Are we the villain in someone’s story? A self-examination after ‘Between Two Fires’ S05E02

Between Two Fires, has brought us a very different look than the first of the season. Basically, shit is getting real.  Once the final scene cut to black I said out loud “What? That was an hour?”  You know by now, I don’t do recaps but I do take something I noticed in the episode and dissect it.

Speaking of dissection – yes, I will be talking about Claire and her being elbows deep in Mr. F but I really think we need to start with Murtagh.

There were a lot of people talking about how they hated seeing Murtagh involved in the tar and feathering of political figures in Hillsborough. I was one, then I thought about it. Murtagh is the same man he always was. He decapitated Sandringham, ffs (we cheered), he cracked the skulls of MANY (also, cue us, cheering) and he has killed all manner of men.  We as viewers always saw the other people as the ‘bad guy’.  The villains.  We justified Murtagh’s actions and that was the difference.

This time, we didn’t know these men being tortured. The townspeople and the Regulators did. They know them as the political figureheads that took away their homes and overtaxed them. They are the elitists that live in luxury while they struggle to feed their families.  We sat back horrified that these men were maimed. The reason being, we had empathy for them. Whereas the Regulators, with Murtagh at the lead, were exacting revenge for themselves and those families. To them, completely justifiable.

This can open our eyes to our own worlds. How many times have we gotten into situations where people have thought of us as the ‘bad guy’ when we were only doing what we thought was right and/or the best for our family? We weren’t doing it against anyone but we were doing it for ourselves.  Some have a very hard time separating themselves from other people’s lives and understanding other’s decisions aren’t about them.

Jamie, for instance. The Regulator’s that were imprisoned, he freed them, they still questioned his motives.  They did so because they couldn’t wrap their brains around the fact he let them go because of his own conscience. His need to do something for what in his heart he knew was right.  Ultimately, he doesn’t care what these men think of him. What he thinks of himself is his paramount concern. He is mindful that he is a villain to these men. His willingness to be seen as less than, in their eyes, is what he is ready to do. For Jamie, the end justifies the means. I believe that particular phrase will play very heavily in Jamie’s story this season.

It has been my experience, “There are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle, lays the truth.”  This isn’t because everyone is a liar, it is because people naturally put their lens on and tell their story through it. It is what makes us…us. The story is our truth.

It does give me a chuckle when it is said, “They only told you their side of things”  Well, of course, they did, whose side are they going tell?  There will be instances in everyone’s life where relationships were ended because of horrible circumstances where someone was CLEARLY at fault. The interesting bit, I assure you, is both sides will claim the other to be the bad guy and the clincher will be convincing arguments from both sides. Will one be very skewed?  Unquestionably.

When we think of these instances, we would like to think we would be unbiased when it comes to seeing who is culpable.  Being completely truthful, we often side with the person we care about the most. This will be the one we feel the most empathy for. No matter what the argument is, the story they tell, how convincing the tale told, we will choose to trust the person we want to, not always the person that is right. That is one of those horse-pills to swallow.

A very small moment in ‘Between Two Fires’ gave us a situation in which we can see this clearly.

A man, with his family, taking a break from travelling and stretching their legs. On the road comes a huge group of mostly red-coated soldiers. Not a word is exchanged but the soldier near the head of the pack throws coins at a child’s feet. Insulted by this action, the man spat in the direction of the soldier.

From the man’s perspective. This soldier does not know him or his family’s circumstances,  the assumption he needs or wants the soldier’s coin is insulting. To throw it at his child’s feet takes it a step further to be degrading. This is why the man spits in his direction. It tells the soldier what he thinks of his ‘charity’.

  • Others in this man’s shoes (even Jamie) would feel this insult and understand why this man would be upset by Lt. Knox’s actions. Some may even say they would have done worse than spit at him.  We know the bravado society puts after the fact.

From Lt. Knox’s perspective, a poor helpless family is needing assistance so he tossed them some coin he had on hand. It obviously wasn’t enough for them and the father spat at him. It was ungracious and disrespectful.  His obvious generosity was a caring act to be commended, the man and his family should have thanked him for this good deed.

  • The soldier’s and elitists in Lt. Knox’s company would see the situation exactly as he does. The reason? a) the soldiers because going against what their commanding officer says can pose a problem, so follow and agree. b) seeing themselves doing the same thing Knox has done, would feel exactly the same privilege.

The truth…

Lt. Knox is as thick as a brick so he is offended that this man couldn’t see his generosity. He was literally so high on his horse, he missed the fact this family was asking for nothing. He saw himself as superior to them and he chose to give them money.  Not just ‘give’ it to them but throw it at their feet. This was not an act of kindness but more an act of power.  Expecting thanks and accolades for such a deed is pure arrogance.

There are small instances such as theses in our everyday. Telling someone to smile, not saying excuse me when we bump into somebody, moralizing and proclaiming to others “I don’t see colour”. Sure, using the word “villain” does seem extreme, however, things like those mentioned can really mess up ours, or someone else’s day. The examples were more along the lines of being the type of person that makes others feel better when we aren’t around. Micro-villains, I prefer that.

My mother used to say “If it quacks…it’s a DUCK!” She didn’t waste her didn’t time with “if it walks like a …” stuff.  We know on Outlander, the whole “People show you who they are,” adage can be tricky.

Take Claire, she is working very hard to bring her knowledge of modern medicine into the past. Whipping up concoctions of this weird sounding ‘peniwhosiwhatsit’ that is supposed to cure all sorts of sickness. (I know what it is, I’m pretending to be from the 1700s and hearing the word…work with me)  You can imagine what prying ears might hear. Or, lawd-have-mercy, what they might see. Like the body of a man that apparently was buried, now with his chest cracked open and his giblets laying all over the place.

Claire’s acutely aware that what she is doing would be seen as sacrilegious, macabre and downright inconceivable. Which means, Claire, our heroine, the matriarch of Outlander if standing in the middle of her community being 100% herself would be 100% a villain in the eyes of those around her.  Given the people, the times, their education and knowledge of things that are – their perception would be altogether accurate.

Mrs. Bug thinks the woman is mad, hoarding all this bread to make some magic medicine! Imagine if she saw this poor chopped up man in Claire’s surgery.  What we have to admit, unless you truly love Claire, understand what she does, how legitimately intelligent and medically knowledgable she is, the things she does in the world she lives in would never be perceived as anything BUT evil.

Hard to wrap your mind around it isn’t it? Thinking of Claire as a villain.  While you are giving a go at those mental gymnastics, I want you to think of this – Stephen Bonnet as the hero.

WHAT THE ACTUAL F??? Yeah, me…I said that. I know…I know.  We all know how deplorable the man is and of course, he is a villain. The worst kind. THE villain.

The truth of the matter is, Bonnet doesn’t think so.  Get what I am saying?  Most people who we see as villains have no problem at all seeing themselves as heroes. They have zero qualms with excusing their behaviour as justified and often blame others for forcing their hand.

This describes Bonnet. Seeing him in Between Two Fires sent shivers down my spine. Yup, he has still got IT. That thing that makes your skin want to crawl off of your bones and run away from home. Every nasty thing that SunnuvaBonnet does, he justifies.

Rationalizing behaviour like this gives us permission to a) repeat it b) excuse it.  My point is, frequently those who so many of us see as the villain – will never see it themselves.  That is why they exist in the first place.  Those that have a measure of empathy and compassion – have the capacity to change.

As I sat with my own thoughts on this whole villain concept, I’m conscious of being the villain in other people’s stories. For some, I have made peace with that. It isn’t possible to alter their perceptions of me and for another, I don’t want that responsibility. I would rather be the perceived villain in our story than open the door to the chaos that created the situation.  For others, it makes me sad and embarrassed that I know I could have behaved in a different way. As a consequence, the story may have had a happier ending.

How many times have we justified our actions? Whether they were out of anger, self-preservation or ego?  I don’t know about you but my honest self says more times than I like to admit. Justifying something doesn’t mean we were right to do it, it only means we excused our actions at the time and painted ourselves on the “right” side.

The most interesting things cause us to sit back and look at the world, others and our own actions. This week it was this nugget of how we are seen through other’s eyes.  We can say we don’t care, some don’t. Some, care too much. Maybe if we were all just a little more aware, it would make us a little kinder to one another.

Boy, I hope I find something FUN to talk about in next week’s episode.  I am sure you do too.

Sher XO

PS – Don’t forget to join us as we livetweet to the W Network airing in Canada at 7 pm MST, using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

Silence can be so loud. What I ‘heard’ during The Fiery Cross. S05E01.

