Home is not a place…it’s a feeling. – Cecelia Ahern. Introspection on Outlander S07 episodes 3 AND 4.

Cecelia, I couldn’t put it more accurately than that, so I borrowed the quote. It certainly is a blessing that words and feelings are meant to be shared. After all, we wouldn’t be witnessing some of the most beautiful writing TV has experienced. Whether the words are lifted directly from Diana Gabaldon’s pen or new ones formed from the bones, Outlander has levelled up in a big way. My husband and I conversed about this. Many series lose steam as they wind down; it feels like Outlander is growing more into itself. Evolving, growing. It’s following the path of a well-lived life. I think the reactions in the fandom to that shines a light on society. Those who evolve go through tough times, experiencing missteps along the way. We have those in our life that choose only to focus on those things, not see the value carried. Yet, if we decide not to cater to those refusing to see any good, then we, too, lose ourselves. Outlander, I believe, has never lost itself. It may have slipped a track or two, but they always managed to find their way back to the centre – having gained something every time. That is a testament to the people involved. It is a reflection of their growth.

The acting has always been top-tier that viewers get lost in the story. That acting also has been cultivated in an environment of support and care. We can tell by authentic interactions of the cast when behind the scenes and at events. The writing and direction of *chefs kiss* and, seriously, the visual effects are second to none. That’s why so many critical Coras get twisted into pretzels when they notice something not reflecting perfection. I try my best not to look at the comments on any social media post because of people and their right to their opinion, as that seems to get muddled by being shitty to their fellow humans.

It is one of the things people have learned about me. I have never been one to tear the show to shreds, even if it is something that doesn’t resonate with me or triggers deep feelings. I actively refrain from participating in those discussions where I feel I can. My mindset is that Outlander is my entertainment, and if I chose to focus on the things I didn’t enjoy, I would be focusing on the wrong thing. Our brains and bodies function a helluva lot better when we focus on the joy…that’s not fluff…that’s neuroscience and biology.

I was almost finished my introspection on episode 3 when I watched episode 4. I couldn’t deny the common threads that were woven, it made sense for me to compile the two.

Many people saw the theme of episode 3 as “home”. Where it went down another path for me, I don’t think we can truly feel at home unless we feel safe there. Safety means many things to many people, as we saw in “Death Be Not Proud” and as we moved to “A Most Uncomfortable Woman.” The women, in that episode – were the safety and, ultimately, home.

Roger and Brianna made their way back to Scotland. Home called them. Roger’s childhood home first and then Brianna’s ancestral one. The play between the characters shows their growth, not only as individuals but also a couple. When Roger’s joking with Bree about burning down the house, she laughs with him and leads with understanding and love. Back in the early days everything would be taken with negative intent and chaos would ensue. Now it seems they do the mature and kind thing and assume positive intent, which creates a balance of compassion.

Bree has a box full of letters from her parents, 200 years old. I would have torn through them like a kid denied sugar, but Bree, she wants to extend that feeling of safety. Her parents, in her heart and soul, remain alive as long as she has this connection. Feeling as if they will disappear into the ether… um…bad choice of words there…if she ravages every letter right away. The repeated grief that Brianna goes through is difficult to watch, yet it makes me think of how grief must have helped shape her as a human. Her mother was experiencing great grief while creating Brianna. These things matter in our life whether we understand them or not.

Brianna exerts her intelligence, grit and confidence in who she is to become a safety inspector. I love the irony. The interview and Brianna’s disregard for what is supposed to be – is not considered. She refuses, she does not feel safe in that submissive role, and those who have their own insecurity about her ability – well – they get uncomfortable, and frankly, that is a good thing.

Roger feeling like he was letting her down because he wasn’t the breadwinner came from a core belief that needed a kick in the ass. The way they navigated it…no… how Bree stepped into her power with compassion for her husband was beautiful. She didn’t lash out and get angry that these insecurities bubbled up. What she chose to do was face them and detract them with love and facts. Brianna became the safety to complete their home. Both nurturing and pragmatic. Hmmm, sounds a lot like someone we’ve known a while.

Safety on the ridge was destroyed with a dumbass and a strike of a match. With their house gone, it sets the Frasers onto a new course. The beautiful thing about Jamie and Claire is they have an intense security – as long as they are together. An incredible balance of love, support and genuine respect. They have proven they will sleep in the woods and feel at home together, simply because they have a sanctuary. That sanctuary is one another. This also transmits the same feelings of refuge to those around them. Their bond, their steadfastness and their commitment draw others into their circle.

It is telling, for it also does repel some. We can always see that their solidness threatens those without substance or integrity. (read BJR, The Shitstains- um, the Brown brothers, just to name a few) It is a valuable lesson for us all. If people are living in their personal joy and harmony as a consequence, we are offended by that…that is our mirror that we need to look in to see the cracks. Those cracks are not made by the people we hate seeing happy or doing good. They come from within, buried deep but accessible.

Claire and Jamie, no matter what they lose or which turn their life might take, find their safety in one another. As wonderful and as beautiful as it is…it’s pretty hyper-dependent. The couple has spoken numerous times about their deaths, leaving a feeling of bereavement in the air. If we know anything about Outlander, oh, and we do… foreshadowing like this…so subtle but I smell it like a hound on a mission.

Tom popped back up most unexpectedly. Claire’s facial reaction to that kiss of death is something I could live on for the rest of my days. It makes me belly laugh with the underlying feeling of “Tom…your idea of what women should be subjected to is buuuuullllshite!” The facial expression was a first-rate way to break down the scene and what had been happening with Tom. Something that we may have missed, but was apparent in Tom’s love for Claire, was she made him feel intact. Which is a form of security that he was lacking. His rage and anger at loving women who challenged him seemed to have faded to acceptance. It’s regrettable that he didn’t clue in much earlier to give that feeling to his children. That is what happens in life, though; lessons come later when we are ready to face our own pain. Then, and only then, can we try to repair.

Though the kiss didn’t affect Claire in a way she felt lost to her autonomy, she did feel pulled out of her connection with Jamie…which as we know…creates that feeling of uncertainty. The beauty of their relationship is, she was able to repair that quickly. It took reconnection with Jamie in the way of discussion and then, doing what Jamie and Claire do. Love one another, completely.

Two people lost their home. The Bug’s. First they were asked to leave their literal home, due to the deception that occurred over the French gold. Then, when Mrs. Bug was accidentally shot with an arrow via Ian’s bow…Arch Bug lost his home again and any semblance of safety.

The destructive thing about feeling completely untethered to safety means we are in danger and sometimes, we are a danger. Arch Bug went from mild mannered man about the Ridge to unhinged and focused on making Ian pay for his wife’s death. We see this in our society every day. It is very much because people don’t feel safe and their home – holds none for them. Their anger and their inability to cope with difficult emotions makes them lose touch with themselves and others. Often causing everyone around them distress.

I felt bad for Arch and Ian both. That is another thing society has warped our collective vision on. That there must be a bad guy and a good guy. When in reality, most times, bad guys are made into what they are because of the lack of love, support and guidance that they desperately need as a human beings to survive. Yes, Ian did kill Mrs Bug. Any one of us had suffered the loss of a loved one, it wouldn’t come easy to accept it was just an accident. We, of course, have all the empathy in the world for him, but as soon as Arch threatened to take away someone he loved as revenge, there was no more compassion. Even though everything in his life would point in that direction with such a turn being had. We don’t have to like, agree or condone payback to understand why people feel that way. Accepting that there can be two, what appear to be opposing views that we think are both right or wrong at the same time.

Our world is not black and white even if it can be predictable.

Ian’s fear of Mr Bug following through pursues him into the next episode. And like magic, so does meeting another uncomfortable woman. Ian’s regard and deep love for his Aunty Claire seem to have more to do with how she makes him and others feel. Maybe uncomfortable, though, that discomfort very often brings on learning something about ourselves or others. Opens us to newness and growth as a human. Rachel Hunter may be a Quaker, but she does not shrink nor tremble, and we can see this is what two men, William and Ian, find incredibly attractive. Let us add that it takes a certain kind of partner to love someone that challenges them in such an innate way. We are socialised to believe being uncomfortable is bad and must be avoided when veritably, facing this kind of discomfort is necessary for our improvement of self.

What is the point of this life if we don’t seek to break through the things that hold us back from being happy and finding our true home…within ourselves.

I hope you are safely at home, until next time,

Sherry

It is the MAGIC that begins the happily ever after.

That is the thing about feelings though? Isn’t it? We don’t always expect them, they can tap us on the shoulder and smack us in the face, when they are so visceral, they really pack a wallop. They are supposed to. That is what I am going to focus on this time…emotions. Not because this episode made *me* feel so many but due to how our Outlander family was expressing them…or not.

The scene we open with is cataclysmic. I assure you; Malva is going to get her own blog, she deserves it. Claires face was a perfect representation of the horror and disgust most of us would be feeling…(some of us…more than others) against the depravity of Alan Christie’s characters admissions.

