Episode 16 In the Flesh -TRAMS- Tobias Really Ain’t Maiming Sam…really.

June 8, 2015 by Sherry W.

Who else is glad that is over? Raise your hand!

Me…me…me too…uh-huh…yup…us!

As much as we are not looking forward to #NaughtLander – I was perfectly fine with Episode 16 “To Ransom a Mans Soul” being one hour long, because the one hour felt like WAY longer. It made me feel like a virgin. You know what I mean. It was verra uncomfortable indeed.

“Got my tight pants on!”….Yeah…this is not comfortable for anyone. Really.

As per usual before I get into my blogburst, I like to tap into what I see as a bit o’ silliness that plagues the fandom. I found out recently that the likes of myself – you know the type. We, who enjoy the show for the show & the books for the books. Separately. We, that do not believe the 2 should be compared nor interwoven specimens…because they are, ummm…not the same things. We are called drumroll please Kool-Aid Drinkers. Heehee…Kool-aid. Yeah. Which makes this even funnier to me is – those who who use this term may often be offended or dissuade others from using descriptions such as “pearl clutcher”, “poutlander” & any number of other equally insulting terms that will offend someone. This term is deemed O.K. to use even though it has a particularly ugly meaning behind it, because it was given its blessing from groups who feel everyone’s opinions matter, except those who think that it’s ok to love something for what it is and those who express that they don’t believe being negative is a productive way to be & choose to say so. Kool-aid. Wanna sip? Tsk Tsk.

I don’t particularly “like” Kool-aid but I DO think the Kool-aid man is cool as hell! I also think if you embrace a term & own it, you take the power away others have given it. Soooooooooooooooo…

This is the kinda kool-aid we are serving…come and have a glass! It happens to be sweetened with good intentions. There is kindness instilled in it. We only want the fans to see the best in what is happening with the series. It is, in fact separate from the books…this has been said from the VERY beginning. Whether you CHOOSE to hear the facts – well, this only affects our happiness with the process. No one has tried to fool or trick us into believing anything different. When you lay back and relax…the bumps are way easier to take, you might even be able to enjoy them.

We have fallen into the land of #WithoutLander.

#DroughtLander2.0 has started… there is #NaughtLander. As you can see – I can go on all effing day if I wanted to & I likely will come up with many many more before the jig is up in the fall of 2016. Chances are, you will put up with my crap because, as fans, it is what we do. We read what we love…AND we read what we hate. It is a CRAZY…oh wait…mentally hilarious phenomenon. That WILL keep this world alive. Not destroy it like some say.

These blogbursts won’t stop because the series is on hiatus. Honestly…I will just have to get more creative.

This might be the point you are afraid...

This might be the point – you become… afraid…

and you thought BJR was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Me…trying to be creative. That might be a whole other bag of nuts folks. Mixed nuts. Big…ole…bag.

You know I am trying to avoid talking about something when I am 500 words in & haven’t started. This is like having the sex talk with the sons but start talking about how they haven’t cleaned their room in the last week instead. Still ending up focusing on the balled up sock in the corner of the room. Yeah…yeah…yeah…I KNOW. I have to talk about it – but where’s their Dad…Can’t HE?

That’s a good idea actually. Hub’s watched episode 16 with me. Twice. Shockingly. We’ll go at it like that. Since you know I’m a gutterdweller – I shall sit down here but try not to be you know…too gross and or offensive. However, expect a few groans. Just…do.

We get the title credit again. Yeah…gutterslug I am…beads n oil. I know what is happening in this episode – I don’t even wanna know what that other thing is gonna be . Yup…I know I am going to hell – I might as well take the express bus. Move over- I know you are in the back seat, hiding…you wouldn’t be reading this blogburst if you weren’t there.

Then…then…drums, flutes, what sounds like recorders. Remember recorders guys? Elementary school…we all had to have recorders? Play 3 blind mice? We were so cool.

eyeroll Just like him. Really. 3 blind mice with the squeal at the end killed his Pirates of the Caribbean out of the water. Whatever.

Uh-huh…sure…show off.

Those english dudes at the prison, they were pretty in tune but the men at arms, my ex-Army hubby really wanted them to be more practiced. Sloppy, out of line…tsk tsk…just foolin’

I kinda wished we had more time to critique the english soldiers because yeah…we went right on into the deep dark dank dungeon cell of hell and torment which housed our hero Jamie. We immediately get a glimpse at his bloodied body & lifeless eyes. It causes some serious cognitive dissonance when you have that cheery drumming and recorder playing happening in the background & you have Jamie’s face – telling you this story. Then we pan…ugh…

Here’s JACKIE!

Never a reassuring thing.

Captain CreepMaster General is so supine it’s almost distracts you from the fact that he is completely naked AGAIN. Tobias has zero issues with his Aunt Gail seeing him in the all together. You know, I think he might think to himself “Hope Aunty Gail tunes in! That’d teach her for buying me that hideous sweater back in ’85”

Back to the soldiers & cheery loud tunes – I feel like I am being torn back n forth. Put me outta my misery!

just too much & we just started. This aint right.

Wait…was that me or Jamie asking. It was both of us. CCMG owes him a debt & for a moment, it looks like he is going to pay up but SQUIRREL! Ole Captain hears a noise and curiosity done squishes the cat.

Much to Jamie’s horror. He leaves him in the cell to go check out what’s shaking in the halls. There is some crazy noises happening & he is far too nosey for his own good.

Another one of those teachable moments right there. You hear noises you can’t explain. Might be best NOT to look. Dumbass. However, I liked seeing your face get stepped on, I didn’t literally see it, though I imagined it because I despise CCMG and that to me, happy thoughts!

Rupert, Angus & Murtagh…Team RAM (TRAM…Do we see a theme…cool huh?!) Scramble through the basement of the prison looking for Jamie & find him as the kine cause havoc in the halls & throughout the courtyard. The music via Bear McCreary & the kine seriously did a wicked job of kicking the scene up a knotch here. The kine do NOT have a twitter account…I really am not sure what is going on, seems the crazy is slipping…sad. Anywhoo…Team RAM played this scene with vigor! I loved the determination to get Jamie out of there and it was clear to us how OUT OF IT Jamie was.

Seriously, Murtagh is like the scottish Apollo in that moment, Jamie wrapped in the plaid slung over his shoulder & him marching out the door like a boss!

I loved the wagon ride & escape. The chaos of that was happening at the prison with interchanges of Team RAM escaping with Jamie. Claire waiting in the road…ummmm…hunny…unpause it. Hunny…HUNNY! Sheesh. I think my husband really likes it when Claire wears breeches. Both times we watched, I got a view of this –

Yup, gotta admit it. She’s got a cute bum. The joys of watching with the man of the house – equal opportunity in the admiration department.

Between her distress & impatience, the look on her face…no words are needed. This woman sucks us straight into her anxiety. I was THISCLOSE to popping an ativan when we spotted Team RAM coming over the crest of the hill. This was the episode that was like a Led Zeppelin song, a minute seems like a lifetime and you are having Tea for One. I’d look at the clock thinking it has to be almost over…and ummmm…no…52 more minutes left.

We get a taste of the mashed potatoes that Jamie’s brains have been whipped into when he see’s Claire AS Black Jack…right there in his face. He wraps his good hand around her sweet delicate neck and squeezes until Rupert & Murtagh get him off of her. He tells Claire “Dinna touch me” – One more huge clue – this is not the Jamie we know. His mind has been sliced and diced like it’s been in a chop-o-matic.

He starts in on the Gaelic saying stuff like “Claire- you just morphed into Jackface! That’s wiggin me out!” (Really he said…Let me go die.) Murtagh was like “Hey Bro! Cut that shit out! She has a pretty neck…even if you don’t like it…we do!” Jamie gets all snippy with him too. You gotta admit, he is probably pretty hangry about now and could use a snickers bar like nobodies business & snaps -in Gaelic- at Murtagh to mind his own damn business clag-tail face! (Really, he said something like “Put an end to my torment!” Which sounds way more logical however- clag-tail face- takes the edge off & sends you all on a google search so…) Murtagh’s had enough of this crap and tells him to shut the hell up, he’s not listening to this crap- they have places to go…people to do. (In fact, he said ” I won’t listen to this!”) Yeah…I was right-ish.

Back on the run they go with a wee but of chuffin’ from Rupert. That wagon ride must have been hellabouncey!

Same ride in today’s vehicle…looks like a party

We hear the bells of a church yard. We see a familiar face, it’s wee Willie. Good to see him again. He introduces us to Father Anselm. This is a character from the books, that has been adapted for the screen in such a lovely manner. As has the Abbey itself. It really doesn’t matter when it is all broken down.

Truth is they had to condense a ridiculous amount of the book into one hour & the adaptation isn’t really meant to please each book reader it is meant to convey a story to an audience – TRUTH-

Really hard to swallow innit?

Adaptations were made that didn’t change plot lines but changed “things”. Brother to Father…not in the creepy way though. Anselm was a dream – reacting before she finished sentences & taking them in.

Brother Paul, the respect & dignity he showed Claire – the care he gave Jamie…I quite liked the bald headed lil monks they had poking about. The background players were extremely complimentary to the scenes. Letting Claire know…dude’s body is in baaaaaad shape sister but his mind… a few french fries short of a happy meal & is gonna need some serious help. Claire seems to know this but had more pressing matters at hand.

See what I did there?

Jamie’s moans & cries brought her back to the fact that maybe she did need to deal with this broken soul thing. She tries to talk to him, soothe him but nope…none of that. Sometimes we ask questions that we REALLY do not want the answers to but need them. This is what happens here…although Claire didn’t get her answer – WE did. It was Flashbang #1. Everyone were calling them flashbacks…that’s too light of a word for me. These were far too traumatic & gutpunchy. FlashBANG…much more effective.

Yes I know this “technically” is not a flashbang but I really love this gif…*snort*

Plus…this next part is icky and we have to talk about it.

We have the leisure of seeing good ole dead Marley. All covered in shudder rats shudder. Those narsty vermin are my kryptonite. Sorry..not sorry…I can not STAND effin rats…rodents..little tails swishing

Too much narsty in one small vile thing….just….ewwww.

Digression. Yeah. Sorry. Jamie is still sitting, nailed to the table where Captain Creepy last left him – he is nearly passed out from pain it seems but has the presence of mind to make sure Claire has left the prison. This just proves how twisted Captain Creepy is. He is so pleasant with Jamie. ” I give you my word, here, have a drink…let me make you more comfortable while I yank that bloody nail from your hand – it’s going to be a trifle uncomfy. Be over quick…just a pinch. Oh dear…you’ve puked all over the floor…that’s all right, I will cradle you gently in my arms like a young child and kiss you tenderly like a sweetheart I once had.. Know why? ‘Cause I am a nice guy. You can see that right? Nice guy…dingy nasty cell…hole in your hand…forcing my tongue in your mouth. Come on- play along! It’s all better now, we are going to have a lovely time, you only have to be receptive. Here laddie”

It’s moments like these you wish this mofo had the internet. Here…go to http://www.immasickbastardDOTcom and get rid of some of your twistyMctwisterson bullshit and leave poor Jamie outta it man!

Ah if we could only redirect the the insanity!

Ole CreepMaster goes in for a let’s say frenchier kiss & complains at the lack of enthusiasm that his partner is displaying – decides that some threats against Claire are in order. Jamie makes it clear that he said he wouldn’t “resist”.He is NOT going to “participate”. Probably not the best plan of action. CreepMaster now had a point to prove & it was that Jamie, would participate, whether he liked it or not. At least his body would participate.

He lifted him up to a sitting position and showed Jamie…and all of us that – our bodies can have minds of their own. Physical response has little to do with emotional response when it comes to reflex. I noticed in some of social media out there, a few women had a difficult time grasping this concept. Saying it made men seem weak minded, not in control. Ummmm WHAT THE HELL? Our bodies have reflexes…men & women alike – Let me advise. Men have external organs that are easier to get to. This also goes straight to victim shaming & I won’t play THAT game with anyone.

