The Effects of DroughtLander

Did I even know what that simple wee phrase “Droughtlander” would grow into the first time I used it in this meme all those years ago? That’s a hard no…droughtlander

I didn’t have a clue that everyone and their dog would be using it to describe the time between seasons of our favourite show Outlander.  I can thank Diana Gabaldon for posting that particular blog on her facebook page and sending it into Outlander history.  That link has since died because our group, previously known as the Heughliots, found our own identity as the ABOotlanders so you can read it HERE at its relocated addy.

The interesting thing about a drought is the impact it has on the environment around it. In the case of #Droughtlander…the impact largely falls on the fandom.

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Us ABOotlanders are a hearty bunch.  During Droughtlander we get by on help from our neighbours. We share our resources.  This includes talking about the days of all the Outlander, reading about the Outlander and how plentiful and fantastic the Outlander days were. Yes…and how we know that one day the Outlander will return.  We find it immensely therapeutic.

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Alas, there are the people who are crawling across the droughtlander fields gasping for breath, ridden with anxiety & depression because the Outlander hasn’t touched their lips for too long.  They can’t see the Outlander in the forecast & will do anything to make the oasis a reality in their every day…except instead of embracing the good they are allowing the drought to blur their vision of the good it started as. Instead of remembering the things they love they are focusing on things like the bad taste the lack of Outlander has left in their mouth.

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Droughts cause migration…migration of people to other things.  This is normal…when the Outlander comes back – so will the people and so will more.  Some people might not come back and that’s o.k.  Making their life with another fascination or love.  That has nothing to do with the drought itself but the way they chose to deal with it, their choice isn’t wrong. It is what is best for them.

You know droughts also cause wildfires? All you have to do is take a peek behind the curtain of this fandom to see that.  The small flames of discontent are there but unless individuals fan those flames they will never catch & become a disaster. When a spark comes your way, put it out.  How do you do that? Don’t respond.  Don’t blow on it, don’t give it the air it needs to grow. Yes, it is that simple.

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Most droughts don’t have that surety of ending, ours does. Droughtlander never lasts forever but the things we say & do during the drought does.  If we seek out the cracks, we will fall through them.  If we seek out the light, we will feel the warmth.

Let’s do our very best to keep our faces to the sun. That means our heads are tipped back enjoying a bevy.  As spoken before…the true remedy for #Droughtlander. (this could be the reason my liver is now broken – sad story, eh?)

amen

Sher

ABOotlander Founder & Lover of all things happy!

 

 

Bucketlist — Dining with Diana – CHECK…holy snapping turtles…that’s a CHECK!

How? How does something like THAT happen to normal people?

*Blink* *Blink* We must be dreaming!

*Blink* *Blink*
We must be dreaming!

Ok…first. We perhaps aren’t normal.  However the perfect storm WAS brewing.

An event- When Worlds Collide Diana Gabaldon will attend said event. The ABOotlanders find out about said event and decide there is NO OTHER CHOICE. This is the perfect storm. The positive intent, good will, good people & love we have following us around – we knew this event was going to be one we would cherish no matter what.

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I am sure you are curious as to how WE…the lowly AB-Ootlanders could have gotten Diana to dine with us.  I assure you there were no Diana’s hurt in the making of this experience.  No duct tape, or chloroform used, no draw of puppies/hedgehogs or Toger’s at the table (O.K. there was a Toger but we didn’t take that out til later) or trickery of any kind. However, I believe the story starts the night before. I think I will start there. This is called suspense.

Stories need that – or so I learned at this writers conference.

Did you seriously just groan?  Rude…that’s just rude.

You are such a kidder! Big kidder mckidderson!

You are such a kidder! Big kidder mckidderson!

These are random details of what happened at this years When World Collide event in Calgary. From how I remember it.  That mean’s artistic license or something to that effect *snort*.

 The ABOotlanders came out in droves. WHY? Because SHE, would be there. Diana.  With our crowd…she needs no last name.  Diana, not only would be here but she would be ALL over here. 

Our first opportunity to see her…maybe walk by her…or make eye contact with her and get a little Diana nod (Someone should make a Diana bobble head…it needs to be very lil, sweet and not wobbly but a stiff wobbler because she has the perfect way of acknowledging you without seeming dismissive like some, hers said “I know you are here & happy to see me” and THAT’S COOL.) was at the Fish Creek Library.  Event starting at 7:00 pm.  Kim & I decided we MUST get there early. 5:00 pm will be early enough right?  Maybe 4:30…there are SOOOO many people who love Diana…its going to be crazy.  Ok…we will go at 5:00. Fine!

Are we early? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Are we early? Huh? Huh? Huh?

We race up the elevator at mach speeds. I lie. SLOWEST. ELEVATOR. EVER. Maybe its super fast but seriously we felt like we were getting sucked into another dimension this thing was so slow. FINALLY the door open and there are a few people standing there. 2 ladies & a gentleman. Staring at us very questionably. “Oh…hello” the gentleman at Fish Creek Library says “Who are you with?” I realize because we are SO early, he thinks we are with one of the authors to help set up books to be sold. Ummmmmm a little embarrassing but Kim…her enthusiastic and wonderful self pipes up “THE ABOOTLANDERS!”  The 3 people stare at her blankly. “The…Ab-whowhat?” – “You’re a bookseller?” he says look down at Kim’s shirt, which is silkscreened with the words  ‘A. MALCOLM  BookSeller & Printer’ (Which btw – Diana told Kim she liked – cuz…well…it’s an awesome shirt)

“Oh no” Kim replies “I don’t sell books, I’m a fan!”  Realization dawns on their faces and they look at each others faces.  These are fans. Oh boy!peasant1

Yep! That’s us! Keeners!  Are arms are full!  We have gifts for Diana, we have a HUGE flat cardboard box which houses our Giant Jamie & Semi Giant Claire (poor girl came out smaller than we hoped).  They were very gracious and offered to let us store our goodies while we were banished to the downstairs library to wait…one WHOLE HOUR! UGH! Longest. Hour. Ever.  We were labeled as super fans…which I will wear happily as it’s kinda true.

6 pm rolls around and we ixnay the elevator and boogie up the stairs to claim our front row seats! We set up Giant Jamie & Semi-Giant Claire in the back of the library.  I really ought to bring a donation box for those who take photos with them. The ABOotlanders could make a mint! It was so great to make so many Outlander fans happy though. We ended up recruiting so many wonderful friends to our group that evening.  Diana came up on the elevator & I watched he make her way in the room…I am sure she has feet but she almost seems to glide…yeah…ok…shhh. I saw her catch a glimpse of Jamie & Claire and her face was one of “Oh…look isn’t that odd- those two just standing there like that.”  Make me giggle inside.No…I giggled out loud and babbled to everyone around me to as what I had just witnessed.

The Fish Creek Library did a great job of hosting the readings. We were gifted with readings by not only  Diana Gabaldon but Daniel Abraham (M.L.N. Hanover), David B. Coe (D.B. Jackson), CJ Carmichael, Faith Hunter (Gwen Hunter) and the amazingly witty and wonderful Brandon Mull.  Brandon won the hearts of all of the ABOotlanders, as well as Diana.

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I bought his BEYONDERS series for my 16 yr old man child but I plan on reading it as well.  Seriously, this guy IS personality.  The other authors all have something wonderful to offer, don’t get me wrong.  David was another one of my favourites.  He truly is a wonderful human being with a contagion of spirit & I will be picking up his Thieftaker Chronicles very soon!

The readings were wonderful, Diana went last and she read from book 9. *sigh* I am not in a huge rush for this book to come out, even though I will be first in line when it does. I understand her standing in front of me for 4 days means there is no way she is going to be able to write…so…I take this.

She reads so beautifully, I get transported into her story…she says something about Jamie being naked and boom…you can hear the audible sigh of the room, its almost like the collective intake of breath pulls the walls of the library in around us…I sag in my seat. I don’t really mean to but her imagery is just too good. It’s really her own fault isn’t it? Yeah. That’s what I think too.  As she continues to read…the scene is intense, poignant and ends with a universal “oh” around the room. Leaving us wanting more…but that is the magic of Diana is it not?

There was a Q&A with the authors & then the signing.  Since there were only 200 people at this event, it didn’t take long and the ABOotlanders had a plan.  We planned to hang back.  Wait till the last to try and score a bit more time with her because we brought some very special gifts with us.  One of our admins, Cheryl came up with the brilliant idea to have a set of 5 whiskey glasses hand painted by the talented Nikki Galenza, who is our resident ABOotlander artist.

whisky

You can commision Nikki to do these for you.  They are themed to each of the first 5 books in the series and they are stunning!  We wanted to be able to show Diana & explain where we had them done.  Plus taking time to have our books & other bits of nostalgia signed by her. Sweet Kim also  gave her a box of Canadian chocolates, one in the box was whisky infused to go with our theme.  Diana loved the glasses & the chocolates, as per usual was extremely gracious.  I made sure they were packed up good and solid & mentioned I hoped she had room. She said she would make room.

Hanging out at the Library :)

Hanging out at the Library 🙂

We had such a fabulous time. Meeting so many new members for our group & having extra moments with Diana. We were leaving the library all together when I thought to myself “LIFE MADE” because I made her laugh. Lil ole me…might not seem like such a big deal but I do love to make people giggle and making Diana laugh was a special thing for me. We were all tromping down the stairs (Diana doesn’t tromp – no…she was gliding.heehee) and Kim mentioned she would like to hit the swimming pool at the hotel for a dip. In which I had to remind her I forgot my swimsuit so “Ummmm yeah Kim, I’d have to go naked and girlfrien’ ain’t NO ONE wanna see THAT!” in which Diana looked over her should with a laugh. In that moment my heart skipped a beat and yes…I thought “Life made.” However…Friday hadn’t happened yet…That was premature speculation.

See what she did there?

See what she did there?

I am heading straight for the BIG MOMENT on Friday. Of course we would like to think Diana knows who the ABOotlanders are 🙂 She has shared our Blog in the past, she tweets with us

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I don’t make this up…

We aren’t delusional we know we aren’t the only ones, however, we still love our happy lil bubble!

Friday afternoon, a group of the ABOotlanders decide to head to the pub that is attached to the hotel to get a bite to eat & talk about all the awesomeness we have experienced so far.  We are talking about Diana’s readings…when Sam (our Sam…not THE Sam…well she is our THE Sam..not the HE THE Sam…ugh..

I want me to shut up now

I want me to shut up now

you understand right?) whispers to us “Diana just walked in…she’s alone.”  Huh? What? Now? Here? What? Then Sam looks at me and says “SherryLynn you are the only one with balls big enough to go and talk to her!”  I puff up a bit at the compliment but in my head I am thinking “NO I’m not…I left my balls under the sink at home…and that’s 3 hours away!”  However, I squared my shoulders, got up from the table & filled with 9 other women who are relying on me and follow Diana around the pub. “Hello Diana”  “Oh, Hello

Are you here alone (DUH of course she is here alone you bonehead…there is NO ONE with her..save yourself!) or are you expecting someone to join you (good save idjit!)?  “No no, I’m here alone.”  “I’m here with a few (ok…maybe not a few – more like 9 but who’s counting…hell…I can barely form a thought…math can’t happen) friends and we’d  be honoured if you would join us for a bite & a drink if you have the time.”  “That would be lovely if you wouldn’t mind.”  (Wouldn’t mind…wouldn’t mind….oh my gosh…I am doing everything in my power to keep from grasping your hand and running up those 3 little steps to the table with you and yelling “LOOK WHO I BROUGHT FOR DINNER!“) But I don’t…I take a deep breathe and say “Mind? Diana…I can’t tell you what a thrill it would be!” or something like that…I am sure I gushed but I don’t think I got any on her.

We walk up the tiny steps to the table and the looks on the ladies faces were priceless. They looked like little children seeing Santa on Christmas morning, and Diana graciously smiled to them and THANKED US for letting HER join US. I mean come on…Best Moment.  I think I said something to this effect and she made a comment along the lines of her hoping my life was more exciting than that. *snicker* I quite like that about her too. She is “just Diana”. I admire that. But to me…well you all know.  Serious lady admiration right there!

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The pub was understaffed…oh darn. That gave us lots of time to chat. I certainly didn’t want to sound like I was interviewing her but I had SO many questions to ask. So many things I had always wondered. This was the only opportunity I would ever get. She was sitting right beside me. I could touch her.  I tried not to…I think I did once…just to make sure she was real. She was.

I have always suspected & I truly don’t think anyone would be surprised by this however it is something I always wanted to know from her. If she was an introvert.  That is a 100% yes.  Of course introverts aren’t always what people believe but Diana is one & I respect her greatly for how she carries herself, especially in crowds & with people (like us) vying for her attention.

Second up – I have always watched videos of interviews, read about Diana, & viewed media clips of her (not because I am a creepy freaky stalker…AM NOT!) but because of my draw to her personality.  It started for her writing, but her demeanor, introverted nature, say it like it isness, direct style & analytical mind intrigues me.

Way before Outlander became a TV series, her answers to questions or outlook has simply fascinated me. Where I have heard others complain the same answers come again and again…I admire that.  It means she is nothing else but 100% authentic. Same question? Same answer. Why in heavens SHOULD it change? To entertain the masses? Hell no. If we want a different answer then someone ought to ask another question right?  ANYWAY…when you have listened to her speak for a good long time, you tend to get an idea of how this lady thinks. What her opinions might be on different subjects.  So I find myself…while reading certain parts of her books my mind drifting out of the characters I am reading. Such as when Lawrence Stern & Claire are having such conversations about Faith vs Science. Or Claire is struggling with the idea of tying the tubes of a slave being impregnated by her master…my mind drifts from the voice of the character to the voice of Diana and I feel I am listening to her. Her opinions, her voice and her commentary. I wanted desperately to know if I was crazy or if it was a way she was simply slipping “a random” social commentary into the dialogue.

It turns out I am not crazy at all and Diana is IN her books. Not just in her main characters but in her stories, scattered throughout.  I love her & her books all the more to hear that sweet detail.

Since I read the books to my husband with our BedTimeStories, I used this to bring up the topic of relationships.  Her relationship with Doug is admirable. We spoke about how she usually travels on her own but she made sure to take him when she visited the set – knowing he would in fact have a delightful time before he did.  That’s the thing about many relationships, we know. It was lovely to see her face light up as she spoke of him having fun with the crew of the show.

Ain't LOVE Grand?

Ain’t LOVE Grand?

Diana is writing episode 2-11 & will be traveling to Scotland again when they film it.  It is definitely a different process but one you can tell has challenged her in a good way. It certainly seems she had fun with it. I tried to dig more out of her but she won’t budge & may I say it? I respect the hell out of her for it.

She speaks highly of Sam Heughan…interestingly enough, we spoke of him when we spoke of introverts. I said I had an inkling he shared that same trait with her. She said she thought so too however being an actor he certainly knew how to deal with the public and was a very secure & good natured young man.  As we can plainly see in the way she corresponds with him in the public eye on social media, she likes the guy.  Letting us know he has a generous & kind guy.  It is of course one thing to see this kind of thing in play online…it is quite another to hear it spoken.

You know, having a meal with Diana wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be. I do NOT remember what I ate. No idea. I am drawing a total blank.  I do know I didn’t have the calamari. *snort*

Yeah Sam...how could YOU?

Yeah Samantha…how could YOU?*snicker*

Conversation was natural with the all the ladies, talking about places to visit. Characters, the books & most of the time “I can’t believe this is happening.” was floating around in my brain. Eventually it turned to “I am so grateful this is happening.”

The ABOotlanders always come prepared. (In fact we were planning on giving this to Diana the next night but Bobbi Jo is awesome and HAPPENED to have it with her and when opportunity knocks – we answer that damn door)

Ok...we answer no matter WHO is at the door.

Ok…we answer no matter WHO is at the door. We are a trusting bunch.

We like to get those we admire shirts with our mascot on them. Toger.  He’s an adorable beaver. Now…we thought Diana might like a cowl neck, 3/4 cut sleeve, beautiful blue shirt instead of a T-shirt, so AB-Ootlander Bobbi Jo had one made. She had Toger put on Diana’s shirt- on her shoulder…I mean how PERFECT !  Who doesn’t imagine looking over her shoulder while she writes? Maybe Diana will wear this shirt one day while writing & wee Toger will have that gift. I was honoured to present her with the shirt, explaining to her Toger & how he came to be.  Telling her how Graham McTavishes reacted to his shirt at Calgary Expo.  It was entertaining…and she was, once again…gracious & lovely.

Togershirtpre

Eventually, Diana finished her meal & it was time to leave – getting her wallet out I assured her that wasn’t necessary. I wanted to take care of that. I couldn’t fathom having shared a meal with her & having her pay for it. THAT just wouldn’t be right on any level. Plus, I am pretty sure simply for the fact I talked  and watched her the whole time…I owed it to her.

Here take it...take it all...I owe you so much more than lunch!

Here take it…take it all…I owe you so much more than lunch!

We had 2 more days of Diana readings, visits & banquets. I also asked her permission to talk about our “date” here – which I received.

The ABOotlanders who attended pose with Diana at the Western Themed Banquet

The ABOotlanders pose with Diana at the Western Themed Banquet

Our Giant Jamie & Semi Giant Claire - Hmmmm- Petite Claire...Hanging out with their favourite person!

Our Giant Jamie & Semi Giant Claire – Hmmmm- Petite Claire…Hanging out with their favourite person!

Gracious…you would think that would be the one word I would use to describe this woman if I had to.  I have thought about that a lot this week…what word would I use?

