Home is not a place…it’s a feeling. – Cecelia Ahern. Introspection on Outlander S07 episodes 3 AND 4.

Cecelia, I couldn’t put it more accurately than that, so I borrowed the quote. It certainly is a blessing that words and feelings are meant to be shared. After all, we wouldn’t be witnessing some of the most beautiful writing TV has experienced. Whether the words are lifted directly from Diana Gabaldon’s pen or new ones formed from the bones, Outlander has levelled up in a big way. My husband and I conversed about this. Many series lose steam as they wind down; it feels like Outlander is growing more into itself. Evolving, growing. It’s following the path of a well-lived life. I think the reactions in the fandom to that shines a light on society. Those who evolve go through tough times, experiencing missteps along the way. We have those in our life that choose only to focus on those things, not see the value carried. Yet, if we decide not to cater to those refusing to see any good, then we, too, lose ourselves. Outlander, I believe, has never lost itself. It may have slipped a track or two, but they always managed to find their way back to the centre – having gained something every time. That is a testament to the people involved. It is a reflection of their growth.

The acting has always been top-tier that viewers get lost in the story. That acting also has been cultivated in an environment of support and care. We can tell by authentic interactions of the cast when behind the scenes and at events. The writing and direction of *chefs kiss* and, seriously, the visual effects are second to none. That’s why so many critical Coras get twisted into pretzels when they notice something not reflecting perfection. I try my best not to look at the comments on any social media post because of people and their right to their opinion, as that seems to get muddled by being shitty to their fellow humans.

It is one of the things people have learned about me. I have never been one to tear the show to shreds, even if it is something that doesn’t resonate with me or triggers deep feelings. I actively refrain from participating in those discussions where I feel I can. My mindset is that Outlander is my entertainment, and if I chose to focus on the things I didn’t enjoy, I would be focusing on the wrong thing. Our brains and bodies function a helluva lot better when we focus on the joy…that’s not fluff…that’s neuroscience and biology.

I was almost finished my introspection on episode 3 when I watched episode 4. I couldn’t deny the common threads that were woven, it made sense for me to compile the two.

Many people saw the theme of episode 3 as “home”. Where it went down another path for me, I don’t think we can truly feel at home unless we feel safe there. Safety means many things to many people, as we saw in “Death Be Not Proud” and as we moved to “A Most Uncomfortable Woman.” The women, in that episode – were the safety and, ultimately, home.

Roger and Brianna made their way back to Scotland. Home called them. Roger’s childhood home first and then Brianna’s ancestral one. The play between the characters shows their growth, not only as individuals but also a couple. When Roger’s joking with Bree about burning down the house, she laughs with him and leads with understanding and love. Back in the early days everything would be taken with negative intent and chaos would ensue. Now it seems they do the mature and kind thing and assume positive intent, which creates a balance of compassion.

Bree has a box full of letters from her parents, 200 years old. I would have torn through them like a kid denied sugar, but Bree, she wants to extend that feeling of safety. Her parents, in her heart and soul, remain alive as long as she has this connection. Feeling as if they will disappear into the ether… um…bad choice of words there…if she ravages every letter right away. The repeated grief that Brianna goes through is difficult to watch, yet it makes me think of how grief must have helped shape her as a human. Her mother was experiencing great grief while creating Brianna. These things matter in our life whether we understand them or not.

Brianna exerts her intelligence, grit and confidence in who she is to become a safety inspector. I love the irony. The interview and Brianna’s disregard for what is supposed to be – is not considered. She refuses, she does not feel safe in that submissive role, and those who have their own insecurity about her ability – well – they get uncomfortable, and frankly, that is a good thing.

Roger feeling like he was letting her down because he wasn’t the breadwinner came from a core belief that needed a kick in the ass. The way they navigated it…no… how Bree stepped into her power with compassion for her husband was beautiful. She didn’t lash out and get angry that these insecurities bubbled up. What she chose to do was face them and detract them with love and facts. Brianna became the safety to complete their home. Both nurturing and pragmatic. Hmmm, sounds a lot like someone we’ve known a while.

Safety on the ridge was destroyed with a dumbass and a strike of a match. With their house gone, it sets the Frasers onto a new course. The beautiful thing about Jamie and Claire is they have an intense security – as long as they are together. An incredible balance of love, support and genuine respect. They have proven they will sleep in the woods and feel at home together, simply because they have a sanctuary. That sanctuary is one another. This also transmits the same feelings of refuge to those around them. Their bond, their steadfastness and their commitment draw others into their circle.

It is telling, for it also does repel some. We can always see that their solidness threatens those without substance or integrity. (read BJR, The Shitstains- um, the Brown brothers, just to name a few) It is a valuable lesson for us all. If people are living in their personal joy and harmony as a consequence, we are offended by that…that is our mirror that we need to look in to see the cracks. Those cracks are not made by the people we hate seeing happy or doing good. They come from within, buried deep but accessible.

Claire and Jamie, no matter what they lose or which turn their life might take, find their safety in one another. As wonderful and as beautiful as it is…it’s pretty hyper-dependent. The couple has spoken numerous times about their deaths, leaving a feeling of bereavement in the air. If we know anything about Outlander, oh, and we do… foreshadowing like this…so subtle but I smell it like a hound on a mission.

Tom popped back up most unexpectedly. Claire’s facial reaction to that kiss of death is something I could live on for the rest of my days. It makes me belly laugh with the underlying feeling of “Tom…your idea of what women should be subjected to is buuuuullllshite!” The facial expression was a first-rate way to break down the scene and what had been happening with Tom. Something that we may have missed, but was apparent in Tom’s love for Claire, was she made him feel intact. Which is a form of security that he was lacking. His rage and anger at loving women who challenged him seemed to have faded to acceptance. It’s regrettable that he didn’t clue in much earlier to give that feeling to his children. That is what happens in life, though; lessons come later when we are ready to face our own pain. Then, and only then, can we try to repair.

Though the kiss didn’t affect Claire in a way she felt lost to her autonomy, she did feel pulled out of her connection with Jamie…which as we know…creates that feeling of uncertainty. The beauty of their relationship is, she was able to repair that quickly. It took reconnection with Jamie in the way of discussion and then, doing what Jamie and Claire do. Love one another, completely.

Two people lost their home. The Bug’s. First they were asked to leave their literal home, due to the deception that occurred over the French gold. Then, when Mrs. Bug was accidentally shot with an arrow via Ian’s bow…Arch Bug lost his home again and any semblance of safety.

The destructive thing about feeling completely untethered to safety means we are in danger and sometimes, we are a danger. Arch Bug went from mild mannered man about the Ridge to unhinged and focused on making Ian pay for his wife’s death. We see this in our society every day. It is very much because people don’t feel safe and their home – holds none for them. Their anger and their inability to cope with difficult emotions makes them lose touch with themselves and others. Often causing everyone around them distress.

I felt bad for Arch and Ian both. That is another thing society has warped our collective vision on. That there must be a bad guy and a good guy. When in reality, most times, bad guys are made into what they are because of the lack of love, support and guidance that they desperately need as a human beings to survive. Yes, Ian did kill Mrs Bug. Any one of us had suffered the loss of a loved one, it wouldn’t come easy to accept it was just an accident. We, of course, have all the empathy in the world for him, but as soon as Arch threatened to take away someone he loved as revenge, there was no more compassion. Even though everything in his life would point in that direction with such a turn being had. We don’t have to like, agree or condone payback to understand why people feel that way. Accepting that there can be two, what appear to be opposing views that we think are both right or wrong at the same time.

Our world is not black and white even if it can be predictable.

Ian’s fear of Mr Bug following through pursues him into the next episode. And like magic, so does meeting another uncomfortable woman. Ian’s regard and deep love for his Aunty Claire seem to have more to do with how she makes him and others feel. Maybe uncomfortable, though, that discomfort very often brings on learning something about ourselves or others. Opens us to newness and growth as a human. Rachel Hunter may be a Quaker, but she does not shrink nor tremble, and we can see this is what two men, William and Ian, find incredibly attractive. Let us add that it takes a certain kind of partner to love someone that challenges them in such an innate way. We are socialised to believe being uncomfortable is bad and must be avoided when veritably, facing this kind of discomfort is necessary for our improvement of self.

What is the point of this life if we don’t seek to break through the things that hold us back from being happy and finding our true home…within ourselves.

I hope you are safely at home, until next time,

Sherry

It is the MAGIC that begins the happily ever after.

That is the thing about feelings though? Isn’t it? We don’t always expect them, they can tap us on the shoulder and smack us in the face, when they are so visceral, they really pack a wallop. They are supposed to. That is what I am going to focus on this time…emotions. Not because this episode made *me* feel so many but due to how our Outlander family was expressing them…or not.

The scene we open with is cataclysmic. I assure you; Malva is going to get her own blog, she deserves it. Claires face was a perfect representation of the horror and disgust most of us would be feeling…(some of us…more than others) against the depravity of Alan Christie’s characters admissions.

Those who have never experienced trauma like this, first, I am so glad you haven’t. Coming back from it is a long and gruelling process. All of that trauma, until it is processed in a healthy way, stays stored as a warning in our subconscious, long after the danger has passed and it grows with us. Causing a variety of mental challenges and physical illness.

Let me swing back to how we experience the emotion of episode two. It is intense, resistant, and consuming but the most important thing that Outlander showed us was – the ones who were able to take a deep breath and move to the next place – FELT the emotion. It is important that we saw this and even more important than we implement it in our own lives.

The *community* that we choose in the healing of conflict/trauma of any kind is a vital piece of the puzzle. There is no repair or resolution in doing the emotional work on our own, if we try, it leaves us lacking and often, lost. Like Fergus, last season…the longer he isolated himself with his sorrow and shame, the worse his mental state became…the moment he allowed someone to console him…repair began.