No really….go…see ya…buh bye now.

Bodies can, will & often physically respond to sexual stimulation. CCMG took this as a sign that he was controlling Jamie’s body. Adding some words of graciousness you know “Only want you to like it.” You could see how much Jamie was trying to fight his bodies response & was getting angry with himself for not being able too. Throwing it back at Creepy, tells him just get it over with already…he hawked a big ole loogie in Creepy’s face. Ya know – maybe not the greatest idea at the time because it really pissed him off.

Captain Creepy is still calm for a microsecond asking “You think I can not control the darkness I inhabit?” like…implying he can…but he completely loses his shit! Guess what you sadistic freakshow – there is NO controlling that darkness. That darkness just went batshit crazy & Jamie was on the bottom of it. Quite literally.

Creepy proceeds to brutally rape Jamie – telling him to scream – well – that HURT. Physically…it HURT…emotionally it HURT…everything about that moment HURT. “I” screamed at my TV right along with Jamie. DAMN YOU Creepy…you rotten SOB.

I don’t look like Stevie boy but I sure as hell sounded like him!

That was the portion of our show my hubby hid his face. He really didn’t like it. Nope.

Don’t. Like. This. Part.

FlashBANG over. None too soon either. Geez…Sam…whatever places you had to go…you went. I have this inkling our Tobias – he has a bit of that steele in his veins. He comes up with some pretty sinister shit with the writers to add in. Fingers in mouths, licking backs, faces. On the Ira/Moore podcast he thought “Hey, let’s use dead Morley as a mattress.” Ummmmm…

That boy…he ain’t right.

He goes places. In his head. Which makes his acting…that much more terrifying. I’m really glad Ira was like Ummmm Tobias – Richard really hasn’t done anything to you…rats are one thing dude…THAT…totally another. Let’s not. It doesn’t mean Tobias is freakydeaky…it means he is a thinker, he gets into his characters head & he can go to those places. I think it’s a study of how far can he go…they tell him when “Yeah…far enough.”

Sam, I am guessing, this…is an educated guess, seems an introvert. This exposure, quite literally, must have been exhausting for him. I have heard many words to describe his performance in this episode. Many I wholeheartedly agree with. The ones “I” choose – brave, raw & fascinating. I know NOW what Diana was talking about when she said she looked forward to this. As difficult as it is to watch someone you care about go through this…and I CARED…it was enthralling. Encompassing. Why? Because HE made me CARE. Tobias made me CARE. Cait made me LOVE them together. They did that as ACTORS.

: That is like, way cooler than all this stuff thrown together in one GIF!

We so often get all whipped up in the who did it better than – we forget they DO it together. We so often get so wrapped up in our favourites that we dismiss the beauty of how well they work as an ensemble & obviously love one another. (Now keep your heads on. Love means many different things to many different people) They wouldn’t be able to portray this so well without respecting one another.

Ooops I did it again. Sorry. Not Sorry.

There were words spoken prior to Claire setting Jamie’s hand. That’s it. They were spoken. Jamie was telling Claire – he didn’t care. He was trying to let her know in his way that he was lost from her & she…stubborn as he…wasn’t hearing him. She was focused on healing him. She knew…yes…he was broken. One of these things she KNEW how to fix. She had to deal with first. I truly adore the way these two play off one another. They are a brilliant balance. They don’t even need the words sometimes. Frig knows…the makeup/prop department sure as hell killed it as far the whole business with fixing up Jamie’s hand went.

: That looked pretty…gross…n…gross.

Sure …things have to look realistic. They did. Graphic even. Bones jutting out, skin being tugged at and sewn together. Hearing the bones scraping together, seeing the blood squishing. There are people who squirm ‘n gag at sights like that. There are folks who “ooooh & ahhhh”. There are even ones that sit on the edge of their seat & examine the scene for inconsistencies because they are in the medical profession. Whichever you are -I think we can agree, they did a friggen sweet job of it.

The voice over helped me through this scene. Concentrating on her words made me not want to toss my cookies. The way she wrapped it in that crazy contraption was SO cool looking. Rigged up & completely not like something ‘perfect’. So it was. Primitive & barbaric. Like the wounds that were beneath the bandages.

Claire is sent to bed by Brother Paul- he will take care of him. She needs her rest. She leaves the room. Walking through the halls, she starts making some retching noises then goes ahead & pukes. Hubby pipes up & says. “She’s knocked up isn’t she…she’s been puking EVERYWHERE!”

Considering we read Outlander a few months ago for our #Bedtimestories, it’s not a shocker he thinks he is figuring something new out.

GOOD BOY

It’s always nice to be watching the show & have wee bits from the book pop in. For someone who does adore the books, it is like finding a $5.00 bill in the pocket of someone’s jeans when you are doing the wash (or so my hubby tells me). This added sweetness is Father Anselm & Claire’s moment in the chapel. It’s familiar yet still different. It is poignant & meaningful. Claire essentially confesses all to him. Taking the chance that she may very well be sitting next to another Father Bain ~

However, I think she knew his heart from the start. His kindness was apparent. Hubcicle & I looked at one another with big ole dumb grins on our faces when he turned to Claire & said “How marvelous…a miracle perhaps” such a different reaction from what she had expected. We know that Claire never particularly found herself to be a woman of faith but in that moment – there was calm. It seemed her reserve was restored. It was an awesome moment and even though the powers that be said it was moved all around in post production. They put it in the perfect spot. It fit just right.

: Sure, Jesus is cool…some of his followers give me the heebies *cough* Bain *cough*

The next day, Jamie is still refusing to eat & he is running a fever. Claire lets him know even though his hand looks like hamburger, it’s coming along nicely. He’s none too receptive however. He doesn’t want to be saved. That’s just not nice. She’s trying…really really trying.

We cut scene to the boys, Angus thinks its just a good idea to get drunk. Being sober sure as flip isn’t going to cure Jamie. Murtagh is confident that Claire can heal Jamie’s wounds but he knows that Jamie isn’t eating – that bothers him. Willie tells a tale of his uncle who did the same after an accident…starved himself he did. Uplifting story Willie. Thanks for sharing. Someone smack him would you? Thanks Angus. Nice aim!

I do like Willie. A lot. He can be a dumb kid sometimes & they do to dumb kids what I WANT to do to dumb kids. Good cuff upside the head. You know…in a kind way ahem

Annnnnnnnyway…One of my favourite scenes in the show is between Murtagh & Jamie. I can’t understand a bloody word they are saying because non hablez de gaelic. Uh-huh…I’m a canucklehead through and through. Sorry. If you DO want to know the conversation.Turns out, it is as touching & gut wretching as they portray it. Hit up this website. They even spell Gaidhlig with the lil accenty things all fancy n stuff.

You can see the heartbreak on Murtagh’s face. The despair on Jamie’s as well. For about a second I want them to take the cameras off of their faces because it is too painful. THEN the show WENT to the next scene…GAH go back. Please! I would rather them go back to the heartbreak & despair faces…yeah…please.

It is another flashBANG…and a bad one. Jamie dragging himself across the dungeon of dooms cold floor. He is naked in a way that angers us. He is bloodied in various places that make us want to go all mamabear. He is struggling across the stones, vomiting & looking very much – destroyed.

The bastard…aka…oh…I have so many names for him right now, none of them the least bit flattering and some might even burn your retinas when you read them. I am hating on him THAT much. Tobias PLAYED that character so well it made me angry to see his smug, priggish sigh whatever. Smug as usual. Wanting to know if Jamie has reached his limit. Geez…I WONDER? When you start hallucinating “Claire Jack Randall”…you know shit’s done gone sideways and your cheese done fell of your cracker.

: Those 2 faces really shouldn’t melt together like that. Nightmares – daymares – night terrors – day terrors…that’s what THAT face is made of.

Its apparent Jamie keeps reaching for the one thing that gives him solace. Claire. Creep Master doesn’t want him to have any part of it then lights to the realization that- “Hmmm this Claire thing can really mess with the boy.” To watch Claire’s image fade from Jamie’s grasp & him curl up in a naked ball & cry like a babe was simply heartbreaking. How’d we all manage not curl up with him? I wanted to spoon him. But…he was pretty grimy. I have standards. kidding I don’t.

CCMG played the Claire Card…wanted Jamie’s surrender. “Are you mine?” Jamie – confused, broken & out of his head- heard Creepy but saw Claire. “Yes, only you.” Jamie said in his addled state. The sadistic dick at this point didn’t care HOW he got Jamie’s surrender- he just wanted it. He didn’t care Jamie was out of his head delusional, he wanted him complacent – that was how he got him.

There is no better term for it than mindbuggery. (I don’t believe the term existed before now, I am pretty sure I made it up- well inadvertently Diana made it up – I just named what he did to Jamie.) Captain Creepy took a walk to his bag of tricks hanging in the room & pulled out his seal…heated in the huge lantern to a red hot brand & sauntered…yeah…the twisted frito chip sauntered over to Jamie & pointed to a place on his chest. Casually telling him to show him that he was Jamie’s. Mindbuggery folks.

Jamie had a moment…a small moment where there was defiance. The brand did not make it to the spot on his chest where Captain Creepy intended it to go. Jamie did brand himself. However the brand was on his ribs. The look on CCMG’s face was something like…well…that wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it’ll do.

Every. Single.Time. Post production did a brilliant job of taking us out of that cell. Jamie was laying weak & wasted in that sonofablankityblanks arms, with me wishing I could reach through the screen and tear him from his grasp when they put him back in the bed of the Abbey, rubbing his brand.

Oh how I wish things were this simple for our Jamie *sigh*

I just wanna reach through that big ole screen and kiss his booboo better…the brand one, the other…well. No.

The group gathers as Willie rides up after doing some recon. Redcoats are going to get closer & they know they have to get Jamie out of there. They also know he isn’t getting better, if they wait much longer…well…monks don’t make good warriors do they?

They do the geography. France. That is the safest place for them right now. Murtagh makes a point of stating he will secure a ship. Always durable. Always reliable. Murtagh.

Willie’s up next. Oh…sorry…that sounded naughty. O.k. maybe it only sounded naughty to us pervyMcperversons. I expect by now the majority of those reading this particular burst…ah…are. Annnnywhoo…Willie, concerned for Jamie & wanting to see if he can help checks up on him. He isn’t a stupid kid like some of the men treat him. He sees the value of the relationship between Jamie & Claire. He tries to get Jamie to see it again. Granted he isn’t fully aware of the torment Jamie has suffered. Still he asks what he can do. Jamie, seeing the blade Willie carries, asks for it. So he can end things…once and for all.

I heard of a huge outcry from fans about this particular scene. Saying Jamie would NEVER kill himself. Ummmm hey folks…what do you think he was trying to do in the book when he wasn’t eating & pushing everyone away…same thing…different means. Yup. Again, Jamie was in a different frame of consciousness – not the Jamie we know & love. Not the Jamie he had grown into. It was “this” experience that helped him become the man that would never do that. Maybe? Perhaps?

Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm

Of course Willie tells him to get bent, leaves & tattles on him to Claire. SHE then goes straight to Murtagh…who is her Dear Abby. First Murtagh is happily telling her he has booked passage on a ship but he quickly reads her face & trails off .She tells him of Jamie wanting Willie to kill him & grasps from Murtagh’s look that he knew about Jamie’s state of mind. Claire knew too…we all know that but she was sailing down the river denial.

Claire sure as hell doesn’t think being tortured & raped is enough reason to want to die…hell…look at all the crap SHE has been through & SHE keeps keeping on. Okey Dokey says Murtagh but if Jamie falls so far down a hole we can’t get him out…I’m not going to watch him suffer…I will take him out! That would be kinda like pulling the plug in today’s view I’d say.