I have chosen one. Dynamism.  It means a great energy, force, or power.  That’s what Diana has. A great energy. A force that draws you in.  New word!  Dianamism. There you go.

force

 I can’t hold off sharing this with you any longer! Naughtlander has taken a lot out of us but this was the restorative we needed…granted…whisky or your bevvie of choice will help, as per, it is always the best cure for Droughtlander!

droughtlander

Click to see the 1st of our blogs Diana shared on her FB page

KINDNESS & LOTS OF LOVE coming your way!

                               SherryLynn- ABOotlander in Chief

Episode 16 In the Flesh -TRAMS- Tobias Really Ain’t Maiming Sam…really.

Who else is glad that is over? Raise your hand!

Me...me...me too...uh-huh...yup...us!

Me…me…me too…uh-huh…yup…us!

As much as we are not looking forward to #NaughtLander – I was perfectly fine with Episode 16 “To Ransom a Mans Soul” being one hour long, because the one hour felt like WAY longer. It made me feel like a virgin. You know what I mean. It was verra uncomfortable indeed.

“Got my tight pants on!”….Yeah…this is not comfortable for anyone. Really.

As per usual before I get into my blogburst, I like to tap into what I see as a bit o’ silliness that plagues the fandom. I found out recently that the likes of myself – you know the type. We, who enjoy the show for the show & the books for the books. Separately.  We, that do not believe the 2 should be compared nor interwoven specimens…because they are, ummm…not the same things. We are called *drumroll please* Kool-Aid Drinkers. Heehee…Kool-aid. Yeah.  Which makes this even funnier to me is –  those who who use this term may often be offended or dissuade others from using descriptions such as “pearl clutcher”, “poutlander” & any number of other equally insulting terms that will offend someone.  This term is deemed O.K. to use  even though it has a particularly ugly meaning behind it, because it was given its blessing from groups who feel everyone’s opinions matter, except those who think that it’s ok to love something for what it is and those  who express that they don’t believe being negative is a productive way to be & choose to say so. Kool-aid. Wanna sip? Tsk Tsk.

 I don’t particularly “like” Kool-aid but I DO think the Kool-aid man is cool as hell!  I also think if you embrace a term & own it, you take the power away others have given it. Soooooooooooooooo…

koolaid

This is the kinda kool-aid we are serving…come and have a glass! It happens to be sweetened with good intentions.  There is kindness instilled in it.  We only want the fans to see the best in what is happening with the series. It is, in fact separate from the books…this has been said from the VERY beginning. Whether you CHOOSE to hear the facts – well, this only affects our happiness with the process. No one has tried to fool or trick us into believing anything different.  When you lay back and relax…the bumps are way easier to take, you might even be able to enjoy them.

animals-as-humans-frog

We have fallen into the land of #WithoutLander.

#DroughtLander2.0 has started… there is #NaughtLander. As you can see – I can go on all effing day if I wanted to & I likely will come up with many many more before the jig is up in the fall of 2016.  Chances are, you will put up with my crap because, as fans, it is what we do.  We read what we love…AND we read what we hate. It is a CRAZY…oh wait…mentally hilarious phenomenon.  That WILL keep this world alive. Not destroy it like some say.

These blogbursts won’t stop because the series is on hiatus.  Honestly…I will just have to get more creative.

This might be the point you are afraid...

This might be the point – you become… afraid…

and you thought BJR was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Me…trying to be creative. That might be a whole other bag of nuts folks. Mixed nuts. Big…ole…bag.

You know I am trying to avoid talking about something when I am 500 words in & haven’t started.  This is like having the sex talk with the sons but start talking about how they haven’t cleaned their room in the last week instead. Still ending up focusing on the balled up sock in the corner of the room. Yeah…yeah…yeah…I KNOW. I have to talk about it – but where’s their Dad…Can’t HE?

That’s a good idea actually. Hub’s watched episode 16 with me. Twice. Shockingly. We’ll go at it like that. Since you know I’m a gutterdweller – I shall sit down here but try not to be you know…too gross and or offensive. However, expect a few groans. Just…do.

We get the title credit again. Yeah…gutterslug I am…beads n oil. I know what is happening in this episode – I don’t even wanna know what that other thing is gonna be . Yup…I know I am going to hell – I might as well take the express bus. Move over- I know you are in the back seat, hiding…you wouldn’t be reading this blogburst if you weren’t there.

title

Then…then…drums, flutes, what sounds like recorders. Remember recorders guys? Elementary school…we all had to have recorders? Play 3 blind mice? We were so cool.

*eyeroll* Just like him. Really. 3 blind mice with the squeal at the end killed his Pirates of the Caribbean out of the water. Whatever.

Uh-huh...sure...show off.

Uh-huh…sure…show off.

Those english dudes at the prison, they were pretty in tune but the men at arms, my ex-Army hubby really wanted them to be more practiced. Sloppy, out of line…tsk tsk…just foolin’

I kinda wished we had more time to critique the english soldiers because yeah…we went right on into the deep dark dank dungeon cell of hell and torment which housed our hero Jamie. We immediately get a glimpse at his bloodied body & lifeless eyes. It causes some serious cognitive dissonance when you have that cheery drumming and recorder playing happening in the background & you have Jamie’s face – telling you this story. Then we pan…ugh…

Here's JACKIE!

Here’s JACKIE!

Never a reassuring thing.

Captain CreepMaster General is so supine it’s almost distracts you from the fact that he is completely naked AGAIN. Tobias has zero issues with his Aunt Gail seeing him in the all together. You know, I think he might think to himself “Hope Aunty Gail tunes in! That’d teach her for buying me that hideous sweater back in ’85”

Back to the soldiers & cheery loud tunes – I feel like I am being torn back n forth. Put me outta my misery!

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

Wait…was that me or Jamie asking. It was both of us.  CCMG owes him a debt & for a moment, it looks like he is going to pay up but SQUIRREL! Ole Captain hears a noise and curiosity done squishes the cat.

Much to Jamie’s horror. He leaves him in the cell to go check out what’s shaking in the halls. There is some crazy noises happening & he is far too nosey for his own good.

knock knockAnother one of those teachable moments right there. You hear noises you can’t explain. Might be best NOT to look. Dumbass. However, I liked seeing your face get stepped on, I didn’t literally see it, though I imagined it because I despise CCMG and that to me, happy thoughts!

Rupert, Angus & Murtagh…Team RAM (TRAM…Do we see a theme…cool huh?!) Scramble through the basement of the prison looking for Jamie & find him as the kine cause havoc in the halls & throughout the courtyard.  The music via Bear McCreary & the kine seriously did a wicked job of kicking the scene up a knotch here. The kine do NOT have a twitter account…I really am not sure what is going on, seems the crazy is slipping…sad.  Anywhoo…Team RAM played this scene with vigor!  I loved the determination to get Jamie out of there and it was clear to us how OUT OF IT Jamie was.

Seriously, Murtagh is like the scottish Apollo in that moment, Jamie wrapped in the plaid slung over his shoulder & him marching out the door like a boss!

so hot

I loved the wagon ride & escape. The chaos of that was happening at the prison with interchanges of Team RAM escaping with Jamie. Claire waiting in the road…ummmm…hunny…unpause it. Hunny…HUNNY! Sheesh. I think my husband really likes it when Claire wears breeches. Both times we watched, I got a view of this –

cait

Yup, gotta admit it. She’s got a cute bum. The joys of watching with the man of the house – equal opportunity in the admiration department.

Between her distress & impatience, the look on her face…no words are needed.  This woman sucks us straight into her anxiety. I was THISCLOSE to popping an ativan when we spotted Team RAM coming over the crest of the hill.  This was the episode that was like a Led Zeppelin song, a minute seems like a lifetime and you are having Tea for One. I’d look at the clock thinking it has to be almost over…and ummmm…no…52 more minutes left.

what year is it

We get a taste of the mashed potatoes that Jamie’s brains have been whipped into when he see’s Claire AS Black Jack…right there in his face. He wraps his good hand around her sweet delicate neck and squeezes  until Rupert & Murtagh get him off of her. He tells Claire “Dinna touch me”  – One more huge clue – this is not the Jamie we know. His mind has been sliced and diced like it’s been in a chop-o-matic.

He starts in on the Gaelic saying stuff like “Claire- you just morphed into Jackface! That’s wiggin me out!” (Really he said…Let me go die.) Murtagh was like “Hey Bro! Cut that shit out! She has a pretty neck…even if you don’t like it…we do!”  Jamie gets all snippy with him too. You gotta admit, he is probably pretty hangry about now and could use a snickers bar like nobodies business & snaps -in Gaelic- at Murtagh to mind his own damn business clag-tail face! (Really, he said something like “Put an end to my torment!” Which sounds way more logical however- clag-tail face- takes the edge off & sends you all on a google search so…) Murtagh’s had enough of this crap and tells him to shut the hell up, he’s not listening to this crap- they have places to go…people to do. (In fact, he said ” I won’t listen to this!”) Yeah…I was right-ish.

mwb

Back on the run they go with a wee but of chuffin’ from Rupert. That wagon ride must have been hellabouncey!

Same ride in today's vehicle...looks like a party

Same ride in today’s vehicle…looks like a party

We hear the bells of a church yard. We see a familiar face, it’s wee Willie. Good to see him again. He introduces us to Father Anselm. This is a character from the books, that has been adapted for the screen in such a lovely manner. As has the Abbey itself. It really doesn’t matter when it is all broken down.

Truth is they had to condense a ridiculous amount of the book into one hour & the adaptation isn’t really meant to please each book reader it is meant to convey a story to an audience – TRUTH-

Really hard to swallow innit?

Really hard to swallow innit?

Adaptations were made that didn’t  change plot lines but changed “things”. Brother to Father…not in the creepy way though. Anselm was a dream – reacting before she finished sentences & taking them in.

Brother Paul, the respect & dignity he showed Claire – the care he gave Jamie…I quite liked the bald headed lil monks they had poking about. The background players were extremely complimentary to the scenes.  Letting Claire know…dude’s body is in baaaaaad shape sister but his mind… a few french fries short of a happy meal & is gonna need some serious help.  Claire seems to know this but had more pressing matters at hand.

See what I did there?

Jamie’s moans & cries brought her back to the fact that maybe she did need to deal with this broken soul thing. She tries to talk to him, soothe him but nope…none of that. Sometimes we ask questions that we REALLY do not want the answers to but need them. This is what happens here…although Claire didn’t get her answer – WE did.  It was Flashbang #1. Everyone were calling them flashbacks…that’s too light of a word for me. These were far too traumatic & gutpunchy. FlashBANG…much more effective.

Yes I know this

Yes I know this “technically” is not a flashbang but I really love this gif…*snort*

Plus…this next part is icky and we have to talk about it.

We have the leisure of seeing good ole dead Marley. All covered in  *shudder* rats *shudder*.  Those narsty vermin are my kryptonite. Sorry..not sorry…I can not STAND effin rats…rodents..little tails swishing

barf

Too much narsty in one small vile thing….just….ewwww.

Digression. Yeah. Sorry. Jamie is still sitting, nailed to the table where Captain Creepy last left him – he is nearly passed out from pain it seems but has the presence of mind to make sure Claire has left the prison.  This just proves how twisted Captain Creepy is. He is so pleasant with Jamie. ” I give you my word, here, have a drink…let me make you more comfortable while I yank that bloody nail from your hand – it’s going to be a trifle uncomfy. Be over quick…just a pinch. Oh dear…you’ve puked all over the floor…that’s all right, I will cradle you gently in my arms like a young child and kiss you tenderly like a sweetheart I once had.. Know why? ‘Cause I am a nice guy. You can see that right? Nice guy…dingy nasty cell…hole in your hand…forcing my tongue in your mouth. Come on- play along! It’s all better now, we are going to have a lovely time, you only have to be receptive. Here laddie”

It’s moments like these you wish this mofo had the internet. Here…go to http://www.immasickbastardDOTcom and get rid of some of your twistyMctwisterson bullshit and leave poor Jamie outta it man!

Ah if we could only redirect the the  insanity!

Ah if we could only redirect the the insanity!

Ole CreepMaster goes in for a let’s say frenchier kiss & complains at the lack of enthusiasm that his partner is displaying – decides that some threats against Claire are in order.  Jamie makes it clear that he said he wouldn’t “resist”.He is NOT going to “participate”.  Probably not the best plan of action.  CreepMaster now had a point to prove & it was that Jamie, would participate, whether he liked it or not. At least his body would participate.

He lifted him up to a sitting position and showed Jamie…and all of us that – our bodies can have minds of their own. Physical response has little to do with emotional response when it comes to reflex.  I noticed in some of social media out there, a few women had a difficult time grasping this concept. Saying it made men seem weak minded, not in control. Ummmm WHAT THE HELL? Our bodies have reflexes…men & women alike – Let me advise. Men have external organs that are easier to get to. This also goes straight to victim shaming & I won’t play THAT game with anyone.

No  really....go...see ya...buh bye now.

No really….go…see ya…buh bye now.

Bodies can, will & often physically respond to sexual stimulation. CCMG took this as a sign that he was controlling Jamie’s body. Adding some words of graciousness you know “Only want you to like it.”  You could see how much Jamie was trying to fight his bodies response & was getting angry with himself for not being able too. Throwing it back at Creepy, tells him just get it over with already…he hawked a big ole loogie in Creepy’s face. Ya know – maybe not the greatest idea at the time because it really pissed him off.

Captain Creepy is still calm for a microsecond asking “You think I can not control the darkness I inhabit?” like…implying he can…but he completely loses his shit! Guess what you sadistic freakshow – there is NO controlling that darkness.  That darkness just went batshit crazy & Jamie was on the bottom of it. Quite literally.

Creepy proceeds to brutally rape Jamie – telling him to scream – well – that HURT. Physically…it HURT…emotionally it HURT…everything about that moment HURT. “I” screamed at my TV right along with Jamie. DAMN YOU Creepy…you rotten SOB.

I don't look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

I don’t look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

That was the portion of our show my hubby hid his face. He really didn’t like it. Nope.

Don't look!

Don’t. Like. This. Part.

FlashBANG over. None too soon either. Geez…Sam…whatever places you had to go…you went.  I have this inkling our Tobias – he has a bit of that steele in his veins. He comes up with some pretty sinister shit with the writers to add in. Fingers in mouths, licking backs, faces. On the Ira/Moore podcast he thought “Hey, let’s use dead Morley as a mattress.” Ummmmm…

That boy...he ain't right.

That boy…he ain’t right.

He goes places. In his head. Which makes his acting…that much more terrifying. I’m really glad Ira was like Ummmm Tobias – Richard really hasn’t done anything to you…rats are one thing dude…THAT…totally another. Let’s not. It doesn’t mean Tobias is freakydeaky…it means he is a thinker, he gets into his characters head & he can go to those places. I think it’s a study of how far can he go…they tell him when “Yeah…far enough.”

Sam, I am guessing, this…is an educated guess, seems an introvert. This exposure, quite literally, must have been exhausting for him. I have heard many words to describe his performance in this episode. Many I wholeheartedly agree with. The ones “I” choose – brave, raw & fascinating.  I know NOW what Diana was talking about when she said she looked forward to this.  As difficult as it is to watch someone you care about go through this…and I CARED…it was enthralling. Encompassing. Why?  Because HE made me CARE. Tobias made me CARE. Cait made me LOVE them together. They did that as ACTORS.

It's like way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!
That is like, way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!

We so often get all whipped up in the who did it better than – we forget they DO it together. We so often get so wrapped up in our favourites that we dismiss the beauty of how well they work as an ensemble & obviously love one another. (Now keep your heads on. Love means many different things to many different people) They wouldn’t be able to portray this so well without respecting one another.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

There were words spoken prior to Claire setting Jamie’s hand. That’s it. They were spoken. Jamie was telling Claire – he didn’t care. He was trying to let her know in his way that he was lost from her & she…stubborn as he…wasn’t hearing him. She was focused on healing him. She knew…yes…he was broken. One of these things she KNEW how to fix. She had to deal with first.  I truly adore the way these two play off one another. They are a brilliant balance. They don’t even need the words sometimes. Frig knows…the makeup/prop department sure as hell killed it as far the whole business with fixing up Jamie’s hand went.

That looked pretty...gross...n...gross.
That looked pretty…gross…n…gross.

Sure …things have to look realistic. They did. Graphic even. Bones jutting out, skin being tugged at and sewn together. Hearing the bones scraping together, seeing the blood squishing. There are people who squirm ‘n gag at sights like that. There are folks who “ooooh & ahhhh”. There are even ones that sit on the edge of their seat & examine the scene for inconsistencies because they are in the medical profession. Whichever you are -I think we can agree, they did a friggen sweet job of it.

giphy

The voice over helped me through this scene.  Concentrating on her words made me not want to toss my cookies.  The way she wrapped it in that crazy contraption was SO cool looking. Rigged up & completely not like something ‘perfect’. So it was.  Primitive & barbaric. Like the wounds that were beneath the bandages.

Claire is sent to bed by Brother Paul- he will take care of him. She needs her rest. She leaves the room. Walking through the halls, she starts making some retching noises then goes ahead & pukes. Hubby pipes up & says. “She’s knocked up isn’t she…she’s been puking EVERYWHERE!”

Considering we read Outlander a few months ago for our #Bedtimestories, it’s not a shocker he thinks he is figuring something new out.

