Searchin for my Watch! Och! That’s backwards. Ep. 13 & 14 Two-fer!

I have been in Mexico, enjoying guacamole outta a bag. Really…resort…why’d you do that? Still, I was having a fabulous over a week away from reality…however… this means I missed not just ONE episode of Outlander but I missed TWO!

2

How’d I survive??? Oh wait…I was here.

Doing stuff like this...
Doing stuff like this…

I have my ways. I did watch them both. THANK GAWD!  However, my husband might have reconsidered his view on smackin’ me around if I would have hauled out my laptop during our romantic getaway to write these lil blog bursts for ya. To save my marriage & my ass,  I saved them till I got home & am doing a two-fer.  2 episodes for the price of one.

119_crazycat_cat_gifs
Lets do this thing…

You may get cliff notes or you may get the longest effin blogburst known to man. I have no clue…I’m just typing here. If you are a betting person, go for the latter. 

“The Watch” was a fanfreakingtastical episode! I loved it because it was a tale of two stories woven together and it didn’t confuse me. Which is a huge selling point cuz…well….pretty day.

We start off with Jamie looking down the barrel of some dudes…yeah…pistol…and he has a big’un! They share barbs and suddenly you think “Geez Jamie, isn’t it usually Claire that has the flappin gums?”  When they came to Lallybroch, they switched brains. First, he gets all #ClaireDrunk next #ClaireLippy. Thank all that is holy – Jamie…is SAVED by his big sister!

here I come

Turns out she knows these guys, The Watch. Not Rolex or even Timex, these guys are dang Casio’s.

Jenny doesn’t just know them a lil, she knows them a lot.  We learn that Always HaoppyIan even thinks of the leader in high regard. Why? Cuz he reminds him of Jamie.  Ain’t that sweet?  The Watch is both bad & good. They take money from folks to protect them from meaner folks than them.  They are the underground gang of the Scottish Highlands & they have the Frasers/Murray’s back!  Although Jenny doesn’t trust them enough to say outright “Hey dudes, this is my outlawing bro…you could get a good chunk of change for turning his ass over.” (To the the English…oh and I suppose to Captain Creep Master General- that’s splitting hairs)

They make intro’s “Here’s cousin Jamie, wandering in after years with his English bride- but we don’t mind her. Much.”

MeOw

MeOw

The look on Jamie’s face during AHIan’s exchange of pleasantries with Taran MacQuarrie, Leader of the Watch made ya wanna snort out loud. Both shock & jealousy. “He’s MY BFF! not yours!” “What are ya doing touching HIS sword Ian…that so ain’t right dude!” 

Sad sulking batman...Ahem...Jamie

Sad sulking batman…Ahem…Jamie

Jamie is NOT a happy camper when he finds out about this lil arrangement because now he has to play goofy Cousin Jamie MacTavish & everyone knows he bites his toenails. Weird kid.

Jenny & AlwaysHappy Ian put the breaks on Jamie’s temper tantrum and tell him…play along…or DIE! Stupid – remember the price on your big fat red heid. This is the Watch – they go where the quid is and right now, that’s your hied!

Jamie gets all “I NEVER WOULDA”  *sigh*  Guess ya shouldn’t have taken off for 4 yrs then huh?  Shit had to get done.

Claire agrees. Don’t be stupid…stupid! I think she said it nicer though – but the same effect was had because he knew – his responsibility was to his family. His wife, sister, bro n bairns – born & not yet born.  All that I learned from…this here face.

jamie
It’s the OK I GET IT…I’ll shut the hell up face. It won’t be easy but I will do it for the sake of my family.

 They have one of the most awkward dinners with the unmannered lot, like ever. Jamie trying not to be Lairdy (that’s a word right?) & Claire looking down at the nose picker in the crew. There is always one booger roller! I don’t know where they found that guy…trolls r us? How many bridges were searched under? *sigh* I know I know..ACTING! Only Acting. Gave me the willies! Plus…how can you possibly trust a guy with no top lip!?

Where the hell did his lip go? I mean really???

Where the hell did his lip go? I mean really???

 I had a hard time NOT liking Taran. Makes me feel dirty, and not in a good way either. He is a perceptive one, that Taran MacQuarrie. His name sounds like McCoy to my ear…is that a mistake? I dinna think so.

They cover various topics during dinner, how Jenny hides the good food & expensive tobacco when they come. Who wouldn’t? Bastards would eat & smoke it all…in that order one would hope – some do seem more civilized than others. Name sounds like McCoy tries to get some info out of Jamie when Claire offers up he fought in France with AHIan. That stirs his interest, if they were soooo close-  why oh why – hadn’t his buddy ole pal talked about this big redheadedsummuvvabitch before? Things that make ya go hmmmmm.

 The Watch divulges they have a plan in the works and more men arriving – I think Taran kinda likes Jamie…oh…who doesn’t? EVERYONE LOVES JAMIE!

raymond

It could be an 18th century spinoff

A horsie needs tending & of course…DUN DUN DUN NA! Jamie to the rescue…he is the best damn shoer across the land. Jamie’s his name…shoin’s his game.  He’ll get that horse fixed right up.  Anything to get them dingleberries off his land. Dinner ends with Claire giving the evil “get yer boots off the table” look to Mctrollnomanners.

Mary Poppins effin says so!

Mary Poppins effin says so!

The next morning, trollbait found AHIan’s good tabbacky and was smoking it like he didn’t care.  I am pretty sure this guy was born in a barn – with no walls. Jamie pulled the shame card and trollfeatures decided to do what ANY 2 yr old with a tendency for pyromania would do. He set a big damn cart of hay on fire. WHATAPRICK!

shits on fire

So Jamie…of course…jack of all trades. Goes from being a laird, to a farrier to an ever lovin fireman in oh 2.3 seconds flat!firefighter

He puts out a fire, starts shaming troll features when the little fart face pulls a pistol on him. That’s ok, Jamie has ummmm…a HORSESHOE! He then proceeds to beat the crap outta 4  of them. Somehow ends up with the knife & pistol but ditches the horseshoe…I am sure a horse’ll need it more than him. Jamie Fraser just goes all Chuck Norris on their asses.  Teran watches Jamie…not at all bothered that he is bringing down his men one by one but impressed as all hell. Who wouldn’t be? As a side note…Who else loves the Yellin Fraser of Fightin Town? ARGH! GARGH! AH! GER! Very enjoyable indeed.

Taran tells his gang of douchbags to stand down…more like keep laying on the ground where their asses got tossed. He apologizes to Jamie & tells him he wants him to be a warrior for them.  Oh but our Jamie…he’s a lover not a fighter. Not that we have seen that part of him lately but all we have to do is close our eyes for a moment….remember…lover Jamie”  Yeah…then the grunting again. Shhhh…don’t judge.

lovernotafighter

Dammit as soon as he says he is settled down we have a visitor….HORROCKS!  You know the name. You can’t help saying it like you have a big gob of something stuck in the back of your throat that you gotta get out.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. Yeah. Ummmm SHIT.  He pretends not to know Jamie. Jamie pretends not to know him but Taran…he ain’t no dummy.

For some stupid reason, the Watch is listening to Horrocks about a raid. *eyeroll* Ok…maybe he is a little bit of a dummy.

Jes a lil...smidge

Jes a lil…smidge

We have some bonding moments with Jenny & Claire. This episode has many of them. We start with them doing the laundry, chatting about the men- giving that all powerful line about AHIan guarding his chiefs weaker side-  when Jenny goes into labour.  Claire…now guarding Jenny’s. LOVED this!

Jenny’s baby is breech- all turned the wrong way so this is going to be a long go. This is time for Jenny & Claire to bond. Talk about Claire not being a mother yet, how that can happen by taking some of Grannie McNabb concoctions etc. Claire thinks AHIan should know about the babe being backwards but nope…Jenny will have none of it. Business as usual. Baby is coming and don’t you dare say anything else! YES’M! 

Time for Jamie to confront the SlimeyIrish, who just happens to be rifling through things that don’t belong to him. Nosey bugger. The scottish humidity sure has done nothing for buddies hair…he looks like a he got a bad perm…poof!  So we learn what Phlemsounds wants…he wants the monies! To travel to the colonies & adventures and to get his hair straightened. No one could expect to travel lookin like that could they?

humid

One of the most BEAUTIFULLY shot scenes in the whole show was the next one between Claire & Jenny.  First I laughed when Claire asked Jenny to tell her what it was like being pregnant –

dafuck

dafuck

Then, I was mesmerized with the both the visual shots & dialogue.  I read the book to my hubby, in which that passage made him snort. When Jenny said it he looked at me and said “Well there ya go then! For the record…I wanna go back in YOU…not MY MOM.” Point taken hun…and thanks for clarifying.didthat

 The beauty of the imagery takes the words and makes them her own. They don’t have to be how YOU feel about pregnancy…you feel Jenny’s connection to her body & to her men & that is something visceral.

Most.Gorgeous.Shot.Like.Ever...Ever.
Most.Gorgeous.Shot.Like.Ever…Ever.

So…no midwife coming to town. Nice! It’s going to be the Dr.Claire show! This is on you sister.  She lets Jenny know breech births are possible…only have to reach up inside and pull it out. THAT’S ALL! No BIGGY…I have small fingers.

Jenny says not without me pounding back some scotch first…Claire tells her baby will be drunk too…HA…then baby will come into the world a true scot. NICE! *snort* I love Jenny…if I haven’t made that perfectly apparent by now.

It’s time for AlwaysHappyIan to give Jamie a reality check of his own.  They are cleaning up after the fire…Now Jamie is playing janitor. Man of many trades. Ian tells him he’s has a ram up his arse or something to that effect.  Jamie is told he has 2 cheeks for a reason…turn one.  I say he has 4 cheeks…turn one and show 2! Come on, we are going through Jamie bum withdrawls. I can’t be the only one thinking it.  Jamie get’s his kilt in a wedgie because his BFF actually LIKES MacQuarrie! Come on Jamie…AlwayHappyIan, likes everyone that treats him like a MAN with something to offer…don’t be so damn selfish! Oh…and then there is this little part. Taran reminds AHIan…of…dun dun dun…YOU! Seriously Jamie – he protects your family from the redcoats. Pay one devil to keep the other away isn’t such a bad deal when you haven’t a decent bargain to make.

We can now consider Jamie’s head removed from his fine ass. Good ole AHIan. Gotta love ‘im and ya gotta trust ‘im.  Jamie tells him about Phlegminyourthroat bribing him.  AHIan says Jamie has money from being Laird he must use – he really doesn’t want to though. He can be a persistent bugger though.

The next scene is cut to one where you might as well just put your heart on the floor & step on it. Caitriona Balfe won’t say a whole lot but her face does and when it does…STOMP STOMP STOMP all over your wee heart she does her heart break dance. Seriously woman…where ever you learned to do that…it just ain’t right.

claire 1

Jamie tells her of AHIans suggestion of giving the monies over to the greasyIrishman but saying that money was meant for their children, to build & keep Lallybroch. Claire’s face…shatters – along with our hearts.

She tells Jamie she doesn’t think she can have his babies and her face does the dance of breaking our hearts…his face crackles but only for a quickie so she doesn’t notice. When he mentions “Franks” name I think its about as cold I have ever heard his voice get – like a cold wind blowing through the door.

Claire didn’t count on loving him or having his babies…this is tearing her guts out and in turn ours. He swoops in to save the day. AGAIN. Saying it probably is for the best as he can bear his own pain but he could not bear her pain *sigh*

drowning

These constant drownings keep up I might need to watch this show wearing a lifejacket

Off to meet to villain who is having the bad hair day…good thing he is wearing a hat.  Jamie tries to pay him off but the dumb shit wont stop yammering. He tries to extort MORE from him. Big mistake irish…yap yap yap telling my life story yap yap yap you should raise taxes & be tougher yap yap yap… Imma threaten your family…ummm is something pokin me… STAB! AlwaysHappyIan turned into GetHimFromBehindIan.

Created by ABOtlander Sherri Gamblin

Dude totally deserved it. Jamie & Ian back together again. He’s a lil shaky about things though. Couldn’t put his sword in the hole. Bet he doesn’t have that problem with Jenny.