Those who have never experienced trauma like this, first, I am so glad you haven’t. Coming back from it is a long and gruelling process. All of that trauma, until it is processed in a healthy way, stays stored as a warning in our subconscious, long after the danger has passed and it grows with us. Causing a variety of mental challenges and physical illness.

Let me swing back to how we experience the emotion of episode two. It is intense, resistant, and consuming but the most important thing that Outlander showed us was – the ones who were able to take a deep breath and move to the next place – FELT the emotion. It is important that we saw this and even more important than we implement it in our own lives.

The *community* that we choose in the healing of conflict/trauma of any kind is a vital piece of the puzzle. There is no repair or resolution in doing the emotional work on our own, if we try, it leaves us lacking and often, lost. Like Fergus, last season…the longer he isolated himself with his sorrow and shame, the worse his mental state became…the moment he allowed someone to console him…repair began.

The moments we needed the most consolation watching Outlander during THPOE were plentiful. It started straight off the top. Hearing and seeing the terror that was Malva’s life was brutal yet, as someone who experienced childhood sexual assault, this show once again highlighted the inner world of the victim not the act itself. This is meaningful, for those who suffered at the hands of another. It says “We see you.” That is likely why those who haven’t faced the healing or those who have no idea what it is like to go through something like that, are always so angered by the presence of sexual assault in this show. It is a way to ignore that it happens far more frequently than we want to face. It is in these ways, with shows like this that help give victims a voice beyond their own. “We aren’t going to gloss over your experience for the comfort of those who don’t want to see the reality of your world.”

I shed those tears in empathy and particularly gratitude.

We moved straight into hope filled tears, didn’t we? Brianna giving birth to wee Mandy was incredibly portrayed. I am so glad to see the truth of childbirth depicted. It’s not about the comfort of anyone but the Mamma, midwives know this but modern (I use the term loosely) medical practices have shifted to focus on efficiency and the comfort of those in attendance. Backward af. The tears we shared during that moment would depend on our own life experiences. A portion will have cried because they have never had the experience portrayed on screen, others cried because they have and they can no longer hold that child and those who are brought back to a moment or something they desire or miss. There will be a number who have no idea why it impacted them, those secrets are locked deep in their subconscious. One day, perhaps be unlocked with conscious intention.

When we see Jamie whispering to wee Mandy in the barn…this is another emotional moment. We feel for Jamie, that he missed doing this with his own daughter, those emotions stir something that is longing for that connection, in us. Feeling those emotions is necessary. The scene changes to Claire, also connecting with Mandy and then, we see it. Something is wrong with the baby causing fear and worry to bubble up. This is something most of us can identify with. Worry about a loved one? Feeling helpless because we are not all doing and or all knowing. The expectation we place on ourselves and others becomes unreachable due to our fear.

We have those moments in time, that come to life…both the things we long for and those we fear. The meeting between Brianna and William was surely one of those. Each character bringing with them something personal and private. William, as much as he adores the only father he has ever known is itching to grow into his own person. Brianna, likely believing she would never meet her brother face to face, searched his face. It harkened back to the “can’t you tell?” line she used when meeting Jamie. Everyone believing it’s best to supress the knowledge that would surely bring overwhelming emotions from William finding out his bloodline. Lord John, the consummate pragmatist, knows the goal is to keep up the pretence of the 9th Earl of Ellesmere. We often believe we are doing something for the good of another, yet, it’s the very thing that harms them the most. Another note on how we can never know someone’s inner world unless they share it with us.

The scene between long time best friends, Jamie and LJG was intense and intimate. Can I say how brilliantly these two men held the space for one another? Showing us that love and sadness come in all shapes, sizes and gender. There was one thing I heard across the fandom and it was “I wish they had hugged!” Yes…that is the repair we would love to get in on, at this time here are two men stretched FAR beyond what their era usually allows. Sharing their regard for one another, helping and ultimately protecting one another. That, to these men…was a hug. It didn’t supply the feel-good hormones a real hug does, but it certainly allowed them to feel what it is to be cared for. It is an important thing, love, no matter who you share it with.

The fireflies and Disneyland introduced us to the kind of emotion we reserve for those closest to us but perhaps should look further afield for connections like this. Jamie didn’t get to form any memories of his daughter as a little girl. All he has are moments like this, sharing stories of the way life was for her. Bree didn’t just tell Jamie about the things they had in Disneyland, she explained how it made her feel. The emotion and the magic. It is why Jamie asked if his time was disappointing. It makes a great deal of sense to presume this after hearing the delight and wonder in Bree’s recapturing of the childhood she recalled. He had only her account to go on, so hearing her tell him “You are magical to me.” This let him know, those feelings of warmth, comfort and happiness, she had for him, now, and would always. Just as she has those perfect childhood moments, her life since meeting him has been enriched. The knowing of such things, brings more love and happiness.

It makes me believe even more in the human capacity to accept such gifts. Opening ourselves not only to share the things we feel but to hear, accept and feel what others are saying to us.

We have dealt with many goodbyes on Outlander. I will say, this was the mother of all goodbyes. When I say mother, I mean it. If it were not for a mother’s love, this vehemence of love, protection and determination, the emotion we witnessed simply wouldn’t exist. Claire, knows who she is, and she is not a doctor or mother or wife as much as she is a human doing the very best she can. She understands her place in the world and because of that confidence and ability, she is able to make those difficult choices. Knowing telling Bree about Mandy’s heart condition and that someone in the future could fix it, but not her, not now…was selfless. Not something everyone would do. Some mothers would rather hold onto their control and try to manipulate the situation for their benefit, to avoid more hurt in their soul. It is when we see Brianna, following in her mother’s shoes that brings us to our knees. There are many parents who talk about how hard parenting children is, and yes, it can be trying, yet there are few who speak about parenting adults. They often still expect you to fix the things that you know are not in your control while wanting with everything you are to be sure they are happy. Though Brianna is now a mother, she is also Claire’s daughter, that attachment never goes away for a mother. It may change to a more secure and understood attachment, if we are lucky. It is having the ability to see that our adult children are their own person, with their own experiences and life while still being their safe space to come back to for love and support.

The thing about our mothers though, whether we like it or not they created us. Literally from nothing, to a living human person. It isn’t only what they ate and drank that made us who we are. It was their hopes, dreams, worries and stress. All of those pieces of them are interwoven into our neurology and genetics. Even considering Brianna is 200 years away, she carries her mother within her cells.

The moment where Claire is searching for comfort was powerful. What is so important about this scene is she was searching for connection. With Jamie and Claire, that connection often is shown in the form of sexual intimacy. What we saw this time, was so much more real and raw. There was a life/love lesson in this moment. The connection Claire needed was repair. As much as Bree is a part of her mother, having Bree changed Claire. It changes all of us, on a cellular level. As we are creating this whole new human, our blood, our bones and ligaments and most importantly, our brain changes. When it comes to saying goodbye, we feel this physically and emotionally. The best way to heal from hurt like this is with love. For ourselves, for those around us. Crying is our body’s autonomic reaction to emotional pain, doing that alone, leaves us feeling isolated and bereft. What Jamie did was exactly what all of us need, someone to open their arms, tell us to feel all those feelings. We shouldn’t stuff them down or ignore them because they take root in our bodies, feeling them is the only way we feel whole. Our emotions that go unprocessed or processed in an unhealthy way…always come back to haunt us.

I used to watch Faith if I needed a cry – well – Episode 2 of Season 7 has taken over that spot. The catharsis of a well-placed sobfest is highly underrated.

I am going to end this now, and deal with the tragic ending of “The Happiest Place on Earth” next time. Maybe.

SoSo much love to you all, Feel your feels,

Sherry

Sacrifice > / = Love

Outlander season 7 open hit me like a ROCK. Be it a quartz one, the one that is known for transparency and clarity. I am always pleased to see the Outlander writers weaving themes throughout an episode. This one was loud in many regards, but we also had the subtle whispers but the golden vein through it all was …sacrifice.

Sorry, I saw that GIF and I had to use it. Just laugh, get it out.

There is a quote, “Sacrifice is greater than Love”. The passage suggests that the act of sacrifice holds more significance or value than love. I would argue that one cannot and likely not sacrifice anything if it were not FOR love. It is either love of someone else or love of self. I don’t mean the societal bullshit of loving yourself being selfish. I mean, when we truly love ourselves, something modern society may say, but when we do, the resentment and backlash are strong. When we love ourselves, we do so wholly and freely. We accept ourselves for who we are, where and who we came from and understand that our perceived flaws are what make us human, not make us unlovable or bad. When we truly love ourselves, we show ourselves compassion, empathy and kindness. When we make it to that place, and for many, that journey is long, gut-wrenching and exhausting, yet, when we make it there, it enlightens us to the truth. Our love of self allows us a depth beyond measure to love and have compassion for others. More than we thought we did before. That is to say, we know that each one of us started with thoughts, core beliefs and even falsehoods bestowed upon us earlier than we can physically or logically recall, and if we are not afforded the same advantages or opportunities, we may never see beyond the things instilled in us so early on.