Wow.

That was worth the wait, wasn’t it?  Wedding, weeping and wtf’s. Outlander is back and it means business.

Even though many watched the opening scene over and over again in previews, it took on new meaning once we viewed the final moments of the show. (Yet another reason we fans should reserve judgement until we see all the things in context.)

We can appreciate the deeper meaning when the episode is complete. In the opening we see Murtagh, (beautifully played by Duncan Lacroix) upon his knee, giving his oath, taking the weight of the world from this young boy.jamiemurtagh

 

The episode ending with that boy, now a man, on his own knee, with the weight of the world back upon him.

jamiemurtaghjamie

Young Jamie said nothing to Murtagh as a child, yet, we knew the gratitude and the love he felt for this man.  When Murtagh and Jamie finally parted, there were no “I love you’s, I will miss you’s, I shall never forget you’s and all you have done for me’s.”  All of these, simply were. The silence between them was loud and busy with all of these things. With no end to the words needed said, best to say none. My poor heart came out of my chest and rolled around on the floor.

We can internalize the gravity of that particular parting. What makes me feel the greatest amount of empathy for Jamie is his loss of his protector.  Of course, Jamie is a capable, responsible and grown-ass man but don’t we all hold onto a part of the child inside of us? Especially those who have trauma in our past?  Young Jamie lost his mother and brother (not to mention the baby his mother lost during childbirth), this is when Murtagh stepped up and into that guardian role to Jamie. This is why the pain of having to release him of his oath was so painful.  Jamie didn’t want to. The child in Jamie still needs Murtagh whereas the man Jamie has become, can’t have him. Once again, proving LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

No matter how old we get, the protectors of our youth are chained to a piece of our very being.  I believe that child remains inside of us, never growing up or having the feelings/logic our adult mind possesses. As a consequence when faced with that loss, it is with our child’s heart, we grieve.  It explains why it is so incredibly painful when we lose those we loved dearly when we were children.

15673039_1290607130985548_5397088238435479155_n

The perfect visual.      Click for Source

Sam Heughan’s performance in this episode, as a whole was impressive. The last scene chewed me up and spit me out.

Murtagh and Jocasta – the fans lovingly call them #Murcosta. Didn’t we just get these two hot seniors?  They’re perhaps an unlikely pair but I do love them together. They offered one another a soft place to land.  Murtagh, after a lifetime of fighting, his guts/heart and mind are called to it again, this time he is in the driver’s seat. He doesn’t have time to be banging boots with Ms. Jo.  We know, they both get this. 

Jocasta broke the news, rather deliberately, that Duncan Innes proposed marriage to her. Murtagh seemed to be thinking ‘Good time to let her go without too much pain involved’, told her straight up he wouldn’t stand in the way of her happiness. This is where we can give Maria Doyle-Kennedy all the awards. The look on Jocasta’s face only altered in the slightest of ways, the slip of her fingers from his, without a word we knew that Murtagh was her happiness. She would have held on to him had he asked or given any indication that was possible. He didn’t and we felt that because of Jocasta’s silent but instinctual reaction. Maria Doyle Kennedy is so. damn. good.

Lord Yumm Gorgeous. Ummm, John Grey. Excuse me. I get confused, my LAWD that man is beautiful! David Berry is my favourite produce.

We didn’t get to hear too much from him in the episode. That is the whole point of this blog though, isn’t it? Those silent moments that were captured throughout the wedding are what touched us. Unrequited love is something most humans can relate to.  We know that LJG loves Jamie ergo whenever we see him alone and silently observing it can be painful. We know even if he did find love with someone, he would never be able to openly express it. Thanks, backwards 18th-century small-mindedness! 🙄 LJG is intelligent, pragmatic and above all, he knows where he stands with the Fraser’s. He is quite the extraordinary man who allows his own feelings to take a back seat to be the best BFF to them all. 😍

Our last moment had LJG next to John Quincy Myers,  with the latter passing out cold beside him – which was hilarious. The juxtaposition was Lord John, sitting alone in the dark, drink in hand. This wasn’t funny or fun anymore. I felt the urge to cuddle him. Not just because he is a scrumptious yummy bite of sweetness. It was a sad silence that I think many of us want to fill for him.

Even though there are other moments, I want to focus the rest of my attention on Brianna.  Her quiet demeanour, in the beginning, was beautiful and what so many brides go through on their wedding day.  Her silent moments built her strength in this episode. Oh, I know, people may want to slap me for saying that.

Here is a woman, carrying her pain in silence. The question is why?  Is she carrying it in silence because she doesn’t want to burden others with it? Is she carrying it in silence because she has already done a lot of the work and now, she is continuing to process? Is she learning how to function with these emotions? Is this yet another step in the healing of PTSD that comes from being a victim of sexual violence?

We or Brianna can feel safe in answering yes to all of those and would be 100% accurate.  Some may argue, “That is what family is for”, “You need to share with your partner”.  Those arguments can both be defended with  “We do and we don’t”.

We try to do what is best for our own healing. Taking a moment to catch our breath when we have an instance of recall or a panic attack when we need to get back to things, that’s exactly what we should do. That is what Brianna did, she found something/someone that was going to center her. Jemmy. She picked him up and held him close. If his little hand patting her back didn’t clench your heart, I would double-check to make sure yours is workin’, just saying!

I was privy to conversations saying Brianna didn’t get to enjoy her wedding night but I would like to give another perspective on this.

Bree had a moment during her wedding evening when she was facing an instance of recall aka flashback, of her rape. It caused her panic, anxiety and fear. Like a tower of blocks, she was knocked down – just as quickly, she put herself back together. Hastily, maybe not completely steady.  The rest of the evening, she might have been a bit unbalanced nevertheless she allowed those she was with, to hold her up. First, Jemmy.  Next, Roger. There’s no denying the love in her eyes when Roger serenades her, the joy in her face when they dance and the passion when they make love. She wraps around him pulling him as close as she can get him. Brianna did take solace, comfort and love from her family. They held her together and she let them while they could.

When the silence became deafening, Bree lay there with only her thoughts.  On the outside there wasn’t a sound but we know damn well, inside that woman’s head there was noise. A lot of it.  We can only imagine how much.

There, in that noise,  is where I believe she is gathering her strength, not losing it. Is she in pain? Yes. This kind of healing hurts. Scars like this don’t show on the outside so it makes sense we rarely speak of how they feel while they are healing.  These moments are easier to open up and talk about after we have processed some of them ourselves.  Giving these thoughts to others isn’t an easy task, mostly because it is difficult to express things you are only beginning to understand yourself.

To assume that Brianna wasn’t capable of feeling love and joy in the same evening as she experienced pain and healing is to accept Brianna is a one-dimensional person. This implies she is incapable of complex emotions and that theory goes against almost everything we know about this character.

We have to keep in mind, this isn’t the beginning of Brianna’s healing journey. We are walking through it with her.

I applaud Sophie Skelton and her attention to Brianna’s thoughts, subtleties and mannerisms during this process. Her character’s life is always moving forward while she is still healing and dealing. It is a balance and Sophie’s interpretation is en pointe!

What I am going to say now isn’t about Bree but about us humans overall. Many people keep their secrets locked inside because they are aware of how the people in their lives will react.

Common reactions when difficult news is shared;

  • feel sorry for them and pop them on the “I’m worried about you” track
    • this causes them more anxiety because they now worry about someone else worrying about them. The fear of becoming a burden comes true
  • take what they have said personally, get upset or angry (with or for them)
    • this causes more hurt because they will now feel they have to defuse this situation or make things better for others
  • to get involved, try and fix it
    • if they wanted someone to interfere that would have been their first request. Also takes the power away from the person with the problem, they may fear losing control and why they were hesitant to share

We should always let those we love know we are there. No judgements, no advice, just a hand to hold or lots of chocolate to give. “I know something is bothering you. I don’t need to know the details. I only need you to know I have chocolate and hugs. You can choose to tell me what is going on or you can tell me what you need me to say to you, I am here.”

And if they just want to be silent. Trust them but still listen. As we learned by watching The Fiery Cross, that silence still can speak to you.

Sher xo

I would love to hear how much you enjoyed the first episode of season 5! See our live tweet stream by following #OutlanderCAN  on twitter.

**Watch this space for a very special blog with a lament worthy cast member. COMING SOON.**

endjamiemurtagh

 

 

 

BADaptations #Outlanders on the bright side.

I need to have a little fun. The whole world is NOODLES N NUTS!