The moments we needed the most consolation watching Outlander during THPOE were plentiful. It started straight off the top. Hearing and seeing the terror that was Malva’s life was brutal yet, as someone who experienced childhood sexual assault, this show once again highlighted the inner world of the victim not the act itself. This is meaningful, for those who suffered at the hands of another. It says “We see you.” That is likely why those who haven’t faced the healing or those who have no idea what it is like to go through something like that, are always so angered by the presence of sexual assault in this show. It is a way to ignore that it happens far more frequently than we want to face. It is in these ways, with shows like this that help give victims a voice beyond their own. “We aren’t going to gloss over your experience for the comfort of those who don’t want to see the reality of your world.”

I shed those tears in empathy and particularly gratitude.

We moved straight into hope filled tears, didn’t we? Brianna giving birth to wee Mandy was incredibly portrayed. I am so glad to see the truth of childbirth depicted. It’s not about the comfort of anyone but the Mamma, midwives know this but modern (I use the term loosely) medical practices have shifted to focus on efficiency and the comfort of those in attendance. Backward af. The tears we shared during that moment would depend on our own life experiences. A portion will have cried because they have never had the experience portrayed on screen, others cried because they have and they can no longer hold that child and those who are brought back to a moment or something they desire or miss. There will be a number who have no idea why it impacted them, those secrets are locked deep in their subconscious. One day, perhaps be unlocked with conscious intention.

When we see Jamie whispering to wee Mandy in the barn…this is another emotional moment. We feel for Jamie, that he missed doing this with his own daughter, those emotions stir something that is longing for that connection, in us. Feeling those emotions is necessary. The scene changes to Claire, also connecting with Mandy and then, we see it. Something is wrong with the baby causing fear and worry to bubble up. This is something most of us can identify with. Worry about a loved one? Feeling helpless because we are not all doing and or all knowing. The expectation we place on ourselves and others becomes unreachable due to our fear.

We have those moments in time, that come to life…both the things we long for and those we fear. The meeting between Brianna and William was surely one of those. Each character bringing with them something personal and private. William, as much as he adores the only father he has ever known is itching to grow into his own person. Brianna, likely believing she would never meet her brother face to face, searched his face. It harkened back to the “can’t you tell?” line she used when meeting Jamie. Everyone believing it’s best to supress the knowledge that would surely bring overwhelming emotions from William finding out his bloodline. Lord John, the consummate pragmatist, knows the goal is to keep up the pretence of the 9th Earl of Ellesmere. We often believe we are doing something for the good of another, yet, it’s the very thing that harms them the most. Another note on how we can never know someone’s inner world unless they share it with us.

The scene between long time best friends, Jamie and LJG was intense and intimate. Can I say how brilliantly these two men held the space for one another? Showing us that love and sadness come in all shapes, sizes and gender. There was one thing I heard across the fandom and it was “I wish they had hugged!” Yes…that is the repair we would love to get in on, at this time here are two men stretched FAR beyond what their era usually allows. Sharing their regard for one another, helping and ultimately protecting one another. That, to these men…was a hug. It didn’t supply the feel-good hormones a real hug does, but it certainly allowed them to feel what it is to be cared for. It is an important thing, love, no matter who you share it with.

The fireflies and Disneyland introduced us to the kind of emotion we reserve for those closest to us but perhaps should look further afield for connections like this. Jamie didn’t get to form any memories of his daughter as a little girl. All he has are moments like this, sharing stories of the way life was for her. Bree didn’t just tell Jamie about the things they had in Disneyland, she explained how it made her feel. The emotion and the magic. It is why Jamie asked if his time was disappointing. It makes a great deal of sense to presume this after hearing the delight and wonder in Bree’s recapturing of the childhood she recalled. He had only her account to go on, so hearing her tell him “You are magical to me.” This let him know, those feelings of warmth, comfort and happiness, she had for him, now, and would always. Just as she has those perfect childhood moments, her life since meeting him has been enriched. The knowing of such things, brings more love and happiness.

It makes me believe even more in the human capacity to accept such gifts. Opening ourselves not only to share the things we feel but to hear, accept and feel what others are saying to us.

We have dealt with many goodbyes on Outlander. I will say, this was the mother of all goodbyes. When I say mother, I mean it. If it were not for a mother’s love, this vehemence of love, protection and determination, the emotion we witnessed simply wouldn’t exist. Claire, knows who she is, and she is not a doctor or mother or wife as much as she is a human doing the very best she can. She understands her place in the world and because of that confidence and ability, she is able to make those difficult choices. Knowing telling Bree about Mandy’s heart condition and that someone in the future could fix it, but not her, not now…was selfless. Not something everyone would do. Some mothers would rather hold onto their control and try to manipulate the situation for their benefit, to avoid more hurt in their soul. It is when we see Brianna, following in her mother’s shoes that brings us to our knees. There are many parents who talk about how hard parenting children is, and yes, it can be trying, yet there are few who speak about parenting adults. They often still expect you to fix the things that you know are not in your control while wanting with everything you are to be sure they are happy. Though Brianna is now a mother, she is also Claire’s daughter, that attachment never goes away for a mother. It may change to a more secure and understood attachment, if we are lucky. It is having the ability to see that our adult children are their own person, with their own experiences and life while still being their safe space to come back to for love and support.

The thing about our mothers though, whether we like it or not they created us. Literally from nothing, to a living human person. It isn’t only what they ate and drank that made us who we are. It was their hopes, dreams, worries and stress. All of those pieces of them are interwoven into our neurology and genetics. Even considering Brianna is 200 years away, she carries her mother within her cells.

The moment where Claire is searching for comfort was powerful. What is so important about this scene is she was searching for connection. With Jamie and Claire, that connection often is shown in the form of sexual intimacy. What we saw this time, was so much more real and raw. There was a life/love lesson in this moment. The connection Claire needed was repair. As much as Bree is a part of her mother, having Bree changed Claire. It changes all of us, on a cellular level. As we are creating this whole new human, our blood, our bones and ligaments and most importantly, our brain changes. When it comes to saying goodbye, we feel this physically and emotionally. The best way to heal from hurt like this is with love. For ourselves, for those around us. Crying is our body’s autonomic reaction to emotional pain, doing that alone, leaves us feeling isolated and bereft. What Jamie did was exactly what all of us need, someone to open their arms, tell us to feel all those feelings. We shouldn’t stuff them down or ignore them because they take root in our bodies, feeling them is the only way we feel whole. Our emotions that go unprocessed or processed in an unhealthy way…always come back to haunt us.

I used to watch Faith if I needed a cry – well – Episode 2 of Season 7 has taken over that spot. The catharsis of a well-placed sobfest is highly underrated.

I am going to end this now, and deal with the tragic ending of “The Happiest Place on Earth” next time. Maybe.

SoSo much love to you all, Feel your feels,

Sherry

Sacrifice > / = Love

Outlander season 7 open hit me like a ROCK. Be it a quartz one, the one that is known for transparency and clarity. I am always pleased to see the Outlander writers weaving themes throughout an episode. This one was loud in many regards, but we also had the subtle whispers but the golden vein through it all was …sacrifice.

Sorry, I saw that GIF and I had to use it. Just laugh, get it out.

There is a quote, “Sacrifice is greater than Love”. The passage suggests that the act of sacrifice holds more significance or value than love. I would argue that one cannot and likely not sacrifice anything if it were not FOR love. It is either love of someone else or love of self. I don’t mean the societal bullshit of loving yourself being selfish. I mean, when we truly love ourselves, something modern society may say, but when we do, the resentment and backlash are strong. When we love ourselves, we do so wholly and freely. We accept ourselves for who we are, where and who we came from and understand that our perceived flaws are what make us human, not make us unlovable or bad. When we truly love ourselves, we show ourselves compassion, empathy and kindness. When we make it to that place, and for many, that journey is long, gut-wrenching and exhausting, yet, when we make it there, it enlightens us to the truth. Our love of self allows us a depth beyond measure to love and have compassion for others. More than we thought we did before. That is to say, we know that each one of us started with thoughts, core beliefs and even falsehoods bestowed upon us earlier than we can physically or logically recall, and if we are not afforded the same advantages or opportunities, we may never see beyond the things instilled in us so early on.

Those who love themselves don’t judge others for perceived flaws or what our society calls failure. This is a love without excessive ego but with a true understanding of what ego is, which is consciously healthy and humble. Knowing we are not *all-knowing* and every day can learn and grow comes from having done such growing.

Very few individuals in this world have not experienced some type of trauma – this is especially true for our imaginary friends in the world of Outlander. The poor buggers can’t catch a break to catch their breath. We, in 2023, are lucky. There is now the thing called neuroscience, so we know how trauma truly affects our minds and bodies and how to heal with the right tools. The tools for our Outlander crew are a bit rusty and decrepit, but damn, it makes for good TV!

We know…we know…

The first sacrifice we see being made in the episode is straight off. The Fraser’s sacrificing their peace of mind to their fear. The opening with Claire on the gallows, looking up to see Richard “DICK” Brown, shows us that her terror is leading her thoughts. Jamie, having lost Claire again, is on the hunt, fiercely focused on nothing else but locating that woman. Which means he and Ian both are sacrificing their own safety and the wellbeing of those who count on them. Sidenote: Brianna really should invent a location device to hook her Mom up with.

These people expecting the impossible from me.

Next, Claire sacrifices what little coin she has for some booze. SHOCKER! It’s always worth it when you are in a dank jail cell. Claire really shouldn’t go too long without… withdrawal can be a nightmare! We do our best to cope.