Jamie tries to calm Ian down with a “Remember when we were kids” chat at we talked about going to hell. That was fun right? Jamie you can’t go to hell alone…Ian has to make sure you don’t muck that up too.

Jenny is having a hell of a day. That little Fraser is a stubborn poke. She is at the point now where she thinks “Yup…gonna die. This wee bugger is gonna kill me”  Do the stuff I was supposed to do. Grab that wooden snake I found that Willie made for Jamie, give it to him for me Claire… cuz I’m gonna die like my mom did! It’s all down here from here.

The men wait downstairs & make rude comments, if AHIan coulda kicked him, I think he would have.  Taran made nice and paid for the hay they burned…also mentioned Horrocks…dundundun! He know’s somethings up so the next morning, he does a little math

Created by ABOotlander Sherri Gamblin

The New Alberta Math…hard for the big people. Ask Wee Jamie – he will understand

This is the new math that is easy for kids but all us adults are screwin up. Answer is simple…ya killed him!  Jamie sets him straight.

Lemme eat my bread like no big deal and tell you the tale – Price on my head – bad hair knew – put a knife in him. 

yes...I know....sliced bread...shhh..it's a wee joke

yes…I know….sliced bread…shhh

GOOD! He says. That hair was making me crazy…was gonna cut it myself. Now you you have to go in his place on our little raid that the person NO ONE trusted arranged. HOW DOES NO ONE SEE THIS IS A BAD IDEA??? Oh right…TV. 

Jamie & Claire’s goodbye is…tender & full of love. She gives him Sawny the snake…not the other way around for a change.  You can see the emotion pass over Jamie’s face.  Claire threatens if he doesn’t come back she will drag him back by his thick red curls…yeah…sunnuva!  They had to go and slow mo that walk away didn’t they??? DIDN’T THEY??? ARGH! They did that to us once before…remember?  Not cool.

internally screaming

Taran n Jamie have a man to man chat in the rain on the way to the raid. Jamie sees Taran for what he is – he sees himself as a free man – more or less, more of a robin hood than an evil henchman. It is all about perspective. Being ruled or ruling. He invites Jamie into their ranks but Jamie having Claire – he sees no choice but to say no, even though he sees why one would want to. Especially being on the run. Taran surprises us all when swears he wouldn’t turn him over to the British…he might shoot him first but nope… but wouldn’t turn him over.

Yes! Wait..what?

Yes! Wait..what?

Jenny is in the midst of damn you’s, gonna dies & cursing & screaming….its close & girlfriend is really doing the birthing scene justice as the men ride into where the ambush is supposed to be….you can see the thoughts crossing Jamie’s face….perfect spot for an…ambush…FUCK!  You can’t get out of here….RUN! Too Late! TOO…DAMNED…LATE!

REDCOATS everywhere. Firing on them. Sunnuvahorrocks!

emor

A wee lass was born. Maggie… Proof that Jenny is NOT always right, but let’s not rub that in too much. She probably is hormonal. Jenny gives Claire the tusk bracelets her mother Ellen was given by an admirer. Tall & queenly she calls Claire. Another compliment.  I love this moment between them. Claire gives her a kiss, some say it made Jenny uncomfortable, I think it make Jenny’s heart light up. A sister. Their moment.

3 days have gone by at Lallybroch and no word of the men…until the Lallybroch alarm goes off – hounds!

AHIan comes hobbling against another…arm in a sling and lookin beat to hell.He lost his horse, his leg & no doubt some pride but at least he brought home news of his bro. Naturally Jamie wouldn’t leave a wounded man behind. Taran got hurt and Jamie being Jamie…*sigh*… the Redcoats got him. AGAIN!

For reals...they have him...AGAIN.

For reals…they have him…AGAIN.

Without a break we are going straight into searching for the redheaded bugger! This is what I call a 2-fer – The Search

Now, I always enjoy the opening sequences in the show…but this marionette show was by far my FAVOURITE!  I mean really?  The fearies? The Stones? Claire….then POOF…she is gone. COME ON….Brilliance…beautiful. It gets us set up for the whimsy that is introduced in this episode and believe me – with for what is to come in future episodes…WE NEED THIS!

The episode starts straight into the heart of Lallybroch where all hell is breaking loose. Claire is getting ready to go find Jamie, AHIan thinks he is going to go…uh-huh sure… Claire being Captain Obvious points out Dude…you have no leg. He thinks she needs men to go and she is like “Nu-uh! No men! Just me! Draw me a map and make yourself useful”  Jenny is running around looking pretty purposeful but no one is taking notice of her. Girlfriend is on a mission!

Claire is all horsed up & ready to go and out comes 2 pistol packin Jenny, all raring to go. No arguments, she is coming…she can track…Claire can’t, she will shut her damn pie hole. Jenny has not only the spirit of iron…she also has the vulva of iron as well! DAMN GIRL! You just had yourself a baby now your hoppin on a horse.  Jenny continues to impress me. IronginaJenny! You GO GIRL!

Jenny Murray is so hard core she makes my vulva hurt just thinking about what she's done!

Jenny Murray is so hard core she makes my vulva hurt just thinking about what she’s done!

She shakes Claire out of her internal dialogue and they set off on their way like Cagney & Lacey through the wilds of Scotland to track down Jamie.

They do some more advertising for Tour Scotland. It is not possible to do those scenic shots and NOT want to visit. Jenny shows her prowess as a tracker, fingers in horse tracks, watching smoke, pickin up poop…this girl is GOOD. She finds where the ambush happened pretty quickly. Crows pecking out the eyes of the dead…that’s always appetizing. Lunch anyone?

nom-nom-o

Mmmmm….Eyeballs….tastytreats!

IronginaJenny says a prayer over the dead men and then does a quick recce of the area. She figures out where they are headed, that they have a big heavy cart – Claire fills in “hopefully its heavy cuz of the large red headed scot weighing it down” HURMPH!

These two alone tracking, the music…reminded me of the Littlest Hobo only way better.

I mean really…It just wouldnt go away 

Get’s me *sniff*  Every time *sniff*

Now…ladies & gentlemen…at this point in time I will be talking about the FULL episode. Not the accidently aired edited version that caused such a strammach in Canada on Sunday.  You might have heard.  Canada has 2 versions of Outlander.  One that is aired before 9 pm EST with all “adult content” censored out. This includes varying degrees of nudity, violence, choice language etc. Then we have the one aired after 9 pm EST…nothing cut.  It turns out – this past Sunday there was an error made and the daytime edit was played and hell was born down on Showcase.  You see, Sunday was also Mother’s Day so, for all the times breasts had been shown in all their sexual glory, the one time in the show they were being shown in their functional motherly glory…dun dun dun…censored. There is a WHOLE damn blog I could write about that, but I won’t because well, I am going to give Showcase the opportunity to adjust that. We shall see what comes of it.

roll-up-the-rim

You got another chance Showcase. Let’s see what you got.

The scene itself was SO FRIGGEN COOL!  I don’t doubt it has been seen before but yet again Outlander is ahead of the curve & making history on television by embracing Diana Gabaldon’s words and making them dance in front of our eyes. Releasing that milk, the sound of relief IronginaJenny was making. Made my own boobs start letting down and folks…these suckers havent nursed a babe in 15 years!  Ok..I was probably letting down powdered milk…but that shows ya. GOOD JOB! By missing this scene, my Canadian friends missed out on the conversation of Claire’s plans on trying to get Jamie back… while Jenny expressed her milk. If I heard one more person say “she milked herself” I was seriously going to start throat punching!  She is a woman…not a cow.  Terminology counts here.  As a woman who used to nurse, watching that milk get chucked…you go…NO!!! At the same time – yeah…where the hell would she put it?

On the road again….

Time to get serious, Warm poop, soldiers voices, hauling out the pistols…these girls are on fire!

do this shit

They scope out the soldiers, see Taran but no Jamie. Spot a messenger heading off alone. this is their chance. Head him off & they will have him.

Jenny pretends to faint in front of his horse & instead of being smart and riding right over her…nope…big ole dummy stopped and set upon.

escalated

Got his English arse tied to a fallen log.  Jenny & Claire playing good cop – bad cop all over the place & he couldn’t even pretend to be decent about it. Calling them harlots & sluts.  That’s a sure fire way of getting untied eh?

Jenny is right evil when she wants to be…instead of cleaning her gun, she uses the cleaning rod as a hot poker…this should get his attention & either Claire doesn’t like the smell of this guys feet or the whole idea is distasteful to her…the look on her face is pure disgust.

Jenny gives him a kick in the arse for good measure. Have I mentioned…I really like Jenny?  If he hasn’t figured out Jenny means business, Claire is trying to make that clear to him. His feet are getting branded and he doesn’t say anything and Claire is not enjoying things over much.  Jenny then threatens to smoke his balls…he gets a bit more animated & begs them – balls seem to get attention & he tells them he is only a courier! *DING DING DING*

winn

Claire realizing if he is a courier maybe he carries word of Jamie. Read his stuff!  The dork…the english with his feet branded and his balls about to be crispyfried orders THEM not to break the seal on the dispatches in the bag.  I am afraid you are the one at a disadvantage here dude…tied to a log, ass up with a girl, hot poker in her hand & all. I’d shut my gob if I were you. He knows he is up shit creek with no paddle now.

Shit_Creek

If only this place was handy…shame that

All they needed was in those dispatches. Jamie escaped! The dispatches said they needed soldiers to go look for him because they were headed somewhere else. Soooooo, if they didn’t get the dispatches…TADA…the girls would be the only ones looking. Destroy the dispatches and you are ready to rock & roll.

They figure Jamie is heading North. Then Claire suddenly moves to fix up the soldier’s foot…ummmm wha? No…dude has to die Jenny says. They have a wee battle of the wills over this. Jenny gives it to her straight…hell girl, he even heard where Jamie probably is going. There is NO way they can let him live. Claire…your instinct is to heal – Jenny’s instinct is to protect…together these will melt together soon. Like cheese n gravy.

Poutine

Ummmm whats that noise? Sounds like buddy is choking on something…oh….wait…he kinda is.  It’s his own blood. Hi Murtagh “knows how to make an entrance” Fraser.  When he isn’t knockin’ you out cold…he will just slice your throat for you.  He saved the lassies from the soul stealing work. Thanks buddy. We owe you a solid!

Jenny lets Claire know that her protection mode comes from love & she will bare it soon enough, in so many words.  Claire agrees saying she would have killed him if Murtagh didn’t.  It bothers her to know it’s true, that’s why she looks troubled but she is moving into that part of herself.

The ladies share more moments in the dark over the fire. These are moments Jenny & Claire become sisters of the heart.  Jenny isn’t the sharing type so when she shares stories of Jamie, Ian & herself as children it is her way of inviting Claire into her past…which means she has opened the door to her present.

Murtagh shows up with supper for them…I guess they are going to still owe him a solid – he tries to pass off the duck it looks like for them to clean & they give him the “You broke it, you bought it” look.

ewwww

Actually, we are used to cleaning the things but…you caught it…you clean it!

The next morn. It is time for Jenny to take her leave, Maggie needs her mom, and vise versa. She gives Claire the Quarter Day rents & AHIans lil knife.  It was time for Claire to tell Jenny the things she needed to prepare for – you know…cuz of Culloden & what would happen in the highlands. Damn it if my gut didn’t twist in the memory of reading this one.  Another moment that the pages of the book reach up and smack you in the whole face!

It's. All. Right. There.
It’s. All. Right. There.

Claire spills her guts to Jenny. Potatoes, famines, war, slaughter, land, gold, oh my! Jamie said you would tell me stuff – I’ll do it good sister! PHEW! Good ole forethinking Jamie saves the damn day and he isn’t even there.

Irongina Jenny rides off & we are left with the Army of Two.

Murtagh has a plan, as frustrating as he can be to Claire, it’s not to be “finding” Jamie.  Jamie will be finding them.  He brought Claire’s medicines with him, he wants her to stand out as a healer in the towns. He would dance..oh Murtagh to see you all DancyPrancy with a scowl on your face. I am not sure but I am willing to bet he doesn’t do weddings or funerals, damn sure he won’t do kids birthday parties. Doesn’t seem like a short people lover.

dancypracy

Broke my heart to see those peasants throwing food at the ole grumplestiltskin. Claire also attempted to tell fortunes whilst on the road. Both of them looking to garner information about whether Jamie had been in town. Only making women HOPE he was.