We are on the countdown for season 5. Everyone is getting antsy. There is a lot of activity on the Outlander Starz accounts. W Network is gearing up for us Canadians. I’m doing Meme reruns getting jacked for the live tweets every Sunday night followed by, what I hope are some interesting blogs.

For now, I’m going into Imaginationland.  There is always a lot of discussion in the fandom about deviation from the books.  If you have read my blogs before you know my stance on the books vs the show. There really is no vs. for me. They stand alone.  I have been reading the books for 25 years, pretty much know them inside and out. The show has to be a different thing, so I can fully enjoy the experience. Others do it their way, that’s cool. That is what makes the world go ’round. Well, that and gravity sciency stuff.

We have all seen movies, tv shows and mini-series created from books that have been slaughtered by the production company once they had the rights.  I still see people claiming that has happened to Outlander.  I disagree with those assessments. Here, I am going to show you what I envision a REAL slaughter looks like.

 

 

This is a GAG blog. A few things I have pulled out of my thinker that Outlander’s writers COULD have done if they so chose to. I’m not sure everyone is aware they could have done whatever they wanted and still had an audience. It may not have been you or I but it would have been someone.

I recall, in the beginning, many claimed Ron D. Moore and the writers had a love affair with Frank. They percieved this odd amount of empathy was given to his character and with too much screen time. He was Claire’s husband, it made sense to me to show his story, however, if they REALLY loved Frank so much they could have made him a much bigger part of the story.

What if? What if at the moment when Frank and Claire were at the stones at Craigh na Dun, appearing at the same time (200 yrs apart), the power of her desire to see him PULLED him through the stones?  Before you say that never could have happened. The writers are all-powerful in their storytelling. They can make anything they want, happen.  We are just lucky they didn’t.

frank feels

We all recall when Jenny was nearly raped by Black Jack Randall. Remember the nasty gossip that Dougal told Jamie?  That Jenny had a child as a result and BJR was the father? That would make for a juicy storyline, wouldn’t it? Almost too juicy for writers to pass up.

Here we could be, Jenny has BJR’s child. Ian still marries her because he loves her and raises the child as his own because that’s what the men on Outlander do, right?  BJR comes to Lallybroch frequently trying to steal the baby, it’s an added side story.  Oh, you know – extra drama! Most writers on TV want drama above all else and this story has years of drama written all over it.

giphy-11It didn’t really happen. Shh…

Ron Moore is currently involved in a super cool show called For All Mankind. The series explores an alternate history showing what happens if the space race never ended and the Soviet Union succeeded in the first manned Moon landing. Let’s put Outlander in that same headspace, shall we?

Since we are clearly aware Mr. Moore isn’t afraid of taking chances, like changing history. We should probably be happy that he didn’t get that itch out of his system with Claire becoming the ‘time traveller that could’. What if that became part of our epic new drama? Hmmm.

Culloden? WINNING! Bonny Prince? Bonny KING, thank ya, kindly. Jamie, no prison for you! You and all the Scots that battled so bravely now have your independence.  That’s a story for the ages, is it not? Yes. This could have been a thing and people would still watch. There would still be blogs. They might suck but they would be there.

I see folks on SM insist that Outlander writers have never read the books. Even though the writers have discussed their process many times of using the books as their outlines. If they never read the books or used them as a reference we could be looking at some crazy shit.

Imagine this. A new writer pops on the scene that has no idea what Outlander core stories are and they decide this –  Frank takes Brianna to a park for the afternoon. The park has this strange rock formation beside it, Brianna is skipping and playing around the rocks. One moment everything is fine and the next moment, she is gone! That’s right, Brianna has travelled through time as a 6-year-old! Frank is now forced to believe Claire after all this time.

That kind of storytelling would match the comments that production on Outlander has gone so far past what the books are about, the story isn’t recognizable.

I could have gone on and on with badaptations for days, it was kinda fun, to be honest with you. I bet some of you reading have ideas of your own. Drop them in the comments and we can have some laughs!

I do admit we all perceive the characters and much of the heart of the stories with our personal filter and biases. That is a completely natural way of enjoying or having contempt for what is happening on screen.  I hope we can look at the brighter side of our experience with Outlander’s adaptation. Yes, there may be some stuff that grinds our gears or twists us up. I most certainly do not take anything away from that. It’s natural for some peeps to fan that way.

The whole point of this little blogscursion. There are some downright horror shows of adaptations. BADaptations.  Granted, those badaptations are creations by people far more talented than I am. Everyone has a vision. I am sure there are people who will love those adaptations just as much as those who don’t.

It is my opinion that Outlander is a RADaptation. (Yep, Gen X’er here)

 

 

I hope you all have a FANtasticalamazirifisome day!

Sher xo❤

 

 

I’m SPELEERS’ING the Beans about Outlandish Vancouver and why it changed my life.

I will open this blog with a warning – first- my somewhat warped humour is attached to some sensitive subjects. If you feel you MAY be offended – go now or forever hold your tongue (and your tappity tap fingers in rage mode afterward) because I warned you and will not entertain you with debate or take your interweb spankings later.

The next warning is a trigger warning. I will be discussing childhood trauma and rape in this blog.
giphy-9

I’m saying this as nice as I can. (Source)

You might remember my sunnuvaBonnot blog, if not, feel free to refresh your memory by clicking here. there I spoke about my deep angst re: Stephen Bonnet. You don’t have to read it but it’s there for clarity.

I also wrote about my experiences at the Outlander Vancouver weekend and how much I enjoyed all the things. In said blog, I eluded to my moments with Ed Speleers. I’m not being dramatic when I say they were transformative.

giphy-10

Just like that (source)

Let’s rewind. Around 23 years ago – while reading Drums of Autumn, one Stephen Bonnet was introduced. This villain struck me as particularly abhorrent.  He had this devious charm, disarming good looks that seemed to allow him to lure and get away with preying on his victims.  This type of person has always set my teeth on edge and ignited a rage inside me that I had difficulty expressing precisely why.

Fast forward to Outlander the TV show, season 4. Ed Speleers comes to inhabit the body of the villain that lives in my guts. I wondered if I would feel the same about this character visually as I did about the book character. I did. Steven Bonnet, in both forms, were devastatingly like, what I now call, my internal ghost. Every time his character appeared on the page, every time his face showed on the screen- there was this physical reaction my brain fired against.

tenor
Wait, I probably can. I have. Never mind. (Source)

I knew Ed Speleers, was going to be at the Outlandish Vancouver event. I know damned well Ed is not Stephen Bonnet, I happen to pride myself on not being a complete fricken idiot. I know this man is not the character he plays. Let’s also say it out loud for the people in the back, I know Stephen Bonnet is a fictional character. I KNOW THIS.

There is this thing about trauma though. There is a brain/gut/heart connection that sometimes happens without our consciousness being on board for the ride.

tenor-1
No idea where it is, what it’s doing. (Source)

As the cast was introduced into the Meet and Greet on Friday night, the excitement in the room was palpable. People clapping, laughing and cheering as each cast member entered the room. Everything stopped for me when I saw Ed. Not out of awe, excitement or fear. It was reality. It slapped me in the face like 35 yrs of silence might. Seeing him no more than 25 feet away unlocked something and I finally had all the pieces of the puzzle. This puzzle was one of those hideous 3D ones and at that moment, I only wanted to dump it back into the box to deal with it later.  You see, it was that moment, as I stood in the same room with the embodiment of this “villain” that reached deep inside me and caused such a visceral reaction was because that type of guy, was MY villain.

giphy-11

This is big. Too big. (Source)

This is where I get real honest with you. I was an 11 ½-year-old girl, when the 18 yr old, hot dance troop guy, who all the girls wanted to “get with” took me behind the curtain backstage. I let him because he said nice things to me. I must be 13, right? I was so pretty, wasn’t I? It was exciting – until it was terrifying. I wanted him to stop- but he didn’t. I wasn’t his only victim and he got away with it time and time again because look at him. Shouldn’t I consider myself lucky?  Thinking back, finally, clearly, it was all of those things a predator and a broken child say to themselves to make sense of the insane things going on.  Brain/gut/heart connection doing what it can to cope. Shove. It. Down.