Roger nearly sacrifices his wife’s good will toward him by wanting to help Wendigo. This is a fantastic example of two people who have solid, understandable and both equally correct standing on a subject. It’s this foolish idea that only one person can be right in a situation and one always has to lose. That simply isn’t the way life is, though so many of us refuse to understand that another person’s perspective may be just a valid and strong. The true deciding factor, I believe is Roger understanding that the cost to Brianna was too great. Though they both held trauma that was shaping their opinions on this subject, it seemed that Roger knew that he still could do something, without taking the chance that it might be the wrong thing. Prayer, over setting the man free. Knowing that Brianna would experience another trauma if she were to know this man that did nothing while her mother was brutally raped, repeatedly went free. Of course, Brianna connected to that as she too suffered a sexual assault while bystanders did nothing. To know Roger, let that man go, regardless of his intent, strikes a part of her that hasn’t yet healed. It would be like having an old scare torn open.

For those who are book readers know, in Outlander land – no good deed goes unpunished.

Yeah…they never adieu. To you or you or you.

We would be remiss if we did not look at the sacrifice of Tom Christie. This show has taken this man…made us hate him, kinda like him, hate him again and then…recognize his damage, and have empathy for him. I truly believe this was more about Mark Lewis-Jones‘ portrayal of this character than the writing…though one can’t really be had without the other. Mark Lewis-Jones, elevated that character., providing a dimension to him that I was unwilling to grant him while I read the books. I believe this represents us how our subconscious can form little walls in our inner world, we accept only what feels safe to us and reject the rest. Mark Lewis-Jones extended the character of Tom Christie by providing us with *his* inner world. It shows the power of connection and if we are willing to be open to others personal, deepest insecurities. Allowing us to know we are all fighting an internal battle of what we were unable to control in our development to the now, where we do have the control.

The level of grace and dignity he showed, due to his love for this woman that he could never have, was equal to Jamie’s. The difference, I believe, is Jamie knows he deserves Claire; they are one and the same…connected. He is acutely aware that he has earned her love in return. Where in the eyes of Tom, he is getting a grip on that piousness after meeting and falling in love with Claire. It seems he has began to understand, in bits, that is likely what has created him ending up alone. I feel like Tom wants this act to be his absolution, along with, of course, being sure Claire lives. Sacrificing one’s life for another is by far the ultimate sacrifice. Those who make it miss one important detail, though. The person we sacrifice ourselves for will need to live with that weight. Knowing they are the reason someone chose death rather than the knowledge of spending a life without them.

There was a life sacrificed, as far as we know, at the end of this episode. Bad, bad Richard Brown, baddest dude in the whole damn town… If you didn’t go back and sing that, our brains are very different. be grateful, this one is full of chaos not everyone can handle.

Back to ole Dicky boy…who seemingly was sacrificed for the greater good of humanity. That is a very basic representation, however. Jamie, noted by the dude who shat his pantaloons when he was told, “Yeah, not worried about your men, bruv…my nephew…the guy who is super pissed at you along with his Cherokee friends are tying up those loose ends.”, is indeed a good man.

Another ridiculous social narrative that to be a good person you must only do good things is ludicrous. Especially if that good thing is for a horrible human with no redeeming qualities. That is not to say I think we should go around killing people who are assholes and filled with hate, though we really need to stop tolerating them. Turning the other cheek and being the bigger person, what the hell is that? We already are the bigger person when someone else is a hate filled, rage charged fool. When they refuse to meet us where we are, if we don’t want them to believe silence in consent, in context, then we meet them where they are, with the language they understand. Their language is usually loud and only ends when they succumb.

The issue with people who mistreat others, harm them or instigate harm to be done believe our silence is not only consent, it’s encouragement. “Go ahead. Spread your vileness all over me, then my home – then work – then town – then country- then continent – then…globe.” It’s permission. They need to be denied. Denied a space and a platform. We do that not only by ignoring the individual but by actively speaking up against their unacceptable behaviour until they stop and or apologise for doing it. It will then be up to us to allow them back into our lives with forgiveness or choose our own path in life, with the lesson and the memories in store.

Jamie seems to have chosen the sacrifice of Dick’s life over the hundreds or thousands he has and will harm. Of course, Jamie didn’t have the benefit of suggesting to Dick he was a narcissistic sociopath that needs intense cognitive and developmental therapy. In the 1700s, the thing was…kill ém! We, as humanity, have come a long way. Unfortunately, society takes far longer to catch up and get on board.

The road that Dick paved with manipulation, deceit and a false sense of revenge… has appeared to be ended. Jamie believes he can live with this particular sacrifice as it most certainly did save his family and who knows how many other families from a danger that was unpredictable and had a false sense of calm about him. These are the most incipit threats as they bide their time and pounce when the most damage can be incurred. Society would do well to pay more attention to how/when, and why evil starts, and where it came from and rather than eradicate the behaviours after they have started. Changing the course before it begins. That is when LOVE, SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING come into the picture again. Rather than have us create humans filled with shame, hatred and vitriol – we create them to be confident and kind. The results would be revolutionary.

We, fans, will always watch Outlander with one eye firmly fixed on ourselves.

It is not a conscious behaviour unless we analyse our reactions to the events and characters. I, personally, have gone through a sizable and transformative shift in my life since watching Season 6. I only participate in open and positive dialogue concerning the show. That isn’t copium; that is a choice to not allow something I view for enjoyable entertainment (created by my fellow humans with complex inner lives) to become something that I resent or bring me any level of annoyance. In my circle, that only serves to bring me unwarranted stress. I will however, speak my boundaries and call out those hurting others simply for their *right to an opinion*. As a dear friend pointed out to me years ago, we can say what we mean without being mean. I wish that was a lesson I took to heart earlier in my life.

I have been away from the fandom for a beat… only participating with the local @ABOotlanders group, hyperPT on IG and the blogs/and the SIssues Outlander podcast .(featuring my sister and I. Currently we have seasons 1-5 and will be producing 6-7 soonish. All the other stuff I put aside for my own well-being. There is only one of me; after all, I have recently learned I need to take care of her first, or she runs out of gas/gets lost or lays on the side of a road in the foetal position. And those things suck, so I care for myself. I can’t express how that makes it easier to be there for those we love and the things we love.

What kind of trip will episode 2 take us on? Follow me to get notified when I write about it.

Sherry – that ABOotlander/beaver person.

I see you, Outlander…I see you.

What we see and what we show, both are choices we make. Some of the time they are conscious but very often our subconscious compels the choice for us. Personal bias, life experience and past judgements skew our perception of what we see. It becomes a dance of our closely guarded secrets along with the desire to influence, determining what we expose.

https://media3.giphy.com/media/JChau6sodGmUQ0mV0Q/giphy.gif

What we ‘think’ we see isn’t always the truth.

This has been both beautifully subtle throughout the first half of Season 6 of Outlander and ‘smash you in your whole damn face’ obvious, at the same time.

It screams of what is going on in the world as well as my journey over the last few years. I found myself drawn to sit and write; this could be a doozy. You may want to grab a snack and cuppa of something strong.

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Dram or twelve…you know the deal.

Our favourite drama sucked us in with a 1753 flashback of Jamie first arrived at Ardsmuir Prison. The wary man simply wanted to bide his time of misery. Having lost everything that meant anything to him, he was entirely over it.  He had played every game, he was done like dirt. Us Outlander fans love them a
duuurty
Jamie. Not dirty enough for some fans but I digress.  

Source: https://media4.giphy.com/media/MZSJ5S8u46RMY/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47i0o1j9zmvq8q64ebziu08eo6q4bzi8sqy3rgceps&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

You missed me…I know you did.

Ferrrrgus (he makes me purr, I can’t help myself). What was happening with Fergus is something that we may see in ourselves, and loved ones and I promise, this is something we will project onto others fully when our personal lens is clouded.

Once proud, capable, and steadfast, his confidence in his ability to protect his family was shattered. It didn’t only shift or crack. For Fergus, it was not only his wife he failed to protect, it was his children, living and unborn…it was also his mother. Fergus may not use maternal language when referring to her, nevertheless, she has that motherly connection with him. If we go back to the season finale and look at César’s performance, if we weren’t so sucked into the brilliance of the episode, we would have seen his despair unfolding. Fergus was fragmenting more every moment we saw him.

fergus

César Domboy’s performance at the end of season 5 was so subtle, it’s only when we go back after seeing his performance in season 6, we can truly appreciate it’s nuance. The coming storm cloud hanging over him in the shot of the family *chefs kiss*.

What was happening with Fergus on the inside, didn’t stay there like many other characters this season. Feeling useless and worth nothing, his mission became to ensure everyone else saw him the same way. This is another means by which we punish ourselves when we believe we are a failure. It isn’t enough to
punish ourselves, we create chaos around us to have others validate how shitty we are. It becomes a perpetual cycle of self-flagellation. In turn, others will wind up telling us how horrible we are because of it. Cycle completed.

There was a fatal flaw in Fergus’s logic. He was loved completely. No one blamed him for the things he blamed himself for. It was how Fergus was externalizing his self-hatred that grew sinister. This happens to many of us. When we are aware of a ‘tender spot’ subconsciously we will begin to create our story. He knew Marsali’s history of violence due to an alcoholic father. What better way to poison her against him? It would surely complete his pursuit of isolation and bring about his wife hating him. Then she would surely admit the attack on her, Henri-Christian’s disability was his fault. Claire’s kidnapping, beating
and rapes, were all his fault. Once she hated him, as she hated her alcoholic father, she would admit it all. All these things can and do happen in our subconscious minds.

Fergus wasn’t wrong. Marsali did see her father in this messy and drunk Fergus. What she also knew was that version of Fergus wasn’t the man she married, loved or who he truly was deep down. She was giving him the grace to heal but she wasn’t going to tolerate his shittiness around her or their family any longer.

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And there ya go…You just got Marsalified.

