Get naked. Stripping down #Outlander Ep11

That got your attention huh?  Just like the cold but hot open of this episode probably got you. I know my attention was captured, but a naked Roger will do that.

Now, this may be very obvious to everyone out there and you may say to me that this blog is the worst of the season because I haven’t dug deep enough and that’s fair. I don’t think I really did. This just stuck with me through the 3 times I watched.  It became more and more obvious and the reality is, I wanted to talk about it, so I am.

In this episode, our characters were on full display. They might as well have been playing their parts how Roger started the show for us.  In the raw.  That would have made the dinner party a lot less appetizing mind you.

The levels of exposure we saw in If Not For Hope went deep.  This may take me a while so you might want to pour yourself something hot or cold, grab a snack or two.

The obvious is Roger. His literal nakedness isn’t just there for our viewing pleasure. I believe it speaks to a few things. He is now stripped completely of who he was.  The buttoned-up historian of many layers. Each one tore away until he was bare and now, being recreated.  This Roger we will get to know was always beneath the layers but had no reason to be exposed. The layers have been ripped away and no longer protect him, this Roger steps forward to run the show.  Well, at least keep one foot in front of the other. Which is all we can seem to hope for.

Granted, Roger himself wasn’t physically present in the episode but make no mistake, he was there.  Through Brianna, Claire, Jamie, Ian and even Lord John, each bringing him to the surface.  They repeatedly reminded us of how perilous Roger’s situation is. How he was relying on them to save him from this situation they had a hand in placing him in (except Lord John…he’s cool).

Roger is completely on the outside of all of this.  He has no reason to believe anyone is looking for him. He has to trust that Brianna loves him as much as he loves her. That, my friends, is blind faith. Which is perhaps the most vulnerable anyone can make themselves emotionally.  This is intricately tied to the horrific moment at the end of the episode.  Roger makes himself just as vulnerable physically. He realizes what he needs to do. He stands to accept a substantial beating at the hands of his captors in a type of gauntlet, a blind faith, trusting he is strong enough to make it through.

Personally, I would have rathered another shower scene. Richard Rankin, for the lack of screen time, has most certainly given Roger a surprising amount of depth.

I will add, it would be fantastic to see either, in conversation or flashback, what happened at those damnable stones. Richard conveys so much of what Roger thinks in facial expression alone (something I think this cast is flippin’ remarkable at) I would love a peek at that moment.

Please know I do not view vulnerability as weakness. It is a state of being from which each one of us needs to be in, in order to trust or love.

In Brianna’s case, she was all over the vulnerability scale from frailty, threat, disquiet and even pliancy during this episode. She was open to her own pain, in fact, the first moment we saw her in this episode she was in the midst of drawing it. Lizzie saw this as demons. They were in a sense, Brianna’s own demons…of sadness, anger and worry.

Speaking of Brianna’s drawings, it seemed she was using them to expose her disquiet. The opening credits showed many pictures of the slaves at work. Phaedre came into her room, Brianna saw how the light caught her face, she asked Phaedre to sit so she could draw her.  To me, this showed Brianna’s discomfort with the way this world was working around her. She was able to capture that and put it to paper.  I do believe Phaedre was pleased with being seen by Brianna, yet, you could feel her unease. Even if she were safe with Brianna at that moment, she was only safe with Brianna at that moment. The second someone else came into that room that safety would disappear instantly.

Next is Brianna, exposed lamb to the slaughter, Tinder 1700’s version.  This was painful to watch with a modern eye.  I had to keep facepalming myself to reset.

Seeing Brianna have to shut down the fake compliments, the greasy ‘we should ride into town alone together after just meeting one another’ and ‘hey, my mom doesn’t know I’m gay, let’s pretend to be bff’s.’, was too much.  Brianna made the right call with the fake ‘case of the vapours’ to get the hell out of there.  I now know why so many women fainted back in those days and it wasn’t because of the tight corsets. Women are tougher than that. It was to get the hell out of the room and away from all the creeps. They literally had to pretend they were unconscious before people would let them leave the damn room.

After the delightful dinner party (she says with dripping sarcasm), Jocasta gets some alone time with Brianna and in that small amount of time Brianna pliancy grew.  At first, she started this conversation out strong but Jocasta, always cunning, knows exactly which string to pull to unravel even the most complex of patterns and she does just that. She grabbed onto the Roger and baby strings and pulled, hard. Brianna went from bold to pliant, which is a completely different variant of vulnerability.  Jocasta used the perfect words to cut Brianna down and weaken her ‘Roger’s gone…no matter dead or alive. GONE.’ ‘If your baby is born out of wedlock, their life is RUINED.’  Brianna is brought to the point of being forced to look at her situation as the condition it is being referred to.

 

Jumping ahead Brianna is armed with what she thinks is the blackmail of the century. Bree decided to hit LJG where it hurts, in the ‘being gay is punishable by death’ spot.  She felt this was a pretty great plan, she could coerce him into marrying her because she knew this big secret and he would never want to sleep with her because he didn’t like women. Win Win.  LJG is a great guy and all but he isn’t one to be trifled with. He clapped back, letting her know the Vaginawagon wasn’t in mint condition and she would do well to stand down.

That moment with LJG is where Bree is the most exposed.  She allowed him to know all the details of her pregnancy and her desire to protect her child even over her own happiness.  It proves it doesn’t matter if we are trying to show others how strong we are, if there are cracks in the armour, someone will get through it. Even if it ends up being us, no one can stay locked in there forever. It’s stifling.

 

Lord John Grey. That name deserves a moment. He isn’t one you would feel is in a state of vulnerability given his status. Lord John, however, is a man who happens to love men. In colonial America, this is a crime punishable by death. This instantly makes Lord John a person in jeopardy.  The moment he is introduced to Brianna you can see him soften from Lord John Grey…to John, Jamie’s friend.  Which in itself brings an openness to him.  Since he is raising Willie, Jamie’s son, it makes sense that he would have a soft spot for Brianna, Jamie’s daughter.  You would think when LJG is most vulnerable is when Bree exposes his throat and threatens to chow down on it by telling the world he is gay. The idea may be threatening but after the initial imagery passes, he knows this won’t happen. The moments he is truly most vulnerable is when he is speaking of his relationship with Jamie and Claire.  When he speaks to her of Willie. Many of LJGs vulnerabilities lay in the secrets he must keep. The more people he opens himself up to, the more likely those secrets will be exposed.

Lord John chose to keep Brianna and the child safe by becoming engaged to her. It was LJG , after all, who told Bree to trust that Jamie and Claire would bring Roger back.  By promising to marry her, he was giving her the hope she needed and saving her heart from breaking any more.

It certainly was beautiful to see Marsali and Fergus again.  Their relationship is one I wish we could get more of.  They are strong and fierce but when it comes to one another, so tender. Fergus is being attacked by a toxic mentality of not being ‘man’ enough and Marsali is requesting Murtagh fix it.  She knows very well she could tell Fergus, a million times, he is more man than anyone, it won’t make a difference. Until Fergus feels that himself, it will tear at him.

 

When we love someone, even things we are not responsible for, weigh heavily on us. We want to fix them, which will sometimes cause us to be exposed to our own vulnerabilities. Marsali is not a fan of asking for help, but she does, for her husband. It works out perfectly in the end as Fergus feels needed but also knows his place is with his family.

Marsali knew she wasn’t responsible for Fergus’s pain but she worried about it. We see Jamie worrying about Brianna’s pain, and he did cause hers.  Naturally, this is weighing very heavily on not only him but Claire.  Both are in solitary and pensive states.

 

I believe as long as Brianna feels angry, Jamie will feel guilty. That is par for the course, isn’t it? As family dynamics go, when we hurt someone, intentionally or not, most will stew about it, worry, wonder what we can do (if we can do) anything to fix it. Jamie was in his own head, as he should be.  A big part of forgiveness is beating ourselves up, I think we all know that.

Taking responsibility for our actions means owning them and feeling bad they happened.  Wrapping it all together means having apologized and trying to make things better. Sadly, when we attempt to make things better we become vulnerable to not being forgiven.  That is the scariest thing of all.  When we have created pain for someone, it is never up to us if they can move past it. I think that is why Jamie is in this space he has created.  Jamie’s future happiness as a father to Brianna is 100% out of his control. What an all together powerless feeling, but one he understands, from the things he said.

Claire knows some of this though, she is the healer. She does that for them both, physically and emotionally.  She identifies the wound, assesses the treatment and then, she does the best she can.  The same we do for those we love. In turn, we expect those who love us to accept it.  This couple is best when they share their vulnerabilities and allow the other to be the strength where they lack.  With each struggle, bump in the road, argument and disappointment – couples grow. We see Claire and Jamie settled into their life as a couple but still growing and that’s important.

Knowing we are watching Brianna and Roger in their infancy as a couple excites me because it means we still have so much more to look forward to.  There is nowhere to go but up.

 

Now that I wasted a whole hour of your day, I will wrap it up.  I could go on to mention every character and how they were vulnerable and exposed but even I get tired of myself…

 

When we get naked, let our vulnerabilities be exposed – do we do it knowing there is the possibility of getting hurt?                                                                                                                  Do we hide our nakedness all together so no one has the opportunity to hurt us but we are so lonely…it hurts?                                                                                                                      Maybe we only allow certain people to catch a glimpse here and there and still find ourselves harmed in some way.

Life is messy, isn’t it? It’s messy…but it’s beautiful. It’s chaotic…but it’s an adventure. What we focus on expands…what are we choosing to look at?

We only have 2 more episodes left before the next Droughtlander commences my friends, this had gone by so fast!

Sher (Founder of the ABOotlanders)

Please live tweet with us Canadians as we watch on W Network at 8pm MST using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

Outlander Episode 3 – Heartstones , amiright?

Still taking a detour from the blog bursts that look like recaps.  I feel there are enough ppl doing those now that, well, even doing it Canadian style with bacon isn’t different enough.

Episode 3 of Outlander was full of…Oooooh’s , awwwww’s & Snorts so I finger I will just talk about those with you.  Heartstones is something us ABOotlanders are not short of.  We are a bunch of sulks (I say that because I am…and I do not like being lonely).

Heart STONES are those things in your heart that when they are hit, they send you back in time, memories.  I believe that is why we are so connected to Outlander.  It isn’t just our own created memories but those Diana Gabaldon authored when we read the books for the first time.  How many times have we seen comments telling new readers how jealous we are because they get to experience that first time feeling?  Its a nostalgia we connect to from remembering our “first time”.  It really is a better “first time” than the other first time… that’s rarely enjoyable.

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Aaaaanyway.  That’s how I now feel when I watch the show. It’s like a new read.  I recognize it, it’s familiar…yet it is different so I get a new thrill from it.  It’s not about if I like the changes, only that they exist and create new heart stones for me and my friends to travel through together.

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Heartstones being created

The name of the episode is “Useful Occupations & Deceptions”.  We don’t have to reach to far to guess what this is all about so lets get right to it.

OOOOOH’s , AAAAAW’s N Snort’s of Episode 3… Our HeartStones…

Aaaaaw #1 -This came when Claire shoved Jamie’s wigman away so she could do up his vest instead.  I mean, that was a “Why are YOU doing this, I am sitting right here.” jealous wife move and I loved it.  You can’t blame a girl…husband out at brothels- oh wait…one brothel (but remember, its fancy…it’s got dildos), drinking his face off with the guys, coming in reeking of smoke n whores.  Yep, I would probably feel the need to exert ownership. You can tell the scheme of these moves is to show…she misses him.

Snort #1– The first laugh of the show for me was Jamie’s wee SAWNY going missing.  So what you are saying Jamie is…lostsnake

This could just be because my brain has a disorder. Its called ‘inthegutteria’. It’s catching. You might have it now. If not, you may not find me near as entertaining as I do.

Snort #2– Louise. Sweet Louise! She MADE the interaction with Mary & Claire go to another level of giggles.  Her SHOCK at the accusations Mary made about men and their things…was…snortworthy.1cohno

Ooooooh #1 – Claire realizing who the truck Mary Hawkins was! 1emaryhawkins

For our Frank lovers…they got another peekaboo at him and Claire finally put the puzzle of where she had heard the name before!  You could see she wasn’t particularly thrilled.  I heard a few people say “She didn’t seem to care when BJR was dead so Frank was before…but now she is all worried about him?!”  Let’s look at it this way – When Claire found out that BJR was dead, she was in the midst of taking care of Jamie, making sure he didn’t die.  Once she did that…it’s kinda late to be thinking about saving Frank.  Pragmatic is one way I would describe Claire, I can’t see her dwelling on something she knew she couldn’t change. HOWEVER, once there is something she thinks she can fix or change…ummm…dog with bone sound about right to us?

Oooh, Awww N Snort – 3 for the price of oneMurtagh getting some lovin! #Suzagh! Sounds like a great clan call…for tail.  There was a couple of things about Claire walking in on her ladies maid, Suzette (zee lov-a-lee Adrienne-Marie Zitt)  and her husbands Dudley do right-hand man.  1…Claires expression of shock. Now, was it shock that she caught them doin’ it? Was it shock that Murtagh was getting more action than her? Was it shock that Murtagh could be ungrumbly long enough for a woman to want to get jiggy with him?  I think it could have been any or all of those reasons.  2. The fact that she hasn’t got lucky in so long she didn’t recognize the sounds of two people gettin jiggy w’it.

The surprise coupling of the 2 characters gives Murtagh a lil more zip & brings the staff in the house to “human” mode., not just following picking up after everyone.  #Suzagh all the way!

Oooh #2 SNAP!  Claire done looses it on Murtagh because he reminded her that she isn’t getting any.  That face…says it all.snappy

After her poop ungroups, she tells him that BJR is alive & the deception duo is born.  For now – by the end of the show Murtagh has his kilt in a wad because she didn’t tell him.

Snort #4–  That Duverney dude is funny. Not just his wig either.  Telling Jamie while playing chest he was going “get him” and that he gave him permission to respect him less.  See in my world, those are are things I would say to Jamie too…maybe not playing chess…but playing- chest? See…I find things entertaining because I make them up in my head sometimes.

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He has this way of wrapping scenes around his fingers…and getting wanna be Kings to kiss his fingers.  Knowing this guy, I sure as heck would NOT be putting my mouth around his digits…I see where he goes with those!

Oooh #4The Comte.  That is all. I need not say more.

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I mean. Really. The Comte St.GermayIhavesomemore?

Awww #2– Master Raymond plays Ann Landers. Claire doesn’t really ask for advice but Raymond gives it.  Stop pouting about being bored lady and go do what you like doing. Lancing boils & sticking your fingers in puss n guts! Its nice to see someone looking out for her isn’t it?tumblr_mdvrqbfyca1ruaozy2

Snort #5 is a loooong giggle. “Claire goes to the Hospital”.  We could write a childrens book about this you know.  The look on Mother Hildegardes face when this “lady” came and said she wanted to use her medical knowledge and help. “Ummm, go dump a bedpan ‘lady’. See you never.”  Claire doubles up the back bone and not only empties bed pans but starts drinking them. That will show her!

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Ok…she wasn’t drinking out of the bedpans…but she was taste testing them.  Which baboom…makes Momma Hilde take notice and decide “Hmmmm, if she likes urine, she’s gonna love it here…let’s keep her.”  And BOUTON! Well…yeah…somehow we all have fallen in love with the little hairball. It sure helps when you remember loving Bouton of the books. Its not about the dog they got so much as it is about that they got a Bouton!

The scene with the nasty puss filled groin splinter (ummm branch not splinter) was spot on. Freaking LOVED the moment Bouton showed his talents & at the same time helped Claire get in good with the big nun on campus.

Awww #4– #WeeFergus .  Like we didn’t get to meet enough awesomeness in this episode but then we get the lil bandit too. It was a smorgasbord of characters being brought to life. I had the constant “awwww head tippy” going on the whole fricken episode.

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All these feels in the awww spot

I loved the introduction to Jamie…something we only got a  quick description in the book about how the wee gommrel came to be in their world.  This gave it the character development that the TV character deserved to have.

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’tis a delight to meet you!

I loved how he called Jamie dirty names and tried to blackmail him and Jamie’s reaction…I wanted to squeeze both their cheeks! Throughout the episode Fergus (played by Romann Berrux) displays the all the charm of a small gentleman while being the brothelbabe he was.  “Hey, girls love it when I sing the praises of their corset fillers.”  It’s not hard to tell that like Fergus from the book – TV Fergus is going to have us all wrapped around his bitty doigt.

The best move Jamie had this episode? Hiring a pickpocket.

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You did the right thing…for interesting reasons.

Awwww #5 – This awww is more of a “Awwww muffin!” awwww than an “Awwww so cute”  awww though.  Jamie was having a party and we were invited.  It was a pity party. Now why oh why wasn’t his wife home to greet him? Pout, sulk, grumble grumble and snark. Once folks showed up for his party he lashed out on them.  Jamie is kinda a bad event planner in that respect.  We came away with it being all about Jamie – if he is going to be a miserable sulk, then why shouldn’t he share that?  Because it sucks Jamie…it sucks.

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Pity Parties are not as fun alone

We know why you’re a pouty pants, but we aren’t enjoying it.  You need a lil lovin…that will fix everything. As long as it is with your wife…those brothelbabes…not so much.

Snort #6–  You know Jamie was going to have to swallow his pride at some point. Watching him do it with Mama Hildegard was a good move. Her being a musical savant and all that.  Her view of her friend Bach was less than flattering though wasn’t it? Clever but no heart. Without him, they wouldn’t have figured out the code to the letters Fergus our boy was stealing though!

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WhooHoo…so clever

All the emotions of episode 3 and we wrap it all up in a happy little ball of “relief, happiness, guilt & disappointment. Relief because they believe they figured out who was promising BPC money for this campaign. Happiness because Jamie was happy for a moment. Guilt by Claire because she STILL hasn’t told Jamie BJR is alive. Disappointment in Claire by Murtagh because she didn’t tell Jamie BJR is alive.

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Perfect way to  tie that bow up and be ready for Episode 4.

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Canadian’s aren’t in Scotland anymore…Outlander FUN!

You know after watching Episode 2…I sat.  Just…sat. Then I started thinking…that’s when I smelt smoke.