I know now, the part of me that refused to be a victim as an adult was always afraid for and protecting that little girl that was violated so many years ago. Literally, the ONLY person that could hurt her was a man like HIM.  Reading about that buried reality was one thing – seeing the character come to life was another. Obviously, my eyes were wide open to the why of it all now.  It really wasn’t comfortable. Let’s call it an emotional wedgie.

giphy-12
Just can’t fix it in public no matter how subtle you are. (Source)

So, how does this go down at this lovely Outlandish Vancouver Meet and Greet? I’m having this brain/gut/heart arrhythmia that I’m not about to dial 911 for because that’s no one’s business and I am trying to process it. I’m not 100% confident about being face to face with Ed Speleers bc look wtf happened with him across the damn room from me!

tenor-2

On the inside – tornado – On the outside – try and move me (Source)

Eventually, Mr. Speleers wanders over to our table.  Am I going to be a total tool?  Yup. Tool alert.🤦‍♀️  The hairs on the back of my neck go up. I think to myself, “You are being a complete boob! This guy is a few glasses in and having a great time…pull your head outta your ass.”  If you haven’t gathered by now, I’m a shit listener. I decided to step back and take a seat, figuring avoiding him altogether might be best. Nope. That didn’t work! He made eye contact with me and I quickly glanced away. Not something I think is normal in these situations. Generally, if their eye is caught by someone, they are drawn into conversation pretty quickly. I didn’t want to be a jackass but I honestly didn’t know what to say and not be like “Your appearance triggered me and now I’m trippin’ balls.” That’s hardly fair.

tenor-3

I can be an arsehole but I’m not horrible. (Source)

I take some deep breaths. Center my thoughts on the energy of the room and away from my own. I focus and then, Ed and I  made eye contact again. This time Ed’s eyes dropped down to look at my t-shirt…where our ABOotlander mascot Toger, was proudly displayed. (Thanks Lee for doing that!)

TOGERgolden

Here is TOGER! Our fierce Canadian beaver.

There was my opening, it was time for me to break the ice. The only way I know how –  SherryStyle.

Me- *throw a look of disgust at Mr. Speleers and gasp* “Did you just look at my BEAVER?”

Ed- *sputter – eyes bulge* “Huh? What..No! I didn’t look at your beaver.

Me- “Yes…you did! You just did it again.”

Ed- “NO! You made me look at your beaver by talking about your beaver”

Me- “Mmmmmmhmmmm, there you go again.”

Laughter ensues and more “yes you did, no I didn’t”, winks and smiles (as much as my palsied face CAN smile anyway).

As strange as it sounds…my beaver…TOGER became a running joke over the weekend. The fact that we named our beaver Toger in the first place – everyone knew we were playing with a filthy deck.  The next morning, I brought Toger for my photo op. I suggested John and Kikki help protect Toger and me from Ed. Well, as you can see, Kikki was having too much fun fondling Toger to protect him. As for Ed, he was poking away at Toger.

beaver

The commentary got VERRA BLUE between the 4 of us. John Bell took his role very seriously but had quite enough and nearly fired all of us. My poor palsied face almost froze in a fit of laughter. I tell ya, that ain’t pretty.

Regressing a bit – Get this. I purchased a little token of Canadian goodness to give to the UK actors before ANY of the Toger/beaver jokes even started. A tiny little beaver with a Canadian flag painted on it, to remember their trip to #OV2019. Little did I know what this gift from me to them, would come to symbolize.

beav

How cute! Oh – look…the beaver has a pole…or its chewing on some wood…either way, it adds another layer of dirt.

So, I attended a suite party. Things that happen at the suite parties are supposed to stay at the suite parties but this is something I am going to share because it’s a me thing. Ed and I were chatting and naturally, there were jokes. That damned beaver, always getting into trouble. Laughing and carrying on, we had a moment where he looked at me in the eye, hand on mine and completely jokingly said: “You’ve violated me! I feel so violated”  I am laughing with him, yet I feel this shudder inside my chest.  I’m not sure exactly what it is. We are laughing harder…and then two more times…”You’ve violated me” his hand firm on mine.  I took a huge deep breath and felt something let go. “You do NOT know what you just did for me,” I said to him.  Puzzled, he made sure I knew he was kidding around, “I was jokin’, you know that.” Of course! Of course, I knew. This weird twisted humour became the perfect vehicle. He didn’t know what he had just done and until I sat with it, I didn’t know the full extent either.

tenor-5

Ok, it was wrinkled before but you get my meaning. (Source)

I am telling this to you because with all the laughter and silliness floating around us there was something in those words that became a balm to me. Something in those words that I never once had the chance to say to the person that violated me. As they were being said to me, by the person who held that brain/gut/heart connection to my villain – it healed a broken part of me. That shudder – was energy, that deep breath was to a space in me that hadn’t breathed in 37 yrs.

I felt it at that moment and as I laid in bed that night. I replayed that moment over in my head, as I did, something changed inside me. I was having trouble describing it but I could feel it.

Did you know I was raped when I was just a kid? Did you know it wasn’t my fault? Did you know I locked that up inside me for so fuckin long that it burned a hole inside of me that became a part of who I was? That hole made me rage about men who are handsome, charming and devious? I know you know because I finally said it out loud and I feel zero shame, humiliation or apprehension in doing so.

tenor-4

Deep breath. Moving forward. (source)

On the last night of Outlandish Vancouver, we were on the final voyage and I was hoping for a moment with Ed, so I could thank him. Imagine, thanking a man that plays a rapist on TV for giving me back that last grain of power I allowed my rapist to have. Koko sent Ed my way and trying not to sound insane or wishy-washy AF with my palsied face on the verge of tears, I shared with him, much of what I have shared with you.  I can’t say exactly what the exchange was because our words during that last interaction were more than kindness, I hold them close to my heart, in confidence. Ed Speleers, as funny as he is, he also is incredibly gracious.

I believe it more now than I did before. No matter where we are in this universe – people are put in our path for a reason. Many things happen the way they do because they are meant to. Had someone said that making an inappropriate beaver joke at Ed Speleers would lead to my healing a piece of my soul I forgot was broken…well, that just sounds full-on bat shit crazy, doesn’t it?

As others converged on our one on one, Ed gave me a huge hug, reached into his pocket and with a smile, pulled out the l’il wooden Canadian beaver I had given to him.

We will always have that.

20191026_144037

Card Collage 3

All the shiggles.

ABOotlander rebuilt, Sherry

Better Late than Never. Outlandish Vancouver delivered – Big Time!

I decided to take a bit of an extended vacation after my adventures with Outlandish Vancouver. That is why I am a little late to the show., plus, it’s me. You are used to it.

I decided I was going to do two blogs about my time at the Outlandish Vancouver event. One, overall, about my experience, some highlights and observations. Another to cover a uniquely mind-blowing life-altering magical moment that I couldn’t have predicted. No one could have possibly predicted.  Here is a hint – Ed/SomeStuff/Me. That’s all I’m sayin’.       giphy

My fellow ABOotlander Admin, Lee and I decided that we have had enough of watching others have all the fun at these big Outlander events. With our group being based in Alberta, a trip to B.C. was pretty do-able so we made plans to attend Outlandish Vancouver, obviously the closest Outlander fan/cast event to us. We did so, in style. Lee hooked us up with matching T-shirts with our lovable mascot, Toger the beaver, emblazoned on our chests.                                                                             leeme.png

He ended up getting quite a bit of attention over the wknd, being repeatedly mistaken for my beaver. So many jokes.

You are all going to have to wait for that story.  It’s a gooder, watch this space.

I am not great with huge crowds, have newly forced mobility issues and to be honest, am apprehensive about any kind of ‘convention’ thing.  My dear friend, Cat, VideoRecap/PhotoOp Convention expert, assured me this particular event was not only small (about 100 attendees) but was a smooth-running machine. This eased my anxious nature of not knowing wtf was going on being sent into overdrive. I can’t tell you how nice it is to have people in your bubble, that have experienced MANY events who can let you know what to expect without blowing smoke up your ass.

KoKo, Pippi, Hey, You! (I am sure there are other things she was answering to over the course of the weekend) the event coordinator, as busy as she was – never made me feel like I was a bother. Even though, I was. I gots the mobility, dietary issues and well…I’m just annoying, you all can tell.

.giphy-2

Koko made every effort to be sure EVERYONE was feeling good about their experience. Her team (seen below with the Outlander talent) was extraordinary. If one was asked a question they didn’t know the answer to – they knew who would know and never left you hanging. They worked with their cast members closely, keeping them on top of things and happy. What a delight to see.