Marsali loves him, and setting a boundary with him proved that more than allowing him to continue the self-destructive behaviour. She Marsali’d him straight upside the head. There is only so much a woman who has recently given birth to a disabled child, has other children to raise and a household to deal with will be emotionally and physically able to tolerate. She did precisely what she needed to do. Protect herself. It wasn’t easy, but at that moment, she stopped a cycle of generational trauma in her life. There would be no more tolerating a man putting their trauma responses above the family unit. This is something that we all can sit with for a while.

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The things that make us go hmmmm…ahhh…wait wha?!

Suicide is never an easy subject to talk about. It should make us feel uncomfortable. It’s heartbreaking we could get to a place where we feel the answer is to end the pain we feel. Treating the subject with anything less than empathy and compassion would be callous. The Outlander writers handled Fergus’s suicide attempt as genuinely and touching as possible.

Fergus lost sight of the man he was. He accomplished seeing himself as the nothing he felt, through others’ eyes. Even had convinced himself into wanting his wife to find a ‘whole’ man by twisting Marsali’s words to validate the action he was about to take. When someone chooses to die in this manner it isn’t done without a great deal of thought – yet – it is often done on impulse. That is why having Jamie catch him in the act and being able to articulate the logic of it isn’t what he does… it’s who he IS, that matters. It struck home. Fergus realized then the person he was drowning with booze was the *who* he was referring to. The man he was punishing for not being there was the one they needed. That was the Fergus that was emerging. Fergus was able to see the man his father was speaking about reflected in his eyes. He felt that man still existed within him and that is why he held on.

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Thank all the little children and Jamie’s sliding down hills in kilts.

We can take many lessons from Fergus’s story into our own lives. Hurt people…hurt people. When we think someone is doing horrible things to us and we react in anger, maybe, just maybe they are hurting and are punishing themselves – inviting you to do the same. It could be you are doing that to yourself, right now.

Speaking of hurt ass people…whoooaaa. The whole Crusty Christie family has a “there is something WRONG with you people” vibe.

I am going to put Jessica Reynolds on BLAST. As Malva, the 5’2” actress manages to circumvent all obstacles in her way, read…men of ANY size. Mark Lewis Jones, nearly 5’10” and Richard Rankin at 6 ft, this girl didn’t cause them to shrink at her looks of defiance or threats. She grew over them, the measure of her nefarious strength washed upon them and engulfs each moment.

As fans, we are shook’th! As we bring our judgement of Malva to moments that would seem inconsequential, they become disconcerting. It was bad enough she was creeping on Jamie and Claire having barn sex. The directors’ skilful choice in showing her hike herself up on her tippy toes caused fandom-wide goosebumps. It not only elevated Malva’s view of the twosome – it took the viewer to
another level of shudderhood.

I am sure by the time the season wraps I will have a TOP TEN BUTTCHEEKCLENCHING MALVA’SPRESSIONS. Easy. I might not even be able to narrow it down to 10. It might have to be a desk calendar. I look forward to it either way. She WILL get her own blog post. Eventually.

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This girl glares, gazes, starts fires…

What makes the Christies fascinating in the lens of what we see/what is shown/ how we perceive them is that we know very little of their personal experiences. We are left to assumptions. Oh and we ASS- U – ME,  don’t we?

Tom, for instance. He likes to believe he is this holier than thou dude. When, in fact, he feels the same feels any other human does, instead of feeling them, processing them, and moving forward he chooses to suppress/deny them. Moreover, he swiftly takes out his frustration for those feelings, out on his daughter. That somehow is the punishment he looks for. Let’s make it clear, Tom Christie is the poster boy for projection. Tom absurdly thinks he can stop Malva from becoming the kind of woman that tempts a pure-minded/hearted man such as himself *eye-roll*. He, being the one who obviously could not read a few words in a book without feeling impulses and urges.

Imagine though? Using ones intelligence to say “These feelings are natural, not evil. It is what I do with
the feelings that will make me a good or bad person.” This guy denies the feelings and is off trying to beat them out of someone else. Pretty damn evil, bro. How about accepting the feelings, expressing those feelings with love and consent…good? So, good.

That is why Claire seems an enigma to ole Tom. He was under the impression she was good. Then, he read this smut…and he thought of her. That’s right. He didn’t think better of her, he thought OF her. That is why he was fuming. His body and his mind are taken over by the sensations evoked by the words. He was baffled by his thoughts of this woman and the reaction of his body. But nooooo, not HIS fault. So he literally turns to lashing the one female he believes he controls, his go-to. You know, how about Tom take responsibility for his own emotes? No? Too real? I get it. Tom tweet 01

I am going to take a moment to speak on this as I feel it is pertinent to my view. I have always felt, even reading the books, that there is an unspoken truth to sexual violence when it comes to those who want to overpower others. Some speak of “too much rape” – I, too, am of the mind that there IS too much rape.
In real life. Rape takes place every day, more than any of us will ever see on TV. That is why it is uncomfortable, triggering and upsetting. We do more ranting about rape that happens on TV and in books than we do about rape that happens in real life. I’ve heard it said it is ridiculous that every member of a family would be raped. It isn’t. Generational trauma is a very real thing, trauma response and reaction are conduits for this exact thing. It not only happens in one family, it happens in generations of families until it’s finally revealed, discussed openly and healed. For me, It’s about honesty in storytelling. Sexual violence would be no more a plot device than a fire, death, traumatic birth, murder, betrayal, or any other tragedy that occurs when storytellers are being truthful within the scope of a dramatic narrative.

In the case of Claire’s kidnapping, she is taken by men who want to see her shredded, torn to the last vestige of nothingness. A man who thinks nothing of raping his own wife would feel no remorse. As Lionel showed, he deemed he was within his rights to take her, teach her a lesson and give her away. As I saw things, it wouldn’t be sincere if that wasn’t a part of the kidnapping tale. There is something about suspending belief and fantasy about time travel, big houses but not that. Not that kind of base human behaviour of evil. This is how people, women, in particular, have been torn down and controlled for centuries. Do I hate it? Of course. It’s happened to me…it’s reprehensible. I recognize the need to share
these moments with care, as Outlander has done through the years. It is why I was grateful to see they raised the stakes in Claire’s ongoing trauma from the many rapes. This shouldn’t have gone away quietly.

I am fascinated by Claire this season. I was curious as to how they would handle her PTSD in addition to her resumed sexual relationship with Jamie. My triggered heart was soothed in so many ways. The way both Caitríona and Sam are playing their characters this season is filled with nuance and almost a bubble
wrap of care. Claire isn’t sharing all of her pain with Jamie because she can’t. She isn’t capable of doing that. There is something about trauma that many people don’t understand. Claire even voiced it very well last season as she went through a list of her many traumas, stating they never broke her. The reality is, they all still live within her. She never would have been able to rattle them off with such passion if they didn’t. These complex traumas build up in us and when something massive comes along, we don’t have any more room to hold them. It isn’t that we aren’t strong enough or we have been strong too long. We need to heal.
Everything.

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It’s not easy for anyone. I love that is being represented.

We all want to scream and shake her by the shoulders “TELL JAMIE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL”, this is us speaking from a place of observation. We aren’t considering her suffering. The fear, the pain, the confusion, and the need to fix it herself. This isn’t Claire’s pride, this is Claire’s wound. It’s still wide
open and healing. For her to say it out loud for someone to hear, especially the people she loves, the ones that count on her…she would fully become the wound in everyone’s eyes, right now, it’s controlled. Within her.

She shows everyone the Claire she needs them to see.  Bree sees pieces of herself in her mother, not because Claire is showing her but because Bree recognises the behaviour she once projected. Jamie isn’t seeing what is wrong, not because he is too preoccupied but because he doesn’t recognise it. He also needs Claire to be ok. Claire blows sunshine up his kilt and he takes it. It is what we do for the people we love the most, on both sides of the coin.

When we face tough times and we know our partners have a lot going on…you know, like building communities, facing down an unavoidable war and being the king of men ‘n shit. The last thing we want to do is take their eye off the ball with us falling apart since we know they will drop it to take care of us.
We don’t tell them because A) we are too proud B) don’t think we deserve it C) don’t believe it’s as important as all the other stuff. Claire, amazing as she is, is not a singular being in her trauma. What does make her unique is…she has ether. Truly a magic pill of sorts. I’m not sure it was altogether an accident
that she perfected it at this time. Claire was in search of something not only to add to her surgery but something, anything that could assist in turning off an inner voice. The one that repeatedly haunts her and takes her back to the centre of her trauma.

We are reminded that Claire’s trauma doesn’t only lay at the clearing with Lionel and his sorry excuse for men. It lies in the many times she had been sexually assaulted. Being triggered at Flora’s party by the mention of the King was a profound bit of writing. This rape was often overlooked. Some argue it isn’t rape because she gave consent. The truth of the matter is consent without a resounding yes, is not consent. Consent that is manipulated, bargained for, coerced or bought is not consent. Observationally, someone may SEE it as consent. When the person EXPERIENCING the act feels they are being raped, which is what matters. It is not just happening to their body, it is happening to their brain, their gut, and their heart. It is rewiring their system. It’s why people who get sexually assaulted vomit afterwards, it’s a brain/gut connect reaction. It is why they feel a need to get clean, scrub the feeling OUT of them. triggered

For those who do not understand being triggered, that can be the same sensation that takes over the body. It brings them to the same place of fear and panic. These are the moments that Claire reaches for her escape. It isn’t because she is weak or selfish. It is because she is in the middle of that clearing, the middle of King Louis’ bed, bent over Black Jacks desk and and and…ether is her quickest way out…for now. 

When we see others in distress like this, we may have a low tolerance for their inability to cope. We may let our high expectations combined with our desire for them to be ‘better than that’ create
a narrative that they are worse or somehow less than.  The truth is, our observation doesn’t match their experience. They are filled with panic, fear and chaos and desperate to stop it. Addicts don’t become addicts due to personality flaws. We should ask ourselves what someone is trying to escape from not judge them for wanting to escape a debilitating pain.