How would one do a recap without creating a commentary?  There was simply TOO MUCH AWESOME in that episode to just regurgitate it all back at you like so many already do.

I call it the Rapid Fire episode.

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Nipples n threats, Nipples in threats…this episode was full of nipples & threats.

So…instead of doing my blurt like recap.  I am going to give you a top 10 Things I Loved … along with some of the tweets from #OutlanderCAN.  #OutlanderCAN is the hashtag us ABOotlanders came up with before season 1 started.  Showcase has come aboard using it in support.  They added a fun lil contest this time as well.  We hope that becomes a regular occurrence.  Let’s just say Showcase has upped their game since the “win a subway giftcard” days

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Don’t you love when each episode starts  – “Previously…on Outlander”? Showing us in quickies what’s occurred in other episodes which will “refresh” us for the next one.  So many of us…previously on Outlander means – we have watched it…not once…not thrice but repeatedly in an unhealthy way.

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There we sit…in the O-Zone...

When it comes on…we are just hitting the person next to us “It’s on! It’s on! Shhhhh!”

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Quiet now, the grownups are watching!

The 10 Things I Loved about Episode

  1.  ALL OF THE THINGS!

Shall I narrow it down for you a little? Yep, the costumes…on ALL OF THE BODIES!  Terry Dresbach and her designers and all the other people that make that team simply have talent. Much talent.  You know it has to be a REMARKABLE team because the outcome is MINDBLOWING!   There was not ONE costume that I didn’t want to devour. See it all over, inside out and sideways. Not one.                                           Jon Gary Steele…ummm sir?  Is your brain filled like Master Raymond’s Apothecary?  I mean, I look at these sets! In my WILDEST imagination I could not picture a tenth … a hundredth… of what you have. Not only imagined but brought to our screens.  That, with the costumes and the lighting…this girl was AGOG! Mouth hangin open staring…AGOG.  I watch the show over and over evertime, this time…I want to watch it once more…pausing every 5 seconds or less so I can take in EVERYTHING. The apartments, the gardens, the streets, the brothel and Master Raymond’s.There was simply too much to love and you CAN NOT do it in one sitting. Seriously impossible!

2.THE GEMS!                                                                                                                                                     They started with some pretty heavy stuff…sounded porny ( My kid shouted from the other room… “Mom, stop watching porn!”), then looked sexy and as quick as that was happening…Claire turns into Black Jerk Randall (which is ALWAYS disturbing isn’t it?) and Jamie turns into a homicidal maniac, plunging his knife into BJR over…and over…and over…Kudos to the sound department btw. You really brought the scene all together.  In that scene…Jamie was whole.  No scars on his back, his fingers…bendy. It isn’t the kind of things editors on this show miss so…intentional it was.  I didn’t catch it first or even second view.  If it weren’t pointed out, I may have missed it till the 5th or 6th watch, truth be told. I am ALWAYS lost in the story the first few times I watch. I am not looking for anything else. Whether it be mistakes, clues, easter eggs or the like.                                                                                       One I caught right away was the eye…but granted…it was pretty much RIGHT there. For you to see.  Some call it the Jacobite eye, some come from a different place…either way. It connects people does it not? Or does it? Geillis (how I adored her) & Raymond sittin in a tree…what oh what could that eye mean.  It goes deep into the books so …yeah…I don’t plan on ruining it for anyone.  I don’t want to be know as “a book reader”. *snort*                    do you see

3.    #TheRedDress       #TheRedDress            #TheRedDress                                                               Yeah Yeah Yeah. I know you think I covered everything in respect to this with #1 but no.  The Red Dress (all capitalized for dramatic flair ) is a favourite all its own.  I know some complained…but those are the some that complain about a lot and if they pick The Red Dress to complain about, that is because they know it was extraordinary and others will give them attention for their views.  Others said seeing it out of context ruined it for them…I can’t say they are wrong as it’s their viewpoint.  Personally, I saw the red dress before, at an angle that wasn’t the same as the dress when viewed in context so I kinda loved it even more.  Plus, you know  Jamie & Murtagh MADE the reveal one of perfect gape mouthed boyishness.      redress

4. The #swanipple Dress                                                                                                                          Also known as the Swan Dress or the Nipple dress.  After reading Diana’s version of the dress SO many times…I still had this super weird and slightly disturbing picture of it in my head.  I am so very grateful that Terry made it into something…hmmmm…word choice is difficult here.  Its definitely not something I would wear…only because a swans neck sure wouldn’t be long enough to wrap…*snort* Never mind…visuals not included. I thought the swanipple dress was SUPER COOL!  I have no problem with the female body.  Nipples are something we have….(most of us). They aren’t disgusting, they aren’t too private, they are nipples.  If we don’t get our drawers in a twist about men’s nipples, which are ONLY decorative. We should relax about a women nipple, they do serve a couple functions.   I can envision Terry sitting at her kitchen table trying to perfect the swanipples and it also makes me smile!  The actress sporting the dress…carried it off PERFECTLY.  Held a gaze and knew…she didn’t care “My nipples are down there…look…I dare ya!”

5. The HUMOUR!                                                                                                                                                 I sure did giggle a lot this episode.  It started pretty nasty and eye buggy however the mood was lightened significantly by ALL the characters.  They all gave me a giggle. Claire and her “Step back” “Bitch, Please!” faces were a guaranteed laugh.

Jamies awkwardness and his reaction to her waxing session. Titter Titter. So many characters added to make us smile and laugh.  I enjoyed the dramatic flare of the whole thing…And let’s not forget…He was so good he got 2 votes on my list!

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So much to smile about!

 

6. MURTAGH!                                                                                                                                             There is an incredible amount of love for this man.  Know why? CUZ! Duncan Lacroix has given Murtagh an incredible compassion, sense of humour and the best curmudgeon old fartishness ever.  The way he looks at Jamie, is like a father to a son, the way he looks at Claire…a sense of honour in which he holds dear because…well I think Murtagh thinks as much hassle as she is, he likes her lots.  Kinda like a puppy…it poops on your floor over and over but you still want to cuddle it.  I want so badly for Murtagh to stick around that I want him to be Duncan.  Not the guy playing him Duncan but Duncan Innes ( that’s a book reference BTW) So…lets start the campaign now. #DuncanforDuncan .  See … it’s kismet man!

7.  WhooHoo for Lady Stuff!                                                                                                                   First Claire’s new BFF  Louise De Rohan reminds us…a vulva is just a vulva. Girlfriend is a womans woman if you ask me.  She has no qualms about her body, when someone hurts her, she smacks him and makes up swears.  Sounds like me and I am a womans woman so…there you go! Naturally, the honey pot scene – made me very happy. honey pot          Many may not agree with me but I thought the dildo scene was entertaining and guess what? Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of if you are comfortable talking about sex & things that go with sex.  There is something about dildos that make some people heeby.  That’s ok.  I don’t particularly understand that mindset but I accept it.  Could be the fact that in my everyday life, I am a Pure Romance consultant (it you aren’t 18 or older…don’t click that link! It is a shameless plug…heehee funnier even).  Thank goodness for progress right? Dildos are considered the stick shift of the sex toy world… Rechargeable is where we are now.  Tesla style.  PLUS…NEVER NEVER RENT A DILDO. That’s just narsty.gag

8. Master Raymond…and his stuff!                                                                                                            The froggy faced little man in the apothecary. I HEART HIM!  I’m not sure I would kiss him to turn him into a prince but…I heart him all the same.  I am looking forward to all of the wonderful things he will be bringing to the show.  I will continue to bring up Terry’s costumes…Master Raymond’s costume was on the verge of over load.  SO. MUCH. SWEETNESS!  Check out Terry’s breakdown of his coat.

9. Douche bags R Us                                                                                                                        BPC,Durverney & Sandringham. All douchey in their own way.  The first intro with Duverney, didn’t he have horndawg written all over that crazy wig of his?  He is a foot fetish fiend with great taste.  You saw Claire’s shoes right???  I loved his crazy drama.  I laughed out loud as Jamie casually pushed him into the pond, it was done perfectly! The wig issue..just made Durverney turn into a  loveable perv that looked like a bad Tina Turner impersonator.                                                                                                                                            Then you have UGH…Sandringham…the douche of. This guy was silly sly last season, this season he’s slimey scum.  Yeah…Simon Callow is a great actor but this character he plays…well…let’s just say I hope Murtagh gets to put him to sleep.

10.  Everybody POOPS!                                                                                                                         Warning. Please do not take everything so seriously. Can I shout out to the writers for keeping this scene in?  Lots of peeps sure were bothered by certain things being taken away and THAT being left in however…King Louis needs to develop a quick bond with Jamie…and what better way to do it that curing the royal backup problem?

Some people wonder how I can be a 20 yr plus, book reader and be so “chill” with the changes.  Pretty easy really.  The book is the book. The TV show is the TV show.  The two don’t interchange in my mind.  Do I notice the difference and have an opinion? Of course…however if my opinion is just a negative reaction to something I was “hoping for”, I keep it to myself.  Why in the world of the interwebs would I do that?  I am not a professional, those who are in the industry are.  I find in the long run…if the characters are “familiar”. THAT is what matters.  Nuances, story details, physical traits and characters will not be the same. This should EXCITE us, not alienate us.       I cant  wait till next Sunday! Useful Occupations & Deceptions.  We get to meet Fergus and head to the ‘opital!

Keep yer wig on folks.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          SherryLynn

Founder n Big Mouth of the ABOotlanders

Episode 16 In the Flesh -TRAMS- Tobias Really Ain’t Maiming Sam…really.

Who else is glad that is over? Raise your hand!

Me...me...me too...uh-huh...yup...us!

Me…me…me too…uh-huh…yup…us!

As much as we are not looking forward to #NaughtLander – I was perfectly fine with Episode 16 “To Ransom a Mans Soul” being one hour long, because the one hour felt like WAY longer. It made me feel like a virgin. You know what I mean. It was verra uncomfortable indeed.

“Got my tight pants on!”….Yeah…this is not comfortable for anyone. Really.

As per usual before I get into my blogburst, I like to tap into what I see as a bit o’ silliness that plagues the fandom. I found out recently that the likes of myself – you know the type. We, who enjoy the show for the show & the books for the books. Separately.  We, that do not believe the 2 should be compared nor interwoven specimens…because they are, ummm…not the same things. We are called *drumroll please* Kool-Aid Drinkers. Heehee…Kool-aid. Yeah.  Which makes this even funnier to me is –  those who who use this term may often be offended or dissuade others from using descriptions such as “pearl clutcher”, “poutlander” & any number of other equally insulting terms that will offend someone.  This term is deemed O.K. to use  even though it has a particularly ugly meaning behind it, because it was given its blessing from groups who feel everyone’s opinions matter, except those who think that it’s ok to love something for what it is and those  who express that they don’t believe being negative is a productive way to be & choose to say so. Kool-aid. Wanna sip? Tsk Tsk.

 I don’t particularly “like” Kool-aid but I DO think the Kool-aid man is cool as hell!  I also think if you embrace a term & own it, you take the power away others have given it. Soooooooooooooooo…

koolaid

This is the kinda kool-aid we are serving…come and have a glass! It happens to be sweetened with good intentions.  There is kindness instilled in it.  We only want the fans to see the best in what is happening with the series. It is, in fact separate from the books…this has been said from the VERY beginning. Whether you CHOOSE to hear the facts – well, this only affects our happiness with the process. No one has tried to fool or trick us into believing anything different.  When you lay back and relax…the bumps are way easier to take, you might even be able to enjoy them.

animals-as-humans-frog

We have fallen into the land of #WithoutLander.

#DroughtLander2.0 has started… there is #NaughtLander. As you can see – I can go on all effing day if I wanted to & I likely will come up with many many more before the jig is up in the fall of 2016.  Chances are, you will put up with my crap because, as fans, it is what we do.  We read what we love…AND we read what we hate. It is a CRAZY…oh wait…mentally hilarious phenomenon.  That WILL keep this world alive. Not destroy it like some say.

These blogbursts won’t stop because the series is on hiatus.  Honestly…I will just have to get more creative.

This might be the point you are afraid...

This might be the point – you become… afraid…

and you thought BJR was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Me…trying to be creative. That might be a whole other bag of nuts folks. Mixed nuts. Big…ole…bag.

You know I am trying to avoid talking about something when I am 500 words in & haven’t started.  This is like having the sex talk with the sons but start talking about how they haven’t cleaned their room in the last week instead. Still ending up focusing on the balled up sock in the corner of the room. Yeah…yeah…yeah…I KNOW. I have to talk about it – but where’s their Dad…Can’t HE?

That’s a good idea actually. Hub’s watched episode 16 with me. Twice. Shockingly. We’ll go at it like that. Since you know I’m a gutterdweller – I shall sit down here but try not to be you know…too gross and or offensive. However, expect a few groans. Just…do.

We get the title credit again. Yeah…gutterslug I am…beads n oil. I know what is happening in this episode – I don’t even wanna know what that other thing is gonna be . Yup…I know I am going to hell – I might as well take the express bus. Move over- I know you are in the back seat, hiding…you wouldn’t be reading this blogburst if you weren’t there.

title

Then…then…drums, flutes, what sounds like recorders. Remember recorders guys? Elementary school…we all had to have recorders? Play 3 blind mice? We were so cool.

*eyeroll* Just like him. Really. 3 blind mice with the squeal at the end killed his Pirates of the Caribbean out of the water. Whatever.

Uh-huh...sure...show off.

Uh-huh…sure…show off.

Those english dudes at the prison, they were pretty in tune but the men at arms, my ex-Army hubby really wanted them to be more practiced. Sloppy, out of line…tsk tsk…just foolin’

I kinda wished we had more time to critique the english soldiers because yeah…we went right on into the deep dark dank dungeon cell of hell and torment which housed our hero Jamie. We immediately get a glimpse at his bloodied body & lifeless eyes. It causes some serious cognitive dissonance when you have that cheery drumming and recorder playing happening in the background & you have Jamie’s face – telling you this story. Then we pan…ugh…

Here's JACKIE!

Here’s JACKIE!

Never a reassuring thing.

Captain CreepMaster General is so supine it’s almost distracts you from the fact that he is completely naked AGAIN. Tobias has zero issues with his Aunt Gail seeing him in the all together. You know, I think he might think to himself “Hope Aunty Gail tunes in! That’d teach her for buying me that hideous sweater back in ’85”

Back to the soldiers & cheery loud tunes – I feel like I am being torn back n forth. Put me outta my misery!

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

Wait…was that me or Jamie asking. It was both of us.  CCMG owes him a debt & for a moment, it looks like he is going to pay up but SQUIRREL! Ole Captain hears a noise and curiosity done squishes the cat.

Much to Jamie’s horror. He leaves him in the cell to go check out what’s shaking in the halls. There is some crazy noises happening & he is far too nosey for his own good.

knock knockAnother one of those teachable moments right there. You hear noises you can’t explain. Might be best NOT to look. Dumbass. However, I liked seeing your face get stepped on, I didn’t literally see it, though I imagined it because I despise CCMG and that to me, happy thoughts!

Rupert, Angus & Murtagh…Team RAM (TRAM…Do we see a theme…cool huh?!) Scramble through the basement of the prison looking for Jamie & find him as the kine cause havoc in the halls & throughout the courtyard.  The music via Bear McCreary & the kine seriously did a wicked job of kicking the scene up a knotch here. The kine do NOT have a twitter account…I really am not sure what is going on, seems the crazy is slipping…sad.  Anywhoo…Team RAM played this scene with vigor!  I loved the determination to get Jamie out of there and it was clear to us how OUT OF IT Jamie was.

Seriously, Murtagh is like the scottish Apollo in that moment, Jamie wrapped in the plaid slung over his shoulder & him marching out the door like a boss!

so hot

I loved the wagon ride & escape. The chaos of that was happening at the prison with interchanges of Team RAM escaping with Jamie. Claire waiting in the road…ummmm…hunny…unpause it. Hunny…HUNNY! Sheesh. I think my husband really likes it when Claire wears breeches. Both times we watched, I got a view of this –

cait

Yup, gotta admit it. She’s got a cute bum. The joys of watching with the man of the house – equal opportunity in the admiration department.

Between her distress & impatience, the look on her face…no words are needed.  This woman sucks us straight into her anxiety. I was THISCLOSE to popping an ativan when we spotted Team RAM coming over the crest of the hill.  This was the episode that was like a Led Zeppelin song, a minute seems like a lifetime and you are having Tea for One. I’d look at the clock thinking it has to be almost over…and ummmm…no…52 more minutes left.

what year is it

We get a taste of the mashed potatoes that Jamie’s brains have been whipped into when he see’s Claire AS Black Jack…right there in his face. He wraps his good hand around her sweet delicate neck and squeezes  until Rupert & Murtagh get him off of her. He tells Claire “Dinna touch me”  – One more huge clue – this is not the Jamie we know. His mind has been sliced and diced like it’s been in a chop-o-matic.

He starts in on the Gaelic saying stuff like “Claire- you just morphed into Jackface! That’s wiggin me out!” (Really he said…Let me go die.) Murtagh was like “Hey Bro! Cut that shit out! She has a pretty neck…even if you don’t like it…we do!”  Jamie gets all snippy with him too. You gotta admit, he is probably pretty hangry about now and could use a snickers bar like nobodies business & snaps -in Gaelic- at Murtagh to mind his own damn business clag-tail face! (Really, he said something like “Put an end to my torment!” Which sounds way more logical however- clag-tail face- takes the edge off & sends you all on a google search so…) Murtagh’s had enough of this crap and tells him to shut the hell up, he’s not listening to this crap- they have places to go…people to do. (In fact, he said ” I won’t listen to this!”) Yeah…I was right-ish.

mwb

Back on the run they go with a wee but of chuffin’ from Rupert. That wagon ride must have been hellabouncey!

Same ride in today's vehicle...looks like a party

Same ride in today’s vehicle…looks like a party

We hear the bells of a church yard. We see a familiar face, it’s wee Willie. Good to see him again. He introduces us to Father Anselm. This is a character from the books, that has been adapted for the screen in such a lovely manner. As has the Abbey itself. It really doesn’t matter when it is all broken down.