OVteamcast

Photo Courtesy: Outlandish Vancouver – Front row/left to right: The OV Dynamos – Karin, Christine, Koko and Samantha. Back row/left to right: Braeden Clarke, Keith “Kikki” Fleming, John Bell, Carmen Moore, Trevor Carroll and Ed Speleers

I may not have attended an Outlander cast event before but I have been to a plethora of events in my lifetime and this crew, this event, had it down. They knew their stuff and the best part was how obvious it was they were enjoying themselves.  If they were stressed or panicked by any problems, in particular, their guests never knew it or sensed it. THAT’S HUGE.  From the outside, it appeared they were experiencing others have a fantastic experience. Fans AND talent, alike.

The Outlander cast invited were meant to bring OLD and NEW world together were and brilliantly selected. They played off of one another, getting along fabulously, it was pretty special to be a part of.

20191026_211102

Yes, there is a lot going on in this photo. Carmen was embarrassed for us? Or to be with us? The answer is most likely, yes.

Let’s talk about the cast who attended, in no particular order.

Carmen Moore (who I previously interviewed for this blog), was as bewitchingly intense as I had hoped she would be. She has such an incredibly kind and open heart. One thing I admired about Carmen, her understanding of self and willingness to share this path of growing into the warrior she is.  We were honoured to hear about her latest work making the film festival circuit. Rustic Oracle, a story told from the perspective of an 8 yr old girl when her older sister goes missing. By exploring the epidemic of missing and murdered indigenous girls and women, it is receiving powerfully positive reviews.  Carmen and her young costar, Lake Delisle have already won awards for their portrayals in this groundbreaking film.  Please watch for its release in a theatre near you, March 2020.   *warning- have tissues handy*

As the only woman from the cast to be present at the event, Carmen wasn’t at a loss for entertainment or topics of conversation. It seemed to me that she and her costars are as equal as it gets with their respect and banter with one another. Carmen has a certain way of carrying herself that says very clearly, “I belong here.”  I admire her self awareness, her willingness and desire for constant growth. Those striving to learn about themselves and the world they live in, are the most interesting kinds of humans. I thought myself lucky to have interviewed Carmen all those months ago, now I feel blessed to have hugged her lots (I’m not a big hugger) and to have gotten chances to chat with her one on one. I do love a good side-eye over breakfast. I hope Carmen finds herself in Edmonton one day, with a little extra time on her hands – she knows she has a place. ❤

Carmen Moore Warrior

photo credit: Carmen Moore Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pg/therealCarmenMoore/photos/

I can not say enough good things about Braeden Clarke. Those in attendance were privileged to meet the other side of this dynamic young man.  Onscreen in Outlander, Braeden played Kaheroton, the dark yet vivid war chief of the Mohawk Village where Roger is being held captive. The flip side is this entertaining, engaging and wildly energetic yet compassionate young man.  Braeden is obviously a natural-born actor. His enthusiasm for creating a scene that is not only believable but sincere comes straight from his guts.  He most certainly gets lost in his role which creates nothing less than magic.

20191026_122747_capture

All actors know to ride horses – on their CVs. He also catches rolling babies. Good times!

He relayed to us, during a take (as he watched the woman he loved, Johiehon, walk into the flames that engulfed the man she loved) the director asked him to bring his emotions up to the point of just about to break – but – don’t break and HOLD. Of course, that was much harder said than done but he held it, barely –  so when the director ended the scene he had to get away from everyone to let it tip over the edge. Taking it to that point, he couldn’t swallow it back,  it could only come out. The dam needed releasing, so to speak.

Oh, and a fun take away from this guy – any life hacks you need when you don’t know how to do something, or maybe you stretched the truth on a CV – “YouTube that shit.” Great advice! Know why? It’s true. Literally…everything!

Braeden

Braeden Clarke “really” acting and the “real” Braeden Clarke. This young man is F’AWESOME!

Trevor Carroll who played, what some may consider a small role, Otter Tooth joined us. Many fans that attended Outlandish Vancouver have also read the books, so Trevor’s character has deep meaning. His haunting portrayal of Otter Tooth, a man with a foot in both worlds, believing he is capable of changing the tragic fate of his people may have been short on screen time but it won’t be forgotten.

Trevor was asked, not surprisingly, as an Ojibway man, would he take the opportunity to go back in time to change the fate of his people? He diplomatically made it known, he probably wouldn’t have done things as Otter Tooth did, but being an Indigenous person, wanting to change the past for his people, would be the only option. Both of his panel costars emphatically agreed with him.

20191026_121556

What might be a “wouldn’t it be cool” question becomes an -if it were possible it might stop a genocide- reality.

Trevor is clearly a family man. He lovingly spoke of them a number of times. It was heartwarming to see how protective of his family he is.  Protectiveness is a running theme in his life, it seems. He has a passion for mixed martial arts, his involvement in Battlefield Fight League brings this to light. Also a creative artist as well, you can find examples on his website, Reverie Arts.  His art shows more of his soft-spoken and intent nature.  He is definitely not a simple man but one of many talents and tastes.

Most were saying how very different he looked from his character. I guess it’s true what they say, “A smokey eye can make all the difference.”

trevor2.png

photo credit: Outlandish Vancouver/Trevor Carroll

For our UK cast, let me start with Keith- who goes by- KiKKi, Fleming…the ill-fated Lesley. Who believe me, when you get to hear his views on a) politics b) his fellow castmates c) politics d) food e) politics f) great places to visit close to home, he is filled with fantastic quips, quotes, jokes and antidotes that will make you think, smile and laugh out loud. Ummm, Koko, we didn’t talk about politics!

Fear not, he also isn’t bitter about being killed off. Not even a little. 👌 Pretty sure we fans, after the weekend was over, were far more upset about that than he. kikkied.png

Kikki is a very engaging human. He had his fellow entertainers in stitches a great deal of the time. You can tell he is a born storyteller and really, onboard for just about anything. When asked to perform the lament he sang in Episode 401, he was bashful for all of 2 seconds, cleared his throat then sang it loud and proud. It was a treat for all.

Why we thought it was fair to caterwaul the Skye Boat song back at him, I’m not altogether sure. 🤣🤔Never let any good deed go unpunished or something like that?  Braeden took a video of us- I thought at first “It must be because we are SO awesome.”  Then, I looked at my picture really close…

20191027_142122

This photo clearly says – Braeden takes out his phone to video the torture he is clearly being put through. John laughs because he had the balls to do it in front of everyone. Kikki is stunned by the pain of his bleeding eardrums and Ed tries desperately not to make eye contact with anyone in hopes they will stop this unbearable noise they call singing.  At least that is what it looks like it is saying to me (maybe I have a GREAT imagination 😜 maybe I’m an expert people reader)

As a Scot, the man can spin a yarn and it isn’t because of his accent you sit spellbound. It is because he is funny AF and damned interesting.  We all enjoyed a fun recounting of a table read re: Jamie/Claire sex scene where his internal dialogue was having the best time making fun of things and he had us ALL in stitches. Those sitting on the panel included.  It is really easy to see why he stays friends with many of his fellow cast members. When you can delight so many, so easily, they want to be around you.

boysgif

Thank frig for photobursts! GIF this for days. ❤ happy.

Kikki made my face spasm more than once.  There was a LOT of beaver talk. Sorry, not sorry, you will have to stay tuned for the Ed Speleers-n-Me blog for THAT whole story though. There I was, poor Lil Bell’s Palsied face me…laughing so hard my face seizes up in its fool hemifacial spasms – I tell ya, it’s a cute look absolutely NO ONE EVER said, so for our selfie (that wasn’t a selfie) we decided to see who could look serious for longer.

20191026_144124.jpg

Me n Kikki. We behaved for a whoppin’ 1.3 seconds

I believe John Bell might be the sweetest, most charismatic and genuine souls- ever. As an outgoing, silly and wonderfully accommodating person as he was – the 3 or 4 minutes on a quiet balcony where two introverts got a recharge from the chaos, was probably my favourite time with him. It was simply he and I…some quiet thoughts about the importance of alone time and just ‘being’.

John truly loves to make people smile, he enjoys giving fans “their moment.” All you have to do is check out the photos from those who attended the wknd. Every photo with John, that smile – catches his eyes. As a young man, he is incredibly mindful of the people around him, he has a deep understanding of their desire to be around him and puts it into its rightful place. Where it could be misunderstood, it isn’t and he continues to be grounded (because he does the worm like a master) To be completely transparent, I don’t think there is ANY dance move that guy can’t do.  It’s impressive and entertaining!

giphy-3

Yes…yes you were…are (source)

He has been acting since he was 8 but it is very obvious the young man was born a star. There is a light in his eyes that simply shines through. Which is noticeable the first time you speak with him. Funny enough (not funny 🤣 but funny 🤔), when he spoke about Young Ian’s arc to come, he knows how changed Ian will be. John wants to be sure Young Ian always has that *twinkle* in his eye.