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I love this quote so much.

I observed some conversations referencing it would be better if the writers had made her a “drunk” along with Fergus. I found that theory interesting given that Claire’s remaining present, for the most part. Her need is to turn out the lights, to reset, a few seconds here or there. She drinks on the regular as it is. She wouldn’t be able to keep utter intoxication from anyone, for their safety or hers. The ether has been discreet enough to resist if she needs to and she has shown she does.

What many viewers fail to appreciate is we genuinely see things through the lens of our own experiences. It sometimes gets us stuck. Some see Jamie and Claire in a bad place right now because Claire is struggling and Jamie seems clueless. Truth being, Claire wants him unaware of this one thing. She is communicating with him, sharing laughter and connecting sexually. Those encounters are not
merely for show, not only to make Jamie feel like everything is peachy in pound town. They are also there for Claire’s healing. She needs that connection with the man she loves. Her distress doesn’t always involve him but she knows how he can help her and she is incredibly adept and utilizing his skills. Telling him everything would cause him to treat her like a victim, and for Claire to heal with Jamie, she can not feel like that. Not yet.

Jamie isn’t being obtuse or neglectful. He is picking up everything that Claire is putting down for him. Exactly how she wants/needs him to. The thing that makes it different is, it’s not complete. She leaves out the information that she is still processing, trying to work through, the stuff that she knows he can’t help her with.

I wish we would grant her that…hell…I wish we would grant ourselves that. We ALL do it. We hold onto shit that we are going through. WHEN do we end up sharing it? A) When we finally realize we CAN’T fix
it alone – after we’ve tried everything on our own. B) We’ve hit bottom and have no choice. C) We fixed it and the scare has passed. D) Processing has been accomplished, we require love, support, and family to commence cuddle warfare. 

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Bring it in…it’s time!

I do hope we see the reason we get upset when a character like Claire becomes all too human rarely is about her. It is almost always about us. That’s why we are so completely invested, it is all about the emotional connection we create. We have made it personal. Why wouldn’t we? Sure…it’s a TV show, it is a TV show that we write blogs about, do podcasts on, tweet about daily, create friendships, travel to meet others, meme to death, meet the cast, support their charities with our hard-earned dollar bills and absolutely LOVE. It is no wonder at all that we get so wrapped up in the characters and how they are portrayed. 

The idea of having Outlander suit the wants and desires of fans quickly becomes impractical when reality strikes that “we” as viewers are in the millions, around the world. We made this beautiful choice to be seen, heard and engage with one another. I am infinitely grateful the majority do with kindness, respect and thoughtfulness. I am also grateful that I get to be a part of a group that chooses to voice their opinions and thoughts. We are small in comparison to the viewership but damn it is fun!

I was right…this WAS a doozy. I hope you are still awake.9okkxhl

Much love,

Sherry AKA The Beav

Fear. My last ‘not a recap’ for Outlander Season 5. Never My Love.

Whether we were captivated or horrified by Outlander’s season finale, Never My Love, I believe we can agree that it had an impact.

I debated whether I would write about this episode, I also had an inner dialogue if I’d go my regular route of running further afield. Should I break my streak and face real talk? I have a rather, let’s say, intimate relationship with sexual assault and rape. I have spoken of it pretty openly.  In my 30’s, I spent time working as a victim services coordinator which gave me an opportunity to sit with, walk beside and rage alongside women in impossible circumstances. Rape should never be brushed away. It happens often in our society now, we know damn well it happened in the past. In fact, it happened so often that it wasn’t even considered rape. It was considered a right by the aggressor and a duty by the victim. I decided not to take a deep dive there, this time. Droughtlander is going to be long, I  do have some things I want to say and I will because I have plenty of time.

The finale was steeped in fear. I know we all have different ideas of what fear is. Motivational speakers like to say fear is “False Evidence Appearing Real”, and hey, I’m not knocking that mindset, hell, I have said it myself BUT when you have a boot being swung at your head that’s fucking scary and real, there is a legitimate reason to fear that.

Fear, like many things in this life – isn’t simple.

The series of events we witnessed were spurned by the deep-seated fears that Lionel Brown had. Before someone thinks I am defending that piece of flaming garbage, I am not. People act with violence ‘because of’ and Lionel was acting through his hate for Claire and everything she was/represented. That hate constructed a fear he felt powerless with. In order to gain some dominance he recruited and included other men. This gave him the impression of strength and control. All the while, his fear and hate continued to build because Claire refused to cower to him.

Sadly, we can see this in ourselves. Naturally, the degree that Brown hits isn’t the norm for most of us🤞🏻 . When we ‘hate’ someone, that is mostly predicated by a perceived threat (or because someone we trust has told us we should).  We may feel inadequate, powerless or somehow ashamed when we are exposed to them. Those feelings can cause us to lash out.

In Lionel’s case, they are exhibited in violent acts and rage. We aren’t complete misogynist slime balls so we react in a less vicious manner. We may be passive-aggressive, withhold kindness, gossip or spread rumours. It is a usual tactic to try and turn others against those who we have had felt threatened by, Lionel did exactly that with his men.

Lionel thought he had power over Claire when all along, she had power over him. Did it matter that Lionel’s wife refused his bed? No. He would beat her and raped her anyway.  Did it matter that Claire made eye contact with him and called him out on shooting a man in the back? Not really, her accusations held no water legally. None of these things truly changed Lionel’s life BUT he invented Claire being a personal threat to him. He created that narrative and brought his friends along for the ride because when we get others to join in our treachery it validates it.

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The big bad girl scared all of them with her big brain.

Let’s face it, spreading hate is especially easy when the one person fighting against it, is bound, gagged, beaten and raped into submission. When this kind of fear/hate finds it target, it becomes emboldened and so do those who follow it. When their target falls they use this as fuel for their hate.

This is something that we see regularly. Those who are oppressed, have to fight harder, be louder and they are still consistently beaten into silence – yet – they don’t give up.  Those who are bullied, beaten, shot, denied work, incarcerated and forced to sit at tables alone…think about it. We see it on Outlander on a dramatic scale, when we travel to the other points on the spectrum, there you will find us. It’s the human condition and not all of it is pleasant to look at.

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No matter what side we are on, it’s embarrassing to be ‘in’ this society sometimes.

The show writers made it easy to despise Lionel. We don’t really give a shit if he was afraid of Claire, do we? That’s his own shrivelled up masculinity, too bad he couldn’t keep it to himself.  All we wanted to see was that he and his buddies were punished.

The reality of that punishment, in this story, is that would also come from fear. I wanted to look at 2 of the characters that truly used their fear as fuel.  This is why being aware of the scope of emotion is so important, why looking at life in black and white can be dangerous.

Marsali and Roger both used their fear as fuel.  Marsali, has become aware of her worth as a women in a world that doesn’t especially find worth in her. This man not only threatened her and the child she carried by assaulting her, he tormented and raped her Ma. Brown was laying in the room with her, threatening to kill everyone on the ridge. Her experience with him tells her that he is not lying. These are not threats, these are promises. Marsali is not willing to live with this fear, she ends it the only way she can. I could hear the cheers across the Outlander fandom.

We have the ability to do the same in our lives. No, I am not advocating jabbing a big ole needle full of poison into someones neck, that’s pushin’ it.

Imagine for a moment, we have that person who is in our life that is constantly forcing toxicity into our life. We listen, take it in, allow it to seep into our days because we fear the fall out if we stop engaging.  I know many of us can relate to this, afraid to hurt feeling. Confrontation is hard. Yet, here we allow ourselves to go through the stress for a harmful relationship out of fear of hurting the feelings of someone we don’t respect or even like. We need to love ourselves more than that.

Roger. Deep down is a pacifist but his fear was clearly build from love. His fear was for Claire and her safety. He used this to push through his natural instinct to be a man of peace, to fight for his family.  We will find this with mothers and fathers regarding their children. It is why I was so happy to see Outlander utilize Roger in this way. His nature is not one of violence, yet, for his family, for the woman who is very much a mother to him, he will do whatever it takes. Even if it means stepping over a line that he will never forget crossing.  We have those moments too, we are so terrified, we don’t know if we can do something, yet we do.  Getting married, having kids, getting on that roller coaster, taking that promotion, buying that house, moving across the country, getting a divorce, getting help for that thing we don’t want anyone to know about.  No matter what it is, if we think it is worth going for, we will push through that fear and do it.

This fear thing, we all live with it. It’s an emotion that we can learn to manage, understand and even embrace.

Now gimme a HUG! We all need it after this season. Let’s try and get through Droughtlander without too many injuries, eh?

Sher xo

I’m not going anywhere during Droughtlander. I have some fun things up my sleeve so staytuned my Twitter account and this blog!

Our REDBUBBLE STORE is open.  You will find some fun #Droughtlander designs there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bendability. The twists-n-turns I took with Ep09 #MonstersandHeroes

Imagine.  Writing a whole blog, over 5 hours of thoughts, feelings and analysis only to say “Nope. Not good enough.” – I didn’t leave it to ponder about but hit delete. Done. Over.  I did that last night.  I spent most of the day Monday, off and on, putting my thoughts about Monsters and Heroes here, on this identical template I am staring at right now. It was complete. All except for those annoying GIFs that I add to drive ya all crazy but they add my boneheaded personality.

I deleted it because I struggled with it. It felt pushed, unnatural and well, obvious. I usually wouldn’t even tell you what I wrote about but I will. I wrote about friendship. See? 🧀 anyone? It felt overdone, it felt sappy and it felt so NOT me.  Not because I don’t have friends (I know, SHOCKIN’, I can count at least 3! ) but friendship is a concept we all understand for the most part. I don’t need to write a whole farkin’ blog about it, and I did. 😨 LAME!