DancyPrancyMurtagh really thought he was good. Truth was, Duncan Lacroix got very good and had to pretend he was bad. What a waste eh? I’d have loved to see Murtagh really get jiggy with it.

The marionettes on stage again 🙂 Claire & her fearies. I love when I catch stuff…makes me feel all warm n bubbly. Hmmmm…maybe it was just too much pop.

rumbly

Claire has an idea for Murtaghs dancing, perhaps he could sing too? Good plan? How about a tune like 

Murtagh LOVES the idea but NOT him singing it and thinks…scottish…make it a scottish song…same tune…scottish words…get a new outfit on her and TADA! There is an ACT!

The Sassenach will get some attention! The banter between Murtagh & Claire was priceless “Stop quoting the bible – it doesn’t suit you!” BURN!

Murtagh throws her up on stage and the other thing that got cut in the daytime episode was Claire uttering a “Oh Fuck” on stage. It was priceless.

https://i1.wp.com/1158060741240391f9c7-7fe731c1f5e1a4e1d980b4b6220a14b8.r64.cf2.rackcdn.com/gifhi151.gif

What she said…

The way Claire looks down at her wedding ring from Jamie before she gets into the swing of the song…made my gut turn…just a bit. He’s with her, always. 

making us feel

Always with the feels!

She however went on village to village singing, dancing dressed as a laddie singing her heart out. Hoping that Jamie was hearing of the Sassenach singing the song that Dougal used to sing when he got too far into the drink.

You can see…some dirty gypsies were studying Claire & Murtagh as they travel village to croft. I enjoyed the whimsy, music & the way they shot the episode.  Not always hearing Claire sing, but seeing her, watching them traveling, seeing Murtagh dance, chatting w villagers, though the responses we “Nope…big red headed fella…ain’t seen him.”

They come upon a small camp where they hear music & see performers …ummmm….DOPPLEGANGERS! Oh.. it’s those damned gypsies! Doing a sword dance…ummm…a good one – don’t tell Murtagh I said that, and singing Claire’s song. The girl is being dirty nasty in her dancing too…mmmmmmm. Claire ain’t happy! Mr. Ward – the gypsy man…his voice reminded me of Geillis! SingSongy and musical but I didn’t like him near as much!

Claire & Murtagh demanded they stop singing their song, she even went so far as to pay them…Claire Claire Claire. She took his word he wouldn’t perform it…but we all know he will because now he has more money & a great song.

That just wasn't smart. Nope. Not smart.

That just wasn’t smart. Nope. Not smart.

Murtagh is pissed. As I think he should be, he knows the gypsies for what they are. Cheats. He tells Claire, Jamie won’t know what song to follow now and she ought to go home, he will just follow the gypsies.  Claire…she throws the WIFE card. 

Claire done pulled rank. Wife beats GodFather like Rock beats Scissors
Claire done pulled rank. Wife beats GodFather like Rock beats Scissors

More singing, dancing, traveling until they seem to have come to the edge of the world.

One dark night, Murtagh finally goes into snapmode. Saying he was stupid for following after her, she is stubborn & listens to no one blah blah. You know, I think he is realizing just how much she is like Jamie…thus like Ellen and it is tearing his guts out…

Claire went an opened a can of she doesn’t know what the hell –  by saying to Murtagh “…because you’ve never lost someone you loved!” Ummmmmm….NO? You don’t think so eh? Let me TELL YOU something! He told us all right…he told us. All about the lassie who stole his heart and never returned it.

Sorry, don't need your heart, here you go.

Sorry, don’t need your heart, it was sent Canada Post and never seen again.

He shared how he killed a bore – was gifted the tusks & made bracelets for this love of his, gave them to her for a wedding present…even though he knew he would never have her. Naturally, Claire clued in that the love he lost was Ellen, Jamie’s Mom, and showed him that she had the tusk bracelets. Murtagh proclaimed his love for Jamie – saying he is like a son to him.

Here…have some.

Or I will keep the kleenex...just for me

Or I will keep the kleenex…just for me

If you didn’t need some kleenex right there.  I am afraid you will need to stop at the nearest medi-center. Someone has turned off your heart.

The next day, the plan is to wash, rinse, repeat. Start all over again. Murtagh lets Claire know…they will manage. Together. Stopped at a tavern, Gypsy lips Mr. Ward stops with a message. First he was going to extort them for it, then somehow he found a bit of decency, I think it was more Murtagh scaring a little bit of the poop out of him than anything, I did not take a shine to the guy. Personal filters ya all. *wink* I have something against lying cheaters. Silly me. Call it Daddy Issues.

The message is to go to Glen something or another Cross real fast like, they think it must be Jamie so off they go. She kisses the little weasel. ICK…hope she didn’t catch something.

They get to a super awesome cave of sorts…calling for Jamie…and dun dun dun…with the sidiest eye of all side eyes.

sideeye

Dougal. SO psyched to see Graham MacTavish back but MAN….they brought him back douchier than ever!

He let’s them know that Jamie is alive but doesn’t let that bit of good news fester long. He let’s them know their song sure worked, Jamie met 6 redcoats on a road, one recognized him and off to Wentworth he went. Stood trial and is sentenced to hang. Not sure when though!

GOTTA GO Claire says! Not so fast Dougal says…it’s chat time with Uncle Dougal Mc Doucherson. Murtagh wasn’t to keen but for some reason Claire says ok…

Dougal tells her you need to let Jamie go and marry me!  Ummm…Jamie ain’t dead you wanker! Dougal is traveling between Arseton & Doucheville…might even be detoured to Prickski.

arseton

He keeps on trying to convince her that the only way to keep Lallybroch safe…OOOPS!  Claire understands now, its about the land…#facepalm.

She wont give up on Jamie…nope…I want your men to help me get Jamie out of there.  You a chicken shit Dougal? Huh? Claire still wants to save Jamie but says FINE I’ll marry you jerkface ONLY if I can’t Jamie out if I fail at getting him out or he’s dead…she’ll marry him. ARGH!

Not the best deal ever, but a deal

Not the best deal ever, but a deal

She can take any men that say they will go but Dougal isn’t going to tell them…

The next scene, Claire begs the guys to help but sure they don’t want to go into Wentworth to save Jamie. Scared.  Except….PoopinWillie! He is the first to stand up. That’s right.  The youngest… well he just went and shamed Angus & Rupert didn’t he? They will not be shown up by lil Willie. They will be going too! Damn straight they will.

No words needed.

No words needed.

Wentworth vs. 5  This should be interesting.  Let me suggest you get the following things ready for next Sunday.

1) Ativan for anxiety, you know, just in case. 2) Screw the kleenex, grab a towel. This will serve 2 purposes. To cover your eyes if needed and to catch any tears & or snot you release due to tears. 3) Booze. If you drink Just do it. Whatever your liquid evil is, make sure you have 2 bottles on hand. One for during the show – one for after. I have heard things.  4) Your remote. If things get too much in viewing through your personal filter. Turn off the TV. No one is making you watch the show. 5) Someone to love. Friend, family, fur baby…it’s always nice if you can have someone to hold onto. A pillow will do in a pinch. 6) Whatever device you choose to livetweet with. This might be a good idea for you. Humour will be hard to find but I promise we will do our best to lighten things up for you. It’s our job.

Catch us on the flip side #OutlanderCAN Sundays 8 pm MST.

SL feeling like an old Cootlander but nope ABOotlander- strong n free!

10 times! You pricked my what with your what?

We have made it into the DOUBLE DIGITS my people! 10 Episodes in & wowsers numero ten-o was a TEN alright. This is a whole lotta awesome jam packed into one episode…I like it like that.

whose awesome

Everyone involved in the production of OUTLANDER! THAT’S WHO!

First they start the episode with a cockin of a pistol…uh-huh. I know most people missed that lil reference. Me however – I never miss a cocking. Then *phew*  was it hot in there or was it just me?

Girl...So hawt. Tres hawt.

Girl…So hawt. Tres hawt.

Claire. Claire. Claire. It seems…Wheaties ain’t got nothing on you. You. Are The Breakfast Of Champions! (Well at least one champion we all know & love) Breakfast-of-Champions Talk about starting your morning off with a bang. Oh wait…they didn’t quite make it that far did they? THANKS Murtagh!  Seems  Murtagh “SceneStealingEyeBrowRaisin’SexyTimeInterrupting” Fraser just does not know when to stop knockin so others can continue knockin.(boots that is). At least Jamie had the decency to finish the job he started before answering the door. Finished it diligently & thoroughly. According to the sounds  Claire was making, quite loudly. Those doors…must be pretty damn thick, or Murtagh hasn’t cleaned the shit outta his ears in quite some time if he didn’t pick up on her satisfactory tones. There must have been at least once in Murtagh’s life he encountered a very sexually satisfied woman, because he recognized pretty quick when he saw it laying in bed. He had the where with all to at least look a bit abashed at the interruption. That last all of about a microsecond.  Murtagh wastes no time! Being Jamie’s own personal town crier he let him know what was up. The Dink of Sandwiches…hmmm…nope…Dude of Boysaks…nope… Oh right. Duke of Sandringham,

This might help ring your Dukely Bell

This might help ring your Dukely Bell

(The last guess was pretty close -Just saying *ahem*) is in the area so now is the time to try and get Jamie off the hook for the murder of the English dragoon. That everyone knows Creepy Captain Jackoff Randall killed- not Jamie. Claire’s tingle factor has gone down substantially now that Murtagh & his eyebrows have entered the room. She has started hearing the chatter & remembering her previous life. She is not inclined to let Jamie trust Duke BootyHammer, no way no how! She lets the fellas know its because Creepy n Booty are in bed together…well…now there’s a thought isn’t it? *shudder* ancestor-sleep Jamie takes off w Murtagh to talk to Ned “iknoweverything” Gowan. At first he’s like “This is hopeless give it up”…but NO I am the great and powerful Neddie Can DO, I can fix anything you can screw up.  Murtagh of course just want to hand out a hanging. Why not? If one person would look good with a rope neck tie…it’s Creep Master General! Chances are he would be using it for something kinky though. Don’t digress like I just did, the visuals ARE disturbing. Claire, left to her own devices for a while means BIZNEZ! She is not letting Laoghaire leave nasty shit under HER bed. Nu-uh! At first Laoghaire “WHO ME?” MacKenzie plays blonde and pretends she has no idea what Claire is getting at with the ill wish but she can’t hold onto the mental stability table for long. One of the table legs give out from under her as soon as Claire says “He’s just not into you.”

tantrum

SNAP! Spoiled girl goes CRAYCRAY

That sends Loose Laoghaire straight over the castle walls and into the dismal mean girl zone. Declaring that Jamie is hers, always was hers & ONE DAY WILL BE AGAIN. Book fans all over the globe groan. Yeah…because we know she isn’t all that insane after all, is she now?  Then she hits Claire below the belt. Saying Jamie must have to get himself drunk in order to hit the sheets with her cold english ass. Claire does not take this lightly and bitch slaps her. Pretty sure I heard cheers all the way from my newfie friends.  Not sure why but Claire apologized – I thought a throat punch may have been more effective. Ummm…that was my outside voice wasn’t it? That’s gonna get me in trouble one day. Again.   Then just when Claire felt bad for smacking the spoilt wee nit, LooseLips Laoghaire keep flappin her gums & tells her the only “friend” in the world she has is the one that sold her the illwish in the first place. Way to go Geillis. How’s that knife feel Claire, buddy ole pal? Deep enough for ya?

Awww somebody just got hurt real bad. Not cool.

Awww somebody just got hurt real bad. Not cool.

Claire, never one to leave well enough alone, goes in search of Geillis. She finds F’arthur instead. In serious agony with rumblies in his tumblies. She passes along some medicine to his maid before he orders her to be gone. The maid however passes a little message to Claire that Geillis will be in the woods just before dawn if she really wants to meet her. Won’t be anything weird about that will there?