Truth is they had to condense a ridiculous amount of the book into one hour & the adaptation isn’t really meant to please each book reader it is meant to convey a story to an audience – TRUTH-

Really hard to swallow innit?

Really hard to swallow innit?

Adaptations were made that didn’t  change plot lines but changed “things”. Brother to Father…not in the creepy way though. Anselm was a dream – reacting before she finished sentences & taking them in.

Brother Paul, the respect & dignity he showed Claire – the care he gave Jamie…I quite liked the bald headed lil monks they had poking about. The background players were extremely complimentary to the scenes.  Letting Claire know…dude’s body is in baaaaaad shape sister but his mind… a few french fries short of a happy meal & is gonna need some serious help.  Claire seems to know this but had more pressing matters at hand.

See what I did there?

Jamie’s moans & cries brought her back to the fact that maybe she did need to deal with this broken soul thing. She tries to talk to him, soothe him but nope…none of that. Sometimes we ask questions that we REALLY do not want the answers to but need them. This is what happens here…although Claire didn’t get her answer – WE did.  It was Flashbang #1. Everyone were calling them flashbacks…that’s too light of a word for me. These were far too traumatic & gutpunchy. FlashBANG…much more effective.

Yes I know this

Yes I know this “technically” is not a flashbang but I really love this gif…*snort*

Plus…this next part is icky and we have to talk about it.

We have the leisure of seeing good ole dead Marley. All covered in  *shudder* rats *shudder*.  Those narsty vermin are my kryptonite. Sorry..not sorry…I can not STAND effin rats…rodents..little tails swishing

barf

Too much narsty in one small vile thing….just….ewwww.

Digression. Yeah. Sorry. Jamie is still sitting, nailed to the table where Captain Creepy last left him – he is nearly passed out from pain it seems but has the presence of mind to make sure Claire has left the prison.  This just proves how twisted Captain Creepy is. He is so pleasant with Jamie. ” I give you my word, here, have a drink…let me make you more comfortable while I yank that bloody nail from your hand – it’s going to be a trifle uncomfy. Be over quick…just a pinch. Oh dear…you’ve puked all over the floor…that’s all right, I will cradle you gently in my arms like a young child and kiss you tenderly like a sweetheart I once had.. Know why? ‘Cause I am a nice guy. You can see that right? Nice guy…dingy nasty cell…hole in your hand…forcing my tongue in your mouth. Come on- play along! It’s all better now, we are going to have a lovely time, you only have to be receptive. Here laddie”

It’s moments like these you wish this mofo had the internet. Here…go to http://www.immasickbastardDOTcom and get rid of some of your twistyMctwisterson bullshit and leave poor Jamie outta it man!

Ah if we could only redirect the the  insanity!

Ah if we could only redirect the the insanity!

Ole CreepMaster goes in for a let’s say frenchier kiss & complains at the lack of enthusiasm that his partner is displaying – decides that some threats against Claire are in order.  Jamie makes it clear that he said he wouldn’t “resist”.He is NOT going to “participate”.  Probably not the best plan of action.  CreepMaster now had a point to prove & it was that Jamie, would participate, whether he liked it or not. At least his body would participate.

He lifted him up to a sitting position and showed Jamie…and all of us that – our bodies can have minds of their own. Physical response has little to do with emotional response when it comes to reflex.  I noticed in some of social media out there, a few women had a difficult time grasping this concept. Saying it made men seem weak minded, not in control. Ummmm WHAT THE HELL? Our bodies have reflexes…men & women alike – Let me advise. Men have external organs that are easier to get to. This also goes straight to victim shaming & I won’t play THAT game with anyone.

No  really....go...see ya...buh bye now.

No really….go…see ya…buh bye now.

Bodies can, will & often physically respond to sexual stimulation. CCMG took this as a sign that he was controlling Jamie’s body. Adding some words of graciousness you know “Only want you to like it.”  You could see how much Jamie was trying to fight his bodies response & was getting angry with himself for not being able too. Throwing it back at Creepy, tells him just get it over with already…he hawked a big ole loogie in Creepy’s face. Ya know – maybe not the greatest idea at the time because it really pissed him off.

Captain Creepy is still calm for a microsecond asking “You think I can not control the darkness I inhabit?” like…implying he can…but he completely loses his shit! Guess what you sadistic freakshow – there is NO controlling that darkness.  That darkness just went batshit crazy & Jamie was on the bottom of it. Quite literally.

Creepy proceeds to brutally rape Jamie – telling him to scream – well – that HURT. Physically…it HURT…emotionally it HURT…everything about that moment HURT. “I” screamed at my TV right along with Jamie. DAMN YOU Creepy…you rotten SOB.

I don't look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

I don’t look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

That was the portion of our show my hubby hid his face. He really didn’t like it. Nope.

Don't look!

Don’t. Like. This. Part.

FlashBANG over. None too soon either. Geez…Sam…whatever places you had to go…you went.  I have this inkling our Tobias – he has a bit of that steele in his veins. He comes up with some pretty sinister shit with the writers to add in. Fingers in mouths, licking backs, faces. On the Ira/Moore podcast he thought “Hey, let’s use dead Morley as a mattress.” Ummmmm…

That boy...he ain't right.

That boy…he ain’t right.

He goes places. In his head. Which makes his acting…that much more terrifying. I’m really glad Ira was like Ummmm Tobias – Richard really hasn’t done anything to you…rats are one thing dude…THAT…totally another. Let’s not. It doesn’t mean Tobias is freakydeaky…it means he is a thinker, he gets into his characters head & he can go to those places. I think it’s a study of how far can he go…they tell him when “Yeah…far enough.”

Sam, I am guessing, this…is an educated guess, seems an introvert. This exposure, quite literally, must have been exhausting for him. I have heard many words to describe his performance in this episode. Many I wholeheartedly agree with. The ones “I” choose – brave, raw & fascinating.  I know NOW what Diana was talking about when she said she looked forward to this.  As difficult as it is to watch someone you care about go through this…and I CARED…it was enthralling. Encompassing. Why?  Because HE made me CARE. Tobias made me CARE. Cait made me LOVE them together. They did that as ACTORS.

It's like way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!
That is like, way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!

We so often get all whipped up in the who did it better than – we forget they DO it together. We so often get so wrapped up in our favourites that we dismiss the beauty of how well they work as an ensemble & obviously love one another. (Now keep your heads on. Love means many different things to many different people) They wouldn’t be able to portray this so well without respecting one another.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

There were words spoken prior to Claire setting Jamie’s hand. That’s it. They were spoken. Jamie was telling Claire – he didn’t care. He was trying to let her know in his way that he was lost from her & she…stubborn as he…wasn’t hearing him. She was focused on healing him. She knew…yes…he was broken. One of these things she KNEW how to fix. She had to deal with first.  I truly adore the way these two play off one another. They are a brilliant balance. They don’t even need the words sometimes. Frig knows…the makeup/prop department sure as hell killed it as far the whole business with fixing up Jamie’s hand went.

That looked pretty...gross...n...gross.
That looked pretty…gross…n…gross.

Sure …things have to look realistic. They did. Graphic even. Bones jutting out, skin being tugged at and sewn together. Hearing the bones scraping together, seeing the blood squishing. There are people who squirm ‘n gag at sights like that. There are folks who “ooooh & ahhhh”. There are even ones that sit on the edge of their seat & examine the scene for inconsistencies because they are in the medical profession. Whichever you are -I think we can agree, they did a friggen sweet job of it.

giphy

The voice over helped me through this scene.  Concentrating on her words made me not want to toss my cookies.  The way she wrapped it in that crazy contraption was SO cool looking. Rigged up & completely not like something ‘perfect’. So it was.  Primitive & barbaric. Like the wounds that were beneath the bandages.

Claire is sent to bed by Brother Paul- he will take care of him. She needs her rest. She leaves the room. Walking through the halls, she starts making some retching noises then goes ahead & pukes. Hubby pipes up & says. “She’s knocked up isn’t she…she’s been puking EVERYWHERE!”

Considering we read Outlander a few months ago for our #Bedtimestories, it’s not a shocker he thinks he is figuring something new out.

GOOD BOY

GOOD BOY

It’s always nice to be watching the show & have wee bits from the book pop in. For someone who does adore the books, it is like finding a $5.00 bill in the pocket of someone’s jeans when you are doing the wash (or so my hubby tells me). This added sweetness is Father Anselm & Claire’s moment in the chapel. It’s familiar yet still different. It is poignant & meaningful.  Claire essentially confesses all to him. Taking the chance that she may very well be sitting next to another Father Bain ~

However, I think she knew his heart from the start.  His kindness was apparent.   Hubcicle & I looked at one another with big ole dumb grins on our faces when he turned to Claire & said “How marvelous…a miracle perhaps” such a different reaction from what she had expected. We know that Claire never particularly found herself to be a woman of faith but in that moment – there was calm. It seemed her reserve was restored. It was an awesome moment and even though the powers that be said it was moved all around in post production. They put it in the perfect spot. It fit just right.

Sure, Jesus is cool...it's just some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*
Sure, Jesus is cool…some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*

The next day, Jamie is still refusing to eat & he is running a fever. Claire lets him know even though his hand looks like hamburger, it’s coming along nicely.  He’s none too receptive however. He doesn’t want to be saved. That’s just not nice.  She’s trying…really really trying.

We cut scene to the boys, Angus thinks its just a good idea to get drunk. Being sober sure as flip isn’t going to cure Jamie. Murtagh is confident that Claire can heal Jamie’s wounds but he knows that Jamie isn’t eating – that bothers him. Willie tells a tale of his uncle who did the same after an accident…starved himself he did. Uplifting story Willie. Thanks for sharing. Someone smack him would you?  Thanks Angus. Nice aim!

right in my eye

I do like Willie. A lot. He can be a dumb kid sometimes & they do to dumb kids what I WANT to do to dumb kids. Good cuff upside the head. You know…in a kind way *ahem*

Annnnnnnnyway…One of my favourite scenes in the show is between Murtagh & Jamie.  I can’t understand a bloody word they are saying because non hablez de gaelic. Uh-huh…I’m a canucklehead through and through. Sorry. If you DO want to know the conversation.Turns out, it is as touching & gut wretching as they portray it. Hit up this website. They even spell Gaidhlig with the lil accenty things all fancy n stuff.everythings-so-fancy-on-firefly-with-jewel-staite

You can see the heartbreak on Murtagh’s face. The despair on Jamie’s as well. For about a second I want them to take the cameras off of their faces because it is too painful. THEN the show WENT to the next scene…GAH go back. Please! I would rather them go back to the heartbreak & despair faces…yeah…please.

It is another flashBANG…and a bad one. Jamie dragging himself across the dungeon of dooms cold floor. He is naked in a way that angers us. He is bloodied in various places that make us want to go all mamabear. He is struggling across the stones, vomiting & looking very much – destroyed.

The bastard…aka…oh…I have so many names for him right now, none of them the least bit flattering and some might even burn your retinas when you read them. I am hating on him THAT much. Tobias PLAYED that character so well it made me angry to see his smug, priggish *sigh* whatever. Smug as usual. Wanting to know if Jamie has reached his limit. Geez…I WONDER?  When you start hallucinating “Claire Jack Randall”…you know shit’s done gone sideways and your cheese done fell of your cracker.

not funny
Those 2 faces really shouldn’t melt together like that. Nightmares – daymares – night terrors – day terrors…that’s what THAT face is made of.

Its apparent Jamie keeps reaching for the one thing that gives him solace. Claire. Creep Master doesn’t want him to have any part of it then lights to the realization that- “Hmmm this Claire thing can really mess with the boy.”  To watch Claire’s image fade from Jamie’s grasp & him curl up in a naked ball & cry like a babe was simply heartbreaking. How’d we all manage not curl up with him?  I wanted to spoon him. But…he was pretty grimy.  I have standards. *kidding* I don’t.

CCMG played the Claire Card…wanted Jamie’s surrender. “Are you mine?” Jamie – confused, broken & out of his head- heard Creepy but saw Claire. “Yes, only you.” Jamie said in his addled state.  The sadistic dick at this point didn’t care HOW he got Jamie’s surrender- he just wanted it. He didn’t care Jamie was out of his head delusional, he wanted him complacent – that was how he got him.

There is no better term for it than mindbuggery. (I don’t believe the term existed before now, I am pretty sure I made it up- well inadvertently Diana made it up – I just named what he did to Jamie.) Captain Creepy took a walk to his bag of tricks hanging in the room & pulled out his seal…heated in the huge lantern to a red hot brand & sauntered…yeah…the twisted frito chip sauntered over to Jamie & pointed to a place on his chest. Casually telling him to show him that he was Jamie’s. Mindbuggery folks.

mindfuckery

Jamie had a moment…a small moment where there was defiance. The brand did not make it to the spot on his chest where Captain Creepy intended it to go. Jamie did brand himself. However the brand was on his ribs. The look on CCMG’s face was something like…well…that wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it’ll do.

Every. Single.Time. Post production did a brilliant job of taking us out of that cell. Jamie was laying weak & wasted  in that sonofablankityblanks arms, with me wishing I could reach through the screen and tear him from his grasp when they put him back in the bed of the Abbey, rubbing his brand.

ouch-kiss-it-better-1

Oh how I wish things were this simple for our Jamie *sigh*

 I just wanna reach through that big ole screen and kiss his booboo better…the brand one, the other…well. No.

The group gathers as Willie rides up after doing some recon. Redcoats are going to get closer & they know they have to get Jamie out of there. They also know he isn’t getting better, if they wait much longer…well…monks don’t make good warriors do they?

giphy (1)

They do the geography. France. That is the safest place for them right now.  Murtagh makes a point of stating he will secure a ship. Always durable. Always reliable. Murtagh.

Willie’s up next. Oh…sorry…that sounded naughty. O.k. maybe it only sounded naughty to us pervyMcperversons.  I expect by now the majority of those reading this particular burst…ah…are.  Annnnywhoo…Willie, concerned for Jamie & wanting to see if he can help checks up on him. He isn’t a stupid kid like some of the men treat him.  He sees the value of the relationship between Jamie & Claire. He tries to get Jamie to see it again. Granted he isn’t fully aware of the torment Jamie has suffered.  Still he asks what he can do.  Jamie, seeing the blade Willie carries, asks for it. So he can end things…once and for all.

I heard of a huge outcry from fans about this particular scene. Saying Jamie would NEVER kill himself. Ummmm hey folks…what do you think he was trying to do in the book when he wasn’t eating & pushing everyone away…same thing…different means. Yup.  Again, Jamie was in a different frame of consciousness – not the Jamie we know & love. Not the Jamie he had grown into. It was “this” experience that helped him become the man that would never do that. Maybe? Perhaps?

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

 Of course Willie tells him to get bent, leaves & tattles on him to Claire.  SHE then goes straight to Murtagh…who is her Dear Abby. First Murtagh is happily telling her he has booked passage on a ship but he quickly reads her face & trails off .She tells him of Jamie wanting Willie to kill him & grasps from Murtagh’s look that he knew about Jamie’s state of mind.  Claire knew too…we all know that but she was sailing down the river denial.

Claire sure as hell doesn’t think being tortured & raped is enough reason to want to die…hell…look at all the crap SHE has been through & SHE keeps keeping on.  Okey Dokey says Murtagh but if Jamie falls so far down a hole we can’t get him out…I’m not going to watch him suffer…I will take him out! That would be kinda like pulling the plug in today’s view I’d say.

This is when Claire…faints…dead away. Big fat hairy hint to everyone.

In the next scene she comes to with Brother Paul caressing her neck & Murtagh feebly tapping his hand on his dirk & being very anxious. Here- I vere off –   I LOVE what Duncan Lacroix has done with this character.  He has completely given life to him that I never expected. I adored Murtagh in the books,but because I connect to introverted & awkward folks. It is like Duncan grasped onto that & not only gave Murtagh this…dimension of being…but gave him an added bit of personality that makes you smile, just seeing him. Man…he made me laugh out loud when he said “Scairt the piss right outta me.” He had the decency to look abashed because the monk was in the room with them. Which gave us a breather. We needed it!  Murtagh has become a steady – not just for Claire but for the audience.thank you

Murtagh calls it like it is.  Jamie can’t be pulled from the darkness that is eating him up unless someone goes into that darkness after him.  It’s quite simple really.  You see Claire think about this & this woman -who has faced down evil priests, witch hunters, scorned teenage girls (those are SCARY), sadistic freaks of nature,  english deserters with rape in mind…yeah…she knows she can handle going into the dark reaches of the mind of the man she loves more than life itself. She has this covered.

Claire starts the prep work. First on the list… girlfriend is making some lavender oil. She means business. Take no prisoners, she is getting her man back.

She goes into Jamie’s room & he is already having bad dreams, she puts the oil under his nose. He hears Captain Creepy’s voice & sees his sick smiling face looming over his bed at him. When Claire speaks again, it is her face there…mocking him & this sets Jamie into confusion. He tells her to leave him be- she’s all “Yeah right…tried that…look where it has gotten us. I’m trying something else.” The more she pushes Jamie…the more Captain Creepy’s mindbuggery pushes forward. Jamie can’t help but see HIS face like he was seeing CLAIRE’S in the cell.  Jamie snaps, he throws Claire to the ground but due to the fact she is ready…girlfriend gives his a swift kick and a few good smacks. Jamie is pretty weak – you know…when you don’t eat or take care of yourself, you get on the flimsy side. He manages to get her on the floor telling her he doesn’t want to hurt her. Yeah…think about that will you. You ARE hurting her A LOT! You want to kill yourself AND you won’t tell her why! That buddy…that hurts a whole helluvalot more than throwing a girl around a room. In the struggle she tears at his…ummm…I’m not even sure what to call what he is wearing. It’s not really a nighty or ever a strip of cloth. It effectively covered all his man bits. Manbit loinwear? Anyway. She tore at it…and saw the JR branding.

What? What's that?
What? What’s that?

She think she KNOWS he was branded. Tries to tell him that it’s alright but he tells her nope.Not alright.  HE is the one that branded himself. That means it goes way deeper. It’s time Jamie told her the truth. Claire didn’t WANT to hear the words but knew he NEEDED to say them…to free himself of them.

