The Kikki Quickie brought to you by the #TheLOVELANDERProject

That’s right, it’s a quickie. Look you bunch of pervs – not THAT kind!

This quickie is not my typical interview. Kikki Fleming, Outlander fans know him as a loveable, fierce protector. Lesley from seasons 3/4, that poor SOB that was senselessly killed off, not so courteously by that sunnuva Bonnet.

Kikki has already graciously done an interview with me, so I annoyed him until he agreed to play a silly game of “this or that” with me. To be real, I asked, he said ‘happy to’, that’s the kind of guy he is. Of course, Kikki being Kikki – he’s extra. He didn’t just answer with one word answers…he gave it his all. As he is known to do, it might be why I like him so much.

I tried to make sure my Canadian dialect was curbed to his Scottish and – there was one point where – well, you will see for yourself. Both of us thought “Maybe we should leave this out” but know what, the reason Kikki and I get on is…the things we think we should leave out we usually don’t because, fuck filters, things are funnier without them sometimes.(Including my face!)

You’ll laugh, or you won’t. EIther way – we snorted. and you can laugh at us snorting.

Enjoy the THIS or THAT of Kikki (and my odd penny thrown in- a UK penny cuz we don’t have them in Canada anymore).

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is ks.png — Kikki and I, straightfaced and serious! See…ANYONE can do it.

Dogs or Cats – Gotta go dogs. I love both, and loved the cats I’ve had…but that conditional love, arrogant independence that cats show at times- jeez…Dogs just think you’re great, you’re the best, enjoy hanging out with you having fun…and they show it.You can wrestle them, be more physical. I mean they fart, and stink sometimes after being out, but so do I!! They listen to you…kind of…they always look like they are trying to be your best friend, to understand you….cats look at you like they could care less, all about they are getting out the relationship.

Cat people, dog people, gotta love ’em all.

Burgers or Tacos – Burgers….even a bad burger can satisfy. Many of the fillings you put in Tacos you can stick on a burger…Burger is like an old school mate – you know where you are with them, and sometimes they can still surprise you. (I get surprised by burgers – especially when they tell me they are gluten-free and they aren’t- BAD surprise!)

I think someone needs to invent a burco.(was going to say tager but…🤣) Consider it a challenge.

Coffee or Tea –I think tea is my favourite drink perhaps ever. Dunking a biscuit (or cookie for you guys!) in a cup of tea at night is one of life’s luxuries…well mine anyway! I have gotten into coffee more in past few years..and I know the places I like. I think there are so many different coffee shops now, there’s no excuse for bad, burnt, over-hot coffee…competition is intense, and it isn’t rocket science. I don’t make coffee at home really, but I know my tea, and which tea bags…M & S Gold Label are great, as is Yorkshire tea and of course, Scottish Blend! (I can’t handle tea, it’s a childhood disturbance though. I’m special like that. I know better than to get between peeps ‘ their tea though.)

Watching or playing sports – As a kid I played a lot of soccer…every day occurrence. But these days not so much. I think the last full game I played was in Connecticut actually, on a public playing field which had nets – and grass. That would never happen here..folk would be off with the nets in a flash – and the grass….hahaha!

TV or Films – I think our lifestyles have dictated that our attention spans lean more towards TV, and the accessibility of channels like Netflix etc, mean we can control when we watch stuff now – bingeing on series and shows. I think the quality of TV has vastly improved and has come to rival that of the movies. Films and movies still hold that magical fantastical element though, and nothing can quite replace that special occasion going to see something on a huge screen and getting utterly immersed in it.

Wet or Dry -Yeah, I know what I’m doing. Thin ice here…..clearly depends on what we are talking about…knowing you, I’ll say …..humour!! hahahaha – dry, every time..good dry sense of humour. Martini – dry definitely. Weather, we all love the dry don’t we..unless it’s not meant to be and we are fucking up the planet. The Rainforest is so-called for a reason….I have been there and was soaking for 5 wonderful weeks…let’s keep it that way…like my -!!! (The man gets me, I tell ya. He took it in every direction I knew he would. Well played!)