It wasn’t weird- per say. Mystical. Voyeuristic. Mesmerizing.  I couldn’t pull my eyes away. The wee squeaks, moans & panting sounds the witch was making…because no one in their right mind can deny it now. Girlfriend. She IS a witch. (If if dances like a witch, chants like a witch & blows smoke like a witch…it’s a damn witch). Honestly, I felt more dirty watching her with her arcorns than I did while Jamie was having his breakfast.

peek

So uncomfortable. Must watch!

That, my friends, is a stunning testament to Lotte VerBeeks acting ability. She KILLED that scene. Along with a few people…(that to come). I really enjoyed the editing as well, Claire seeing the druid dancers flashing back with Geillis. Cool trick bro.

The dialogue between Claire and Geillis after her ummm…summonsing was – entertaining. Acting like this was the most normal thing she could have been up to and Claire looking at her like. You KNOW you are cracked right? But…you’re my only friend…kinda…MAN I am SO desperate for friends I will even take the likes of YOU!

Geillis, thank goodness packed some clothes, I was worried she was going to contract a case of nipplitis that not even Claire could cure. In case you are wondering. Nipplitis. TOTALLY a thing. Serious condition here in Canada. Many women suffer from this, such a tragedy.alanis-morissette-humps-o

That coat she was wearing. Pure genius on the part of Terry & friends in the costume department. Read about it here. Super cool. She looks like someone who had just rolled off the crazy faery hillside. They mended all their fences, Geillis fed Claire some bullshit story that she didn’t know the ill wish was for her *cough* yeah right *cough*. Since she knew the illwish was a bunch of pussywillows & sticks all wrapped up with string, it didn’t matter at all to her anyway. It was just like when Claire gave the stupid little girl a vile of horse poop. You see, they are connected those two. They walk through the woods, they chat, or Geillis gossips, about Dougal, his ugly wife. Her words not mine. Gifts she has been given, their love, their baby.

Then we hear…a baby. They both hear it but only one of them cares.  3 guesses…first 2 don’t count! Claire wants to go to the crying baby & Geillis explains to her that its a Faery hill & even though SHE is the one dressed for the event, neither of them should go ANYWHERE near that damned hill! Those parents left that baby there on purpose so the faeries could give their healthy baby back that they stole from them & take that sick faery back. You know, weird shit like that.  Silly superstitious nonsense & Claire knew it.   Claire also knew the baby was just not thriving and probably could get better…maybe could. Geillis was like..”Screw You… after I just blew all that smoke up your ass about being my friend and how you could get me burnt at the stake…nope you are on your own – I am out! Later!”

Geillis's cat stunt double

Geillis’s cat stunt double

Claire, once again on her own & traipsing through the woods, lost & alone. She REALLY should stop doing this. It never ends well. Like. EVER.  She hears some ragged coughs a few gasps of breath…the crying stops. Never a good sign.  A few moments later closer to the top of the hill there is a huge tree w a small bundle. This just ain’t right. Nothing about this is right. She takes the bundle from the tree. We all know what she finds isn’t good. The baby is dead and there isn’t anything she can do for it. She does what we many would do. Sits down & grieves for it. drowning

More feels. They take over.  Then the man on the horse shows up. Jamie.  Damn, he rides in and so much becomes better. He speaks so gently to her.  Even though she holds such venom for the superstitions that have taken this babies life. Jamie was raised with them…he is able to explain it to her without sounding ignorant. Giving her comfort too. *BIG SIGH*  His voice & demeanor is like a massive HUG to the soul. JAMIE IS A SOUL HUG! I like it…I like it a lot. #SoulHugMoment.  My favourite part of this moment was when Claire looked in Jamie’s eyes and asked him to take her HOME.

home

We then we come to the reading & signing of THE DOCUMENT! The petition of complaint. You know the one. The one that will go down in history. Claire knows it, I see the hesitancy on her face because she knows how Frank pours over documents like this. As soon as her signature is there then…BOOM. So is she.

We get to meet the Duke next & surprise! Claire is doing stuff she shouldn’t be doing but OH she should. Sticking her nose in where it shouldn’t be…but OH it should.  Testing the waters so to speak.  This is because Claire is from another time.  No wallflower is she.  She is putting hers firmly on the table with the Duke.  Don’t screw with me dude! Your balls…are mine.

Considering he is used to dealing with men or boys…*ahem*…he isn’t quite sure how to deal with this one. So he hands over his set to her…for now. Let’s just say. ball collector

Back to the castle we go to watch one hell of a performance by Graham McTavish. Seriously Dougal. Go home…you’re drunk. Oh wait, you were home…kinda. Turns out, Geillis’s summonsing turned out to be pretty darned effective and Dougal’s wife caught a fever and boom, within days. Died. Dougal taken over by…not sure its grief or guilt got blithering drunk & went postal in the Great Hall.  Colum – is not a happy camper.  He sent out the fella’s to find Claire to mix up one of her sedatifs *wink* to settle him the hell down.angustoger

Dougal put on quite a show. Hollering & fighting anyone that got in his way. Crying about his poor dead wife, Maura, ummm…talking about how no one would have found her attractive – even a blind dude – but that she still didn’t deserve him. Yeah, point taken buddy. Angus, spry & smart, gathered up Claires sleeping potion. Enough to fell a horse apparently – cuz it did, into a bottle of port & gave cheers to Dougal’s dead wife encouraging Dougal to drink more, he did…then…TIMBER – down went the big man- not in the good way.  Only took 6 of ’em to carry him out of the hall.

Geillis & Claire meet in the courtyard. Geillis is giddy her handy work was effective. Claire is thinking shes crazy- it was just a coincidence & besides you still have a husband remember? We get the GeillisGiggle. Only…it isn’t very funny is it?

Back to the Duke’s. Look who is in trews? Yup, Jamie.  Our hero knows when he has to guard his back door doesn’t he?  I mean…sure Murtagh is there but you can never be too careful can you?

The tete & tete & tete between them was…interesting and down right comical at times. The Duke touching Murtagh, it was like you could see it on his face he wanted to go & wash in the nearest trough or punch him in the nearest throat. *snort*. Having Jamie take part in the dual with him as his second for his scrubbing of his back. GREAT way to implement the story & HAHAHA! LOVED it.

There has been sooooo much speculation in the fandom since that dual clip came out & EVERYONE knew exactly what it was of course. Naturally NO ONE knew…this was BRILLIANT. Again. LOVE what they did. Not because I HAVE to but because it was SMART! The way the Duke petted Jamie’s face…his reaction. This was just awesome.

murtagh

The Duke was apparently getting his fingers on everyone in the room 😛

SO much happened in the episode it was kinda epic really. The Great Hall was next & this is where…it didn’t take a summonsing. Geillis was done with F’Arthur. It was time his show came to a close…it was time for his grande finale!  It was a huge dinner in honour of the Duke and cyanide was F’Arthurs main course.  When he went down – Geillis pushed her chair back and let him – watched in silence – let Claire take care of business, pulled out a newspaper & cigarette…ok…maybe she didn’t do that but she sure looked disinterested those first few moments.

Everyone stood…agast…then she stood. She & Dougal made doe eyes across the crowded room. Over the foaming & dead mouth of her bloated body of a husband, a calculating Twistycone figuring out everything staring at them both…it was SO romantic!

Sarcasm_tbbt

SO MUCH SARCASM

Then…to the dual with the MacDonalds that Jamie has promised to be Dukie boys second for. It had to the be the most pathetic excuse for a dual like. Ever. Two what looked like old guys shooting blanks at each other. Then deciding to drink to it.  It was the – what comes after that make it interesting. 3 nasty little MacDonald boys with little man syndrome have to start measuring each others wieners verbally. Jamie goes and makes a bit of a mistake – throws a “Yo Mama” joke at them but TURNS his back on them. At least the wee twit who goes after him had the presence of mind to yell “Buggering Sodomite” at him before he struck. Bit redundant isn’t he?

eyeroll

buggers sodomize…sodomites bugger…yes…yes

Here we get to see Jamie’s AWESOMENESS with a sword…n…stuff. He took a beating but kept on tickin! Damn that was fun to watch! I don’t suppose Jamie will want McDonalds for a while. I felt the same after the last time I had it too. But then again, I’m a glutard.

macdonalds

That was pretty funny shit when Duke TailBetweenmyLegs Sandringham came running over telling Jamie, “Now make sure you let your wife know THIS wasn’t my fault! Here, let me take this petition and get it taken care of. Buh Bye Now!  You lay here and catch your breathe I’m going. I’m a big puss.”

Imma chickenshit

Imma chickenshit

Not that Claire cared whose fault it was. Silent treatment was given when he was being stitched up. Pretty sure she regretted that with what was to follow.

Twistylegs McTwisterson pissing all over EVERYONE! Holy CRAP…little man anger is very loud and big. No one was free of his ire. Dougal couldn’t even CRY to get sympathy…the little meany LAUGHED at him when he did. So BANISHED! He banished Dougal to his home. Go home to your dead wife. You can’t be here for your pregnant mistress cuz she is a witch & a temptress…no way you are marrying her. I will take care of that shit!  It is ABOUT TO GET REAL ‘ROUND HERE! Jamie…YOU are going too- without your wife. DON’T you talk or I will cut out that tongue you have become so good at using.

NOT the TONGUE!

NOT the TONGUE!

Seriously Twisty…that was going too far. Pulling the tongue card. How incredibly UNJUST! And for the record young Jamie…you will be BABYSITTING Dougal. You have displeased the wee king of the castle SO much by shedding McDonald blood without HIS permission, you are being punished too. WTG Jamie. So not cool.

Now, time for Jamie & Claire to say their goodbyes.  What’s the first thing Jamie says to her? STAY AWAY from Geillis Duncan because TwistyLegs plans on punishing her. STAY AWAY! BE CAREFUL. She says she will – but we know better.

She NEVER listens. Never. Never. Listens.

She NEVER listens. Never. Never. Listens.

So Jamie swallows her goodbye. *snort* Good one Dougal. Way to break up the feels. Real kneeslapper!

The tender loving moments between Jamie & Claire capture us now don’t they? *sigh* He rides off with her watching him. She tells him to come back to her “As soon as I can” he says and kisses her forhead. Collective FanSigh.

aww-gif

Next up…Tomas Tomas Tomas…sure he looks scared poopless but really kid. This woman saved your life & now you’re passing her this fake note to send her to Geillis? *sigh*

This is what our note would have said.

note

Claire confronts Geillis on poisoning F’Arthur, she is scandalized & completely out to lunch. Thinking Dougal will protect her. Yeah ummm, he’s gone. TwistyLegs, is the only one left & he kinda is the one with all the power and he wants ye burnt…like yesterdays toast.

penfield1 (1)

We interrupt this witch burning for a Canadian Heritage moment

 

Back to our regularly scheduled programming. G- know it now…You are hooped! And because Claire didn’t see our part of the note…the wardens get 2 sorceresses for the price of 1. WTG. You are going to have a fine time getting out of this one.

Then because the production is class A rubbing salt in the wound of Claire “can’t just suffer that much” Fraser. We have a lovely shot of the wee pot stirrer. Laoghaire. The person we ALL love to hate. Beautiful. Yet…she looks a wee bit different – Green about the middle somehow.

smirk

Claire sees her.  I think if she could go all hulk on those steel bars – she would.  Underestimated that one didn’t you?

See you all next time! Don’t forget EVERY Sunday we try to LIVE TWEET with our Showcase viewing. 8 pm MST. #OutlanderCAN

If you wanna play before the next blog – swing by our TWITTER. @ABOotlanders or leave a comment here. I will probably  reply. Eventually.

A bunch of us are heading down to The Expo in Calgary this week/end. It’s going to be FUN times. GRAHAM MCTAVISH people. That’s right. I will be attempting to touch him. #THUD

The end.

 

SL the ABOotiest of ABOotlanders

I reckon The Reckoning was JUST what the doctor ordered. Dr. Jekyll that is

Nuts_11

Get your nuts here. Real nuts. Actual Nuts.

Wow & wow. This episode pulled out all the stops & it seems to have split the fandom- which seems a little nutty to me.