I think that may just be the icing that John Bell has put on the Ian of the Outlander TV show.  Yes, Young Ian in the books is an amazing character, always was one of my favourites. John’s portrayal of Young Ian has given us another version of him and I love him equally. I look forward to when and how he returns. John was very tight-lipped and no, the head shave was for him, not the show. He did add, for those in the back, he will be fighting for those face tattoos. He wants them VERRA badly.

20191026_144340

Such a great guy, blocking my palsied side!

And…then…there was Ed. Ed Speleers. I have a lot to say about my experience with Mr. Speleers. You will be able to read about it here, in a couple of days. The truth is, I didn’t “see” Stephen Bonnet in him at all.  That is a good thing – there was none of the ‘slithering’ or the thing sunnuvaBonnet does with his face…you know, that ‘thing’. sb

Ed isn’t shy, he shares openly what he thinks about himself, his previous work. Even the things he may not be so proud of. He also lights up when he talks about projects he has in the works, like Dad Was.  This guy listens when you are speaking not just hearing the words but listens to what you are sharing with him. Ed takes in more than what is immediately in front of him, he seems to have one of those minds that sees what is shown and then dissects all the things beyond in order to truly understand. This is likely what makes him passionate about producing.

It was refreshing and let’s face it, a helluva a time, to talk to someone that is as filter-free as myself.  He has a sense of humour that is can be dark and sometimes as crude as mine, all the while empathy and awareness are right there on the surface. You know what I call that? Well fricken rounded!

20191027_112419

I mean, look at that smile. There’s no SunnuvaBonnet in him.

ed.png

 

 

 

I also had an amazing time meeting fellow fans/friends I have had online but not had the pleasure of meeting in person. In MY like fashion, I got ZERO pictures of us together, not bc I don’t like taking pictures BUT because my mouth is too busy yakking with them to even think of it. By the time I do – the trip is over and I say “Next time!” and then it happens – AGAIN. I’m insufferable. Truly.

Cat has been someone I have played online with forever and to finally have met her was a big ole tick on the ABOUTFUCKINTIME box. This fandom thing is a blessing. It brings us together…over the miles…across oceans and countries…like attracts like.

giphy-4

A flock of nerds is called a fandom…right? (source)

I have been reading and following Erin Conrad from Three If By Space for what seems like forever and suddenly, she becomes our ride or die over a matter of days.  A heart as big as her brain – though I’m not sure everyone is supposed to know that. Too late. Sorry, Erin…now they know. You are going to have to come at me…I will put the coffee on. Alyson was our navigator – she turned out to be a better friend.😜  I feel lucky that Erin and Alyson let me and Lee hang out in their back seat…we can be a real pain in the ass.

giphy-5

Not that bad, maybe. (source)

It was great to sit and shoot the proverbial shit with Karmen of Outlander Anatomy. It’s all kinds of nice to connect with people we have had the pleasure of getting to know online. When we get to see with our own four-eyes that they are what they put out for the world, it’s a comfort.

I only got a smidge of time with Courtney  from #OutlanderBehindTheScenes but you know, a smidge is better than nothing.  The girl knows how to give a hug, I will say that. It was a fairy tale…catching her eye across a crowded boat, running slow motion into one another’s arms.  No. That didn’t happen. We did recognize one another instantly but my hobbly butt was parked in stationary mode.  I look forward to getting to see her again for a longer visit. Until then, we will continue to make one another snort on the interwebs.

giphy-6

snorts, martinis n bunnies – oh my! (source)

There are so many wonderful people I was able to finally meet. Kelly, Linda, Karin, Samantha, Frances ( I am sure I am forgetting names and people because – I forget my own most days) and made new friends too. Zee, Christine, Marcella (others I am forgetting).  You simply can’t be in a group of people who love the same thing and NOT connect with many of them.

The atmosphere of Outlandish Vancouver is one that doesn’t force you to be stampeded or corralled. There is room to breathe and not feel rushed. While making allowances for those in need, there is no playing of favourites for perceived popularity. The planning is down to the minute and anyone that knows event planning, understands when staying within a 15-minute window – shit is under control – and it was always within 5-8 minutes.  Not that I paid attention.

giphy-7

It’s a me problem, not a they problem (source)

The truth of the matter is expectations for attendees are clear. “This is what is happening, aren’t here by this time? It will happen without you”. It is, what I call “respect the event” and as someone that values my time and appreciates other’s efforts, I am so grateful for this. Watching how relaxed others were and how much they enjoyed the event proved I wasn’t wearing first-timer goggles.

As a wrap-up, Outlandish Vancouver suits me, my personality, all of my weird quirks and yeah, those pesky needs.  Everything happens for a reason and well…Outlandish Vancouver and I were meant to be. I don’t think I will be seeking out any other events and will be comfortable saving for this one, right next door, again next year.

I have said it many times already but I think they are due for a public one. Thank you, Koko for all of your hard work and dedication to this event and to me. Your extra care and kindness towards me were most certainly not necessary but it was very appreciated. To the rest of the team, Karin, Christine and Samantha. The venues and the lunches – all went without a hitch.

giphy-8

You deserve this and more! (source)

Do stay tuned.  I am hoping to have part 2 of my adventures published by midweek.

And Lee…you are a spectacular roomie! Love you through the stones and back xoxo

ABOotlanders Blatherer, Sher XO

 

 

 

 

 

 

SunnuvaBonnet. I can’t even…

but I will try for the sake of this blog. If you have spent any time following me on Twitter, or talk to me in real life, you will know I have a pretty visceral reaction to Stephen Bonnet. I HATE him. Like HATE HATE HATE him.

tumblr_mktao7uzjc1rypsblo3_250

In case you didn’t hear me the first four times (source)

Yeah, I know. He is a fictional character. When he existed only on the pages of Diana Gabaldon‘s books. I hated him there too BUT I had more control over him. Diana could describe him as handsome as she wanted. For me…in my brain…in order to accept this man as the evil he was…that physical attraction couldn’t exist. That would be WRONG. So…good old Stevie BonBon had one eye on scan and one eye on lock, big ole skin tags plaguing his face and I gave him lips like a fish.  For me, that was enough to set him off the hot scale and into icksville.

Then, Ed Speleers was cast. Ed beautiful Speleers. Gorgeous, delightful, handsome in every way.  Like many others, I knew him from Downton Abbey. I saw how good he was at playing dickish but delightful…I felt this just wasn’t gonna be good for me.

giphy-4

Nope. No darn good. (source)

I was right.  He WAS delicious and it tore me up. In my opinion, the worst kind of evil is the kind that seduces and charms you in one moment and destroys you in the next. It causes you to trust, makes you feel sorry for it, which makes you drop your guard.  Evil like that does it solely and completely to take advantage to get what it wants.  The end result is for their gain.  Any loss someone else may have suffered means nothing to them, in fact, they barely notice the damage they have done. They only care they’ve won.

What I found difficult about watching Season 4 unfold the way it did, was the way Stephen Bonnet just sailed through being scum. Everyone was looking to blame someone for the miscommunication, the lies and the secrets yet…the person, smack dab in the center of ALL of it…was the silver-tongued devil that committed theft, murder and rape. He sat in the corner flipping coins betwixt his scungy fingers with that slimy grin on his face while the world burned around him.

He was the piece of shit that threw the match and everyone watched him do it.  Yet, they all screamed at the person that built the house, they blamed the one who made the matches and they got mad at the hay that became the kindling. They even had the audacity to shame the person that was trapped in the fire, burned and scarred the worst.  Those in the story got mad at themselves for lending him the matchbox and some pretended the fire wasn’t even burning around them. The whole thing made my head want to explode and knowing I sound like a drama llama, made my heart hurt a little too.

tenor

It’s pathetic, really (source)

There was ONE person who deserved the blame, anger and hostility.  The one that manipulated, murdered and raped. Full stop.

This is why I burn with the hate of a thousand suns for the likes of that sunnuvaBonnet. It is the Halo Effect. These types are everywhere. Disarming people with their smiles, leading people with fear and getting away with being the worst kind of human because they don’t look like a bad guy. Think of the Brock Turners of society, the Ted Bundys…how many “Oh, he’s too good looking, he couldn’t possibly be bad?” people in the world that keep getting free passes because they don’t fit what society thinks a bad guy looks like.

1506185337_giphy

Don’t be fooled (source)

I have written a story here 3 times. Deleted it 3 times and it will stay deleted. I don’t need to share it for us to know that these people don’t just exist between the pages of books or in front of cameras on TV shows. To different extents, of course, but they are real and exist in our lives. They walk around believing they can say and do whatever they choose with no consequences simply because they want to. They see it as their right to get what they want no matter who or what gets in their way. This is why I believe this character ticks all the boxes of horrible, evil, no good sunnuvabitch for me. Watch this space for a blog comparing ‘Outlander Villians’. My brain kept going there while writing this so I figured I might as well do one. 

Every time that sunnuvaBonnet appeared on screen, my husband would side-eye me, waiting. He knew it was coming and every time I TRIED…I tried so hard not to do it but I couldn’t, I would snap and spill “Oh My GAWD! I hate THAT guy! I hate him SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!”  I had to say it, I had to let it out. Every. Damn. Time. Hubby would chuckle at me and shake his head but I found I couldn’t focus on what was happening on screen until I verbalized my hostility. I know. I know. I have issues. At least I admit it.

tumblr_o0i677ghce1rlafseo1_400

Under no illusions here, folks. (source)

At first, like I said, I was concerned with the casting of Ed Speleers because he is so incredibly beautiful and that really messed with my head. I figured I would never be able to enjoy him in any other production as I would always see him as Bonnet or I would always see Bonnet as this attractive guy and it would cause me even more animosity towards him. That would be very very dark and not at all healthy.

I am happy to report that somehow Ed morphed his sweet dimpled face into a darker version of itself. I believe I will be able to watch him in other things and see him in the real world without connecting him with Bonnet’s pure evil. Screenshot (2038)

By the time the episode rolled around that Brianna confronted him, that transition was completed in my mind.  His appearance wasn’t beautiful. I realized that he looked more like I felt about him – if that makes sense. I wasn’t seeing the striking eyes or chiselled features. I was seeing the ugliness that was inside of him and again, I thank Ed Speleers for that.  Unlike my imagination having to create these traits for book Bonnet, Ed’s powerful performance with sunnuvaBonnet created that hideousness that seeped from the inside to manifest itself on the outside.  Of course, it didn’t make the character anymore tolerable for me but, it did help me.  It helped me because I didn’t have to feel that battle of being attracted to a person that was a complete piece of human garbage.

Ed, on the other hand. RAWR.

ed

I mean…he is very talented et al. (source) 

 

Until next time,

Sher (ABOotlander founder)

 

 

 

My chat with Carmen “Wonderfender” Moore! #Outlander AKA Wahkatiiosta

Carmen Moore is one of those actresses that you see a dozen times and think she is a dozen different people. She is like a chameleon, morphing for her roles, not only in appearance but her voice, those small mannerisms that most of us don’t even notice we have.  When I first saw her in Outlander’s Providence, giving Roger a hard time, I was drawn to her. I took note of her name and looked her up on IMDB.  My jaw hit my laptop. I have seen Carmen in many productions and not once did I put it together that she was the same person. (And it’s not just because I’m thick…it’s because she’s magical.)

Magical…talented…for those of you reading this who have only experienced Carmen’s work on Outlander – let me share something with you. She has been nominated and has won numerous awards in Canadian television and film. I’m not just blowing smoke. This isn’t small potato stuff – 9 Nominations and 6 Wins so far! You know, to be exact about it.

fgfhzre

It really is. Props. (source)

I would have been walking around the Outlander set saying “Hey everybody! I’ve won 4 Leo’s and I am a Woman OF Distinction, dontcha know?… Imma big damn deal in Canada eh?” but something I learned about Carmen is she is incredibly down to earth –  with a touch of sass. The girl loves herself some emoji’s and even her signature warns you that she might be up to something  – “sent with love and mischief”.  I’m excited to help you get to know her a little better, I think you are going to like her a lot.

giphy

I know you will (source)

It is an interesting coincidence that Carmen Moore landed a role in this Ronald D. Moore production. She has starred in 2 other shows that Ron created. The Battlestar Galactic web series: The Resistance  and Battlestar Galactica Caprica. She also appeared in the Battlestar Galactica TV Movie: Blood and Chrome.    Worth noting, she has never met Ron Moore and nope, not related either. There, that was our fun fact.

Everyone asks that generic “How did you get started in acting” question, there is a reason for that, it usually is an interesting story.  I wanted to know Carmen’s.   I’ve been “performing” for most of my life, although not professionally. 😂  Mom says I used to stand on the living room footstool at two years old and pretend I was on stage. “Carmen-wonderfender!” was how I introduced myself…to no one in particular! I discovered drama in grade 9 and fell in love with it. I did local theatre in Vancouver for a few years before an agent sitting in the audience of one of my shows approached me and offered to represent me. She started sending me out for tv and film auditions, which hadn’t occurred to me because I was so in love with theatre. I started booking right away and was just in the right place at the right time. It was just after Dances with Wolves was released, and I was basically the only “Native” actress in the city at that time that looked like Disney’s Pocahontas (although, I’ve never considered myself a “Native” actor…I’m just an actor).

Carmen says “right place at the right time”. I think it has a helluva lot to do with talent, those nominations and awards do a lot to back me up.

I found it very interesting that you seemed to break out of that typecasting many Native actor/esses speak about being put into.  Was there something that you did or a conscious effort on your part to make that happen?  YES!! Like I said, I was booking mostly Native roles in the beginning, and I really didn’t want to get stuck in that box. It’s easy for casting directors, especially in Vancouver, to become limited in how they see you, so we need to be responsible to open their minds to us. At one point I thought I wasn’t going to get out of the “buckskin” period pieces so I did the dramatic thing and chopped off all my hair. I went with this cute little bob and started booking cop/detective, lawyer, professional roles. It was risky, but it worked. And, I think I had a bit of an advantage as well because I don’t just look “Native”…I can play just about anything, including Caucasian…just a little more tanned than some! 😁

Do you recall what your reaction was when you heard you landed the role and would be headed to Scotland?    Oh my gosh, I think my heart skipped a beat. 😁  I was sitting in a food court having a terrible meal when I got the call from my agent, so I couldn’t really let out the “whoop” that I was feeling. And I think it took a few days for it to sink in…and even then, it wasn’t really REAL until I landed in Glasgow! It was my first time working outside of Canada…I’ve worked on many American shows, but they were all shot within Canada, so this was a special experience. There is something magical about Scotland. It’s indescribable. It’s a very spiritual place. Best experience of my career thus far.

From the moment your character of Wahkatiiosta came on screen you gave her this essence that spoke ‘strong warrior’. Tell me about that. I fell in love with Wahkatiiosta right from the start…when I auditioned, they were looking for a woman in her 50’s that could tell the Otter Tooth story, and someone to lead the Warriors in to accost Jamie and Claire for the stone. When I booked it I thought, “well this is the oldest I’ve ever portrayed!” 😂

Then I got the scripts and she had been rewritten as “30’s”…and that helped a lot, especially once I saw what they were planning to dress me in….I embraced a more youthful energy and she just got more and more tomboy as I contemplated who this woman is…because she’s not in the books. She was created for the series, so I got to create her in my mind! She is two-spirited, she has very masculine tendencies, but she’s still a woman so much of her strength lies in her emotion. She loves deeply, LOVES her people and would do anything for them, but she wears this invisible armour. It’s all over her.

When I heard Carmen’s take on Wahkatiiosta, I watched both Providence and Man of Worth again, I urge you to do the same. Come back and let me know in the comments if it impacted how you saw her.  I ask you to do this because I am curious if your thoughts match mine. I appreciated Carmen’s portrayal the first few times I watched but after hearing her speak of her creation of the character – I ‘saw’ her and there was a depth I had missed.  It makes me wish we could have the artists who connect with their characters tell us what they feel is at the heart of their performances because I believe it brings us closer to them.

Can you tell me more about Wahkatiiosta? Your speaking voice for her was gravelly and set- it gave me chills- what was your influence for that? I had just spent a couple of days in Montreal before flying to Scotland meeting the director (Sonia Bonspille Boileau) and my co-stars for the Indy feature I shot last summer (Rustic Oracle). They are all Mohawk, and oddly enough I played a Mohawk woman in that film as well. I tried to listen to their accents out on Kanesatake and Kahnawake (First Nations reserves in Quebec) and mimic them as best I could, and Sonia explained how it’s similar to French in some aspects…the “ongh” sounds, like when you say no in French  “non”…it’s somewhat nasal and they speak from the back of the throat. That helped tremendously. My friend Kim from Tyendinaga had translated all my English dialogue for my audition into Mohawk for me. After spending weeks studying our Mohawk lines with our translators and cultural advisors, Wahkatiiosta’s voice just sort of came out that way. Sometimes the characters I portray surprise me as they emerge. It’s like they have a life of their own and Carmen is just the vessel.

