The Doctor is IN! Outlander Anatomy gets the LOVE.

We have featured Beth & Connie – we are at it again.

Next up in our #ABOotlanderLOVE spotlight —  You know her…you love her…you feel smarter after you read one of her blog posts, so you make sure to read more of them.  She is as warm as she is intelligent.  That is why we keep going back to OUTLANDER ANATOMY.

It was no surprise when I asked my fellow admins in the ABOotlander group who they wanted to see featured, her name was brought up loud and clear.  Again, when I tweeted to our followers who they thought was a positive influence in the fandom…dozens responded with OutlanderAnatomy.  I am going to call her Dr.Karmen for the remainder of the blog as to protect her brand and to keep my carpel tunnel from kicking in.

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I was so pleased that she accepted our invite to step into the spot light & share with us some behind the blog aspects of what makes her tick.

My introduction to the world of Outlander came via my daughter. She had read all the big books (in less than a summer) and invited me to join the party. I kept saying no, I didn’t have the time and, anyway, I wasn’t interested in time-travel novels. She kept at it for a year… “Mom, you must read these books!” Finally, in early 2014, I yielded. By the time I arrived at Jamie’s dislocated shoulder, I was in – hook, line, and sinker! Since then, I have read the eight big books, at 8-10 times each.  –  And the lesson is, it sure pays off to nag. Well done Rebecca- We salute you!

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Dr.Karmen’s blog is incredibly interesting and so unique – I wanted to know what inspired her to start it.

I began my blog in October 2014, after watching early episodes of Outlander S.1. About that time, my daughter said, “Mom, have you considered writing an anatomy blog that incorporates Outlander?” No, I hadn’t thought of that. So, my daughter is to blame for getting me reading and writing the language of Outlander.  –  This daughter, is a keeper. We owe her a huge debt of gratitude. CHEERS Rebecca!

Fan to fan, we wonder if Dr.Karmen had experienced one of those momentous occasions that makes your heart pound just a little extra- sure enough – she had.

My most memorable fan encounter was meeting Diana Gabaldon in October of 2014, at Fort Vancouver, WA. I was first in line for her autograph, handed her my book, and waited while she searched a bag. I asked her if she needed a pen and offered her mine.  She pulled out a rolled container, opened it, and presented an array of every type of pen needed for autographing different surfaces. Of course, I laughed at myself, Herself would come prepared!

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I find all Outlander Anatomy lessons fascinating.  They teach me things I had no bloody clue about, they give me insight & extra tidbits of info but I don’t feel stupid while I read them. Pretty incredible.  I wondered if Dr. Karmen had any personal favourites in her collection? (I double dog dare ya to guess mine, you cheeky buggers)

Thank you for the lovely compliment about my blog. Oh, dear, this is a hard one because I learn from every lesson. Perhaps my favorite is always the last lesson I write, not only because I must thoroughly review the anatomy but because I strive to present the topic in a way that is accessible to all. Although some of my readers have biology backgrounds, many do not, and I feel compelled to direct my lessons to folks who lack anatomic experience. My latest, is the first of a series about the gastrointestinal system: Anatomy Lesson #44, “Terrific Tunnel – GI System, Part 1.”

My first lesson, Anatomy Lesson #1, “Jamie’s Tush or Bottoms up!”, was posted just after the airing of Starz episode 107, The Wedding. To be perfectly honest, it was Jamie’s beautiful bottom that caused me to consider just how I might teach the anatomical “underpinnings” of such a splendid body part. He is a perfect male anatomical model and I hear he works quite diligently for those bonny buttocks!

I was also intrigued about writing a blog. Up to this point, I had been writing grants and medical and technical papers. As you can see from this first lesson to the most recent, it’s taken time to develop a voice, a format for my lessons, and understand this new medium. I also want to be respectful of the actor’s private lives so I only refer to their character’s names as they graciously provide anatomical examples. I wrote about this POV last year: Education & Privacy.

Diana’s books and the Outlander series are filled with anatomical goodies that demand attention. I also love the pathology (abnormal anatomy) which is abundantly sprinkled throughout the books and episodes: a veritable gold mine for an anatomist!

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Some people may lose their joy after working in a particular field over time.  Reading Dr. Karmen’s blog shows me, this has not happened to her. I was curious how she keeps her love of anatomy thriving. You know, besides Jamie’s cute tushie.

My passion for anatomy stays alive because I harbor a profound awe and respect for the human body, a sublime blend of form and function, which we often take for granted as it ferries us through a rather precarious world. It matters not how much I learn about the human body, there is always more, and the more is endlessly fascinating. Why wouldn’t it be? It is our vehicle, our home, our sanctuary….erm…as you see, I can easily wax poetic about the human body!

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We all have our own vision for what we believe Outlander will look like in the years to come. Dr. Karmen sees things a bit more intimately than others do, haven’t you noticed? I was anxious to hear what her brain thinks the world of Outlander will be like in the years to come.

The future of Outlander world… First, I hope all of Diana’s big books and the Lord John series are filmed. Then, I envision the largest global community of devoted fans, constantly networking to appreciate, support, create, praise, enjoy, and celebrate this amazing, shared adventure. Hurrah for Diana Gabaldon who, one day, decided to write a book for herself. Praises to her CompuServe pals who encouraged her to publish it. Kudos to her family who support her fathomless talents. Thanks to Ron D. Moore, Terry Dresbach, Maril Davis and to all the actors, writers, directors, staff, designers, composers, musicians, builders, trainers, linguists, herbalists, doctors, sempstresses, and detailers. Without them devoted fans would wander lost in a vast desert-scape, otherwise known as, Droughtlander!

I wanted to give all of you a chance to peek into the Outlander Anatomy waiting room.  Sit back a moment & spend some time peeking behind the curtain that is Dr. Karmens life.

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Well, I am now professor emerita (retired female professor) of human anatomy at my medical university. When I was actively teaching, my “waiting room” (dissection lab) was filled with medical students, graduate students, allied health students, surgical residents, surgeons, and donor bodies. I was director of the gross anatomy course for many years, ran the body donation program for my institution, and was demonstrator of anatomy for my state in the US. Over the course of my career, and before birth of the internet, I taught almost 10,000 medical students gross anatomy, histology, embryology, neuroanatomy, and cell biology. And now, that the internet (and Outlander) has such a long reach around the world, I am able to teach many more readers about the amazing human body.

I always am curious what others find most fascinating about Gabaldon‘s world of Outlander. It is one of the topics of conversation I can’t get enough of.

Wow, this is a hard one because I find Diana’s creations endlessly fascinating. If I had to choose one thing it would be her remarkable ability to divine a story from a single line, sometimes books apart. Here’s an example: in Outlander book, Jamie and Claire are eating dinner at Castle Leoch; the table convo centers on Sandringham and his personal preference for young lads. In a line or two, Rupert comments that Jamie should guard his wife because unlike the Duke, his man servant actively pursues women! This really didn’t grab my attention until my last read-through. Then, Bingo! In the next book, Dragonfly in Amber, the Duke’s valet reappears as a member of the foul gang that rapes Mary Hawkins! This type of thing happens many times throughout her books. How does Herself recall such wee things and then revisit them hundreds of thousands of words later?! I actually learned the answer this past week while attending SiWC2016 in Surrey, B.C. Diana said (and I’m paraphrasing), that she writes all sort of things that might be classified as debris, but which provide kernels for later works.  – It’s what I call Gabaldon word Tetris 

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In this photo, taken at 2016 SiWC, she honored me by donning a necklace I made for her: Mr. Willoughby, complete with acupuncture needles inside his hollow body!