GOOD BOY

GOOD BOY

It’s always nice to be watching the show & have wee bits from the book pop in. For someone who does adore the books, it is like finding a $5.00 bill in the pocket of someone’s jeans when you are doing the wash (or so my hubby tells me). This added sweetness is Father Anselm & Claire’s moment in the chapel. It’s familiar yet still different. It is poignant & meaningful.  Claire essentially confesses all to him. Taking the chance that she may very well be sitting next to another Father Bain ~

However, I think she knew his heart from the start.  His kindness was apparent.   Hubcicle & I looked at one another with big ole dumb grins on our faces when he turned to Claire & said “How marvelous…a miracle perhaps” such a different reaction from what she had expected. We know that Claire never particularly found herself to be a woman of faith but in that moment – there was calm. It seemed her reserve was restored. It was an awesome moment and even though the powers that be said it was moved all around in post production. They put it in the perfect spot. It fit just right.

Sure, Jesus is cool...it's just some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*
Sure, Jesus is cool…some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*

The next day, Jamie is still refusing to eat & he is running a fever. Claire lets him know even though his hand looks like hamburger, it’s coming along nicely.  He’s none too receptive however. He doesn’t want to be saved. That’s just not nice.  She’s trying…really really trying.

We cut scene to the boys, Angus thinks its just a good idea to get drunk. Being sober sure as flip isn’t going to cure Jamie. Murtagh is confident that Claire can heal Jamie’s wounds but he knows that Jamie isn’t eating – that bothers him. Willie tells a tale of his uncle who did the same after an accident…starved himself he did. Uplifting story Willie. Thanks for sharing. Someone smack him would you?  Thanks Angus. Nice aim!

right in my eye

I do like Willie. A lot. He can be a dumb kid sometimes & they do to dumb kids what I WANT to do to dumb kids. Good cuff upside the head. You know…in a kind way *ahem*

Annnnnnnnyway…One of my favourite scenes in the show is between Murtagh & Jamie.  I can’t understand a bloody word they are saying because non hablez de gaelic. Uh-huh…I’m a canucklehead through and through. Sorry. If you DO want to know the conversation.Turns out, it is as touching & gut wretching as they portray it. Hit up this website. They even spell Gaidhlig with the lil accenty things all fancy n stuff.everythings-so-fancy-on-firefly-with-jewel-staite

You can see the heartbreak on Murtagh’s face. The despair on Jamie’s as well. For about a second I want them to take the cameras off of their faces because it is too painful. THEN the show WENT to the next scene…GAH go back. Please! I would rather them go back to the heartbreak & despair faces…yeah…please.

It is another flashBANG…and a bad one. Jamie dragging himself across the dungeon of dooms cold floor. He is naked in a way that angers us. He is bloodied in various places that make us want to go all mamabear. He is struggling across the stones, vomiting & looking very much – destroyed.

The bastard…aka…oh…I have so many names for him right now, none of them the least bit flattering and some might even burn your retinas when you read them. I am hating on him THAT much. Tobias PLAYED that character so well it made me angry to see his smug, priggish *sigh* whatever. Smug as usual. Wanting to know if Jamie has reached his limit. Geez…I WONDER?  When you start hallucinating “Claire Jack Randall”…you know shit’s done gone sideways and your cheese done fell of your cracker.

not funny
Those 2 faces really shouldn’t melt together like that. Nightmares – daymares – night terrors – day terrors…that’s what THAT face is made of.

Its apparent Jamie keeps reaching for the one thing that gives him solace. Claire. Creep Master doesn’t want him to have any part of it then lights to the realization that- “Hmmm this Claire thing can really mess with the boy.”  To watch Claire’s image fade from Jamie’s grasp & him curl up in a naked ball & cry like a babe was simply heartbreaking. How’d we all manage not curl up with him?  I wanted to spoon him. But…he was pretty grimy.  I have standards. *kidding* I don’t.

CCMG played the Claire Card…wanted Jamie’s surrender. “Are you mine?” Jamie – confused, broken & out of his head- heard Creepy but saw Claire. “Yes, only you.” Jamie said in his addled state.  The sadistic dick at this point didn’t care HOW he got Jamie’s surrender- he just wanted it. He didn’t care Jamie was out of his head delusional, he wanted him complacent – that was how he got him.

There is no better term for it than mindbuggery. (I don’t believe the term existed before now, I am pretty sure I made it up- well inadvertently Diana made it up – I just named what he did to Jamie.) Captain Creepy took a walk to his bag of tricks hanging in the room & pulled out his seal…heated in the huge lantern to a red hot brand & sauntered…yeah…the twisted frito chip sauntered over to Jamie & pointed to a place on his chest. Casually telling him to show him that he was Jamie’s. Mindbuggery folks.

mindfuckery

Jamie had a moment…a small moment where there was defiance. The brand did not make it to the spot on his chest where Captain Creepy intended it to go. Jamie did brand himself. However the brand was on his ribs. The look on CCMG’s face was something like…well…that wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it’ll do.

Every. Single.Time. Post production did a brilliant job of taking us out of that cell. Jamie was laying weak & wasted  in that sonofablankityblanks arms, with me wishing I could reach through the screen and tear him from his grasp when they put him back in the bed of the Abbey, rubbing his brand.

ouch-kiss-it-better-1

Oh how I wish things were this simple for our Jamie *sigh*

 I just wanna reach through that big ole screen and kiss his booboo better…the brand one, the other…well. No.

The group gathers as Willie rides up after doing some recon. Redcoats are going to get closer & they know they have to get Jamie out of there. They also know he isn’t getting better, if they wait much longer…well…monks don’t make good warriors do they?

giphy (1)

They do the geography. France. That is the safest place for them right now.  Murtagh makes a point of stating he will secure a ship. Always durable. Always reliable. Murtagh.

Willie’s up next. Oh…sorry…that sounded naughty. O.k. maybe it only sounded naughty to us pervyMcperversons.  I expect by now the majority of those reading this particular burst…ah…are.  Annnnywhoo…Willie, concerned for Jamie & wanting to see if he can help checks up on him. He isn’t a stupid kid like some of the men treat him.  He sees the value of the relationship between Jamie & Claire. He tries to get Jamie to see it again. Granted he isn’t fully aware of the torment Jamie has suffered.  Still he asks what he can do.  Jamie, seeing the blade Willie carries, asks for it. So he can end things…once and for all.

I heard of a huge outcry from fans about this particular scene. Saying Jamie would NEVER kill himself. Ummmm hey folks…what do you think he was trying to do in the book when he wasn’t eating & pushing everyone away…same thing…different means. Yup.  Again, Jamie was in a different frame of consciousness – not the Jamie we know & love. Not the Jamie he had grown into. It was “this” experience that helped him become the man that would never do that. Maybe? Perhaps?

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

 Of course Willie tells him to get bent, leaves & tattles on him to Claire.  SHE then goes straight to Murtagh…who is her Dear Abby. First Murtagh is happily telling her he has booked passage on a ship but he quickly reads her face & trails off .She tells him of Jamie wanting Willie to kill him & grasps from Murtagh’s look that he knew about Jamie’s state of mind.  Claire knew too…we all know that but she was sailing down the river denial.

Claire sure as hell doesn’t think being tortured & raped is enough reason to want to die…hell…look at all the crap SHE has been through & SHE keeps keeping on.  Okey Dokey says Murtagh but if Jamie falls so far down a hole we can’t get him out…I’m not going to watch him suffer…I will take him out! That would be kinda like pulling the plug in today’s view I’d say.

This is when Claire…faints…dead away. Big fat hairy hint to everyone.

In the next scene she comes to with Brother Paul caressing her neck & Murtagh feebly tapping his hand on his dirk & being very anxious. Here- I vere off –   I LOVE what Duncan Lacroix has done with this character.  He has completely given life to him that I never expected. I adored Murtagh in the books,but because I connect to introverted & awkward folks. It is like Duncan grasped onto that & not only gave Murtagh this…dimension of being…but gave him an added bit of personality that makes you smile, just seeing him. Man…he made me laugh out loud when he said “Scairt the piss right outta me.” He had the decency to look abashed because the monk was in the room with them. Which gave us a breather. We needed it!  Murtagh has become a steady – not just for Claire but for the audience.thank you

Murtagh calls it like it is.  Jamie can’t be pulled from the darkness that is eating him up unless someone goes into that darkness after him.  It’s quite simple really.  You see Claire think about this & this woman -who has faced down evil priests, witch hunters, scorned teenage girls (those are SCARY), sadistic freaks of nature,  english deserters with rape in mind…yeah…she knows she can handle going into the dark reaches of the mind of the man she loves more than life itself. She has this covered.

Claire starts the prep work. First on the list… girlfriend is making some lavender oil. She means business. Take no prisoners, she is getting her man back.

She goes into Jamie’s room & he is already having bad dreams, she puts the oil under his nose. He hears Captain Creepy’s voice & sees his sick smiling face looming over his bed at him. When Claire speaks again, it is her face there…mocking him & this sets Jamie into confusion. He tells her to leave him be- she’s all “Yeah right…tried that…look where it has gotten us. I’m trying something else.” The more she pushes Jamie…the more Captain Creepy’s mindbuggery pushes forward. Jamie can’t help but see HIS face like he was seeing CLAIRE’S in the cell.  Jamie snaps, he throws Claire to the ground but due to the fact she is ready…girlfriend gives his a swift kick and a few good smacks. Jamie is pretty weak – you know…when you don’t eat or take care of yourself, you get on the flimsy side. He manages to get her on the floor telling her he doesn’t want to hurt her. Yeah…think about that will you. You ARE hurting her A LOT! You want to kill yourself AND you won’t tell her why! That buddy…that hurts a whole helluvalot more than throwing a girl around a room. In the struggle she tears at his…ummm…I’m not even sure what to call what he is wearing. It’s not really a nighty or ever a strip of cloth. It effectively covered all his man bits. Manbit loinwear? Anyway. She tore at it…and saw the JR branding.

What? What's that?
What? What’s that?

She think she KNOWS he was branded. Tries to tell him that it’s alright but he tells her nope.Not alright.  HE is the one that branded himself. That means it goes way deeper. It’s time Jamie told her the truth. Claire didn’t WANT to hear the words but knew he NEEDED to say them…to free himself of them.

It’s true you know – if we let things go in that way. It can free us of an inner torture. Give our pain away to someone who doesn’t “feel” it the way we do.

lifelesson

Toger Brings you LIFE LESSONS

He tells her that the sick & twisted pretzel brain didn’t just use force on him…he made love to him. It was an admission you could tell he never wanted to share with her. Frankly – what man WOULD want to?

This is something that hasn’t changed in centuries with male victims of sexual violence & assault.  I worked with victim services for many many years. Male victims are out there. Male victims are much quieter & there is a huge stigma attached to “being” a victim. Survivors of assault & rape rarely come forward. There are so many complex reasons. More than any one person could begin to explain. Shame is only one of the reasons. Victim shaming is abhorrent and I am a shame the shamer kinda gal.

hang-thine-head-in-shame

Jamie takes another trip down flashBANG lane.  This is the one that many people had a problem with.  This is the one some claimed wasn’t in the book.   It’s all about how we “read” & “percieve”.

Jamie is clearly out of it. He wakes momentarily to see his tormentor getting washed up. Thanks pal. Mighty kind of you to be conscious of your physical hygiene since your mind is a dirty as a toilet seat in a 1 star hotel. *eyeroll*

Captain Creepy wakes our Jamie with some of that stank in a bottle.  He starts another round of his mindbuggery. He brings Claire to Jamie’s mind – speaking of her hands as he brings his over Jamie’s body with oil. With the delusion & unimaginable pain he has been in – the escape of the words “Think of your wife.” brought a resounding “YEAH! Think of CLAIRE…get the hell out of that room!” from even my husband.  After all – Jamie thought he was supposed to die shortly – if he FOUGHT this process – he surely would have suffered greater pain – YEP…this was not a scene that was “enjoyable” to watch. It certainly was not “comfortable”. However…it had a purpose.  Captain Creepy USED Jamie’s LOVE for Claire. He USED Jamie’s NEED for Claire and his NEED for comfort to get what he WANTED. The mindbuggery goes into full on buggery & he breaks Jamie completely. He gets our Jamie to surrender completely. The rotten sonofawhoseawhatyawannacallhim got exactly what he wanted.

OMG That makes me SO angry!
OMG That makes me SO angry! 

Jamie…breaks…he realizes exactly what just went down. The release was inevitable. He faces the fact that at the hands of this monster he gave over everything. He cries like a child & Captain Creepy has the nuts to say “I understand, she will never forgive you.”  Ummmmm really? This guy is more twisted than a balloon animal.

That’s finally over & we are back on the floor of the Abbey with Jamie & Claire.  He tells her straight up – he was glad not to feel pain for a bit in that moment. She needed to let him know that whatever he was thinking he had to know that there was nothing to forgive.  He was sure he was “less” to her because of it – because he was broken by him.  That quite pissed her off.  The words she speaks, she speaks with heart & vehemence. Jamie- throws them back at her.

He weakly gets back onto the bed. Tells her, he is disgusted with himself. THAT…that right there makes Claire go into I’M your wife mode.  She forces him to SEE HIMSELF as SHE sees him.  She forces him into the position she has been in.  Take yourself from ME will you? Then fine.  I go too.

You know…often we only need to see ourselves as others see us to get a fresh perspective. Sitting staring through our own self pity…looking down at ourselves, it so much different than when someone physically holds a mirror up and says HERE! THIS IS WHAT I SEE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. POWERFUL. REMARKABLE & I LOVE IT BECAUSE…

lifelesson

Moving on quickly to cutting that JR brand out. Big hunka charred flesh scooped  & flung into the fire quick as may be.  Quite a few loogey’s hawked in this episode. The last one sizzled on the fire with the man meat of Jamie’s rib. Yet another scar to add to his collection. Seriously Jamie, you are like a good ole fashion TIMEX

post-8194-0-36118000-1426349325

Takes a lickin alright…

To the shores for our goodbyes with the men. Rupert & Angus are always good for a laugh with their banter. Of course, this is the last time for a while.  Angus had to leave us with something memorable. A handful of fans were not impressed by his behaviour- uncalled for & the like…we might want to remember he’s often used for comic relief & to take our minds off things of a serious nature.  The series isn’t going to last forever folks, let’s not take everything so seriously – especially the likes of Angus aye?

angus
Yes this is the face we are to take seriously…

I must say, I do find Jamie looks quite appealing in his tricorn hat. Wait.I’d find Jamie appealing shaved bald with a polka dotted beanie. Never mind. My observations are futile.

The way Willie stood on the shore…staring out at them as they sailed away gave me pause. Made me believe – we could be seeing young Willie sooner than later.

Maybe we do...yeah...that'd be cool. Willie in France!
Maybe we do…yeah…that’d be cool. Willie in France! I’m just making guesses not starting rumours. It’s only a rumour if you repeat it.

On the ship, Jamie is trying to get his sea legs, which is hard because he isn’t very sea worthy.  Claire too…green around the gills it seems. They chat about how both are Pukey McPukersons – then Claire & Jamie start talking about their future in France. What they will be doing? Where they will go? The rising…if they can stop it.  I keep on looking at Jamie’s hand. Damn that’s dark.  Bruised and nasty. Keep talking though guys, I hear you.  Claire wants to stop Culloden from happening. She all but convinces Jamie they can change the future if they try.

Shhhhh....we aren't going to talk about THAT!

Shhhhh….we aren’t going to talk about THAT!

But now…she has something else to tell him. SOMETHING ELSE? You wanna change the future. That’s a lot right there sister. Now what?   You wanna fly to the moon? You wanna set Murtagh up with the chambermaid?

Claire tells Jamie she has a little bundle of Fraser baking in her bunnery! OH GOODY! Yeah, all of us book readers knew…know…but they have been playing with the adaption so we can never be 100% sure what they are going to do with things.  This was a great way to play it. Jamie’s face was blank…WTF?! How’d that happen-ness! Sure, he “knows” HOW it happens but as far as he was aware, Claire wasn’t able to have babies.  She isn’t wrong often but this time. YUP! Wrong! Jamie hit the baby making button.

Can't wait till he learns about these lil fellas!
Can’t wait till he learns about these lil fellas!We will get there! I know we will! YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH!

It’s hard to judge by his face if he is happy because he looks so confused. He uttered a little gaelic…could have been interpreted as “holy shit”. Read the scots blog I posted earlier and they tell you what he said there too.  She simply asks him if he is happy. The gap between his thoughts & his heart collide.  He never thought he would be happy again. But he is. VERRA VERRA HAPPY INDEED! They embrace with such enthusiasm I wanted to jump into it! In fact, they drew Murtagh to them…the smile on his face…well damnit.

won't cry...won't.....WAAAAHH

Won’t cry…Won’t…..WAAAAHH

They leave us with the most gorgeous view of our couple standing on the deck of the ship together. Staring out into their future. Jamie looking down to his wife & growing child. The ship turning…headed to- well- France right?

We have entered the land of #NaughtLander.

Look how beautiful it can be though.  Don't let it get you down.  ENJOY IT.

Look how beautiful it can be though. Don’t let it get you down. ENJOY IT.

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!

 Do not despair. There is so much for fans to do.

We promise to be here for you. Whether you like it or not. I will continue to provide my own personal brand of edutainment.  This fandom is FULL of talent.  I am gonna be throwing a bunch of it at you. Check out our twitter @ABOotlanders .  This is where we LIVETWEET with each episode. As we watch on Showcase. We furiously tweet. In fact our magic tweeters started the #OutlanderCAN. Which I will brag @ABOotlanders got to trend during episodes 8 and 16.  Canadians don’t brag but we toot our own tooters when tooting is justified. It takes a team of us @tlmfarmgirl is my TwitterTrending Posse…xo

We love to share the love.  Not, like STD share but you know…the other share.