This is when Claire…faints…dead away. Big fat hairy hint to everyone.

In the next scene she comes to with Brother Paul caressing her neck & Murtagh feebly tapping his hand on his dirk & being very anxious. Here- I vere off – I LOVE what Duncan Lacroix has done with this character. He has completely given life to him that I never expected. I adored Murtagh in the books,but because I connect to introverted & awkward folks. It is like Duncan grasped onto that & not only gave Murtagh this…dimension of being…but gave him an added bit of personality that makes you smile, just seeing him. Man…he made me laugh out loud when he said “Scairt the piss right outta me.” He had the decency to look abashed because the monk was in the room with them. Which gave us a breather. We needed it! Murtagh has become a steady – not just for Claire but for the audience.

Murtagh calls it like it is. Jamie can’t be pulled from the darkness that is eating him up unless someone goes into that darkness after him. It’s quite simple really. You see Claire think about this & this woman -who has faced down evil priests, witch hunters, scorned teenage girls (those are SCARY), sadistic freaks of nature, english deserters with rape in mind…yeah…she knows she can handle going into the dark reaches of the mind of the man she loves more than life itself. She has this covered.

Claire starts the prep work. First on the list… girlfriend is making some lavender oil. She means business. Take no prisoners, she is getting her man back.

She goes into Jamie’s room & he is already having bad dreams, she puts the oil under his nose. He hears Captain Creepy’s voice & sees his sick smiling face looming over his bed at him. When Claire speaks again, it is her face there…mocking him & this sets Jamie into confusion. He tells her to leave him be- she’s all “Yeah right…tried that…look where it has gotten us. I’m trying something else.” The more she pushes Jamie…the more Captain Creepy’s mindbuggery pushes forward. Jamie can’t help but see HIS face like he was seeing CLAIRE’S in the cell. Jamie snaps, he throws Claire to the ground but due to the fact she is ready…girlfriend gives his a swift kick and a few good smacks. Jamie is pretty weak – you know…when you don’t eat or take care of yourself, you get on the flimsy side. He manages to get her on the floor telling her he doesn’t want to hurt her. Yeah…think about that will you. You ARE hurting her A LOT! You want to kill yourself AND you won’t tell her why! That buddy…that hurts a whole helluvalot more than throwing a girl around a room. In the struggle she tears at his…ummm…I’m not even sure what to call what he is wearing. It’s not really a nighty or ever a strip of cloth. It effectively covered all his man bits. Manbit loinwear? Anyway. She tore at it…and saw the JR branding.

: What? What’s that?

She think she KNOWS he was branded. Tries to tell him that it’s alright but he tells her nope.Not alright. HE is the one that branded himself. That means it goes way deeper. It’s time Jamie told her the truth. Claire didn’t WANT to hear the words but knew he NEEDED to say them…to free himself of them.

It’s true you know – if we let things go in that way. It can free us of an inner torture. Give our pain away to someone who doesn’t “feel” it the way we do.

Toger Brings you LIFE LESSONS

He tells her that the sick & twisted pretzel brain didn’t just use force on him…he made love to him. It was an admission you could tell he never wanted to share with her. Frankly – what man WOULD want to?

This is something that hasn’t changed in centuries with male victims of sexual violence & assault. I worked with victim services for many many years. Male victims are out there. Male victims are much quieter & there is a huge stigma attached to “being” a victim. Survivors of assault & rape rarely come forward. There are so many complex reasons. More than any one person could begin to explain. Shame is only one of the reasons. Victim shaming is abhorrent and I am a shame the shamer kinda gal.

Jamie takes another trip down flashBANG lane. This is the one that many people had a problem with. This is the one some claimed wasn’t in the book. It’s all about how we “read” & “percieve”.

Jamie is clearly out of it. He wakes momentarily to see his tormentor getting washed up. Thanks pal. Mighty kind of you to be conscious of your physical hygiene since your mind is a dirty as a toilet seat in a 1 star hotel. eyeroll

Captain Creepy wakes our Jamie with some of that stank in a bottle. He starts another round of his mindbuggery. He brings Claire to Jamie’s mind – speaking of her hands as he brings his over Jamie’s body with oil. With the delusion & unimaginable pain he has been in – the escape of the words “Think of your wife.” brought a resounding “YEAH! Think of CLAIRE…get the hell out of that room!” from even my husband. After all – Jamie thought he was supposed to die shortly – if he FOUGHT this process – he surely would have suffered greater pain – YEP…this was not a scene that was “enjoyable” to watch. It certainly was not “comfortable”. However…it had a purpose. Captain Creepy USED Jamie’s LOVE for Claire. He USED Jamie’s NEED for Claire and his NEED for comfort to get what he WANTED. The mindbuggery goes into full on buggery & he breaks Jamie completely. He gets our Jamie to surrender completely. The rotten sonofawhoseawhatyawannacallhim got exactly what he wanted.

: OMG That makes me SO angry!

Jamie…breaks…he realizes exactly what just went down. The release was inevitable. He faces the fact that at the hands of this monster he gave over everything. He cries like a child & Captain Creepy has the nuts to say “I understand, she will never forgive you.” Ummmmm really? This guy is more twisted than a balloon animal.

That’s finally over & we are back on the floor of the Abbey with Jamie & Claire. He tells her straight up – he was glad not to feel pain for a bit in that moment. She needed to let him know that whatever he was thinking he had to know that there was nothing to forgive. He was sure he was “less” to her because of it – because he was broken by him. That quite pissed her off. The words she speaks, she speaks with heart & vehemence. Jamie- throws them back at her.

He weakly gets back onto the bed. Tells her, he is disgusted with himself. THAT…that right there makes Claire go into I’M your wife mode. She forces him to SEE HIMSELF as SHE sees him. She forces him into the position she has been in. Take yourself from ME will you? Then fine. I go too.

You know…often we only need to see ourselves as others see us to get a fresh perspective. Sitting staring through our own self pity…looking down at ourselves, it so much different than when someone physically holds a mirror up and says HERE! THIS IS WHAT I SEE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. POWERFUL. REMARKABLE & I LOVE IT BECAUSE…

Moving on quickly to cutting that JR brand out. Big hunka charred flesh scooped & flung into the fire quick as may be. Quite a few loogey’s hawked in this episode. The last one sizzled on the fire with the man meat of Jamie’s rib. Yet another scar to add to his collection. Seriously Jamie, you are like a good ole fashion TIMEX

Takes a lickin alright…

To the shores for our goodbyes with the men. Rupert & Angus are always good for a laugh with their banter. Of course, this is the last time for a while. Angus had to leave us with something memorable. A handful of fans were not impressed by his behaviour- uncalled for & the like…we might want to remember he’s often used for comic relief & to take our minds off things of a serious nature. The series isn’t going to last forever folks, let’s not take everything so seriously – especially the likes of Angus aye?

: Yes this is the face we are to take seriously…

I must say, I do find Jamie looks quite appealing in his tricorn hat. Wait.I’d find Jamie appealing shaved bald with a polka dotted beanie. Never mind. My observations are futile.

The way Willie stood on the shore…staring out at them as they sailed away gave me pause. Made me believe – we could be seeing young Willie sooner than later.

: Maybe we do…yeah…that’d be cool. Willie in France! I’m just making guesses not starting rumours. It’s only a rumour if you repeat it.

On the ship, Jamie is trying to get his sea legs, which is hard because he isn’t very sea worthy. Claire too…green around the gills it seems. They chat about how both are Pukey McPukersons – then Claire & Jamie start talking about their future in France. What they will be doing? Where they will go? The rising…if they can stop it. I keep on looking at Jamie’s hand. Damn that’s dark. Bruised and nasty. Keep talking though guys, I hear you. Claire wants to stop Culloden from happening. She all but convinces Jamie they can change the future if they try.

Shhhhh….we aren’t going to talk about THAT!

But now…she has something else to tell him. SOMETHING ELSE? You wanna change the future. That’s a lot right there sister. Now what? You wanna fly to the moon? You wanna set Murtagh up with the chambermaid?

Claire tells Jamie she has a little bundle of Fraser baking in her bunnery! OH GOODY! Yeah, all of us book readers knew…know…but they have been playing with the adaption so we can never be 100% sure what they are going to do with things. This was a great way to play it. Jamie’s face was blank…WTF?! How’d that happen-ness! Sure, he “knows” HOW it happens but as far as he was aware, Claire wasn’t able to have babies. She isn’t wrong often but this time. YUP! Wrong! Jamie hit the baby making button.

: Can’t wait till he learns about these lil fellas!We will get there! I know we will! YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH!

It’s hard to judge by his face if he is happy because he looks so confused. He uttered a little gaelic…could have been interpreted as “holy shit”. Read the scots blog I posted earlier and they tell you what he said there too. She simply asks him if he is happy. The gap between his thoughts & his heart collide. He never thought he would be happy again. But he is. VERRA VERRA HAPPY INDEED! They embrace with such enthusiasm I wanted to jump into it! In fact, they drew Murtagh to them…the smile on his face…well damnit.

Won’t cry…Won’t…..WAAAAHH

They leave us with the most gorgeous view of our couple standing on the deck of the ship together. Staring out into their future. Jamie looking down to his wife & growing child. The ship turning…headed to- well- France right?

We have entered the land of #NaughtLander.

Look how beautiful it can be though. Don’t let it get you down. ENJOY IT.: GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!

Do not despair. There is so much for fans to do.

We promise to be here for you. Whether you like it or not. I will continue to provide my own personal brand of edutainment. This fandom is FULL of talent. I am gonna be throwing a bunch of it at you. Check out our twitter @ABOotlanders . This is where we LIVETWEET with each episode. As we watch on Showcase. We furiously tweet. In fact our magic tweeters started the #OutlanderCAN. Which I will brag @ABOotlanders got to trend during episodes 8 and 16. Canadians don’t brag but we toot our own tooters when tooting is justified. It takes a team of us @tlmfarmgirl is my TwitterTrending Posse…xo

We love to share the love. Not, like STD share but you know…the other share.

See…clean share…not dirty… *eyelash flutter*

That wasn’t so bad. I know it took me a while to get to Episode 16. No…it wasn’t because I was scairt either. It was because…get ready…I have this thing that gets in the way sometimes. It is called a life. UGH! I know right. RUDE!

Plus I love to hear from you. Comment – blab- chat away. I will answer.

SL/Sher or Hey You…the ABOotiest of ABOotlanders

They went there. You know…to Wentworth.

May 19, 2015 by Sherry W.

and it was worth it.

I am going to forewarn you. You generally come back to this blogburst because I make you laugh. Just because Wentworth has the climate it has. Doesn’t mean I am going to be dark and foreboding with no humour. It means it my humour will most likely be darker and more foreboding. It will seem more likely that I will be going to hell more quickly & if you laugh at the things I say, I will be in good company when I get there…presuming you die first.

Just Kidding…kinda…sorta.

We won’t have debates over heaven & hell. It’s all one big party to me.

You have the right & the freedom to stop reading this blogburst at any time. I do not say that with callousness or any inclination of rudeness. I say that with a kind heart and open mind. The same as I ask for you to have if you choose to keep reading.

The humour I have is…mmmm….occasionally dry. Like a popcorn fart. It can be “in your face groan worthy”…you know…Grandpa humour, only I’m only semi old, no penis & don’t have hair growing out of my ears…yet. Sometimes it can be downright slap your knee …”Girlfriend…YOU AIN’T RIGHT!” That is of course, me, just talking to myself.

: Me n Kitty think I am freakin hilarious! In our own minds of course

Continue, carry on, hang out with me or…don’t. I wont be offended. Know why? I won’t even know!

I will be offended if you continue to read then decide it is in your best interest to bitch about my being crass or my insensitivity to the subject matter cuz…well…shit. I warned you didn’t I?

You know, it is episodes like this one…and The Garrison that I am so incredibly thankful to Bear McCreary. He settles our bellies before each episodes starts. So kind of him…and go to his website and look at his face…he really is a sweet looking man.

I always think of our @ABOotlander crew when I watch too, how they are going to cope. One…Our Tobias adorer. Karen…when Tobias has Black Jack (AKA Captain Creep Master General) out to play, many of our ABOotlander crew have the pitchforks at the ready. Karen on the other hand…has her popcorn, comfy blanket and lipstick on. Girlfriend has her protective armour on for him. Posting things like this to remind us, and pictures of Tobias holding puppies…the furry kind – not the boobie kind.

Of course we all love Tobias…we love how good he is at making us despise that sunnuvawhosawhatRandall. Digression…OVER.

The title cards have become something I look forward to each week. Last weeks The Search one was one of my favourites with the marionettes & the stones. Freakin fabulous…and honest to frig…Wentworth Prison. COME ON!

Was I looking into a friend’s bedroom? *snort* I LOVED it. It was brilliant. The iron mask.

shudder

I really could see in my looney mind’s eye, Diana’s face light up watching that. Not because I think she is deranged…I don’t. I think for her to see this come to fruition – to see her name on THAT particular title card – to see the depth of work, not necessarily the darkness but hear the metal & honour…yeah…I could almost see the pride she was feeling. It made me incredibly HAPPY for her.

THIS…RIGHT HERE. Got me…right…THERE in the feels – all of them.

Then we get the opening scene. Nothing like a WHOOMP there it is moment eh? Wentworth Prison…let’s get right on with it shall we?

Let’s waste NO time

We get no preludes, no foreplay, no light kisses on the neck before they just start snappin them. One neck… after the other. The hangmans noose stretching. *Blink Blink* I am really trying to get the sound of cracking walnuts outta my head but it’s not going anywhere.

Interesting when Mom’s get together conversation usually turns to childbirth, sex or pooping…so.. about to be hanged men…talk about poopin’ too. These must be universal topics of conversation. Granted Jamie seems to want to change the topic to, you know…escaping or at least taking out a few guards before he goes out. Taran, he really likes to hear himself talk though. Chatty, that guy…I like his voice…liked…liked his voice. As long as it lasted.

Turns out, you probably shouldn’t bad mouth the people who are tying your noose for you. They tend not to take kindly to it and give you a bad hang. Not such a clean break comes for our friend Taran. His game of hangman lasts a lot longer than it should have…right to the last letter. His word was GAMEOVER.

Jamie is next to the hangman’s stairs but he doesn’t go easy. He puts up a fight, it doesn’t last long. His ankles are kinda in chains. It’s pretty amazing how large he still looks against the redcoats but yeah, they put him to his knees.

Jamie doesn’t look at the noose when it goes around his neck. He was watching Taran, hanging there. I have to say – I was a bit discombobulated watching that particular accessory making its way around Jamie’s beautiful throat. It did not match his eyes like…at ALL!

Riding in on his damn high horse…here he comes to save his day. Captain Creep Master General Himself…

: Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if you’re nasty-; and he bloody well IS.

You WILL notice I said to save HIS damn day. Usually it’s a white horse someone rides in on to save someone…this was a black horse. Yeah…symbolism – THIS is not lost on me. Not lost on Jamie either. Jamie looks about ready to jump off the side of the platform. It is definitely one of those moments I am sure he goes back to in his mind over & over again while he is in that dungeon of his.

*snort* I love our @ABOotlander hubbies.

Watching CCMG’s face in that moment…that sneer…it reminded me of someone from my childhood. Only took me a moment…the Raccoons villain. Cyril Sneer…nuck nuck nuck

Jamie doesn’t give up, he is wearing quite possibly the ugliest anklet in the history of anklets…and I have been to Ardene’s. That is saying something. He keeps at it – it looks hopeless – it sounds hopeless – I am pretty sure – it’s hopeless but the man has what we call…ummm…false hope…so he keeps on yanking his chain.

How many men does it take to bring a condemned man a meal of stale bread & some water? 2. One to carry the plate & torch and one to carry the pitcher of water – that never gets used. Jamie looks pretty hungry though, he rips into the bread like he hasn’t eaten in a month. Could be it’s been that long. Somebody make that boy a sandwich! *Fan’s all over the world decry their feminist beliefs to get the bread & balogna out of the fridge*

Yes… accommodations at this place are atrocious. I sure hope he writes a scathing review!

Next, we (you know, all of us & Claire) sit for a pleasant afternoon conversation with Sir Fletcher Gordon. The warden of Wentworth. Claire has made her way into the prison under the guise as a “distant family connection”.

Let’s detour for those not in the know…most of you are but it’s always a bit of fun trivia. Frazer Hines, who Diana spotted on an episode of Dr. Who about 100 yrs ago (Diana is ageless if you haven’t noticed) in a kilt & thought “Isn’t that fetching” and found herself still thinking of this young man in a kilt the next day…in church…and you wonder why I love this ~~dirty~~ woman?

If you want to read it all, read this from my friends at OutlanderTV News

We are back with Claire & Dr.WhoSirGordon, letting her know…nope, Jamie isn’t dead…yet. “Stroke of luck” he says. Ummm, stroke of something but your definition of luck and mine are way different buddy. I call lucky hitting the 6/49 jackpot. Maybe that’s just me. *shrug*

Claire sees the Bible on Sir G’s desk. Puts her 2 & 2 together and comes up with Jesus. So she decides it is time to throw down the christian card.

Get it…Christian…card…throwing it…

It works. Kind of. She hoped to see Jamie. That is a no. He’s a dangerous criminal and she is a high born English lady. That’s silly! She asks maybe a letter of reconciliation for his family. Nah…that’s not appropriate. Sir G is probably thinking the Scot probably can’t read or write anyway. OH! But she could do a wonderful kindness & save them some expense by taking this rotten kids stuff home to his family. When he leaves the room…Claire starts to fall apart. FFS Caitriona Balfe is insanely talented & I have NO idea how someone did not see this sooner but I am pretty friggen happen the universe works the way it does and they didn’t. So there.

Sir G comes back and Claire pulls it back together pretty well. The old fart hands over everything the young prisoner owns in the world – right here in this box to Claire. His whole life…

I often talk about Caitriona’s face. This time it was her hands, the way she grasped the box, Held it. Yeah…that. Come on. Woman. It was like she held Jamie’s and her own heart…right there. I might add…mine. Friggen box.

She leaves the prison weakened, stumbling & sickened. She throws up & Murtagh – grabs her & the box & carries her away from the place that cracked her heart – but didn’t break her. This is Claire. BADASS. I want to add. Duncan Lacroix has added THE 4th dimension to Murtagh that “I” always felt was there in the books that some others seem to be surprised by. For 20 yrs I have adored Murtagh – always thought he was soft, humourous & loveable…in a book you have to be willing to add the dimension…on TV the actor needs to be willing to give it. Duncan does with an extra bit of awesomeness mixed in. He gives us Murtagh. With an extra dash of eyebrows. The most expressive damned eyebrows to have lived. Yes, I know the eyebrows have their own twitter account.

…that’s all I have to say about that

The next scene has Angus n Rupert seemingly playin hookey. Murtagh is pretty pissy with them. As much as a hardass as Murtagh is, his potty mouth is pretty tame. Donkeys?! Our virgin ears. *giggle*

Of course, it only seemed like Angus & Rupert were humpin’ the dog. They in fact were doing some undercover interrogation. Sly, these two. Letting not one…but 2 jailers from Wentworth win all their monies at dice so they can get them to flap their gums about what happens at the prison. They get some really great recon information. LIKE – Sir G is super dedicated to his Bible time. So much so…he is away from his office for a solid hour everyday.

Our Angus n Rupert are pretty damn proud of themselves…as they should be.

Of course we go from the comedy duo straight to the depths of hell. Nothing like jerking our emotional chains.

Let’s be off to the dungeon. Where Jamie is still struggling to free his chains – there is not much in this young man that says “Give Up.” He can be heading to the gallows & he will get a shot in…as long as there is a chain to pull on…he will yank it.

Then there is Captain Creepy. He obviously was at top of his class in Smuggery101.

: Apologies to Jacks mom for calling her a bitch – I don’t know her but she went seriously wrong somewhere. Either she didn’t love him enough, dropped him on his head or something cuz…boyfriend just ain’t right.

He enters the dungeon, aka – pit of hell, aka Not so Suite of Torture. I could go on all day…but I won’t. It makes my tummy hurt. Someone have some Pepto?

Ira Steven Behr – one of the co-executive producers & writers of this particular show…ummm…yeah, he is brilliant. He wrote the dialogue in this episode. Brilliance? Yeah…I would say that. CCMG starts waxing poetic & falls into referencing the King of Men. Touching…isn’t it? He even makes reference to Brutus later as well…Ira…you killed me with these and I loved them. Seems I’m a twisted little pretzel myself.

Naturally, we can’t omit or forget that they introduced Marley. Not the cute loveable dog Marley…but the slackjawed…sidekick that is to be CCMG’s gopher. His strong arm & “body servant”. Let’s all do a collective shudder together shall we? I am glad they didn’t match my imagination with this particular character. That would have been over the top & putrid. I am indeed disgusting because Marley of my mind…makes me want to jump off a bridge.

CCMG has a little chat with Jamie, letting him know he intercepted his petition of complaint against him. SUNNUVA! I am pretty sure we all heard him right, mentioning said petition “blackened his character”. Perhaps it is time someone grabbed Doucher Von Douchermeister a flipping mirror because I am thinking her has never seen himself clearly. He has ZERO character TO blacken.

Do you hear yourself talking?

That damned Duke of Sandringham- I tell you the old sot needs to get a swift kick in his wee balls. SmugCaptain Creepy takes the petition out…historical document it was – burns it. That’s over…done. Jamie knows it…we fade to black. Not Jack…just…black.

fade_to_black_animation_by_soulkreig-d34zj03

It leaves you feeling so…fadey

Now we are going back into Wentworth while Sir G McGee is doing his praying. Murtagh & Claire say that he told her to come back for a letter. Jamie was to write it for his family. These English folks really need to hook up with 1-800-Dentist…I can smell the rot from here. It takes a bit for the gaurdie fella with the narsty teeth to let them alone but he does. They search the office for keys & a map of the prison…one seems easy enough. The map…not so much. Moments you wish GPS was handy.

Good things never come from not knowing where you are or where you’re going.

We are back in the pits of hell where CCMG is trying to do away with formalities. Asking if he can call Jamie Jamie…umm how about you don’t call him? Or how about you call him a cab so he can get the hell outta there? That would make this nicer. Oh right. It’s not supposed to be nice.

CCMG asks if he makes Jamie “uncomfortable” Hmmmm. You know something bud? I think you would make kittens on a cloud of cotton balls uncomfortable. You aren’t exactly Nan’s fresh baked cookies on Christmas morning. He taunts Jamie with his flogging & the psychological damage he wanted to inflict on him. What he wants to do is make Jamie surrender himself to him, admit he has broken him & to watch him break some more. He desperately wants Jamie to be afraid of him…that would get his rocks off like nobody’s business.

A gift. He wants to give Jamie a gift in return if gives him his surrender. You know Jack ole buddy ole pal…your idea of a gift…WAY off. SO off…so very fucked up.

Yes, his gift is a clean & honourable ending of Jamie’s choosing *ahem*. Uh-huh. The worst part of this whole speech that CCMG is giving – he believes every word that is coming out of his dirty mouth. Just think, he probably once kissed his own mama with that mouth. The mouth that is condemning a man to choose his death & promising him he will surrender to him. Such a charmer that one eh?

Claire & Murtagh are still in Sir G-man’s office looking for the map. They found the keys but lot of good they will do if they can’t find their way around. Ummmm – so much for that. Caught by narsty teeth…that’s ok. Murtagh hits him square in the sweet spot. You know the one….that one that makes folks go night night without a lullabye. You have to admit the “Ambien Noodle Shot” is better than his “Slit Your Throat & Give You a FlipTop Head” performance. Plus, it’s more aesthetically pleasing.

No more time now for niceties or maps. It’s time to get searching for where Jamie is. Claire is doing this on her own because she can claim “Swoon oops – I’m lost” & Murtagh can be all “DER…huh what? I’m gone for presents n shit” They agree to meet in the woods & off they go.

Let’s do this thing shall we?: Let’s do this thing shall we?

Claire is doing her level best to creep through bright & shiney halls of cheery Wentworth looking for her husband. I heard somewhere if you talk about something in a positive light, it will take on its tone. Is it working?

Calling for Jamie amongst the cells filled with filthy, shivering…at least I really really hope that guy was shivering…men. Nope…no Jamie. We all know where the poor sunnuvaellen is.

In one of the cells Jesus speaks. No for realsies. Jesus leads her way. His deep tenor raises from one of the glum cells, his face half lit with moonlight tells her where she can find her man.

See…TOTALLY Jesus…pray for us sinners. Mostly me.

Back in the condo of condemnation with Captain Creepy, Marley & their not so comfortable guest Jamie Fraser… our hosts anxiously awaiting the lads choice of death. Damn it son…there’s no choice! I WILL NOT SURRENDER!

I will NEVER surrender!

Jack ain’t even mad. In fact, he seems chipper- impressed *eyeroll* He wonders if Jamie will let him see his back. What a weirdo. Marley…is anyone in there? You know what’s going on big guy? Really…Jamie just wants Creepy to shut the hell up – actually – there is something else going on behind those baby blues.

Captain Creepy takes a wide walk around our Jamie…wanting to feast his eyes on his back. Reaches & gets close enough that Jamie spins and is able to grab him by the throat & exchange some words. Marley’s cerebral cortex seems to be functioning on some level and he joins in the action. The scene plays out much like it did in the book…only…this time I can super see it! Right there…on the screen. This is still freaking me out!

I don’t know if its cool or freaky or messed up or ALL of it

Marley, doing what he thinks…well…if he does think…and not just ‘does’ what his minimal capacity base instinct of “fetch scot” gave him the inclination to do…does and he damn near kills Jamie until Captain Creepy deals Marley a good ole fashion Frantics Boot to the Head.

Slackjawed bugger looks as stupefied as…well…he is. So, we DON’T want him dead? We DO want him dead? Duh….boss….I’m so confused!

uh duh ok boss whatever you say boss

Since Marley just grunts n stares. He seems to respond to being called dog…we aren’t apt to know exactly what is going on in his big ole head. He is ordered to get Jamie to his feet. He does. Basic obedience. It’s his jam.

This is the moment when Captain Creepy just decides…pulls this random idea out of the blue. Jamie’s hand would look better as hamburger. Grabbing his handy dandy mallet.Why the hell not? Get Marley to hold his hand & we will just smash it all to shit. I heard people saying…why did Jamie scream so much when his hand was being crushed by a mallet but he didn’t make a sound during the flogging?

Let’s spell this out for you.

29 major and minor bones (many people have a few more).
29 major joints.
At least 123 named ligaments.
34 muscles which move the fingers and thumb:
- 17 in the palm of the hand, and
- 18 in the forearm.
48 named nerves:
- 3 major nerves.
- 24 named sensory branches.
- 21 named muscular branches.
30 named arteries and nearly as many smaller named branches.

Maybe that? But I am only guessing.

PLUS…Gretel needed a sound to follow…didn’t she? I mean Claire.

We have to cut back to the depths of that dungeon room, Captain Creepy done crushing Jamie’s hand- he is almost passed out from the pain of it. Captain has real blame issues, simply refuses to accept responsibility for his own actions Nope- we can’t have that. CCMG wants his attention. Wakey Wakey rise n shine! Jamie wakes up alright..wakes up pretty pissed off & lunges- which turns out…excites lil creepy. This kids…is BAD TOUCHING. You know the kind that Mom told you about. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

The biggest hint that you are a disgusting human being is when another disgusting human being looks at you like this…

But no no. Even Creepy was getting too Creepy for Creepy. He has a fantasy to uphold and he wasn’t going to ruin it for himself. No way. No how. Time to get lil creepy into check.

: I know…Im giving him too much credit but this GIF makes me giggle

SO yeah Jamie…he is there to HELP you. Help…again…this dude’s vocabulary is so incredibly backward & disjointed…it makes my head hurt. Jamie just passes out. He is so over this. Done like dinner.

Our Claire was making her way through the hallways…hot damn how I love that woman. Even with her desperation to find her husband, even hearing the screams, she has the wherewithal to find that door to the outside, unbolt, unlock and leave it. I kinda wish she would have kept that bolt so she could have used it to give Captain Creepy an enema…not gonna lie. Truth is though – any weapon she would have had- would have been turned around to be used on her so good call sister!

Major reason we love Claire. S.M.A.R.T.

Claire is a regular smartypants.

The moment she finds him…I find myself transported back to the first time I picked up Diana’s book. I kid you not. I don’t care one wit that all dialogue isn’t there because I still have the books if I want to read them. I FELT THIS like I did the first time I read it. After the second time I watched it…I felt it again…the third time…I felt it again. You know what? I was never able to get that first time reader feeling back though. That is what I love about the show & the actors bringing the pages to life. The added dimension that you get to experience over and over.

funny-gifs-that-was-fun-lets-do-it-again

OMG…that was unsettling…let’s do it again

Jamie knows she is there…and tells her to go because he knows that freak of nature is coming back. She doesn’t want to leave without him and grabs the mallet & the keys and tries to get him free- but yeah…Jamie…even in his delirium…totally right. Freakshow & his ape…are back. Claire throws some insults his way…calls him a fucking sadistic piece of shit. Which he is but he doesn’t know it because he doesn’t know what most of what she said is. Interesting concept…Black Jack Randall…invented it.

He WAS the original fucking sadist..MIND BLOWN

Oh a little chance with a couple Redcoats bounding through the halls looking for Claire, she implores them to take her to Sir G but yeah, they are pretty terrified of Old Creepy – because he is an Officer or because he is him. They know it ain’t right but Captain Creepy could have them there tomorrow so God Save the King and all that jazz…off they go!

Captain Creepy lets Marley get all up in Claires business, talks about seeing you next tuesday and how nope…even being as disgusting and nasty as HE is…he wouldn’t even want to watch Marley have his way with her. You can almost taste the vomit can’t you?

yup…right there…in my mouth

Claire isn’t taking any of this. When Marley is all curled around her…the bigger they are…the harder the knee to their balls. Down he drops like the sack of shite he is. She slams CCMG into the wall and throws a chain around his neck! WHOOOOOHOOOO You Go GIRL!

Jamie, see’s this – takes the opportunity, grabs the chair leg from the floor with what energy he has lunges and gives Marley a good old fashioned you are dead tracheotomy! BOOM!

CCMG knocks Claire ass over teakettle. Thank Ms.Fitz for bumrolls cuz that may have busted a sisters tailbone.

The hero’s can’t have the upper hand for long though. Not in this story. Not right now. Jack heaves Claire up by her throat because he is always so gentle. Jamie…gallantly screams for him to stop & offers himself to the sicko burrito if he lets her go.

It sounds good to him but nothing is cut & dried with Captain Creepy. Nope. We have to make sure you know just how much business he means. He now pulls a rusty nail (not the drink) out of a board and drives it into Jamie’s already ruined hand & the table itself- you know just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. Cuz, yeah, the next train leaves in 5 minutes & he might wanna hop on that.

When Creepy pulled that nail out and started that business & Jamie reached for Claire. MAN! COME ON! I have feels that I must control & you people are making it NOT EASY!

It was torturous. It was beautiful. It was confusing as hell to my heart & my brain. This writing team is going to turn me into some sort of psychotic. Or some might argue keeping me on the path…

The acting. Impeccable. I believe Tobias – as Jack is a freak of nature. I believe Caitriona – as Claire is breaking piece by piece and I believe Sam – as Jamie, is in complete agony & accepting his fate, giving up his soul to save the life of the woman he loves. These people have transformed for me.

Ugh, Creepy then went in for a kiss…yeah. A kiss…we all spit after…right along with Jamie. My hubs wasn’t happy…you know the popcorn…not good soggy.

and NO…it is NOT because it was a dude kissing a dude…it is because it was Captain Creepy kissing Jamie…in front of his wife. THAT AIN’T RIGHT!

Jamie tells Creepy to take her away. Not wanting to go – she runs back to him- Jamie, always the hero…tells her… she must do it and tells her he loves her…calls her mo nighean donn. They Kiss…so tender like there is no pain – no hurt…only them… Then she is taken away.

As Captain Creepy is escorting her out, he mentions he heard about the rumour of her being a witch. Claire, never one to miss an opportunity…doesn’t JUST walk through that door, she smashed it open and breaks his damn nose with it.

Just to prove her point to him, she says his full name, date of birth, she curses him and tells him the day he dies…for dramatic effect, whispers it in his creepy little ear. I think he pooped a little.

I thought karma was a bitch…turns out. Black Jack Randall is…especially when you tell him news like that. He throws you out into a pit of dead folks. Not pleasant.

Taran McQuarrie made his final appearance. Dead. He still looked pretty good. I am just thankful we don’t have smell-o-vision. That would have been gnarly.

Lucky Jamie gets Jack back.

Claire crawled outta a deadfolk hole & into the woods where she was supposed to find the boys. The scene with the wolf from the book didn’t happen & you know what? OK. Can you imagine was a nightmare that would be production wise? Time, CGI, actual wolves, poor Cait…yeah…I am not heartbroken to rely on my imagination for the rest of my life for that one.

I may not have been completely heartbroken if we never went back into the chamber of misery but noooooooooooo- right back there and in a jiffy too.

We start of with a tad bit of good intentions we do. Captain Do Right, unchains Jamie’s ankle & gives him his word Claire is safe away. You know, that even catches in my throat as I type it. Sure…he has some honour for what sick, demented line it crosses.

Yeah, it takes him all of 20 seconds to cross said line. He tears open Jamies shirt to view his…masterpiece. Seriously. He is touching Jamie’s back like it’s a sheet of braille and he is reading it FFS! If it says anything Captain Creepy….it says you are one sick MoFo! Now…CCMG doesn’t just cross lines…he takes said line…kicks it a few feet…then jumps the hell over it.

I am pretty sure if you wandered into the Le Louvre and started licking the Mona Lisa…your ass would get kicked out. Captain Creepy…you have graduated to Captain Cracked. That is NOT a masterpiece…YOU are not an artist… Jamie’s back is NOT a canvas. Would someone please find Mentalmarvin a straight jacket and put us out of our misery?

During this. Let me say. One tear. That’s right. One tear.

Tobias goes to some pretty dark & diabolical places…Sam as an actor will have to go to some pretty weakened states as a person. I imagine…one maybe almost fun for some actors to do. Let’s face it…to be given permission to go to the darkest places in us, maybe invent those places & play with them. Now for Sam, to be exposed in that way – to allow someone to go to those dark places – and then direct them AT us. That’s a pretty vulnerable place to go. It’s a pointed struggle for a woman to do it. She would also have more sympathisers I would think- a man…it would go against every ounce of every fiber of every thing in their being. I think you can see if pretty clearly… in that tear.

Thank whoever you are thanking that they cut to Claire in the woods. It was too intense in that there tear!

We get to McRannock’s joint- he is the fella who gave Ellen the pearls. You know the sexy time pearls Jamie put around Claire’s neck on their wedding night & made love….*sigh*…never mind. I had to go there for a moment. It was a happy place.