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Diana Gabaldon with Dr. Karmen & DG wearing the super cool Mr. Willoughby necklace

This an ABOotlander must ask. We ask for shiggles – If you were to come to Alberta Canada and someone offered you a) Moose Droppings b) Beaver Tails c) Prairie Oysters d) Taber Corn…which would you choose & why?

My first choice would be Taber corn.  I have never tasted this variety but it sounds delish and I love corn and corn-grinding! <G> Second choice would be beaver tails, that is, if you mean the fried pastries –  they look yummy!  But, if I am wrong and you mean the rear appendage from a large, big-toothed rodent, then I will pass. I will also pass on the prairie oysters as I am not fond of raw eggs. Finally, I refuse to dine on moose poop because I am a picky eater (although, I suspect these are chocolate covered candies). Great question!  – I must say I am impressed, though not surprised at Dr.Karmen’s thorough answers. What an absolute delight she has been!

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Please feel free to share your comments with us about #ABOotlanderLOVE below. It takes no time to #BeKind & spread the LOVE.

 

Sher

ABOotlander Founder & Friend of the Fandom

 

Episode 16 In the Flesh -TRAMS- Tobias Really Ain’t Maiming Sam…really.

Who else is glad that is over? Raise your hand!

Me...me...me too...uh-huh...yup...us!

Me…me…me too…uh-huh…yup…us!

As much as we are not looking forward to #NaughtLander – I was perfectly fine with Episode 16 “To Ransom a Mans Soul” being one hour long, because the one hour felt like WAY longer. It made me feel like a virgin. You know what I mean. It was verra uncomfortable indeed.

“Got my tight pants on!”….Yeah…this is not comfortable for anyone. Really.

As per usual before I get into my blogburst, I like to tap into what I see as a bit o’ silliness that plagues the fandom. I found out recently that the likes of myself – you know the type. We, who enjoy the show for the show & the books for the books. Separately.  We, that do not believe the 2 should be compared nor interwoven specimens…because they are, ummm…not the same things. We are called *drumroll please* Kool-Aid Drinkers. Heehee…Kool-aid. Yeah.  Which makes this even funnier to me is –  those who who use this term may often be offended or dissuade others from using descriptions such as “pearl clutcher”, “poutlander” & any number of other equally insulting terms that will offend someone.  This term is deemed O.K. to use  even though it has a particularly ugly meaning behind it, because it was given its blessing from groups who feel everyone’s opinions matter, except those who think that it’s ok to love something for what it is and those  who express that they don’t believe being negative is a productive way to be & choose to say so. Kool-aid. Wanna sip? Tsk Tsk.

 I don’t particularly “like” Kool-aid but I DO think the Kool-aid man is cool as hell!  I also think if you embrace a term & own it, you take the power away others have given it. Soooooooooooooooo…

koolaid

This is the kinda kool-aid we are serving…come and have a glass! It happens to be sweetened with good intentions.  There is kindness instilled in it.  We only want the fans to see the best in what is happening with the series. It is, in fact separate from the books…this has been said from the VERY beginning. Whether you CHOOSE to hear the facts – well, this only affects our happiness with the process. No one has tried to fool or trick us into believing anything different.  When you lay back and relax…the bumps are way easier to take, you might even be able to enjoy them.

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We have fallen into the land of #WithoutLander.

#DroughtLander2.0 has started… there is #NaughtLander. As you can see – I can go on all effing day if I wanted to & I likely will come up with many many more before the jig is up in the fall of 2016.  Chances are, you will put up with my crap because, as fans, it is what we do.  We read what we love…AND we read what we hate. It is a CRAZY…oh wait…mentally hilarious phenomenon.  That WILL keep this world alive. Not destroy it like some say.

These blogbursts won’t stop because the series is on hiatus.  Honestly…I will just have to get more creative.

This might be the point you are afraid...

This might be the point – you become… afraid…

and you thought BJR was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Me…trying to be creative. That might be a whole other bag of nuts folks. Mixed nuts. Big…ole…bag.

You know I am trying to avoid talking about something when I am 500 words in & haven’t started.  This is like having the sex talk with the sons but start talking about how they haven’t cleaned their room in the last week instead. Still ending up focusing on the balled up sock in the corner of the room. Yeah…yeah…yeah…I KNOW. I have to talk about it – but where’s their Dad…Can’t HE?

That’s a good idea actually. Hub’s watched episode 16 with me. Twice. Shockingly. We’ll go at it like that. Since you know I’m a gutterdweller – I shall sit down here but try not to be you know…too gross and or offensive. However, expect a few groans. Just…do.

We get the title credit again. Yeah…gutterslug I am…beads n oil. I know what is happening in this episode – I don’t even wanna know what that other thing is gonna be . Yup…I know I am going to hell – I might as well take the express bus. Move over- I know you are in the back seat, hiding…you wouldn’t be reading this blogburst if you weren’t there.

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Then…then…drums, flutes, what sounds like recorders. Remember recorders guys? Elementary school…we all had to have recorders? Play 3 blind mice? We were so cool.

*eyeroll* Just like him. Really. 3 blind mice with the squeal at the end killed his Pirates of the Caribbean out of the water. Whatever.

Uh-huh...sure...show off.

Uh-huh…sure…show off.

Those english dudes at the prison, they were pretty in tune but the men at arms, my ex-Army hubby really wanted them to be more practiced. Sloppy, out of line…tsk tsk…just foolin’

I kinda wished we had more time to critique the english soldiers because yeah…we went right on into the deep dark dank dungeon cell of hell and torment which housed our hero Jamie. We immediately get a glimpse at his bloodied body & lifeless eyes. It causes some serious cognitive dissonance when you have that cheery drumming and recorder playing happening in the background & you have Jamie’s face – telling you this story. Then we pan…ugh…

Here's JACKIE!

Here’s JACKIE!

Never a reassuring thing.

Captain CreepMaster General is so supine it’s almost distracts you from the fact that he is completely naked AGAIN. Tobias has zero issues with his Aunt Gail seeing him in the all together. You know, I think he might think to himself “Hope Aunty Gail tunes in! That’d teach her for buying me that hideous sweater back in ’85”

Back to the soldiers & cheery loud tunes – I feel like I am being torn back n forth. Put me outta my misery!

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

Wait…was that me or Jamie asking. It was both of us.  CCMG owes him a debt & for a moment, it looks like he is going to pay up but SQUIRREL! Ole Captain hears a noise and curiosity done squishes the cat.

Much to Jamie’s horror. He leaves him in the cell to go check out what’s shaking in the halls. There is some crazy noises happening & he is far too nosey for his own good.

knock knockAnother one of those teachable moments right there. You hear noises you can’t explain. Might be best NOT to look. Dumbass. However, I liked seeing your face get stepped on, I didn’t literally see it, though I imagined it because I despise CCMG and that to me, happy thoughts!

Rupert, Angus & Murtagh…Team RAM (TRAM…Do we see a theme…cool huh?!) Scramble through the basement of the prison looking for Jamie & find him as the kine cause havoc in the halls & throughout the courtyard.  The music via Bear McCreary & the kine seriously did a wicked job of kicking the scene up a knotch here. The kine do NOT have a twitter account…I really am not sure what is going on, seems the crazy is slipping…sad.  Anywhoo…Team RAM played this scene with vigor!  I loved the determination to get Jamie out of there and it was clear to us how OUT OF IT Jamie was.