See...clean... *eyelash flutter*

See…clean share…not dirty… *eyelash flutter*

That wasn’t so bad.  I know it took me a while to get to Episode 16. No…it wasn’t because I was scairt either.  It was because…get ready…I have this thing that gets in the way sometimes. It is called a life. UGH! I know right. RUDE!

Plus I love to hear from you. Comment – blab- chat away. I will answer.

SL/Sher or Hey You…the ABOotiest of ABOotlanders

Be grateful. Soon, my friends…we shall have – #NaughtLander!

faintIllustration

Swooning Fanlanders every where. WHAT SHALL WE DO?…………….. That’s what I’m afraid of!

We have ONE…count ’em ONE episode of our obsession left.

The only thing that makes this GIF better is if the ice cream was whisky flavoured

The only thing that would make this GIF better  – the ice cream is whisky flavoured.

There are a number of fans spending their time with their panties in bunches, (my advice…take those suckers off if they are giving you such a hassle). There is another segment having more than debates about cast members being shown or not shown love and appreciation from the powers that be, ( A little dose of reality here…what we see online or hear in blurbs in one hour podcasts or in small panels, yes, compared to 24 hour days, 7 day weeks and 30 day months and 12 month years…a few hours of panels that are made available to us-  are heartbeats in these individuals lives- are NOT reality. We have zero clue as to what in fact goes on in their LIVES. Do not claim to have an idea of how they are treated, validated or appreciated by their peers.  It is insulting- because, we’re not there.). Lifting us ALL UP TOGETHER, gatherings of fans in the UK which turned out to be like, the best gathering ever…making, you know…the rest of us super jealous. Which is always a great look. I happen to be stunning in green.

ron moore

If Ron D. Moore says it, it’s gotta be true right??

As far as I am concerned…for every 2 ughs….ONE WHOOHOO…simply cancels ANY the others out. Period. End of story. FINITO!

you-know-im-rightIt seems to be, in this day and age…common sense is like a superpower.  Which brings me to a post I read today.  Diana Gabaldon is surely my newest superhero.  I sure as hell hope she has a cape somewhere…OH! Wait…never mind…SHE DOES! She has LOTS of capes!  Like one for EVERY occasion!

PicMonkey Collage

Diana posted something on her FB today that was again, thought provoking & full of common sense.  You know…her super power.  Every fan should read it AND take it for what it is. I will not reiterate what she said. I will  just say DITTO!

common

Before people call me a sheep for blindly following what Diana says, you know. It’s not like that. Sometimes folks, we simply happen to have a genuine respect for people who happen to deserve said respect. Let’s say, their capabilities and their art. When that happens, we don’t bother with being negative and trying to take anything away from them.  We go about our life with an infinite gratitude for the people in it that have these abilities.

It is not niavity, it is not foolishness, it is not blind following. It is called respect, gratitude & acceptance.  It is called living our life differently than other who choose to live theirs in a different way.  We ain’t knockin down anyone else’s door, don’t knock down ours…It’s happens to be a matter of kindness as well.

Kindness...yes....it looks like this. We LOVE a lil kindness

Kindness…yes….it looks like this. We LOVE a lil kindness

Yes, We happen to do the same for those who create the show.  WE CHOOSE, to see the best in it, not to be an armchair critic.We allow the professionals to do their thing the way they see fit…and ENJOY it.  Even the parts that some others CHOOSE not to find enjoyable.  Does this make sense?

200

If ya can’t quote a classic cartoon, who can ya quote???

We don’t have episodes we hated & ones we loved.  We have episodes we loved and ones we loved the most. We have ones we watched a dozen times & ones we watched 3. See…that’s us.  It’s all a matter of perception isn’t it? We have fans who will wax poetic over Tobias & drool over him. Switch directions, same is true for Sam…and we are equal opportunity…we ALL love Caitriona. We tend to think she is the most stunning and talented actress out there.  Our biased opinions on Tobias & Sam don’t stop at their looks naturally.  Anyone argues talent, depth, humour…well we might have a problem.tumblr_inline_n2zoj0rWFK1rg0g8s

Perceive from the positive. Always Assume Positive Intent & We will get along JUST fine.

Now…after the final episode airs…

we will wait…we will wait a long time. We will be #WithOutlander.

Fans will get restless. The crazy will start to creep over the line…others will play jump rope with the line for funzies…hell…some might start doing lines…with the line. Bringing a WHOLE new meaning to #Cracklanders.  The truth is, there is no stopping it.  Don’t try.

You know...before it begins...

You know…before it begins…BAH…don’t even bother…like don’t.

The ONLY thing we can do…is the best version of ourselves.  Try our best NOT to get sucked into any drama. That is always our choice.  My Mom (may she be partying wherever she is…I never understood this resting stuff) used to say “No one can MAKE you do anything.”

cNiCY

Can’t make me. I say!

There will be casting announcements.  We already got one…thanks to Maril Davis (who happens to be my favourite producer…I think it’s her hair & sass)

maril

Bouton…Awwwwwww…I hear the pup is a Diva.  *snort*  Can’t wait to see this lil chewbacca in action. There will be contests, photos from the set & interviews, & comicons.

This is our time to stick together my friends. Lift each other up. Entertain one another.  ENJOY one another.  As one of our wonderfully positive ABOotlanders said, we will have lots of time to enjoy the creative genius that this fandom has! Lady Raven! Julia LeBlanc! aka girlfrog.tumblr! Loverdove Productions! Beth Wesson! Keetin Marchi! These are just a few to keep you busy. #WATCHTHISSPACE because we will keep you entertained with ideas & fun with other Outlander POSITIVE fans during #NaughtLander.

Remember…When a negative hits your feed – come back with 2 positives.  It’s up to us to keep our world a HAPPY & WONDERFUL place.

Should be easy since we a bunch of happy & wonderful people right?

damn-straight-43659033712

The Blogburst for To Ransom A Man’s Soul AKA TRAMS- (oh…dear) will take a bit of time, as it will be a delicate matter to find the balance betwixt my ummmm nature and the nature of the show.  Don’t you worry though. I WILL do it.  I did it for #WentworthPrison. I will do it for #TRAMS

Catch ya on the flipside

So many bad jokes...why?

I don’t even understand why she keeps including me…

SL…the ABOotiest of the ABootlanders

They went there. You know…to Wentworth.

and it was worth it.

I am going to forewarn you. You generally come back to this blogburst because I make you laugh. Just because Wentworth has the climate it has. Doesn’t mean I am going to be dark and foreboding with no humour. It means it my humour will most likely be darker and more foreboding.  It will seem more likely that I will be going to hell more quickly & if you laugh at the things I say, I will be in good company when I get there…presuming you die first.

jk

Just Kidding…kinda…sorta.

We won’t have debates over heaven & hell. It’s all one big party to me.

You have the right & the freedom to stop reading this blogburst at any time. I do not say that with callousness or any inclination of rudeness. I say that with a kind heart and open mind.  The same as I ask for you to have if you choose to keep reading.

The humour I have is…mmmm….occasionally dry. Like a popcorn fart. It can be “in your face groan worthy”…you know…Grandpa humour, only I’m only semi old, no penis & don’t have hair growing out of my ears…yet. Sometimes it can be downright slap your knee …”Girlfriend…YOU AIN’T RIGHT!” That is of course, me, just talking to myself.

kitty-foreman-s-laugh-o
Me n Kitty think I am freakin hilarious!  In our own minds of course

Continue, carry on, hang out with me or…don’t. I wont be offended. Know why? I won’t even know!

I will be offended if you continue to read then decide it is in your best interest to bitch about my being crass or my insensitivity to the subject matter cuz…well…shit. I warned you didn’t I?

You know, it is episodes like this one…and The Garrison that I am so incredibly thankful to Bear McCreary. He settles our bellies before each episodes starts. So kind of him…and go to his website and look at his face…he really is a sweet looking man.

I always think of our @ABOotlander crew when I watch too, how they are going to cope. One…Our Tobias adorer. Karen…when Tobias has Black Jack (AKA Captain Creep Master General)  out to play, many of our ABOotlander crew have the pitchforks at the ready.  Karen on the other hand…has her popcorn, comfy blanket and lipstick on. Girlfriend has her protective armour on for him. Posting things like this to remind us, and pictures of Tobias holding puppies…the furry kind – not the boobie kind.

tobias

Of course we all love Tobias…we love how good he is at making us despise that sunnuvawhosawhatRandall. Digression…OVER.

The title cards have become something I look forward to each week. Last weeks The Search one was one of my favourites with the marionettes & the stones. Freakin fabulous…and honest to frig…Wentworth Prison. COME ON!

Was I looking into a friend’s bedroom? *snort* I LOVED it. It was brilliant.  The iron mask.

shivers

shudder

I really could see in my looney mind’s eye,  Diana’s face light up watching that. Not because I think she is deranged…I don’t. I think for her to see this come to fruition – to see her name on THAT particular title card – to see the depth of work, not necessarily the darkness but hear the metal & honour…yeah…I could almost see the pride she was feeling. It made me incredibly HAPPY for her.

diana

THIS…RIGHT HERE. Got me…right…THERE in the feels – all of them.

Then we get the opening scene. Nothing like a WHOOMP there it is moment eh? Wentworth Prison…let’s get right on with it shall we?

Let's waste NO time

Let’s waste NO time

We get no preludes, no foreplay, no light kisses on the neck before they just start snappin them.  One neck… after the other. The hangmans noose stretching. *Blink Blink*  I am really trying to get the sound of cracking walnuts outta my head but it’s not going anywhere.

cracking walnuts

Interesting when Mom’s get together conversation usually turns to childbirth, sex or pooping…so.. about to be hanged men…talk about poopin’ too. These must be universal topics of conversation. Granted Jamie seems to want to change the topic to, you know…escaping or at least taking out a few guards before he goes out.  Taran, he really likes to hear himself talk though. Chatty, that guy…I like his voice…likedliked his voice. As long as it lasted.

Turns out, you probably shouldn’t bad mouth the people who are tying your noose for you.  They tend not to take kindly to it and give you a bad hang. Not such a clean break comes for our friend Taran. His game of hangman lasts a lot longer than it should have…right to the last letter. His word was GAMEOVER.

gameover

Jamie is next to the hangman’s stairs but he doesn’t go easy. He puts up a fight, it doesn’t last long. His ankles are  kinda in chains.  It’s pretty amazing how large he still looks against the redcoats but yeah, they put him to his knees.

Jamie doesn’t look at the noose when it goes around his neck. He was watching Taran, hanging there.  I have to say – I was a bit discombobulated watching that particular accessory making its way around Jamie’s beautiful throat. It did not match his eyes like…at ALL!

Riding in on his damn high horse…here he comes to save his day. Captain Creep Master General Himself…

Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if your nasty
Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if you’re nasty-
and he bloody well IS.

You WILL notice I said to save HIS damn day. Usually it’s a white horse someone rides in on to save someone…this was a black horse. Yeah…symbolism – THIS is not lost on me. Not lost on Jamie either. Jamie looks about ready to jump off the side of the platform. It is definitely one of those moments I am sure he goes back to in his mind over & over again while he is in that dungeon of his.

wellhung

*snort* I love our @ABOotlander hubbies.

Watching CCMG’s face in that moment…that sneer…it reminded me of someone from my childhood. Only took me a moment…the Raccoons villain. Cyril Sneer…nuck nuck nuck

cyril sneer

Jamie doesn’t give up, he is wearing quite possibly the ugliest anklet in the history of anklets…and I have been to Ardene’s.  That is saying something.  He keeps at it – it looks hopeless – it sounds hopeless – I am pretty sure – it’s hopeless but the man has what we call…ummm…false hope…so he keeps on yanking his chain.

How many men does it take to bring a condemned man a meal of stale bread & some water? 2. One to carry the plate & torch and one to carry the pitcher of water – that never gets used. Jamie looks pretty hungry though, he rips into the bread like he hasn’t eaten in a month. Could be it’s been that long. Somebody make that boy a sandwich! *Fan’s all over the world decry their feminist beliefs to get the bread & balogna out of the fridge*

Yes… accommodations at this place are atrocious. I sure hope he writes a scathing review!

yelp

Next, we (you know, all of us & Claire)  sit for a pleasant afternoon conversation with Sir Fletcher Gordon. The warden of Wentworth. Claire has made her way into the prison under the guise as a “distant family connection”.

Let’s detour for those not in the know…most of you are but it’s always a bit of fun trivia. Frazer Hines, who Diana spotted on an episode of Dr. Who about 100 yrs ago (Diana is ageless if you haven’t noticed) in a kilt & thought “Isn’t that fetching” and found herself still thinking of this young man in a kilt the next day…in church…and you wonder why I love this dirty woman?

If you want to read it all, read this from my friends at OutlanderTV News 

We are back with Claire & Dr.WhoSirGordon, letting her know…nope, Jamie isn’t dead…yet. “Stroke of luck” he says. Ummm, stroke of something but your definition of luck and mine are way different buddy. I call lucky hitting the 6/49 jackpot. Maybe that’s just me. *shrug*

Claire sees the Bible on Sir G’s desk. Puts her 2 & 2 together and comes up with Jesus. So she decides it is time to throw down the christian card.

Get it...Christian...card...throwing it...

Get it…Christian…card…throwing it…

It works. Kind of.  She hoped to see Jamie. That is a no. He’s a dangerous criminal and she is a high born English lady. That’s silly!  She asks maybe a letter of reconciliation for his family. Nah…that’s not appropriate. Sir G is probably thinking the Scot probably can’t read or write anyway. OH! But she could do a wonderful kindness & save them some expense by taking this rotten kids stuff home to his family. When he leaves the room…Claire starts to fall apart. FFS Caitriona Balfe is insanely talented & I have NO idea how someone did not see this sooner but I am pretty friggen happen the universe works the way it does and they didn’t. So there.

Sir G comes back and Claire pulls it back together pretty well. The old fart hands over everything the young prisoner owns in the world –  right here in this box to Claire. His whole life…

clairehands

I often talk about Caitriona’s face. This time it was her hands, the way she grasped the box, Held it. Yeah…that. Come on. Woman. It was like she held Jamie’s and her own heart…right there. I might add…mine.  Friggen box.

She leaves the prison weakened, stumbling & sickened. She throws up & Murtagh – grabs her & the box & carries her away from the place that cracked her heart – but didn’t break her. This is Claire. BADASS. I want to add. Duncan Lacroix has added THE 4th dimension to Murtagh that “I” always felt was there in the books that some others seem to be surprised by. For 20 yrs I have adored Murtagh – always thought he was soft, humourous & loveable…in a book you have to be willing to add the dimension…on TV the actor needs to be willing to give it. Duncan does with an extra bit of awesomeness mixed in. He gives us Murtagh. With an extra dash of eyebrows. The most expressive damned eyebrows to have lived. Yes, I know the eyebrows have their own twitter account.

weird

…that’s all I have to say about that

 

The next scene has Angus n Rupert seemingly playin hookey. Murtagh is pretty pissy with them. As much as a hardass as Murtagh is, his potty mouth is pretty tame. Donkeys?! Our virgin ears. *giggle*

Of course, it only seemed like Angus & Rupert were humpin’ the dog.  They in fact were doing some undercover interrogation. Sly, these two.  Letting not one…but 2 jailers from Wentworth win all their monies at dice so they can get them to flap their gums about what happens at the prison.  They get some really great recon information. LIKE – Sir G is super dedicated to his Bible time.  So much so…he is away from his office for a solid hour everyday.

Our Angus n Rupert are pretty damn proud of themselves…as they should be.

thinkerfeeler

Of course we go from the comedy duo straight to the depths of hell.  Nothing like jerking our emotional chains.

Let’s be off to the dungeon. Where Jamie is still struggling to free his chains – there is not much in this young man that says “Give Up.”  He can be heading to the gallows & he will get a shot in…as long as there is a chain to pull on…he will yank it.

Then there is Captain Creepy. He obviously was at top of his class in Smuggery101.

smugasfuck
Apologies to Jacks mom for calling her a bitch – I don’t know her but she went seriously wrong somewhere. Either she didn’t love him enough, dropped him on his head or something cuz…boyfriend just ain’t right.

He enters the dungeon, aka – pit of hell, aka Not so Suite of Torture. I could go on all day…but I won’t. It makes my tummy hurt. Someone have some Pepto?

Ira Steven Behr – one of the co-executive producers & writers of this particular show…ummm…yeah, he is brilliant. He wrote the dialogue in this episode. Brilliance? Yeah…I would say that. CCMG starts waxing poetic & falls into referencing the King of Men. Touching…isn’t it? He even makes reference to Brutus later as well…Ira…you killed me with these and I loved them. Seems I’m a twisted little pretzel myself.

Naturally, we can’t omit or forget that they introduced Marley. Not the cute loveable dog Marley…but the slackjawed…sidekick that is to be CCMG’s gopher. His strong arm & “body servant”.  Let’s all do a collective shudder together shall we? I am glad they didn’t match my imagination with this particular character. That would have been over the top & putrid. I am indeed disgusting because Marley of my mind…makes me want to jump off a bridge.

CCMG has a little chat with Jamie, letting him know he intercepted his petition of complaint against him. SUNNUVA! I am pretty sure we all heard him right, mentioning said petition “blackened his character”.  Perhaps it is time someone grabbed Doucher Von Douchermeister a flipping mirror because I am thinking her has never seen himself clearly. He has ZERO character TO blacken.

Do you hear yourself talking?

Do you hear yourself talking?