Those who love themselves don’t judge others for perceived flaws or what our society calls failure. This is a love without excessive ego but with a true understanding of what ego is, which is consciously healthy and humble. Knowing we are not *all-knowing* and every day can learn and grow comes from having done such growing.

Very few individuals in this world have not experienced some type of trauma – this is especially true for our imaginary friends in the world of Outlander. The poor buggers can’t catch a break to catch their breath. We, in 2023, are lucky. There is now the thing called neuroscience, so we know how trauma truly affects our minds and bodies and how to heal with the right tools. The tools for our Outlander crew are a bit rusty and decrepit, but damn, it makes for good TV!

We know…we know…

The first sacrifice we see being made in the episode is straight off. The Fraser’s sacrificing their peace of mind to their fear. The opening with Claire on the gallows, looking up to see Richard “DICK” Brown, shows us that her terror is leading her thoughts. Jamie, having lost Claire again, is on the hunt, fiercely focused on nothing else but locating that woman. Which means he and Ian both are sacrificing their own safety and the wellbeing of those who count on them. Sidenote: Brianna really should invent a location device to hook her Mom up with.

These people expecting the impossible from me.

Next, Claire sacrifices what little coin she has for some booze. SHOCKER! It’s always worth it when you are in a dank jail cell. Claire really shouldn’t go too long without… withdrawal can be a nightmare! We do our best to cope.

Roger nearly sacrifices his wife’s good will toward him by wanting to help Wendigo. This is a fantastic example of two people who have solid, understandable and both equally correct standing on a subject. It’s this foolish idea that only one person can be right in a situation and one always has to lose. That simply isn’t the way life is, though so many of us refuse to understand that another person’s perspective may be just a valid and strong. The true deciding factor, I believe is Roger understanding that the cost to Brianna was too great. Though they both held trauma that was shaping their opinions on this subject, it seemed that Roger knew that he still could do something, without taking the chance that it might be the wrong thing. Prayer, over setting the man free. Knowing that Brianna would experience another trauma if she were to know this man that did nothing while her mother was brutally raped, repeatedly went free. Of course, Brianna connected to that as she too suffered a sexual assault while bystanders did nothing. To know Roger, let that man go, regardless of his intent, strikes a part of her that hasn’t yet healed. It would be like having an old scare torn open.

For those who are book readers know, in Outlander land – no good deed goes unpunished.

Yeah…they never adieu. To you or you or you.

We would be remiss if we did not look at the sacrifice of Tom Christie. This show has taken this man…made us hate him, kinda like him, hate him again and then…recognize his damage, and have empathy for him. I truly believe this was more about Mark Lewis-Jones‘ portrayal of this character than the writing…though one can’t really be had without the other. Mark Lewis-Jones, elevated that character., providing a dimension to him that I was unwilling to grant him while I read the books. I believe this represents us how our subconscious can form little walls in our inner world, we accept only what feels safe to us and reject the rest. Mark Lewis-Jones extended the character of Tom Christie by providing us with *his* inner world. It shows the power of connection and if we are willing to be open to others personal, deepest insecurities. Allowing us to know we are all fighting an internal battle of what we were unable to control in our development to the now, where we do have the control.

The level of grace and dignity he showed, due to his love for this woman that he could never have, was equal to Jamie’s. The difference, I believe, is Jamie knows he deserves Claire; they are one and the same…connected. He is acutely aware that he has earned her love in return. Where in the eyes of Tom, he is getting a grip on that piousness after meeting and falling in love with Claire. It seems he has began to understand, in bits, that is likely what has created him ending up alone. I feel like Tom wants this act to be his absolution, along with, of course, being sure Claire lives. Sacrificing one’s life for another is by far the ultimate sacrifice. Those who make it miss one important detail, though. The person we sacrifice ourselves for will need to live with that weight. Knowing they are the reason someone chose death rather than the knowledge of spending a life without them.

There was a life sacrificed, as far as we know, at the end of this episode. Bad, bad Richard Brown, baddest dude in the whole damn town… If you didn’t go back and sing that, our brains are very different. be grateful, this one is full of chaos not everyone can handle.

Back to ole Dicky boy…who seemingly was sacrificed for the greater good of humanity. That is a very basic representation, however. Jamie, noted by the dude who shat his pantaloons when he was told, “Yeah, not worried about your men, bruv…my nephew…the guy who is super pissed at you along with his Cherokee friends are tying up those loose ends.”, is indeed a good man.

Another ridiculous social narrative that to be a good person you must only do good things is ludicrous. Especially if that good thing is for a horrible human with no redeeming qualities. That is not to say I think we should go around killing people who are assholes and filled with hate, though we really need to stop tolerating them. Turning the other cheek and being the bigger person, what the hell is that? We already are the bigger person when someone else is a hate filled, rage charged fool. When they refuse to meet us where we are, if we don’t want them to believe silence in consent, in context, then we meet them where they are, with the language they understand. Their language is usually loud and only ends when they succumb.

The issue with people who mistreat others, harm them or instigate harm to be done believe our silence is not only consent, it’s encouragement. “Go ahead. Spread your vileness all over me, then my home – then work – then town – then country- then continent – then…globe.” It’s permission. They need to be denied. Denied a space and a platform. We do that not only by ignoring the individual but by actively speaking up against their unacceptable behaviour until they stop and or apologise for doing it. It will then be up to us to allow them back into our lives with forgiveness or choose our own path in life, with the lesson and the memories in store.

Jamie seems to have chosen the sacrifice of Dick’s life over the hundreds or thousands he has and will harm. Of course, Jamie didn’t have the benefit of suggesting to Dick he was a narcissistic sociopath that needs intense cognitive and developmental therapy. In the 1700s, the thing was…kill ém! We, as humanity, have come a long way. Unfortunately, society takes far longer to catch up and get on board.

The road that Dick paved with manipulation, deceit and a false sense of revenge… has appeared to be ended. Jamie believes he can live with this particular sacrifice as it most certainly did save his family and who knows how many other families from a danger that was unpredictable and had a false sense of calm about him. These are the most incipit threats as they bide their time and pounce when the most damage can be incurred. Society would do well to pay more attention to how/when, and why evil starts, and where it came from and rather than eradicate the behaviours after they have started. Changing the course before it begins. That is when LOVE, SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING come into the picture again. Rather than have us create humans filled with shame, hatred and vitriol – we create them to be confident and kind. The results would be revolutionary.

We, fans, will always watch Outlander with one eye firmly fixed on ourselves.

It is not a conscious behaviour unless we analyse our reactions to the events and characters. I, personally, have gone through a sizable and transformative shift in my life since watching Season 6. I only participate in open and positive dialogue concerning the show. That isn’t copium; that is a choice to not allow something I view for enjoyable entertainment (created by my fellow humans with complex inner lives) to become something that I resent or bring me any level of annoyance. In my circle, that only serves to bring me unwarranted stress. I will however, speak my boundaries and call out those hurting others simply for their *right to an opinion*. As a dear friend pointed out to me years ago, we can say what we mean without being mean. I wish that was a lesson I took to heart earlier in my life.

I have been away from the fandom for a beat… only participating with the local @ABOotlanders group, hyperPT on IG and the blogs/and the SIssues Outlander podcast .(featuring my sister and I. Currently we have seasons 1-5 and will be producing 6-7 soonish. All the other stuff I put aside for my own well-being. There is only one of me; after all, I have recently learned I need to take care of her first, or she runs out of gas/gets lost or lays on the side of a road in the foetal position. And those things suck, so I care for myself. I can’t express how that makes it easier to be there for those we love and the things we love.

What kind of trip will episode 2 take us on? Follow me to get notified when I write about it.

Sherry – that ABOotlander/beaver person.

Fear. My last ‘not a recap’ for Outlander Season 5. Never My Love.

Whether we were captivated or horrified by Outlander’s season finale, Never My Love, I believe we can agree that it had an impact.

I debated whether I would write about this episode, I also had an inner dialogue if I’d go my regular route of running further afield. Should I break my streak and face real talk? I have a rather, let’s say, intimate relationship with sexual assault and rape. I have spoken of it pretty openly.  In my 30’s, I spent time working as a victim services coordinator which gave me an opportunity to sit with, walk beside and rage alongside women in impossible circumstances. Rape should never be brushed away. It happens often in our society now, we know damn well it happened in the past. In fact, it happened so often that it wasn’t even considered rape. It was considered a right by the aggressor and a duty by the victim. I decided not to take a deep dive there, this time. Droughtlander is going to be long, I  do have some things I want to say and I will because I have plenty of time.

The finale was steeped in fear. I know we all have different ideas of what fear is. Motivational speakers like to say fear is “False Evidence Appearing Real”, and hey, I’m not knocking that mindset, hell, I have said it myself BUT when you have a boot being swung at your head that’s fucking scary and real, there is a legitimate reason to fear that.

Fear, like many things in this life – isn’t simple.

The series of events we witnessed were spurned by the deep-seated fears that Lionel Brown had. Before someone thinks I am defending that piece of flaming garbage, I am not. People act with violence ‘because of’ and Lionel was acting through his hate for Claire and everything she was/represented. That hate constructed a fear he felt powerless with. In order to gain some dominance he recruited and included other men. This gave him the impression of strength and control. All the while, his fear and hate continued to build because Claire refused to cower to him.