Dry and Wet – both are necessary for life. 😘

Beaches or Munros –As much as I love my beautiful country, I am under no illusion of it’s inability to provide certainty of weather conditions, and being up a Munro as snow, hail, and fog hit, at the height of summer, hold no dewy eyed lure for me. Looking out to the horizon, to the prospect of opportunity and discovery, and then the other way to the cocktail bar, then up to the sun, however ………

Busy city or quiet country – Ye see, it depends – on a lot of factors ..which city, which country, what state am I in, what do I need? I think the company can make even a place like Coventry for instance seem blissful! I lived in London for 10 years, and a wonderful time, at times too much, but it can wear you down. When I moved back to Scotland, I really appreciated having more personal space, and wondered how I had lasted so long down south. Some of my best times have come in bustling cities – New York, Amsterdam, Lisbon, Chicago, Cape Town – but then the beauty and tranquility of the Tuscan countryside, wonder of the Borneo jungle, the escape to a remote cottage on West coast of Scotland – marvellous self-chosen isolation. I think sometimes we are scared of missing out – so I’ll go for the relaxation of the quiet! (I too, had my city years. I sit in my city house and watch the UK show Escape to the Country – so that’s MY take)

Toilet roll: over or under hahaha…believe or not, but when filming in Cape Town, James Kirk and I had this discussion..as in, how do you wipe your arse..do you stand or remain seated!!? Time on our hands , eh! Not poop however! I’m an over with my reach…though, another actor, Kevin Lennon, wonderful man, he tried to put me on to the under method in rehearsal – what is it with actors?!- told me it would change my life. I tried, but, it’s muscle memory and instinctively my method kicks in. I know I’ve not been doing it wrong, but didn’t realise it was one of those personal conversations that would come up now and then!
ps – I just realised what you actually meant, but I like my answer, so I’m keeping it as is! I sat for a second and then proceeded to laugh until I had tears falling down my face. It’s a good thing he is on a different continent cuz I would have went to his door to razz the shit outta him about that one. TOTAL pun intended.

These are the things people bond over, you know it.

Slapstick or Dark Humour – Dark Humour…comedy is one of the last things standing from the sanctimonious, sanitising do-gooder mob that is threatening every art form. Good dark humour can actually enlighten us to the fucked up-ness that is currently around us. People get too confused and angry about content/context/target in comedy these days…folk will actually watch an act they know will be offensive, so they can then go and complain they were offended!! How fucked up is that? You get up there and make us laugh then, you lonely no mates arsehole…..a joke is sometimes just a joke, not necessarily a point of view..the comedian may have twisted the truth, or their own personal viewpoint to make the joke work…..and the best comedians are true artists..stop sniffling their work..just don’t watch them! People are dicks...Slapstick…the greats are good..really good….Airplane! is one of my favourite movies of all time…but there is so much horror around in the world these days, it’s hard to ignore. Plus, we have a couple of complete slapstick fucking muppets running supposedly great countries on either side of the Atlantic – who could improve on that!? (Hearing you on ALL levels. Comedians are meant stand on that line in society and bring levity when there is very little – plus – comedians, like anyone else will not please everyone, everytime. We also have to be careful of judging ones from 20 yrs ago on today’s social evolutions, IMO. If they STILL did that material – yeah – not cool. But when we know better, we do better. When it comes to comedy – if you don’t like someone’s humour – DON’T pay attention to them, don’t give them your money or a neat trick, you do not have to like everything someone has to say to appreciate some of the things they do. WHOOOAAAA. How’s that for a concept?! As for the slapstick muppets…dude…you are not wrong! Ocean bookends)

Summer or Winter – One of my pleasures, addictions, is buying parkas, coats, jackets….and I love having the cold weather so I can justify having bought them. But there is a nothing pleasant about the imposition of a rotten winter . My favourite time of the day is summer when the sun just starts to set. It’s still light, still warm, but not oppressive. That’s when the cool bats come out to swoop swoop and rock rock! (I was with ya until you said bats were cool…)

Truth or Dare – The truth seems to be such an obscure and rare thing these days, esp from those figures we look towards for leadership and guidance, so a good dose of it is welcome. A dare however…we all need to do something each day that scares us…so Dare..although that will include truth for many. (I’m gonna hold you to that one, heading to Scotland in 2 yrs…)

Heels or flats – Yet again, depends who’s wearing them. I wear a lot of trainers, so I’ll go flats. If my you mean my preference on women, then I don’t mind as I’m normally looking into my partners eyes anyway! (NICELY DONE!)