That damned Duke of Sandringham- I tell you the old sot needs to get a swift kick in his wee balls. SmugCaptain Creepy takes the petition out…historical document it was – burns it. That’s over…done.  Jamie knows it…we fade to black. Not Jack…just…black.

fade_to_black_animation_by_soulkreig-d34zj03

It leaves you feeling so…fadey

Now we are going back into Wentworth while Sir G McGee is doing his praying. Murtagh & Claire say that he told her to come back for a letter. Jamie was to write it for his family.  These English folks really need to hook up with 1-800-Dentist…I can smell the rot from here. It takes a bit for the gaurdie fella with the narsty teeth to let them alone but he does. They search the office for keys & a map of the prison…one seems easy enough. The map…not so much. Moments you wish GPS was handy.

lostgps

Good things never come from not knowing where you are or where you’re going.

We are back in the pits of hell where CCMG is trying to do away with formalities. Asking if he can call Jamie Jamie…umm how about you don’t call him? Or how about you call him a cab so he can get the hell outta there?  That would make this nicer. Oh right. It’s not supposed to be nice.

CCMG asks if he makes Jamie “uncomfortable” Hmmmm.  You know something bud? I think you would make kittens on a cloud of cotton balls uncomfortable. You aren’t exactly Nan’s fresh baked cookies on Christmas morning. He taunts Jamie with his flogging & the psychological damage he wanted to inflict on him. What he wants to do is make Jamie surrender himself to him, admit he has broken him & to watch him break some more.  He desperately wants Jamie to be afraid of him…that would get his rocks off like nobody’s business.

A gift. He wants to give Jamie a gift in return if gives him his surrender.  You know Jack ole buddy ole pal…your idea of a gift…WAY off. SO off…so very fucked up.

sick bastard

Yes, his gift is a clean & honourable ending of Jamie’s choosing *ahem*. Uh-huh. The worst part of this whole speech that CCMG is giving – he believes every word that is coming out of his dirty mouth.  Just think, he probably once kissed his own mama with that mouth.  The mouth that is condemning a man to choose his death & promising him he will surrender to him. Such a charmer that one eh?

Claire & Murtagh are still in Sir G-man’s office looking for the map. They found the keys but lot of good they will do if they can’t find their way around. Ummmm – so much for that. Caught by narsty teeth…that’s ok. Murtagh hits him square in the sweet spot. You know the one….that one that makes folks go night night without a lullabye. You have to admit the “Ambien Noodle Shot” is better than his “Slit Your Throat & Give You a FlipTop Head” performance. Plus, it’s more aesthetically pleasing.

No more time now for niceties or maps. It’s time to get searching for where Jamie is. Claire is doing this on her own because she can claim “Swoon oops – I’m lost” & Murtagh can be all “DER…huh what? I’m gone for presents n shit” They agree to meet in the woods & off they go.

roger-sterling-okie-dokie

Let’s do this thing shall we?

Let’s do this thing shall we?

 Claire is doing her level best to creep through bright & shiney halls of cheery Wentworth looking for her husband. I heard somewhere if you talk about something in a positive light, it will take on its tone.  Is it working?

Calling for Jamie amongst the cells filled with filthy, shivering…at least I really really hope that guy was shivering…men.  Nope…no Jamie. We all know where the poor sunnuvaellen is.

In one of the cells Jesus speaks. No for realsies. Jesus leads her way. His deep tenor raises from one of the glum cells, his face half lit with moonlight tells her where she can find her man.

See...TOTALLY Jesus...

See…TOTALLY Jesus…pray for us sinners. Mostly me.

Back in the condo of condemnation with Captain Creepy, Marley & their not so comfortable guest Jamie Fraser… our hosts anxiously awaiting the lads choice of death. Damn it son…there’s no choice! I WILL NOT SURRENDER!

I will NEVER surrender!

I will NEVER surrender!

Jack ain’t even mad. In fact, he seems chipper- impressed  *eyeroll*  He wonders if Jamie will let him see his back. What a weirdo. Marley…is anyone in there?  You know what’s going on big guy?  Really…Jamie just wants Creepy to shut the hell up – actually – there is something else going on behind those baby blues.

you-re-dead-to-me-o

Captain Creepy takes a wide walk around our Jamie…wanting to feast his eyes on his back.  Reaches & gets close enough that Jamie spins and is able to grab him by the throat & exchange some words. Marley’s cerebral cortex seems to be functioning on some level and he joins in the action. The scene plays out much like it did in the book…only…this time I can super see it! Right there…on the screen. This is still freaking me out!

ofpje

I don’t know if its cool or freaky or messed up or ALL of it

Marley, doing what he thinks…well…if he does think…and not just ‘does’ what his minimal capacity base instinct of “fetch scot” gave him the inclination to do…does and he damn near kills Jamie until Captain Creepy deals Marley a good ole fashion Frantics Boot to the Head.

Slackjawed bugger looks as stupefied as…well…he is. So, we DON’T want him dead? We DO want him dead? Duh….boss….I’m so confused!

uh duh ok boss whatever you say boss

uh duh ok boss whatever you say boss

Since Marley just grunts n stares. He seems to respond to being called dog…we aren’t apt to know exactly what is going on in his big ole head.  He is ordered to get Jamie to his feet. He does. Basic obedience. It’s his jam.

This is the moment when Captain Creepy just decides…pulls this random idea out of the blue. Jamie’s hand would look better as hamburger. Grabbing his handy dandy mallet.Why the hell not? Get Marley to hold his hand & we will just smash it all to shit.   I heard people saying…why did Jamie scream so much when his hand was being crushed by a mallet but he didn’t make a sound during the flogging?

really Let’s spell this out for you.

  • 29 major and minor bones (many people have a few more).
  • 29 major joints.
  • At least 123 named ligaments.
  • 34 muscles which move the fingers and thumb:
    • 17 in the palm of the hand, and
    • 18 in the forearm.
  • 48 named nerves:
    • 3 major nerves.
    • 24 named sensory branches.
    • 21 named muscular branches.
  • 30 named arteries and nearly as many smaller named branches.

Maybe that? But I am only guessing.

seriously

PLUS…Gretel needed a sound to follow…didn’t she?  I mean Claire.

We have to cut back to the depths of that dungeon room, Captain Creepy done crushing Jamie’s hand- he is almost passed out from the pain of it. Captain has real blame issues, simply refuses to accept responsibility for his own actions  Nope- we can’t have that. CCMG wants his attention. Wakey Wakey rise n shine! Jamie wakes up alright..wakes up pretty pissed off & lunges- which turns out…excites lil creepy. This kids…is BAD TOUCHING. You know the kind that Mom told you about. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

The biggest hint that you are a disgusting human being is when another disgusting human being looks at you like this…marleygross

But no no. Even Creepy was getting too Creepy for Creepy.  He has a fantasy to uphold and he wasn’t going to ruin it for himself. No way. No how. Time to get lil creepy into check.

Charlie Sheen26
I know…Im giving him too much credit but this GIF makes me giggle

SO yeah Jamie…he is there to HELP you. Help…again…this dude’s vocabulary is so incredibly backward & disjointed…it makes my head hurt. Jamie just passes out. He is so over this. Done like dinner.

Our Claire was making her way through the hallways…hot damn how I love that woman.  Even with her desperation to find her husband, even hearing the screams, she has the wherewithal to find that door to the outside, unbolt, unlock and leave it.  I kinda wish she would have kept that bolt so she could have used it to give Captain Creepy an enema…not gonna lie. Truth is though – any weapon she would have had- would have been turned around to be used on her so good call sister!

Major reason we love Claire. S.M.A.R.T.

smartie-pants

Claire is a regular smartypants.

The moment she finds him…I find myself transported back to the first time I picked up Diana’s book. I kid you not. I don’t care one wit that all dialogue isn’t there because I still have the books if I want to read them.  I FELT THIS like I did the first time I read it.  After the second time I watched it…I felt it again…the third time…I felt it again. You know what? I was never able to get that first time reader feeling back though. That is what I love about the show & the actors bringing the pages to life. The added dimension that you get to experience over and over.

funny-gifs-that-was-fun-lets-do-it-again

OMG…that was unsettling…let’s do it again

Jamie knows she is there…and tells her to go because he knows that freak of nature is coming back. She doesn’t want to leave without him and grabs the mallet & the keys and tries to get him free- but yeah…Jamie…even in his delirium…totally right. Freakshow & his ape…are back. Claire throws some insults his way…calls him a fucking sadistic piece of shit. Which he is but he doesn’t know it because he doesn’t know what most of what she said is. Interesting concept…Black Jack Randall…invented it.

mind_blown_david_tennant

He WAS the original fucking sadist..MIND BLOWN

Oh a little chance with a couple Redcoats bounding through the halls looking for Claire, she implores them to take her to Sir G but yeah, they are pretty terrified of Old Creepy –  because he is an Officer or because he is him. They know it ain’t right but Captain Creepy could have them there tomorrow so God Save the King and all that jazz…off they go!

Captain Creepy lets Marley get all up in Claires business, talks about seeing you next tuesday and how nope…even being as disgusting and nasty as HE is…he wouldn’t even want to watch Marley have his way with her. You can almost taste the vomit can’t you?

barf

yup…right there…in my mouth

 

Claire isn’t taking any of this. When Marley is all curled around her…the bigger they are…the harder the knee to their balls. Down he drops like the sack of shite he is. She slams CCMG into the wall and throws a chain around his neck!  WHOOOOOHOOOO You Go GIRL!

Jamie, see’s this – takes the opportunity, grabs the chair leg from the floor with what energy he has lunges and gives Marley a good old fashioned you are dead tracheotomy! BOOM!

CCMG knocks Claire ass over teakettle. Thank Ms.Fitz for bumrolls cuz that may have busted a sisters tailbone.

The hero’s can’t have the upper hand for long though. Not in this story. Not right now. Jack heaves Claire up by her throat because he is always so gentle. Jamie…gallantly screams for him to stop & offers himself to the sicko burrito if he lets her go.

It sounds good to him but nothing is cut & dried with Captain Creepy. Nope. We have to make sure you know just how much business he means.  He now pulls a rusty nail (not the drink) out of a board and drives it into Jamie’s already ruined hand & the table itself- you know just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. Cuz, yeah, the next train leaves in 5 minutes & he might wanna hop on that.

When Creepy pulled that nail out and started that business & Jamie reached for Claire. MAN! COME ON! I have feels that I must control & you people are making it NOT EASY!

jamieclairetogether2

It was torturous. It was beautiful. It was confusing as hell to my heart & my brain.  This writing team is going to turn me into some sort of psychotic. Or some might argue keeping me on the path…

The acting. Impeccable. I believe Tobias – as Jack is a freak of nature. I believe Caitriona – as Claire is breaking piece by piece and I believe Sam – as Jamie, is in complete agony &  accepting his fate, giving up his soul to save the life of the woman he loves. These people have transformed for me.

Ugh, Creepy then went in for a kiss…yeah. A kiss…we all spit after…right along with Jamie. My hubs wasn’t happy…you know the popcorn…not good soggy.

giphy

and NO…it is NOT because it was a dude kissing a dude…it is because it was Captain Creepy kissing Jamie…in front of his wife. THAT AIN’T RIGHT!

Jamie tells Creepy to take her away.  Not wanting to go – she runs back to him- Jamie, always the hero…tells her… she must do it and tells her he loves her…calls her mo nighean donn. They Kiss…so tender like there is no pain – no hurt…only them… Then she is taken away.

nailed it

As Captain Creepy is escorting her out, he mentions he heard about the rumour of her being a witch.  Claire, never one to miss an opportunity…doesn’t JUST walk through that door, she smashed it open and breaks his damn nose with it.

witchiam

Just to prove her point to him, she says his full name, date of birth, she curses him and tells him the day he dies…for dramatic effect, whispers it in his creepy little ear.  I think he pooped a little.

I thought karma was a bitch…turns out. Black Jack Randall is…especially when you tell him news like that. He throws you out into a pit of dead folks. Not pleasant.

Taran McQuarrie made his final appearance. Dead. He still looked pretty good.  I am just thankful we don’t have smell-o-vision. That would have been gnarly.

Lucky Jamie gets Jack back.

sarcasm

Claire crawled outta a deadfolk hole & into the woods where she was supposed to find the boys.  The scene with the wolf from the book didn’t happen & you know what? OK.  Can you imagine was a nightmare that would be production wise? Time, CGI, actual wolves, poor Cait…yeah…I am not heartbroken to rely on my imagination for the rest of my life for that one.

I may not have been completely heartbroken if we never went back into the chamber of misery but noooooooooooo- right back there and in a jiffy too.

We start of with a tad bit of good intentions we do.  Captain Do Right, unchains Jamie’s ankle & gives him his word Claire is safe away. You know, that even catches in my throat as I type it. Sure…he has some honour for what sick, demented line it crosses.

post-26206-Yosemite-Sam-keeps-crossing-Bu-vFRB

Yeah, it takes him all of 20 seconds to cross said line.  He tears open Jamies shirt to view his…masterpiece. Seriously. He is touching Jamie’s back like it’s a sheet of braille and he is reading it FFS! If it says anything Captain Creepy….it says you are one sick MoFo!  Now…CCMG doesn’t just cross lines…he takes said line…kicks it a few feet…then jumps the hell over it.

I am pretty sure if you wandered into the Le Louvre and started licking the Mona Lisa…your ass would get kicked out. Captain Creepy…you have graduated to Captain Cracked. That is NOT a masterpiece…YOU are not an artist… Jamie’s back is NOT a canvas.  Would someone please find Mentalmarvin a straight jacket and put us out of our misery?

During this. Let me say. One tear. That’s right. One tear.

Tobias goes to some pretty dark & diabolical places…Sam as an actor will have to go to some pretty weakened states as a person. I imagine…one maybe almost fun for some actors to do. Let’s face it…to be given permission to go to the darkest places in us, maybe invent those places & play with them.  Now for Sam, to be exposed in that way – to  allow someone to go to those dark places – and then direct them AT us.  That’s a pretty vulnerable place to go. It’s a pointed struggle for a woman to do it. She would also have more sympathisers I would think- a man…it would go against every ounce of every fiber of every thing in their being.  I think you can see if pretty clearly… in that tear.

thetear

Thank whoever you are thanking that they cut to Claire in the woods. It was too intense in that there tear!

We get to McRannock’s joint- he is the fella  who gave Ellen the pearls. You know the sexy time pearls Jamie put around Claire’s neck on their wedding night & made love….*sigh*…never mind. I had to go there for a moment. It was a happy place.

You know something. Jamie’s mom…had it going on! Murtagh…McRannock…the dude she embarrassed that ran off in the night when she took off to marry Brian…and of course, Brian. McRannock isn’t convinced completely that he will be helping them, he ended up married with bairns of his own and well…he would do a lot for Ellen’s lad but get himself killed..and put his family in danger, might be a bit much aye?

36-yeah-no-text

It’s at this time a drunken sot comes in & McRannoch loses his nut on him. Murtagh goes to see whats up their craws and gets the “Murtagh’s face is gonna crack” look. You know…cuz it’s smilin so wide.

Seems…when there are kine…better known as cows in Canada…that means Murtagh transforms into Scottish MacGyver & we now have an escape plan for Jamie.

moose

If we can lend you some moose – they can disguise themselves. Highland coo’s aren’t so different…well if you squint…close your eyes and yeah…maybe they are.

Yes…we have seen the previews. We have 2 wks. until  Nekkid Randall…as enticing as Nekkid Gramma…but we are ready. We used to need drool buckets, we have exchanged them for barf buckets.

…and then once that is over…it won’t just be a droughtlander—We will be #WithOutLander…but we will survive! TOGETHER  with out fellow #NUTLANDERS!

 

SL – the ABOotlander on Ativan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Searchin for my Watch! Och! That’s backwards. Ep. 13 & 14 Two-fer!

I have been in Mexico, enjoying guacamole outta a bag. Really…resort…why’d you do that? Still, I was having a fabulous over a week away from reality…however… this means I missed not just ONE episode of Outlander but I missed TWO!

2

How’d I survive??? Oh wait…I was here.

Doing stuff like this...
Doing stuff like this…

I have my ways. I did watch them both. THANK GAWD!  However, my husband might have reconsidered his view on smackin’ me around if I would have hauled out my laptop during our romantic getaway to write these lil blog bursts for ya. To save my marriage & my ass,  I saved them till I got home & am doing a two-fer.  2 episodes for the price of one.

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Lets do this thing…

You may get cliff notes or you may get the longest effin blogburst known to man. I have no clue…I’m just typing here. If you are a betting person, go for the latter. 

“The Watch” was a fanfreakingtastical episode! I loved it because it was a tale of two stories woven together and it didn’t confuse me. Which is a huge selling point cuz…well….pretty day.

We start off with Jamie looking down the barrel of some dudes…yeah…pistol…and he has a big’un! They share barbs and suddenly you think “Geez Jamie, isn’t it usually Claire that has the flappin gums?”  When they came to Lallybroch, they switched brains. First, he gets all #ClaireDrunk next #ClaireLippy. Thank all that is holy – Jamie…is SAVED by his big sister!

here I come

Turns out she knows these guys, The Watch. Not Rolex or even Timex, these guys are dang Casio’s.

Jenny doesn’t just know them a lil, she knows them a lot.  We learn that Always HaoppyIan even thinks of the leader in high regard. Why? Cuz he reminds him of Jamie.  Ain’t that sweet?  The Watch is both bad & good. They take money from folks to protect them from meaner folks than them.  They are the underground gang of the Scottish Highlands & they have the Frasers/Murray’s back!  Although Jenny doesn’t trust them enough to say outright “Hey dudes, this is my outlawing bro…you could get a good chunk of change for turning his ass over.” (To the the English…oh and I suppose to Captain Creep Master General- that’s splitting hairs)

They make intro’s “Here’s cousin Jamie, wandering in after years with his English bride- but we don’t mind her. Much.”