And what a badass fighter!  The scenes where you were fighting your Mohawk family to get Roger and his family out of the village may have been visually dark but the fighting scenes were awesome. It really looked like it would be fun to do. Can you tell us about those sequences? I was super excited to do my own stunts for that! I did have a stunt double just in case (Cherie Shot Both Sides was on stand by), but we are quite different body types, so if I had felt uncomfortable doing stunts it would have been obvious it wasn’t me!  But, I was game! Our first take running from the “idiothut” as I’m leading the group was interesting. Our director Stephen (Woolfenden) said during rehearsal “make sure you’re looking back to make sure they’re behind you”…so, first take I did. I looked behind me as I was running, hit a tree stump, or root, or something and down I went! I bailed. I think Sam almost tripped over me! 😂🤣  I wish I had that moment actually…maybe they have it in a blooper reel somewhere…

Watch Carmen get some direction for her badassery with this exclusive BTS video.

The last we saw Wahkatiiosta, she was banished from the Mohawk. To me, this could be an open door for her return to the series.  Since she is a character created for the show with no storyline laid out for her that we are aware of. Would you be open to reprising the role at a later date? OF COURSE, I WOULD!!! I would absolutely LOVE to go back…yes, Scotland is amazing, and it’s always great to be working, blah, blah…but, I really miss everyone I worked with. And Wahkatiiosta is such a joy to portray…I’ve already mentioned she’s my favourite character I’ve ever taken on. So, yeah…I would jump at the chance…

Livin’ the dream. You were able to work with many of Outlanders main cast. Break it down in about a sentence for us what your thoughts were on them.call

I understand many of the actors/esses that joined you on set have worked together before or at least have knowledge of one another, what was it like to be all together across the ocean in this new place, doing what you love with people that you know? Yes…I had a number of friends there. Some I’d known for years, and some that I’d met briefly here and there. That was surreal. To be overseas on this incredible set with familiar faces. And, of course, we all became a little family…I still stay in touch on Facebook with a number of the background and stunt performers because we spent 4 weeks together…some of them had been there for much longer. Gregory Odjig  (who played Satehoronies) said at one point as we’re looking around our incredible Mohawk village, “We’re at work right now…in Scotland…that’s awesome!” 🤣

I have spoken to others that have said good things about Outlanders portrayal of the Native culture but I am interested in your take as you have appeared in many productions. How do you feel Outlander stacked up? I was uber impressed when I went for my wardrobe fitting and the costumers explained how long they had been researching the culture. Most everything was made by hand, and they showed me pictures of the stuff they tried to recreate. They went back as far as they could with what’s been documented, but of course, had to take some artistic liberties here and there for things that are too old to have any records of. They tried to be and were as respectful and accurate as they could be. Our translators/cultural advisors were from Akwesasne and were there to answer any questions we had. Of course, it IS television, it IS make-believe…it is a science-fiction show about TIME-TRAVEL! 😁 So, I had to let my guard down a little here and there and make some concessions. For example, I don’t believe a Mohawk woman would EVER abandon her child for a man 😉Also, Native people don’t speak that fast! I was constantly being told to speed up my dialogue (because they only have 42 minutes for each episode! 🤣) and I really struggled with that because Mohawk words (and, any Native language for that matter) take time to get out properly. So, I felt as though I was speaking in warp speed. I actually have a line that I speak to Tom and I feel like they sped up the tape! 🤣

All in all, they did a VERY good job 💖

Until I can create my own memories in Scotland *insert feel bad for Sherry here*, I live through other peoples adventures. What are some of your fondest memories from your time there? Hahaha…the fondest memory was throwing pillows out our hotel window to the boys below so we could have the most epic pillow fight in George Square! Running through the streets of Glasgow at night, pillows in hand, strange looks from everyone, cast versus background/stunts…there must have been about 40 of us. 🤣😂 It was beautiful. I did a live Facebook video of it all. That, and putting the cones on The Duke of Wellington statue.😉

OK, that looked like a crazy amount of fun. Those are some 3rd level pillow fights!  Click on those links so you can see for yourselves.  If you ask me…when Carmen is left to entertain herself, it seems she gathers up the boys and tells them what’s happening and how they are getting there. I need to mention, I really like her! You can also watch a lovely video she took while on an excursion to Loch Lomond with her friend and co-star Sera-Lys McArthur (Johiehon) by clicking HERE!

Carmen has an upcoming project, Rustic Oracle. MMIWG (Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women and Girls) has been a plague in our country that has largely gone ignored because of the systematic racism our First Nation population faces. I asked Carmen to share a little about her involvement in this movie.  Rustic Oracle was filmed last summer in Oka and Kanesatake. It’s finished and is being submitted to film festivals at the moment, with a theatrical release scheduled for later this year. I haven’t seen it yet but spoke to Sonia recently and she’s very excited to share it. 💕

It’s set in the mid-‘90’s, 6 years after the Oka crisis so there’s still a LOT of tension between Mohawk and non-native. Written and directed by Sonia Bonspille Boileau, it’s the story of a single mother (me)  searching for her missing teenage daughter, but told through the eyes of the 8-year-old sister (the amazing Lake Delisle). I jumped at the chance to shed a little more light on this epidemic in Canada and the US, that not enough has been done about. It’s not going to be an easy one to watch, that’s for sure…but, so SO important.

I think saying I am looking forward to seeing it would sound flippant. I certainly am intrigued.  Facing these truths is uncomfortable, especially for us not living in the communities affected. We stand on the outside, looking in. Very often, judging something or someone we know very little about. What do you feel, we as a society can do to improve our relationship with our first nations cousins? We assign ourselves proud when they perform in productions we love, yet we pay little attention to the troubles here on our doorstep. I believe listening to those who know is the first step. What can we do? That is a BIG, BIG question…that I don’t think anyone has an easy answer to. There is so much to be done in regards to reconciliation with the First Peoples of Turtle Island. It doesn’t help that this country’s racism is still so hidden and dismissed as non-existent…and further to that, we have a Prime Minister who used the mask of solidarity with First Nations to get elected but its now spitting in our faces. 

They love the celebrities, but shoot the troubled  Native youths in the head and call it “defending my property”, they claim that the culture is so beautiful, but let our dead sisters murderer go free…they steal our babies because Native children are worth more in the foster care system…they talk about sustainable energy, and let’s get rid of plastic straws because that will make such a difference, but they judge our people for blocking the pipelines trying to go through Native land, because…you know…economy…why is it always NATIVE land the pipelines are crossing? Because they wouldn’t DARE put non-natives at risk like that…

Wow…I just went on a rant…what’s the answer to all of this? Maybe acknowledgment is the first step.

When we read a message like the one Carmen shared with us here and feel shame, sadness, anger or yes, maybe even offence, that should be a sign to us. A sign that says we need to get on the right side of this.  I am grateful that she spoke the hard truth. This isn’t a simple political issue, it is a human one.

That is why I will continue to listen as long as those like Carmen, continue to talk. We need to learn because it is the only way we will grow. Be an ally.

That got pretty deep so – from one extreme to another. I end my interviews with pure silliness. Why? Because I’m a bit of a goober and after heavy stuff, I think levity is a good thing.

giphy-2

It’s called balance (source)

Carmen, as a Canadian you get the upper hand because you probably know what these Alberta goodies are but here we go anyway.

We, the ABOotlanders, have invited you to dinner and being the guest of honour, you get to choose the main course, tell us which one catches your fancy?

A) Moose Droppings B) Beaver Tails C) Prairie Oysters D) Taber Corn

What the heck???! 🤣😂  I’m going to McDonald’s… I LOVE THIS, the first time anyone has ever demanded an early checkout. This woman is my kinda people.  Definitely not prairie oysters…I’m not a big beaver tail fan…moose droppings I could probably indulge in…I’ve never had Taber corn, and I love corn…so, I’d probably go with that 😉

It was so great getting to know Carmen. She is one of those people you want to sit down, have a great meal with but know your food is going to get cold because you are too busy talking and laughing.

I am very much looking forward to seeing her upcoming projects and am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that we see her again on Outlander. #BringBackWahkatiiosta, that could be a thing right?

giphy-3

More Carmen? Yes, Please. (source)

Until next time,

Sherry (ABOotlander founder)