Straight or mixed – Hahaha…another time bomb question, depending on how I answer….Offended by my choice of orientation at an orgy!! Come one come all…!!Drinks-wise….hmmm…I love a cocktail, you might have noticed esp Whisky Sour, but I’m not really into spirit and coke or lemonade etc….Gin and tonic however….mixed is good though…mix it up, come ooooon!! (Sorry, he didn’t take the bait for the orgy question 🙄😋)

If there IS a next time. He might block me after this one.

Passenger or driver – depends who is driving, clearly!! I do like driving, but not when I don’t know where I am. Happy to be driven…as long as I’m not pompous about it!

Thriller or Comedy – Great thrillers tend to stick with you for longer…they delve deeper into the soul and psyche…Though Airplane! and Naked Gun are the exception to that rule! (Don’t call me Shirley!)

Work or Play hard – I love my job, when I can do it, and there is a clue in doing something called a ‘play’…we are playing at being other people…..It can be hard work, but as long as that is for the right reason then they both go hand in hand. All work and no play makes Kikki a dull boy.

Intelligence or humour – Sense of humour every time. Some of my heroes, Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey..great learned informed minds…world-leaders in their fields of expertise…passionate, dedicated to the cause. They have sacrificed so much for what they believe in…and I hold them in such high esteem for those very reasons.But ye cannae learn a sense of humour…..nothing more disappointing than having to explain a joke, whether it be yours or someone else’s….we all know someone like that – how can someone so bright, appear so thick. (The way I explain a joke…”Nevermind”.)

Save or Spend – Spend – I wish I was better, but hey I still haven’t found the ultimate parka, and I can’t take it with me anyway. (Well, see, how lucky are you that you have a friend like me?)

https://www.ssense.com/en-ca/men/designers/canada-goose – Made of the ANGRIEST feathers known to man.

Day or Night – I like the promise and opportunity of a new day, but due to hours of my profession, a lot of the magic happens at night, so Night it is! (I guess it’s a good thing we all know he is an ACTOR because if we didn’t…)

Piercing or Tattoos – I have none…..never considered a piercing ever, though tattoo yes several…just what to get…John Lennon, Billy Connolly, or the date of the greatest football game in my lifetime, Hibs pumping Sevco in 2016 Scottish cup Final have been the main candidates….Then it’s where will it go blah blah …and never happened. I like the idea of a tattoo, but I’ve seen a lot of shit ones..plus if it’s on yer arm you’ve got to keep then biceps pumped up, or when the skin gets a bit loose Billy or John end up resembling Mother Theresa. (The visual alone. I think you should go for the classic face tat…those seem popular.)

Weird or Crazy – yet again depends how they affect your life. Crazy is good, exhilarating , as long as safety comes into play. Weird is intriguing if it’s as a watcher, but if it’s weird for weirds sake, then gettaefu! Not welcome. (I don’t think you are either but I think you are both. I know I am right. Make sense?)

Kikki and Ed Speleers at Outlandish Vancouver

Sweet or Salty – My partner would say sweet for me, as life’s luxury is cup of tea and a biscuit…but I rarely order a pudding when out for a meal. Starter and main course, just in case anyone was looking at their budget plan for taking me out, so I’d say salty. (You? Salty? Yeah…I see it.😏)

Being too warm or too cold – Too cold…then I could put on one of my jackets….Bingo!!!! (Same! Well, I might have to borrow one of your parkas. I live in a country it gets so cold my face hurts but I only have one winter coat and its not a parka. My trick is…stay the hell at home.)

I am always grateful when Kikki takes time out of his days to chat with me. I have come to more than admire his work or think he is this cool guy from TV. He has shown me genuine compassion and made me laugh til my stomach hurts. The love he has for his partner and his friends shows me, no matter where we go in this world – we will connect with “our people”. They are, indeed, everywhere. I know I already said it to you, Kikki, but thanks again for taking part in The LOVELANDER Project. I might just hit you up for another game…cuz…well…you are you.