MeOw

MeOw

The look on Jamie’s face during AHIan’s exchange of pleasantries with Taran MacQuarrie, Leader of the Watch made ya wanna snort out loud. Both shock & jealousy. “He’s MY BFF! not yours!” “What are ya doing touching HIS sword Ian…that so ain’t right dude!” 

Sad sulking batman...Ahem...Jamie

Sad sulking batman…Ahem…Jamie

Jamie is NOT a happy camper when he finds out about this lil arrangement because now he has to play goofy Cousin Jamie MacTavish & everyone knows he bites his toenails. Weird kid.

Jenny & AlwaysHappy Ian put the breaks on Jamie’s temper tantrum and tell him…play along…or DIE! Stupid – remember the price on your big fat red heid. This is the Watch – they go where the quid is and right now, that’s your hied!

Jamie gets all “I NEVER WOULDA”  *sigh*  Guess ya shouldn’t have taken off for 4 yrs then huh?  Shit had to get done.

Claire agrees. Don’t be stupid…stupid! I think she said it nicer though – but the same effect was had because he knew – his responsibility was to his family. His wife, sister, bro n bairns – born & not yet born.  All that I learned from…this here face.

jamie
It’s the OK I GET IT…I’ll shut the hell up face. It won’t be easy but I will do it for the sake of my family.

 They have one of the most awkward dinners with the unmannered lot, like ever. Jamie trying not to be Lairdy (that’s a word right?) & Claire looking down at the nose picker in the crew. There is always one booger roller! I don’t know where they found that guy…trolls r us? How many bridges were searched under? *sigh* I know I know..ACTING! Only Acting. Gave me the willies! Plus…how can you possibly trust a guy with no top lip!?

Where the hell did his lip go? I mean really???

Where the hell did his lip go? I mean really???

 I had a hard time NOT liking Taran. Makes me feel dirty, and not in a good way either. He is a perceptive one, that Taran MacQuarrie. His name sounds like McCoy to my ear…is that a mistake? I dinna think so.

They cover various topics during dinner, how Jenny hides the good food & expensive tobacco when they come. Who wouldn’t? Bastards would eat & smoke it all…in that order one would hope – some do seem more civilized than others. Name sounds like McCoy tries to get some info out of Jamie when Claire offers up he fought in France with AHIan. That stirs his interest, if they were soooo close-  why oh why – hadn’t his buddy ole pal talked about this big redheadedsummuvvabitch before? Things that make ya go hmmmmm.

 The Watch divulges they have a plan in the works and more men arriving – I think Taran kinda likes Jamie…oh…who doesn’t? EVERYONE LOVES JAMIE!

raymond

It could be an 18th century spinoff

A horsie needs tending & of course…DUN DUN DUN NA! Jamie to the rescue…he is the best damn shoer across the land. Jamie’s his name…shoin’s his game.  He’ll get that horse fixed right up.  Anything to get them dingleberries off his land. Dinner ends with Claire giving the evil “get yer boots off the table” look to Mctrollnomanners.

Mary Poppins effin says so!

Mary Poppins effin says so!

The next morning, trollbait found AHIan’s good tabbacky and was smoking it like he didn’t care.  I am pretty sure this guy was born in a barn – with no walls. Jamie pulled the shame card and trollfeatures decided to do what ANY 2 yr old with a tendency for pyromania would do. He set a big damn cart of hay on fire. WHATAPRICK!

shits on fire

So Jamie…of course…jack of all trades. Goes from being a laird, to a farrier to an ever lovin fireman in oh 2.3 seconds flat!firefighter

He puts out a fire, starts shaming troll features when the little fart face pulls a pistol on him. That’s ok, Jamie has ummmm…a HORSESHOE! He then proceeds to beat the crap outta 4  of them. Somehow ends up with the knife & pistol but ditches the horseshoe…I am sure a horse’ll need it more than him. Jamie Fraser just goes all Chuck Norris on their asses.  Teran watches Jamie…not at all bothered that he is bringing down his men one by one but impressed as all hell. Who wouldn’t be? As a side note…Who else loves the Yellin Fraser of Fightin Town? ARGH! GARGH! AH! GER! Very enjoyable indeed.

Taran tells his gang of douchbags to stand down…more like keep laying on the ground where their asses got tossed. He apologizes to Jamie & tells him he wants him to be a warrior for them.  Oh but our Jamie…he’s a lover not a fighter. Not that we have seen that part of him lately but all we have to do is close our eyes for a moment….remember…lover Jamie”  Yeah…then the grunting again. Shhhh…don’t judge.

lovernotafighter

Dammit as soon as he says he is settled down we have a visitor….HORROCKS!  You know the name. You can’t help saying it like you have a big gob of something stuck in the back of your throat that you gotta get out.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. Yeah. Ummmm SHIT.  He pretends not to know Jamie. Jamie pretends not to know him but Taran…he ain’t no dummy.

For some stupid reason, the Watch is listening to Horrocks about a raid. *eyeroll* Ok…maybe he is a little bit of a dummy.

Jes a lil...smidge

Jes a lil…smidge

We have some bonding moments with Jenny & Claire. This episode has many of them. We start with them doing the laundry, chatting about the men- giving that all powerful line about AHIan guarding his chiefs weaker side-  when Jenny goes into labour.  Claire…now guarding Jenny’s. LOVED this!

Jenny’s baby is breech- all turned the wrong way so this is going to be a long go. This is time for Jenny & Claire to bond. Talk about Claire not being a mother yet, how that can happen by taking some of Grannie McNabb concoctions etc. Claire thinks AHIan should know about the babe being backwards but nope…Jenny will have none of it. Business as usual. Baby is coming and don’t you dare say anything else! YES’M! 

Time for Jamie to confront the SlimeyIrish, who just happens to be rifling through things that don’t belong to him. Nosey bugger. The scottish humidity sure has done nothing for buddies hair…he looks like a he got a bad perm…poof!  So we learn what Phlemsounds wants…he wants the monies! To travel to the colonies & adventures and to get his hair straightened. No one could expect to travel lookin like that could they?

humid

One of the most BEAUTIFULLY shot scenes in the whole show was the next one between Claire & Jenny.  First I laughed when Claire asked Jenny to tell her what it was like being pregnant –

dafuck

dafuck

Then, I was mesmerized with the both the visual shots & dialogue.  I read the book to my hubby, in which that passage made him snort. When Jenny said it he looked at me and said “Well there ya go then! For the record…I wanna go back in YOU…not MY MOM.” Point taken hun…and thanks for clarifying.didthat

 The beauty of the imagery takes the words and makes them her own. They don’t have to be how YOU feel about pregnancy…you feel Jenny’s connection to her body & to her men & that is something visceral.

Most.Gorgeous.Shot.Like.Ever...Ever.
Most.Gorgeous.Shot.Like.Ever…Ever.

So…no midwife coming to town. Nice! It’s going to be the Dr.Claire show! This is on you sister.  She lets Jenny know breech births are possible…only have to reach up inside and pull it out. THAT’S ALL! No BIGGY…I have small fingers.

Jenny says not without me pounding back some scotch first…Claire tells her baby will be drunk too…HA…then baby will come into the world a true scot. NICE! *snort* I love Jenny…if I haven’t made that perfectly apparent by now.

It’s time for AlwaysHappyIan to give Jamie a reality check of his own.  They are cleaning up after the fire…Now Jamie is playing janitor. Man of many trades. Ian tells him he’s has a ram up his arse or something to that effect.  Jamie is told he has 2 cheeks for a reason…turn one.  I say he has 4 cheeks…turn one and show 2! Come on, we are going through Jamie bum withdrawls. I can’t be the only one thinking it.  Jamie get’s his kilt in a wedgie because his BFF actually LIKES MacQuarrie! Come on Jamie…AlwayHappyIan, likes everyone that treats him like a MAN with something to offer…don’t be so damn selfish! Oh…and then there is this little part. Taran reminds AHIan…of…dun dun dun…YOU! Seriously Jamie – he protects your family from the redcoats. Pay one devil to keep the other away isn’t such a bad deal when you haven’t a decent bargain to make.

We can now consider Jamie’s head removed from his fine ass. Good ole AHIan. Gotta love ‘im and ya gotta trust ‘im.  Jamie tells him about Phlegminyourthroat bribing him.  AHIan says Jamie has money from being Laird he must use – he really doesn’t want to though. He can be a persistent bugger though.

The next scene is cut to one where you might as well just put your heart on the floor & step on it. Caitriona Balfe won’t say a whole lot but her face does and when it does…STOMP STOMP STOMP all over your wee heart she does her heart break dance. Seriously woman…where ever you learned to do that…it just ain’t right.

claire 1

Jamie tells her of AHIans suggestion of giving the monies over to the greasyIrishman but saying that money was meant for their children, to build & keep Lallybroch. Claire’s face…shatters – along with our hearts.

She tells Jamie she doesn’t think she can have his babies and her face does the dance of breaking our hearts…his face crackles but only for a quickie so she doesn’t notice. When he mentions “Franks” name I think its about as cold I have ever heard his voice get – like a cold wind blowing through the door.

Claire didn’t count on loving him or having his babies…this is tearing her guts out and in turn ours. He swoops in to save the day. AGAIN. Saying it probably is for the best as he can bear his own pain but he could not bear her pain *sigh*

drowning

These constant drownings keep up I might need to watch this show wearing a lifejacket

Off to meet to villain who is having the bad hair day…good thing he is wearing a hat.  Jamie tries to pay him off but the dumb shit wont stop yammering. He tries to extort MORE from him. Big mistake irish…yap yap yap telling my life story yap yap yap you should raise taxes & be tougher yap yap yap… Imma threaten your family…ummm is something pokin me… STAB! AlwaysHappyIan turned into GetHimFromBehindIan.

Created by ABOtlander Sherri Gamblin

Dude totally deserved it. Jamie & Ian back together again. He’s a lil shaky about things though. Couldn’t put his sword in the hole. Bet he doesn’t have that problem with Jenny.

Jamie tries to calm Ian down with a “Remember when we were kids” chat at we talked about going to hell. That was fun right? Jamie you can’t go to hell alone…Ian has to make sure you don’t muck that up too.

Jenny is having a hell of a day. That little Fraser is a stubborn poke. She is at the point now where she thinks “Yup…gonna die. This wee bugger is gonna kill me”  Do the stuff I was supposed to do. Grab that wooden snake I found that Willie made for Jamie, give it to him for me Claire… cuz I’m gonna die like my mom did! It’s all down here from here.

The men wait downstairs & make rude comments, if AHIan coulda kicked him, I think he would have.  Taran made nice and paid for the hay they burned…also mentioned Horrocks…dundundun! He know’s somethings up so the next morning, he does a little math

Created by ABOotlander Sherri Gamblin

The New Alberta Math…hard for the big people. Ask Wee Jamie – he will understand

This is the new math that is easy for kids but all us adults are screwin up. Answer is simple…ya killed him!  Jamie sets him straight.

Lemme eat my bread like no big deal and tell you the tale – Price on my head – bad hair knew – put a knife in him. 

yes...I know....sliced bread...shhh..it's a wee joke

yes…I know….sliced bread…shhh

GOOD! He says. That hair was making me crazy…was gonna cut it myself. Now you you have to go in his place on our little raid that the person NO ONE trusted arranged. HOW DOES NO ONE SEE THIS IS A BAD IDEA??? Oh right…TV. 

Jamie & Claire’s goodbye is…tender & full of love. She gives him Sawny the snake…not the other way around for a change.  You can see the emotion pass over Jamie’s face.  Claire threatens if he doesn’t come back she will drag him back by his thick red curls…yeah…sunnuva!  They had to go and slow mo that walk away didn’t they??? DIDN’T THEY??? ARGH! They did that to us once before…remember?  Not cool.

internally screaming

Taran n Jamie have a man to man chat in the rain on the way to the raid. Jamie sees Taran for what he is – he sees himself as a free man – more or less, more of a robin hood than an evil henchman. It is all about perspective. Being ruled or ruling. He invites Jamie into their ranks but Jamie having Claire – he sees no choice but to say no, even though he sees why one would want to. Especially being on the run. Taran surprises us all when swears he wouldn’t turn him over to the British…he might shoot him first but nope… but wouldn’t turn him over.

Yes! Wait..what?

Yes! Wait..what?

Jenny is in the midst of damn you’s, gonna dies & cursing & screaming….its close & girlfriend is really doing the birthing scene justice as the men ride into where the ambush is supposed to be….you can see the thoughts crossing Jamie’s face….perfect spot for an…ambush…FUCK!  You can’t get out of here….RUN! Too Late! TOO…DAMNED…LATE!

REDCOATS everywhere. Firing on them. Sunnuvahorrocks!

emor

A wee lass was born. Maggie… Proof that Jenny is NOT always right, but let’s not rub that in too much. She probably is hormonal. Jenny gives Claire the tusk bracelets her mother Ellen was given by an admirer. Tall & queenly she calls Claire. Another compliment.  I love this moment between them. Claire gives her a kiss, some say it made Jenny uncomfortable, I think it make Jenny’s heart light up. A sister. Their moment.

3 days have gone by at Lallybroch and no word of the men…until the Lallybroch alarm goes off – hounds!

AHIan comes hobbling against another…arm in a sling and lookin beat to hell.He lost his horse, his leg & no doubt some pride but at least he brought home news of his bro. Naturally Jamie wouldn’t leave a wounded man behind. Taran got hurt and Jamie being Jamie…*sigh*… the Redcoats got him. AGAIN!

For reals...they have him...AGAIN.

For reals…they have him…AGAIN.

Without a break we are going straight into searching for the redheaded bugger! This is what I call a 2-fer – The Search

Now, I always enjoy the opening sequences in the show…but this marionette show was by far my FAVOURITE!  I mean really?  The fearies? The Stones? Claire….then POOF…she is gone. COME ON….Brilliance…beautiful. It gets us set up for the whimsy that is introduced in this episode and believe me – with for what is to come in future episodes…WE NEED THIS!

The episode starts straight into the heart of Lallybroch where all hell is breaking loose. Claire is getting ready to go find Jamie, AHIan thinks he is going to go…uh-huh sure… Claire being Captain Obvious points out Dude…you have no leg. He thinks she needs men to go and she is like “Nu-uh! No men! Just me! Draw me a map and make yourself useful”  Jenny is running around looking pretty purposeful but no one is taking notice of her. Girlfriend is on a mission!

Claire is all horsed up & ready to go and out comes 2 pistol packin Jenny, all raring to go. No arguments, she is coming…she can track…Claire can’t, she will shut her damn pie hole. Jenny has not only the spirit of iron…she also has the vulva of iron as well! DAMN GIRL! You just had yourself a baby now your hoppin on a horse.  Jenny continues to impress me. IronginaJenny! You GO GIRL!

Jenny Murray is so hard core she makes my vulva hurt just thinking about what she's done!

Jenny Murray is so hard core she makes my vulva hurt just thinking about what she’s done!

She shakes Claire out of her internal dialogue and they set off on their way like Cagney & Lacey through the wilds of Scotland to track down Jamie.

They do some more advertising for Tour Scotland. It is not possible to do those scenic shots and NOT want to visit. Jenny shows her prowess as a tracker, fingers in horse tracks, watching smoke, pickin up poop…this girl is GOOD. She finds where the ambush happened pretty quickly. Crows pecking out the eyes of the dead…that’s always appetizing. Lunch anyone?

nom-nom-o

Mmmmm….Eyeballs….tastytreats!

IronginaJenny says a prayer over the dead men and then does a quick recce of the area. She figures out where they are headed, that they have a big heavy cart – Claire fills in “hopefully its heavy cuz of the large red headed scot weighing it down” HURMPH!

These two alone tracking, the music…reminded me of the Littlest Hobo only way better.

I mean really…It just wouldnt go away 

Get’s me *sniff*  Every time *sniff*

Now…ladies & gentlemen…at this point in time I will be talking about the FULL episode. Not the accidently aired edited version that caused such a strammach in Canada on Sunday.  You might have heard.  Canada has 2 versions of Outlander.  One that is aired before 9 pm EST with all “adult content” censored out. This includes varying degrees of nudity, violence, choice language etc. Then we have the one aired after 9 pm EST…nothing cut.  It turns out – this past Sunday there was an error made and the daytime edit was played and hell was born down on Showcase.  You see, Sunday was also Mother’s Day so, for all the times breasts had been shown in all their sexual glory, the one time in the show they were being shown in their functional motherly glory…dun dun dun…censored. There is a WHOLE damn blog I could write about that, but I won’t because well, I am going to give Showcase the opportunity to adjust that. We shall see what comes of it.

roll-up-the-rim

You got another chance Showcase. Let’s see what you got.

The scene itself was SO FRIGGEN COOL!  I don’t doubt it has been seen before but yet again Outlander is ahead of the curve & making history on television by embracing Diana Gabaldon’s words and making them dance in front of our eyes. Releasing that milk, the sound of relief IronginaJenny was making. Made my own boobs start letting down and folks…these suckers havent nursed a babe in 15 years!  Ok..I was probably letting down powdered milk…but that shows ya. GOOD JOB! By missing this scene, my Canadian friends missed out on the conversation of Claire’s plans on trying to get Jamie back… while Jenny expressed her milk. If I heard one more person say “she milked herself” I was seriously going to start throat punching!  She is a woman…not a cow.  Terminology counts here.  As a woman who used to nurse, watching that milk get chucked…you go…NO!!! At the same time – yeah…where the hell would she put it?

On the road again….

Time to get serious, Warm poop, soldiers voices, hauling out the pistols…these girls are on fire!

do this shit

They scope out the soldiers, see Taran but no Jamie. Spot a messenger heading off alone. this is their chance. Head him off & they will have him.