Sadly, we can see this in ourselves. Naturally, the degree that Brown hits isn’t the norm for most of us🤞🏻 . When we ‘hate’ someone, that is mostly predicated by a perceived threat (or because someone we trust has told us we should).  We may feel inadequate, powerless or somehow ashamed when we are exposed to them. Those feelings can cause us to lash out.

In Lionel’s case, they are exhibited in violent acts and rage. We aren’t complete misogynist slime balls so we react in a less vicious manner. We may be passive-aggressive, withhold kindness, gossip or spread rumours. It is a usual tactic to try and turn others against those who we have had felt threatened by, Lionel did exactly that with his men.

Lionel thought he had power over Claire when all along, she had power over him. Did it matter that Lionel’s wife refused his bed? No. He would beat her and raped her anyway.  Did it matter that Claire made eye contact with him and called him out on shooting a man in the back? Not really, her accusations held no water legally. None of these things truly changed Lionel’s life BUT he invented Claire being a personal threat to him. He created that narrative and brought his friends along for the ride because when we get others to join in our treachery it validates it.

giphy-12

The big bad girl scared all of them with her big brain.

Let’s face it, spreading hate is especially easy when the one person fighting against it, is bound, gagged, beaten and raped into submission. When this kind of fear/hate finds it target, it becomes emboldened and so do those who follow it. When their target falls they use this as fuel for their hate.

This is something that we see regularly. Those who are oppressed, have to fight harder, be louder and they are still consistently beaten into silence – yet – they don’t give up.  Those who are bullied, beaten, shot, denied work, incarcerated and forced to sit at tables alone…think about it. We see it on Outlander on a dramatic scale, when we travel to the other points on the spectrum, there you will find us. It’s the human condition and not all of it is pleasant to look at.

giphy-13

No matter what side we are on, it’s embarrassing to be ‘in’ this society sometimes.

The show writers made it easy to despise Lionel. We don’t really give a shit if he was afraid of Claire, do we? That’s his own shrivelled up masculinity, too bad he couldn’t keep it to himself.  All we wanted to see was that he and his buddies were punished.

The reality of that punishment, in this story, is that would also come from fear. I wanted to look at 2 of the characters that truly used their fear as fuel.  This is why being aware of the scope of emotion is so important, why looking at life in black and white can be dangerous.

Marsali and Roger both used their fear as fuel.  Marsali, has become aware of her worth as a women in a world that doesn’t especially find worth in her. This man not only threatened her and the child she carried by assaulting her, he tormented and raped her Ma. Brown was laying in the room with her, threatening to kill everyone on the ridge. Her experience with him tells her that he is not lying. These are not threats, these are promises. Marsali is not willing to live with this fear, she ends it the only way she can. I could hear the cheers across the Outlander fandom.

We have the ability to do the same in our lives. No, I am not advocating jabbing a big ole needle full of poison into someones neck, that’s pushin’ it.

Imagine for a moment, we have that person who is in our life that is constantly forcing toxicity into our life. We listen, take it in, allow it to seep into our days because we fear the fall out if we stop engaging.  I know many of us can relate to this, afraid to hurt feeling. Confrontation is hard. Yet, here we allow ourselves to go through the stress for a harmful relationship out of fear of hurting the feelings of someone we don’t respect or even like. We need to love ourselves more than that.

Roger. Deep down is a pacifist but his fear was clearly build from love. His fear was for Claire and her safety. He used this to push through his natural instinct to be a man of peace, to fight for his family.  We will find this with mothers and fathers regarding their children. It is why I was so happy to see Outlander utilize Roger in this way. His nature is not one of violence, yet, for his family, for the woman who is very much a mother to him, he will do whatever it takes. Even if it means stepping over a line that he will never forget crossing.  We have those moments too, we are so terrified, we don’t know if we can do something, yet we do.  Getting married, having kids, getting on that roller coaster, taking that promotion, buying that house, moving across the country, getting a divorce, getting help for that thing we don’t want anyone to know about.  No matter what it is, if we think it is worth going for, we will push through that fear and do it.

This fear thing, we all live with it. It’s an emotion that we can learn to manage, understand and even embrace.

Now gimme a HUG! We all need it after this season. Let’s try and get through Droughtlander without too many injuries, eh?

Sher xo

I’m not going anywhere during Droughtlander. I have some fun things up my sleeve so staytuned my Twitter account and this blog!

Our REDBUBBLE STORE is open.  You will find some fun #Droughtlander designs there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Predict the Future. What I picked up from #TheBalladOfRogerMac

I will say that I have started and stopped this particular ‘not a recap’ half a dozen times already.  I even wrote nearly a whole blog with another topic and trashed it. It’s not only because I was struggling with what to focus the blog on but because my thoughts were so all over the place, I had a difficult time wrangling them. I finally gave up and said, “What the hell, I’m just going to start…and keep going until I am done!” So, here we go.  Fingers crossed this shit makes sense at the end.

I don’t have to go into how emotionally draining this episode was because so many others have, I am pretty sure there is online debriefing amongst fans due to the mass breakdown. Which went in a couple directions. I usually pull on a thread that catches my attention in the episode and unravel the why.  This blog is a bit different than that.

The Ballad of Roger Mac came with loads to unpack, at first, I did struggle. I wanted to talk about control and how we truly have none except that over our own self.  I wrote about the breakdown of one’s spirit.  Nearly 1000 words in and I deleted the whole fucking thing because I was depressing myself. I did NOT need to feed to you – especially now. I closed my laptop and watched the episode, again.

Here I sit with thoughts of preparedness for the future. How that is more a concept than anything. We can prepare physically for what may happen but we are never truly prepared for how things make us feel. The wild, crazy ride of life that becomes intensely personal and all ours.

One way we can predict/prepare for our future is to assess our past.  We don’t have to be psychic or psychotic to think we can see what is in our future.  Our past behaviours in similar circumstances can lead us toward that vision.  Often, the lessons we may have learned from situations can be helpful to determine what actions would be logical (or not) next time around.

Roger is attempting to unload a wagonful of burden before leaving Jemmy and Brianna.  Thoughts of his father dying in WW2 enable him to picture himself in both his father’s shoes and Jemmy’s wee booties.  He is more concerned about Jemmy not remembering him than he is about dying.

Brianna knows Roger more than anyone.  She recognizes Roger’s pattern of behaviour. He puts his own safety in jeopardy to help others. “Act first, think later’ Roger. He has this horrible luck of not having a chance to think later because he’s been forced onto a ship, beaten silly, or tossed back into the idiot hut. You know, those things.giphy-3                                          We know, Rog, we know…

The worry Brianna feels as Roger heads out is not just because of the impending war but because she knows him to his core.  He is a pacifist, she knows he will protect those he perceives as vulnerable, putting his life on the line without a thought. Bree knows Roger’s future will be filled with the compulsion to intercede on behalf of those suffering. Which as we have seen, given the closing scene of The Ballad of Roger Mac, may cost him everything.

Caretakers, we see you.  Perhaps you aren’t as ‘idiot hutty’ as Roger manages but getting lost in moments where safety, whether physical, emotional or both are put aside in order to safeguard others, is commendable.

We are seeing this right now, all over the globe. Without proper PPE, tired and frustrated health care workers are going into work, missing their own families, to save the lives of others.  I promise you, the caretakers doing this, their families will tell you, it is no surprise. These caretakers have been reacting to situations their whole lives with little regard to themselves.  Their past predicted their reaction to this crisis, not the crisis itself.

Jamie has been on the wrong side of the law for as long as we’ve known him. In The Ballad of Roger Mac, we saw him move from the flimsy side of the crown to full-on rebel.  Given his history, this wasn’t hard to anticipate. In the past, he turned his body over to save his wife.  He plotted with his sister to give him over to the crown for the good of those at Lallybroch.  As an indentured servant, he extended his life as a stable hand to be around his illegitimate son. He lived under a pseudonym, as a respectable printer to distribute seditious material and smuggle contraband. Jamie created a life of playing the game in order to achieve what he needed or wanted.

Murtagh was a man who was always prepared to die for what he believed in. Yes, he hated the red coats and undoubtedly believed in the regulator’s cause. Above all, he loved Jamie.

It wasn’t the oath that made Murtagh save Jamie’s life or that made Jamie want to save Murtagh’s.  It was love.  Jamie had lost his father – he had killed his Uncle – Murtagh was the last man standing that could show him. Show him what, you might ask. The ‘what’ are those now unknowns that we can never predict. It is needing their guidance of having lived ‘the whats’ and their ability to share them with us.

Even at 50, such a loss isn’t easy.  It is like our foundation is shaken out from under us.  We believed we knew what the world was going to look like and then someone strikes it with a hammer to shatter it into dust.  How do we fix that?  Is it possible to reimagine it? Will looking back help us see the future here?