This topic though, bendability, I hope isn’t. I could have taken the path of publishing the blog that everyone would have easily identified with.  That would be the easy way out. Choosing to be a little uncomfortable, to stretch myself in another direction, do something different…that makes more sense to what I try and accomplish with my blogs.  Will it work?

Time to stop blathering and get on with it shall I?

The title of the episode “Monsters and Heroes” can be seen in direct connection to the title of the blog. These don’t have to be two separate entities, they can be the same person, to the same people at different times in their life. We opened with that situation. Claire and Marsali. Marsali, she first saw Claire as a monster. She only knew her from the perspective that she grew up with, shown via her mother and the life experience she had. Marsali is a strong-willed, determined and sass-laced woman.  There was as much likelihood she would have dug her heels in and not accepted Claire or simply ignored her existence. Marsali used her ability to bend to see her own truth. If I were to venture a guess where this trait came from I would say it was the influence of Jamie through Fergus.

Her direct experiences with Jamie likely were clouded by her mother’s perceptions of the relationship. We heard as much from her early discussions with Claire. She and Fergus doubtlessly have had a long relationship. He grew up at Lallybroch, not far from where Marsali did. Fergus is the epitome of adaptable and that virtue, not only admirable, tends to rub off on those closest to them.

We’ve witnessed Marsali view Claire as a monster in her world. When she transforms into being her “Ma”, it’s special. She now sees her as someone she learns from and admires. A heroine. That, my friends, is bendability.

I wonder how many people we have had in our lives that we have written off because of the stories others have told from their perceptions of them, through their experiences, one-sided. We may have labelled as unworthy of our time or bad people simply because someone we knew/cared about, hated them.  Our lack of bendability may have shut out someone that may not have been such a monster after all.

There will be times in our lives that we have no choice but to bend.  The reason being if we don’t – we will break. There is no alternative. Roger and Jamie were placed in this position. Their relationship of tentative tiptoeing around one another with passive-aggressive taps-n-shots wasn’t going to get them through the crisis they found themselves in. Jamie, in need of rescuing and Roger in the position to save him.  The pair were forced to bend to the other’s reality.

Jamie’s snakebite set in motion events that created a bromance we will enjoy for years. Seriously though, the dynamic that mess brought on was instrumental in the Roger/Jamie bond. Not many have seen Jamie so vulnerable. We KNOW no one has ever sucked on his leg like that.

Roger had every reason to resent this red-headed brute of a man. From the first moment Roger laid eyes on him, to that very morning being the cockblocker he was. Yet, there was this man doing everything he could to save his father-in-law and keep his spirits up. Without handing out spoilers, Roger may very well have found his purpose on this dreadful excursion.

We went from two men circling one another warily, wondering where they stood in each other’s life to two people who found a comfortable, mutual respect and even a playful place with one another. Where there was trepidation the day before…a father and son connection was born. It took devastating circumstances forcing them into an uncomfortable space to do it but I am not certain anything less would have forged that relationship these men would need for the future.

How about that not so Young Ian? He has shown us we have the ability to not just bend but sway and twist. In fact, he knowingly steps into situations that will force him to bend.  Being a young lad in he left his small community and made way for adventure. Getting much more than he could have dreamt possible or wished to have. This young man chooses to evolve, with new people and lifestyles, knowing it is him that is going to have to do all the adapting.

In this episode, he set an example for someone who is supposed to be much wiser than he.  What we saw here was Ian saying the hard stuff.  That in itself is bendability. It’s not comfortable, for anyone. These conversations takes us out of our comfort zone of supporting and holding up those we care about. Knowing deep down that those are the words they need to hear takes an extra push, a lot won’t manage due to how difficult it is.  The ones that do get the words out, almost always feel bad.  That’s because they have a heart and they love. It isn’t supposed to feel good to say something severe to people we care for.

When the person is open enough to hear us, yes, bendable themselves, the message will strengthen the bond we have.  When saying the tough things, as hard as they are to say, they are hard to hear.  Jamie took the shaming well.  Had he the energy to fight back, I am not sure he would have. The truth of Ian’s words hung in the air for some time after he left the room.

Not everyone is so receptive to the truth on occasions such as these.  I admittedly am not always a fan. I have had the truth face me down and sometimes the first reflex is to defend. When that is my reaction, it’s often my clue I’m on the wrong side of things. I REALLY hate that. Being defensive indicates I am not confident in what I am arguing about. I use this as one of my life check-points to stop being rigid and look for the place to squeeze in that bendability.  It isn’t comfortable, it isn’t easy but, it’s more often right than it’s not.  That is where Jamie ended up. It took him time and pride but he got to where he needed to be.  He didn’t end up losing his leg, thank goodness.

Brianna is our used car lot balloon lady bendable, physically and emotionally.  You know, she’s having some ale on the porch and in a split second facing a charging 2000 pound buffalo to save her son and BFF. She is questioning if she can use her intelligence in a world where raising babies, making candles and dying day is considered the “life”. The need for Bree is to bend reality. The reality of the world she lives in. She had to stop seeing herself as fitting into the 1700s and just be Bree. Where an opportunity arises to use her engineering background, she will be taking it, as she did with creating the syringe for her mother out of the snake’s fang. I am sure this is only the start of Brianna putting her creative mind to work to make life easier on the ridge. 007

A big “Monsters and Heroes” take away for me was to loosen the hell up. Come on, I literally deleted a whole blog because it wasn’t ‘good enough’. True, it showed some bendability but it also showed I’m kinda an ass.  We are all under extra stress right now, some more than others but that never takes away from what each individual goes through.  It is times like this when we should do our best to let some of our austerity go. When we are feeling anxious, stressed and we add our own rigidity to it, we get so wound up it makes us feel all the more confined. If we bend it, allow it some slack, we allow ourselves some room to breathe.

 

It’s my hope you have the room.

Until next time,

Sher xo

Don’t forget we live tweet with the Canadian airing of Outlander on W Network Sunday nights at 7 pm MT. using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN. We would love it if you would join us. Only 3 more episodes left!

 

The Answer Within. I heard a few during S5E08 . #Outlander #FamousLastWords

I am becoming a broken record this season with these ‘not a recaps’.  Each episode is completely different from the last but in my view, each has a punch in the gut effect that stays with you long after.  And with that, as the credits rolled on #FamousLastWords, that duet with Richard Rankin and Sophie Skelton – COME ON! I found it breathtaking. Each time I watched the episode (4 times, so far) I let it play and sat back to listen.  I have never done that before this episode.

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Nope. Never. Not one time. Zero.

Once again, faced with so many topics to write about. All of them struck cords that I could go on about forEVA but I don’t want to do that. We seem to have nothing but time these days but I’m not going to take advantage of you. Not like that anyway. #winkawinka

There were questions of worth, grief bursts, traumatic flashbacks and worry all wrapped up in the characters we love so dearly.  We were with all of our favourites, in all of the moments we needed to be with them. Whether we were hearing them or observing. The voyeurs in us were on high alert.

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Watching is such sweet sorrow but I…can’t…stop.

We saw once more, words aren’t needed to convey emotion. This time, it was Richard Rankins’s turn. Without a word or a whisper, we felt, deeply, what Roger was experiencing. His eyes, shoulders, neck muscles, brows and the set of his mouth gave us everything we needed to know about what was happening inside his head, heart and rooted within his soul.  The people who love him, Brianna in particular, could see it too. She was especially in tune with what he was going through because she saw herself in him.

While trying to get through to Roger, Brianna brought up how she too, faced darkness and ugliness. I believe this moment was a catharsis for Brianna even though she was attempting to shake something loose in Roger. He still wasn’t in a place to hear her words. The wall he had built around himself was as impenetrable as his voice was stifled.  Brianna though, for all of the times she sat in silence, fighting her demons, keeping them silent and masking the trauma she went through for the sake of others, she let it out. She put it in front of Roger that she is fighting. Every day. For her family and those words were what she needed to hear.  Without realizing it, she was giving herself the advice she craved.  The words Bree had been waiting for were within her, she only needed to say them out loud.  She was directing them towards Roger however when we say things out loud, that is when we finally, truly, catch on. We, more often than not, won’t notice how we self-heal through our love of others.

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Give it…and eat it back up. 

There is one common thread each person on this earth shares. We all will lose someone we love. Sooner or later, it happens. In tandem, others will reach out to comfort us. When our grief is deep, there are no words, actions, cliches or casseroles that help. Making things better is contrary to reason.

Jamie asked Claire if there was a medicine in her time for grief.  Time was as close as she could get, and even that isn’t a cure.  We only get adept at integrating the grief into our everyday.  We also must be honest, as shown in this episode. Grief is not reserved for the dead. We grieve people we lose that have not died but are no longer in our life, whether that is by our choice or theirs. We grieve parts of ourselves that we have lost, due to trauma or illness. Grief changes who we are and that is o.k.

Even though grief is something nearly everyone in this world has in common, it is as unique as each person and the relationship they have with the person/piece of them who/that has died. There may be ‘stages’ of grief but none of us walk them the same or follow the path the way it may be expected.  We may think we know how someone feels but we can’t, not genuinely. We can empathize with their pain but knowing it would mean we know every corner of their heart/mind and that is impossible. Allowing someone their personal grief journey is a gift. Grief heals. Roger was grieving pieces of himself. Ian was grieving his tribe and more, Jamie grieving Murtagh. In the end, Claire was honest with Jamie. Letting him know there was nothing she could do, nothing anyone could do. Being a healer, she used the expression that brings her comfort. Time heals all wounds. To a degree of course. Scars are always left behind.

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Literal and figurative, both

This is something we will all find ourselves doing.  The words that bring us the most comfort, we share with others, hoping they have the same effect.