First 1000 thank yous to ALL of those involved in the creation of this series.  I know there are people out there that make it their mission to pick everything apart, make fun of shit & feel it’s their given right to voice their very gnarly opinions. My truth is…we should feel privileged to have something to complain about.  I won’t because I am grateful to have it in front of my face in the first place. Being entitled isn’t my jam.

The Reckoning was all I could have hoped for – and even more.  It was from Jamie’s POV. BRILLIANT. Well played Mr. Moore n company. WELL PLAYED!well-played-445681

Not only because we got to hear his voice overs, lets face it…Sam Heughan’s voice is like  mozzarella fingers….smooth n melty melty melty.  It was a rock solid plan considering the parts of the story that were going to be told. I loved the opening scene, like a young boy, skipping rocks…just talk Jamie. Keep. Talking. Everyone else shut your damn mouth, Jamie is talking to ME.bunny love

Yes. Horrocks. Jerk feed. Shoulda beat his teeth in. Now-wee Willie Winky blow your horn. Really kid?  Is it really too much to tell the truth? You went for a piss did you? Nu-uh.  As demonstrated later on in the episode by Murtagh & Jamie, a piss only takes a few seconds.  You my friend went for a poop.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone poops. They even write books about it.  But poopin is for sure what you were doing, other wise Claire would not have had time to wander SO FAR to have found the stones & been caught by the dreaded redcoats and as I like to call him – Captain Creep Master General. That dude has some serious warped inner dialogue that transforms right to his features. Tobias, you are scary. In a good way. If that’s possible.

Off go the fearsome foursome to save the damsel in distress. Murtagh, Rupert, Angus & Jamie. These are four dudes you do not want to meet in a back alley somewhere. They took a whole garrison in one fell swoop! Murtagh and his nighty night cracks to the noodle. Which he is probably known for in the Highlands. “Och, yer havin trouble sleepin? Aye, go visit Murtagh…ye’ll not feel a thing”skull

Scaling walls with very iffy ropes! I mean come on Jamie, ya gave that thing a tug…it HARDLY seemed stable but SURE…we’ll go down it and take the chance of rope burning your balls to charred bits.ropeburn2

Blowing up barrels o’ pitch & beating the hell out of redcoats with muskets…and bashing that smug nasty sunnuva whoseit face off the desk.  Now that’s entertainment folks!

The dialogue between the 3 was entertainment in itself. Captain Creepy was showing off his fetishes a bit “want him to join us?” “Umm pardon excuse me”  Claire showing off her big ole medicine balls by threatening to cut off his. Ha.  That girl, she will not go down without getting her own in will she? I must say the ass Captain, did seem like he was pulling on her hair a bit rough. Dude, this is TV…calm your nuts a bit. Cait needs that stuff- its a part of her character.

Take a lesson from Gilbert...lighten up
Take a lesson from Gilbert…lighten up

People have to constantly be reminded THIS IS TV. Why didn’t Jamie kill BJR right there and then?  Well…consider this. That would mean Captain Creepy’s story would be over.  He would then-  create no more havoc. THAT’S JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE. Sheesh. Wentworth knows there is SO much more havoc to be caused.

DUH!

I keep hearing on the interwebs “That didn’t happen in the books.”  “They left that out” and sadly it’s usually attached to a tirade of whining.hearye

Hear YE Hear YE! How bloody bored would we get if it were EXACTLY how it were in the books? Seriously? Those of us who know the books…and yes…really know the books. Read them a dozen times or more.  We have seen them in our minds o’er and o’er again. The novelty, my friends, would wear off really bloody fast. Another thing…they wouldn’t translate to TV as nicely as you would romanticize in your head. Let the professionals take care of it and shhhhhhhh. Enjoy it. Let the changes be something new and exciting to add to the story you fell in love with. Not a take away.  Perspective people.

fireworks

The fight between Jamie & Claire on the way to Leoch was perfect. The fire, the intensity, the way they got into each others faces. Just like real people do when they are at their breaking points. I loved the way Claire kept jumping in front of Jamie, forcing him to face her & when he finally snapped, spit flying in her face. I sang Murtaghs knock out song “THANK YOU” to the screen because they pulled it off.  Then…Snap. Crackle. Pop. Goes Jamie’s wee heart.  He vowed to protect her and he just lost his shit all over the place. The whole day came crashing down on him and so did his heart.  Sam really didn’t have to recite the lines, his face said most of his dialogue for him. Yup….guts….out. SPLATTOOIE!

cecille-splat-o

Forgiven. Well…for that lil transgression anyway. Claire isn’t really prepared for part 2.

The highlanders play “ignore the Sassenach”.  Not even looking at her- acknowledging her existence in anyway.  Dammit…just when she got in good with them – and ummmm…they did just save her life. Whateves…*sigh*

tolerate me

We all knew what was next.  We all wondered just how they would handle this little piece of the puzzle. Some hoped they wouldn’t show it, some couldn’t wait to see it. The truth is, we all have this little thing called a personal viewing filter. It is made up of life experiences. It is made up of our every day. It is made up of how we process & perceive things. It is there because of how our lives were shaped. Guess what? WE ARE ALL RIGHT! DUN DUN DUN! I can not for one second argue with someone that has been a victim of domestic violence that their viewpoint has no merit. I can not for one second argue with someone who has been a survivor of sexual assault and healed has no merit. It is pointless to argue with someone who has logical facts about time, personal accounts and realism on their side. I refuse to get into debates with people about time periods & punishments because frankly, this is a story.  A story that Diana Gabaldon wrote and now was being made into TV. This scene, and others to come, are intricate parts of said story.  I believe they handled this one beautifully.bow-70s

It showed Jamie’s determination. His logic for his actions. It shows Claire’s no bullshit, not going down without a fight attitude & the spirit of the scene was just that.  Take your personal filter out of it for a moment, if you dare – see it for what it was. Character building & story telling.  My favourite part of that scene was Claire backing up like a cat in a cornerca & of course binging things off of Jamie’s head. Girlfriend has a wicked arm! She would be my first pick in a fast ball tourney. No doubt.

Back at Castle Leoch you would think from the reception things would be awesome. Seriously, everyone needs a Mistress Fitzgibbons in their corner…don’t they? What a cheering section!

9fitz

Biggest WHOOHOOS alright. Next to Laoghaire’s *snicker*

Have that follow you around all day.  Make someone feel like a million guineas.   I have to say…Colum really turned out to be a fun sucker though.  You want a party pooper? Invite old TwisteyLegs McTwisterson to the festivities. He’ll do it quick like.

The politics in the episode swept me away! I really which Harper would take some ball growing lessons from old Colum. Dude might be shooting blanks but he sure knows how to grow ’em.  The Jacobite cause is an underlying catch in the first book- with much more in DIA so I loved how they made it such a bone of contention here. It really makes the storyline come off the pages. When Dougal went on his tirade and dropped the bomb…you know…YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER all Maury Povich up in the house! I was like “Damn Guuuurl!”

oh-no-you-didnt-29

Having that be a power struggle with the MacKenzie men & within the clan itself was Grade A MacKenzie Meat Sandwich. Make a donair outta that and bring me two! It gave Jamie some much needed time to develope as one whose strategizes & lets others make the moves. It was a very Laird-Like moment for him, aiding Colum in mending that crack in the armour with Dougal.

I have to just say Murtagh, every scene he is in. He steals it for me. Scene Thief! Sound the alarm. Especially in the wood when the boys were putting a pounding on WeeWillieWinkie…and Dougal asked them were they with him.Murtagh went and hocked a loogie. That was a resounding “Up yers” wasn’t it?

middle-finger-gif

That brings us down by the river. Another scene which I am SO glad they added, even if as the time I was the WTF?! The more I thought about it, the smarter I thought it was. Some see this as making Jamie weak.  Are you serious?  Some see it as making him less honourable? Ummmmm…you be cray cray. Laoghaire…came down to his “secret place”- basically told him she has been stalking him since she was 7. Ok. That’s a bit more than a crush.  Jamie KNOWS that he didn’t dismiss her affections all this time. He is aware he got himself into this mess. He now needed to get himself out.I'm_outta_here!

When girlfriend pretty much disrobes and put his hand on the top of her bewb (thats how he says it) – all of a sudden the Outlander fandome expects Jamie to turn into INSTADICK. That he would rip his hand away & proclaim his love for Claire & break her heart at the ready. Let’s not forget. Jamie, is a man. (Well he IS a character..but I am digressing)…bewbies are warm….they feel nice…and they tend to make men stop thinking. Why you say? Because most men can supply oxygen to one head at a time and it took him a moment to get the blood back to the one he needed to be thinking with, and he did. He was letting her down as gently as he could because…he is a man of honour. The one everyone wants him to be. It’s because everyone hates Laoghaire and thinks she a nasty wench…she had done nothing up to THAT point to say she was, except try to get the man that she loved to be with her. With that Jamie was being kind & caring. You know, the kind & caring Jamie everyone wants him to be – but because so many hate Laoghaire- they want him NOT to be kind & caring with her.fdup

Remember, Jamie hasn’t read the books.   All I can picture is fans all over the world screaming at poor Jamie…READ THE BOOK! You are supposed to be perfect you regular piece of shit human! *snort*

read the book

Can we have make up sex now? PUHLEASE?  Jamie going back to Claire & their room, contemplating how he was going to get back into her…good graces.  Dude. Is. Good.  I am glad he did a little soul searching, he became a man in that room. Admitting that his relationship with her meant more to him than everything he had been taught since he was a lad.  I did have to giggle when he said this about Colum though. “I saw a rigid man bend” I shouldn’t have laughed but…ummmm the guy is bending starting at the ankles, it was an analogy that just…you know…ok. I will stop.

If you are going to break a steely girl heart, a good way to do it is pull out your dirk…and swear your loyalty to her.

love

The dialogue that took place after, right before they got into the HOT HOT HOT sex was perfect. Him asking if she wanted to live separately, her admitting she probably should but that wasn’t the way of it, then them coming together. Slight pun intended here. The intimacy that was displayed was intense & yeah, I might have felt a little voyeuristic but in a really good way. spongebob

I have heard some say this scene was like soft porn. Ahem. Folks. No. GO pick up yourself some soft porn – I know soft porn – this ain’t it.  This is however GOOD TV SEX! I would much rather see our couple actually coupling rather than looking like they are a soap opera sliding into bed and rubbing 2 sticks together. That is NOT Jamie & Claire sex like I read it…to be perfectly honest with you, neither is what they showed me. What I read- is full on pornography…I have a FANTASTIC imagination. What they pulled off in this episode was flipping brilliant. It looked like actually make up  sex! I laugh that more people didn’t freak about Claire pulling the knife on Jamie & threatening to gut him while she was riding him.  This of course was perfect timing on her part because any man will promise anything during an intense sexual encounter such as this. “New house babe? Sure…just don’t stop!”  “That new ring…YES! How many carats!? Keep going!”  It’s a fantastic power position. Ladies, start your engines & get a grip, being sexually empowered is a MUST.

Making our way to the last dramatic *GASP*.

dramatic effect

LAOGHAIRE DUNDUNDUN

The illwish.  That Jamie didn’t know it was Laoghaire in the books made me think he was a few fries short of a happy meal (in the books) but with the extra scenes in the show…of course he would know and right away.  I loved the dramatic effect they threw in for the show. This is ALWAYS necessary – it’s a) fun for audience b) it makes the scene pop c) it shows peeps this is important.  To play it off as not a big deal…people would be whiney about that.

TV shows need triangles.  I am really looking forward to what they do with Laoghaire.  Nell Hudson is fantastic. The Colum/Dougal/Jamie thing is fantastic.  I must say all the added bits, as a book fan get me all revved up!  I KNOW the books! I love the books, but they are the books. This is something new. BRING IT ON.

je suis

SL- the AB-Ootiest of all ABOotlanders (that mean I have the biggest arse) 

Outlander Bedtime Stories – Droughtlanders in the Bedroom

I have been reading the Outlander books for over 20 yrs. Repeatedly. I have hardcover copies, tattered & well loved paper back copies, a kobo ebook with all the books & the audio books in my vehicle so I can listen to them wherever I go.