It’s true you know – if we let things go in that way. It can free us of an inner torture. Give our pain away to someone who doesn’t “feel” it the way we do.

lifelesson

Toger Brings you LIFE LESSONS

He tells her that the sick & twisted pretzel brain didn’t just use force on him…he made love to him. It was an admission you could tell he never wanted to share with her. Frankly – what man WOULD want to?

This is something that hasn’t changed in centuries with male victims of sexual violence & assault.  I worked with victim services for many many years. Male victims are out there. Male victims are much quieter & there is a huge stigma attached to “being” a victim. Survivors of assault & rape rarely come forward. There are so many complex reasons. More than any one person could begin to explain. Shame is only one of the reasons. Victim shaming is abhorrent and I am a shame the shamer kinda gal.

hang-thine-head-in-shame

Jamie takes another trip down flashBANG lane.  This is the one that many people had a problem with.  This is the one some claimed wasn’t in the book.   It’s all about how we “read” & “percieve”.

Jamie is clearly out of it. He wakes momentarily to see his tormentor getting washed up. Thanks pal. Mighty kind of you to be conscious of your physical hygiene since your mind is a dirty as a toilet seat in a 1 star hotel. *eyeroll*

Captain Creepy wakes our Jamie with some of that stank in a bottle.  He starts another round of his mindbuggery. He brings Claire to Jamie’s mind – speaking of her hands as he brings his over Jamie’s body with oil. With the delusion & unimaginable pain he has been in – the escape of the words “Think of your wife.” brought a resounding “YEAH! Think of CLAIRE…get the hell out of that room!” from even my husband.  After all – Jamie thought he was supposed to die shortly – if he FOUGHT this process – he surely would have suffered greater pain – YEP…this was not a scene that was “enjoyable” to watch. It certainly was not “comfortable”. However…it had a purpose.  Captain Creepy USED Jamie’s LOVE for Claire. He USED Jamie’s NEED for Claire and his NEED for comfort to get what he WANTED. The mindbuggery goes into full on buggery & he breaks Jamie completely. He gets our Jamie to surrender completely. The rotten sonofawhoseawhatyawannacallhim got exactly what he wanted.

OMG That makes me SO angry!
OMG That makes me SO angry! 

Jamie…breaks…he realizes exactly what just went down. The release was inevitable. He faces the fact that at the hands of this monster he gave over everything. He cries like a child & Captain Creepy has the nuts to say “I understand, she will never forgive you.”  Ummmmm really? This guy is more twisted than a balloon animal.

That’s finally over & we are back on the floor of the Abbey with Jamie & Claire.  He tells her straight up – he was glad not to feel pain for a bit in that moment. She needed to let him know that whatever he was thinking he had to know that there was nothing to forgive.  He was sure he was “less” to her because of it – because he was broken by him.  That quite pissed her off.  The words she speaks, she speaks with heart & vehemence. Jamie- throws them back at her.

He weakly gets back onto the bed. Tells her, he is disgusted with himself. THAT…that right there makes Claire go into I’M your wife mode.  She forces him to SEE HIMSELF as SHE sees him.  She forces him into the position she has been in.  Take yourself from ME will you? Then fine.  I go too.

You know…often we only need to see ourselves as others see us to get a fresh perspective. Sitting staring through our own self pity…looking down at ourselves, it so much different than when someone physically holds a mirror up and says HERE! THIS IS WHAT I SEE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. POWERFUL. REMARKABLE & I LOVE IT BECAUSE…

lifelesson

Moving on quickly to cutting that JR brand out. Big hunka charred flesh scooped  & flung into the fire quick as may be.  Quite a few loogey’s hawked in this episode. The last one sizzled on the fire with the man meat of Jamie’s rib. Yet another scar to add to his collection. Seriously Jamie, you are like a good ole fashion TIMEX

post-8194-0-36118000-1426349325

Takes a lickin alright…

To the shores for our goodbyes with the men. Rupert & Angus are always good for a laugh with their banter. Of course, this is the last time for a while.  Angus had to leave us with something memorable. A handful of fans were not impressed by his behaviour- uncalled for & the like…we might want to remember he’s often used for comic relief & to take our minds off things of a serious nature.  The series isn’t going to last forever folks, let’s not take everything so seriously – especially the likes of Angus aye?

angus
Yes this is the face we are to take seriously…

I must say, I do find Jamie looks quite appealing in his tricorn hat. Wait.I’d find Jamie appealing shaved bald with a polka dotted beanie. Never mind. My observations are futile.

The way Willie stood on the shore…staring out at them as they sailed away gave me pause. Made me believe – we could be seeing young Willie sooner than later.

Maybe we do...yeah...that'd be cool. Willie in France!
Maybe we do…yeah…that’d be cool. Willie in France! I’m just making guesses not starting rumours. It’s only a rumour if you repeat it.

On the ship, Jamie is trying to get his sea legs, which is hard because he isn’t very sea worthy.  Claire too…green around the gills it seems. They chat about how both are Pukey McPukersons – then Claire & Jamie start talking about their future in France. What they will be doing? Where they will go? The rising…if they can stop it.  I keep on looking at Jamie’s hand. Damn that’s dark.  Bruised and nasty. Keep talking though guys, I hear you.  Claire wants to stop Culloden from happening. She all but convinces Jamie they can change the future if they try.

Shhhhh....we aren't going to talk about THAT!

Shhhhh….we aren’t going to talk about THAT!

But now…she has something else to tell him. SOMETHING ELSE? You wanna change the future. That’s a lot right there sister. Now what?   You wanna fly to the moon? You wanna set Murtagh up with the chambermaid?

Claire tells Jamie she has a little bundle of Fraser baking in her bunnery! OH GOODY! Yeah, all of us book readers knew…know…but they have been playing with the adaption so we can never be 100% sure what they are going to do with things.  This was a great way to play it. Jamie’s face was blank…WTF?! How’d that happen-ness! Sure, he “knows” HOW it happens but as far as he was aware, Claire wasn’t able to have babies.  She isn’t wrong often but this time. YUP! Wrong! Jamie hit the baby making button.

Can't wait till he learns about these lil fellas!
Can’t wait till he learns about these lil fellas!We will get there! I know we will! YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH!

It’s hard to judge by his face if he is happy because he looks so confused. He uttered a little gaelic…could have been interpreted as “holy shit”. Read the scots blog I posted earlier and they tell you what he said there too.  She simply asks him if he is happy. The gap between his thoughts & his heart collide.  He never thought he would be happy again. But he is. VERRA VERRA HAPPY INDEED! They embrace with such enthusiasm I wanted to jump into it! In fact, they drew Murtagh to them…the smile on his face…well damnit.

won't cry...won't.....WAAAAHH

Won’t cry…Won’t…..WAAAAHH

They leave us with the most gorgeous view of our couple standing on the deck of the ship together. Staring out into their future. Jamie looking down to his wife & growing child. The ship turning…headed to- well- France right?

We have entered the land of #NaughtLander.

Look how beautiful it can be though.  Don't let it get you down.  ENJOY IT.

Look how beautiful it can be though. Don’t let it get you down. ENJOY IT.

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!

 Do not despair. There is so much for fans to do.

We promise to be here for you. Whether you like it or not. I will continue to provide my own personal brand of edutainment.  This fandom is FULL of talent.  I am gonna be throwing a bunch of it at you. Check out our twitter @ABOotlanders .  This is where we LIVETWEET with each episode. As we watch on Showcase. We furiously tweet. In fact our magic tweeters started the #OutlanderCAN. Which I will brag @ABOotlanders got to trend during episodes 8 and 16.  Canadians don’t brag but we toot our own tooters when tooting is justified. It takes a team of us @tlmfarmgirl is my TwitterTrending Posse…xo

We love to share the love.  Not, like STD share but you know…the other share.

See...clean... *eyelash flutter*

See…clean share…not dirty… *eyelash flutter*

That wasn’t so bad.  I know it took me a while to get to Episode 16. No…it wasn’t because I was scairt either.  It was because…get ready…I have this thing that gets in the way sometimes. It is called a life. UGH! I know right. RUDE!

Plus I love to hear from you. Comment – blab- chat away. I will answer.

SL/Sher or Hey You…the ABOotiest of ABOotlanders

They went there. You know…to Wentworth.

and it was worth it.

I am going to forewarn you. You generally come back to this blogburst because I make you laugh. Just because Wentworth has the climate it has. Doesn’t mean I am going to be dark and foreboding with no humour. It means it my humour will most likely be darker and more foreboding.  It will seem more likely that I will be going to hell more quickly & if you laugh at the things I say, I will be in good company when I get there…presuming you die first.

jk

Just Kidding…kinda…sorta.

We won’t have debates over heaven & hell. It’s all one big party to me.

You have the right & the freedom to stop reading this blogburst at any time. I do not say that with callousness or any inclination of rudeness. I say that with a kind heart and open mind.  The same as I ask for you to have if you choose to keep reading.

The humour I have is…mmmm….occasionally dry. Like a popcorn fart. It can be “in your face groan worthy”…you know…Grandpa humour, only I’m only semi old, no penis & don’t have hair growing out of my ears…yet. Sometimes it can be downright slap your knee …”Girlfriend…YOU AIN’T RIGHT!” That is of course, me, just talking to myself.

kitty-foreman-s-laugh-o
Me n Kitty think I am freakin hilarious!  In our own minds of course

Continue, carry on, hang out with me or…don’t. I wont be offended. Know why? I won’t even know!

I will be offended if you continue to read then decide it is in your best interest to bitch about my being crass or my insensitivity to the subject matter cuz…well…shit. I warned you didn’t I?

You know, it is episodes like this one…and The Garrison that I am so incredibly thankful to Bear McCreary. He settles our bellies before each episodes starts. So kind of him…and go to his website and look at his face…he really is a sweet looking man.

I always think of our @ABOotlander crew when I watch too, how they are going to cope. One…Our Tobias adorer. Karen…when Tobias has Black Jack (AKA Captain Creep Master General)  out to play, many of our ABOotlander crew have the pitchforks at the ready.  Karen on the other hand…has her popcorn, comfy blanket and lipstick on. Girlfriend has her protective armour on for him. Posting things like this to remind us, and pictures of Tobias holding puppies…the furry kind – not the boobie kind.

tobias

Of course we all love Tobias…we love how good he is at making us despise that sunnuvawhosawhatRandall. Digression…OVER.

The title cards have become something I look forward to each week. Last weeks The Search one was one of my favourites with the marionettes & the stones. Freakin fabulous…and honest to frig…Wentworth Prison. COME ON!

Was I looking into a friend’s bedroom? *snort* I LOVED it. It was brilliant.  The iron mask.

shivers

shudder

I really could see in my looney mind’s eye,  Diana’s face light up watching that. Not because I think she is deranged…I don’t. I think for her to see this come to fruition – to see her name on THAT particular title card – to see the depth of work, not necessarily the darkness but hear the metal & honour…yeah…I could almost see the pride she was feeling. It made me incredibly HAPPY for her.

diana

THIS…RIGHT HERE. Got me…right…THERE in the feels – all of them.

Then we get the opening scene. Nothing like a WHOOMP there it is moment eh? Wentworth Prison…let’s get right on with it shall we?

Let's waste NO time

Let’s waste NO time

We get no preludes, no foreplay, no light kisses on the neck before they just start snappin them.  One neck… after the other. The hangmans noose stretching. *Blink Blink*  I am really trying to get the sound of cracking walnuts outta my head but it’s not going anywhere.

cracking walnuts

Interesting when Mom’s get together conversation usually turns to childbirth, sex or pooping…so.. about to be hanged men…talk about poopin’ too. These must be universal topics of conversation. Granted Jamie seems to want to change the topic to, you know…escaping or at least taking out a few guards before he goes out.  Taran, he really likes to hear himself talk though. Chatty, that guy…I like his voice…likedliked his voice. As long as it lasted.

Turns out, you probably shouldn’t bad mouth the people who are tying your noose for you.  They tend not to take kindly to it and give you a bad hang. Not such a clean break comes for our friend Taran. His game of hangman lasts a lot longer than it should have…right to the last letter. His word was GAMEOVER.

gameover

Jamie is next to the hangman’s stairs but he doesn’t go easy. He puts up a fight, it doesn’t last long. His ankles are  kinda in chains.  It’s pretty amazing how large he still looks against the redcoats but yeah, they put him to his knees.

Jamie doesn’t look at the noose when it goes around his neck. He was watching Taran, hanging there.  I have to say – I was a bit discombobulated watching that particular accessory making its way around Jamie’s beautiful throat. It did not match his eyes like…at ALL!

Riding in on his damn high horse…here he comes to save his day. Captain Creep Master General Himself…

Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if your nasty
Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if you’re nasty-
and he bloody well IS.

You WILL notice I said to save HIS damn day. Usually it’s a white horse someone rides in on to save someone…this was a black horse. Yeah…symbolism – THIS is not lost on me. Not lost on Jamie either. Jamie looks about ready to jump off the side of the platform. It is definitely one of those moments I am sure he goes back to in his mind over & over again while he is in that dungeon of his.

wellhung

*snort* I love our @ABOotlander hubbies.

Watching CCMG’s face in that moment…that sneer…it reminded me of someone from my childhood. Only took me a moment…the Raccoons villain. Cyril Sneer…nuck nuck nuck

cyril sneer

Jamie doesn’t give up, he is wearing quite possibly the ugliest anklet in the history of anklets…and I have been to Ardene’s.  That is saying something.  He keeps at it – it looks hopeless – it sounds hopeless – I am pretty sure – it’s hopeless but the man has what we call…ummm…false hope…so he keeps on yanking his chain.

How many men does it take to bring a condemned man a meal of stale bread & some water? 2. One to carry the plate & torch and one to carry the pitcher of water – that never gets used. Jamie looks pretty hungry though, he rips into the bread like he hasn’t eaten in a month. Could be it’s been that long. Somebody make that boy a sandwich! *Fan’s all over the world decry their feminist beliefs to get the bread & balogna out of the fridge*

Yes… accommodations at this place are atrocious. I sure hope he writes a scathing review!

yelp

Next, we (you know, all of us & Claire)  sit for a pleasant afternoon conversation with Sir Fletcher Gordon. The warden of Wentworth. Claire has made her way into the prison under the guise as a “distant family connection”.

Let’s detour for those not in the know…most of you are but it’s always a bit of fun trivia. Frazer Hines, who Diana spotted on an episode of Dr. Who about 100 yrs ago (Diana is ageless if you haven’t noticed) in a kilt & thought “Isn’t that fetching” and found herself still thinking of this young man in a kilt the next day…in church…and you wonder why I love this dirty woman?

If you want to read it all, read this from my friends at OutlanderTV News 

We are back with Claire & Dr.WhoSirGordon, letting her know…nope, Jamie isn’t dead…yet. “Stroke of luck” he says. Ummm, stroke of something but your definition of luck and mine are way different buddy. I call lucky hitting the 6/49 jackpot. Maybe that’s just me. *shrug*

Claire sees the Bible on Sir G’s desk. Puts her 2 & 2 together and comes up with Jesus. So she decides it is time to throw down the christian card.

Get it...Christian...card...throwing it...

Get it…Christian…card…throwing it…

It works. Kind of.  She hoped to see Jamie. That is a no. He’s a dangerous criminal and she is a high born English lady. That’s silly!  She asks maybe a letter of reconciliation for his family. Nah…that’s not appropriate. Sir G is probably thinking the Scot probably can’t read or write anyway. OH! But she could do a wonderful kindness & save them some expense by taking this rotten kids stuff home to his family. When he leaves the room…Claire starts to fall apart. FFS Caitriona Balfe is insanely talented & I have NO idea how someone did not see this sooner but I am pretty friggen happen the universe works the way it does and they didn’t. So there.

Sir G comes back and Claire pulls it back together pretty well. The old fart hands over everything the young prisoner owns in the world –  right here in this box to Claire. His whole life…

clairehands

I often talk about Caitriona’s face. This time it was her hands, the way she grasped the box, Held it. Yeah…that. Come on. Woman. It was like she held Jamie’s and her own heart…right there. I might add…mine.  Friggen box.

She leaves the prison weakened, stumbling & sickened. She throws up & Murtagh – grabs her & the box & carries her away from the place that cracked her heart – but didn’t break her. This is Claire. BADASS. I want to add. Duncan Lacroix has added THE 4th dimension to Murtagh that “I” always felt was there in the books that some others seem to be surprised by. For 20 yrs I have adored Murtagh – always thought he was soft, humourous & loveable…in a book you have to be willing to add the dimension…on TV the actor needs to be willing to give it. Duncan does with an extra bit of awesomeness mixed in. He gives us Murtagh. With an extra dash of eyebrows. The most expressive damned eyebrows to have lived. Yes, I know the eyebrows have their own twitter account.

weird

…that’s all I have to say about that

 

The next scene has Angus n Rupert seemingly playin hookey. Murtagh is pretty pissy with them. As much as a hardass as Murtagh is, his potty mouth is pretty tame. Donkeys?! Our virgin ears. *giggle*

Of course, it only seemed like Angus & Rupert were humpin’ the dog.  They in fact were doing some undercover interrogation. Sly, these two.  Letting not one…but 2 jailers from Wentworth win all their monies at dice so they can get them to flap their gums about what happens at the prison.  They get some really great recon information. LIKE – Sir G is super dedicated to his Bible time.  So much so…he is away from his office for a solid hour everyday.

Our Angus n Rupert are pretty damn proud of themselves…as they should be.

thinkerfeeler

Of course we go from the comedy duo straight to the depths of hell.  Nothing like jerking our emotional chains.

Let’s be off to the dungeon. Where Jamie is still struggling to free his chains – there is not much in this young man that says “Give Up.”  He can be heading to the gallows & he will get a shot in…as long as there is a chain to pull on…he will yank it.

Then there is Captain Creepy. He obviously was at top of his class in Smuggery101.

smugasfuck
Apologies to Jacks mom for calling her a bitch – I don’t know her but she went seriously wrong somewhere. Either she didn’t love him enough, dropped him on his head or something cuz…boyfriend just ain’t right.