I want to touch on a brief and beautiful moment between Marsali and Young Ian. Marsali came to sit with Ian, speaking to him of their youth in Scotland. She reached out, reminiscing of family, siblings. It appeared that Marsali sensed Ian was moving about, untethered. Like a balloon about to fly away unless someone grabbed hold.  She connected with him by chatting about her jealousy of his bustling Murray family.  Mentioning how he must miss them, grasping at that string to pull him back.  We saw the flicker of light appear in Ian’s eyes as he spoke of his sister Janet and when he admitted he did indeed missed his family.  As Marsali’s pregnancy became more the focus in the conversation, Ian’s heaviness returned. Marsali knows family, her center is love and comfort. She did the best with what she had and I believe the seed she planted did help, a little.

That is why, no matter what we believe someone is going through. It is always good to find a step to sit on with them.  We have moments we wonder “Should I bother?”, “They don’t seem receptive.”  If you think a loved one might be hurting but you have a feeling you may be overstepping, say it – “I may be overstepping, and if I am, I will apologize. Today, I want you to know that I love you, that I am thinking of you and I’d like to hear how you are doing.” Is it always that easy? No, it isn’t. Many things in life aren’t but for those we love, we can take the chance. Marsassy did it.

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And so can we…

Seeing Roger and Ian amid dual struggles was both heartbreaking and became heartwarming. Both men, in very dark places, grappling with their pain to the point of not wanting to face it another day. Neither able to grasp how to move it out of the way. Roger was at what could have been his final moment. Facing the memory of being hanged, blacking out, almost strangled to death and Brianna’s face appeared to him. It wasn’t only Brianna, being his wife, that pulled him from the edge. It was his realization that on his previous brink of death, it was her, his love for her that he was bound to. In living colour with a powerful brightness, he envisioned this woman, whose love never wavered.  A familiar saying comes to mind “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

We often learn lessons at the perfect time and it seems to me this is what happened for Roger and Ian.  They were moving in parallel through much of the episode.  Once it was obvious what Ian’s intentions were, collective hearts were breaking for him and then, Roger comes in for the rescue.  An unlikely hero, given the circumstances. Ian angrily says so when Roger interrupts his plans to end his life.

Roger doesn’t know what Ian’s story is but he knows what matters is that Ian lives. The reason being, he sees Ian in himself and HE wants to live.  When Ian is unsure that he has the strength to carry on, Roger fortifies them both.  He pleads with Ian to pick up his weapon, it doesn’t mean he has to use it, just pick it up to go home with him. One day he will be strong enough to fight again and together it will happen.

This was Roger’s way of gaining strength from his own words, just as Brianna did with him.  We may get turned around and twisted in agony over the things we feel we should do, or have difficulty coping with.  We feel lost and wonder how in the world we’ll make it through another tragedy or manage another day.  Yet, someone we care for will be in that same head-space and we will have this astonishing amount of compassion for them. We will share uplifting stories of times we have pulled ourselves from the depths of despair or regale them with tales to lighten their heart.  What a beautiful thing it would be if we would take that same time and compassion for ourselves when we felt ourselves getting turned around.

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Today is every day. 

It is easier to give advice than it is to take it.  It is especially easier to give it when you see yourself so clearly in the person you are sharing the advice with.  Ian twice had moments of “you are one to talk” in this episode, first with Jamie – when he was trying to get Ian to open up to him.  Ian clapped back with a ‘Hey pal, you and Claire have secrets – back off and let me have my own.’ Point made. Then again with Roger for stopping him from doing exactly what Ian figured he was about to do himself.  The reason I bring this up is I think it’s a great life lesson moment.

When we are giving those bits of advice out to those we care about, it’s often because we see ourselves in them. It’s a good idea to be sure we have followed our own advice.  Being truthful to ourselves is being honest in our actions.  I assure you, if we haven’t, the one we are sharing with, may call our ass out on the carpet.

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Gotta cut the crap, sometimes.

We learn a lot about ourselves when we listen to the advice we share.  Our actions speak loudly about our character. I think we can see that with the characters I spoke of in #FamousLastWords.  You and I, we identify with these characters on this TV show owing to their stories aren’t so different from our own. Sure, their arc is more dramatic on the whole yet, at the heart of it all, the feelings at the core. We get it.

That’s why we keep coming back.

Sher xo

PS – I need to add a note about John Bell coming back. I squealed, jumped out of my chair and was just THRILLED to bits.  I slapped my husband’s leg so many times he was forced to finally say “OK, that is starting to hurt now.” to make me stop.  Where John used to bring us smiles and much-needed levity on screen – we now are seeing the true depth of this young man’s talent.  I am not sure I am ready for it but I am really feckin excited.

Join us Canadians for Live Tweeting with W Network on Sundays at 7 pm MT using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

 

 

 

A Whisper In Our Ear. What I heard during Ep06 of #Outlander. My ‘not a recap’.

Better to Marry than Burn was another one of those episodes that had a whole lot going on – on top and under the surface.  There is much discussion and given the state of the world right now, I think people may be shaking out some frustration.  I get it.  This is a stressful time. We need stress balls, outlets of energy. SQUEEZE ME!

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That might work.

In reference to episode 6 of season 5, we witnessed some heartbreaking, inspiring, fury inducing and puzzling actions – all ignited by the whispers our characters were reacting to. You know the whispers I am talking about as you have heard them yourself.  The ones that influence our thoughts, the decisions we make and assist us in, hopefully, not repeating past mistakes.

Let’s look at Roger first, tough job, someone’s gotta do it.😘 He and Brianna, domesticity personified with a sick little one, when suddenly the heavens open up and BOOM – grasshoppers!  (I know, I know, locusts)  We see the concern along with the hesitation that takes over Roger. He struggles with what to do about the predicament that has flown straight over the ridge, quite literally.  Tiring of racking his brain for solutions, he quiets his mind, he hears the whispers of his childhood.

The stories his father used to tell him.  Smoke and locusts, this not only stirs a theory of how to battle this beast they face but it connects him to the world he once lived in.  This place of warmth. Where he was once being cared for, read to and loved.  Those moments, when we reach back to them can fortify us.  They give us knowledge that we have carried into our lives and we are able to use it to help those we love. For those who lived lives with parents who may not have given the love and nurturing they needed, those whispers maybe the daily nudges of ‘my family will be different’.

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Show’em you love ’em

For Roger’s story, it is a beautiful moment of fulfillment. The folks of the ridge seemed to lack the ability to organize themselves, looking to him to come up with a plan.  When he does, the satisfaction he feels isn’t just for himself or his family. These actions he has taken have made a true difference in the history of what happens on Fraser’s Ridge. This wasn’t a day’s work of fixing a fence as he mentioned but the diversion of a disaster.

With that being said, do we thank the Reverend Wakefield for telling Roger the story of the smoke and locusts or give credit where credit is due?  With Roger, for remembering the story, for carrying it with him and for using it to formulate a plan of action when it mattered the most.

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Yes…YOU!

There was another character who had the past whispering to her and many  (by the chatter online) were annoyed by it. Claire still wears the wedding band that she wore while married to Frank. It is always a good thing to recall, Claire was a person before Jamie came into her world. She had a life whether or not other people approve, isn’t the point. She was married to Frank when she got flung back 200 years.  Last week I wrote about guilt and how it weighs us down. 

It makes sense to me that Claire has a piece of her that is holding onto that last tangible vestige of her previous life with Frank. She did love him, once. The second portion of their marriage wasn’t easy being built around Brianna. Claire spent a great deal of her time focusing on her career and we saw that as much as she tried to put Frank back into the husband role, it wasn’t and couldn’t be the same as it was. Those whispers of ‘you owe him this much, at least’ must be loud.

Imagine being her for a moment. Claire found deep happiness with Jamie, yet she spent 20 additional yrs married to Frank – fantasizing about Jamie. That is a lot to come to terms with and Frank’s ring isn’t just a wedding ring. It’s an homage to two decades of shared sacrifice. It’s a reminder of his dedication to Brianna and in turn, to Claire, as shaky as that may have been sometimes.  Claire isn’t attached to Frank, she is attached to all that he gave her. Peace of mind while she achieved the career she aspired to, a loving father for her daughter and eventually, a husband that didn’t ask more of her than she was willing to give.

There are things we hold onto in our life that represent people or moments that we feel if we let them go, we would be doing a disservice to them. Those small tokens bring us comfort and possibly silences those whispers of “Remember me???” Without them, we fear the whispers will turn into thundering bellows we would never be able to silence.

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Just. Shut. Up!

Jocasta was the character in our story who took her whispers as life lessons. She has heard hers for decades, they have kept her heart safe from shattering again. So far. Murtagh and his sly silver fox ways managed to sneak past her guard and we can see she fell in love with him but knew that his love would not be something she could allow herself in the long run.

Jocasta hears the voices of her daughters, now long gone. Those words, only she hears and she uses them to keep her path clear for the times ahead. Nothing will ever fill the space they left, she knows that. The fleeting moments of happiness she felt in the arms of a man she fell in love with, they happened, yet she knew the limits of her future because of the past she survived.

Some say love is worth it, though I believe Jocasta knows peace has greater value to her. That is as a result of her listening to those voices reminding her of all of the pain she experienced due to another’s choices. Being in control of that is precious, especially at a time in her life when she feels she is not in the prime of it.

The older we get, we tend to run out energy to please others. These days people say they have no fucks left to give. It’s true. Coming to see that they’ve spent a good portion of their lives giving up parts of themselves to make others happier, richer or making someone else’s lives easier while theirs were being sacrificed in some way.  This leaves them in their, so-called, golden years wanting to achieve the thing they crave the most.

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Nailed It!