Which has made for some fun conversations with Diana Gabaldon on Twitter. Oh that woman is fun! DG n MEdg n me 2

You might say I have a problem…it’s that whole #cracklander dealio we first talked about in October.  You know something…I still have my teeth, I don’t get the shakes there are no open sores.  I might occasionally sweat a little bit – maybe I twitch but you have no idea how cute I look when I do it – so IT’S ALL GOOD!

My husband…my dear, sweet wonderful husband.  I have been with him for over 26 yrs, married going on 22.

Insert AWWWWW here We were always friggen adorable. Don’t mind the porn stach…it was the 80’s…we both regret it

He was never a friend of #JAMMF.  Just never liked him. Always saying his name in a high pitched whine. Jaaaaaaaammmiiiiiieeeeee! Referred to as my book boyfriend. The one who could do no wrong.

It was subtle. Annoying. A little funny at times as he really knew only little tidbits he saw on the back of a random book or heard what a friend & I  talking about over coffee w our SIGHING, Oooh Jamie’s & generally fangirling before we even knew what the hell fangirling was.

fangirls

It did however, look like this, even 20 years ago- at my kitchen table.

It was just a slight hate on and general discontent UNTIL…they announced…THE SHOW…and Jamie had a real live FACE. It was Sam Heughan bringing James Fraser to life. DUN DUN DUN! and…really….what a face. AMMIRIGHT?

He HAD said, many years ago…he refused to read the book but if they ever made it a TV show. He’d watch it…Fat chance I thought. Like that would ever happen. It would have to be EPIC. My first kitchen table girlfriend Brig (RIP Brig) & always said Jamie would have to be an unknown, a Scot, & preferably a theater actor…

Good Shudder

They went ahead and rang our bell 3 times! Ugh! *SQUIRREL*

SO HA! I got him.

*In his defense* The man, who is my husband, doesn’t read ANYTHING.  Ok…thats a lie, if it has glossy pages and hangs over the back of the toilet, he will take a minute or two.

This means, we watched.I was surprised he gave it chance. He loved it. Not just because of THE BENEFITS. He loved Claire, her character (he’s a dude, he likes her bewbs too, not gonna lie). Dougal…badass supreme…and once the series went on hiatus he hit the WTF happens next wall???

Well…I knew…he knew HOW I knew…and he knew I would read it again & he hates reading so…HE ASKED ME TO READ IT TO HIM! *THUD*  No way?  A dream come friggen true!  He wants me…to read my favourite story…to him…at night…before we fall asleep? Every night? What the who?

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

There have been many times I thought I hit the husband jackpot. Seriously. The dude is a chef. He does laundry. Brings me coffee in the mornings. Washes dishes. Rubs my feet & I don’t even spend a lot of time on the suckers… This was the million dollar spin my people…the million dollar mutherstinkin spin! All because he can’t stand not KNOWING! He knew the info was out there in the form of a book, a really big book. If it looked like this…playboysthat would be a maybe for on his own but it doesn’t so it became our little bedtime ritual. I didn’t realize how entertaining he was going to be.  When we got to Dragonfly in Amber (which we are 34% through now)  I started hashtagging it on twitter. #Outlander #bedtimestories for anyone that might be interested.

I am going to flash back a bit here to show you a little of what the late night reads of Outlander sounded like…

“Wait…Dougal has hair?” “What colour is rustit?”  Apparently…understanding the TV & my reading is just as easy…russet…not rustit…I still had to explain what colour russet was too. It’s that same colour as rustit if you are curious. You will get about 50 different shades if you hit the google when you look for russet…look up rustit, you are on your own. Russet

“Jelly is just as freaky in the book” Jelly is what he calls Geillis – if you didn’t catch that on your own.

“Ok. I knew why you were hot for Jamie when I watched him in the show but this lady writes him like a GOD! Who can compete with that?” Oh babe…you can. When I close my eyes. Heehee. My man does dishes & laundry. Huge score.

I find it highly annoying that my man figures things out in the read. Like people don’t really die. I was always shocked when someone popped up later in the book. Him, when you hear of their death, he says something like “Yep RIGHT! Bet they come back! That lady (DG) seems like she likes to mess with peoples heads!”

When we got to Wentworth things got uncomfortable.  Hubs knew the outcome of what BJR did to Jamie. He used to tease my friends and I all the time. His lame attempts to make Jamie seem less masculine. “He gets it in the bum you know? Right!?”

In the where!?

In the where!?

Yeah… I never said he was the most mature ok?

That was his way of emasculating this book hero that he was jealous of. It became his “go to line”.

But…no…not butt. But, work with me people.

It was bedtime story time.  Claire found Jamie. I was shocked at his reaction. He cried. My husband.

Shhhh 'sok

Shhhh ‘sok

He cried when Claire left him behind. I always cried & he went ahead & cried along with me “There’s something in my eye. It’s Claire. God, Diana is good. This part is gonna be tough to watch for real.” For REAL! He said for real. These characters have become real for him. The lump in my throat became a physical thing I had to swallow.

*GULP*

I was a little surprised when he didn’t blink that Claire killed a wolf. WITH her bare hands. “Yeah…Claire killed a wolf. Now if she’d been drinking like she always does..she would have become kibble, tasty kibble, whisky kibble.” Point made.

30000084908

He knew what was coming next & all joking was aside, well maybe not all…guys gotta remain macho. “I don’t think I shoulda ate those chicken wings, my belly is a bit shaky.” “Marley – dude- you are givin me an innie.”  & the forever famous “How am I ever supposed to get a boner again after hearing you read this stuff?”

tear

No. More. Boners.Ever.

We got through Wentworth with more than a few “Holy shits” “Htf can someone even THINK of that kinda stuff to write it down?” & “I don’t even know if I can kiss your damn mouth after you said those gnarly things. “Jackie must not have been breast fed. Or loved. Ever.By anyone…was he left in a haystack by a pack of monkies?” He likes to call BJR Jackie. It is his way to emasculate HIM now.

It made me giggle when he asks to see the book jacket. “Let me see your book. I need to see who wrote this stuff again! Her? She doesn’t look like a twisted sicko…she looks sweet.Whats up with that?”

diana_gabaldon_2009

She does look sweet does’t she? *wink*

Rescuing Jamie was a high point for him. He of course KNEW that would happen (as he reminded me OVER & OVER & OVER again) as I had 7 other books on my shelves. Who the hell did I think was the hero in those? DERP!

What kinda idiot did I think he was anyway?

idjut

Let’s not answer that right now.

However, the use of cows was a pretty “crazy ass” thing to do…and even though Dougal is one of his favourite characters in both Book & in the TV show, hubcycle mentioned numerous times he was extremely disappointed in the douche move of not helping Claire out in the rescue attempt.  Saying he missed out on some huge possible “cop a feel” points if Jamie was stuck there a while.

disapo

Dougal, you have let him down…so sad

He thinks if HE was Dougal, he would have (copped a feel is MY guess). So he made sure I knew that he hopes Ron fixes that. For the record, I think he believes he is most like Dougal. More because he thinks I am most like Geillis (It must be the bat shit crazy and that they like to bang boots).

He was a fan of the hand setting. All of the “cool & groady” comments clinched it &  he really enjoyed McRannoch. He however was not a fan of the “Crisco bum” moment as he called it. For him, some things are better left unimagined. He really would rather not think about that any more than he had to.

No can commute.Delete now.

No can compute.Delete now.

Hubilicious wondered out loud if they will change the soldier that Claire kills from a 16 yr old boy to a young man…you know so all the ladies won’t get their panties turned inside out. Don’t get your panties turned inside out because I recounted his thoughts verbatim.  We both know THAT is going to be hard to watch too if they stay with that little fact. One of those things that make you go…hmmmm. Reading it is one thing…seeing it. Another.

The Abbey was hard enough for me to read on my own all 20 times I had done it.

drowning

The first time I have ever read it out loud to someone I love. THAT was tough. It was quiet. Intense. Raw. Intimate. He cried. Again. These characters have struck a chord in him.  He feels for them & with him. “You’re tearin my guts out. He said that right?”

Yeah. He did.

Until next time.

SL  ABOotlander gal

FAILANDER! Resolutions gone horribly wrong in the world of Outlander.

Naturally, us Heughliots can’t let any kind of event pass without throwing in our twisted two cents.  Even though we don’t use pennies in Canada anymore. We don’t, we ain’t lyin’…Google that.

2012-Canadian-Penny-and-Circulation-Roll

Who really makes resolutions that  don’t turn into disasters? Yeah…that’s exactly what we thought too. SO, why should our larger-than-life, super awesome characters in Outlander be any different right? RIGHT?

Yeah…let’s get this puck on the ice!

Type as fast as ya think!

Let’s start with everyone’s favourite villain. BJR. Big Jerk Randall.

badbjr

He thought he would try to be a better person. Thought he could go that extra mile to be a kinder, gentler soul. He thought he could be more personable. My mother *Rest her Soul* used to have a saying. “You thought you farted but you shit yourself.”  That is about right for BJR and his resolution. JUST you wait and dig into our next 8 episodes! You will almost wish Droughtlander lasted a little longer when you see some of this stuff!

goodguyfail

#GoodGuyFAIL

Claire. Our sweet soberphobic, getting ClaireDrunk, always with the check liver meter…Claire.

claire booze

Naturally she thought it would be a good idea to lay off the booze. Ha…ha…hahahahaha!

Oh lawd...that's rich. RICH I tell ya

The liquor refill light went on after about 15 minutes. The poor lassie was sank…sunk…drunk.

#EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

       #EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

You wouldn’t think a witch would want to give up anything would you? However, Geillis was finding herself a bit too dependent on the herbs. She does not get that crazy ass look in her eye for no reason people.

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

C’mon! That lasted about as long as Arthurs next bout of flatulence – she had to use something to clear the air. It was the most potent kind of smoke around.

buzzfail

#BuzzFAIL

Iona McTavish. No she wasn’t a major player in the Outlander world but you all know how important she is to us.  This lady resolved to get a new damned dress for the next gathering. How insulting of Mrs.Fitz!diana fitz Then she realized, SHE still fit into HER dress. HA! She would show them (Read, Mrs.Fitz)  and STILL fit into it at the NEXT gathering as well. BEASTLY woman!

#FEKITNotaFAIL

#FEKITNotaFAIL

Everyone loves them some good ole Rupert. Rupert is cuddly, soft, bearded, Angus’ best friend and Dougal’s right hand man. He wants to be more independent though. Wants to explore the world of Rupert. Find himself.

That’s Right.

Damned if he ended up under yet another juicy hen though. He doesn’t seem to mind. It is his happy place!

#GetLuckyFAIL

#GetLuckyFAIL

Our Dougal vowed to try and make his way out of Doucheville this year. Hmmmm.  We admit, with all the punching out his friends and hitting on his new niece-in-law, he was getting fair comfortable there. The start of his resolution he went on a wee trip out of Doucheville. However, we are afraid he took a wrong turn and ended up in Arseton.

Look out for holes Dougal!
Look out for holes Dougal!

 

#DIRECTIONFAIL

#DIRECTIONFAIL

The beasts are never safe with Angus around.

They shake in his presence. He decided that enough was enough. He would be sure  to stay outta the barns and leave them to their feed. Instead..he ended up too far into his cups one eve and found himself some bigger boots to hold ’em still…sheep

Yes, it must be why zippers were invented. So the wee beasties could hear them comin’…

OMFAIL

#OldMacDonaldFAIL EiEiOOOOOOOO

 

Laoghaire. We aren’t going to play the mean girl card and call her leghair or lo’whore or any of those other mean names people call her…SO rude!

She is just one failed resolution after another failed resolution. Since she was a wee hussy…I mean lassie. She has vowed to get tapped by JAMMF, why should this year be any different?  She resolved to do the same. Yet, she asked for help from the wrong herbnerd didn’t she? Ended up with a handful of horseshit.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

She will keep trying though…stay tuned. Grumble Grumble.

#StinkyFAIL

#StinkyFAIL

We have gotten used to Mrs Fitz stealing the screen. Whether it’s greeting the boys when they return home, telling men of the cloth where to put their holy water, insulting great authors, or smacking errant visitors around (dream sequences or no – that shit freaked a lot of people out! It’s funny NOW)

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

She has obviously resolved to rule with an iron fist. We’d say she has done it – maybe she’ll try an iron pot next.