He enters the dungeon, aka – pit of hell, aka Not so Suite of Torture. I could go on all day…but I won’t. It makes my tummy hurt. Someone have some Pepto?

Ira Steven Behr – one of the co-executive producers & writers of this particular show…ummm…yeah, he is brilliant. He wrote the dialogue in this episode. Brilliance? Yeah…I would say that. CCMG starts waxing poetic & falls into referencing the King of Men. Touching…isn’t it? He even makes reference to Brutus later as well…Ira…you killed me with these and I loved them. Seems I’m a twisted little pretzel myself.

Naturally, we can’t omit or forget that they introduced Marley. Not the cute loveable dog Marley…but the slackjawed…sidekick that is to be CCMG’s gopher. His strong arm & “body servant”.  Let’s all do a collective shudder together shall we? I am glad they didn’t match my imagination with this particular character. That would have been over the top & putrid. I am indeed disgusting because Marley of my mind…makes me want to jump off a bridge.

CCMG has a little chat with Jamie, letting him know he intercepted his petition of complaint against him. SUNNUVA! I am pretty sure we all heard him right, mentioning said petition “blackened his character”.  Perhaps it is time someone grabbed Doucher Von Douchermeister a flipping mirror because I am thinking her has never seen himself clearly. He has ZERO character TO blacken.

Do you hear yourself talking?

Do you hear yourself talking?

That damned Duke of Sandringham- I tell you the old sot needs to get a swift kick in his wee balls. SmugCaptain Creepy takes the petition out…historical document it was – burns it. That’s over…done.  Jamie knows it…we fade to black. Not Jack…just…black.

fade_to_black_animation_by_soulkreig-d34zj03

It leaves you feeling so…fadey

Now we are going back into Wentworth while Sir G McGee is doing his praying. Murtagh & Claire say that he told her to come back for a letter. Jamie was to write it for his family.  These English folks really need to hook up with 1-800-Dentist…I can smell the rot from here. It takes a bit for the gaurdie fella with the narsty teeth to let them alone but he does. They search the office for keys & a map of the prison…one seems easy enough. The map…not so much. Moments you wish GPS was handy.

lostgps

Good things never come from not knowing where you are or where you’re going.

We are back in the pits of hell where CCMG is trying to do away with formalities. Asking if he can call Jamie Jamie…umm how about you don’t call him? Or how about you call him a cab so he can get the hell outta there?  That would make this nicer. Oh right. It’s not supposed to be nice.

CCMG asks if he makes Jamie “uncomfortable” Hmmmm.  You know something bud? I think you would make kittens on a cloud of cotton balls uncomfortable. You aren’t exactly Nan’s fresh baked cookies on Christmas morning. He taunts Jamie with his flogging & the psychological damage he wanted to inflict on him. What he wants to do is make Jamie surrender himself to him, admit he has broken him & to watch him break some more.  He desperately wants Jamie to be afraid of him…that would get his rocks off like nobody’s business.

A gift. He wants to give Jamie a gift in return if gives him his surrender.  You know Jack ole buddy ole pal…your idea of a gift…WAY off. SO off…so very fucked up.

sick bastard

Yes, his gift is a clean & honourable ending of Jamie’s choosing *ahem*. Uh-huh. The worst part of this whole speech that CCMG is giving – he believes every word that is coming out of his dirty mouth.  Just think, he probably once kissed his own mama with that mouth.  The mouth that is condemning a man to choose his death & promising him he will surrender to him. Such a charmer that one eh?

Claire & Murtagh are still in Sir G-man’s office looking for the map. They found the keys but lot of good they will do if they can’t find their way around. Ummmm – so much for that. Caught by narsty teeth…that’s ok. Murtagh hits him square in the sweet spot. You know the one….that one that makes folks go night night without a lullabye. You have to admit the “Ambien Noodle Shot” is better than his “Slit Your Throat & Give You a FlipTop Head” performance. Plus, it’s more aesthetically pleasing.

No more time now for niceties or maps. It’s time to get searching for where Jamie is. Claire is doing this on her own because she can claim “Swoon oops – I’m lost” & Murtagh can be all “DER…huh what? I’m gone for presents n shit” They agree to meet in the woods & off they go.

roger-sterling-okie-dokie

Let’s do this thing shall we?

Let’s do this thing shall we?

 Claire is doing her level best to creep through bright & shiney halls of cheery Wentworth looking for her husband. I heard somewhere if you talk about something in a positive light, it will take on its tone.  Is it working?

Calling for Jamie amongst the cells filled with filthy, shivering…at least I really really hope that guy was shivering…men.  Nope…no Jamie. We all know where the poor sunnuvaellen is.

In one of the cells Jesus speaks. No for realsies. Jesus leads her way. His deep tenor raises from one of the glum cells, his face half lit with moonlight tells her where she can find her man.

See...TOTALLY Jesus...

See…TOTALLY Jesus…pray for us sinners. Mostly me.

Back in the condo of condemnation with Captain Creepy, Marley & their not so comfortable guest Jamie Fraser… our hosts anxiously awaiting the lads choice of death. Damn it son…there’s no choice! I WILL NOT SURRENDER!

I will NEVER surrender!

I will NEVER surrender!

Jack ain’t even mad. In fact, he seems chipper- impressed  *eyeroll*  He wonders if Jamie will let him see his back. What a weirdo. Marley…is anyone in there?  You know what’s going on big guy?  Really…Jamie just wants Creepy to shut the hell up – actually – there is something else going on behind those baby blues.

you-re-dead-to-me-o

Captain Creepy takes a wide walk around our Jamie…wanting to feast his eyes on his back.  Reaches & gets close enough that Jamie spins and is able to grab him by the throat & exchange some words. Marley’s cerebral cortex seems to be functioning on some level and he joins in the action. The scene plays out much like it did in the book…only…this time I can super see it! Right there…on the screen. This is still freaking me out!

ofpje

I don’t know if its cool or freaky or messed up or ALL of it

Marley, doing what he thinks…well…if he does think…and not just ‘does’ what his minimal capacity base instinct of “fetch scot” gave him the inclination to do…does and he damn near kills Jamie until Captain Creepy deals Marley a good ole fashion Frantics Boot to the Head.

Slackjawed bugger looks as stupefied as…well…he is. So, we DON’T want him dead? We DO want him dead? Duh….boss….I’m so confused!

uh duh ok boss whatever you say boss

uh duh ok boss whatever you say boss

Since Marley just grunts n stares. He seems to respond to being called dog…we aren’t apt to know exactly what is going on in his big ole head.  He is ordered to get Jamie to his feet. He does. Basic obedience. It’s his jam.

This is the moment when Captain Creepy just decides…pulls this random idea out of the blue. Jamie’s hand would look better as hamburger. Grabbing his handy dandy mallet.Why the hell not? Get Marley to hold his hand & we will just smash it all to shit.   I heard people saying…why did Jamie scream so much when his hand was being crushed by a mallet but he didn’t make a sound during the flogging?

really Let’s spell this out for you.

  • 29 major and minor bones (many people have a few more).
  • 29 major joints.
  • At least 123 named ligaments.
  • 34 muscles which move the fingers and thumb:
    • 17 in the palm of the hand, and
    • 18 in the forearm.
  • 48 named nerves:
    • 3 major nerves.
    • 24 named sensory branches.
    • 21 named muscular branches.
  • 30 named arteries and nearly as many smaller named branches.

Maybe that? But I am only guessing.

seriously

PLUS…Gretel needed a sound to follow…didn’t she?  I mean Claire.

We have to cut back to the depths of that dungeon room, Captain Creepy done crushing Jamie’s hand- he is almost passed out from the pain of it. Captain has real blame issues, simply refuses to accept responsibility for his own actions  Nope- we can’t have that. CCMG wants his attention. Wakey Wakey rise n shine! Jamie wakes up alright..wakes up pretty pissed off & lunges- which turns out…excites lil creepy. This kids…is BAD TOUCHING. You know the kind that Mom told you about. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

The biggest hint that you are a disgusting human being is when another disgusting human being looks at you like this…marleygross

But no no. Even Creepy was getting too Creepy for Creepy.  He has a fantasy to uphold and he wasn’t going to ruin it for himself. No way. No how. Time to get lil creepy into check.

Charlie Sheen26
I know…Im giving him too much credit but this GIF makes me giggle

SO yeah Jamie…he is there to HELP you. Help…again…this dude’s vocabulary is so incredibly backward & disjointed…it makes my head hurt. Jamie just passes out. He is so over this. Done like dinner.

Our Claire was making her way through the hallways…hot damn how I love that woman.  Even with her desperation to find her husband, even hearing the screams, she has the wherewithal to find that door to the outside, unbolt, unlock and leave it.  I kinda wish she would have kept that bolt so she could have used it to give Captain Creepy an enema…not gonna lie. Truth is though – any weapon she would have had- would have been turned around to be used on her so good call sister!

Major reason we love Claire. S.M.A.R.T.

smartie-pants

Claire is a regular smartypants.

The moment she finds him…I find myself transported back to the first time I picked up Diana’s book. I kid you not. I don’t care one wit that all dialogue isn’t there because I still have the books if I want to read them.  I FELT THIS like I did the first time I read it.  After the second time I watched it…I felt it again…the third time…I felt it again. You know what? I was never able to get that first time reader feeling back though. That is what I love about the show & the actors bringing the pages to life. The added dimension that you get to experience over and over.

funny-gifs-that-was-fun-lets-do-it-again

OMG…that was unsettling…let’s do it again

Jamie knows she is there…and tells her to go because he knows that freak of nature is coming back. She doesn’t want to leave without him and grabs the mallet & the keys and tries to get him free- but yeah…Jamie…even in his delirium…totally right. Freakshow & his ape…are back. Claire throws some insults his way…calls him a fucking sadistic piece of shit. Which he is but he doesn’t know it because he doesn’t know what most of what she said is. Interesting concept…Black Jack Randall…invented it.

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He WAS the original fucking sadist..MIND BLOWN

Oh a little chance with a couple Redcoats bounding through the halls looking for Claire, she implores them to take her to Sir G but yeah, they are pretty terrified of Old Creepy –  because he is an Officer or because he is him. They know it ain’t right but Captain Creepy could have them there tomorrow so God Save the King and all that jazz…off they go!

Captain Creepy lets Marley get all up in Claires business, talks about seeing you next tuesday and how nope…even being as disgusting and nasty as HE is…he wouldn’t even want to watch Marley have his way with her. You can almost taste the vomit can’t you?

barf

yup…right there…in my mouth

 

Claire isn’t taking any of this. When Marley is all curled around her…the bigger they are…the harder the knee to their balls. Down he drops like the sack of shite he is. She slams CCMG into the wall and throws a chain around his neck!  WHOOOOOHOOOO You Go GIRL!

Jamie, see’s this – takes the opportunity, grabs the chair leg from the floor with what energy he has lunges and gives Marley a good old fashioned you are dead tracheotomy! BOOM!

CCMG knocks Claire ass over teakettle. Thank Ms.Fitz for bumrolls cuz that may have busted a sisters tailbone.

The hero’s can’t have the upper hand for long though. Not in this story. Not right now. Jack heaves Claire up by her throat because he is always so gentle. Jamie…gallantly screams for him to stop & offers himself to the sicko burrito if he lets her go.

It sounds good to him but nothing is cut & dried with Captain Creepy. Nope. We have to make sure you know just how much business he means.  He now pulls a rusty nail (not the drink) out of a board and drives it into Jamie’s already ruined hand & the table itself- you know just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. Cuz, yeah, the next train leaves in 5 minutes & he might wanna hop on that.

When Creepy pulled that nail out and started that business & Jamie reached for Claire. MAN! COME ON! I have feels that I must control & you people are making it NOT EASY!

jamieclairetogether2

It was torturous. It was beautiful. It was confusing as hell to my heart & my brain.  This writing team is going to turn me into some sort of psychotic. Or some might argue keeping me on the path…

The acting. Impeccable. I believe Tobias – as Jack is a freak of nature. I believe Caitriona – as Claire is breaking piece by piece and I believe Sam – as Jamie, is in complete agony &  accepting his fate, giving up his soul to save the life of the woman he loves. These people have transformed for me.

Ugh, Creepy then went in for a kiss…yeah. A kiss…we all spit after…right along with Jamie. My hubs wasn’t happy…you know the popcorn…not good soggy.

giphy

and NO…it is NOT because it was a dude kissing a dude…it is because it was Captain Creepy kissing Jamie…in front of his wife. THAT AIN’T RIGHT!

Jamie tells Creepy to take her away.  Not wanting to go – she runs back to him- Jamie, always the hero…tells her… she must do it and tells her he loves her…calls her mo nighean donn. They Kiss…so tender like there is no pain – no hurt…only them… Then she is taken away.

nailed it

As Captain Creepy is escorting her out, he mentions he heard about the rumour of her being a witch.  Claire, never one to miss an opportunity…doesn’t JUST walk through that door, she smashed it open and breaks his damn nose with it.

witchiam

Just to prove her point to him, she says his full name, date of birth, she curses him and tells him the day he dies…for dramatic effect, whispers it in his creepy little ear.  I think he pooped a little.

I thought karma was a bitch…turns out. Black Jack Randall is…especially when you tell him news like that. He throws you out into a pit of dead folks. Not pleasant.

Taran McQuarrie made his final appearance. Dead. He still looked pretty good.  I am just thankful we don’t have smell-o-vision. That would have been gnarly.

Lucky Jamie gets Jack back.

sarcasm

Claire crawled outta a deadfolk hole & into the woods where she was supposed to find the boys.  The scene with the wolf from the book didn’t happen & you know what? OK.  Can you imagine was a nightmare that would be production wise? Time, CGI, actual wolves, poor Cait…yeah…I am not heartbroken to rely on my imagination for the rest of my life for that one.

I may not have been completely heartbroken if we never went back into the chamber of misery but noooooooooooo- right back there and in a jiffy too.

We start of with a tad bit of good intentions we do.  Captain Do Right, unchains Jamie’s ankle & gives him his word Claire is safe away. You know, that even catches in my throat as I type it. Sure…he has some honour for what sick, demented line it crosses.

post-26206-Yosemite-Sam-keeps-crossing-Bu-vFRB

Yeah, it takes him all of 20 seconds to cross said line.  He tears open Jamies shirt to view his…masterpiece. Seriously. He is touching Jamie’s back like it’s a sheet of braille and he is reading it FFS! If it says anything Captain Creepy….it says you are one sick MoFo!  Now…CCMG doesn’t just cross lines…he takes said line…kicks it a few feet…then jumps the hell over it.

I am pretty sure if you wandered into the Le Louvre and started licking the Mona Lisa…your ass would get kicked out. Captain Creepy…you have graduated to Captain Cracked. That is NOT a masterpiece…YOU are not an artist… Jamie’s back is NOT a canvas.  Would someone please find Mentalmarvin a straight jacket and put us out of our misery?

During this. Let me say. One tear. That’s right. One tear.

Tobias goes to some pretty dark & diabolical places…Sam as an actor will have to go to some pretty weakened states as a person. I imagine…one maybe almost fun for some actors to do. Let’s face it…to be given permission to go to the darkest places in us, maybe invent those places & play with them.  Now for Sam, to be exposed in that way – to  allow someone to go to those dark places – and then direct them AT us.  That’s a pretty vulnerable place to go. It’s a pointed struggle for a woman to do it. She would also have more sympathisers I would think- a man…it would go against every ounce of every fiber of every thing in their being.  I think you can see if pretty clearly… in that tear.

thetear

Thank whoever you are thanking that they cut to Claire in the woods. It was too intense in that there tear!

We get to McRannock’s joint- he is the fella  who gave Ellen the pearls. You know the sexy time pearls Jamie put around Claire’s neck on their wedding night & made love….*sigh*…never mind. I had to go there for a moment. It was a happy place.

You know something. Jamie’s mom…had it going on! Murtagh…McRannock…the dude she embarrassed that ran off in the night when she took off to marry Brian…and of course, Brian. McRannock isn’t convinced completely that he will be helping them, he ended up married with bairns of his own and well…he would do a lot for Ellen’s lad but get himself killed..and put his family in danger, might be a bit much aye?

36-yeah-no-text

It’s at this time a drunken sot comes in & McRannoch loses his nut on him. Murtagh goes to see whats up their craws and gets the “Murtagh’s face is gonna crack” look. You know…cuz it’s smilin so wide.

Seems…when there are kine…better known as cows in Canada…that means Murtagh transforms into Scottish MacGyver & we now have an escape plan for Jamie.

moose

If we can lend you some moose – they can disguise themselves. Highland coo’s aren’t so different…well if you squint…close your eyes and yeah…maybe they are.

Yes…we have seen the previews. We have 2 wks. until  Nekkid Randall…as enticing as Nekkid Gramma…but we are ready. We used to need drool buckets, we have exchanged them for barf buckets.

…and then once that is over…it won’t just be a droughtlander—We will be #WithOutLander…but we will survive! TOGETHER  with out fellow #NUTLANDERS!

 

SL – the ABOotlander on Ativan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

La- La- Lallybroch all the way home!

A dozen. Can you believe we have made it to a dozen episodes already? What started out as a glisten in our eyes.  Damn, time flies when you are a manic obsessive eh?

The Lallybroch episode opens focusing in on puppies. FOOLED YA! Not the puppies you are used to focusing on at the beginning of the show. Not this time. Still they are adorable! There was that Showcase Nudity Expectation…they call it a warning, I call it a shout out of show benefitsadultcontentThere goes that digression again.

If anyone doesn’t have an insatiable urge to travel to Scotland simply by watching the aerial shots the show features…I think you are dead inside. DEAD. Tourism Scotland should pay Diana Gabaldon & all of the Outlander Starz a royalty. I mean…REALLY.

kimberleeonlinetakemymoney

We are travelling to Lallybroch at mach speeds, that is what we are doing. Jamie is taking NO chances that Claire is going to change her mind. Those friggen airplane flying things she is talking about sound so chill- she probably told him about running water & not having to bury your own poop too. He’s getting her the hell outta stonehedge as fast as Donas can take them.

I know, I know…looks like a slow freaking trot but honestly. It didn’t take that long to get there did it? Work with me people.