It is deep breath time. Acceptance that living through it is to know it.  This is the experience to learn from. This is the hurt from which we heal.  Healing does not mean getting over or moving on or any of the thousand clichés we use.  Healing means being present in our grief, giving it room to breathe while discovering our new normal.  Creating a space for a new relationship with those we have lost.

That is how we can predict our future after a loss. It’s never easy. It’s messy and it hurts. People on TV will go through it in hyper speed but us? We need to do it our way.  How we look at our loved ones in life can be what helps define that new every day we establish.

Claire, over and above, is reaching back into the past to straight-up create her future, hers is full of penicillin.  Technically she’s reaching into the future (but it’s her past – it can get crazy confusing – especially for me who is easily confused 😋).  Bringing her knowledge from becoming a surgeon further contributes to her life-saving abilities each day she spends in the 1700’s. There are lives she preserves simply by teaching folks basic hygiene.

How many of our ancestors do you think would still be alive if they didn’t have poop fingers? That’s a legit question, friends.

When Claire sees Jamie off to fight, their departure has a much different feel than Bree and Roger’s.  She is his wife, of course, she has concern for his wellbeing. Claire is also exceedingly pragmatic. She puts complete trust in his word to her.  In order to concentrate on what she needs to do, she puts her worry into his hands.

This tactic is one that many of us could learn from.  Especially chronic worriers. I know they are out there.

I am validating the incredibly difficult times we are in right now.  I am going to urge those struggling to go the way of Claire.  For those overwhelmed by worry about those they love.  Ask questions.  Do you trust their intelligence?  Are they capable human beings? If you answer yes to those. Trust them.

Tell them you are concerned and ask them to share their experiences with you.  We tend to get so carried away with random thoughts we disconnect from the reality.  Claire understands that Jamie has said, today isn’t the day we part for good. She trusts him and his words.  Claire focuses on the things she can control, which are medicine and healing. She can not control each outcome but she does her level best with what she has.  That is all any of us can do.

Imagine we could predict our futures to the letter. Having the information of when we would lose someone or we could foresee falling in love…we could never be truly prepared.  We might picture the physicalities of the situation however the feelings we experience will always be new. Emotion is the element that can not be nailed down.

Claire used her knowledge of how wounds are created, faced off with that skeezy Lyle Asshat Brown. She accused him of shooting Isaiah Morton in the back.  His manbaby ego is battered so badly he smashed her one and only syringe, like a toddler.  Keenly aware of the consequences of his actions, Claire is horrified into silence.

Jamie knew he would be battling against Murtagh in this fight.  He always knew there was a chance his Godfather could be killed, yet, when the moment came that he was. Grief took over.

Brianna wrestled with her fear that something terrible happened to Roger when he did not return to camp before the battle. She knew he was missing.  Her worry was colouring everything in front of her. When faced with her husband hanging from a tree. Shock overcame her.

Emotion. Emotion. Emotion.  It will often be the curve in the path to foreseeing what is ahead.  I believe the key is to feel whatever it is you are feeling.  Anger, fear, sadness or shock. Allow it to take its course, validate why it is there and know it’s all right. The less we suppress or deny our emotions, the sooner we move towards the future we envision.

I am sending you all love and hugs- virtual hugs because those I can give you, up close and personal.

Sher xo

ps. I try to livetweet every Sunday with W Network’s airing of Outlander at 7 PM Mt. using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

 

 

 

 

Before and After. Episode 4 of #Outlander and the thoughts that kept me company.

There is so much happening in season 5 of Outlander, it seems each episode flies by so quickly.

Last week hit a whole lot of nerves, as you might have been able to tell.  I spent many years working with victims of violence. I was only a footnote in their worlds yet they all have impacted me beyond words.  My ‘life lens’ focused it’s energy there.

While watching ‘The Company We Keep’ I was able to take a large step back to see it from the stands.  There were so many moving parts in this episode, I found all of them interesting, entertaining and I believe we can appreciate them as story building.

My mental thread was weaving through the characters and their stories.

We are seeing clear lines of their before and after pictures. I suspect we can define our own.

For some, it is a before and after

  • college

  • marriage

  • children

  • the death of a loved one

  • a traumatic event

  • a joyful event

  • physical transformation

You get what I am saying. We have those moments in our lives that define ‘breaks’ in who we once were and who we now are.  We were reminded of those moments numerous times with our Outlander family, both on the ridge and on the road.

I have this feeling that we will be looking at season 5 through the B.B and A.B eye. Before Brownsville and After Brownsville.  There is a very heavy feeling around that town, owned and occupied by the Brown family.  Dank murkiness doesn’t only describe the landscape but the patriarchy taking place there.

Roger became a Captain of the militia at the ridge, however, it was this trip to Brownsville where he discovered what being a Captain truly was. Its Outlander, nothing goes as planned. Roger was put in a position to test his improvisation skills. He didn’t botch the job, he went with what he knew. Whisky and song. 2 thumbs up from me.

As Brownsville is a tipping point for viewers, it is for Roger as well. Apart from the fact he was sent to escort Claire and the twins back to the ridge, it was in Brownsville that Roger became Captain MacKenzie of the Fraser militia. He was shot at, negotiated terms and announced to everyone within earshot HE was Captain MacKenzie. This was it. Remember that time in your life? When you had ‘that moment’. When you stepped up and into a position, you weren’t entirely sure about but once you said it out loud, it was finally real?

Josiah and Kezzie, those boys have obvious before and after pictures.  The before was dark and filled with the pain of neglect and abuse while the after is yet to be seen. We know though, not because of the books, because any life after what they have been through will be better. Especially in the hands of those on Fraser’s Ridge.  Picture having a ‘Family lottery’ and the Fraser’s are the grand prize – yup – Josiah and Kezzie won, big time.  This is most assuredly a case of they deserve this win.

 I will wonder out loud for you. Where do you believe Jamie and Claire’s collective ‘before and after’ is? They do have important ones in their lives, individually and together that have shaped the humans they are now.  I am curious about what YOU think.

In my view, one of Claire and Jamie’s largest before/after pictures is ‘before Bree showed up in the 1700s and after Bree showed up in the 1700’s’.  Their relationship shifted to a new level.  They started seeing one another differently and the dynamics in their relationship varied more than we had seen previously.

I’m interested in your take. I hope you share it in the comments.

We have seen Brianna through some darkness and each week, the looming knowledge of that SunnuvaBonnet is out there. Inching closer. This version of before and after of Bree will not last forever, however, the foreseeable future we have Bree before Bonnet and after. Bree was always determined and filled with a fire that wasn’t easily put out. Those things haven’t changed.  Her ‘after Bonnet’ self is turned up for lack of a better term.  She is hyper-aware of her surroundings, it seems as if she wears part of her inside on the outside. Feel things sharper, sees things in higher contrast and hears in higher pitches.  To those living on the outside of Bree, they seldom seem noticeable, as she is undoubtedly doing her best to keep on the inside. This task of hers is particularly painful. Essentially, the nerves are on the outside while being covered by a sheet of thin muslin that is only protected by her ability to keep it from slipping off.

Those who have suffered a trauma, such as rape, know that the assault itself is different than the post-trauma.  That it goes beyond the physical and the initial emotional damage that was done. Brianna may have worked through some of hers in the time between believing SunnuvaBonnet was dead and finding out he was not.  The latter would be what we call a triggering moment. Triggers are very real and can bring us immediately back to our traumatic event, sometimes causing the process to start all over again. Brianna overhearing Bonnet was still alive builds the real fear is that he will attempt to find her in order to get to Jemmy. We can only hope that Bree shares her anxiety with those who care about her.  I have said it before, just because we can do it alone, doesn’t mean we should. 

I can see many Outlander viewers relating to our ‘after Bree’. Living with the agony of sexual assault in any form can be overwhelming.  We may be comforted while watching, being reminded we aren’t alone. There is also the possibility of being triggered, seeing our own traumas reflected back at us. The only true advice I have is, take care of that piece of who you are. Nurture them. Remind them they deserve kindness, compassion and love.  And then…give it to them.

We all have our ‘before and after’ stories. For some, there are many, lives being in a state of constant change.  Others have that moment that created such a shock it sent them spinning and there is no denying it changed everything. Either way, we become who we are not only as a result of what happens to us but how we process/see/react to it.

It is my hope that we all take the time to cherish who we have become. We are worth it.

Sher x

I still do try to LiveTweet with the W Network 7 pm MST airing of Outlander using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN (missed The Company We Keep) but have high hopes for next weeks, Perpetual Adoration!

 

Are we the villain in someone’s story? A self-examination after ‘Between Two Fires’ S05E02

Between Two Fires, has brought us a very different look than the first of the season. Basically, shit is getting real.  Once the final scene cut to black I said out loud “What? That was an hour?”  You know by now, I don’t do recaps but I do take something I noticed in the episode and dissect it.

Speaking of dissection – yes, I will be talking about Claire and her being elbows deep in Mr. F but I really think we need to start with Murtagh.

There were a lot of people talking about how they hated seeing Murtagh involved in the tar and feathering of political figures in Hillsborough. I was one, then I thought about it. Murtagh is the same man he always was. He decapitated Sandringham, ffs (we cheered), he cracked the skulls of MANY (also, cue us, cheering) and he has killed all manner of men.  We as viewers always saw the other people as the ‘bad guy’.  The villains.  We justified Murtagh’s actions and that was the difference.