Seriously, Murtagh is like the scottish Apollo in that moment, Jamie wrapped in the plaid slung over his shoulder & him marching out the door like a boss!

so hot

I loved the wagon ride & escape. The chaos of that was happening at the prison with interchanges of Team RAM escaping with Jamie. Claire waiting in the road…ummmm…hunny…unpause it. Hunny…HUNNY! Sheesh. I think my husband really likes it when Claire wears breeches. Both times we watched, I got a view of this –

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Yup, gotta admit it. She’s got a cute bum. The joys of watching with the man of the house – equal opportunity in the admiration department.

Between her distress & impatience, the look on her face…no words are needed.  This woman sucks us straight into her anxiety. I was THISCLOSE to popping an ativan when we spotted Team RAM coming over the crest of the hill.  This was the episode that was like a Led Zeppelin song, a minute seems like a lifetime and you are having Tea for One. I’d look at the clock thinking it has to be almost over…and ummmm…no…52 more minutes left.

what year is it

We get a taste of the mashed potatoes that Jamie’s brains have been whipped into when he see’s Claire AS Black Jack…right there in his face. He wraps his good hand around her sweet delicate neck and squeezes  until Rupert & Murtagh get him off of her. He tells Claire “Dinna touch me”  – One more huge clue – this is not the Jamie we know. His mind has been sliced and diced like it’s been in a chop-o-matic.

He starts in on the Gaelic saying stuff like “Claire- you just morphed into Jackface! That’s wiggin me out!” (Really he said…Let me go die.) Murtagh was like “Hey Bro! Cut that shit out! She has a pretty neck…even if you don’t like it…we do!”  Jamie gets all snippy with him too. You gotta admit, he is probably pretty hangry about now and could use a snickers bar like nobodies business & snaps -in Gaelic- at Murtagh to mind his own damn business clag-tail face! (Really, he said something like “Put an end to my torment!” Which sounds way more logical however- clag-tail face- takes the edge off & sends you all on a google search so…) Murtagh’s had enough of this crap and tells him to shut the hell up, he’s not listening to this crap- they have places to go…people to do. (In fact, he said ” I won’t listen to this!”) Yeah…I was right-ish.

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Back on the run they go with a wee but of chuffin’ from Rupert. That wagon ride must have been hellabouncey!

Same ride in today's vehicle...looks like a party

Same ride in today’s vehicle…looks like a party

We hear the bells of a church yard. We see a familiar face, it’s wee Willie. Good to see him again. He introduces us to Father Anselm. This is a character from the books, that has been adapted for the screen in such a lovely manner. As has the Abbey itself. It really doesn’t matter when it is all broken down.

Truth is they had to condense a ridiculous amount of the book into one hour & the adaptation isn’t really meant to please each book reader it is meant to convey a story to an audience – TRUTH-

Really hard to swallow innit?

Really hard to swallow innit?

Adaptations were made that didn’t  change plot lines but changed “things”. Brother to Father…not in the creepy way though. Anselm was a dream – reacting before she finished sentences & taking them in.

Brother Paul, the respect & dignity he showed Claire – the care he gave Jamie…I quite liked the bald headed lil monks they had poking about. The background players were extremely complimentary to the scenes.  Letting Claire know…dude’s body is in baaaaaad shape sister but his mind… a few french fries short of a happy meal & is gonna need some serious help.  Claire seems to know this but had more pressing matters at hand.

See what I did there?

Jamie’s moans & cries brought her back to the fact that maybe she did need to deal with this broken soul thing. She tries to talk to him, soothe him but nope…none of that. Sometimes we ask questions that we REALLY do not want the answers to but need them. This is what happens here…although Claire didn’t get her answer – WE did.  It was Flashbang #1. Everyone were calling them flashbacks…that’s too light of a word for me. These were far too traumatic & gutpunchy. FlashBANG…much more effective.

Yes I know this

Yes I know this “technically” is not a flashbang but I really love this gif…*snort*

Plus…this next part is icky and we have to talk about it.

We have the leisure of seeing good ole dead Marley. All covered in  *shudder* rats *shudder*.  Those narsty vermin are my kryptonite. Sorry..not sorry…I can not STAND effin rats…rodents..little tails swishing

barf

Too much narsty in one small vile thing….just….ewwww.

Digression. Yeah. Sorry. Jamie is still sitting, nailed to the table where Captain Creepy last left him – he is nearly passed out from pain it seems but has the presence of mind to make sure Claire has left the prison.  This just proves how twisted Captain Creepy is. He is so pleasant with Jamie. ” I give you my word, here, have a drink…let me make you more comfortable while I yank that bloody nail from your hand – it’s going to be a trifle uncomfy. Be over quick…just a pinch. Oh dear…you’ve puked all over the floor…that’s all right, I will cradle you gently in my arms like a young child and kiss you tenderly like a sweetheart I once had.. Know why? ‘Cause I am a nice guy. You can see that right? Nice guy…dingy nasty cell…hole in your hand…forcing my tongue in your mouth. Come on- play along! It’s all better now, we are going to have a lovely time, you only have to be receptive. Here laddie”

It’s moments like these you wish this mofo had the internet. Here…go to http://www.immasickbastardDOTcom and get rid of some of your twistyMctwisterson bullshit and leave poor Jamie outta it man!

Ah if we could only redirect the the  insanity!

Ah if we could only redirect the the insanity!

Ole CreepMaster goes in for a let’s say frenchier kiss & complains at the lack of enthusiasm that his partner is displaying – decides that some threats against Claire are in order.  Jamie makes it clear that he said he wouldn’t “resist”.He is NOT going to “participate”.  Probably not the best plan of action.  CreepMaster now had a point to prove & it was that Jamie, would participate, whether he liked it or not. At least his body would participate.

He lifted him up to a sitting position and showed Jamie…and all of us that – our bodies can have minds of their own. Physical response has little to do with emotional response when it comes to reflex.  I noticed in some of social media out there, a few women had a difficult time grasping this concept. Saying it made men seem weak minded, not in control. Ummmm WHAT THE HELL? Our bodies have reflexes…men & women alike – Let me advise. Men have external organs that are easier to get to. This also goes straight to victim shaming & I won’t play THAT game with anyone.

No  really....go...see ya...buh bye now.

No really….go…see ya…buh bye now.

Bodies can, will & often physically respond to sexual stimulation. CCMG took this as a sign that he was controlling Jamie’s body. Adding some words of graciousness you know “Only want you to like it.”  You could see how much Jamie was trying to fight his bodies response & was getting angry with himself for not being able too. Throwing it back at Creepy, tells him just get it over with already…he hawked a big ole loogie in Creepy’s face. Ya know – maybe not the greatest idea at the time because it really pissed him off.

Captain Creepy is still calm for a microsecond asking “You think I can not control the darkness I inhabit?” like…implying he can…but he completely loses his shit! Guess what you sadistic freakshow – there is NO controlling that darkness.  That darkness just went batshit crazy & Jamie was on the bottom of it. Quite literally.

Creepy proceeds to brutally rape Jamie – telling him to scream – well – that HURT. Physically…it HURT…emotionally it HURT…everything about that moment HURT. “I” screamed at my TV right along with Jamie. DAMN YOU Creepy…you rotten SOB.

I don't look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

I don’t look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

That was the portion of our show my hubby hid his face. He really didn’t like it. Nope.

Don't look!

Don’t. Like. This. Part.

FlashBANG over. None too soon either. Geez…Sam…whatever places you had to go…you went.  I have this inkling our Tobias – he has a bit of that steele in his veins. He comes up with some pretty sinister shit with the writers to add in. Fingers in mouths, licking backs, faces. On the Ira/Moore podcast he thought “Hey, let’s use dead Morley as a mattress.” Ummmmm…

That boy...he ain't right.