Marriage, facetime & all sorts of personal goodtimes later Jamie finds out Claire is robbing the cradle. A good ole SILF. She’s no one’s mother…just a regular ole Sassenach. It’s all good, it’s only a few years, plus girlfriend is VERRA well put together for someone 200 and some yrs older than he is. He could do laoghaire much worse. She has all her own teeth & hardly a pock mark to speak off- except that freaky deaky devilly one on her arm…shhhhh.

shhhh
Shhhhh. Between you n me.

They get to the arriving stages and when Jamie is supposed to be getting happy. The demons of memory start seeping in. He tells Claire he was told rumours about Jenny…uh-huh. Rumours. I think ANY of us could help Jamie our with the rumour department. If you didn’t see it with your own damn eyes or hear it with your own damn ears shut your own big mouth. Or something to that effect eh?

*Rumours - we can tell they travel faster because he heard Jenny was pregnant cuz of Randall but he heard nothing about her marrying Ian. Which wasn't a rumour...it was TRUE. Stupid rumoUrs. PFT!

*Rumours – we can tell they travel faster because he heard Jenny was pregnant cuz of Randall but he heard nothing about her marrying Ian. Which wasn’t a rumour…it was TRUE. Stupid rumoUrs. PFT!

Jamie, as manly as he looks in or out of a kilt or in or out of trews…he still has a lot to learn about being a man…this is where the lessons will start.

I loved the arrival shot…even though I wanted to tell Donas to go home…he looked drunk…boppin into Jamie, then I thought “Hey, if he was walking me like that, I’d bop into him too. You go Donas!”

bigbutts

Just a lil earworm to start your day

“Jamie” A very pregnant Jenny says. A wee lil mite looks up and a big ole red heided man looks over.

She drops, what I hope is dirty laundry…cuz if that was clean…BUGGER…doing laundry back then took too much work to just drop it in the door yard!

god-damnit-o
You are going to have to do all that laundry again. That…man…that’s rough.

 She holds in her baby belly to run into her brothers arms to give him a big hug. Then as quick as the happy homecoming lasts. It’s pretty much over. She chastises him for not texting, sending an email or snap chatting. Rude man. Would have taken just a minute…okay probably would have taken a couple weeks/months to send a messenger. Still RUDE. You deserved that.

little-boy-and-little-girl-o

Then she happily introduces that cute little wee man Jamie to his Uncle. Now because Big Jamie was stupid enough to listen to rumours (remember what happens when you do that people) he jumps on the conclusion bridge and falls through the slats. He makes an ass of himself asking why she would name Randalls bastard after him. DOH!  Jenny doesn’t mince many words…insinuating she is a hoooor? Bad moove dude. GAD…I love it when they bandy about the word hooooor.

Claire tries to get Jamie to see some reason but that’s not gonna go over because a) he’s a stubborn pig headed FRASER b) Jenny called her a trollop.  No worries. I am pretty sure Claire knows a pissy Fraser when she sees one. She takes a step back and lets the rams battle it out a bit.  sibling

Jenny threatens to grab Jamie by the ballocks to make him listen, just like she did when they were younger. So- for all those that said Jenny seemed harsher in the show than the books. You might remember – this passage is FROM the books. Only in the show, Jamie isn’t actually wearing his kilt, he is wearing his trews so they didn’t have her go as fast as a snake and grab his balls…like she did in the book.

Go back in time and tell me THE Jenny that ACTUALLY grabbed his balls & squeezed “wasn’t as harsh” *giggle*.  Truth is, when you are faced with a woman of strength, power & un-shakability. It is stark. Real.  That’s what Laura Donnolly did. 3 cheers girlfriend, you grabbed Jenny “takes no shit from nobody” Fraser Murray by the balls and ran with her. Well done.

Jamie is scandalized she should say such a thing in front of his wife. PSHAW Jamie…she knows all about your balls by now Jenny says. Don’t be such a ninny. Point taken. Claire does…really really does.

Jenny tries to remind him the last time she saw him he wasn’t exactly in the best of condition so how about he change his attitude. Then Ian rounds the corner & sets him straight. Those babies are mine – yep- your Brother in Law & btw…we thought you were dead. Maybe if you only wrote once in a while this whole big mess might have been taken care of.

I get it, the price on your head. Shame how things like that get in the way. It’s all comes down to effective communication folks!

Ya think?
Ya think?

A wee side note…those who have a difficulty warming up to Jenny…thinking she is like sharp glass. Those who see certain women in their lives like this. Are looking at Jenny with their personal experience filter. They may very well be intimidated by those women or dislike them & are attaching those feelings to Jenny. They might not see that but it’s one of those things many of us do without ever realizing it. Sometimes, it is even the traits in ourselves we don’t like…and we see them reflected in those characters. Well, we can outwardly hate them way easier than we can hate ourselves…huh?

right
That’s right…I said it.

Always a Hoppy Guy Ian welcomes Jamie with open arms – Claire too.  Jamie is about to say I am—sorry—but Jenny decides it madlibs time and she finishes his sentence with “a damn fool” and some other unflattering stuff.

pl1m8K2

Back into the house for the understatement of the 18th century.  HoppyGuyIan asks Claire “Do y’drink whisky?” She replies “I’ve been known to have a glass or two.” Let’s finish your sentence for you Claire…since you clearly didn’t. “before breakfast.” or “with another 5 glasses of whisky.” or “added to pocket flask to get through every conversation I have ever had.” HoppyGuyIan gives her his seal of approval & lets her know to prep her liver. It’s going to be a meter checking kinda night.

liver

Jamie glutton for punishment that he is, has this NEED…even though he has been experiencing flash backs.  You see he seems prone to PTSD.  Jamie just has to hear what Captain Creep Master General Randall did to his sister while he was passed out hanging in the yard .  She is only gonna tell you once buddy so you best clean the shit outta your ears and listen good!

This is not just a story, it’s a pop up book…well…not quite. We will get to that.

Captain Creep turns up his level of creep factor to oh…about 942 in this scene. Takes her hand like he is Creepy Uncle Dick leading her to get ice cream in the alley behind Target. You know the one they boarded up last week. Yeah. That one. Then roots her up against the wall. He starts sniffin at her – it’s his way of smelling his prey I think.smellfear

Checking out their fear level. Jenny is doing pretty good though.  It wasn’t bad enough that he cleaned her face in the yard earlier with his nasty fingers, now, he is sticking his damned filthy feelers into her mouth. Those things were sooooo foul that I gagged – and I am not a gagger. Usually. Tobias – you done made me ’bout woof my cookies!

Whomp...there it is
Whomp…there it is

Jenny- She is a no bullshit kinda girl & the taste of those pointers did nothing to improve her attitude, neither did him grabbing her breast like it was bread that needed kneading or having her give him a grope. After making her look at him –  she reached over for a big ole candlestick and bashed him in the head.

Let’s just say Captain Creepy had one hard head that day because it barely phased him! He swung her around & threw her to the ground, figured some pottery would be a nice touch – then up by the hair. This piece of human crap waste sure likes swinging girls around by the hair. Makes my scalp hurt for Jenny! One day…one day…I want someone to grab HIM by that ponytail of his and play the longest game of Tetherball known to man. Just a wee idea!

He tosses her into the next room by the hair & then smacks her. Thinking…that ought to take care of that. Time to get down to business.

Captain Creepy removes his coat, unbuttons his flies & invites Lil Captain Phallus Jr. to the proceedings. Hi there buddy…it just doesn’t seem to be your day. No one is screaming in pain or terror…that’s what you like huh? Awwww…too bad. Is that why your hiding?  Jenny see’s this and well, you know, warbled as it was. She laughed. That can’t be good for the little guy…seems he got REALLY embarrassed, said “No way Jack…I ain’t going out there…THEY ARE LAUGHIN at me!”

bjr

You HAVE to admire Tobias Menzies for committing to this scene the way he did. I mean…he COMPLETELY committed. This was no penis stunt double.  That scene tore down BJR like NO other scene ever could.  It simply couldn’t be “shown” with him “rubbing” at his breeches. The humiliation, the mortification. Jenny’s visual standpoint wouldn’t have been effective had we not known what she had seen, what she & he had both experienced.  People have said “I could imagine it, I did HAVE to see THAT” Could you though?  Could you really?  The dynamic…the nature of that is visceral. Visceral is not always comfortable but its not because it’s genitalia. It’s because it brings you somewhere you might not want to go. Face it, a flaccid penis is not threatening, it’s a part of the human body. It really has the same visual appeal as perhaps…ummm a big toe.  Tobias’—well,  a pretty big toe but – there I go with the digression thing again.

Plus, I am all about equal opportunity nudity.  The body is the body. It’s a part of who we are. The more we hide it and make it shameful the worse society makes people feel for having one. I think that stinks. It’s the reason that using the word penis and seeing a penis becomes some sort of “thing”.  Some said, the penis wasn’t the big deal, it was the “handling” of the penis. I wonder why? I wasn’t supposed to make you comfortable. THAT was the point. A common remark was “I couldn’t do it.”  That’s ok.  It wasn’t you doing it. It was Tobias, in the “role” of BJR, for the part, in the moment.  You aren’t do it for any reason. Take the YOU out of it. Look at it in the perspective it was intended & the why. Take away the negative power the negative hold that has been put into our brains over the years, decades…and TADA. Positive Penis Praise Prevails! – ahem- and yes…I have a vagina. *gasp*

gasp

Now, back to the show. Captain Creepy knows this laughter thing is keeping Lil FlaccidNoodle Jr. from enjoying the job at hand so he figures if he shuts her up by making her turn around and smacking her around…that will cure her for sure.  Nope. Jenny has gone full on banshee by now.  She recalls to those listening, she isn’t exactly sure why…but she could tell both Captain Creepy Sr. & Captain Creepy Jr. didn’t like it when she laughed so she was going to keep that shit up.  She could take a smack but as long as Jr. was flimsy he couldn’t do the job…so LAUGH she would.

hyena-laugh-o

I heard in more than a few articles suggesting Randall wanted her to turn around because he was a homosexual & needed pretend she was a man.  They gathered this after he vied for Jamie (later in the episode).  I have talked to many people who clearly know a little something about homosexuality- seeing how they are…they tell me it’s REALLY hard to pretend a woman is anything but a woman regardless of what hole you are penetrating…let’s not insult them to that degree. SO – I disagree with that particular viewpoint…BJR…has a taste for ANYONE he can terrify. Male or female. As Tuesday, April 28, 2015

” target=”_blank”>Diana Gabaldon as perfectly stated MANY times, BJR is an equally opportunity sadist. He wanted Jenny to turn around so she couldn’t watch his humiliation. Period. He can get aroused by anyone – that he is scaring the crap out of or controlling to his will. Period.  Jenny done screwed over his method of gettin some.

oh no you didnt

Just to make sure he made more friends. He called her a scottish see you next Tuesday and bashed her head off the bedpost. Boy oh boy Captain Creepy! You sure are rackin up the “Degenerate of the Month” points. He stuffed nerveless Jr. back in his pants & they left. Humiliated.

patricks-underwear-o

People found that hard to believe.  Not me.  In my minds eye, there is no way he was going to be able to perform with the last vision of that face being mockery. Better he get the hell out of dodge, letting his men think he done tapped that.

Back to the drawing room. Jenny wanted an apology, Jamie figured he gave her one. Men, do that. Think they apologize when they don’t. Claire had Jenny’s back and corrected him. Now, some think Jenny was being rude to Claire here by saying “This is between my brother & me”  I saw it as her standing up for Jamie. Cool eh? We see things from our perspective- our filters. I have big sisters who push my buttons & stand up for me. Jamie is like “Geez Claire! There ya go again…c’mon… since I can’t spank ya, I’m going to give you a tongue lashin’ and not the kind you like.”

So off to another room they go so he can remind her. He’s the king of the castle & she’s needs to be his queen. At least in public. Remember Leticia? Colum’s wife? She always held her tongue in public, he tells her. She would throw shit at the old codger in private but in public…she supported him. So there’s a visual. Leticia whipping things across the room at a cripple. Tsk Tsk. Classy girlfriend.

Claire tells Jamie he better be careful and smarten up a bit because she can assure him, she has better aim than Leticia ever did.

amen
Claire will drink to a good throwing arm. Hitting her target. Not being meek. Hell…Claire will drink to just about anything.

HoppyGuy Ian breaks the silence, always the sweety. Asking Claire where she is from- doesn’t really matter though does it. This is home she says.

Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home

Jenny is a bit taken aback. Home is it? Been gone 4 yrs. Outlawed and PLUNK back down with a wife & taking over my house. That’s a bit intrusive. What about that thing called a price on your big thick head?  Ah, yet ANOTHER Englishman is going to pull me out of the fire. Hmrph…Jenny “take no flack from anyone especially the English” Murray doesn’t trust this much. Why should she, they tied up her brother in front of her eyes, dragged her up into her room & attempted to rape her. Pretty sure there would be no love loss there for anyone. She is the big sister…see’s yet another button un-pushed on her big brother and gives it a go. “Never thought you’d be so trustin’ of the English.”

pushbutton

Oh Jamie you have SO many buttons to push brother!

I think Claire knows where this is coming from and instead of taking it as too much of a dig, she chooses to leave the room & wash up than to start another English/Scottish war.  If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Choose-a-communication-strategy-Tina-Fey-zip-it

Mrs. Fitzgibbons sent Jamie & Claire their things. Sweet lady. Jenny, for all of those who were growling about her being bitchy- bah! She says right about here that since the Laird is staying, he should have the main bed chamber & sends the maids to take care of things.  She doesn’t seem put out, annoyed or bothered. Ian, in fact looks humoured by the whole deal.  Jamie confirms…Yep… I am Laird. Some thought that was arrogant. Perhaps stating the obvious may be a trifle redundant in the moment but sometimes saying things out loud makes it easier for us to accept…doesn’t it? Especially when we are having a hard time believing it ourselves.

So Molly Maid ripped through the Lairds quarters & got rid of Jenny & Ian’s personal belonging making room for Jamie & Claire to take over residence. Now, it’s time for some walks down memory lane.  Claire, do you see…all the blue? Your new home, room…blue. All the pottery, vases…blue. You didn’t need to buy that vase in episode one did you? You are surrounded by them now…and later…well. FLUTTER!

vases

Jamie tells Claire stories of his father. Bringing Brian Fraser to life for us. Who was played by Andy Whipp. Another fantasticalamazaball casting choice. He was on the screen for moments. He came to life in some dialogue in which Jamie talked about his books, boots n blade.

We get to “meet” Brian. In Fort William as Jamie speaks of him. We got a sneak peek at him – those of us that were hound dogs looking for him in “The Garrison” episode. This time – in this flashback. Jamie brings him to before our eyes & Andy Whipp brings him to life.  They look a like, the lilt of of their accents. Damn fine casting.

I can see it...can you?

I can see it…can you?

The way he commands the guards with compassion & dignity. Not groveling. The way he tells Jamie he will stand by him. This father in this time isn’t ashamed to love his son & kisses his cheek. “Y’er a braw lad son!” Major sigh. Reminding your boy to be strong in the face of everything. Yes. Brian Fraser made me love him in about 10 seconds flat. Frogs n arseholes he made me love him!

Then we have to face off against HIM. Again. Ugh. Captain Creep Master General. Sitting there idly writing letters. Probably to his only friends.

dear s&m

Rambling on to Jamie how his Dad couldn’t possibly get his pardon letter and be back on time, but he had a GREAT idea on how he could get out of getting flogged again.

There were two menu choices. 1. Buggery. No butter. 2. Floggery. With Extra Hate on the side.  Geez Jamie. What’s it going to be? You know…Jamie could live without butter he is thinking. CCMG said he would let him go. Suuuuuuuure, he’d let you go alright. Straight to a grave. I think he would have on’d him, then off’d him.

With the feeling of his father’s kiss still wet upon his cheek he is thinking, there is no way he could let his father down like that. Not so much the  buggery.It’s the whole-letting that man “the chair doesn’t even want sitting on it” break his will.

douchechair

Like Jamie doesn’t know how much a second flogging is going to hurt. The big meany pokes him right in the stripes. Not a here’s a wee FB poke to make your day but a remember this? This hurts dunnit?

pokeme

Then, we get to see the flogging AGAIN. GLARF! Like it wasn’t bad enough the first time. Brian has to be there. Seeing it, then dropping. The aneurysm takes him. We knew Brian for moments. Yet when he falls to the ground, he takes my heart down with him. WHY, BRIAN WHY???

cry

Jamie regrets it all. Not seeing his Dad die. Well, we saw it. It was horrible. Didn’t see him taken away, buried & hasn’t seen his grave. Putting off the tough stuff. Jamie- it seems to be your thing these last 4 yrs. Running away. Ammiright?

SUPPERS ON! Claire thinks the best way to anyone’s heart is by giving them booze. Pregnant or not, poor Jenny a glass & you are sure to get in good with sister.  Small talk turns to “You know anything about being awesome like me & running a house like this?”  “Hmmm, not yet but I learn quick, don’t you worry.”

Ian reminds everyone  Quarter Day is tomorrow. Jenny is excited cuz she gets to take everyone’s monies. Ian just wants to celebrate his buddy coming home! Jenny also thinks this is a good time to rib on lil bro again, things just aren’t tense enough and she has 4 whole years of pent up big sister pissing contests to win. She throws down the Daddy’s grave card.  Jamie is still avoiding that splinter under the nail so…

elk

Jamie takes that one because Jenny lets him suit himself. AKA Get stuffed you wee shithead.

Quarter Day brings lots of happy faces. Mine especially. Jamie in leather. MMMMMMM. Nom Nom Nom.  It’s Brians leather BTW. Looks fine on him, fitting into Daddy’s jacket verra well.  People are bringing gifts for the Laird n Lady. First one…a bottle of booze. Claire is thinking to herself SCORE! I’m going to like it here JUST fine. These are my peeps!

yes

She gets all sorts of gifts, then one…one is SUPER special. The little vase with blue deco. The one she should have bought in episode one. It’s not exactly the same vase but a vase still the same, she had never owned one. Now she did, the look she gave Jamie was “You have no idea but I’m home.”

sigh

Quarter Day is going fine however Jamie seems to be giving away more money than he is bringing in, in the spirit of generosity to his tenants during hard times. Jenny ain’t happy ’bout it.