This time, we didn’t know these men being tortured. The townspeople and the Regulators did. They know them as the political figureheads that took away their homes and overtaxed them. They are the elitists that live in luxury while they struggle to feed their families.  We sat back horrified that these men were maimed. The reason being, we had empathy for them. Whereas the Regulators, with Murtagh at the lead, were exacting revenge for themselves and those families. To them, completely justifiable.

This can open our eyes to our own worlds. How many times have we gotten into situations where people have thought of us as the ‘bad guy’ when we were only doing what we thought was right and/or the best for our family? We weren’t doing it against anyone but we were doing it for ourselves.  Some have a very hard time separating themselves from other people’s lives and understanding other’s decisions aren’t about them.

Jamie, for instance. The Regulator’s that were imprisoned, he freed them, they still questioned his motives.  They did so because they couldn’t wrap their brains around the fact he let them go because of his own conscience. His need to do something for what in his heart he knew was right.  Ultimately, he doesn’t care what these men think of him. What he thinks of himself is his paramount concern. He is mindful that he is a villain to these men. His willingness to be seen as less than, in their eyes, is what he is ready to do. For Jamie, the end justifies the means. I believe that particular phrase will play very heavily in Jamie’s story this season.

It has been my experience, “There are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle, lays the truth.”  This isn’t because everyone is a liar, it is because people naturally put their lens on and tell their story through it. It is what makes us…us. The story is our truth.

It does give me a chuckle when it is said, “They only told you their side of things”  Well, of course, they did, whose side are they going tell?  There will be instances in everyone’s life where relationships were ended because of horrible circumstances where someone was CLEARLY at fault. The interesting bit, I assure you, is both sides will claim the other to be the bad guy and the clincher will be convincing arguments from both sides. Will one be very skewed?  Unquestionably.

When we think of these instances, we would like to think we would be unbiased when it comes to seeing who is culpable.  Being completely truthful, we often side with the person we care about the most. This will be the one we feel the most empathy for. No matter what the argument is, the story they tell, how convincing the tale told, we will choose to trust the person we want to, not always the person that is right. That is one of those horse-pills to swallow.

A very small moment in ‘Between Two Fires’ gave us a situation in which we can see this clearly.

A man, with his family, taking a break from travelling and stretching their legs. On the road comes a huge group of mostly red-coated soldiers. Not a word is exchanged but the soldier near the head of the pack throws coins at a child’s feet. Insulted by this action, the man spat in the direction of the soldier.

From the man’s perspective. This soldier does not know him or his family’s circumstances,  the assumption he needs or wants the soldier’s coin is insulting. To throw it at his child’s feet takes it a step further to be degrading. This is why the man spits in his direction. It tells the soldier what he thinks of his ‘charity’.

  • Others in this man’s shoes (even Jamie) would feel this insult and understand why this man would be upset by Lt. Knox’s actions. Some may even say they would have done worse than spit at him.  We know the bravado society puts after the fact.

From Lt. Knox’s perspective, a poor helpless family is needing assistance so he tossed them some coin he had on hand. It obviously wasn’t enough for them and the father spat at him. It was ungracious and disrespectful.  His obvious generosity was a caring act to be commended, the man and his family should have thanked him for this good deed.

  • The soldier’s and elitists in Lt. Knox’s company would see the situation exactly as he does. The reason? a) the soldiers because going against what their commanding officer says can pose a problem, so follow and agree. b) seeing themselves doing the same thing Knox has done, would feel exactly the same privilege.

The truth…

Lt. Knox is as thick as a brick so he is offended that this man couldn’t see his generosity. He was literally so high on his horse, he missed the fact this family was asking for nothing. He saw himself as superior to them and he chose to give them money.  Not just ‘give’ it to them but throw it at their feet. This was not an act of kindness but more an act of power.  Expecting thanks and accolades for such a deed is pure arrogance.

There are small instances such as theses in our everyday. Telling someone to smile, not saying excuse me when we bump into somebody, moralizing and proclaiming to others “I don’t see colour”. Sure, using the word “villain” does seem extreme, however, things like those mentioned can really mess up ours, or someone else’s day. The examples were more along the lines of being the type of person that makes others feel better when we aren’t around. Micro-villains, I prefer that.

My mother used to say “If it quacks…it’s a DUCK!” She didn’t waste her didn’t time with “if it walks like a …” stuff.  We know on Outlander, the whole “People show you who they are,” adage can be tricky.

Take Claire, she is working very hard to bring her knowledge of modern medicine into the past. Whipping up concoctions of this weird sounding ‘peniwhosiwhatsit’ that is supposed to cure all sorts of sickness. (I know what it is, I’m pretending to be from the 1700s and hearing the word…work with me)  You can imagine what prying ears might hear. Or, lawd-have-mercy, what they might see. Like the body of a man that apparently was buried, now with his chest cracked open and his giblets laying all over the place.

Claire’s acutely aware that what she is doing would be seen as sacrilegious, macabre and downright inconceivable. Which means, Claire, our heroine, the matriarch of Outlander if standing in the middle of her community being 100% herself would be 100% a villain in the eyes of those around her.  Given the people, the times, their education and knowledge of things that are – their perception would be altogether accurate.

Mrs. Bug thinks the woman is mad, hoarding all this bread to make some magic medicine! Imagine if she saw this poor chopped up man in Claire’s surgery.  What we have to admit, unless you truly love Claire, understand what she does, how legitimately intelligent and medically knowledgable she is, the things she does in the world she lives in would never be perceived as anything BUT evil.

Hard to wrap your mind around it isn’t it? Thinking of Claire as a villain.  While you are giving a go at those mental gymnastics, I want you to think of this – Stephen Bonnet as the hero.

WHAT THE ACTUAL F??? Yeah, me…I said that. I know…I know.  We all know how deplorable the man is and of course, he is a villain. The worst kind. THE villain.

The truth of the matter is, Bonnet doesn’t think so.  Get what I am saying?  Most people who we see as villains have no problem at all seeing themselves as heroes. They have zero qualms with excusing their behaviour as justified and often blame others for forcing their hand.

This describes Bonnet. Seeing him in Between Two Fires sent shivers down my spine. Yup, he has still got IT. That thing that makes your skin want to crawl off of your bones and run away from home. Every nasty thing that SunnuvaBonnet does, he justifies.

Rationalizing behaviour like this gives us permission to a) repeat it b) excuse it.  My point is, frequently those who so many of us see as the villain – will never see it themselves.  That is why they exist in the first place.  Those that have a measure of empathy and compassion – have the capacity to change.

As I sat with my own thoughts on this whole villain concept, I’m conscious of being the villain in other people’s stories. For some, I have made peace with that. It isn’t possible to alter their perceptions of me and for another, I don’t want that responsibility. I would rather be the perceived villain in our story than open the door to the chaos that created the situation.  For others, it makes me sad and embarrassed that I know I could have behaved in a different way. As a consequence, the story may have had a happier ending.

How many times have we justified our actions? Whether they were out of anger, self-preservation or ego?  I don’t know about you but my honest self says more times than I like to admit. Justifying something doesn’t mean we were right to do it, it only means we excused our actions at the time and painted ourselves on the “right” side.

The most interesting things cause us to sit back and look at the world, others and our own actions. This week it was this nugget of how we are seen through other’s eyes.  We can say we don’t care, some don’t. Some, care too much. Maybe if we were all just a little more aware, it would make us a little kinder to one another.

Boy, I hope I find something FUN to talk about in next week’s episode.  I am sure you do too.

Sher XO

PS – Don’t forget to join us as we livetweet to the W Network airing in Canada at 7 pm MST, using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

Silence can be so loud. What I ‘heard’ during The Fiery Cross. S05E01.

Wow.

That was worth the wait, wasn’t it?  Wedding, weeping and wtf’s. Outlander is back and it means business.

Even though many watched the opening scene over and over again in previews, it took on new meaning once we viewed the final moments of the show. (Yet another reason we fans should reserve judgement until we see all the things in context.)

We can appreciate the deeper meaning when the episode is complete. In the opening we see Murtagh, (beautifully played by Duncan Lacroix) upon his knee, giving his oath, taking the weight of the world from this young boy.jamiemurtagh

 

The episode ending with that boy, now a man, on his own knee, with the weight of the world back upon him.

jamiemurtaghjamie

Young Jamie said nothing to Murtagh as a child, yet, we knew the gratitude and the love he felt for this man.  When Murtagh and Jamie finally parted, there were no “I love you’s, I will miss you’s, I shall never forget you’s and all you have done for me’s.”  All of these, simply were. The silence between them was loud and busy with all of these things. With no end to the words needed said, best to say none. My poor heart came out of my chest and rolled around on the floor.