That boy…he ain’t right.

He goes places. In his head. Which makes his acting…that much more terrifying. I’m really glad Ira was like Ummmm Tobias – Richard really hasn’t done anything to you…rats are one thing dude…THAT…totally another. Let’s not. It doesn’t mean Tobias is freakydeaky…it means he is a thinker, he gets into his characters head & he can go to those places. I think it’s a study of how far can he go…they tell him when “Yeah…far enough.”

Sam, I am guessing, this…is an educated guess, seems an introvert. This exposure, quite literally, must have been exhausting for him. I have heard many words to describe his performance in this episode. Many I wholeheartedly agree with. The ones “I” choose – brave, raw & fascinating.  I know NOW what Diana was talking about when she said she looked forward to this.  As difficult as it is to watch someone you care about go through this…and I CARED…it was enthralling. Encompassing. Why?  Because HE made me CARE. Tobias made me CARE. Cait made me LOVE them together. They did that as ACTORS.

It's like way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!
That is like, way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!

We so often get all whipped up in the who did it better than – we forget they DO it together. We so often get so wrapped up in our favourites that we dismiss the beauty of how well they work as an ensemble & obviously love one another. (Now keep your heads on. Love means many different things to many different people) They wouldn’t be able to portray this so well without respecting one another.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

There were words spoken prior to Claire setting Jamie’s hand. That’s it. They were spoken. Jamie was telling Claire – he didn’t care. He was trying to let her know in his way that he was lost from her & she…stubborn as he…wasn’t hearing him. She was focused on healing him. She knew…yes…he was broken. One of these things she KNEW how to fix. She had to deal with first.  I truly adore the way these two play off one another. They are a brilliant balance. They don’t even need the words sometimes. Frig knows…the makeup/prop department sure as hell killed it as far the whole business with fixing up Jamie’s hand went.

That looked pretty...gross...n...gross.
That looked pretty…gross…n…gross.

Sure …things have to look realistic. They did. Graphic even. Bones jutting out, skin being tugged at and sewn together. Hearing the bones scraping together, seeing the blood squishing. There are people who squirm ‘n gag at sights like that. There are folks who “ooooh & ahhhh”. There are even ones that sit on the edge of their seat & examine the scene for inconsistencies because they are in the medical profession. Whichever you are -I think we can agree, they did a friggen sweet job of it.

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The voice over helped me through this scene.  Concentrating on her words made me not want to toss my cookies.  The way she wrapped it in that crazy contraption was SO cool looking. Rigged up & completely not like something ‘perfect’. So it was.  Primitive & barbaric. Like the wounds that were beneath the bandages.

Claire is sent to bed by Brother Paul- he will take care of him. She needs her rest. She leaves the room. Walking through the halls, she starts making some retching noises then goes ahead & pukes. Hubby pipes up & says. “She’s knocked up isn’t she…she’s been puking EVERYWHERE!”

Considering we read Outlander a few months ago for our #Bedtimestories, it’s not a shocker he thinks he is figuring something new out.

GOOD BOY

GOOD BOY

It’s always nice to be watching the show & have wee bits from the book pop in. For someone who does adore the books, it is like finding a $5.00 bill in the pocket of someone’s jeans when you are doing the wash (or so my hubby tells me). This added sweetness is Father Anselm & Claire’s moment in the chapel. It’s familiar yet still different. It is poignant & meaningful.  Claire essentially confesses all to him. Taking the chance that she may very well be sitting next to another Father Bain ~

However, I think she knew his heart from the start.  His kindness was apparent.   Hubcicle & I looked at one another with big ole dumb grins on our faces when he turned to Claire & said “How marvelous…a miracle perhaps” such a different reaction from what she had expected. We know that Claire never particularly found herself to be a woman of faith but in that moment – there was calm. It seemed her reserve was restored. It was an awesome moment and even though the powers that be said it was moved all around in post production. They put it in the perfect spot. It fit just right.

Sure, Jesus is cool...it's just some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*
Sure, Jesus is cool…some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*

The next day, Jamie is still refusing to eat & he is running a fever. Claire lets him know even though his hand looks like hamburger, it’s coming along nicely.  He’s none too receptive however. He doesn’t want to be saved. That’s just not nice.  She’s trying…really really trying.

We cut scene to the boys, Angus thinks its just a good idea to get drunk. Being sober sure as flip isn’t going to cure Jamie. Murtagh is confident that Claire can heal Jamie’s wounds but he knows that Jamie isn’t eating – that bothers him. Willie tells a tale of his uncle who did the same after an accident…starved himself he did. Uplifting story Willie. Thanks for sharing. Someone smack him would you?  Thanks Angus. Nice aim!

right in my eye

I do like Willie. A lot. He can be a dumb kid sometimes & they do to dumb kids what I WANT to do to dumb kids. Good cuff upside the head. You know…in a kind way *ahem*

Annnnnnnnyway…One of my favourite scenes in the show is between Murtagh & Jamie.  I can’t understand a bloody word they are saying because non hablez de gaelic. Uh-huh…I’m a canucklehead through and through. Sorry. If you DO want to know the conversation.Turns out, it is as touching & gut wretching as they portray it. Hit up this website. They even spell Gaidhlig with the lil accenty things all fancy n stuff.everythings-so-fancy-on-firefly-with-jewel-staite

You can see the heartbreak on Murtagh’s face. The despair on Jamie’s as well. For about a second I want them to take the cameras off of their faces because it is too painful. THEN the show WENT to the next scene…GAH go back. Please! I would rather them go back to the heartbreak & despair faces…yeah…please.

It is another flashBANG…and a bad one. Jamie dragging himself across the dungeon of dooms cold floor. He is naked in a way that angers us. He is bloodied in various places that make us want to go all mamabear. He is struggling across the stones, vomiting & looking very much – destroyed.

The bastard…aka…oh…I have so many names for him right now, none of them the least bit flattering and some might even burn your retinas when you read them. I am hating on him THAT much. Tobias PLAYED that character so well it made me angry to see his smug, priggish *sigh* whatever. Smug as usual. Wanting to know if Jamie has reached his limit. Geez…I WONDER?  When you start hallucinating “Claire Jack Randall”…you know shit’s done gone sideways and your cheese done fell of your cracker.

not funny
Those 2 faces really shouldn’t melt together like that. Nightmares – daymares – night terrors – day terrors…that’s what THAT face is made of.

Its apparent Jamie keeps reaching for the one thing that gives him solace. Claire. Creep Master doesn’t want him to have any part of it then lights to the realization that- “Hmmm this Claire thing can really mess with the boy.”  To watch Claire’s image fade from Jamie’s grasp & him curl up in a naked ball & cry like a babe was simply heartbreaking. How’d we all manage not curl up with him?  I wanted to spoon him. But…he was pretty grimy.  I have standards. *kidding* I don’t.

CCMG played the Claire Card…wanted Jamie’s surrender. “Are you mine?” Jamie – confused, broken & out of his head- heard Creepy but saw Claire. “Yes, only you.” Jamie said in his addled state.  The sadistic dick at this point didn’t care HOW he got Jamie’s surrender- he just wanted it. He didn’t care Jamie was out of his head delusional, he wanted him complacent – that was how he got him.

There is no better term for it than mindbuggery. (I don’t believe the term existed before now, I am pretty sure I made it up- well inadvertently Diana made it up – I just named what he did to Jamie.) Captain Creepy took a walk to his bag of tricks hanging in the room & pulled out his seal…heated in the huge lantern to a red hot brand & sauntered…yeah…the twisted frito chip sauntered over to Jamie & pointed to a place on his chest. Casually telling him to show him that he was Jamie’s. Mindbuggery folks.

mindfuckery

Jamie had a moment…a small moment where there was defiance. The brand did not make it to the spot on his chest where Captain Creepy intended it to go. Jamie did brand himself. However the brand was on his ribs. The look on CCMG’s face was something like…well…that wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it’ll do.

Every. Single.Time. Post production did a brilliant job of taking us out of that cell. Jamie was laying weak & wasted  in that sonofablankityblanks arms, with me wishing I could reach through the screen and tear him from his grasp when they put him back in the bed of the Abbey, rubbing his brand.

ouch-kiss-it-better-1

Oh how I wish things were this simple for our Jamie *sigh*

 I just wanna reach through that big ole screen and kiss his booboo better…the brand one, the other…well. No.

The group gathers as Willie rides up after doing some recon. Redcoats are going to get closer & they know they have to get Jamie out of there. They also know he isn’t getting better, if they wait much longer…well…monks don’t make good warriors do they?

giphy (1)

They do the geography. France. That is the safest place for them right now.  Murtagh makes a point of stating he will secure a ship. Always durable. Always reliable. Murtagh.

Willie’s up next. Oh…sorry…that sounded naughty. O.k. maybe it only sounded naughty to us pervyMcperversons.  I expect by now the majority of those reading this particular burst…ah…are.  Annnnywhoo…Willie, concerned for Jamie & wanting to see if he can help checks up on him. He isn’t a stupid kid like some of the men treat him.  He sees the value of the relationship between Jamie & Claire. He tries to get Jamie to see it again. Granted he isn’t fully aware of the torment Jamie has suffered.  Still he asks what he can do.  Jamie, seeing the blade Willie carries, asks for it. So he can end things…once and for all.

I heard of a huge outcry from fans about this particular scene. Saying Jamie would NEVER kill himself. Ummmm hey folks…what do you think he was trying to do in the book when he wasn’t eating & pushing everyone away…same thing…different means. Yup.  Again, Jamie was in a different frame of consciousness – not the Jamie we know & love. Not the Jamie he had grown into. It was “this” experience that helped him become the man that would never do that. Maybe? Perhaps?

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

 Of course Willie tells him to get bent, leaves & tattles on him to Claire.  SHE then goes straight to Murtagh…who is her Dear Abby. First Murtagh is happily telling her he has booked passage on a ship but he quickly reads her face & trails off .She tells him of Jamie wanting Willie to kill him & grasps from Murtagh’s look that he knew about Jamie’s state of mind.  Claire knew too…we all know that but she was sailing down the river denial.

Claire sure as hell doesn’t think being tortured & raped is enough reason to want to die…hell…look at all the crap SHE has been through & SHE keeps keeping on.  Okey Dokey says Murtagh but if Jamie falls so far down a hole we can’t get him out…I’m not going to watch him suffer…I will take him out! That would be kinda like pulling the plug in today’s view I’d say.

This is when Claire…faints…dead away. Big fat hairy hint to everyone.

In the next scene she comes to with Brother Paul caressing her neck & Murtagh feebly tapping his hand on his dirk & being very anxious. Here- I vere off –   I LOVE what Duncan Lacroix has done with this character.  He has completely given life to him that I never expected. I adored Murtagh in the books,but because I connect to introverted & awkward folks. It is like Duncan grasped onto that & not only gave Murtagh this…dimension of being…but gave him an added bit of personality that makes you smile, just seeing him. Man…he made me laugh out loud when he said “Scairt the piss right outta me.” He had the decency to look abashed because the monk was in the room with them. Which gave us a breather. We needed it!  Murtagh has become a steady – not just for Claire but for the audience.thank you

Murtagh calls it like it is.  Jamie can’t be pulled from the darkness that is eating him up unless someone goes into that darkness after him.  It’s quite simple really.  You see Claire think about this & this woman -who has faced down evil priests, witch hunters, scorned teenage girls (those are SCARY), sadistic freaks of nature,  english deserters with rape in mind…yeah…she knows she can handle going into the dark reaches of the mind of the man she loves more than life itself. She has this covered.

Claire starts the prep work. First on the list… girlfriend is making some lavender oil. She means business. Take no prisoners, she is getting her man back.

She goes into Jamie’s room & he is already having bad dreams, she puts the oil under his nose. He hears Captain Creepy’s voice & sees his sick smiling face looming over his bed at him. When Claire speaks again, it is her face there…mocking him & this sets Jamie into confusion. He tells her to leave him be- she’s all “Yeah right…tried that…look where it has gotten us. I’m trying something else.” The more she pushes Jamie…the more Captain Creepy’s mindbuggery pushes forward. Jamie can’t help but see HIS face like he was seeing CLAIRE’S in the cell.  Jamie snaps, he throws Claire to the ground but due to the fact she is ready…girlfriend gives his a swift kick and a few good smacks. Jamie is pretty weak – you know…when you don’t eat or take care of yourself, you get on the flimsy side. He manages to get her on the floor telling her he doesn’t want to hurt her. Yeah…think about that will you. You ARE hurting her A LOT! You want to kill yourself AND you won’t tell her why! That buddy…that hurts a whole helluvalot more than throwing a girl around a room. In the struggle she tears at his…ummm…I’m not even sure what to call what he is wearing. It’s not really a nighty or ever a strip of cloth. It effectively covered all his man bits. Manbit loinwear? Anyway. She tore at it…and saw the JR branding.

What? What's that?
What? What’s that?

She think she KNOWS he was branded. Tries to tell him that it’s alright but he tells her nope.Not alright.  HE is the one that branded himself. That means it goes way deeper. It’s time Jamie told her the truth. Claire didn’t WANT to hear the words but knew he NEEDED to say them…to free himself of them.

It’s true you know – if we let things go in that way. It can free us of an inner torture. Give our pain away to someone who doesn’t “feel” it the way we do.

lifelesson

Toger Brings you LIFE LESSONS

He tells her that the sick & twisted pretzel brain didn’t just use force on him…he made love to him. It was an admission you could tell he never wanted to share with her. Frankly – what man WOULD want to?

This is something that hasn’t changed in centuries with male victims of sexual violence & assault.  I worked with victim services for many many years. Male victims are out there. Male victims are much quieter & there is a huge stigma attached to “being” a victim. Survivors of assault & rape rarely come forward. There are so many complex reasons. More than any one person could begin to explain. Shame is only one of the reasons. Victim shaming is abhorrent and I am a shame the shamer kinda gal.

hang-thine-head-in-shame

Jamie takes another trip down flashBANG lane.  This is the one that many people had a problem with.  This is the one some claimed wasn’t in the book.   It’s all about how we “read” & “percieve”.

Jamie is clearly out of it. He wakes momentarily to see his tormentor getting washed up. Thanks pal. Mighty kind of you to be conscious of your physical hygiene since your mind is a dirty as a toilet seat in a 1 star hotel. *eyeroll*

Captain Creepy wakes our Jamie with some of that stank in a bottle.  He starts another round of his mindbuggery. He brings Claire to Jamie’s mind – speaking of her hands as he brings his over Jamie’s body with oil. With the delusion & unimaginable pain he has been in – the escape of the words “Think of your wife.” brought a resounding “YEAH! Think of CLAIRE…get the hell out of that room!” from even my husband.  After all – Jamie thought he was supposed to die shortly – if he FOUGHT this process – he surely would have suffered greater pain – YEP…this was not a scene that was “enjoyable” to watch. It certainly was not “comfortable”. However…it had a purpose.  Captain Creepy USED Jamie’s LOVE for Claire. He USED Jamie’s NEED for Claire and his NEED for comfort to get what he WANTED. The mindbuggery goes into full on buggery & he breaks Jamie completely. He gets our Jamie to surrender completely. The rotten sonofawhoseawhatyawannacallhim got exactly what he wanted.

OMG That makes me SO angry!
OMG That makes me SO angry! 

Jamie…breaks…he realizes exactly what just went down. The release was inevitable. He faces the fact that at the hands of this monster he gave over everything. He cries like a child & Captain Creepy has the nuts to say “I understand, she will never forgive you.”  Ummmmm really? This guy is more twisted than a balloon animal.

That’s finally over & we are back on the floor of the Abbey with Jamie & Claire.  He tells her straight up – he was glad not to feel pain for a bit in that moment. She needed to let him know that whatever he was thinking he had to know that there was nothing to forgive.  He was sure he was “less” to her because of it – because he was broken by him.  That quite pissed her off.  The words she speaks, she speaks with heart & vehemence. Jamie- throws them back at her.

He weakly gets back onto the bed. Tells her, he is disgusted with himself. THAT…that right there makes Claire go into I’M your wife mode.  She forces him to SEE HIMSELF as SHE sees him.  She forces him into the position she has been in.  Take yourself from ME will you? Then fine.  I go too.

You know…often we only need to see ourselves as others see us to get a fresh perspective. Sitting staring through our own self pity…looking down at ourselves, it so much different than when someone physically holds a mirror up and says HERE! THIS IS WHAT I SEE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. POWERFUL. REMARKABLE & I LOVE IT BECAUSE…

lifelesson

Moving on quickly to cutting that JR brand out. Big hunka charred flesh scooped  & flung into the fire quick as may be.  Quite a few loogey’s hawked in this episode. The last one sizzled on the fire with the man meat of Jamie’s rib. Yet another scar to add to his collection. Seriously Jamie, you are like a good ole fashion TIMEX

post-8194-0-36118000-1426349325

Takes a lickin alright…

To the shores for our goodbyes with the men. Rupert & Angus are always good for a laugh with their banter. Of course, this is the last time for a while.  Angus had to leave us with something memorable. A handful of fans were not impressed by his behaviour- uncalled for & the like…we might want to remember he’s often used for comic relief & to take our minds off things of a serious nature.  The series isn’t going to last forever folks, let’s not take everything so seriously – especially the likes of Angus aye?

angus
Yes this is the face we are to take seriously…

I must say, I do find Jamie looks quite appealing in his tricorn hat. Wait.I’d find Jamie appealing shaved bald with a polka dotted beanie. Never mind. My observations are futile.

The way Willie stood on the shore…staring out at them as they sailed away gave me pause. Made me believe – we could be seeing young Willie sooner than later.

Maybe we do...yeah...that'd be cool. Willie in France!
Maybe we do…yeah…that’d be cool. Willie in France! I’m just making guesses not starting rumours. It’s only a rumour if you repeat it.

On the ship, Jamie is trying to get his sea legs, which is hard because he isn’t very sea worthy.  Claire too…green around the gills it seems. They chat about how both are Pukey McPukersons – then Claire & Jamie start talking about their future in France. What they will be doing? Where they will go? The rising…if they can stop it.  I keep on looking at Jamie’s hand. Damn that’s dark.  Bruised and nasty. Keep talking though guys, I hear you.  Claire wants to stop Culloden from happening. She all but convinces Jamie they can change the future if they try.

Shhhhh....we aren't going to talk about THAT!

Shhhhh….we aren’t going to talk about THAT!

But now…she has something else to tell him. SOMETHING ELSE? You wanna change the future. That’s a lot right there sister. Now what?   You wanna fly to the moon? You wanna set Murtagh up with the chambermaid?

Claire tells Jamie she has a little bundle of Fraser baking in her bunnery! OH GOODY! Yeah, all of us book readers knew…know…but they have been playing with the adaption so we can never be 100% sure what they are going to do with things.  This was a great way to play it. Jamie’s face was blank…WTF?! How’d that happen-ness! Sure, he “knows” HOW it happens but as far as he was aware, Claire wasn’t able to have babies.  She isn’t wrong often but this time. YUP! Wrong! Jamie hit the baby making button.

Can't wait till he learns about these lil fellas!
Can’t wait till he learns about these lil fellas!We will get there! I know we will! YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH!

It’s hard to judge by his face if he is happy because he looks so confused. He uttered a little gaelic…could have been interpreted as “holy shit”. Read the scots blog I posted earlier and they tell you what he said there too.  She simply asks him if he is happy. The gap between his thoughts & his heart collide.  He never thought he would be happy again. But he is. VERRA VERRA HAPPY INDEED! They embrace with such enthusiasm I wanted to jump into it! In fact, they drew Murtagh to them…the smile on his face…well damnit.

won't cry...won't.....WAAAAHH

Won’t cry…Won’t…..WAAAAHH

They leave us with the most gorgeous view of our couple standing on the deck of the ship together. Staring out into their future. Jamie looking down to his wife & growing child. The ship turning…headed to- well- France right?

We have entered the land of #NaughtLander.

Look how beautiful it can be though.  Don't let it get you down.  ENJOY IT.

Look how beautiful it can be though. Don’t let it get you down. ENJOY IT.

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!

 Do not despair. There is so much for fans to do.

We promise to be here for you. Whether you like it or not. I will continue to provide my own personal brand of edutainment.  This fandom is FULL of talent.  I am gonna be throwing a bunch of it at you. Check out our twitter @ABOotlanders .  This is where we LIVETWEET with each episode. As we watch on Showcase. We furiously tweet. In fact our magic tweeters started the #OutlanderCAN. Which I will brag @ABOotlanders got to trend during episodes 8 and 16.  Canadians don’t brag but we toot our own tooters when tooting is justified. It takes a team of us @tlmfarmgirl is my TwitterTrending Posse…xo

We love to share the love.  Not, like STD share but you know…the other share.

See...clean... *eyelash flutter*

See…clean share…not dirty… *eyelash flutter*

That wasn’t so bad.  I know it took me a while to get to Episode 16. No…it wasn’t because I was scairt either.  It was because…get ready…I have this thing that gets in the way sometimes. It is called a life. UGH! I know right. RUDE!

Plus I love to hear from you. Comment – blab- chat away. I will answer.

SL/Sher or Hey You…the ABOotiest of ABOotlanders

Outlander Bedtime Stories – Droughtlanders in the Bedroom

I have been reading the Outlander books for over 20 yrs. Repeatedly. I have hardcover copies, tattered & well loved paper back copies, a kobo ebook with all the books & the audio books in my vehicle so I can listen to them wherever I go.

Which has made for some fun conversations with Diana Gabaldon on Twitter. Oh that woman is fun! DG n MEdg n me 2

You might say I have a problem…it’s that whole #cracklander dealio we first talked about in October.  You know something…I still have my teeth, I don’t get the shakes there are no open sores.  I might occasionally sweat a little bit – maybe I twitch but you have no idea how cute I look when I do it – so IT’S ALL GOOD!

My husband…my dear, sweet wonderful husband.  I have been with him for over 26 yrs, married going on 22.

Insert AWWWWW here We were always friggen adorable. Don’t mind the porn stach…it was the 80’s…we both regret it

He was never a friend of #JAMMF.  Just never liked him. Always saying his name in a high pitched whine. Jaaaaaaaammmiiiiiieeeeee! Referred to as my book boyfriend. The one who could do no wrong.

It was subtle. Annoying. A little funny at times as he really knew only little tidbits he saw on the back of a random book or heard what a friend & I  talking about over coffee w our SIGHING, Oooh Jamie’s & generally fangirling before we even knew what the hell fangirling was.

fangirls

It did however, look like this, even 20 years ago- at my kitchen table.

It was just a slight hate on and general discontent UNTIL…they announced…THE SHOW…and Jamie had a real live FACE. It was Sam Heughan bringing James Fraser to life. DUN DUN DUN! and…really….what a face. AMMIRIGHT?

He HAD said, many years ago…he refused to read the book but if they ever made it a TV show. He’d watch it…Fat chance I thought. Like that would ever happen. It would have to be EPIC. My first kitchen table girlfriend Brig (RIP Brig) & always said Jamie would have to be an unknown, a Scot, & preferably a theater actor…

Good Shudder

They went ahead and rang our bell 3 times! Ugh! *SQUIRREL*

SO HA! I got him.

*In his defense* The man, who is my husband, doesn’t read ANYTHING.  Ok…thats a lie, if it has glossy pages and hangs over the back of the toilet, he will take a minute or two.

This means, we watched.I was surprised he gave it chance. He loved it. Not just because of THE BENEFITS. He loved Claire, her character (he’s a dude, he likes her bewbs too, not gonna lie). Dougal…badass supreme…and once the series went on hiatus he hit the WTF happens next wall???

Well…I knew…he knew HOW I knew…and he knew I would read it again & he hates reading so…HE ASKED ME TO READ IT TO HIM! *THUD*  No way?  A dream come friggen true!  He wants me…to read my favourite story…to him…at night…before we fall asleep? Every night? What the who?

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

There have been many times I thought I hit the husband jackpot. Seriously. The dude is a chef. He does laundry. Brings me coffee in the mornings. Washes dishes. Rubs my feet & I don’t even spend a lot of time on the suckers… This was the million dollar spin my people…the million dollar mutherstinkin spin! All because he can’t stand not KNOWING! He knew the info was out there in the form of a book, a really big book. If it looked like this…playboysthat would be a maybe for on his own but it doesn’t so it became our little bedtime ritual. I didn’t realize how entertaining he was going to be.  When we got to Dragonfly in Amber (which we are 34% through now)  I started hashtagging it on twitter. #Outlander #bedtimestories for anyone that might be interested.

I am going to flash back a bit here to show you a little of what the late night reads of Outlander sounded like…

“Wait…Dougal has hair?” “What colour is rustit?”  Apparently…understanding the TV & my reading is just as easy…russet…not rustit…I still had to explain what colour russet was too. It’s that same colour as rustit if you are curious. You will get about 50 different shades if you hit the google when you look for russet…look up rustit, you are on your own. Russet

“Jelly is just as freaky in the book” Jelly is what he calls Geillis – if you didn’t catch that on your own.

“Ok. I knew why you were hot for Jamie when I watched him in the show but this lady writes him like a GOD! Who can compete with that?” Oh babe…you can. When I close my eyes. Heehee. My man does dishes & laundry. Huge score.

I find it highly annoying that my man figures things out in the read. Like people don’t really die. I was always shocked when someone popped up later in the book. Him, when you hear of their death, he says something like “Yep RIGHT! Bet they come back! That lady (DG) seems like she likes to mess with peoples heads!”

When we got to Wentworth things got uncomfortable.  Hubs knew the outcome of what BJR did to Jamie. He used to tease my friends and I all the time. His lame attempts to make Jamie seem less masculine. “He gets it in the bum you know? Right!?”

In the where!?

In the where!?

Yeah… I never said he was the most mature ok?

That was his way of emasculating this book hero that he was jealous of. It became his “go to line”.

But…no…not butt. But, work with me people.

It was bedtime story time.  Claire found Jamie. I was shocked at his reaction. He cried. My husband.

Shhhh 'sok

Shhhh ‘sok

He cried when Claire left him behind. I always cried & he went ahead & cried along with me “There’s something in my eye. It’s Claire. God, Diana is good. This part is gonna be tough to watch for real.” For REAL! He said for real. These characters have become real for him. The lump in my throat became a physical thing I had to swallow.

*GULP*

I was a little surprised when he didn’t blink that Claire killed a wolf. WITH her bare hands. “Yeah…Claire killed a wolf. Now if she’d been drinking like she always does..she would have become kibble, tasty kibble, whisky kibble.” Point made.

30000084908

He knew what was coming next & all joking was aside, well maybe not all…guys gotta remain macho. “I don’t think I shoulda ate those chicken wings, my belly is a bit shaky.” “Marley – dude- you are givin me an innie.”  & the forever famous “How am I ever supposed to get a boner again after hearing you read this stuff?”

tear

No. More. Boners.Ever.

We got through Wentworth with more than a few “Holy shits” “Htf can someone even THINK of that kinda stuff to write it down?” & “I don’t even know if I can kiss your damn mouth after you said those gnarly things. “Jackie must not have been breast fed. Or loved. Ever.By anyone…was he left in a haystack by a pack of monkies?” He likes to call BJR Jackie. It is his way to emasculate HIM now.

It made me giggle when he asks to see the book jacket. “Let me see your book. I need to see who wrote this stuff again! Her? She doesn’t look like a twisted sicko…she looks sweet.Whats up with that?”

diana_gabaldon_2009

She does look sweet does’t she? *wink*

Rescuing Jamie was a high point for him. He of course KNEW that would happen (as he reminded me OVER & OVER & OVER again) as I had 7 other books on my shelves. Who the hell did I think was the hero in those? DERP!

What kinda idiot did I think he was anyway?

idjut

Let’s not answer that right now.

However, the use of cows was a pretty “crazy ass” thing to do…and even though Dougal is one of his favourite characters in both Book & in the TV show, hubcycle mentioned numerous times he was extremely disappointed in the douche move of not helping Claire out in the rescue attempt.  Saying he missed out on some huge possible “cop a feel” points if Jamie was stuck there a while.

disapo

Dougal, you have let him down…so sad

He thinks if HE was Dougal, he would have (copped a feel is MY guess). So he made sure I knew that he hopes Ron fixes that. For the record, I think he believes he is most like Dougal. More because he thinks I am most like Geillis (It must be the bat shit crazy and that they like to bang boots).

He was a fan of the hand setting. All of the “cool & groady” comments clinched it &  he really enjoyed McRannoch. He however was not a fan of the “Crisco bum” moment as he called it. For him, some things are better left unimagined. He really would rather not think about that any more than he had to.

No can commute.Delete now.

No can compute.Delete now.

Hubilicious wondered out loud if they will change the soldier that Claire kills from a 16 yr old boy to a young man…you know so all the ladies won’t get their panties turned inside out. Don’t get your panties turned inside out because I recounted his thoughts verbatim.  We both know THAT is going to be hard to watch too if they stay with that little fact. One of those things that make you go…hmmmm. Reading it is one thing…seeing it. Another.

The Abbey was hard enough for me to read on my own all 20 times I had done it.

drowning

The first time I have ever read it out loud to someone I love. THAT was tough. It was quiet. Intense. Raw. Intimate. He cried. Again. These characters have struck a chord in him.  He feels for them & with him. “You’re tearin my guts out. He said that right?”

Yeah. He did.

Until next time.

SL  ABOotlander gal

Idle minds start an Outlander Styled Commune on Deserted Scottish Isle. Way To Go Starz.