Jenny pretends to faint in front of his horse & instead of being smart and riding right over her…nope…big ole dummy stopped and set upon.

escalated

Got his English arse tied to a fallen log.  Jenny & Claire playing good cop – bad cop all over the place & he couldn’t even pretend to be decent about it. Calling them harlots & sluts.  That’s a sure fire way of getting untied eh?

Jenny is right evil when she wants to be…instead of cleaning her gun, she uses the cleaning rod as a hot poker…this should get his attention & either Claire doesn’t like the smell of this guys feet or the whole idea is distasteful to her…the look on her face is pure disgust.

Jenny gives him a kick in the arse for good measure. Have I mentioned…I really like Jenny?  If he hasn’t figured out Jenny means business, Claire is trying to make that clear to him. His feet are getting branded and he doesn’t say anything and Claire is not enjoying things over much.  Jenny then threatens to smoke his balls…he gets a bit more animated & begs them – balls seem to get attention & he tells them he is only a courier! *DING DING DING*

winn

Claire realizing if he is a courier maybe he carries word of Jamie. Read his stuff!  The dork…the english with his feet branded and his balls about to be crispyfried orders THEM not to break the seal on the dispatches in the bag.  I am afraid you are the one at a disadvantage here dude…tied to a log, ass up with a girl, hot poker in her hand & all. I’d shut my gob if I were you. He knows he is up shit creek with no paddle now.

Shit_Creek

If only this place was handy…shame that

All they needed was in those dispatches. Jamie escaped! The dispatches said they needed soldiers to go look for him because they were headed somewhere else. Soooooo, if they didn’t get the dispatches…TADA…the girls would be the only ones looking. Destroy the dispatches and you are ready to rock & roll.

They figure Jamie is heading North. Then Claire suddenly moves to fix up the soldier’s foot…ummmm wha? No…dude has to die Jenny says. They have a wee battle of the wills over this. Jenny gives it to her straight…hell girl, he even heard where Jamie probably is going. There is NO way they can let him live. Claire…your instinct is to heal – Jenny’s instinct is to protect…together these will melt together soon. Like cheese n gravy.

Poutine

Ummmm whats that noise? Sounds like buddy is choking on something…oh….wait…he kinda is.  It’s his own blood. Hi Murtagh “knows how to make an entrance” Fraser.  When he isn’t knockin’ you out cold…he will just slice your throat for you.  He saved the lassies from the soul stealing work. Thanks buddy. We owe you a solid!

Jenny lets Claire know that her protection mode comes from love & she will bare it soon enough, in so many words.  Claire agrees saying she would have killed him if Murtagh didn’t.  It bothers her to know it’s true, that’s why she looks troubled but she is moving into that part of herself.

The ladies share more moments in the dark over the fire. These are moments Jenny & Claire become sisters of the heart.  Jenny isn’t the sharing type so when she shares stories of Jamie, Ian & herself as children it is her way of inviting Claire into her past…which means she has opened the door to her present.

Murtagh shows up with supper for them…I guess they are going to still owe him a solid – he tries to pass off the duck it looks like for them to clean & they give him the “You broke it, you bought it” look.

ewwww

Actually, we are used to cleaning the things but…you caught it…you clean it!

The next morn. It is time for Jenny to take her leave, Maggie needs her mom, and vise versa. She gives Claire the Quarter Day rents & AHIans lil knife.  It was time for Claire to tell Jenny the things she needed to prepare for – you know…cuz of Culloden & what would happen in the highlands. Damn it if my gut didn’t twist in the memory of reading this one.  Another moment that the pages of the book reach up and smack you in the whole face!

It's. All. Right. There.
It’s. All. Right. There.

Claire spills her guts to Jenny. Potatoes, famines, war, slaughter, land, gold, oh my! Jamie said you would tell me stuff – I’ll do it good sister! PHEW! Good ole forethinking Jamie saves the damn day and he isn’t even there.

Irongina Jenny rides off & we are left with the Army of Two.

Murtagh has a plan, as frustrating as he can be to Claire, it’s not to be “finding” Jamie.  Jamie will be finding them.  He brought Claire’s medicines with him, he wants her to stand out as a healer in the towns. He would dance..oh Murtagh to see you all DancyPrancy with a scowl on your face. I am not sure but I am willing to bet he doesn’t do weddings or funerals, damn sure he won’t do kids birthday parties. Doesn’t seem like a short people lover.

dancypracy

Broke my heart to see those peasants throwing food at the ole grumplestiltskin. Claire also attempted to tell fortunes whilst on the road. Both of them looking to garner information about whether Jamie had been in town. Only making women HOPE he was.

DancyPrancyMurtagh really thought he was good. Truth was, Duncan Lacroix got very good and had to pretend he was bad. What a waste eh? I’d have loved to see Murtagh really get jiggy with it.

The marionettes on stage again 🙂 Claire & her fearies. I love when I catch stuff…makes me feel all warm n bubbly. Hmmmm…maybe it was just too much pop.

rumbly

Claire has an idea for Murtaghs dancing, perhaps he could sing too? Good plan? How about a tune like 

Murtagh LOVES the idea but NOT him singing it and thinks…scottish…make it a scottish song…same tune…scottish words…get a new outfit on her and TADA! There is an ACT!

The Sassenach will get some attention! The banter between Murtagh & Claire was priceless “Stop quoting the bible – it doesn’t suit you!” BURN!

Murtagh throws her up on stage and the other thing that got cut in the daytime episode was Claire uttering a “Oh Fuck” on stage. It was priceless.

https://i2.wp.com/1158060741240391f9c7-7fe731c1f5e1a4e1d980b4b6220a14b8.r64.cf2.rackcdn.com/gifhi151.gif

What she said…

The way Claire looks down at her wedding ring from Jamie before she gets into the swing of the song…made my gut turn…just a bit. He’s with her, always. 

making us feel

Always with the feels!

She however went on village to village singing, dancing dressed as a laddie singing her heart out. Hoping that Jamie was hearing of the Sassenach singing the song that Dougal used to sing when he got too far into the drink.

You can see…some dirty gypsies were studying Claire & Murtagh as they travel village to croft. I enjoyed the whimsy, music & the way they shot the episode.  Not always hearing Claire sing, but seeing her, watching them traveling, seeing Murtagh dance, chatting w villagers, though the responses we “Nope…big red headed fella…ain’t seen him.”

They come upon a small camp where they hear music & see performers …ummmm….DOPPLEGANGERS! Oh.. it’s those damned gypsies! Doing a sword dance…ummm…a good one – don’t tell Murtagh I said that, and singing Claire’s song. The girl is being dirty nasty in her dancing too…mmmmmmm. Claire ain’t happy! Mr. Ward – the gypsy man…his voice reminded me of Geillis! SingSongy and musical but I didn’t like him near as much!

Claire & Murtagh demanded they stop singing their song, she even went so far as to pay them…Claire Claire Claire. She took his word he wouldn’t perform it…but we all know he will because now he has more money & a great song.

That just wasn't smart. Nope. Not smart.

That just wasn’t smart. Nope. Not smart.

Murtagh is pissed. As I think he should be, he knows the gypsies for what they are. Cheats. He tells Claire, Jamie won’t know what song to follow now and she ought to go home, he will just follow the gypsies.  Claire…she throws the WIFE card. 

Claire done pulled rank. Wife beats GodFather like Rock beats Scissors
Claire done pulled rank. Wife beats GodFather like Rock beats Scissors

More singing, dancing, traveling until they seem to have come to the edge of the world.

One dark night, Murtagh finally goes into snapmode. Saying he was stupid for following after her, she is stubborn & listens to no one blah blah. You know, I think he is realizing just how much she is like Jamie…thus like Ellen and it is tearing his guts out…

Claire went an opened a can of she doesn’t know what the hell –  by saying to Murtagh “…because you’ve never lost someone you loved!” Ummmmmm….NO? You don’t think so eh? Let me TELL YOU something! He told us all right…he told us. All about the lassie who stole his heart and never returned it.

Sorry, don't need your heart, here you go.

Sorry, don’t need your heart, it was sent Canada Post and never seen again.

He shared how he killed a bore – was gifted the tusks & made bracelets for this love of his, gave them to her for a wedding present…even though he knew he would never have her. Naturally, Claire clued in that the love he lost was Ellen, Jamie’s Mom, and showed him that she had the tusk bracelets. Murtagh proclaimed his love for Jamie – saying he is like a son to him.

Here…have some.

Or I will keep the kleenex...just for me

Or I will keep the kleenex…just for me

If you didn’t need some kleenex right there.  I am afraid you will need to stop at the nearest medi-center. Someone has turned off your heart.

The next day, the plan is to wash, rinse, repeat. Start all over again. Murtagh lets Claire know…they will manage. Together. Stopped at a tavern, Gypsy lips Mr. Ward stops with a message. First he was going to extort them for it, then somehow he found a bit of decency, I think it was more Murtagh scaring a little bit of the poop out of him than anything, I did not take a shine to the guy. Personal filters ya all. *wink* I have something against lying cheaters. Silly me. Call it Daddy Issues.

The message is to go to Glen something or another Cross real fast like, they think it must be Jamie so off they go. She kisses the little weasel. ICK…hope she didn’t catch something.

They get to a super awesome cave of sorts…calling for Jamie…and dun dun dun…with the sidiest eye of all side eyes.

sideeye

Dougal. SO psyched to see Graham MacTavish back but MAN….they brought him back douchier than ever!

He let’s them know that Jamie is alive but doesn’t let that bit of good news fester long. He let’s them know their song sure worked, Jamie met 6 redcoats on a road, one recognized him and off to Wentworth he went. Stood trial and is sentenced to hang. Not sure when though!

GOTTA GO Claire says! Not so fast Dougal says…it’s chat time with Uncle Dougal Mc Doucherson. Murtagh wasn’t to keen but for some reason Claire says ok…

Dougal tells her you need to let Jamie go and marry me!  Ummm…Jamie ain’t dead you wanker! Dougal is traveling between Arseton & Doucheville…might even be detoured to Prickski.

arseton

He keeps on trying to convince her that the only way to keep Lallybroch safe…OOOPS!  Claire understands now, its about the land…#facepalm.

She wont give up on Jamie…nope…I want your men to help me get Jamie out of there.  You a chicken shit Dougal? Huh? Claire still wants to save Jamie but says FINE I’ll marry you jerkface ONLY if I can’t Jamie out if I fail at getting him out or he’s dead…she’ll marry him. ARGH!

Not the best deal ever, but a deal

Not the best deal ever, but a deal

She can take any men that say they will go but Dougal isn’t going to tell them…

The next scene, Claire begs the guys to help but sure they don’t want to go into Wentworth to save Jamie. Scared.  Except….PoopinWillie! He is the first to stand up. That’s right.  The youngest… well he just went and shamed Angus & Rupert didn’t he? They will not be shown up by lil Willie. They will be going too! Damn straight they will.

No words needed.

No words needed.

Wentworth vs. 5  This should be interesting.  Let me suggest you get the following things ready for next Sunday.

1) Ativan for anxiety, you know, just in case. 2) Screw the kleenex, grab a towel. This will serve 2 purposes. To cover your eyes if needed and to catch any tears & or snot you release due to tears. 3) Booze. If you drink Just do it. Whatever your liquid evil is, make sure you have 2 bottles on hand. One for during the show – one for after. I have heard things.  4) Your remote. If things get too much in viewing through your personal filter. Turn off the TV. No one is making you watch the show. 5) Someone to love. Friend, family, fur baby…it’s always nice if you can have someone to hold onto. A pillow will do in a pinch. 6) Whatever device you choose to livetweet with. This might be a good idea for you. Humour will be hard to find but I promise we will do our best to lighten things up for you. It’s our job.

Catch us on the flip side #OutlanderCAN Sundays 8 pm MST.

SL feeling like an old Cootlander but nope ABOotlander- strong n free!

The Devil’s, Mark? I thought his name was Stan!

You learn something new with every episode – that is why I LOVE THIS SHOW! Not only is it entertaining…it’s educational. Edutainment folks. We have a lot of stuff to go over- we better get started.

I feel an Ed Grimley moment comin on. MartinShort

Yes…I must say. The way the first part of the season played out, slow n steady, character building, stories being created & relationships developed has allowed the second part of the season to move at break neck speed! SO MUCH HAPPENS in each & every episode. They seem to manage to put so much into one hour – yet it’s funny there will still be people who say “I wish they would have left in xx & xxx”  “They could have taken out this line & added the line I liked.” Oh? Really…Ron D. Moore didn’t call every single person who read the book….ummmm 25 million peeps to see their favourite lines uttered by their book boyfriend? Oh…wait…EVERY LINE EVER UTTERED BY SAID DUDE!

Yes, I wish everyone could move on. Then I remembered. These wishes won’t come true. For either of us. Know why? No candles to blow out & I didn’t see a shooting star! Effin technicalities.

picard-that-is-enoug-QoIU

I mean for reals my peeps. Every thing Jamie ever said in the books we would love to hear Sam Heughan wrap his tongue around but.. stop being so selfish. SHEESH!  The show is ONE hour long. Well…in Canada it is an hour and a half but we need to have pee breaks, pour a drink breaks, blow your nose & wipe your tear breaks. (I am trying to be nice & say we have commercials).

There is A SHIT LOAD of dialogue in Diana’s books and if you are so intent on hearing it. Get comfy somewhere…Davina Porter will read it to YOU! Or…read it as many times as your heart desires. Your imagination is afterall- like…the best. We have proven that…repeatedly…after each and every episode. Right? Huh? Huh? *Big Smiles*

sarcasm

Sometimes you have to announce it

Let’s let the TV show live it’s life, it’s big beautiful awesome life.

It would be a rainbow, unicorn & lollipop world if the nay saying pick the scab “I’m entitled to throw my opinion all over the interwebs” and tag the writers/producers in it if I want – would consider this little piece of decency.  Imagine, someone walking into your place of work & criticizing what you do – especially when they have zero idea of what actually goes into it. I wonder how they would feel?  And no, simply because people choose to work in the public eye does not give others the right to belittle them. That’s a cop out to being an asshole & sorry…it’s still wrong. It’s just mean.  If you wouldn’t do it to your neighbour – you shouldn’t do it to someone you think of as famous because well – just because they are – doesn’t make them less HUMAN.

Ummmm yeah, if we are the type that would walk into their place of work & beak off or go off on our neighbours — might I suggest— we take a second look at our manners? Perhaps, just maybe it’s time for the relization that we might be a dick? Maybe…kinda.

Digression isn’t my middle name but I sure as hell do it a lot.  I don’t even have a middle name maybe I should adopt it.

DEVILS

The opening scene with the murm..mu…flock of birds was gorgeous wasn’t it? I love how they implemented that in the story.

We did NOT get the same wake up call in this episode that we did the last one, dirty & abrupt yes…just not the same dirty & abrupt.

Can you believe we made it all the way to 11 episodes without seeing RATS? I don’t mean Black Rat Randall n the Duke of Ratingham…I mean actual rodents. They are the one creature in the Universe, that make me shudder, shake & gag on site. It’s a phobia or something. No, not or something. It’s a phobia. Which is CRAZY considering one of my favourite things in  the world is Mickey Mouse- a 5 ft rodent. I am a special kinda special!

Those wardens sure are a sweet couple of lunk heads eh? Didn’t you just wanna find a hole to throw THEM into? They for some reason found it necessary to dig up a latter to get the girls OUT of the hole…but…they just chucked their asses in willy nilly. Maybe hoping they would land on their bumrolls for cushion.  From the sounds & looks of things, that did NOT happen.  Geilwitch seemed to have fell straight onto her bitch button because she went into straight into “Blame Claire” mode. I bet she fell on her tailbone…that’s my bitch button too…That effin hurts like a Black Jack.

spongebob-butthurt

The girl’s get into a fight. “You told my secrets!” “What secrets!?’ The whole effin town knew! You were dancing neked in public you looniebird!” “You think I’m a WITCH?” “Nope but you sure as heck know your way around the killin fields don’t ya!?” “Oh…yeah…that…got me there.Wanna feel my crazy baby kick?”

Claire has to give Geilwitch a bit of a shake down. She still thinks Dougal is her knight and shining tartan. Yeah…not so much eh? He kinda bailed on her bumroll & all of a sudden it dawns on her. She is up shit creek without a paddle. This is where I throw in thislotte

Where Caitriona’s face is expressive. Glass. Like Diana wrote it. Lotte has brought something to the role of Geillis Duncan.  Diana wrote about her green piercing eyes…uh-huh. But…Lotte…expresses with her eyes.  They are haunting. She is bewitching. I heart her. I have been with my husband 29 yrs…married 23 – I am straight. This show is giving me serious girl crush moments. Especially when she plays on twitter with me. It’s only encouragement ya know.

LOTTEV

Once Geillis gets it. Dougal’s gone, Jamie too…they are HOOPED! She tries to make up  by offering Claire the big hunk of rat poop bread. As appealing as that is, Claire just ain’t hungry. Geillis then offers Claire the comfy side of the stone to sleep, yeah…Claire’s still chafed. That ain’t happening either. For now. It’s still

freinds OFF

The warden come and haul their asses out of the thieves hole in the morning, this time with ladders. Wouldn’t those have been a swell idea when they tossed them down there like dirty laundry down a chute?

Remember “buddy ropes” when you were little? Me too. The things they attached Claire & Geillybean to…not the same thing.

buddy rope

Building a pyre in town square before the trial even starts. I can see how people intend for this to go. Sort of guilty until proven guilty. Good job folks! Loved Geillybeans maypole comment. Everyone is a smartass when they are getting ready to be put on a spit. Why not? Not like they have anything to loose right?