You know something. Jamie’s mom…had it going on! Murtagh…McRannock…the dude she embarrassed that ran off in the night when she took off to marry Brian…and of course, Brian. McRannock isn’t convinced completely that he will be helping them, he ended up married with bairns of his own and well…he would do a lot for Ellen’s lad but get himself killed..and put his family in danger, might be a bit much aye?

It’s at this time a drunken sot comes in & McRannoch loses his nut on him. Murtagh goes to see whats up their craws and gets the “Murtagh’s face is gonna crack” look. You know…cuz it’s smilin so wide.

Seems…when there are kine…better known as cows in Canada…that means Murtagh transforms into Scottish MacGyver & we now have an escape plan for Jamie.

If we can lend you some moose – they can disguise themselves. Highland coo’s aren’t so different…well if you squint…close your eyes and yeah…maybe they are.

Yes…we have seen the previews. We have 2 wks. until Nekkid Randall…as enticing as Nekkid Gramma…but we are ready. We used to need drool buckets, we have exchanged them for barf buckets.

…and then once that is over…it won’t just be a droughtlander—We will be #WithOutLander…but we will survive! TOGETHER with out fellow #NUTLANDERS!

SL – the ABOotlander on Ativan

Singing the Droughtlander Blues. Christmas Carol style.

December 24, 2014 by Sherry W.

BAHAHA…drowning sorrows. NOT really. We are having a blast with our Droughtlander. I mean how cool is it that everyone is using the term that made its debut here? Not surprising really. Bloody witty bunch are we.

I was wrapping presents when I thought about this #HeughliFUN pic I did of Angus. I love this guy, no teeth and everything. Except when he gets road rage. That’s not attractive…I digress.

and thought to myself…”Self…(yes…what else would I call myself? Yes, crazy bitch, but at that moment I wasn’t feeling as rude as you are right now…so back off eh?) Self…what other Outlander characters could you make #HeughliFUN pics in relation to Christmas.” Well, let’s just say…the ideas started flying out of my head. So wrapping stopped. SEE how it stopped!

Since I have AOD= Attention Outlander Disorder. It’s an effin thing o.k.??? Just like we made Droughtlander a thing…we are making AOD a thing. Deal with it. I jumped from the wrapping…and not like rapping…I’m a very white Canadian girl, I really should never do that. Like ever.

nerdy Canadian rapping…shhhh yer lips

Thinking of some of my favourite Christmas carols & it is so easy to picture my favourite Outlander characters with them.

My late mother loved the song “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” Ironic huh? Well of course now…I’m thinking this year anyway…Claire! She sure isn’t going to be but…I suppose it’s because I go to the place in my head with this song, huh?

Yep Claire…right there. Home.

Who else for Deck The Halls but Rupert…who literally decks people in halls? It was redumbdiculously obvious wasn’t it? I liked it fine.

He has the cutest “Imma punch you in the mouth” face.

Singing can sometimes be bloody uncomfortable. Especially when we are deep into our cups. WE think we sound freaking fabulous…when in reality we sound much like ass. The song sounds a little like “What Child is THIS?” eh Hamish? See foot…insert mouth. DERP!

We have Away in A Manger. Jamie sleeps in one right? Claire goes and trips over his sorry hide in Episode 4. Comparing Jamie to Jesus…its a bit much but if you spend ANY time on social media at all…you’ve seen it. Don’t even pretend.

Now don’t any prudes get their panties in a game of twister. This shit is funny right here. O Come O Come Emmanuel. You all better know where I am going with this one right here. It made me snort. Like snort, snort. Jamie had one helluva night on the Wedding episode. Yes, so did Claire but you know when you are the student – the MIND BLOWN moments were kinda awesome!

You know who is having a Blue Christmas? This GUY! Poor ole Frankmeister. Left alone to drown in his own sorrows.

He does have his own tribe of admirers though. Tobias’s Tribe. Lover’s of Frank. We have a few in our Heughliots group. Karen. She’s got it bad. Tobias fever. We thought about getting her fixed but we like her fine.

I know Christmas Carols have some lovely meaning to them, religious and deep. I want you all to remember, this blog. Isn’t. Its fun and shallow. Like a kiddie pool, without the pee. Please, don’t pee on the blog.

One of my FAVE parts of the show is when those boys, and yes, I call them boys are being boys. Rupert & Angus, the shinty game & of course when Dougal of all people is acting like a 12 yr old boy to get a laugh. This brings me to my next carol. Go Tell it on the Mountain!

Really this is the concept of non-evolution at its best. Men. They still do this. Hell…so do women. It’s called ENJOYING LIFE. Bewbies. They can be funny. Deal with it.

I refuse to end this fun without my favourite “I hate this guy” Mr.Creepy McCreeperson Nasty General Dual Face UGH! Randall. Of course his carol is simple. Mr.GRINCH!

Oh this carol suits you BJR…Big Jerk Randall.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel,
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch,
Your heart’s an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch,
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch,
Given a choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch,
You’re the king of sinful sots,
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch,
With a nauseous super “naus”!,
You’re a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk”!

Yes, I know Diana has said she is BJR. I like to think she isn’t the part that puts a knife to the nipple of helpless women and goes flaccid when they stand up to her. Well..wait a second. I don’t think she CAN be that part *wink*

That wraps up our Christmas Carols meet Outlander. Oh CRAP…WRAP…OMG…I have so much wrapping left to do. Why the hell do you people let me get so distracted? Yes. Your fault!

You all are not good for me. Just saying.

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Celebrate your Holiday with as much love and joy as humanly possible. If you are another species…then, have at ‘er!

With LOVE and AWESOMEBALLS,

SherryLynn & all of the other Heughliots

Cheers!

ABOotlander – It’s a 2fer. Rent and The Garrison Commander.

September 30, 2014 by Sherry W.

Wouldn’t you know I had to go away while Rent was airing on Showcase the Sunday before last. Do you know what is cool about that? Teamwork! We ABOotlanders stick together like maple syrup on a 10 yr olds chin. Fellow admin and all-around fabulous human, Tammy @tlmfarmgirl took over our Twitter page. Girl is touched. I say that with all the love of a cousin sister a girl could.

Rent opens with the MOST beautiful scene we’ve had the pleasure to lay our eyes or ears on thus far (keep in mind, we haven’t seen Jamie’s ass). Claire recites a poem – John Dunne is credited with it – however – it has been said John Hoskins was the original writer. *shrug* That’s why I didn’t credit the quote…because I don’t know for sure. Maybe “I” wrote it?

beauty

We meet Ned right off the shoot. What a wonderful wee manny he is. Charming really. Jumped right out of the pages of Diana’s book and into my heart. The men are being juvenile wads and breaking in young Willie. Teasing him about doing it with his sister…you know, keep it in the family and all that. He doesn’t seem inclined to think they are funny.

Lawyer Ned, is a wheezy bugger but Claire cures him with some pot aka “thornapple”…good for the lungs apparently…worked like a dream on Wheezy McWheezerson.

We head off onto the road, but there is no road. The highlanders sing songs about grinding corn and I am 100% positive they aren’t talking about the vegetable, not our good ole Taber kind. Nope. Dirty dogs

The mental wee ones decide it is time to play a game of “No Girls Allowed!”

We can tell Claire tries to play along until they start hitting below the belt with rudedom and go ahead to start making jokes in Gaelic. Dammit…hard to laugh at what they are saying when you know damn well they are making fun of your ever expanding bum roll.

Angus thinks he is being generous by bringing her over an anorexic bunny to snack on but all their bullying ways have cost her to lose her appetite.

There were so many complaints going out in the Twitterverse and Outlander World in general about the lack of Jamie & Claire time. There is so much story building to be done, I felt that the time they did have – was poignant. The placement was well thought out. He comes to her the first time to make sure she doesn’t take the wankers bullying to heart. She pouts a bit and he tells her “Hey now…you’re the one that tried to run off. Only idijts would leave you to your own devices.” Claire knows what Jamie said is the truth so she and her bum-roll go for a stroll!

They set upon their first wee village to collect the rents n such. Taking goats, chickens, money and live pigs. Even though Ned didn’t want no stinkin pig! He got it anyway. We really should know better than to set ourselves up like that.

Claire gets bored and wanders away. NOT CLAIRE! She gets distracted by the singing coming from one of the shacks and lo n behold. Its a book club. No, its a pajama party. No, its a choir practice…Nope- its wool waulkers. Yes…they play in pee. You heard me right…not just any pee but hot out of the urethra pee!

Is anyone else seeing…ummm…smellin this? (source)

The scene itself is pretty cool…till you remember they are elbows deep in wool – wool covered in piss. I get itchy n gaggy just thinking about it.

There can NOT be an episode where our Claire does not get her drink on. No sir. This girl’s “check liver” light has yet to go on. Impressive. The ladies keep their booze stored where the men can’t find it. I am guessing so they don’t give THAT away for rent either. Smart bunch of piss slingers they are.

Just as Claire is about to make her donation to Piss Is Us...Angus comes barging in because he has been looking ALL OVER GODS CREATION for her. Yeah, she was 20 feet away but whatever. Road Angus is an angry Angus.

He clearly wanted to knock her out but Angus knew better. I think it’s clear this Sassenach could beat the shite out of him or at least turn him into a magpie. Drunk Claire causes ALL sorts of chaos, she tries to give back the goat money- fights with Rupert & Dougal when…DUN DUN DUN! An English gentleman comes out of the woodwork…like literally out of the woodshed to ask after her well being. He is convinced Claire is in trouble so this isn’t the last of him but he leaves all butt hurt. DUN DUN DUN – he then puts on that fancy redcoat of his.

This is where we sneak off to the tap houses where Dougal goes off on a Gaelic tangent. Claire thinks that he and Ned are pilfering money and using Jamie’s poor scarred back as clickbait. She is doing the bunny hop to each conclusion and coming up on the wrong side of the rabbit hole. Enraged Dougal+money+ English flogging victim = Funding the Jacobite rebellion, ye wee besom. Come on Claire…it was SO obvious. If you read the book of course. Much less obvious for everyone else…I got ya.

We go through numerous stages of her assumptions. Ned plays into her hands like a parent trying to teach their child a lesson. She even makes Angus so mad he pulls a knife on her. Call HIM a thief will she? (Raiding the Grants for cattle doesn’t count because they do that for shiggles) Jamie once again tries to give her crazy curly head a shake. Claire knows he is right but she still gets twisted into knots. She doesn’t GET what is happening so we shouldn’t judge…Judging is bad bad news. Well unless your Judy…then it makes your ass rich.

Claire finally clues into what Dougal & Ned are up to. Raising funds for the Jacobite cause. We has a FLASHFRANK where she proved she knew just more than a little about the fate of the poor Scots that get involved. It gives me a serious case of the feels. I love Bear McCreary’s music here. He puts the title song in there when her little “idea bulb” goes off over her head. Well played, sirs!

Dougal n Jamie are bickering in the woods, Jamie telling him to stop ripping off his damn shirt already! Dougal calls him a sweet lad – but no, bro…as long as you are with me, I will show off your back all I like. You know Dougal McSideEye, as long as you show off his front at the same time – I do not object. Let that go on record eh?

Jamie is left on his own to beat wood. Hey hey now…he’s punching his timber…sex jokes are not funny! Cum on people.

Jamie and Claire have another moment of casual intimate eye sex. These are the moments that some of the more ummm “testy” fans seem to forget or think just aren’t enough for them. They want the Jamie & Claire Secks Show…well folks, hate to break it you but even in the books there is more to the story. I will likely die on this here hill… it’s the TV show. TV shows need adaptation, even 16 hours is not enough to fit each conversation, each glance, each roll in the heather or each thing you think needs fitting. Ever try and put a marshmellow in a keyhole…yeah, like that.

I digressed! *GASP*

The next day, Claire is all “Bloody hell, I really like these guys and they all are gonna die in this stupid war that is going to come and wipe them out!” They pass a couple of poor Scots nailed on X’s and now Dougal has something else to enrage the folks in town about. Stinking Sassenachs…but not you Claire…you don’t stink. On the other hand, she hasn’t had a shower in a while – she probably stinks a bit.

Bedding down in the inn and Claire hears a ruckus in the hall. What does she find lounging outside her door? A lovely little highland lump of manly goodness under his plaid at her doorway. *COLLECTIVE SIGH* WHY was he there? There were a bunch of drunks (she knows drunks) downstairs and he didn’t want them buggering her.

It was a sweet wonderful from the book moment…with lots n lots of

I would have forced the wee bugger into my room…but I’m a hoooor like that.

We know our Claire, she can’t keep her mouth shut worth a damn so the next morning while having a nibble with Ned she just has to talk about how this cause they are fighting for is already lost. They think you are an English spy dork…STOP YAMMERING. Off to the side, some loud mouth is obviously saying things Claire can’t understand but the rest of the Highlanders do (but not Jamie…he is out feeding the damn horses).

AAAAAAND

OK…highlanders beating the crap outta other highlanders is super hot. They need THAT done in a ring. *Growl* We all come to discover that the rent collectors were fighting over Claire’s honour. THEY can call her a hooor & smelly Sassenach but no one else can byjeezus. Claire. Is. Speechless. Someone take a picture!

Our episode ends with more feels from Claire. These guys really caught her heart – they go and take a walk through Culloden Moore. We get a FLASHFRANK here. She walked the same walk before. This time, seeing the faces of those who may very well die there, 3 yrs from this moment.

Dougal lets her go wash up without her bodyguards…only to follow her and question who she is – AGAIN. THEN…THEN…Remember the wee english boy redcoat dude? He’s baaaack and he brought his friends. They want to know if Claire is there by her own free will or being held captive.

Oh! What’s she gonna say? HUH?

And such this is why I am doing a 2fer, you don’t have to wait to find out what happens. Even though, let’s face it, I know most of you probably have. I’m not living in a bubble of ignorance – I’m Canadian. Two different things.

The ending of Rent was the first of what I am sure will be many cliffhangery (It’s my word, put a cork in it) endings. Yes, even though this particular scene wasn’t in the book, we know she goes back w the English but it’s the suspense of the how that makes this fun. This is WHY I love an adaptation. They are taking something I love. Know inside out, backwards, upside down and they are making it new for me but they are giving me glimpses of the things I love. Book moments shining through. All readers are different and some book moments mean SO much to one, the other just glazed over it. I read blogs or posts on “How could they LEAVE that part?”- sometimes the part to me wasn’t as epic as they might think Or “They totally lost the essence of that scene doing it that way” whereas others might think the TV adaptation makes total sense. Each person comes from their own perspective, I respect that. Those who live from a critical eye perspective should also respect that I AM LOVING THE SHIT OUTTA THIS.

Meh, I’m Canadian not opinion-less

Now we move onto Episode 6. The Garrison. The Episode that if awards were given out for sheer brilliance in acting – we would have a sweep! Oh wait, there are – I smell EMMY…she smells nothing like bacon but whateves.

My views & commentary on this episode are pretty much. Ummmmm. It’s not the easiest episode to watch, yet…it is one of the hardest to tear your eyes from. You know what they say about train wrecks. Yeah. Like that only with really amazing beautifully talented people acting like the trains.

We open with Claire thanking the redcoat very much but the McKenzies are her friends. Get along. He however thinks…NAH…my boss hasn’t seen a woman in like forever. He figures if he only gets a good look at one, he will keep his hands off my hairy arse. At least that was my husbands inner/outer dialogue once he met Lord FancyPants. (Again, his name…though I liked it enough to use it)

Yes, Lord Fancypants is definitely NOT trying to make any friends. Dougal calls him a smout, I am prone to agree with him. I found this scene pretty fun. You could see despite Claire being back with her “people” she was feeling a disconnect. I thought Dougal’s side-eye was going to go straight back to his brain. BOY…He does that just as good as any Mom out there.Dougal’s almost ready to gut someone after being made fun of for both his speech and dress. Claire tells them all to behave themselves – children! PSH! Dougal tells them to eat their scraps, he’s off to drink some REAL beer. See?! This is why Dougal drives ME to drink (I will use any excuse handy – Dougal is todays) One day he is calling you out as a drunk in public, next he defending you and whispering in your ear…MAN! Stop with the dual faces. No wait…don’t stop…I love when you drive me crazy(er).

Plus…Lord Fancypants couldn’t see past the boner in his pants to know what EVERYONE else in the world knew. Claire is a liar liar pants on fire. Yes! I know she couldn’t tell them the truth but the whole glass face thing…so on it! Claire feels safe, her story bought and like she will be heading back. BADABINGBADABOOM…Claire does what Claire does, she says “In that case, I will have more wine!” Aw, who are you kidding Claire? You would have had more if they said no.

Wouldn’t you know that as soon as she feels comfortable…the burlap sack dress of men comes waltzing in getting dust n boogers all over everyone’s wine. BJR is baaaaaaack!

No matter how good Sam and Cait are at the Eye Sex- Tobias is pretty much master of his own domain when it comes to Eye Wars…and starting them. Cait is a bloody good match. That first scene with them in TGC, they didn’t need words. They kept shooting the daggers with their eyes. Well played!

aaaaaand, what has the problem with Claire been? She likes to talk. She is a woman of the 20th century- and one that isn’t to be trifled with. BJR threw out the bait – and we watch.

*sigh* It never fails. Claire gets herself into hot water by opening her big ole mouth and BJR is all GOTCHA! I betcha he wishes he had an Easy button from Staples right about now. He’d be pushin that damn thing all over the place!

We take a quick break so EVERYONE can leave the dining area upstairs and Claire can help hack off an arm. All while people are sitting there having a beer. Some poor sot is laying on the table with his flesh n bone hanging all over. The surgeon takes out his icky dirty saw and starts well…sawing.

I can see the review on YELP right now

Back upstairs Claire goes, fully expecting to be back with the people who are sending her to where she wants to go. Nope. Instead, we are greeted with a shave. BJR getting one that is, by Shakey MacShakerson. Who doesn’t want him to just slip across that jugular and be done with it? Anyway, he gets nicked then makes the poor kid sit down…scares the piss outta him. That is what BJR does best.

Let the games begin, he sends Shakey on his way and is alone with Claire. Apologizing for his previous behaviour and all that. Let’s see…baiting again BJR? You aren’t transparent. He doesn’t buy any of what Claire is selling and things get ugly.

He goes from “let’s work together” to “I know you are a lying traitor” in a SNAP. We shall now refer to this as the room of doom.

Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if your nasty

Captain Creep Master General or CCMG for short if you’re nasty

He starts talking about Jamie’s flogging. In graphic detail. In morbid graphic detail. It’s like I can see it and hear it. Oh, wait…I can. It’s horrifying. This degenerate is loving it, feeling a deep connection with Jamie…or “the boy” as he called him. I know why he didn’t get up during this story. *shudder*

Yep, he is in a class of his own. He lives in CreepyTown and I don’t even want to talk about the flogging scene except to say. Sam is incredible. Tobias is a master and Cait- your face said what my heart, felt.

If you didn’t know (how couldn’t you…but if you didn’t) this is Jamie’s daddy…Brian…he was there. Watching…and us book readers know. Yeah. *sniff* We know.

The sick sunnuvabitch keeps talking about the flogging like it was some sort of school art project that he aced. Can you say CRAZY MOFO?

Claire believes if she keeps talking to him that she will may find a sliver of Frank she sees. Wishing against all hope…that FLASHFRANK is in there somewhere.

Yeah…he is NOT there and she knows it right about NOW…

Jack can’t be the one having all the fun beating on Claire, he invites his little friend in. Who BTW looks horrified but would rather kick a soft n squishy Claire than be punished himself by the sadistic bastard. He is just really hoping no one tells his mom!

….DUN DUN NA NUN! Super Side Eye Dougal to the rescue! He’s all like “Stop beating on her…she is OUR prison….ahem…guest, we are protecting her…I will start a friggen war with you. Today. I’m taking her!”

Looking more smarmy than even BJR let’s her go but says they need her back the next day, cuz he isn’t done with his squishy pinata.

They ride off to a beautiful Scottish backdrop, that apparently smells like the devil but Claire pops a squat and drinks anyway. Where Dougal asks again – Are you a spy? Claire has had it “FFS Man! I’m just me…not a spy, not a hoooooor, not the bakers daughter…JUST Claire.” Naturally, if she added that she was from the future – he’d have to believe her because they were at the LIAR’S spring – but she didn’t know that and I bet she was all “DAMN! I could have told him the truth and he would have HAD to believe me.” Annnnnnyway. He believes her. “No help for it. We need to turn you into a Scot and the only way to do that is for you to marry one.”

Her reaction was -HELL TO THE NO! Realizing she would be at BJR’s mercy again, the thought of marriage became the lesser of two evils. Dougal let her know it wouldn’t be him to marry her…even though…yes…he wanted to grind her corn?! Thats a helluva a pickup line eh?

Who is it gonna be boys? Rupert? Angus? Nedy? Nah….we all know. Jamie *girly sigh noise*.

Claire takes a drink from him willingly (Did NOT see that coming *snort*) and they have a little prewedding chat. “My cherry…been popped, so gone…that cool with you Jamie?” “SURE!”, he says “You can break mine for me – Hows that sound?”

Another glorious line lip delivered brilliantly by Heughan. I take these little nuggets and savour them!

Claire marches off…gets herself hammered. Again.

I just have to add…I love the look on Murtagh’s face when she goes through all of them. Sly devil. Jamie looks like *shrug* She’ll come around right and Murtagh is like OH…she will…and that’s one angry bum-roll!

On that note. I am away! Next week is the WEDDING. It’s a HOT one. Get out the fire extinguishers and maybe drop down a towel for the drool – et al. One of our ABOotlanderhusbands tweeted Depends, asking if their product was strong enough to protect his couch while his wife watched the episode. Funny crew we have.

Until next time folks! The Wedding will get its OWN attention. I have LOTS of passing out GIFs to play with.

Sher

AB-Ootlander – The Way Out of The Gathering A Canadian Combo Pack.

September 18, 2014 by Sherry W.

You know, I am not sure if I mentioned this or not yet but Canadians get Outlander 2 wks later than our US counterparts. There is this super tiny border like thing separating us, yet…2 wks is our penance.

I know that makes reading these BlogChunks seem behind the times but hey, we are relaxed up here. Takin things slow. It’s how we coast to coast.

I thought I would combine the 2 episodes of The Way Out & The Gathering. The idea is Claire wants to find her way back to the stones…to get back home to Frankie baby. These 2 episodes have this as the back drop with other stuff shaggin in the back ground. So…why not mate them?

Again, we could get to the good stuff if you just read the books lady…but yes, I understand. back story. Episode 3 opened with Frank sending Claire off to war with her bags packed.

We have lots of reasons we love Claire. Her huge Alberta truck balls are just one of them.

For the record, I’m not talking about the part where Claire imagines she tells Mrs. Fitz she is a time traveler because I damn near had a heart attack. Even though I KNEW it had to be a dream sequence. You still don’t want to have to unsee some things. Now, I have to unsee Claire getting bitch slapped by sweet old Mrs. Fitz. So, I am NOT talking about that.

Fellow Heughliot Admin Tammy…she SO funny!

Fast Forward on the Betamax (yeah we still have those, just got the electric up here dontchaknow) to Claire settling into castle life & being the town drunk. Ummmmm healer. Yeah.

BAH! WoodLice! Like a handfull of silver fish. *GAG*

We go through the story with lots of people crossing themselves talking about superstitious stuff. Exorcisms. Demons.

Everyone now…one the count of 3

That should do it. Demons be GONE!

We get graced with seeing a Highlanders ass….however…it was Twisty Cones. NOT the ass I was hoping to see but as my mother used to say “Beggars can’t be choosers”. It looked mighty smooth mind you…so I had a closer look – it had man hair on it. That made me feel better. I’m not sure exactly why but a man with a hair free arse gives me pause.

Claire gave Colum a good rub down, which helped him out because he was in a foul mood and pretty much made his tailor piss himself. Know why? The fool assumed that Twisty Cone would want to cover his Twisty Cone legs….what an idiot.

CHILL man

I am just glad Twisty Cone didn’t ask for a happy ending.

featuring Claire “the Healer”

That goes under the category of “Things you could have seen in the adaptation so don’t complain about what you get”

Loose Leery was in the following scene but no one really paid any attention to her. It was like a scene from the book jumped into the tv. I LOVE when they do that!

The hall scenes, Claire gets drunk…SHOCKER! More Jamie and & Claire. Seriously when these two get together the warning that needs to follow is this one

Or look forward to Frequent Eye Sex. These two have crazy chemistry. I really do enjoy Jamie’s subtle look backs at Claire each time they part. The story is from her POV so, she isn’t privy to them, but we are. *sigh* Jaaaaaaaammmiiiiiiiieeeee.

Claire keeps Angus running all over castle creation. She hears about the demons in Mrs. Fitz nephew and knows thats hogwash. Demons don’t exist! Time travel OF COURSE…demons…don’t be silly!

We get to meet the biggest demon…Father Bain.

She has to leave because Bain is trying to drown the boy with splashes of holy water. Not effective you say? NO DUH!

Back to the castle where Claire sees OUR JAMIE making out with loose lips Leery! For real?

Then another scene from the book springs to life w Claire teasing Jamie at dinner about renting the tramp from the tramptory.

BOOM!

Off to the village the next day to visit BatShitCrayCray Geillis. Wearing her blood red shoes and furry backward vest, trying to figure out why Claire seems soooooo familiar. Claire isn’t having any of that…nope! Jamie arrives right in time to take her away.

While all the was going on, we were graced with Farts McGee dealing out pillory penance to young boys for stealing bread. Bread. You get your ear SPIKED into a piece of wood in front of the whole town while creepy Dude Bain pets you like a stray dog. This is however, where TEAM AWESOME is born!

Together they free the boy, discover what ails Mrs. Fitz nephew, have lots and lots and lots of Eye Sex and Claire is off to save young Thomas’ life! Much to Dude Bains chagrin.

Mrs. Fitz kicks his ass OUT so Claire can save the day!

Claire saves the boy and in turn makes herself INVALUABLE at the castle. Everyone wants a piece of her magic eight ball now! She ends the episode getting hammered and listening to Jamie tell bedtime stories about Fairy hills and people traveling through time.

The Gathering is episode 4 and where Canada has been left hanging. As our American com-padres are getting all in a tissy about The Wedding. We are thinking about Rent. Seems totally fair doesn’t it?

Claire is still 100% certain she is escaping. That is what this whole episode turns out to be about. It’s full of giggles provided by Rupert n Angus. Rupgus, Angert or Rupang..Nah… They are a comedy team and I love them both.

This episode Diana appears, Ron D. Moore has a quickie. Cameo. Pervs. So does Howie. Howie? You say…yes…Howie, from 21St Century Kilts. The hottie that creates and fits kilts for all sorts of awesome people around the world. He is next to Ron. Awwww…did I just give you another reason to watch the episode again? Such a bummer eh?

Howie the Kilt creator.

Twisty Cone got a make over for the Gathering. Everyone swears they love him, will follow him to the ends of the earth. They all drink the kool-aid from the saucer of bacteria.

For those who say the alcohol would kill all the narsties…sure, then why not walk around a bar at the end of the night and drink the dregs out of all the shot glasses. Yeah…that.

Diana had a speaking part. Loved it but I loved her Shhhhhhhing part even better.

Murtagh doesn’t like women with voices. Shhhh yourself lass.

So we continue. Seen one “sword kissin koolaid drinking” vow, you seen em all. Claire drugs Angus, sets on the road to freedom! But this is the episode of POP goes the visitor! Geillis, Leery, 3 bandits, Dougal, Jamie…well, to be fair, she totally surprised Jamie, not the other way around.

Jamie talks sense into Claire with his dirk and even though he was staying safe under the hay in the stables – the always *sigh* Jaaaaaaaamieeeeeee . Claire, stirring up shit without even knowing it but we’ve read the books so we know and damn if they didn’t make more pages jump to life!

Then he heads into the hall and BOOM! Cut the tension with a dirk! Will he, won’t he? How many of you caught the subtle tap of the fingers on his thigh? Yeah…me too. Seriously Sam…you are KILLING US!

D.E.A.D. Just – So- D.E.A.D.

Jamie brings down the HOUSE even though Mr. Side Eye Dougal stares him down in the ground. Of course, Jamie drinks ALL the Kool-Aid, that boy is lucky he doesn’t leave with a serious case of mouth herpes between sucking face with loose lips Leery and that…damn.

The next part of the show…is sad. They go hunting, for MR. Pig to you…and well…Mr. Pig might get got…but not before he takes two Highlanders down with him.

One it’s just a gaping flesh wound…gets him a tongue lashing from Claire…and not the good kind. The next. Geordie. Poor. Poor Geordie. This scene however, is not about Geordie’s death as much as its about confusing us. You know because Dougal is bipolar. He goes from side eye dirty to sympathetic to hero to dickface to bestfriend crying in the dirt….seriously bragh, pick a personality would you?

Claire & Dougal help Geordie pass peaceably. Yeah I cried. What are you gonna do about it? I have a heart…its not a frozen tundra you know.

Another scene that throws you right into the pages of your book! AHHHHHH I LOVE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!

So because Dougal can’t be like…normal and grieve for a while. He has to rid himself of the anger issues he has. Personality trait #99 of Episode 4. They come upon a game of what looks to be death Lacrosse/Hockey without the helmets, ice or other stuff that would make it those sports. I can hear Don Cherry now!

That is one brutal game.

I still need to form a complaint against whoever lights these scenes…things get so dark when those kilts are whipping about. It makes it really difficult to hold onto my pervcard status.

There Dougal went again. Being all nice and sweet. This guy really needs to release some of his stress somehow…he should visit the Castle Leoch Rub n Tug.

Next up

THAT should be interesting!

Heughliot At Large

AB-Ootlander- Canadian girls like Castles too.

September 17, 2014 by Sherry W.

As I always need to mention. We, in Canada, are behind our American friends by 2 weeks when it come to viewing Outlander on our TV’s via a network. Their network is Starz. I need to acknowledge their fantastic promotions (numerous T-Shirt, Swag, Pocket Jamie swag give aways & ummm a Trip to Scotland with a show WALK ON! ) and lets not forget numerous fan events across the US. Our network is Showcase. They gave away a $25.00 Subway gift card during episode 4 to the person who told them how many times Jamie said Claire during the episode *cough* once *cough*.

Nice Try! Maybe next time.

Digression. It’s one of my issues. One.

We go onto Episode 2, What happens in Canada on Sundays when Outlander comes on? A few things. In the afternoon – our local Liquor Depot or Liquor Spot (Yup – we name our Liquor stores such things) gets an influx of fans stocking up for the #OutlanderCANDrinkingGame. Churches shut their doors. It’s true I am totally making that shit up. See?

Everything on the interwebs is true.

One of my favourite things about our Showcase experience is our “List of Benefits” before the show starts. Course Language. Adult Content. Violence & Nudity. Some people call them advisories. Aye – Eh. Potato- Potahto and one of my favourites from a twitter friend…its like comparing Jo n Kezzie. Neither here nor there really.

Castle Leoch. Now every Canadian kid loves castles! We don’t have many or any here but I can promise you – there is a generation of us that pulled up a little rocking chair with Rusty, Jerome the giraffe and the Friendly Giant on the CBC. We got cozy and he read. Oh how I loved that castle.

Let’s take trip down memory lane. Look Up! WAAAAAY UP!

SQUIRREL! Back to Castle Leoch shall we?!

Claire shows up in the middle of the mud and shitdung (it was a double negative kinda sorta but Mrs. Fitz said it and I liked it). Claire stood out like a nun in hoooooor house. Mrs. Fitz came off as just a bit more than suspicious to start but warmed up nicely I think.

We all just really wanted Claire & Jamie to be alone for a while. Claire demanded it. Again. She is good at that demanding.

He takes of his shirt

Hummana Hummana Hummana

Let’s just enjoy this for a moment. Absorb this goodness. For all those people who think I am objectifying this man. I am admiring what has been created for me to admire. Look at that beauty. For what it’s worth, I think Claire is hot too and even though I am completely heterosexual. I get why men would think she was hot and don’t begrudge them her beauty.

back

You have to take the bad with the good. Jamie’s back is a part of his history. Sad Sad history. *sigh* Jaaaaaaammmiiiieeee.

We go through some lovely moments with Jamie & Claire, some not so lovely moments. You know, where he recalls his first experience w BJR. We react when Jamie speaks – don’t we? He recites an iconic line from the book “Ye need not be scairt of me, or anyone else here, so long as I’m with you” Diana was right…it was important that they kept that in there. THANK YOU RON!

I think all of us enjoyed seeing Claire climb out of bed the next day, disheveled & looking like she didn’t know what way was up.

WAAAAAAHHHH mu broth

Getting dressed and set to meet himself was a blast to watch, loved the music, the clothing and I was just a little sad to know I had a built in bum roll. Let’s just call it evolution.

Off she goes to meet with TwistyLegs MacTwisterson. Doesn’t every blog have a name for him besides Himself? Colum? Laird? All I know is…those CGI legs are hard to look at…they look like they are going to snap at the ankles any second. They discuss hospitality, lack of & going home. Yeah right Claire. You really should read the book.

We had plenty of commercials. Promises of leaving the castle. It was time for Claire to play her own version of a drinking game! Only she did it while sitting between the MacKenzie brothers. Yes, would have been WAY more appropraite if it were Bob n Doug…but nope. It sooooo wasn’t.

Yeah. That happened. Claire knew it was probably the best aka worse note to leave on.

A good night sleep brings Claire a gooooooood idea. Time to head off to the stables for some Jamie time. Nothing like a lil Ging in the morn.

He apparently likes a girl w spirit. Which excites me.

Avoid Looking all together. GOTCHA!

thigh

I am not sure WHO I complain to…but I think it’s a legitimate complaint.

We go on to laugh w Rupert. Meet Geillis. Who THANK YOU VERY MUCH plays her perfectly. Her voice is like a melody of batshitcrazy and I loooooove it!

We also meet loose Leery (there are so many names for her…I will stick to this one) in front of Judge Himself. If you read that all grammatically messed up, it won’t flow. Don’t try too hard. Jamie takes a beating at the hands of his buddy Rupert because Dougal told him to…and told to more…and more. Jerkface. Murtagh shows his awesome, silently at the end…again. And yes, I know I spelled his name wrong in the tweet.

Claire fixes Jamie up – again. He might have done it to save loose leery the embarrassment, or he could have done it so she could fix him again.

Now we see Claire going back down to the room. You know. The room. The one she and Frank had to bang their way into in Episode 1. No pun intended…ok…well on second thought- total pun intended.

Yep, I was right. No face for you!

In fact…dun dun dun. You will be Castle Leoch’s new healer Claire. If you can’t join them – BEATON.

That’s all she wrote…for episode 2 anyway…3’s ketchup will be up soon.

Heughliot at Large