Now you’ve done it!  165 women…and counting- because wait until the other Outlander ladies in Alberta here about THIS plan. They are gonna be ALL up in our grill.  It is going to be like an episode of the Littlest Hobo being followed down that secluded highway in the middle of Ontario- only they will be on the shoulder of the QE 2 in Alberta…so much more dangerous. We are badasses like that, doncha know.

hobostreet

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down…in Scotland…LET’S GO MY BITCHES!

It has come to our attention there is an Island for sale in the extreme north of Scotland. We have mentioned we are Canadian right. Extreme north is like saying our BACKYARD. No biggy eh? They also said it was a LONELY island. All that envokes from these Canadian lasses is a in unison “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww – it’s loooooonely.  It needs a big ole Canadian bear hug. Poor little scottish isle!”

kirkpoutSo…what do the Heughliots decide? We are a smarticle bunch I tell you. It’s like we can solve all the worlds problem from a FB group.

So. It’s 250,000 pounds stirling you say eh buddy? Ok…so we do the conversion. Well, google does the conversion. Let’s not be silly. That makes it $444,896.03 Canadian dollars. (That does change by the hour so don’t send me an email telling me I’m wrong) There are 165 Heughliots, this means MATH.  I am not good at it but there is this real cool thing called a CAL-CU-LATOR that does the math for me. $2696.34 a piece.  We are not dumb girls (well except the Math thing – and that’s just me). We figure if we throw in $4000 a piece, we get the isle, lawyer fees & our airfare. Sorry- not sorry- family – I AM disappearing.  Our exotic Consuelo, thinks if you jack your investment to $6000 you also get to be one of the big guns that get first stake on the land holdings. It’s a good thing Raylean knows her math, she will be the isles accountant and sheriff, that way we can push her in a cell pretty easy if we have to.

The isle doesn’t seem too mountainous, so we need to build a munro. We figure we will build it of live lassies. And invite Sam Heughan and his friends to come bagg us. I think it would make for a fun interactive afternoon and could be quite challenging for all of us!

heughliot baggin

BEST MUNRO EVER!

So yeah…we are getting shit figured out here right good. Kathy P. She is a mental health teacher and obviously girlfriend has her work cut out for her with this lot. She might just have the hardest job on the island so she is very important to us. Not to mention she will be channeling her inner Ian because she is a wicked hand with a bow and can fish like Rollo. Really, this girl will be guarded. Tammy & Christine will be her Angus and Rupert. They may be drunk on the whisky cache half the time but that’s ok. Girls gotta do what girls gotta do. Plus think, if Cait gets a day off from filming. She has some like minded women to escape to. Eat, drink & drink. Drink some more. I am pretty sure Karen will learn how to make the stuff…

whisky

I am pretty sure our whisky cache will last 3 hours, 22 minutes and 33 seconds.

We are pretty modern folk, and this island, even though, we wouldn’t be going “back” in time, doesn’t have running water and power would need to be wind generated. Obviously, we have PLENTY of hot air.  It will be a bit of life lesson for most of us.  I am thinking many of our members will be bar wenches and on our board of directors.  It has been spoken by Raylean & Lee that body searches and auditions from the mainland WILL be needed. In fact, they are demanding them. Naturally- some of these Moms will want to bring their children. I demand we put the wee buggers into servitude.

What the Hell dude!?

UGH! Children

But for the jobs those little weak people can’t do and the houses they can’t build, we need to hire some hot men in kilts. JOB FAIR TIME! We expect a HUGE influx of hot men in kilts in canoes (they have canoes in Scotland don’t they?) Anyway, they will paddle their way into our hearts. Across the loch to Linga they will come. Applying for all the jobs we don’t want to do, but want to WATCH them do. Imagine them walking up the sandy shores into the cells we have built for them. Oh …um…wait. Delete that last statement from your frontal lobe.

Heeeeeere’s HOWIE! This man and his 21 St Century Kilts! Yeah…I have a business boner for this guy! He makes kilts…hot kilts!Wait, that’s redundant!

That sounded a bit crazy. We wont lock them up all the time, we do expect them to earn their keep.

K4

Yup, that’ll do it

The more we discuss this. The more it seems to be a reality in our fantasies.

My friends. The Canadian government got rid of the penny last year. This means the Heughliots have a lot of damn pennies laying around. They are in our junk drawers in the kitchen. They are rolled in our basement laundry room. They are in our spare room closets. They are also in our kids underwear drawers and on top of our fridges in a bowl or old coffee mug. We have them in our offices, in our pen holders…in short, no wait, that was long – we have damn pennies EVERYWHERE!  So we can afford the adorable lil island that is hugged by the Shetland Islands…like EASY!

SCOTTISH ISLE LINGA

Scottich Isle of Linga…FOR REALS!

As you might have noticed, are an eclectic group.  We can make this a functional, effective & productive place.  We have lots of talent too. Cathy, has the nursing covered. So she is our Claire…she can take care of anyone that needs it. Vitalia is our herbalist. She makes all sort of neat stuff, medicines & organic off the land foods, shampoos, candles, this neat stuff called Poo-be-Gone that makes your shit not stink (not that mine does anyway but these other folks…-our privies are going to smell like roses).She’s like a witch! If she goes of the rails…we will have our first trial and burn her or something fun like that.15 burn witch not ok

Sharon, she knits all sorts of Mrs. Fitz type stuff. So she will keep super busy keeping us all warm! Girlfriend has mad skills! Sandra can bake bread so she and Consuelo will cook up a storm. Us bitches need food. They’s cray cray but we will put up with them if they feed us. It’s simple.  There are plenty of Mom’s on our group – so they can chip in there. Kerri is our animal whisperer. There is lots of wildlife on that island…some we will eat. Some we will train – rephrase- some Kerri will train.

Personally,  I love to tell people what to do & how to do it so I will keep these people from killing each other.

Plus, I can shoot a gun.  I won’t clean what I shoot…there is bound to be someone there that will. We brought the men in for more than one reason…speaking of which-

Red will run our Bawdy house…you know, some of those boys will probably just be pretty. Everyone will have a place.

sit kilt

We have someone that will be keeping chronicle of our time there. Nikki…she is a great artist so she will be painting as we go. Like Brianna would have if she had come along with us…and if she gets crabbit and bitchy…we will take turns calling her Jocasta. Hmmmm, wait, never mind, I don’t want me to go down in history looking like this.

Study-Girl-Mr-Bean-dailyfunnyphotos.com_

Kim keeps us all in check and will be our pseudo lawyer- Nedesque. Wendy & Wendy are jacks of all trades plus Cheryl & her mom Lesley babysit us all. Everyone needs the Bugs – well, without the psycho part. This is the commune that has it all. You know you wanna hang with us. We will have a Bed & Breakfast on the Isle and will start taking reservations in 2016.

May I mention, the last known inhabitant of this island…1931 was CAPTAIN JAMES FRASER!!!

WHAT THE WHA?!?!

holy

That is some crazy jacked up shit! I really wonder if the seller threw that in there to get some crazy Outlander fan to buy the island. Cuz…ummm…if they did. IT WORKED. 165 of us are throwing our pennies in the pot!  We might want to bring some of that with us. You know…to keep things interesting!

Go ahead, leave a comment, tell us how crazy we are- not that we aren’t aware.

SL Heughliot @ Large-

Here is a wee PostScript – there is an island for sale. No…the heughliots are not buying it. Satire my friends. Like 99.99% of all of our blog spurts. We aren’t very good at serious.