We do hope you realize that there are a lot of viewers with heart conditions or that are just wound extra tight (View most FB groups, it will take you seconds to spot them)…let’s not do anymore of that crazy stuff again. Stay the hero aye? I’m not sure WHO I’m talking to anymore…either way…that’s a random.dsw

 

Poor, Poor Jamie. His resolution is all about self preservation. JAMMF is really tired of getting his arse whooped. I mean wouldn’t you be? Go picking hay, run back to the house, get your ass whooped. Go to hall to watch…get your ass whooped. Sit around a fire eating some dinner, get your ass whooped. Go to prison…super get get your ass wholloped.

Don't you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

Don’t you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

He just wants to stop getting his ass handed to him whenever he turns around. BUT BUT BUTT.…He doesn’t get very far does he, the wee bugger?

Everyone has to wait for Wentworth to see….that’s a

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

There is the man that it all started with Frank Randall, he is the resolution king!  He is firm in his belief he WILL find his wife. She is out there somewhere.  He has beat himself up so much this year over her loss. Should he have paid more attention to her? She did, after all, disappear from right under his nose…he sure liked having her under his nose. He looked downtown and he looked uptown…He would not stop looking!frank

 

Oh Frank. This is NOT your year buddy. Just saying, and I don’t think things are gonna get much better. For a while. SPOILER. We are supposed to say that first aren’t we? Nuts.

#SearchFAIL

#SEARCHFAIL

 

Just so you are aware. There is no way I am making any resolutions. I am far too smart for that. I don’t set myself up for failure.

What us Heughliots do…we try our very best to be better people than we were yesterday…and we do that, everyday.

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don't mind. RAWR

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don’t mind. RAWR

We think that is the answer to having a better year. See? We aren’t just pretty faces. We are pretty friggen smart too!

What do you all think? Yes…of us being smart. No, ya wankers. Of resolutions or not…

This has been brought to you by us!

SL, Heughliot @Large

and the Grand Poobah  tlmfarmgirl with lots of support and a dram from @janzen77– she’s the pretty one.

Singing the Droughtlander Blues. Christmas Carol style.

BAHAHA…drowning sorrows. NOT really. We are having a blast with our Droughtlander. I mean how cool is it that everyone is using the term that made its debut here? Not surprising really. Bloody witty bunch are we.

I was wrapping presents when I thought about this #HeughliFUN pic I did of Angus. I love this guy, no teeth and everything. Except when he gets road rage. That’s not attractive…I digress.

Angus smile

and thought to myself…”Self…(yes…what else would I call myself? Yes, crazy bitch, but at that moment I wasn’t feeling as rude as you are right now…so back off eh?) Self…what other Outlander characters could you make #HeughliFUN pics in relation to Christmas.”  Well, let’s just say…the ideas started flying out of my head. So wrapping stopped. SEE how it stopped!

wrapSince I have AOD= Attention Outlander Disorder. It’s an effin thing o.k.???  Just like we made Droughtlander a thing…we are making AOD a thing. Deal with it.  I jumped from the wrapping…and not like rapping…I’m a very white Canadian girl, I really should never do that. Like ever.

nerd-rapping-gif-UQDP

nerdy Canadian rapping…shhhh yer lips

Thinking of some of my favourite Christmas carols & it is so easy to picture my favourite Outlander characters with them.

My late mother loved the song “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”  Ironic huh?  Well of course now…I’m thinking this year anyway…Claire! She sure isn’t going to be but…I suppose it’s because I go to the place in my head with this song, huh?

Outlander 2014

Yep Claire…right there. Home.

Who else for Deck The Halls but Rupert…who literally decks people in halls? It was redumbdiculously obvious wasn’t it? I liked it fine.

rupertdeck

He has the cutest “Imma punch you in the mouth” face.

Singing can sometimes be bloody uncomfortable. Especially when we are deep into our cups. WE think we sound freaking fabulous…when in reality we sound much like ass. The song sounds a little like “What Child is THIS?” eh Hamish? See foot…insert mouth. DERP!

hamish

We have Away in A Manger. Jamie sleeps in one right? Claire goes and trips over his sorry hide in Episode 4. Comparing Jamie to Jesus…its a bit much but if you spend ANY time on social media at all…you’ve seen it. Don’t even pretend.

inamanger

Now don’t any prudes get their panties in a game of twister. This shit is funny right here. O Come O Come Emmanuel. You all better know where I am going with this one right here. It made me snort. Like snort, snort. Jamie had one helluva night on the Wedding episode. Yes, so did Claire but you know when you are the student – the MIND BLOWN moments were kinda awesome!

ouchie o

You know who is having a Blue Christmas? This GUY! Poor ole Frankmeister. Left alone to drown in his own sorrows.

blue christmas

He does have his own tribe of admirers though. Tobias’s Tribe. Lover’s of Frank. We have a few in our Heughliots group. Karen. She’s got it bad. Tobias fever. We thought about getting her fixed but we like her fine.

I know Christmas Carols have some lovely meaning to them, religious and deep. I want you all to remember, this blog. Isn’t. Its fun and shallow. Like a kiddie pool, without the pee. Please, don’t pee on the blog.

One of my FAVE parts of the show is when those boys, and yes, I call them boys are being boys. Rupert & Angus, the shinty game & of course when Dougal of all people is acting like a 12 yr old boy to get a laugh. This brings me to my next carol. Go Tell it on the Mountain!

tellit on the mountain

Really this is the concept of non-evolution at its best. Men. They still do this. Hell…so do women. It’s called ENJOYING LIFE. Bewbies. They can be funny. Deal with it.

I refuse to end this fun without my favourite “I hate this guy” Mr.Creepy McCreeperson Nasty General Dual Face UGH! Randall. Of course his carol is simple. Mr.GRINCH!

Oh this carol suits you BJR…Big Jerk Randall.

bjrclaire

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel,
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch,
Your heart’s an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch,
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch,
Given a choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch,
You’re the king of sinful sots,
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch,
With a nauseous super “naus”!,
You’re a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk”!

Yes, I know Diana has said she is BJR. I like to think she isn’t the part that puts a knife to the nipple of helpless women and goes flaccid when they stand up to her. Well..wait a second. I don’t think she CAN be that part *wink*

That wraps up our Christmas Carols meet Outlander. Oh CRAP…WRAP…OMG…I have so much wrapping left to do. Why the hell do you people let me get so distracted? Yes. Your fault!

You all are not good for me. Just saying.

squirrel-up-dog-gif

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Celebrate your Holiday with as much love and joy as humanly possible. If you are another species…then, have at ‘er!

With LOVE and AWESOMEBALLS,

SherryLynn & all of the other Heughliots

Cheers!

We are takin’ on Both Sides Now. MidSeason cut off…the television version of pulling out too soon

gross-sobbing

I’m pulling a Claire and grabbing the booze. I just need to cry…drink it out.

It simply didn’t last long enough. It was like Jamie’s first time…good enough for them – we are left wanting.

Even though Showcase did their part and dragged it out for us. You know, for all the bitching and moaning I did, we got 2 extra weeks (because we started 2 weeks later) and we got 4 hours more (granted it was all commercials but it was more). Canadians are collectively sitting around their furnaces and praying to the Natural Gas gawds that the return in April is at the same time Starz returns! April 4th. April 4th!

WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE. Can ya take a subtle hint per chance

WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE. Can ya take a subtle hint per chance?

We rallied the troops for the midseason finale- which happened to be Thanksgiving Sunday. We live tweet with fellow Canadians using a hashtag I started the first week Outlander premiered in Canada –  #OutlanderCAN. Our fellow CrackLander sisters from all over the world who are going through withdrawls, joined us.

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Even Caitriona Balfe stopped by for a tweet and some favouriting. She is incredibly gracious. We really love her.

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Her tweet helped us trend in Canada. It was pretty exciting considering we were up against the all and powerful The Walking Dead. (Which I also love…but its like comparing Scots n Zombies…you just…can’t)

 

We beat Thanksgiving…that was pretty cool! I got this  pic from Outlander Pal  Alicia Prevost

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See that? Right there? AHEAD of The Walking Dead…premiere night for them. Yeah…that’s right…a BIG DAMN DEAL!

I always get distracted…so I guess I should talk about the last episode eh? It was pretty friggen phenominal. There was a lot of Frank tonight, which I know many book readers have issues with and I must say 3 little words to you. Get-over-it. Canadians aren’t always sweet natured. Reference the Canadian goose, they are real assholes.

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Truth is, I completely see the value of this portion of the visually told story. This is all stuff that “could have” been happening in the book but since the whole book is from THE Claire viewpoint….TADA…we didn’t see it did we? Nooooooo…this is really very clever.  I respect the transition and the extra OOOMPH they gave Frank.

Like we said in our 10 Outlandish Things we are Thankful For blog. They went and made us LIKE the guy! (Yes Karen et al, we know you always liked Frank…shhh now…you are distracting me again)

So the opening sequence of this episode didn’t irritate me. It made me feel for the guy. PoliceMan Dan had to get his drink on to deal with Frank…apparently he has been a super hemorrhoid to the whole operation. It must be terribly irritating for Frank…you know,  being smarter than everyone around you and having to clue them into that fact. Tiring being so bloody intelligent. I should know.

I love how Policeman Dan just keeps sipping his whisky flavoured tea…getting ready to go into ragemode times two. Frank poked the bear and the bear poked back. Talk about a pissing contest. Policeman Dan won that round though because Frank left looking like his wife had disappeared through some stones – I dunno 200 yrs and fallen in love with a highlander or somethin.

And POOF…there we are…back in 1743…and it is pissin out. SO rainy. Like don’t listen too close or you will have to pee rainin out. We are on a hill while Jamie n Claire have some major and I mean MAJOR hand sex. Boy…those two played the eye sex into the ground in the earlier episodes, well now…they have that, put the hand sex on top of it, and you have a new kinda Subway sandwich. I don’t have to explain the special sauce to you.

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They have a moment, where we see that Claire is falling for this young man. He wonders if what he is feeling for her is normal..you know…cuz she is super experienced with all the men – she tells him “No way hoser…this is different than all the other times in my life when the boys came to my yard. Afterall, there are no milkshakes here.”

THEN…*Whoosh* an arrow comes in their yard. Surely if it wanted to hit them, it would have but Jamie goes into panther mode and tackles Claire and stealthily crawls over to the arrow and recognizes it like an old friend. Those arrows must have dimples & red curls just like him. This character jumped straight off the pages into my heart…and he did EXACTLY the same thing in the show. What a treat! It was like a box of smarties in the guise of Hugh Monro!

smarties

I love the foreshadowing. I love they used Hugh FOR the foreshadowing of the second season when he gave Claire the Dragonfly in Amber. It was such a great moment and you could see Claire fall in love with Hugh right then too. It was so friggen SWEET. Let’s not forget though, he isn’t just there to be our window dressing, he has some important shit to tell…which is not the easiest thing when you have no tongue. Turkish bastards who cut it out…Long story short, Hugh has had a rough damn go of it but now…he has a license to beg…surely that makes it all better eh? ANYWAY… It takes Jamie a few tries but he deciphers the clues that Hugh has given him and gathers what he has to mumble. There is this guy with 2 big balls who can get the price off of Jamie’s head. It HAS to be that easy doesn’t it?

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Hugh gets some loving from Claire, see…another boy in her yard…That girl.

Jamie then tells her he might get to go home and take her with him… to be Lady Lallybroch – and the sighs went down around Canada then.

gonna be a lady

We do a whole lot of Happy Claire…Sad Frank in this episode.

We are now in the Reverends study with the Reverend going over all these things that could have happened to Claire…one sounding stupider than the last…her falling through time is WAY more logical dude. Accept it.

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Even Frank is getting a wee bit pissy with the Reverend and his ideas when suddenly things and Frank couldn’t get any sadder…the cutest little boy you ever laid your eyes on comes in the room with Mrs. Graham.  Its wee Roger!  Now Frank sees everything he has lost…his wife & his future. *BAWLING* and OMG I want to squeeze that little boys cheeks so hard they pop!