We can internalize the gravity of that particular parting. What makes me feel the greatest amount of empathy for Jamie is his loss of his protector.  Of course, Jamie is a capable, responsible and grown-ass man but don’t we all hold onto a part of the child inside of us? Especially those who have trauma in our past?  Young Jamie lost his mother and brother (not to mention the baby his mother lost during childbirth), this is when Murtagh stepped up and into that guardian role to Jamie. This is why the pain of having to release him of his oath was so painful.  Jamie didn’t want to. The child in Jamie still needs Murtagh whereas the man Jamie has become, can’t have him. Once again, proving LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

No matter how old we get, the protectors of our youth are chained to a piece of our very being.  I believe that child remains inside of us, never growing up or having the feelings/logic our adult mind possesses. As a consequence when faced with that loss, it is with our child’s heart, we grieve.  It explains why it is so incredibly painful when we lose those we loved dearly when we were children.

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The perfect visual.      Click for Source

Sam Heughan’s performance in this episode, as a whole was impressive. The last scene chewed me up and spit me out.

Murtagh and Jocasta – the fans lovingly call them #Murcosta. Didn’t we just get these two hot seniors?  They’re perhaps an unlikely pair but I do love them together. They offered one another a soft place to land.  Murtagh, after a lifetime of fighting, his guts/heart and mind are called to it again, this time he is in the driver’s seat. He doesn’t have time to be banging boots with Ms. Jo.  We know, they both get this. 

Jocasta broke the news, rather deliberately, that Duncan Innes proposed marriage to her. Murtagh seemed to be thinking ‘Good time to let her go without too much pain involved’, told her straight up he wouldn’t stand in the way of her happiness. This is where we can give Maria Doyle-Kennedy all the awards. The look on Jocasta’s face only altered in the slightest of ways, the slip of her fingers from his, without a word we knew that Murtagh was her happiness. She would have held on to him had he asked or given any indication that was possible. He didn’t and we felt that because of Jocasta’s silent but instinctual reaction. Maria Doyle Kennedy is so. damn. good.

Lord Yumm Gorgeous. Ummm, John Grey. Excuse me. I get confused, my LAWD that man is beautiful! David Berry is my favourite produce.

We didn’t get to hear too much from him in the episode. That is the whole point of this blog though, isn’t it? Those silent moments that were captured throughout the wedding are what touched us. Unrequited love is something most humans can relate to.  We know that LJG loves Jamie ergo whenever we see him alone and silently observing it can be painful. We know even if he did find love with someone, he would never be able to openly express it. Thanks, backwards 18th-century small-mindedness! 🙄 LJG is intelligent, pragmatic and above all, he knows where he stands with the Fraser’s. He is quite the extraordinary man who allows his own feelings to take a back seat to be the best BFF to them all. 😍

Our last moment had LJG next to John Quincy Myers,  with the latter passing out cold beside him – which was hilarious. The juxtaposition was Lord John, sitting alone in the dark, drink in hand. This wasn’t funny or fun anymore. I felt the urge to cuddle him. Not just because he is a scrumptious yummy bite of sweetness. It was a sad silence that I think many of us want to fill for him.

Even though there are other moments, I want to focus the rest of my attention on Brianna.  Her quiet demeanour, in the beginning, was beautiful and what so many brides go through on their wedding day.  Her silent moments built her strength in this episode. Oh, I know, people may want to slap me for saying that.

Here is a woman, carrying her pain in silence. The question is why?  Is she carrying it in silence because she doesn’t want to burden others with it? Is she carrying it in silence because she has already done a lot of the work and now, she is continuing to process? Is she learning how to function with these emotions? Is this yet another step in the healing of PTSD that comes from being a victim of sexual violence?

We or Brianna can feel safe in answering yes to all of those and would be 100% accurate.  Some may argue, “That is what family is for”, “You need to share with your partner”.  Those arguments can both be defended with  “We do and we don’t”.

We try to do what is best for our own healing. Taking a moment to catch our breath when we have an instance of recall or a panic attack when we need to get back to things, that’s exactly what we should do. That is what Brianna did, she found something/someone that was going to center her. Jemmy. She picked him up and held him close. If his little hand patting her back didn’t clench your heart, I would double-check to make sure yours is workin’, just saying!

I was privy to conversations saying Brianna didn’t get to enjoy her wedding night but I would like to give another perspective on this.

Bree had a moment during her wedding evening when she was facing an instance of recall aka flashback, of her rape. It caused her panic, anxiety and fear. Like a tower of blocks, she was knocked down – just as quickly, she put herself back together. Hastily, maybe not completely steady.  The rest of the evening, she might have been a bit unbalanced nevertheless she allowed those she was with, to hold her up. First, Jemmy.  Next, Roger. There’s no denying the love in her eyes when Roger serenades her, the joy in her face when they dance and the passion when they make love. She wraps around him pulling him as close as she can get him. Brianna did take solace, comfort and love from her family. They held her together and she let them while they could.

When the silence became deafening, Bree lay there with only her thoughts.  On the outside there wasn’t a sound but we know damn well, inside that woman’s head there was noise. A lot of it.  We can only imagine how much.

There, in that noise,  is where I believe she is gathering her strength, not losing it. Is she in pain? Yes. This kind of healing hurts. Scars like this don’t show on the outside so it makes sense we rarely speak of how they feel while they are healing.  These moments are easier to open up and talk about after we have processed some of them ourselves.  Giving these thoughts to others isn’t an easy task, mostly because it is difficult to express things you are only beginning to understand yourself.

To assume that Brianna wasn’t capable of feeling love and joy in the same evening as she experienced pain and healing is to accept Brianna is a one-dimensional person. This implies she is incapable of complex emotions and that theory goes against almost everything we know about this character.

We have to keep in mind, this isn’t the beginning of Brianna’s healing journey. We are walking through it with her.

I applaud Sophie Skelton and her attention to Brianna’s thoughts, subtleties and mannerisms during this process. Her character’s life is always moving forward while she is still healing and dealing. It is a balance and Sophie’s interpretation is en pointe!

What I am going to say now isn’t about Bree but about us humans overall. Many people keep their secrets locked inside because they are aware of how the people in their lives will react.

Common reactions when difficult news is shared;

  • feel sorry for them and pop them on the “I’m worried about you” track
    • this causes them more anxiety because they now worry about someone else worrying about them. The fear of becoming a burden comes true
  • take what they have said personally, get upset or angry (with or for them)
    • this causes more hurt because they will now feel they have to defuse this situation or make things better for others
  • to get involved, try and fix it
    • if they wanted someone to interfere that would have been their first request. Also takes the power away from the person with the problem, they may fear losing control and why they were hesitant to share

We should always let those we love know we are there. No judgements, no advice, just a hand to hold or lots of chocolate to give. “I know something is bothering you. I don’t need to know the details. I only need you to know I have chocolate and hugs. You can choose to tell me what is going on or you can tell me what you need me to say to you, I am here.”

And if they just want to be silent. Trust them but still listen. As we learned by watching The Fiery Cross, that silence still can speak to you.

Sher xo

I would love to hear how much you enjoyed the first episode of season 5! See our live tweet stream by following #OutlanderCAN  on twitter.

**Watch this space for a very special blog with a lament worthy cast member. COMING SOON.**

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BADaptations #Outlanders on the bright side.

I need to have a little fun. The whole world is NOODLES N NUTS!

We are on the countdown for season 5. Everyone is getting antsy. There is a lot of activity on the Outlander Starz accounts. W Network is gearing up for us Canadians. I’m doing Meme reruns getting jacked for the live tweets every Sunday night followed by, what I hope are some interesting blogs.

For now, I’m going into Imaginationland.  There is always a lot of discussion in the fandom about deviation from the books.  If you have read my blogs before you know my stance on the books vs the show. There really is no vs. for me. They stand alone.  I have been reading the books for 25 years, pretty much know them inside and out. The show has to be a different thing, so I can fully enjoy the experience. Others do it their way, that’s cool. That is what makes the world go ’round. Well, that and gravity sciency stuff.

We have all seen movies, tv shows and mini-series created from books that have been slaughtered by the production company once they had the rights.  I still see people claiming that has happened to Outlander.  I disagree with those assessments. Here, I am going to show you what I envision a REAL slaughter looks like.

 

 

This is a GAG blog. A few things I have pulled out of my thinker that Outlander’s writers COULD have done if they so chose to. I’m not sure everyone is aware they could have done whatever they wanted and still had an audience. It may not have been you or I but it would have been someone.

I recall, in the beginning, many claimed Ron D. Moore and the writers had a love affair with Frank. They percieved this odd amount of empathy was given to his character and with too much screen time. He was Claire’s husband, it made sense to me to show his story, however, if they REALLY loved Frank so much they could have made him a much bigger part of the story.

What if? What if at the moment when Frank and Claire were at the stones at Craigh na Dun, appearing at the same time (200 yrs apart), the power of her desire to see him PULLED him through the stones?  Before you say that never could have happened. The writers are all-powerful in their storytelling. They can make anything they want, happen.  We are just lucky they didn’t.

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We all recall when Jenny was nearly raped by Black Jack Randall. Remember the nasty gossip that Dougal told Jamie?  That Jenny had a child as a result and BJR was the father? That would make for a juicy storyline, wouldn’t it? Almost too juicy for writers to pass up.