There we have it. A trial. We had Mutt & Jeff as teamsters, they reminded me & hundreds of others I am sure of Statler & Waldorf from the Muppets.

judges

Ned Gowan came bursting in, brandishing common sense, intelligence &  honest to goodness law (he also had his pistol, but saves that for last, like a good lawyer should) – but this here was a church & the law had no place there. We also had a mob. Mob mentality is at its best here.  Mental they were! The energy in that courtroom was palatable – can’t say that it tasted like something I would order again but they did one helluva job!

It was like Jerry Springer meets Judge Judy meets Degrassi  Jr. High. The DRAMA! Oh Em Gee! The backstabbing housemaid. For real guuuuurl! Conive much? Twist a tale much? Pretzel Ginnie…that’s what I am gonna call ya. I wouldn’t like dumpin out ole Arthur’s crap pot either but Geillybean took care of that for you didn’t she?  Shouldn’t you be grateful? I suppose you got your minute of fame though eh?!  I guess this was her moment – Cranesmuir’s Got Talent!

cranesmuir

Ned strikes a lawyer pose and BOOYAH! Down goes Ginnie the housemaid. Turns out she was spreading gossip all the way to the castle.

She gets THREE X’s

X       X       X

X                                X                              X

They are way cuter than the judges on any of those shows, so I will use them!

The next witness in the trial is the poor superstitious woman and her  man who left their sick baby in a tree to die. You know the one, the one Claire tried to save. Her eyes – her fingers…she is stunning. To me…she is what Golum would look like if he was a beautiful woman. I know that sounds like a backhanded insult…but it isn’t. creepy lady

She takes a swing at Claire & Claire gets a wee bit pissy about this! Ned has to tell her to shut her bannock hole! He can take care of this. He does another flip…her baby didn’t die…it’s running free with the faeries remember? It was the changling babe that died in this woman’s arms. You can’t really be mad at her for that? You have to take the blame for not stopping her – if you had…the fearies could have made the switch. Poor ignorant peasant. #sigh You gotta feel for folks like this. Ignorance is a tough nut to crack.

The next up to talk to the court of pointing fingers & screamin mimis is Alistair. His friends call him “AllheSTAREs”. It’s his fun shroom issue.  He sits on the “faery” hill picking the longed stemmed poop tasting ‘fungus that make mistress Duncan fly like the ravens”. He sure is a bullshitter. Wish Ned could say something about him just getting out of rehab or something. shrooms

Don’t you just wish Ned could throw something like “This douche was just on Celebrity Rehab & gave Mickey Rourke a run for his money!” but no…that’s not an option. Instead, it’s late, everyone needs a break & it’s time for the ladies to get tossed back in the hole. Not before Ned rescues Claire again. He knows our girl & he brings her what she loves best, well second best…a flask of whisky! Good man.  Not before she asks hopefully if Colum sent him…yeah…no! TwistyLegs McTwisterson, in fact, looks like had a bit to do with the whole strammach. Claire looks sick but she has some booze. That’s good news.

There is no better time for girl bonding & make up chatter than when you are stuck in a hole. Granted, its a big hole – big enough for 2 women & a crew *snort*  Plus after being stuck shoulder to shoulder all day, listening to people throw insults at you both & lies. You tend to stand back to back to protect your fronts. The walls come down – then it is friends ON again.bff2

I even heard rattles about them “allowing” Geillybean to drink in the episode – though she was pregnant. Uh-huh. Ok. Super  awesome. A historical 18th century woman now has to be the moral and ethical compass for us in this century. These kinda picky pants remarks are the type of things that will suck the life out of  their enjoying the show. It’s not about the inclusion of these accuracies in the show that will. Personally, they make me giggle uncontrollably because they are down right silly. Like the string.

sticking-tongues-14

The girls have a sleepover night. You know, talkin about fraud, stealing, boys, politics n stuff. Through it all- Claire throws in a wee quote from Nathan Hale “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country” – he was in the Continental Army and spoke those words in 1776-before he was hanged. There we go with Lotte & her eye’s again! I saw it…I know you saw it!

This is where a certain garment starts to unravel for us.

T'is the sweater of realization. Stitch by stitch - it comes a part. Just watch.

T’is the sweater of realization. Stitch by stitch – it comes a part. Just watch.

The next morning- the empty flask by her head- Claire wakes and shakes the gate over her head like this is the first time she tries to get out. Come on Claire. Don’t tell me this is the first time. Then again, I would be shaking that damn thing at every opportunity too.

We have a soft moment returning to the opening scene when Claire spots a starling. Remember the start of the show? Just a single one of those. She told the story of this black bird who flew in flocks for protection against falcons. Murmuration – They shared a quiet moment before being hauled from their dank dark pit of patheticness and back into the court of contention. The moment before crawling out this time…gave me a lump in my throat – Claire reaching out for Geillybeans bump & her grabbing her hands to kiss them. The lump was vomit…can you imagine how NARSTY her hands were? Nope…wouldn’t be able to handle the 18th century.

Emotional Wall Erected. Don't come through!

Emotional Wall Erected.
Don’t come through!

Back in the “court”…yup using this term loosely! Speaking of loosely – the first witness of the day….Laoghaire “LooseLips” McKenzie! This girl.  What a girl. The hate & venom being aimed towards this child is extraordinary. To me that means Nell Hudson is the cats ass. That’s a good thing for those people who don’t know.

She sure has some emotional challenges eh? Believes every damn thing that comes out of her mouth. I am convinced this 16 yr old young woman- was emotionally engaged to Jamie Fraser.  She is a product of her environment. She sees Claire as an evil woman that has stolen her future. Is it right? Nope! Is what she does with the information right? Nope! But she is an immature child and acting like one. They have written her brilliantly & Nell Hudson couldn’t do a better job at portraying her.

giphyangelica-gif

He’s MY Jamie! Give ‘im BACK!

She has no compass of life experience to draw from & she also lives in a world of superstition. She is 16.  Most 16 yr olds live in a world of ALL ABOUT ME. I get Laoghaire.  I wanted MY Claire to throat punch her instead of slap her but I get her. I might be 43, but I remember being 16. Which is SUPER weird, because I can’t remember what I did yesterday. Stupid complicated brain.

Ned calls out LooseyGooseyLaoghaire for being a jealous broken hearted lass. She admits it. Love of her life *tears* Awwwwwwwwwwww and down goes the house.

crowd so

That performance deserves a STANDING OVATION! BRAVA! BRAVA !                                              The Cranessheepians give her one too.

Claire loses her shit & calls her out on everything. Turns out Jamie told her about the wee incident down by the river too. See…all of the folks yakking about Jamie cheating for touching the upper curve of LooseyGooseyLaoghaire’s boob as she put her hand right on it – he told Claire all about it. Does that change anyone’s mind? Yeah, didn’t think so. When you are right…you’re right.

crazy

Father Bain…ewwww…ewwww…and EWWWW some more! This guy just makes you feel like you have the willies like ALL the time. Creepy crawlies rash inducing badness. This dude embodies it!. While he walked into make his speech, the way he was talking about Claire, it was like…Ummmm…anyone else get the feeling that he wants to bone her?

dundun

DUN DUN DUN DUN

It made me uncomfortable too. Totally have no urge to see what’s under THAT robe. He’s making up for something. Men like that – need tweezers to masterbate. You just know it. ( The character. The actor probably has a perfectly normal penis. I’m just being reactive to his stellar acting.) Father Bain needs to burn!

Then the Freakshow Bainbasket went on to do what he does best. Manipulate his sheeple. Playing possum for them. After giving them the spiel of how hot she makes him he then falls to his knees shouting “I’m not worthy!” knowing full well his sheeple won’t take this well – that they will jump to protect he. He has trained them well.

sheeple copy

The smirk. Really? You suck!

They were just about to call down the fires of hell when BOOM Ned was like LUNCH! We NEED LUNCH! I need a SANDWICH & a DIET COKE! 

He get’s the defendants alone with him for a few moments & tells him the whole thing has gone to pot & not the good kind he uses for his asthma.

It time to do something drastic. Drastic means it is time to throw someone under the carriage. They didn’t have busses then so – yeah.  If Claire says she is an ignorant Sassenach & Geillybean pulled into her masterful witchyweb then she can live while Geillybean…well….doesn’t.

He leaves so the girls can hash this shit out. Girl style.

Ok, They didn't Girl Fight. But I LOVE this GIF and it breaks up the feels.

Ok, They didn’t Girl Fight. But I LOVE this GIF and it breaks up the feels.

G loses her last nerve for a minute and wants to be sure she is going to die for good damn reason! Where you from!? Stop lying! Why you here?! Tell me! Shit! You came by ACCIDENT? WHO DOES THAT? UGH!

Then…Best LINE ever! “Look’s like I’m going to a fucking bar-b-que!” BAHAHAHA! Nice!  There we see a bit more unraveling happening on Claire’s face but the peeps screaming they want to burn her on the other side of the door kind of shakes her out of it.

I am going to get an apron made for my hubby. He is the chef…and I don’t go near our Bar-B-Que – I’ll blow my damn self up. I know it.

apron3454pop

Ned thinks Claire is going to grovel for her life when they come back. Geillybean thinks so too…she is avoiding eye contact, most people think it is because she is pissed off. I think it is because she is trying to disconnect herself from Claire to make the story easy for people to believe. She is shocked when Claire goes into BFF mode for her & refused to leave her to burn alone. Connection is one thing but this. CRAZY!

you-crazy

They condemn them both to BURN. They crazy gets turned up to 10! Ned does what Ned seems to do when shit goes down…he grabs his pistol. He waves it around like his wrist is made of wet noodles.

This buys the girls some time – enough time for Geillybean to share that she thinks its possible & 1968 with Claire. Unravel..Unravel.

Ned’s pistol goes off…the metal one, in his hand, that the mob is trying to wrestle away from him. ( I feel a need to explain cuz people think I am a perv for some reason.  Possibly because I am.)

The shot brings everyone back to the bedlam of the room. Ned getting carried to the ground. Claire screams at everyone if they burn them, that makes them murders which means THEY will ALL burn in hell. OOPS! Guess what THAT sounds like to them? A HEX! This means…she needs to be punished there and then. Real nice bunch of thugs they are, they order her stripped n skelped.

All through this episode- this is what was going through Claire’s poor head.

whatisthisfuckery

Laoghaire has to get a last crooked twist in. Seriously girlfriend, you could hide behind a spiral staircase. Dance on her ashes could you? Classy, child…classy.

bitch

Watching Claire’s dress get ripped open in preparation for getting whipped was…NOT COOL. I got such a pit in my gut watching that scene. Sometimes you wish Caitriona wasn’t such a good actress & would just hang there and yell “Hey, owwww that hurts…stop…ouch…stop now.”  Because watching her…like we were… taking that whipping was TOO realistic.  The energy from the crowd, the anger on their faces, the panic, hurt & pain in her face. The agony on Geillis’ face too. It was all TOO MUCH.

drowning

I will continue to use this until I stop needing to.

Then he heard me! I was yelling at my TV. “JAMIE! Where the HELL are YOU!  Hurry UP FFS!” Then POOF! There he WAS! Took him long enough…he could have shown up 5 minutes earlier…but we will take him when we get him!

This is a man right here…going all scottish ninja on their asses – straight through the isle knocking sheeples out of his way like bowling pins! Drawing both dirk & sword. Then Statler stands & tells Jamie he has no right to touch Claire & to stand down or something I don’t know what he said really even when I play it over & over, all I can see & hear is Jamie… ole Statler sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown to me “WAH WAH WAH WAH”.  Jamie tells him to get bent. He promised on an alter before God he would protect this woman and there aint NOTHING they can do or say that will stop him from doing that. He will drop the first stupid numpty who takes a step near him…it looks like they believe him too.

calm your tits

Jamie is ANTI-sheeple. THAT my friends…is A MAN FOR the people. *sigh*  Followed by a THUD

This is when Geillybean takes the opportunity to do something selfless for Claire.  Just as Claire did for her. I swear – girls really should stand up for one another more but getting themselves whipped n burned might be taking this whole sisterhood thing a tad far.

G-girl puts on her shoulder pads of awesomeness. Throws ’em back and screams at the crowd that Claire ain’t no witch but SHE sure as hell is…AND she has proof! BOOYA! Lookit you ignoramuses- this is the mark of the devil himself!  The look of anguish on Claire’s face  – Jamie looking between G- & Claire & the town people…it was as if willing them out of the door. There goes the whole damn sweater…we are left with a length of yarn. Done.

This scene gives me goose nipples! Yes. Goose nipples! We don’t get goose bumps in Canada…we get Canadian goose nipples. AKA Nippilitis. Terrible thing.

The dialogue delivered by Geillis was remarkable, the tearing of her dress to show her devils babe, the response from crowd was viscerale & then the scream. Seriously the scream as she was doing the crowd surfing…SERIOUSLY!?  That was as kick ass as they come.

You can't help but cheer for a performance like this!

You can’t help but cheer for a performance like this!

It’s Jamie’s turn to tend to Claire’s wounds this time. He is being tender with her & it’s just heartbreaking to watch. He asks her if she is a witch, he needs to know. Geilwitch referred to that mark on her arm as one of the devils and he has seen the same on Claire.  It didn’t seem as it would change how he felt about her but for their safety, he needed an answer. BOY did he get those answers! All of them. She told him everything. That she was from the future, how she got there, when she tried to get back & all about the things she knew. She thought for sure he would think she was a loon – but he believed her. He loved her and trusted her. If anything he was angry with himself for beating her when she tried to get back & that moment was a touching one. Touch me. Go ahead. I dare ya…

Ooops, sorry, I started to drift off

Ooops, sorry, I started to imagine…Nevermind…

You could even see in his eyes when he made a plan, while holding her… Then saying it would have been easier if she had only been a witch. Which.Was.An.Epic.Line. Delivery.  Just Saying. Really slow apparently. So you know how serious I am.

Then he wouldn’t have to do – what he was going to.

Yeah...me either.

Yeah…me either.

Then the man does it again.  I mean this girl is getting SPOILED. He finds the best ways to wake her up, like EVER!He has become the world’s best alarm clock.

I have to find these setting on my phone.

phone-alarm

#JAMMFdigital #JAMMForal – Dammit! All I have is vibrate. Not that that sucks in the all together. Oh well. Time to train the hubs. Shouldn’t be a problem. *snort*

Now…back to the sex scene that people said was dumped in for the sake of a sex scene. First if that was the case. We would have actually seen some full on SEX. We didn’t. We did however see a woman get gratified in a very sensual and intimate way. Jamie wanted to watch her. He wanted to remember her face, memorize how she looked while he loved her & how she felt as he held her in the palm of his hand. Now…for those who think he didn’t get any satisfaction from that? Ummmm…plenty of men get a great deal of satisfaction from watching the women they love have an orgasm especially when THEY are the reason they are experiencing it.  *GASP* Don’t think he didn’t get anything out of the deal.

OH…and remember when Claire said “we rode hard for several days”. Yeah…he might be a little sore from that experience.

double on tundra

Plus as one of the AB-Ootlander hubby’s (@tlmfarmgirl’s man) realized while watching the show w his teenage sons. This became a teachable moment. 3rd Base – And that is how it’s done!

The next day, he asks her if she is ready to go home…YES…she says but she thinks he is talking about Lallybroch NOT the stones.  It’s like he tricked her. She looks gobsmacked when she sees them. He looks gut wrenched. I admire the ability of ALL the actors on this show. Whether it be their eyes, their chins, their cheek bones, their lips or brows. They use their faces with such a great deal grace to act. It’s remarkable.

I, for one, love the way they played this. Jamie believed her heart & soul. No slapping the stones, ramming into them, no wanting her to go near them while he was there. Telling her to go & saying goodbye. Telling her there was nothing there for her save danger. In the book, it was needed, in the TV show. We need his undying belief. IN THE NOW.

But nothing being here for her…AHEM…THAT’S where you are WRONG buddy…World’s BEST ALARM CLOCK EVER! That’s SO something.

I have read the book obsessively and AGAIN I was yelling at my TV.  I KNOW what happens, still,  YELLING at my TV.  I am pretty sure I am going to need some pretty extensive therapy by time we go into the season finale. Who the hell at Sony Canada do I send this bill to? Buddy? You?

Turning into a pillow hugging therapy needin crayon eatin ...yeah...her

Turning into a pillow hugging therapy needin crayon eatin …yeah…her

Claire just sits in the circle of stones. No voice over. Just her and those big ole stones. We get a shot of Claire. Tears. Maybe sobs. Hers…mine….ours. UGH. Then she stands. A quick pan to the stones & the horrid noise that goes with them. BLACKNESS!

Ryan-Gosling-Oh-No-You-Didnt-Half-Nelson

Oh…No…They didn’t. PHEW!

I spy a campfire. I spy a worn face with tear tracks on it…awwwwwwwwwwwww!

ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER! Throw back to episode 1. Can you all crush my heart anymore? Oh wait. Yeah. You can. Take me home to Lallybroch – causes another tear to follow the track the other one left on Jamie’s cheek and he makes the sad but happy cry face.

DONE! Stick a fricken FORK IN ME! I. AM. DONE!

This Boston Pizza is beyond cooked...its burnt. Can't go on. Take me OUT!

This Boston Pizza is beyond cooked…its burnt. Can’t go on. Take me OUT!

Until next time anyway.

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SL -The ABOotiest of the ABOotlanders

* We also have all of the previous first season reboots as well as some special addition fun stuff. Check it out for some giggles.