I admit it. I watched The Walking Dead last night too. But I don't wanna eat wee Roger up THAT way. That's gross.

I admit it. I watched The Walking Dead last night too. But I don’t wanna eat wee Roger up THAT way. That’s gross.

I had to also accept the fact that they gave me this cute and adorable lil fraggle for Roger …but I know that given their penchant for casting hot, want to rip their kilts off sexy men…that wee Roger won’t be so wee in Season 2…and well…I will be wanting to do dirty things to him. I felt just a little uncomfortable – for a second. I have very little couth. You know, thought I would tell you in case you had no observation techniques.

Frank decided to go to Claire’s school of dealing with shit. He ends up at a bar. Brits and Canadians have that in common too 😉

Here comes some chick named Sally – really- she says she knows where “he” is. I smell a trap…must be the same one they set in that smoking ashtray.smoking ashtray trick

So the trap has been laid for the would be “professor” that actually is a military intelligence officer..so yeah…you think he might be expecting to get jacked?

We have to wait to see because we jump back to the 18th century where is it Rupert Rooms story time. Everyone sitting by the fire listening to Rupert talk about the Waterhorse of the loch.  MagicMirror

If you listen closely you will hear him talk about waterweed and the like. Many tips of the hat to the books in this little portion, so as much bitching as there was for the bits left out, there were many popped in for our enjoyment.

Jamie & Claire’s handsex moments carried on, right there in front of everyone. Can you imagine. Then…dun dun dun…things started happening! Horses got all freaked, men started pulling out their weapons but “not” pulling out their weapons. Rupert kept telling his story while getting ready to leap. It was Scottish Ninja time –

scottish ninjas tweet-they knew they were about to be attacked but were going to get the jump on the punks. Plus Bear McCreary put in the bagpipes so you KNOW someone is gonna get an ass kickin…Highland style. I don’t know about anyone else but…damn…those screaming, yelling, sword n dirk weilding kilted men get me all hot n bothered when they are beating up people.  THAT’S how the UFC should be, in the dark, in the mud, in kilts…mmmmm…yeah. Now THAT’S hot!

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*Fans Self*

They ran off those Grants good! Ned saved the day…night…by shooting one of them in the shoulder. Ned…wow boyo! All the while protecting the books and didn’t even drop a page.  That man has talent. Someone get him a hoooooor for the night! He deserves it.

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They all feel pretty friggen good after their victory! Who wouldn’t, they had the WTH just happened looks on their faces…then HILL-HAIRY-TEES ensued!

If you didn’t catch it, Jamie called Claire my love when he took her in his arms afterwards. BIG FAT JUICY SIGHS all around.

THEN cut to Frank again…they really are doing a trip on me here.  It is like AHHHHH Everything is awesome Everything is Awesome…BOOM…SADFACEEMOJICON! Like I don’t feel I am crazy enough – they do this to my feels.

crazyshake

Naturally, Frank comes prepared for the trap that was laid down for him. He had a glimmer of hope of course or he wouldn’t have shown up but he did…and little Sally ducked off to the corner while 2 guys jump him. Frank pulls out a – guess? Guess what it is? Its a weapon…it has a name…its a, yup, its a black jack club. Nice! Subtle and pretty clever once again.  Frank goes into black jack mode actually, taking it a bit over board in the beating department.  We get a bit of a glimpse of his ancestor there don’t we? He rounds on lil ms. Sally when she stops him- almost strangled the livin stupid out of the woman. When he came to his senses. Knowing damn well the highlander didn’t exist.

Reverend Wakefield tries to let Frank know that sips from the mug of evil are ok…just don’t take any big gulps or your done for. He figures if he stays…he’s hooped. Time to move on now. All of their sleuthing has come up with nothing so obviously Claire skipped town with the highlander guy. Off you go now!

We go back again to the charming fun Highlanders. Rupert gives us the 18th century version of “That’s what she said” and yes…I snorted. They are bonding and showing Claire the love, wanting her to be protected if it comes down to it – so you know that’s foreshadowing- dammit! But lets enjoy this scene while we can because it is quite a lot of fun. Angus, the wiley wee bugger is a great teacher so he is the one in charge of showing Claire how to use her wee sticker.

professor angus

Laughs and joyfulness during the teaching then BOOM..back to sad Frank. ERMERGERD Ron D Moore. You really are putting us through the ringer this time. fistin

Its like a bloody great hockey game. Back n forth. Back n Forth! I can’t get enough of it. Boom we are back in the wet heather with Jamie and Claire getting super hot n heavy. Being ADORKABLE as always. Talking about how he feels like god himself…lol…loved that line from the book and glad they used it. Cait played this part so well. Giggling, yet still remaining intimate and attached. I felt like a voyeur, watching them like that. I didn’t want to turn away but I could definitely imagine myself backing up and focusing in with the binoculars if I had to. Can’t. Get. Enough.

so much secks

aaaaaaaand…of course, just when things are getting most awesome – CLICK- You hear a hammer being drawn back. Then you see a barrel come into focus and the faces of our two lovers go from ecstasy to terror because some bloody deserter from the redcoats and his mate decide this of all moments is the perfect one to ruin someones day!

They tear Jamie off Claire and start in on them both. Claire is more than terrified, Jamie is both terrified and pissed right off. Not a great combination. The problem is, these arrogant redcoats think this is going to be easy pickings. Little do they know that Claire has gotten lessons how to stick a prick recently.  One of the nasty lil twerps jumps on her to rape her and she goes into quiet, think this through and gut the little arsewipe mode. Because this is the LAST thing the other idiot expects, he is caught off guard and Jamie takes like ZERO seconds to react and turns him into a human PEZ dispenser. This guy now has a flip top head.

These are the moments when having commercials makes me go just a TAD postal. Yes. I understand the necessity. Yes. I know this is not Starz and Showcase shows commercials so we get them…but we get a hell of a LOT of them. A half an hours worth of them and pretty much the same ones. When they come at times like this well I don’t really care the TV can’t hear or see me, I’m flippin it the bird.

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Commercial breaks smamercial breaks.Pft!

It is in this moment, Jamie throws the deadcoat off Claire, gathers her into his arms and runs up the hill to fetch a pail…ummm…to comfort her.

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Mrs. Graham has had enough of listening to this hogwash bullshit that the reverend has been spouting about Claire living in a cave eating frogs and thinks Frank ought to hear HER hogwash bullshit that frankly is the truth! He overhears them and is all like “You guys talking about me?”  Mrs. Graham gets all cocky and says…”Yeah cuz there are tonnes of other guys whose wives went up into the stones, lets have a spot of tea while I tell you a tale of the wee folk. It might sound kookey but you know deep down it’s easier to bite down on than her up and leaving for some random dude in a kilt aye? aye?”

She goes on and on and Frank just stares at her, Through her. He is thinking “Lady, you are touched in that head of yours” and part of him kinda looks like he wants to pull out that black jack of his again. He is a gentleman though and just gets up and says …Ok enough cray cray in this town. I’m out…Oh and because you can’t feel sad enough, we are going to grab you with some great big sad wee Roger baby eyes.

sadbabyeyes

You can’t look at me without seeing your future slipping away can you sir?

We cut back to Claire & Jamie on the hill, him begging for forgiveness. Calling her my love, in Gaelic, he is angry at himself for allowing her to be mishandled, she is going into shock and repeating over and over its ok, she is going into shock. Ummmm, I don’t know lots about shock but if you are going into it, I’m thinking…you aren’t really alright. The other men show up because they heard the shot and they tell Jamie, after this, there is no way that he is going to meet that english deserter on his own. No way!

This is the moment in time that I say…DAMN that girl can ACT! Yes, Tobias is awesome, Sam is amazing, Graham kicks ass, Grant & Steven rock…but Caitriona – she is…mind blown Straight up. She goes from being attacked, killing a dude, being swept up, going into shock and then…being down right pissed off with the world…and it all comes off as seemlessly as a hoooooor’s skirts. Jamie lets her know she has to stay behind with babysitter Willie while he goes to his meeting with the others. She burns him good saying she has made it quite apparent she can take care of herself. Girls do that, right below the belt…and let’s face it, when your wearing a kilt, pretty easy to grab onto the fellas and give a twist.

The next few scenes are absolutely riveting TV! Frank is driving back to Oxford but he takes a wee detour up to Craigh Na Dun.  Willie has to go for a poop so Claire, is left alone, she starts wandering when…BOOM…Craigh Na Dun. We get visuals of Frank on one side of the rocks….Claire rushing up the other side of the rocks.  Frank then calls out Claire’s name in desperation…and GUESS WHO HEARS HIM? Not just us…nope nope nope…Claire, who is 200 years in the past…HEARS him and starts screaming back…he hears her too. The next few moments are some of the coolest we have seen, heard & felt.

frank feels

 

Then Claire reaches up for the stones, you think…maybe…(But no you really don’t because most of you read) and those bloody redcoats grab onto her!  Seriously…the bitching and moaning I heard about them not doing the near drowning scene with Claire. Let me remind you 1) adaptation 2) Cait is a real live person that would have to act that out, and if you haven’t noticed, they do things really authentically and I’m am thinking, any body of water would have frigid ass water in it. 3) adaptation.  The way they did it was brilliant.  I laughed at one comment “The redcoats just came out of the blue.”  Sort of the same way they did in the book. Sort of the same way they did a few minutes earlier. This is also from Claire’s point of view, she was pretty focused on those rocks wasn’t she?  Probably wouldn’t see the redcoats either…even when or IF they were there. Let your brains breath people – they will feel better and enjoy the show MUCH more when you do.

The scene of Frank going down one portion of the hill and Claire getting dragged down the other. Yep. That.

Claire knows who is at the end of her journey, she knows where she is going…they are following the map to CreepyTown. *sigh*

Map

 

 

Claire & BJR always play their game of cat & mouse. This time Claire decides to use her bit of info on him, that the Duke of Sandringham is his lil buddy. This shocks him enough he spits out his drink

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Then Claire…does what Claire does best. She get cocky. Starts telling him “You better just keep your big mouth shut, the duke wouldn’t like it very much if you exposed me…blah blah blah.

And the mouse…gets caught…again. Claire falls into the trap of BJR. He mentions how if she is a secret agent of the duke, she has GOT to be a secret agent of the duchess…Claire is like DUH…of course butthead.  So now…lets go through our desk drawer where MOST folk have staplers and pens…this crazy effer has oh…ROPE! Magic Jack. Wonder where he will pull a bunny out of next time!?

This is where shit gets ugly. She tries to take off but the little corporal is no Mountie and he offers her zero protection…ooooh he may be part Canadian, he did say he was sorry before handing her back over to the sick bastard. This is where BJR makes one monumental mistake “No matter what you hear…don’t you come back.”  But we won’t know how bad that is till later…oh in about 6 MONTHS!

She screams, good and loud because now, she knows what this guy is capable of. He rips off her clothes, grabs her by the hair and slams her onto his desk getting ready to force her into all sorts of evilness.

Suddenly – BANG! Someone threw open the sash…the bat signal got sent! There is JAMIE! Hunkered down in the windowsill with a musket aimed at BJR. Jamie…always the gentleman says “I’ll thank you to take your hands OFF my WIFE.”

 

 

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Goes to Crazy Jack face…love seeing that stunned SHOCK on his face…Claire’s face thinking…Ummm yep…left it a little late but THANK PETE but boy this is going to get cold n tiresome laying splayed across this desk for the next 6 months.  Jamie too…stuck in the windowsill, looks like its cold n rainy out there, he might get a leg cramp.

But for reals, Jem spent what? 5 yrs in a tunnel? Surely these guys can handle 6 months in these precarious positions…the tough part is for US FANS!.  Not U.S. fans US..us…one word. All of us.

I really hope that Showcase can manage to show the rest of the episodes in succession along with our American counterpart. That would be lovely of them to do.

I do believe we have shown them we can bring up the excitement level for them. #OutlanderCAN was started by us Heughliots at the start of episode one…it’s kinda caught on, and may I mention again…it trended!?

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#3 – That’s right…you see it.

 

Don’t worry, we aren’t going to disappear over the hiatus. Our crazy doesn’t burn out that easy!

 

SL   Heughliot @ Large