We see very clearly that yes, Jocasta does love Murtagh, she would find some happiness with him. She is intelligent enough to know that happiness would be mixed with uncertainty and head butting – they are from two contrasting worlds and the relationship involves more heartache than she could take.  She also promised herself something. The promise of not giving her heart to another man like Hector (who is willing to lose everything for something he believes in). It is that constant whisper, reminding her of the pain she has endured throughout her life and continues to suffer due to those men and their choices.  She has the power to not go through that again. Does it hurt her? Yes. It also gives her the strength to say “I will stop it now before I fall deeper and lose who I am to this.”

Her whispers guide her, they come with trauma, they come with the memory of her daughters. They come with the pain of seeing her youngest killed at the hands of her husband in the protection of something material.  These emotions are mixed up with Jocasta’s whispers of if she even deserves happiness. Perhaps peace is the most she feels worthy of. I believe Jocasta is capable of receiving love, happiness and peace.  I do, sadly, agree with her. As much as I am team #Murcasta, with her history and knowledge of the kind of man she can be happy with, it won’t be Murtagh.  It probably won’t be Duncan either. I mean #Duncasta? It sounds like a super lame carnival game and #Jocan…ya gotta be. 

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Super lame…no passion for the game.

We can only hope Jocasta finds the peace she craves.

There may be times in our lives when things like plagues, past relationships and current loves unsettle us. We will take the time to listen, contemplate our actions and do our best to move in a direction that makes sense to us.

I hope that those reading this know, there are many with you if you are alone with your whispers.  I am sending you all love, peace and strength during these uncertain times. Lean on those you love and if you are struggling, reach out. I’m here.

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Get in here…

Sher xo

Don’t forget we live-tweet while viewing W Networks airing at 7pm MT. Sunday nights using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

The Weight of Guilt. My ‘not a recap’ look into Ep05 of #Outlander. Perpetual Adoration.

Outlander continues the story with another fast-paced and visually interesting episode and the whole thing is POPPIN’ for me.  The combination of Perpetual Adoration’s softness and grit was something I found all together satisfying.

This episode was alive with undertones I could have chosen for this blog.  Normally I gravitate to what sits beneath the surface and give it a tug. This time guilt pulled at me from every corner.

Every human (who is not 100% psychopath) is familiar with that feeling. No matter how righteous, how good or well-intentioned we may be, we’ve all felt guilty about something.  Guilt is shown in different ways, as we saw in our characters and we know by looking at ourselves, honestly.

The story of one man’s death encapsulated the episode for Claire. There was a heaviness she carried when Graham Menzie’s died, which spurned her actions to head to the UK and interestingly enough, into the past.

She, of course, couldn’t have predicted his death as all precautions had been taken.  We can’t count on logic to keep guilty feelings at bay, the gut/brain connection just doesn’t work that way.

Plenty of us sit with those feelings. What could we have done? If we had only…the should’ves, could’ves and would’ves that we think may have changed the trajectory of what might have happened.  We hold them over our heads with guilt because we didn’t take the actions that we have had all the time in the world to contemplate after the fact.

It’s really unfair, this game we play. No one ever wins. We can replay as many scenarios as we want, that particular moment has passed. We humans need to learn how to forgive ourselves as fast as we have taught ourselves to take on unnecessary guilt.

When Claire was speaking to Joe, it was apparent. She blames herself for getting attached to her patient and like a good friend, he smacks her with a reality check.  Our lives would be much less complicated if we cut ourselves a break, especially with those things that we can’t control. Particularly after the fact.

Pain is to the body as stress is to the mind, and guilt is to the spirit.

One of the characters I have come to truly love is Brianna. In her, I see the combination of the above quote so clearly, especially in this episode.

She literally feels her guilt, whether it is something we believe she should be feeling, she does. When something is said to her that strikes her deep, she folds in on herself. It’s as if something knocks her in the belly. Next time you watch, you will see Bree react physically to the words that connect to those feelings if you hadn’t picked up on it before. (Kudos again to Sophie Skelton for making those subtle yet strong notes for the character)

Ofttimes when we feel guilt it isn’t because we have done something against someone intentionally.  We end up in a space where we see our choices, as innocent as they may have been, caused pain to someone when we didn’t intend them to.

Bree’s guilt comes from not telling Roger the truth about the visit with Bonnet and all that came with it because it was a lot. Did she have good reason to not tell him?  Yes. Did the guilt gnaw at her? I think that was apparent.  Unburdening ourselves of the things we feel guilty about doesn’t always make us feel better though.  That, my friends, is life. Guilt causes internal pain because it’s messy and complicated. As with all other hurts, it takes time to heal.

Bree’s regret was evident. Telling Bonnet he was Jemmy’s father was something she now wished she could take back. She thought he was going to die and take her words with him.  Since he didn’t, she now must live with him knowing this information she doesn’t want to be true. More often than not, with regret comes guilt. It’s painful seeing her go through this as Brianna deserves to be free. SunnuvaBonnet has done nothing to deserve all the space he takes up in her world. 

How much guilt should we feel when we do something we know is wrong?  Is there a scale? Should others tell us the appropriate amount of guilt we should exhibit by the level of our misdeed?  Also, should we project that guilt for everyone to see?  If your neighbour knows you did a baaad baaad thing – do you make sure you look really guilty or do you walk around like you haven’t done a damn thing? 

We are now talking about Jamie.  He obviously did a pretty bad thing by killing Knox. Did he have a good reason? He thinks so (I agree). He was going to be handed over as a traitor to the Crown, likely hanged and his family/those on the ridge removed to frig knows where. It was kill or have everyone you love scattered three sheets to the wind AND be killed. 

Jamie is no stranger to the murder game. He started his career as a ‘bloody man’ pretty young in life. He killed his own uncle when Dougal caught him being a ‘traitor’.  Traitor might be Jamie’s trigger word. Call him that, he is going to turn off your lights for you.

He has killed his fair share of men in the service of protecting his family and his beliefs.  Does he feel guilt for it?  I don’t think he feels great about it however, I think Jamie compartmentalizes it. Guilt does exist for him but it’s the guilt he uses as penance. He knows what he needs to feel in order to pay for what he has done.  It is a logical pain that he carries with him. Will he show it the same way that Brianna/Claire/Roger does? No, because he married this particular kind of guilt early in his life. If he allowed it to affect him with great waves of emotion it would stop him from doing the things he needs to do. We don’t always need to see someone’s guilt to know they carry it. We only need to know they are a decent human being. 

There are plenty of us out here that have done things, admittedly on a smaller scale than, you know, murder, that we keep close to the vest. We know that our guilt may be the price we pay for the action, the secret or the lie.  That is ultimately our choice and it isn’t always a bad thing. 

People may like to believe the only way to be a good human is to be 100% honest with everyone and share exactly how we feel at all times.

That isn’t the most fitting method for everyone. Once and a while, the best people keep their mouths shut and what they are feeling to themselves. It’s almost a superpower.  

Ultimately, we determine the weight of the guilt we carry. We can also bring in someone to help us lug it around just by talking about it.  It doesn’t have to be someone involved. It can be anyone to help us take a load off for a while.   

That is why Claire had Joe, Brianna had Roger and Jamie had Adso. I mean, that kitten was pretty conveniently placed, wasn’t he?

jamie

Adso, Jamie’s immediate emotional support animal.

And you…me…we have each other. Many of us are spending much more time at home these days so I encourage you to check out other points of view about Outlander. I find other’s views of the show fascinating, especially when put together in a way that is respectful to others and spoken from a place of sharing. These are some of my favourite people who do this in the land of the interwebs, check out their websites/blogs/vlogs/chats.

Outcandour gives a brilliant, deep dive into the episodes. There is always something about the way she dissects the episode that resonates with me. I don’t tap into the same spaces she does, I end up reading them twice. I ALWAYS end up watching the episode after reading her blog, I then read it again after watching. It’s like a loop! So if I seem dizzy, blame it on T. 😘

Beth’s recaps/reflections are very different from my ‘not recaps and I love them because of that. So well written and I adore how she explains her views, helpful for those who see things from other perspectives. To me, that is the point of sharing our thoughts, not to be an echo chamber for people who agree with us but to help one another stretch a little.  Not necessarily to change people’s opinions but to have them see things from another person’s lens. I get to do that a lot with Beth and I admire her.

Erin from Three if by Space covers so many great shows so Three if by Space will keep you busy if you want busy. It’s her reviews of Outlander that I read most of course. I don’t read many reviews bc as you all know, I’m a happy finder. I want happy happy happy, even though Erin doesn’t pull any punches in her reviews, she writes with integrity. I don’t always see eye to eye with her (not just cuz she’s tiny…she IS tiny) but that isn’t the point. She expresses herself with honesty and isn’t a dick about it. I really enjoy smart people. So…I enjoy Erin, very much. 

Blacklanderz ~Vida puts together some wicked conversations, in print, between members of the Blacklanderz community. I find them fascinating. Not only do I see things from more than one perspective but I often learn things. I don’t claim to be anything other than who I am. I am a middle class, privileged, white woman. That is the lens I see through. Do I try my damned best to listen and be an ally to POC? Yes. Do I always get it right? Nope! Sitting with the community that Vida has created here, is pretty damned impressive.

Courtney and Company, from Outlander BTS. Oh, they make me smile.  They are another group of really friggen smart women that get together to talk about the episodes. I don’t always agree with them but holy shit, do I respect them. The beauty of their video discussion is they don’t always agree with each other and like the adults they are they keep the discussion going. I’m not relegating anyone here…Courtney has the most adorable dimples to go with her delightful brain, you just get the best of all the goodness.

I know there are many others, if you have a favourite, please add them to the comments. I think it would be nice to support one another in our Outlander adventures rather than get all wrapped up in things that might not bring us joy. The world is going all kinds of everything out there – we know it, we are doing what we can to stay healthy- maybe this will help us stay sane(ish).

Be well – virtual hugs…6 ft apart eh?

Sher xo

Don’t forget to live tweet with us Canadians while watching W Network at 7pm MST, using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN