Outlander continues the story with another fast-paced and visually interesting episode and the whole thing is POPPIN’ for me. The combination of Perpetual Adoration’s softness and grit was something I found all together satisfying.
This episode was alive with undertones I could have chosen for this blog. Normally I gravitate to what sits beneath the surface and give it a tug. This time guilt pulled at me from every corner.
Every human (who is not 100% psychopath) is familiar with that feeling. No matter how righteous, how good or well-intentioned we may be, we’ve all felt guilty about something. Guilt is shown in different ways, as we saw in our characters and we know by looking at ourselves, honestly.
The story of one man’s death encapsulated the episode for Claire. There was a heaviness she carried when Graham Menzie’s died, which spurned her actions to head to the UK and interestingly enough, into the past.
She, of course, couldn’t have predicted his death as all precautions had been taken. We can’t count on logic to keep guilty feelings at bay, the gut/brain connection just doesn’t work that way.
Plenty of us sit with those feelings. What could we have done? If we had only…the should’ves, could’ves and would’ves that we think may have changed the trajectory of what might have happened. We hold them over our heads with guilt because we didn’t take the actions that we have had all the time in the world to contemplate after the fact.
It’s really unfair, this game we play. No one ever wins. We can replay as many scenarios as we want, that particular moment has passed. We humans need to learn how to forgive ourselves as fast as we have taught ourselves to take on unnecessary guilt.
When Claire was speaking to Joe, it was apparent. She blames herself for getting attached to her patient and like a good friend, he smacks her with a reality check. Our lives would be much less complicated if we cut ourselves a break, especially with those things that we can’t control. Particularly after the fact.
One of the characters I have come to truly love is Brianna. In her, I see the combination of the above quote so clearly, especially in this episode.
She literally feels her guilt, whether it is something we believe she should be feeling, she does. When something is said to her that strikes her deep, she folds in on herself. It’s as if something knocks her in the belly. Next time you watch, you will see Bree react physically to the words that connect to those feelings if you hadn’t picked up on it before. (Kudos again to Sophie Skelton for making those subtle yet strong notes for the character)
Ofttimes when we feel guilt it isn’t because we have done something against someone intentionally. We end up in a space where we see our choices, as innocent as they may have been, caused pain to someone when we didn’t intend them to.
Bree’s guilt comes from not telling Roger the truth about the visit with Bonnet and all that came with it because it was a lot. Did she have good reason to not tell him? Yes. Did the guilt gnaw at her? I think that was apparent. Unburdening ourselves of the things we feel guilty about doesn’t always make us feel better though. That, my friends, is life. Guilt causes internal pain because it’s messy and complicated. As with all other hurts, it takes time to heal.
Bree’s regret was evident. Telling Bonnet he was Jemmy’s father was something she now wished she could take back. She thought he was going to die and take her words with him. Since he didn’t, she now must live with him knowing this information she doesn’t want to be true. More often than not, with regret comes guilt. It’s painful seeing her go through this as Brianna deserves to be free. SunnuvaBonnet has done nothing to deserve all the space he takes up in her world.
How much guilt should we feel when we do something we know is wrong? Is there a scale? Should others tell us the appropriate amount of guilt we should exhibit by the level of our misdeed? Also, should we project that guilt for everyone to see? If your neighbour knows you did a baaad baaad thing – do you make sure you look really guilty or do you walk around like you haven’t done a damn thing?
We are now talking about Jamie. He obviously did a pretty bad thing by killing Knox. Did he have a good reason? He thinks so (I agree). He was going to be handed over as a traitor to the Crown, likely hanged and his family/those on the ridge removed to frig knows where. It was kill or have everyone you love scattered three sheets to the wind AND be killed.
Jamie is no stranger to the murder game. He started his career as a ‘bloody man’ pretty young in life. He killed his own uncle when Dougal caught him being a ‘traitor’. Traitor might be Jamie’s trigger word. Call him that, he is going to turn off your lights for you.
He has killed his fair share of men in the service of protecting his family and his beliefs. Does he feel guilt for it? I don’t think he feels great about it however, I think Jamie compartmentalizes it. Guilt does exist for him but it’s the guilt he uses as penance. He knows what he needs to feel in order to pay for what he has done. It is a logical pain that he carries with him. Will he show it the same way that Brianna/Claire/Roger does? No, because he married this particular kind of guilt early in his life. If he allowed it to affect him with great waves of emotion it would stop him from doing the things he needs to do. We don’t always need to see someone’s guilt to know they carry it. We only need to know they are a decent human being.
There are plenty of us out here that have done things, admittedly on a smaller scale than, you know, murder, that we keep close to the vest. We know that our guilt may be the price we pay for the action, the secret or the lie. That is ultimately our choice and it isn’t always a bad thing.
People may like to believe the only way to be a good human is to be 100% honest with everyone and share exactly how we feel at all times.
That isn’t the most fitting method for everyone. Once and a while, the best people keep their mouths shut and what they are feeling to themselves. It’s almost a superpower.
Ultimately, we determine the weight of the guilt we carry. We can also bring in someone to help us lug it around just by talking about it. It doesn’t have to be someone involved. It can be anyone to help us take a load off for a while.
That is why Claire had Joe, Brianna had Roger and Jamie had Adso. I mean, that kitten was pretty conveniently placed, wasn’t he?
And you…me…we have each other. Many of us are spending much more time at home these days so I encourage you to check out other points of view about Outlander. I find other’s views of the show fascinating, especially when put together in a way that is respectful to others and spoken from a place of sharing. These are some of my favourite people who do this in the land of the interwebs, check out their websites/blogs/vlogs/chats.
Outcandour gives a brilliant, deep dive into the episodes. There is always something about the way she dissects the episode that resonates with me. I don’t tap into the same spaces she does, I end up reading them twice. I ALWAYS end up watching the episode after reading her blog, I then read it again after watching. It’s like a loop! So if I seem dizzy, blame it on T. 😘
Beth’s recaps/reflections are very different from my ‘not recaps and I love them because of that. So well written and I adore how she explains her views, helpful for those who see things from other perspectives. To me, that is the point of sharing our thoughts, not to be an echo chamber for people who agree with us but to help one another stretch a little. Not necessarily to change people’s opinions but to have them see things from another person’s lens. I get to do that a lot with Beth and I admire her.
Erin from Three if by Space covers so many great shows so Three if by Space will keep you busy if you want busy. It’s her reviews of Outlander that I read most of course. I don’t read many reviews bc as you all know, I’m a happy finder. I want happy happy happy, even though Erin doesn’t pull any punches in her reviews, she writes with integrity. I don’t always see eye to eye with her (not just cuz she’s tiny…she IS tiny) but that isn’t the point. She expresses herself with honesty and isn’t a dick about it. I really enjoy smart people. So…I enjoy Erin, very much.
Blacklanderz ~Vida puts together some wicked conversations, in print, between members of the Blacklanderz community. I find them fascinating. Not only do I see things from more than one perspective but I often learn things. I don’t claim to be anything other than who I am. I am a middle class, privileged, white woman. That is the lens I see through. Do I try my damned best to listen and be an ally to POC? Yes. Do I always get it right? Nope! Sitting with the community that Vida has created here, is pretty damned impressive.
Courtney and Company, from Outlander BTS. Oh, they make me smile. They are another group of really friggen smart women that get together to talk about the episodes. I don’t always agree with them but holy shit, do I respect them. The beauty of their video discussion is they don’t always agree with each other and like the adults they are they keep the discussion going. I’m not relegating anyone here…Courtney has the most adorable dimples to go with her delightful brain, you just get the best of all the goodness.
I know there are many others, if you have a favourite, please add them to the comments. I think it would be nice to support one another in our Outlander adventures rather than get all wrapped up in things that might not bring us joy. The world is going all kinds of everything out there – we know it, we are doing what we can to stay healthy- maybe this will help us stay sane(ish).
Be well – virtual hugs…6 ft apart eh?
Don’t forget to live tweet with us Canadians while watching W Network at 7pm MST, using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN
I have been trying to find a graceful way to open up this blog. Should I be eloquent and flowery or hard-hitting and humorous? I settled on being a bit all over the place – it suits my mood and my nature.
I have wanted to write about the women on Outlander for a while, I chose now because it is helping me pass the time until Season 5 airs. I figure like attracts like making this mutually beneficial.
Those who watch Outlander are exposed to women who are brave, strong, stubborn and determined. They grapple with heartbreak and persevere. They love fiercely and protect one another. Do they have flaws and imperfections? Ummmm, yeah! We all do. It’s another reason they are believable and relatable. That is what this blog is really about. How is it that we, as women in 2020 relate to these fictional women set so far in the past (mostly)?
I knew I wasn’t the only person that saw myself in these women on the screen. I was aware that this is how we stay involved and connected, or not. This made me ask those in my twitter bubble, what woman in Outlander did they relate to the most and why? The question wasn’t specifically for women to answer but no men jumped in to tell me which woman they related to, hopefully in the comments, some will. (Not who they like the most, who they relate to – just making it clear).
Gender stereotypes on television have been played to death and it’s intriguing that we have gone back to the 1700s to see them getting knocked around. Of course, we still see them in characters like Mrs. Fitz, from season 1. She was a dutiful head housekeeper to Colum. She warned Claire, if she did as told, she would gain favour with The MacKenzie. She caused no stir when her grand-daughter was about to be beaten in the great hall. Yet, she stood up to the likes of Father Bain. She ran that kitchen at Leoch like a boss and she smacked around the highlanders if they messed around in her domain. She was granted authority and demanded respect even still abiding by some of the patriarchal rules. I mean, historical accuracy is always a thing in a period drama.
That bit about Mrs. Fitz wasn’t mentioned as a part of who she was when people replied to my query on Twitter. I do love the hashtaggery.
All of these women are aware of Mrs. Fitz’s place in the Outlander universe. It is with their 21st-century lens they are able to pull her strength and fortitude forward. I don’t think they are ignoring Mrs. Fitz’s place in her 18th-century life, I believe they accept and see that Mrs. Fitz was bucking her place where and when she could without putting her life in danger. Something a great majority of women have done – for centuries. Those women hold shit together while making a difference behind the scenes, subtle changes that help push society forward. It may not be as loud and in your face as some but it still has an impact.
Jenny was a younger, stronger and higher ‘ranked’ version of Mrs. Fitz. For an 18th century woman, Jenny really did have and do it all. Career (Lady of Lallybroch for all intents and purposes), children and adoring husband. This maverick of woman could express milk and torture a dude all in the same day. Her strong personality and capabilities help today’s women feel empowered by their own image of “doing it all”.
As we read these tweets we see that these women not only relate to the character of Jenny, they can see themselves as her and she as them. Being Jenny is exhausting work. Besides taking care of everything and everyone – there were plenty of shite pots that needed stirring. 😜
Joking aside, this is why seeing representation on the screen is important. If it is powerful for someone like @ChaoticOctopus who has 6 children, imagine what it is like for women who understand what being abused and manipulated is like.
We might be surprised to know that there are women that feel a kinship with (the often slammed) Laoghaire. If we take a moment to open our hearts, minds and gather some empathy, it shouldn’t be surprised. My friends express it very well below.
Sure, some people are pure evil. I don’t think Laoghaire is one of them. She is a product of her environment and eventually, her bitterness clouds a lot of her story. This is not a Laoghaire trait. It is a human one. It isn’t a flaw that is singular to her, it is one that many of us live in. We tend to judge others for doing it instead of recognizing it in ourselves. I was humbled to see women confident enough in their own character to say they related to Laoghaire. I think many of us, whether we like to admit it or not have had the same feelings of jealousy and bitterness in our lives. Sure, we probably wouldn’t have sent someone to burn – but who knows, it’s not really an option these days either, so there is that.
There is also the fact that I don’t believe that someone truly evil would be able to raise a daughter like Marsali. She is quickly becoming one of the women on Outlander that we are falling in love with. Her character started out prickly against Claire, not shocking given the circumstances from her viewpoint. Marsali is no dummy, she feels deeply and goes by the information she has. Once she had more information, her disposition changed.
Marsali is seen as someone who is clever and uses her observations shrewdly. She doesn’t strike anyone as a wallflower. Many fans note her loyalty as one of her most relatable qualities. I believe that the way she was introduced to us showed her loyalty first and foremost but because of the way so many feel about Laoghaire, I suppose some felt it was misplaced. When we step out of our own perceptions and step into Marsali’s I think we can have empathy for her. She loves her mother. She sees her hurting and the source of her pain is caused by this woman who dropped out of the clear blue sky. Any of us thinking we would react calmly and love Claire, probably doesn’t remember being a teenage girl.
Thank goodness Marsali’s loyalties didn’t disappear, they only grew.
Season 4 brought us Marsali’s fierce loyalty to a fever pitch, do anything for family and not just along for the ride but literally in the driver’s seat on the excitement side of things. Her courage was not only entertaining to watch it was plainly setting the tone for what we have to look forward to. There is no doubt that we will have many relating to her character in season 5.
My friend Cat of @CatsandKilts was the one person who mentioned relating to Lizzie. You know the one, Lizzie, who went by exactly the information she had seen, processed what made sense and drew conclusions based on said information. Like every single person does every single day. In the Outlander universe, this always has crazy consequences. Cat is a brave fan by admitting she feels a kinship to her since Lizzie took a lot of heat last season. Which was kind of a bummer because Lizzie is so many of us, fallible and doing the best she can.
“Tries to do right tho she often fails.” I mean, how vulnerable and human is that statement? We all know how this feels but we rarely say it out loud. We all make assumptions about someone or a situation just by catching a glimpse yet we don’t always admit if we were wrong. Though if someone does this to us or someone we care about – the hell to pay – hot AF.
Another woman who made her Outlander debut was Aunt Jocasta Cameron. She was mentioned in season 1, during the Wedding when Jamie was weaving his family tree together for Claire. We finally met this formidable woman for ourselves. She made quite the impression. Some say she was a mix of Colum and Dougal, I prefer to say Colum/Dougal and Brian all borrowed pieces of HER. Cunning, determined and affectionate is the perfect Jocasta blend. There is definitely more to her than what she shows us. She is the blind one but that seems to be a subtle nod to “You can’t see me either”.
The two studies of Jo above, show us how detailed our personal lens can be when viewing characters on screen. They both relate to her for very different reasons, yet both are powerful and full of meaning. Both are also 100% accurate.
I am endlessly fascinated by women. How we relate to one another, how we lift each other up or tear one another down, the mechanics of our pasts and the trajectories of our futures. The layers/levels/shades and intricacies can’t be explained easily. Though we can see some of these dynamics when we pay attention to how we relate to one another, how we respond to one another’s personalities and the things that make us…well…us.
I was pleasantly surprised at how many identified with Brianna. I have seen some interesting assessments of Bree on social media over the years. It is my belief, the wonderful people in the tweets below…get her. They see her for who she is, why she is that way and how that makes her special. They know those traits aren’t always perfect. In truth, none of us are and nor should we be.
Perhaps some of Brianna’s qualities go unnoticed so people downplay her. I hope with these women pointing out why they relate to her, others may start to see some things they may have missed before. For instance, her creativity (not everyone can draw the way she can draw) and intelligence (engineering, need I say more?).
Bree, like her mother, chose a career that was male-dominated. Even by today’s standards, women are still underrepresented in the Engineering field. Have things gotten better since the 1960s? Of course. Are they where they should be? No. That is why we have women like Claire and Brianna to represent these themes. Hopefully, it inspires other shows to focus on POC and LGBTQ+ in these types of storylines in shows with target markets like Outlander has.
The matriarch of Outlander, as we all know is Claire. She can’t be described in a few words for the reason that she is notably complex. We have seen her as a nurse from WW2 to a stranger who was dropped into Jacobite era Scotland. She bounced through time, lovers, became a mother and eventually a grandmother. There is a dizzying amount of person there as you will see when we head to this twitter breakdown.
I don’t think I was surprised when it was she who had the largest number of people feeling they related to her. I mean, many of us really take a shine to some of those classic Claire lines.
I’m right there with Julia. The first second someone wants to control my decision making – the hackles engage. Oppositional defiance. Whatever you want to call it, I feel it in my bones. That is one of those things that will connect some of us to Claire. I mean, someone tells her “Stay here.” She hears “Runaway at the first opportunity”.
See what I mean? She does what she damn well pleases when she damn well pleases. The housework thing is mostly from the book but same – same. It wasn’t heavy-handed while reading. It was subtle and if it was something you personally identified with you would pick up on it. Which obviously, a few of us did. Imagine it was laundry day on the ridge, everyone is heaving heavy yards of linen and scrubbing in washbasins, Claire would run out of a herb and have to go traipsing through the woods. “OH NO! I ran out of cameltoes guys! George from the pond down the road needs some for his glaucoma! Biiyeeeee!”
Yes, depending on how we live our lives and the focus of our lens – we will get 2 reactions “OMG, ME TOO!” or “UGH! So selfish!” Both can be right. It comes down to empathy, understanding and kindness. It is never that black and white. We can pretend it is, so our point can be simplified and easily argued however, life and relationships rarely are that simple. That is why when those simple things are explained by a point of view, it helps us ‘get it’.
Now, we might think “I’m not the meek and obedient type” is what makes us relate to Claire. When Karen explains the WHY, she peeled back the layers and showed us. It reveals it’s not only surface ‘stuff’. The connections we have to these characters are strong and often personal. We, as fans, could be kinder to one another sometimes if we took a mental note of this.
Relating to them also brings out a desire to develop characteristics we admire. Sorcha mentions this in her tweet about Claire. It makes me grateful that we are exposed to these personalities and qualities on screen. We may see aspects of their spirit we would like to emulate, this supports our purpose to grow as individuals as we move forward and upward in our lives.
It is obvious to me that even though the men on Outlander get a lot of attention, the WOMEN OF OUTLANDER have developed profound connections with those watching. We may draw comfort from them or they may infuriate us but one thing is certain, these women are like us. They love passionately, struggle with heartbreak, lash out and experience joy.
Here is to seeing our favourites still with us (and a few more new ones) #RockTheRidge in season 5!
PS- if you didn’t get to weigh in on what women you relate to in the Outlander universe and why, please leave a comment. I would love to hear more.
PSS-Don’t forget we will be live-tweeting while watching on W Network here in Canada, using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN!
That got your attention huh? Just like the cold but hot open of this episode probably got you. I know my attention was captured, but a naked Roger will do that.
Now, this may be very obvious to everyone out there and you may say to me that this blog is the worst of the season because I haven’t dug deep enough and that’s fair. I don’t think I really did. This just stuck with me through the 3 times I watched. It became more and more obvious and the reality is, I wanted to talk about it, so I am.
In this episode, our characters were on full display. They might as well have been playing their parts how Roger started the show for us. In the raw. That would have made the dinner party a lot less appetizing mind you.
The levels of exposure we saw in If Not For Hope went deep. This may take me a while so you might want to pour yourself something hot or cold, grab a snack or two.
The obvious is Roger. His literal nakedness isn’t just there for our viewing pleasure. I believe it speaks to a few things. He is now stripped completely of who he was. The buttoned-up historian of many layers. Each one tore away until he was bare and now, being recreated. This Roger we will get to know was always beneath the layers but had no reason to be exposed. The layers have been ripped away and no longer protect him, this Roger steps forward to run the show. Well, at least keep one foot in front of the other. Which is all we can seem to hope for.
Granted, Roger himself wasn’t physically present in the episode but make no mistake, he was there. Through Brianna, Claire, Jamie, Ian and even Lord John, each bringing him to the surface. They repeatedly reminded us of how perilous Roger’s situation is. How he was relying on them to save him from this situation they had a hand in placing him in (except Lord John…he’s cool).
Roger is completely on the outside of all of this. He has no reason to believe anyone is looking for him. He has to trust that Brianna loves him as much as he loves her. That, my friends, is blind faith. Which is perhaps the most vulnerable anyone can make themselves emotionally. This is intricately tied to the horrific moment at the end of the episode. Roger makes himself just as vulnerable physically. He realizes what he needs to do. He stands to accept a substantial beating at the hands of his captors in a type of gauntlet, a blind faith, trusting he is strong enough to make it through.
Personally, I would have rathered another shower scene. Richard Rankin, for the lack of screen time, has most certainly given Roger a surprising amount of depth.
I will add, it would be fantastic to see either, in conversation or flashback, what happened at those damnable stones. Richard conveys so much of what Roger thinks in facial expression alone (something I think this cast is flippin’ remarkable at) I would love a peek at that moment.
Please know I do not view vulnerability as weakness. It is a state of being from which each one of us needs to be in, in order to trust or love.
In Brianna’s case, she was all over the vulnerability scale from frailty, threat, disquiet and even pliancy during this episode. She was open to her own pain, in fact, the first moment we saw her in this episode she was in the midst of drawing it. Lizzie saw this as demons. They were in a sense, Brianna’s own demons…of sadness, anger and worry.
Speaking of Brianna’s drawings, it seemed she was using them to expose her disquiet. The opening credits showed many pictures of the slaves at work. Phaedre came into her room, Brianna saw how the light caught her face, she asked Phaedre to sit so she could draw her. To me, this showed Brianna’s discomfort with the way this world was working around her. She was able to capture that and put it to paper. I do believe Phaedre was pleased with being seen by Brianna, yet, you could feel her unease. Even if she were safe with Brianna at that moment, she was only safe with Brianna at that moment. The second someone else came into that room that safety would disappear instantly.
Next is Brianna, exposed lamb to the slaughter, Tinder 1700’s version. This was painful to watch with a modern eye. I had to keep facepalming myself to reset.
Seeing Brianna have to shut down the fake compliments, the greasy ‘we should ride into town alone together after just meeting one another’ and ‘hey, my mom doesn’t know I’m gay, let’s pretend to be bff’s.’, was too much. Brianna made the right call with the fake ‘case of the vapours’ to get the hell out of there. I now know why so many women fainted back in those days and it wasn’t because of the tight corsets. Women are tougher than that. It was to get the hell out of the room and away from all the creeps. They literally had to pretend they were unconscious before people would let them leave the damn room.
After the delightful dinner party (she says with dripping sarcasm), Jocasta gets some alone time with Brianna and in that small amount of time Brianna pliancy grew. At first, she started this conversation out strong but Jocasta, always cunning, knows exactly which string to pull to unravel even the most complex of patterns and she does just that. She grabbed onto the Roger and baby strings and pulled, hard. Brianna went from bold to pliant, which is a completely different variant of vulnerability. Jocasta used the perfect words to cut Brianna down and weaken her ‘Roger’s gone…no matter dead or alive. GONE.’ ‘If your baby is born out of wedlock, their life is RUINED.’ Brianna is brought to the point of being forced to look at her situation as the condition it is being referred to.
Jumping ahead Brianna is armed with what she thinks is the blackmail of the century. Bree decided to hit LJG where it hurts, in the ‘being gay is punishable by death’ spot. She felt this was a pretty great plan, she could coerce him into marrying her because she knew this big secret and he would never want to sleep with her because he didn’t like women. Win Win. LJG is a great guy and all but he isn’t one to be trifled with. He clapped back, letting her know the Vaginawagon wasn’t in mint condition and she would do well to stand down.
That moment with LJG is where Bree is the most exposed. She allowed him to know all the details of her pregnancy and her desire to protect her child even over her own happiness. It proves it doesn’t matter if we are trying to show others how strong we are, if there are cracks in the armour, someone will get through it. Even if it ends up being us, no one can stay locked in there forever. It’s stifling.
Lord John Grey. That name deserves a moment. He isn’t one you would feel is in a state of vulnerability given his status. Lord John, however, is a man who happens to love men. In colonial America, this is a crime punishable by death. This instantly makes Lord John a person in jeopardy. The moment he is introduced to Brianna you can see him soften from Lord John Grey…to John, Jamie’s friend. Which in itself brings an openness to him. Since he is raising Willie, Jamie’s son, it makes sense that he would have a soft spot for Brianna, Jamie’s daughter. You would think when LJG is most vulnerable is when Bree exposes his throat and threatens to chow down on it by telling the world he is gay. The idea may be threatening but after the initial imagery passes, he knows this won’t happen. The moments he is truly most vulnerable is when he is speaking of his relationship with Jamie and Claire. When he speaks to her of Willie. Many of LJGs vulnerabilities lay in the secrets he must keep. The more people he opens himself up to, the more likely those secrets will be exposed.
Lord John chose to keep Brianna and the child safe by becoming engaged to her. It was LJG , after all, who told Bree to trust that Jamie and Claire would bring Roger back. By promising to marry her, he was giving her the hope she needed and saving her heart from breaking any more.
It certainly was beautiful to see Marsali and Fergus again. Their relationship is one I wish we could get more of. They are strong and fierce but when it comes to one another, so tender. Fergus is being attacked by a toxic mentality of not being ‘man’ enough and Marsali is requesting Murtagh fix it. She knows very well she could tell Fergus, a million times, he is more man than anyone, it won’t make a difference. Until Fergus feels that himself, it will tear at him.
When we love someone, even things we are not responsible for, weigh heavily on us. We want to fix them, which will sometimes cause us to be exposed to our own vulnerabilities. Marsali is not a fan of asking for help, but she does, for her husband. It works out perfectly in the end as Fergus feels needed but also knows his place is with his family.
Marsali knew she wasn’t responsible for Fergus’s pain but she worried about it. We see Jamie worrying about Brianna’s pain, and he did cause hers. Naturally, this is weighing very heavily on not only him but Claire. Both are in solitary and pensive states.
I believe as long as Brianna feels angry, Jamie will feel guilty. That is par for the course, isn’t it? As family dynamics go, when we hurt someone, intentionally or not, most will stew about it, worry, wonder what we can do (if we can do) anything to fix it. Jamie was in his own head, as he should be. A big part of forgiveness is beating ourselves up, I think we all know that.
Taking responsibility for our actions means owning them and feeling bad they happened. Wrapping it all together means having apologized and trying to make things better. Sadly, when we attempt to make things better we become vulnerable to not being forgiven. That is the scariest thing of all. When we have created pain for someone, it is never up to us if they can move past it. I think that is why Jamie is in this space he has created. Jamie’s future happiness as a father to Brianna is 100% out of his control. What an all together powerless feeling, but one he understands, from the things he said.
Claire knows some of this though, she is the healer. She does that for them both, physically and emotionally. She identifies the wound, assesses the treatment and then, she does the best she can. The same we do for those we love. In turn, we expect those who love us to accept it. This couple is best when they share their vulnerabilities and allow the other to be the strength where they lack. With each struggle, bump in the road, argument and disappointment – couples grow. We see Claire and Jamie settled into their life as a couple but still growing and that’s important.
Knowing we are watching Brianna and Roger in their infancy as a couple excites me because it means we still have so much more to look forward to. There is nowhere to go but up.
Now that I wasted a whole hour of your day, I will wrap it up. I could go on to mention every character and how they were vulnerable and exposed but even I get tired of myself…
When we get naked, let our vulnerabilities be exposed – do we do it knowing there is the possibility of getting hurt? Do we hide our nakedness all together so no one has the opportunity to hurt us but we are so lonely…it hurts? Maybe we only allow certain people to catch a glimpse here and there and still find ourselves harmed in some way.
Life is messy, isn’t it? It’s messy…but it’s beautiful. It’s chaotic…but it’s an adventure. What we focus on expands…what are we choosing to look at?
We only have 2 more episodes left before the next Droughtlander commences my friends, this had gone by so fast!
Sher (Founder of the ABOotlanders)
Please live tweet with us Canadians as we watch on W Network at 8pm MST using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN
We experienced yet another powerful episode with The Deep Heart’s Core. Season 4 just keeps my brain in gear which I am not sure is such a great thing cuz I think it might be getting warped from overuse. It certainly has refreshed all those years of human behaviour seminars I took back in the day.
I don’t exactly do recaps with my blog this season, I kind of pick something that stands out to me. You might be on the same wavelength I am (if that is the case, you may want to seek help because I am not sure that’s altogether healthy) and you will think to yourself…well OBVIOUSLY…in that case, I suppose I’m not as unique as my mother told me I was.
This episode was not a comfortable one. I don’t think it was written to be. In fact, I think it was meant to give you that feeling of discomfort. Of being unsettled and not feeling right in your own skin, like things were ready to fall apart at any time.
Let’s open with the conversation Bree had with her bio-Da about her rape. That in itself shows us that Brianna feels a certain level of trust with Jamie now. She is asking for his help in processing the trauma she has experienced. She doesn’t need to give him names, dates or details to share her pain. Most victims can tell you that isn’t how it works. The things they need to let go of first are the could haves, would haves, should haves. Shedding the blame, guilt and shame are critical to recovery. Survivors do this with people they feel safe with.
Jamie experienced these things himself. He knows the process she has to go through. Claire took him through it. He put himself in front of his daughter, angered her and brought forth her rage (as Claire had) in order to show her that no matter how hard she fought that sunnuvabitch Bonnet, he would have taken from her what he did and likely, she would have gotten herself killed in the process. In the end, Bree wasn’t angry with Jamie for overpowering her, saying cruel and hurtful things to her – once she realized why he had done it. In fact, she felt safer with him. So safe that she reached further inside his heart and questioned him about his own experience with rape.
Jamie was raped by Jack Randall. He didn’t fight either. He didn’t fight because he gave his word in return for Claire’s life – which means at its core it was out of fear. Fear for her. That Jamie was able to share the truth of this with his daughter opened up a door to their relationship – in which Bree stormed through later on in the episode.
Let’s talk about that door now, why wait? Bree found out Roger made his way to the ridge and subsequently, what happened to him. The Fraser Fury was unleashed like…well…a Fraser unleashes their fury. There were a lot of words, a lot of confusion and amoung that, Jamie misunderstood what Bree was saying and heard her say that she had sex with Roger then fought with him- he mistook those words and thought Brianna claimed she was raped by him in anger. Jamie’s Fraser Fury mixed with Brianna’s – as you can imagine, that went up like a bomb.
Bree lashed out, slapping him. Hard. He let her. Why do I believe he let her? Jamie showed us earlier in the episode that he could stop her from hitting him if he chose to. Do Bree’s words hurt Jamie? Of course they do but does he know they help her more by her saying them? Yes. Jamie opened that door to his daughter earlier in the episode. That she would feel safe enough to say or do anything to him and know that he would be there to love and care for her no matter what. It is also why he said nothing when she yelled at him that he wasn’t allowed to be angrier than she was. Jamie heard her words and accepted them. It is something many of us don’t do when we are angry because we are too busy giving that anger to others in the form of hurting them back. Jamie had helped create that safe space for Brianna earlier in the episode, even though he screwed up when he lashed out with his words, he backed up and gave that safety net back to her instead of closing it off again.
Bree knows that Jamie loves her. She does love Jamie, otherwise, she wouldn’t even care enough to try to hurt him. She wouldn’t pull out the Frank card to make him hurt like she is hurting. That is what many of us are guilty of, isn’t it? When we are in so much pain that we want that person to feel it too? We try and cut them that deep. We go for the one thing we know will get them? She points out Frank would never have said the things Jamie just said to her. Her statement is not baseless, Jamie did just accuse her of lying about being raped, it was ugly and it was hurtful. She lashed out in her own ugly and hurtful way. I am not saying this is the right way to fight with family, however, I see that it is the way a lot of families fight. Good, bad or ugly we can say and do things within those walls and know forgiveness is available to us.
Jamie is being a father more than ever at this moment by letting his daughter feel, process and allowing her to use him to do it. He knows what he did and what he said was hurtful. He is attempting to move forward and doing what he can to make it right. Like at the beginning of the episode, he knows it isn’t about his words, but his actions. He isn’t begging her to forgive him because he knows forgiveness needs to be earned and she must go through the steps to get there. All he can do is what he has promised and allow Brianna the time to meet him in the middle.
Plus, Brianna is pregnant. Here I am remembering what a shit show of emotions that was like WITHOUT adding in all of this craziness and confusion to it. My heart ached for her this episode. Stepping back and seeing it all from where she stands. Taking away all of the confusion and miscommunication and blame we can lay down. Purely the circumstance of what can be lost – Brianna – that she is still upright, is impressive.
I think the previous commentary answers the why of Brianna not telling Lizzie about that sunnuvabitch Bonnet and the rape. Why Brianna didn’t subsequently hold Lizzie responsible for Roger’s current circumstances. Brianna feels like she is the one protecting Lizzie so it doesn’t occur to her to share that kind of pain with her. Brianna wouldn’t feel confident Lizzie could handle that level of anger from her without it completely damaging the relationship they have. Brianna doesn’t have the kind of relationship with Lizzie that screams: “I feel safe with you, I can be vulnerable with you.” We won’t expose our innermost thoughts to those people in our lives, we don’t see that it serves a purpose. Of course…hindsight…
The relationship between Jamie and Claire right now is something so quiet and reserved that I know I see it differently than many. I see it sitting in the “safe zone”. Claire is being fiercely protective of Brianna in this episode which I completely understand. She made the choice to come back to Jamie and in that, leaving her daughter. We have seen her struggle with that choice repeatedly over the last 2 seasons. With Bree now in the past with them, Claire has been so intuned with her daughter, grief-stricken by her pain and riddled with guilt over Bree’s rape.
She and Jamie are becoming parents together for the first time. They are parenting an adult daughter that is dealing with some pretty heavy shit. This is not a rainbows and unicorn little house on the prairie universe. When the Fraser fury is released Claire goes to the Fraser that needs her comfort the most. Their daughter. Jamie knows it, Claire knows it.
Claire has a whole lot going on in the episode, yet she is pretty quiet. She is angry with the whole situation, you can see she is upset with herself for not telling Jamie about that sunnuvabitch Bonnet. The resignation when she places the ring on the table becomes a quiet communication between them. Jamie and Claire have been through many storms, arguments and this is yet another bump in their road. Like most committed couples, they will learn from one another and whatever circumstance they have created for themselves. I was relieved to see Claire being fiercely protective of Brianna. This wasn’t against anyone, it was for her child. I think we can forget that sometimes, that we can be in someone’s corner and stand up for them but that doesn’t mean we are fighting or belittling others in order to do it. The relationship Jamie and Claire have is one of mutual respect and love. That is security, it means they have the ability to get angry, disagree and fight. All the while knowing they will come back to one another because their love and respect for one another are bigger than all the other stuff happening around them.
Roger Roger Roger. I can’t let this one go without talking about Roger. Of course he doesn’t feel safe! Who the hell are we kidding? The #PoorRoger hashtag is getting out of control. This guy is becoming the energizer bunny of Outlander, the punishment gets handed over to him…he takes it…puts it in his pocket…gives it a tap and says “All safe with me” and then extends his hand and says “Got anymore where that came from?”
#PoorRoger. See? He is getting dragged around like a goat on a rope from the top of the episode. He has company though and shares a kinship with this fella, safety in companionship I suppose. He chats with him along the way, is his motivational coach and one morning, his companion – dead. That’s uplifting. Sure to bring Roger the glimmer of hope and keep him looking forward?
Not really but Roger brings us to the end of the episode facing the one thing that is absolutely certain to bring him back to safety. He can have a warm bath, a sane Scottish lass (I will hop on the #FIOGER ship) and you know, not getting recaptured by the Mohawk…all with one touch.
The question is will Roger feel safer in the future or in the arms of Brianna? I know what I want him to do! I guess his safety isn’t my first thought, does that make me a horrible person?
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.
Sher ( founder of the ABOotlanders)
Our first round of Bedtimes stories started because of the initial Droughtlander and my husband’s inability to wait for anything. Like ANYTHING – when he knows the answer is right there. I only have to tell him. He really enjoyed the TV show & knew the books were out there – however not being a reader – there was a problem…unless he could get someone to read them to him. WELL GEE!
#BedtimeStories were born. Sometimes I read and he is silent & enjoys. Sometimes, he is contemplative. Sometimes there are tears or laughter. Often…smart ass comments erupt from him. As I read “Jamie gingerly….blah de blah Claire blah.” He pipes up with “Doesnt he do EVERYTHING gingerly? Get it?” Yeah MasterDad joker, I get it.
I stopped keeping my phone in my room at night around A Breath of Snow & Ashes so I haven’t tweeted his witty remarks as they come. They are jotted down in a note book…maybe slightly illegible but we’ll wait till we are done reading Written in My Own Hearts Blood to do that shall we?
If you have NOT read the books. Stop reading now. Hubbychilds comments are SPOILERS. Not just little spoilers…BIG WHOPPING RUIN YOUR OUTLANDER EXPERIENCE SPOILERS! If you havent read the books…and you read ANY further than this line. It is your own damn fault. You made a choice and it was probably the wrong one. So…with that being said, you are not allowed to leave comments or send me DMs scolding me for throwing spoilers out to the world. Just because the cookies are there…didn’t mean you had to eat them.
The following hubservations are from Voyager on up to a piece of A Breath of Snow & Ashes. So again, I warn you. SPOILERS ARE AHEAD. Can you tell someone has smacked my nose with a newspaper over this before? Uh-huh.
As we closed the pages of Dragonfly In Amber…my husband made an interesting observation. For the record…Me…Diana…and Caitriona…and any other girl person in a Disney movie (thats fairly recent so it might be an age thing)
You know…my sweet hubbychild has always been a little jealous of Jamie. Calling him my boyfriend etc. I have compiled some of his comments throughout storytime…enjoy.
Lets take a look at what he thought during Drums of Authumn shall we?
You may be able to tell…my husband doesn’t like it when people don’t communicate. He notices a common theme with Claire.
There is one character over all the others my husband feels bad for…its poor wee Rog. It sure entertains me to listen to him yak about him. And he has a face now. Richard Rankin…we adore you. We feel sorry for you…but we adore you.
I know you probably feel like meh…this is good. I read enough. I don’t need to hear her husbands ramblings any more…but…since I planned to write this all out…I’m doing it. Feel free to bookmark this and come back later to finish up…
We are at Fiery Cross…you know the one. No…let my hubbychild remind you.
Last…but not least we end with a bit of A Breath of Snow & Ashes.
I think thats an appropriatly inappropriate spot to stop.
You gotta love the guy…
Until next week…
I’m Sher…ABOotlanders Founder
Still taking a detour from the blog bursts that look like recaps. I feel there are enough ppl doing those now that, well, even doing it Canadian style with bacon isn’t different enough.
Episode 3 of Outlander was full of…Oooooh’s , awwwww’s & Snorts so I finger I will just talk about those with you. Heartstones is something us ABOotlanders are not short of. We are a bunch of sulks (I say that because I am…and I do not like being lonely).
Heart STONES are those things in your heart that when they are hit, they send you back in time, memories. I believe that is why we are so connected to Outlander. It isn’t just our own created memories but those Diana Gabaldon authored when we read the books for the first time. How many times have we seen comments telling new readers how jealous we are because they get to experience that first time feeling? Its a nostalgia we connect to from remembering our “first time”. It really is a better “first time” than the other first time… that’s rarely enjoyable.
Aaaaanyway. That’s how I now feel when I watch the show. It’s like a new read. I recognize it, it’s familiar…yet it is different so I get a new thrill from it. It’s not about if I like the changes, only that they exist and create new heart stones for me and my friends to travel through together.
The name of the episode is “Useful Occupations & Deceptions”. We don’t have to reach to far to guess what this is all about so lets get right to it.
OOOOOH’s , AAAAAW’s N Snort’s of Episode 3… Our HeartStones…
Aaaaaw #1 -This came when Claire shoved Jamie’s wigman away so she could do up his vest instead. I mean, that was a “Why are YOU doing this, I am sitting right here.” jealous wife move and I loved it. You can’t blame a girl…husband out at brothels- oh wait…one brothel (but remember, its fancy…it’s got dildos), drinking his face off with the guys, coming in reeking of smoke n whores. Yep, I would probably feel the need to exert ownership. You can tell the scheme of these moves is to show…she misses him.
Snort #1– The first laugh of the show for me was Jamie’s wee SAWNY going missing. So what you are saying Jamie is…
This could just be because my brain has a disorder. Its called ‘inthegutteria’. It’s catching. You might have it now. If not, you may not find me near as entertaining as I do.
Snort #2– Louise. Sweet Louise! She MADE the interaction with Mary & Claire go to another level of giggles. Her SHOCK at the accusations Mary made about men and their things…was…snortworthy.
Ooooooh #1 – Claire realizing who the truck Mary Hawkins was!
For our Frank lovers…they got another peekaboo at him and Claire finally put the puzzle of where she had heard the name before! You could see she wasn’t particularly thrilled. I heard a few people say “She didn’t seem to care when BJR was dead so Frank was before…but now she is all worried about him?!” Let’s look at it this way – When Claire found out that BJR was dead, she was in the midst of taking care of Jamie, making sure he didn’t die. Once she did that…it’s kinda late to be thinking about saving Frank. Pragmatic is one way I would describe Claire, I can’t see her dwelling on something she knew she couldn’t change. HOWEVER, once there is something she thinks she can fix or change…ummm…dog with bone sound about right to us?
Oooh, Awww N Snort – 3 for the price of one – Murtagh getting some lovin! #Suzagh! Sounds like a great clan call…for tail. There was a couple of things about Claire walking in on her ladies maid, Suzette (zee lov-a-lee Adrienne-Marie Zitt) and her husbands Dudley do right-hand man. 1…Claires expression of shock. Now, was it shock that she caught them doin’ it? Was it shock that Murtagh was getting more action than her? Was it shock that Murtagh could be ungrumbly long enough for a woman to want to get jiggy with him? I think it could have been any or all of those reasons. 2. The fact that she hasn’t got lucky in so long she didn’t recognize the sounds of two people gettin jiggy w’it.
The surprise coupling of the 2 characters gives Murtagh a lil more zip & brings the staff in the house to “human” mode., not just following picking up after everyone. #Suzagh all the way!
Oooh #2 SNAP! Claire done looses it on Murtagh because he reminded her that she isn’t getting any. That face…says it all.
After her poop ungroups, she tells him that BJR is alive & the deception duo is born. For now – by the end of the show Murtagh has his kilt in a wad because she didn’t tell him.
Snort #4– That Duverney dude is funny. Not just his wig either. Telling Jamie while playing chest he was going “get him” and that he gave him permission to respect him less. See in my world, those are are things I would say to Jamie too…maybe not playing chess…but playing- chest? See…I find things entertaining because I make them up in my head sometimes.
He has this way of wrapping scenes around his fingers…and getting wanna be Kings to kiss his fingers. Knowing this guy, I sure as heck would NOT be putting my mouth around his digits…I see where he goes with those!
Oooh #4 – The Comte. That is all. I need not say more.
Awww #2– Master Raymond plays Ann Landers. Claire doesn’t really ask for advice but Raymond gives it. Stop pouting about being bored lady and go do what you like doing. Lancing boils & sticking your fingers in puss n guts! Its nice to see someone looking out for her isn’t it?
Snort #5 is a loooong giggle. “Claire goes to the Hospital”. We could write a childrens book about this you know. The look on Mother Hildegardes face when this “lady” came and said she wanted to use her medical knowledge and help. “Ummm, go dump a bedpan ‘lady’. See you never.” Claire doubles up the back bone and not only empties bed pans but starts drinking them. That will show her!
Ok…she wasn’t drinking out of the bedpans…but she was taste testing them. Which baboom…makes Momma Hilde take notice and decide “Hmmmm, if she likes urine, she’s gonna love it here…let’s keep her.” And BOUTON! Well…yeah…somehow we all have fallen in love with the little hairball. It sure helps when you remember loving Bouton of the books. Its not about the dog they got so much as it is about that they got a Bouton!
The scene with the nasty puss filled groin splinter (ummm branch not splinter) was spot on. Freaking LOVED the moment Bouton showed his talents & at the same time helped Claire get in good with the big nun on campus.
Awww #4– #WeeFergus . Like we didn’t get to meet enough awesomeness in this episode but then we get the lil bandit too. It was a smorgasbord of characters being brought to life. I had the constant “awwww head tippy” going on the whole fricken episode.
I loved the introduction to Jamie…something we only got a quick description in the book about how the wee gommrel came to be in their world. This gave it the character development that the TV character deserved to have.
I loved how he called Jamie dirty names and tried to blackmail him and Jamie’s reaction…I wanted to squeeze both their cheeks! Throughout the episode Fergus (played by Romann Berrux) displays the all the charm of a small gentleman while being the brothelbabe he was. “Hey, girls love it when I sing the praises of their corset fillers.” It’s not hard to tell that like Fergus from the book – TV Fergus is going to have us all wrapped around his bitty doigt.
The best move Jamie had this episode? Hiring a pickpocket.
Awwww #5 – This awww is more of a “Awwww muffin!” awwww than an “Awwww so cute” awww though. Jamie was having a party and we were invited. It was a pity party. Now why oh why wasn’t his wife home to greet him? Pout, sulk, grumble grumble and snark. Once folks showed up for his party he lashed out on them. Jamie is kinda a bad event planner in that respect. We came away with it being all about Jamie – if he is going to be a miserable sulk, then why shouldn’t he share that? Because it sucks Jamie…it sucks.
We know why you’re a pouty pants, but we aren’t enjoying it. You need a lil lovin…that will fix everything. As long as it is with your wife…those brothelbabes…not so much.
Snort #6– You know Jamie was going to have to swallow his pride at some point. Watching him do it with Mama Hildegard was a good move. Her being a musical savant and all that. Her view of her friend Bach was less than flattering though wasn’t it? Clever but no heart. Without him, they wouldn’t have figured out the code to the letters Fergus our boy was stealing though!
All the emotions of episode 3 and we wrap it all up in a happy little ball of “relief, happiness, guilt & disappointment. Relief because they believe they figured out who was promising BPC money for this campaign. Happiness because Jamie was happy for a moment. Guilt by Claire because she STILL hasn’t told Jamie BJR is alive. Disappointment in Claire by Murtagh because she didn’t tell Jamie BJR is alive.
Perfect way to tie that bow up and be ready for Episode 4.