Here we could be, Jenny has BJR’s child. Ian still marries her because he loves her and raises the child as his own because that’s what the men on Outlander do, right?  BJR comes to Lallybroch frequently trying to steal the baby, it’s an added side story.  Oh, you know – extra drama! Most writers on TV want drama above all else and this story has years of drama written all over it.

giphy-11It didn’t really happen. Shh…

Ron Moore is currently involved in a super cool show called For All Mankind. The series explores an alternate history showing what happens if the space race never ended and the Soviet Union succeeded in the first manned Moon landing. Let’s put Outlander in that same headspace, shall we?

Since we are clearly aware Mr. Moore isn’t afraid of taking chances, like changing history. We should probably be happy that he didn’t get that itch out of his system with Claire becoming the ‘time traveller that could’. What if that became part of our epic new drama? Hmmm.

Culloden? WINNING! Bonny Prince? Bonny KING, thank ya, kindly. Jamie, no prison for you! You and all the Scots that battled so bravely now have your independence.  That’s a story for the ages, is it not? Yes. This could have been a thing and people would still watch. There would still be blogs. They might suck but they would be there.

I see folks on SM insist that Outlander writers have never read the books. Even though the writers have discussed their process many times of using the books as their outlines. If they never read the books or used them as a reference we could be looking at some crazy shit.

Imagine this. A new writer pops on the scene that has no idea what Outlander core stories are and they decide this –  Frank takes Brianna to a park for the afternoon. The park has this strange rock formation beside it, Brianna is skipping and playing around the rocks. One moment everything is fine and the next moment, she is gone! That’s right, Brianna has travelled through time as a 6-year-old! Frank is now forced to believe Claire after all this time.

That kind of storytelling would match the comments that production on Outlander has gone so far past what the books are about, the story isn’t recognizable.

I could have gone on and on with badaptations for days, it was kinda fun, to be honest with you. I bet some of you reading have ideas of your own. Drop them in the comments and we can have some laughs!

I do admit we all perceive the characters and much of the heart of the stories with our personal filter and biases. That is a completely natural way of enjoying or having contempt for what is happening on screen.  I hope we can look at the brighter side of our experience with Outlander’s adaptation. Yes, there may be some stuff that grinds our gears or twists us up. I most certainly do not take anything away from that. It’s natural for some peeps to fan that way.

The whole point of this little blogscursion. There are some downright horror shows of adaptations. BADaptations.  Granted, those badaptations are creations by people far more talented than I am. Everyone has a vision. I am sure there are people who will love those adaptations just as much as those who don’t.

It is my opinion that Outlander is a RADaptation. (Yep, Gen X’er here)

 

 

I hope you all have a FANtasticalamazirifisome day!

Sher xo❤

 

 

We are OBSASSENACHS because they want us to be…

and to be perfectly honest, we’d have gone willingly. Many of us were sitting here, waiting for someone to come along and make this happen.

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I recently watched a marketing clip of how to sell in today’s ‘go go go’ society and it was how all entertainment works these days. I wanted to sit down and put an Outlander spin on it.

Look, we have a little over a month left of #Droughtlander. I would like to spend it in a bubble because the real shit out there is making me tired. I need to turn it off every now and then if I want to stay relatively sane-ish.

Here were the marketing rules:

TURN CUSTOMERS INTO FANATICS –  The viewers are the customers and CHECK! We are fans aka…fan addicts…fanatics.

PRODUCTS INTO OBSESSIONS –  The product is the show and all the goodies that come with it. CHECK! We never miss an episode, in fact, we watch them over and over. We buy all the copies, we buy all the merch, we donate to all the charities, we attend all the events. Yep. Obsessed is a good word. 

EMPLOYEES INTO AMBASSADORS – Conventions, Interviews, Social Media presence… the cast and crew that take part in these things. Those who engage. TADA! We have our ambassadors. We are tiny lil ambassadors ourselves when we RT/Share/Engage/Like. 

AND BRANDS INTO RELIGIONS.  Don’t scoff. Don’t laugh. People take their Outlander seriously.  (If you are deeply religious – may I suggest you read the rest of this blog with your funny pants on because it is all just shits n giggles from this point on)

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up n down n side t’side toss toss 

 

 

I have come up with 10 Outlandish commandments because I thought it would be fun and tie in, kinda…weirdly. 

  1. I am Outlander, thy epic show, thou shalt not favour any strange shows before me.
  2. Thou shalt not take the name of Outlander in anger or derision.
  3. Keep thy home quiet during thee Outlander hour.
  4. Honour thy Fraser’s and thy MacKenzie’s.
  5. Thou shall not be a twitter assholeeo.
  6. Thou shalt not commit snackicide during the Outlander hour. It means what you think it means. Sicko. 
  7. Thou shalt not verbally assault others during Outlander. Like not even a little. 
  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. That means don’t be a gossipy Gertie, ok? Two ears, one mouth. 
  9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours Outlander stuff. Be happy for them. That shade of green doesn’t look good on anyone. 
  10. Outlander is really just a TV show, here for thou entertainment. Enjoy the shit out of it. 

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No, Brianna. I’m just goofing around.

ANYWAY, on the whole, the Outlander fandom does exactly what it is supposed to do according to the world of promotion and marketing.

Sony, Starz, W Network here in Canada, the cast and many of the crew all play their parts. Some don’t like how they do it, that’s rather a matter of taste, personalities or whatever. They will continue to do what they do for their own reasons. We don’t need to know those reasons, we should assume they do it for the success of Outlander.

The same can be said for us, the fans. We play our part. Some might not like the way we do it BUT…thats what happens in this thing called life.  We feed the Outlander machine in our own way.  It doesn’t matter in the big picture as long as we have fun with it.  No matter if you are a twitter maven with thousands of followers, a controversial blogger that likes to debate or a fan that sits back and lurks wondering how the hell everyone keeps all of this stuff straight (I have no idea btw, I rarely remember who runs what account), we all maintain a piece of this crazy Outlander fandom.

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YES. This fandom is crazy. Good crazy for the most part. Like any massive collective of people, there will be drama, infighting, cliques and subgroups.  Those, however, are generally on the outlying rings.

The words ‘silent majority’ are a thing because – the majority of people who watch Outlander are silently enjoying it in their bubbles at home.  Outlander has a global audience that is growing every day because of streaming services, most will never bother with social media beyond a few likes or searches.

Those who are out here with our voices should try our best to use them for good. Whatever that looks like to you, go for it! Have fun with it. There are groups out there that support the actors. All the main cast members have fan groups on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Not just one but multiples. The reason being, different personalities gravitate to one another. That’s cool because you will then find people like you that love the same cast members you love.giphy-8

Richard Rankin is a great example. I am sure he has a twitter handle for nearly every body part and one in every region on the planet. Example: Rankins Dimple. PLEASE do not see this as a personal challenge to create ALL of Rankin’s parts. (Roger’s pit hair, Roger’s thigh bristle,Roger’s man pelt…) Shit, that might have just given peepsmore ideas. 🤣

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There are great content creators that share their love of the show. Videos that blend songs with scenes, that help us relive beautiful moments. Check out Julia on YouTube if you haven’t already. She has the instinct of bringing the music and the heart of scenes together to recreate the story in another setting.

There are also edits by King Fireman on YouTube, his videos are masterful creations of scenes brought together to weave you through a retelling of the story. You need to see them in order to truly know the appeal of them.

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Like, Abracadabra it’s so awesome, magical

We also have a number of fantastic bloggers.  So many I couldn’t possibly name them all. I assure you there is something for everyone out there. You can easily go to your favourite blogs, check out their suggested blogs since like attracts like.

Get lost for hours on end by hitting up Pinterest. Search for Outlander fan art, quotes, memes and whatever else your wee Outlander heart desires. You will find the most amazing things along with a few that make you snort whisky out of your nose. Either way, a great way to waste an afternoon.

Ultimately, it isn’t our drama, negative nellies and infighting that get the attention of others.  That kind of shit just eats and thrives on itself.  It’s possible to not be a part of it if you don’t want to.

What ends up being a lightning rod is the laughter, the good time fans that run around with their t-shirts over their heads screaming about LJG and Jamie and Roger and Murtagh and and and… that get the attention.  The discussions about Claire together with her fortitude.  The conversations about Brianna, her rape, as a consequence the way women in the fandom connected, healed and supported one another that was truly heartwarming. Those are the things that people outside the fandom see and gravitate to.

I admit the way fans jump all over someone that merely mentions on twitter that they have watched Outlander and love it, it’s friggen adorable. It might be surprising to the person initially but think about how welcoming it is. Walking into what you think is an empty room and saying “Wow, that Outlander show was so good” then BOOM 200 people are welcoming you and telling you how wonderful it is to meet you and how you are their people.

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I for one…am happy to be a cog in this Outlander wheel. As long as it is on the air, I will be out here, promoting it. You never know what will happen after.

COME ON Feb 16th, us Canadians, watching on W Network have some #OutlanderCAN tweeting to do!

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Sher XO