We get introduced to Rab & Rabbie McNabb. Poor wee bugger Rabbie, just wanted a crappy bannock.  His father started smacking him around in front of everyone. Claire isn’t really one to watch boney lil kids get batted around. She got in there and tried her best to diffuse the situation.  ME?   I would have seen just how far his balls could have gone into his stomach under the power of my Reeboks but…then again, I can be a trifle on the vigilant side when it comes to weak men. There aren’t many things that get my dander up. Morons that smack around kids & women for the sake of smacking them around. Yeah.

hold me back

Hold me back bro…

 Claire brings wee Rabbie in the house to be tended, bringing him straight to Jenny. Their relationship exists. If its strained most likely because Jenny has always been the one in charge of Jamie. The only woman to care for him since their mother died. Think about having to give him up to a wife. Yeah…ouch right?  I think Claire is aware of that so she is being delicate with it.

Jamie sees them with the boy & goes over to see what’s shaking, Jenny dismisses him. She has been in run of the house for a long time but truth is. The men are the ones who discipline the children, the women who are the one who tend & love them. Not his business. Truth. This is why he isn’t concerned when Jenny flits him away & he pretty much ignores Claire when she calls after him to do something there and then.

Next thing we hear is drunk music. This was thanks to the awesome Bear McCreary. Then we see Jamie…he done went and got Claire Drunk. I know right? There’s a switch. This whole scene was just awesomely written, brilliantly acted & just funny as hell. Claire’s eye rolling, Jamie’s ass smackin’ I’m the Laird of Lallywood & beat up people, yo ho ho & a bucket o rum was just plain funny.

DogLaughing

I did like the line “the difference between abuse & discipline”- a little token there for peeps. There plainly is a line that some choose not to see – in both directions.

opinions

Drunken convo about elephants, seeing them & riding them was priceless and as annoyed as Claire was with her annoying drunk of a husband, she also thought to herself, “Oh, I guess whats good for gander…”  One good heave and he is snoring happily.

The next morning, we hear hungover music. Nicely played Bear. See a green Jamie…..another nice change. Claire has a remedy that always works for her. MORE BOOZE!

Jenny flies into the room, not caring over much that Jamie’s head is as big as the broch, giving him hell for not taking the rents & not talking to her before putting the boots to Rabbie’s father, she happened to be taking care of that lil problem.  He looked abashed at this but she kept on going and hit the big button, the one she knew would get his goat. The DAD button. As lil brother he knew he just had to puff up and yell back he was boss and didn’t have to ask ANYONE for help! NUHUH not him! I caught a whiff right there that Jenny probably still saw him as her little brother, yes, always would but it was her father that was Laird. Jamie & Jenny were like peas n carrots. The Laird card just got played not the man card.

I'm the Laird, I'm the boss I make the decisions WHINE WHINE BLAH!
I’m the Laird, I’m the boss I make the decisions WHINE WHINE BLAH!

Jamie went & bit into a chunky bannock, I take it they aren’t supposed to be chunky.He called for Mrs. Croooooook, sounded a lot like hoooooor.  She was like “Ain’t my fault I have to grind the stupid flour…YOUR mill is broke”  So, he puffs up and figures HE is going to fix it. Every book reader is thinking WHOOOHOOOO MILL POND, WATER WHEEL SCENE!

Happy Dance EveryBODY!
Happy Dance EveryBODY!

Jamie & Claire head to the water wheel, sure enough, something is stuck! DARN. Jamie has to strip off his kilt & get into that water. This show can be torture sometimes you know. Making us endure this.

If you can't sense the sarcasm...you are broken deep inside
If you can’t sense the sarcasm…you are broken deep inside

By the way, I don’t have a penis…and I had shrinkage. That effin water looked COLD…AND I’m Canadian. I know COLD! Brrrrrrrrrr. Jamie exclaims CAC!  Which I was sure meant “Holy SHIT my balls fell off!” but Àdhamh Ó Broin said it was just “shit”…

Jenny comes running up & Claire admonishes her because of her condition. Saying she didn’t have to come but she says OH YEAH…I did- showing her who ELSE is coming. Red Coats. AGAIN!  Jenny, fast on her feet tells Claire to keep silent, they flare out their skirts to cover Jamie’s clothes. So for those who think Jenny is hardened & Claire can’t stand her… Yeah. All of that- right there.

These redcoats aren’t evil meanie pants though. They want to help fix the wheel. OF COURSE they do! ERGH! Jamie has gotten REAL good at holding his breath. It’s all his practice going down n doing morning alarm clock exercises. Everything happens for a reason I tell ya!

Jamie manages to fix the wheel & throws his shirt in it to make it look like THAT was what was stuck. The redcoats leave with a passing insult but no harm, no foul. Except maybe they take Jamie’s perfectly good shirt with them. Don’t offer to give it back or anything, just lay claim to it. Weenie move guys. Weenie move.

colin no

The girls rush to make sure Jamie is alright. Jenny’s concern of course comes out in something that sounds like big sister condemnation when Jamie is standing there all, glistening, neked & really really cold. Good lawd…that water looked glacier spring cold. Poor buggers. Jamie hardly heard WHAT she was saying only realizing she was there, keeping his own Wee Jamie covered – not so difficult as he has big hands & we have comprehended that water is super duper cold.  Let’s make this VERRA clear to you

effects of cold water
By now, you should be used to seeing these lil guys, and this one has a hat on…more tolerable?

Jamie spins around. He wants to get out of the water but he also doesn’t want his big sister to see him in all together…so he yells at her to turn around so he can get out before his cock snaps off. We all yell at Jenny to go because the last thing ANY of us want is for his cock to snap off! That…would be a catastrophe.

cant happen
some cocks…just can’t snap off…and be gone from us forever. This is one.

Many of us have a “SHUT UP” Button.  Jenny found hers when Jamie turned around.  His back, the scars…in that moment…the story of Jamie being flogged at Fort William was no longer just a story. It was Jenny’s little brother, being flogged at Fort William. Her story of that day & those 4 years apart, suddenly became HIS story & then theirs. You could see it clearly on her face in the few seconds before she spun around and ran away from it. Who would want to face that any longer than they had to.  Honestly? That kind of truth is like a kick in the face if you ask me.  I know you didn’t but if you haven’t figured out…I’m going to tell you *snort*

Jamie harps to Claire after Jenny takes off, wanting to know WHY she was there. If Jamie had lapels to grab n shake, pretty sure Claire would have right now. Plus its a good thing he had a hold of his own manhood because if it was within her grasp…she might of snapped it off herself. She sharply let him know Jenny came to warn him of the Redcoats because she gives two shits about him. With a swirl of her skirts…off she goes.

Claire is upstairs in Lallybroch, looking at the paintings – beautiful- when she & Always HoppyGuy Ian have a moment.  You know, he is perpetually Jenny’s balance, the happy balance…he & Claire seem to have such a connection in the show. One that didn’t really seem to jump off the pages for me in the book. Yes, he cared for her & him her but of course, you don’t get those stolen glances do you? The “Finally I have a brother in arms” against the world to be married to a Fraser as they battle it out in front of them. To read them…and to see them are very different creatures. I suppose if Steven Cree & Caitriona Balfe didn’t artfully present them – they would be lost on us as well. They get to know one another. He shows her part of Jenny she hasn’t seen, still strong, still worthy but soft. His. Hmmm, maybe the part Claire sees in herself a bit.

damn

Claire is also having a hard time dealing with the dynamics of helping Jamie find his niche. He believes he has a roll to fill. It’s a big one & in trying to do that, he is putting on airs that really don’t suit him. This is something so many people are guilty of that the expression was created for those very people. People do this not because they always BELIEVE it themselves they are better…but they think OTHERS think they SHOULD be better.  I will go back to Quarter Day – Jamie wearing his father’s coat, Jamie calling out to his tenants that LIKE his father he would be lenient.

See...more than just a pretty face folks
See…more than just a pretty face folks

AlwaysHoppy Ian let’s Claire know, the best way to deal with a Fraser is a good swift kick in the arse. Claire asks…if that doesn’t work…Kick harder he says.  He oughta know, can’t be easy to kick w one leg. Better take his advice. Claire makes up her mind.

Jamie, sound a sleep in bed. Looks angelic. Until Claire grabs his sheets and unceremoniously dumps his ass on the floor. She lets him know – it’s the Lady of the houses turn to talk. He best be shuttin his wine gob. She tells him he’s Jamie Fraser FIRST…Laird of Lallybroch SECOND and NOT his father but his own person…in so many words.  Even though Sam Heughan is a great actor, Jamie Fraser SUCKS at it.

We have a few shots from Tourism Scotland again. Have you booked your tickets yet?

Then…we are in the grave yard.  Jenny arriving to meet with Jamie who is standing facing  his father’s gravestone…for the first time. Jenny scares the beejeezus out of him. He is surrounded by dead people after all.

Oh you guys really OTTER make up
Oh you guys really OTTER make up

You just want them to kiss n make up but you know- this is going to be more than that.

And it is.

Jamie asks to speak first.  Claire got to him.  He gives Jenny the money for the rents, tries to make amends for the Rabbie situation & Jenny agrees that their father would have agreed with Jamie that the boy would be better off at Lallybroch.  Still Jamie knows, Jenny had the running of the estate for 4 yrs., he should have spoken with her, and he says so…apologizing.

This hits her but where it hits her starts us on a path that leads to Jenny stealing this scene.

I'll just take that scene....Thank you very much Sam
Laura – I’ll just take that scene….Thank you very much Sam

Jenny, after seeing Jamie’s back, realized the fury of the flogging Jamie had taken at the hands of Randall.  All of the years, part of her blamed her brother for their father’s death. Thinking he must of shot his big mouth off to get himself in trouble. That was after all his M.O. while they were growing up.  Those scars though, those were more than that…she turned it back on her own actions. Laughing in the face of the attempted rape.

Jamie pulls her to him. “Cry not”, he says. She needs to. He needs to comfort her. This is their moment to comfort one another. To heal one another. To share a moment of blame…both of them angered Randall. Both of them blame themselves for their father’s death and both of them can pass that fury onto one man. Captain Creepy deserves their wrath. Together.

Jamie tells Jenny he would have gladly died to save her & here we see Jenny’s iron backbone solidify once again & deliver a line from the books that has always resonated.  “If your life is a suitable exchange for my honour, why is my honour not a suitable exchange for your life?”

nananana
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA

She does love him as much as he loves her. THAT’S why they can get so angry, become so offended & know EXACTLY what to say to turn the knife so deep.

“Welcome home, Laird Broch Turach” Jenny says. Then all is right in the world. They accept their new roles in their lives, they finally lay their father to rest. Jamie kisses his sister & they go home to start their new life. Side by side.

SUUUUUUURE they do!

Man I love these people like family.

It happens every time. I guess I am easy
It happens every time. I guess I am easy

Claire is sitting at the window, starting out at the broch. “What the hell is up with this north facing tower thing?” she asks…”The thing is round, thats stupid.”  “Don’t be silly Claire, the door is on the north…DERP!”  *eyeroll* She says “Fraser’s” like one would say “Dumbasses” which…I got a huge chuckle out of.

Get comfy, but only for a couple moments. Claire feels like she belongs. Jamie reminds her, his arms are her home. Telling her why he married her. That he wanted her more than anything else in his life. Talking about her round arse and rock solid head…such a charmer. Then…the love…he tells her he loved her the first time she let him comfort her at Leoch. Also how he loves her more each day than the day before…yeah…She loves him…of course she loves him. Let’s have sex.

Ummm…them…they have sex. We don’t see it this time but we all have good imaginations & have seen it plenty of times we can replay it.

Naturally, we know, this is Outlander. They are NOT going to let us end on a happy note. No. That won’t happen.

We can't be that lucky
We can’t be that lucky

Sure enough, Claire wakes up & she looks drowsily blissful. You know somethings going down, and it aint gonna be Jamie this time.  He isn’t in bed with her.  Up she gets, dressed and out of the room…first thing she hears is harsh voices & the click of a pistol.

Looking down into the sitting room…Claire sees Jamie surrounded by 3 men of the Watch, pistols pointed at his head.  Told she will have scrub floor first thing in the morning if he doesn’t behave himself…and we know how well behaved Jamie is.

Dangit. Claire…never get comfortable sister.

SL-AB-Ootiest of ABootlanders

FYI—Just a heads up folks…next wks blog burst will be late – I am going on all expenses paid vacay to Cancun w the hasbeen for our 23rd wedding anniversary…the company I am with is kind enough to run an incentive trip that happens to fall during this time…booya! So take care of you…keep OutlanderCAN warm for me. Our Twitter LiveFeed will still be a go.  My fellow admin & buddy tlmfarmgirl will be impersonating me & taking over the @ABOotlanders twitter feed for the hour

The Devil’s, Mark? I thought his name was Stan!

You learn something new with every episode – that is why I LOVE THIS SHOW! Not only is it entertaining…it’s educational. Edutainment folks. We have a lot of stuff to go over- we better get started.

I feel an Ed Grimley moment comin on. MartinShort

Yes…I must say. The way the first part of the season played out, slow n steady, character building, stories being created & relationships developed has allowed the second part of the season to move at break neck speed! SO MUCH HAPPENS in each & every episode. They seem to manage to put so much into one hour – yet it’s funny there will still be people who say “I wish they would have left in xx & xxx”  “They could have taken out this line & added the line I liked.” Oh? Really…Ron D. Moore didn’t call every single person who read the book….ummmm 25 million peeps to see their favourite lines uttered by their book boyfriend? Oh…wait…EVERY LINE EVER UTTERED BY SAID DUDE!

Yes, I wish everyone could move on. Then I remembered. These wishes won’t come true. For either of us. Know why? No candles to blow out & I didn’t see a shooting star! Effin technicalities.

picard-that-is-enoug-QoIU

I mean for reals my peeps. Every thing Jamie ever said in the books we would love to hear Sam Heughan wrap his tongue around but.. stop being so selfish. SHEESH!  The show is ONE hour long. Well…in Canada it is an hour and a half but we need to have pee breaks, pour a drink breaks, blow your nose & wipe your tear breaks. (I am trying to be nice & say we have commercials).

There is A SHIT LOAD of dialogue in Diana’s books and if you are so intent on hearing it. Get comfy somewhere…Davina Porter will read it to YOU! Or…read it as many times as your heart desires. Your imagination is afterall- like…the best. We have proven that…repeatedly…after each and every episode. Right? Huh? Huh? *Big Smiles*

sarcasm

Sometimes you have to announce it

Let’s let the TV show live it’s life, it’s big beautiful awesome life.

It would be a rainbow, unicorn & lollipop world if the nay saying pick the scab “I’m entitled to throw my opinion all over the interwebs” and tag the writers/producers in it if I want – would consider this little piece of decency.  Imagine, someone walking into your place of work & criticizing what you do – especially when they have zero idea of what actually goes into it. I wonder how they would feel?  And no, simply because people choose to work in the public eye does not give others the right to belittle them. That’s a cop out to being an asshole & sorry…it’s still wrong. It’s just mean.  If you wouldn’t do it to your neighbour – you shouldn’t do it to someone you think of as famous because well – just because they are – doesn’t make them less HUMAN.

Ummmm yeah, if we are the type that would walk into their place of work & beak off or go off on our neighbours — might I suggest— we take a second look at our manners? Perhaps, just maybe it’s time for the relization that we might be a dick? Maybe…kinda.

Digression isn’t my middle name but I sure as hell do it a lot.  I don’t even have a middle name maybe I should adopt it.

DEVILS

The opening scene with the murm..mu…flock of birds was gorgeous wasn’t it? I love how they implemented that in the story.

We did NOT get the same wake up call in this episode that we did the last one, dirty & abrupt yes…just not the same dirty & abrupt.

Can you believe we made it all the way to 11 episodes without seeing RATS? I don’t mean Black Rat Randall n the Duke of Ratingham…I mean actual rodents. They are the one creature in the Universe, that make me shudder, shake & gag on site. It’s a phobia or something. No, not or something. It’s a phobia. Which is CRAZY considering one of my favourite things in  the world is Mickey Mouse- a 5 ft rodent. I am a special kinda special!

Those wardens sure are a sweet couple of lunk heads eh? Didn’t you just wanna find a hole to throw THEM into? They for some reason found it necessary to dig up a latter to get the girls OUT of the hole…but…they just chucked their asses in willy nilly. Maybe hoping they would land on their bumrolls for cushion.  From the sounds & looks of things, that did NOT happen.  Geilwitch seemed to have fell straight onto her bitch button because she went into straight into “Blame Claire” mode. I bet she fell on her tailbone…that’s my bitch button too…That effin hurts like a Black Jack.

spongebob-butthurt

The girl’s get into a fight. “You told my secrets!” “What secrets!?’ The whole effin town knew! You were dancing neked in public you looniebird!” “You think I’m a WITCH?” “Nope but you sure as heck know your way around the killin fields don’t ya!?” “Oh…yeah…that…got me there.Wanna feel my crazy baby kick?”

Claire has to give Geilwitch a bit of a shake down. She still thinks Dougal is her knight and shining tartan. Yeah…not so much eh? He kinda bailed on her bumroll & all of a sudden it dawns on her. She is up shit creek without a paddle. This is where I throw in thislotte

Where Caitriona’s face is expressive. Glass. Like Diana wrote it. Lotte has brought something to the role of Geillis Duncan.  Diana wrote about her green piercing eyes…uh-huh. But…Lotte…expresses with her eyes.  They are haunting. She is bewitching. I heart her. I have been with my husband 29 yrs…married 23 – I am straight. This show is giving me serious girl crush moments. Especially when she plays on twitter with me. It’s only encouragement ya know.

LOTTEV

Once Geillis gets it. Dougal’s gone, Jamie too…they are HOOPED! She tries to make up  by offering Claire the big hunk of rat poop bread. As appealing as that is, Claire just ain’t hungry. Geillis then offers Claire the comfy side of the stone to sleep, yeah…Claire’s still chafed. That ain’t happening either. For now. It’s still

freinds OFF

The warden come and haul their asses out of the thieves hole in the morning, this time with ladders. Wouldn’t those have been a swell idea when they tossed them down there like dirty laundry down a chute?

Remember “buddy ropes” when you were little? Me too. The things they attached Claire & Geillybean to…not the same thing.

buddy rope

Building a pyre in town square before the trial even starts. I can see how people intend for this to go. Sort of guilty until proven guilty. Good job folks! Loved Geillybeans maypole comment. Everyone is a smartass when they are getting ready to be put on a spit. Why not? Not like they have anything to loose right?

There we have it. A trial. We had Mutt & Jeff as teamsters, they reminded me & hundreds of others I am sure of Statler & Waldorf from the Muppets.

judges

Ned Gowan came bursting in, brandishing common sense, intelligence &  honest to goodness law (he also had his pistol, but saves that for last, like a good lawyer should) – but this here was a church & the law had no place there. We also had a mob. Mob mentality is at its best here.  Mental they were! The energy in that courtroom was palatable – can’t say that it tasted like something I would order again but they did one helluva job!

It was like Jerry Springer meets Judge Judy meets Degrassi  Jr. High. The DRAMA! Oh Em Gee! The backstabbing housemaid. For real guuuuurl! Conive much? Twist a tale much? Pretzel Ginnie…that’s what I am gonna call ya. I wouldn’t like dumpin out ole Arthur’s crap pot either but Geillybean took care of that for you didn’t she?  Shouldn’t you be grateful? I suppose you got your minute of fame though eh?!  I guess this was her moment – Cranesmuir’s Got Talent!

cranesmuir

Ned strikes a lawyer pose and BOOYAH! Down goes Ginnie the housemaid. Turns out she was spreading gossip all the way to the castle.

She gets THREE X’s

X       X       X

X                                X                              X

They are way cuter than the judges on any of those shows, so I will use them!

The next witness in the trial is the poor superstitious woman and her  man who left their sick baby in a tree to die. You know the one, the one Claire tried to save. Her eyes – her fingers…she is stunning. To me…she is what Golum would look like if he was a beautiful woman. I know that sounds like a backhanded insult…but it isn’t. creepy lady

She takes a swing at Claire & Claire gets a wee bit pissy about this! Ned has to tell her to shut her bannock hole! He can take care of this. He does another flip…her baby didn’t die…it’s running free with the faeries remember? It was the changling babe that died in this woman’s arms. You can’t really be mad at her for that? You have to take the blame for not stopping her – if you had…the fearies could have made the switch. Poor ignorant peasant. #sigh You gotta feel for folks like this. Ignorance is a tough nut to crack.

The next up to talk to the court of pointing fingers & screamin mimis is Alistair. His friends call him “AllheSTAREs”. It’s his fun shroom issue.  He sits on the “faery” hill picking the longed stemmed poop tasting ‘fungus that make mistress Duncan fly like the ravens”. He sure is a bullshitter. Wish Ned could say something about him just getting out of rehab or something. shrooms

Don’t you just wish Ned could throw something like “This douche was just on Celebrity Rehab & gave Mickey Rourke a run for his money!” but no…that’s not an option. Instead, it’s late, everyone needs a break & it’s time for the ladies to get tossed back in the hole. Not before Ned rescues Claire again. He knows our girl & he brings her what she loves best, well second best…a flask of whisky! Good man.  Not before she asks hopefully if Colum sent him…yeah…no! TwistyLegs McTwisterson, in fact, looks like had a bit to do with the whole strammach. Claire looks sick but she has some booze. That’s good news.

There is no better time for girl bonding & make up chatter than when you are stuck in a hole. Granted, its a big hole – big enough for 2 women & a crew *snort*  Plus after being stuck shoulder to shoulder all day, listening to people throw insults at you both & lies. You tend to stand back to back to protect your fronts. The walls come down – then it is friends ON again.bff2

I even heard rattles about them “allowing” Geillybean to drink in the episode – though she was pregnant. Uh-huh. Ok. Super  awesome. A historical 18th century woman now has to be the moral and ethical compass for us in this century. These kinda picky pants remarks are the type of things that will suck the life out of  their enjoying the show. It’s not about the inclusion of these accuracies in the show that will. Personally, they make me giggle uncontrollably because they are down right silly. Like the string.

sticking-tongues-14

The girls have a sleepover night. You know, talkin about fraud, stealing, boys, politics n stuff. Through it all- Claire throws in a wee quote from Nathan Hale “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country” – he was in the Continental Army and spoke those words in 1776-before he was hanged. There we go with Lotte & her eye’s again! I saw it…I know you saw it!

This is where a certain garment starts to unravel for us.

T'is the sweater of realization. Stitch by stitch - it comes a part. Just watch.

T’is the sweater of realization. Stitch by stitch – it comes a part. Just watch.

The next morning- the empty flask by her head- Claire wakes and shakes the gate over her head like this is the first time she tries to get out. Come on Claire. Don’t tell me this is the first time. Then again, I would be shaking that damn thing at every opportunity too.

We have a soft moment returning to the opening scene when Claire spots a starling. Remember the start of the show? Just a single one of those. She told the story of this black bird who flew in flocks for protection against falcons. Murmuration – They shared a quiet moment before being hauled from their dank dark pit of patheticness and back into the court of contention. The moment before crawling out this time…gave me a lump in my throat – Claire reaching out for Geillybeans bump & her grabbing her hands to kiss them. The lump was vomit…can you imagine how NARSTY her hands were? Nope…wouldn’t be able to handle the 18th century.

Emotional Wall Erected. Don't come through!

Emotional Wall Erected.
Don’t come through!

Back in the “court”…yup using this term loosely! Speaking of loosely – the first witness of the day….Laoghaire “LooseLips” McKenzie! This girl.  What a girl. The hate & venom being aimed towards this child is extraordinary. To me that means Nell Hudson is the cats ass. That’s a good thing for those people who don’t know.

She sure has some emotional challenges eh? Believes every damn thing that comes out of her mouth. I am convinced this 16 yr old young woman- was emotionally engaged to Jamie Fraser.  She is a product of her environment. She sees Claire as an evil woman that has stolen her future. Is it right? Nope! Is what she does with the information right? Nope! But she is an immature child and acting like one. They have written her brilliantly & Nell Hudson couldn’t do a better job at portraying her.

giphyangelica-gif

He’s MY Jamie! Give ‘im BACK!

She has no compass of life experience to draw from & she also lives in a world of superstition. She is 16.  Most 16 yr olds live in a world of ALL ABOUT ME. I get Laoghaire.  I wanted MY Claire to throat punch her instead of slap her but I get her. I might be 43, but I remember being 16. Which is SUPER weird, because I can’t remember what I did yesterday. Stupid complicated brain.

Ned calls out LooseyGooseyLaoghaire for being a jealous broken hearted lass. She admits it. Love of her life *tears* Awwwwwwwwwwww and down goes the house.

crowd so

That performance deserves a STANDING OVATION! BRAVA! BRAVA !                                              The Cranessheepians give her one too.

Claire loses her shit & calls her out on everything. Turns out Jamie told her about the wee incident down by the river too. See…all of the folks yakking about Jamie cheating for touching the upper curve of LooseyGooseyLaoghaire’s boob as she put her hand right on it – he told Claire all about it. Does that change anyone’s mind? Yeah, didn’t think so. When you are right…you’re right.

crazy

Father Bain…ewwww…ewwww…and EWWWW some more! This guy just makes you feel like you have the willies like ALL the time. Creepy crawlies rash inducing badness. This dude embodies it!. While he walked into make his speech, the way he was talking about Claire, it was like…Ummmm…anyone else get the feeling that he wants to bone her?

dundun

DUN DUN DUN DUN

It made me uncomfortable too. Totally have no urge to see what’s under THAT robe. He’s making up for something. Men like that – need tweezers to masterbate. You just know it. ( The character. The actor probably has a perfectly normal penis. I’m just being reactive to his stellar acting.) Father Bain needs to burn!

Then the Freakshow Bainbasket went on to do what he does best. Manipulate his sheeple. Playing possum for them. After giving them the spiel of how hot she makes him he then falls to his knees shouting “I’m not worthy!” knowing full well his sheeple won’t take this well – that they will jump to protect he. He has trained them well.

sheeple copy

The smirk. Really? You suck!

They were just about to call down the fires of hell when BOOM Ned was like LUNCH! We NEED LUNCH! I need a SANDWICH & a DIET COKE! 

He get’s the defendants alone with him for a few moments & tells him the whole thing has gone to pot & not the good kind he uses for his asthma.

It time to do something drastic. Drastic means it is time to throw someone under the carriage. They didn’t have busses then so – yeah.  If Claire says she is an ignorant Sassenach & Geillybean pulled into her masterful witchyweb then she can live while Geillybean…well….doesn’t.

He leaves so the girls can hash this shit out. Girl style.

Ok, They didn't Girl Fight. But I LOVE this GIF and it breaks up the feels.

Ok, They didn’t Girl Fight. But I LOVE this GIF and it breaks up the feels.

G loses her last nerve for a minute and wants to be sure she is going to die for good damn reason! Where you from!? Stop lying! Why you here?! Tell me! Shit! You came by ACCIDENT? WHO DOES THAT? UGH!

Then…Best LINE ever! “Look’s like I’m going to a fucking bar-b-que!” BAHAHAHA! Nice!  There we see a bit more unraveling happening on Claire’s face but the peeps screaming they want to burn her on the other side of the door kind of shakes her out of it.

I am going to get an apron made for my hubby. He is the chef…and I don’t go near our Bar-B-Que – I’ll blow my damn self up. I know it.

apron3454pop

Ned thinks Claire is going to grovel for her life when they come back. Geillybean thinks so too…she is avoiding eye contact, most people think it is because she is pissed off. I think it is because she is trying to disconnect herself from Claire to make the story easy for people to believe. She is shocked when Claire goes into BFF mode for her & refused to leave her to burn alone. Connection is one thing but this. CRAZY!

you-crazy

They condemn them both to BURN. They crazy gets turned up to 10! Ned does what Ned seems to do when shit goes down…he grabs his pistol. He waves it around like his wrist is made of wet noodles.

This buys the girls some time – enough time for Geillybean to share that she thinks its possible & 1968 with Claire. Unravel..Unravel.

Ned’s pistol goes off…the metal one, in his hand, that the mob is trying to wrestle away from him. ( I feel a need to explain cuz people think I am a perv for some reason.  Possibly because I am.)

The shot brings everyone back to the bedlam of the room. Ned getting carried to the ground. Claire screams at everyone if they burn them, that makes them murders which means THEY will ALL burn in hell. OOPS! Guess what THAT sounds like to them? A HEX! This means…she needs to be punished there and then. Real nice bunch of thugs they are, they order her stripped n skelped.

All through this episode- this is what was going through Claire’s poor head.

whatisthisfuckery

Laoghaire has to get a last crooked twist in. Seriously girlfriend, you could hide behind a spiral staircase. Dance on her ashes could you? Classy, child…classy.

bitch

Watching Claire’s dress get ripped open in preparation for getting whipped was…NOT COOL. I got such a pit in my gut watching that scene. Sometimes you wish Caitriona wasn’t such a good actress & would just hang there and yell “Hey, owwww that hurts…stop…ouch…stop now.”  Because watching her…like we were… taking that whipping was TOO realistic.  The energy from the crowd, the anger on their faces, the panic, hurt & pain in her face. The agony on Geillis’ face too. It was all TOO MUCH.

drowning

I will continue to use this until I stop needing to.

Then he heard me! I was yelling at my TV. “JAMIE! Where the HELL are YOU!  Hurry UP FFS!” Then POOF! There he WAS! Took him long enough…he could have shown up 5 minutes earlier…but we will take him when we get him!

This is a man right here…going all scottish ninja on their asses – straight through the isle knocking sheeples out of his way like bowling pins! Drawing both dirk & sword. Then Statler stands & tells Jamie he has no right to touch Claire & to stand down or something I don’t know what he said really even when I play it over & over, all I can see & hear is Jamie… ole Statler sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown to me “WAH WAH WAH WAH”.  Jamie tells him to get bent. He promised on an alter before God he would protect this woman and there aint NOTHING they can do or say that will stop him from doing that. He will drop the first stupid numpty who takes a step near him…it looks like they believe him too.

calm your tits

Jamie is ANTI-sheeple. THAT my friends…is A MAN FOR the people. *sigh*  Followed by a THUD

This is when Geillybean takes the opportunity to do something selfless for Claire.  Just as Claire did for her. I swear – girls really should stand up for one another more but getting themselves whipped n burned might be taking this whole sisterhood thing a tad far.

G-girl puts on her shoulder pads of awesomeness. Throws ’em back and screams at the crowd that Claire ain’t no witch but SHE sure as hell is…AND she has proof! BOOYA! Lookit you ignoramuses- this is the mark of the devil himself!  The look of anguish on Claire’s face  – Jamie looking between G- & Claire & the town people…it was as if willing them out of the door. There goes the whole damn sweater…we are left with a length of yarn. Done.

This scene gives me goose nipples! Yes. Goose nipples! We don’t get goose bumps in Canada…we get Canadian goose nipples. AKA Nippilitis. Terrible thing.

The dialogue delivered by Geillis was remarkable, the tearing of her dress to show her devils babe, the response from crowd was viscerale & then the scream. Seriously the scream as she was doing the crowd surfing…SERIOUSLY!?  That was as kick ass as they come.

You can't help but cheer for a performance like this!

You can’t help but cheer for a performance like this!

It’s Jamie’s turn to tend to Claire’s wounds this time. He is being tender with her & it’s just heartbreaking to watch. He asks her if she is a witch, he needs to know. Geilwitch referred to that mark on her arm as one of the devils and he has seen the same on Claire.  It didn’t seem as it would change how he felt about her but for their safety, he needed an answer. BOY did he get those answers! All of them. She told him everything. That she was from the future, how she got there, when she tried to get back & all about the things she knew. She thought for sure he would think she was a loon – but he believed her. He loved her and trusted her. If anything he was angry with himself for beating her when she tried to get back & that moment was a touching one. Touch me. Go ahead. I dare ya…

Ooops, sorry, I started to drift off

Ooops, sorry, I started to imagine…Nevermind…

You could even see in his eyes when he made a plan, while holding her… Then saying it would have been easier if she had only been a witch. Which.Was.An.Epic.Line. Delivery.  Just Saying. Really slow apparently. So you know how serious I am.

Then he wouldn’t have to do – what he was going to.

Yeah...me either.

Yeah…me either.

Then the man does it again.  I mean this girl is getting SPOILED. He finds the best ways to wake her up, like EVER!He has become the world’s best alarm clock.

I have to find these setting on my phone.

phone-alarm

#JAMMFdigital #JAMMForal – Dammit! All I have is vibrate. Not that that sucks in the all together. Oh well. Time to train the hubs. Shouldn’t be a problem. *snort*

Now…back to the sex scene that people said was dumped in for the sake of a sex scene. First if that was the case. We would have actually seen some full on SEX. We didn’t. We did however see a woman get gratified in a very sensual and intimate way. Jamie wanted to watch her. He wanted to remember her face, memorize how she looked while he loved her & how she felt as he held her in the palm of his hand. Now…for those who think he didn’t get any satisfaction from that? Ummmm…plenty of men get a great deal of satisfaction from watching the women they love have an orgasm especially when THEY are the reason they are experiencing it.  *GASP* Don’t think he didn’t get anything out of the deal.

OH…and remember when Claire said “we rode hard for several days”. Yeah…he might be a little sore from that experience.

double on tundra

Plus as one of the AB-Ootlander hubby’s (@tlmfarmgirl’s man) realized while watching the show w his teenage sons. This became a teachable moment. 3rd Base – And that is how it’s done!

The next day, he asks her if she is ready to go home…YES…she says but she thinks he is talking about Lallybroch NOT the stones.  It’s like he tricked her. She looks gobsmacked when she sees them. He looks gut wrenched. I admire the ability of ALL the actors on this show. Whether it be their eyes, their chins, their cheek bones, their lips or brows. They use their faces with such a great deal grace to act. It’s remarkable.

I, for one, love the way they played this. Jamie believed her heart & soul. No slapping the stones, ramming into them, no wanting her to go near them while he was there. Telling her to go & saying goodbye. Telling her there was nothing there for her save danger. In the book, it was needed, in the TV show. We need his undying belief. IN THE NOW.

But nothing being here for her…AHEM…THAT’S where you are WRONG buddy…World’s BEST ALARM CLOCK EVER! That’s SO something.

I have read the book obsessively and AGAIN I was yelling at my TV.  I KNOW what happens, still,  YELLING at my TV.  I am pretty sure I am going to need some pretty extensive therapy by time we go into the season finale. Who the hell at Sony Canada do I send this bill to? Buddy? You?

Turning into a pillow hugging therapy needin crayon eatin ...yeah...her

Turning into a pillow hugging therapy needin crayon eatin …yeah…her

Claire just sits in the circle of stones. No voice over. Just her and those big ole stones. We get a shot of Claire. Tears. Maybe sobs. Hers…mine….ours. UGH. Then she stands. A quick pan to the stones & the horrid noise that goes with them. BLACKNESS!

Ryan-Gosling-Oh-No-You-Didnt-Half-Nelson

Oh…No…They didn’t. PHEW!

I spy a campfire. I spy a worn face with tear tracks on it…awwwwwwwwwwwww!

ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER! Throw back to episode 1. Can you all crush my heart anymore? Oh wait. Yeah. You can. Take me home to Lallybroch – causes another tear to follow the track the other one left on Jamie’s cheek and he makes the sad but happy cry face.

DONE! Stick a fricken FORK IN ME! I. AM. DONE!

This Boston Pizza is beyond cooked...its burnt. Can't go on. Take me OUT!

This Boston Pizza is beyond cooked…its burnt. Can’t go on. Take me OUT!

Until next time anyway.

Don’t forget we live tweet with Showcase – the Canadian Network! Sunday nights. 8 pm MST #OutlanderCAN

SL -The ABOotiest of the ABOotlanders

* We also have all of the previous first season reboots as well as some special addition fun stuff. Check it out for some giggles.