and it was worth it.
I am going to forewarn you. You generally come back to this blogburst because I make you laugh. Just because Wentworth has the climate it has. Doesn’t mean I am going to be dark and foreboding with no humour. It means it my humour will most likely be darker and more foreboding. It will seem more likely that I will be going to hell more quickly & if you laugh at the things I say, I will be in good company when I get there…presuming you die first.
We won’t have debates over heaven & hell. It’s all one big party to me.
You have the right & the freedom to stop reading this blogburst at any time. I do not say that with callousness or any inclination of rudeness. I say that with a kind heart and open mind. The same as I ask for you to have if you choose to keep reading.
The humour I have is…mmmm….occasionally dry. Like a popcorn fart. It can be “in your face groan worthy”…you know…Grandpa humour, only I’m only semi old, no penis & don’t have hair growing out of my ears…yet. Sometimes it can be downright slap your knee …”Girlfriend…YOU AIN’T RIGHT!” That is of course, me, just talking to myself.
Continue, carry on, hang out with me or…don’t. I wont be offended. Know why? I won’t even know!
I will be offended if you continue to read then decide it is in your best interest to bitch about my being crass or my insensitivity to the subject matter cuz…well…shit. I warned you didn’t I?
You know, it is episodes like this one…and The Garrison that I am so incredibly thankful to Bear McCreary. He settles our bellies before each episodes starts. So kind of him…and go to his website and look at his face…he really is a sweet looking man.
I always think of our @ABOotlander crew when I watch too, how they are going to cope. One…Our Tobias adorer. Karen…when Tobias has Black Jack (AKA Captain Creep Master General) out to play, many of our ABOotlander crew have the pitchforks at the ready. Karen on the other hand…has her popcorn, comfy blanket and lipstick on. Girlfriend has her protective armour on for him. Posting things like this to remind us, and pictures of Tobias holding puppies…the furry kind – not the boobie kind.
Of course we all love Tobias…we love how good he is at making us despise that sunnuvawhosawhatRandall. Digression…OVER.
The title cards have become something I look forward to each week. Last weeks The Search one was one of my favourites with the marionettes & the stones. Freakin fabulous…and honest to frig…Wentworth Prison. COME ON!
Was I looking into a friend’s bedroom? *snort* I LOVED it. It was brilliant. The iron mask.
I really could see in my looney mind’s eye, Diana’s face light up watching that. Not because I think she is deranged…I don’t. I think for her to see this come to fruition – to see her name on THAT particular title card – to see the depth of work, not necessarily the darkness but hear the metal & honour…yeah…I could almost see the pride she was feeling. It made me incredibly HAPPY for her.
Then we get the opening scene. Nothing like a WHOOMP there it is moment eh? Wentworth Prison…let’s get right on with it shall we?
We get no preludes, no foreplay, no light kisses on the neck before they just start snappin them. One neck… after the other. The hangmans noose stretching. *Blink Blink* I am really trying to get the sound of cracking walnuts outta my head but it’s not going anywhere.
Interesting when Mom’s get together conversation usually turns to childbirth, sex or pooping…so.. about to be hanged men…talk about poopin’ too. These must be universal topics of conversation. Granted Jamie seems to want to change the topic to, you know…escaping or at least taking out a few guards before he goes out. Taran, he really likes to hear himself talk though. Chatty, that guy…I like his voice…liked…liked his voice. As long as it lasted.
Turns out, you probably shouldn’t bad mouth the people who are tying your noose for you. They tend not to take kindly to it and give you a bad hang. Not such a clean break comes for our friend Taran. His game of hangman lasts a lot longer than it should have…right to the last letter. His word was
Jamie is next to the hangman’s stairs but he doesn’t go easy. He puts up a fight, it doesn’t last long. His ankles are kinda in chains. It’s pretty amazing how large he still looks against the redcoats but yeah, they put him to his knees.
Jamie doesn’t look at the noose when it goes around his neck. He was watching Taran, hanging there. I have to say – I was a bit discombobulated watching that particular accessory making its way around Jamie’s beautiful throat. It did not match his eyes like…at ALL!
Riding in on his damn high horse…here he comes to save his day. Captain Creep Master General Himself…
You WILL notice I said to save HIS damn day. Usually it’s a white horse someone rides in on to save someone…this was a black horse. Yeah…symbolism – THIS is not lost on me. Not lost on Jamie either. Jamie looks about ready to jump off the side of the platform. It is definitely one of those moments I am sure he goes back to in his mind over & over again while he is in that dungeon of his.
Watching CCMG’s face in that moment…that sneer…it reminded me of someone from my childhood. Only took me a moment…the Raccoons villain. Cyril Sneer…nuck nuck nuck
Jamie doesn’t give up, he is wearing quite possibly the ugliest anklet in the history of anklets…and I have been to Ardene’s. That is saying something. He keeps at it – it looks hopeless – it sounds hopeless – I am pretty sure – it’s hopeless but the man has what we call…ummm…false hope…so he keeps on yanking his chain.
How many men does it take to bring a condemned man a meal of stale bread & some water? 2. One to carry the plate & torch and one to carry the pitcher of water – that never gets used. Jamie looks pretty hungry though, he rips into the bread like he hasn’t eaten in a month. Could be it’s been that long. Somebody make that boy a sandwich! *Fan’s all over the world decry their feminist beliefs to get the bread & balogna out of the fridge*
Yes… accommodations at this place are atrocious. I sure hope he writes a scathing review!
Next, we (you know, all of us & Claire) sit for a pleasant afternoon conversation with Sir Fletcher Gordon. The warden of Wentworth. Claire has made her way into the prison under the guise as a “distant family connection”.
Let’s detour for those not in the know…most of you are but it’s always a bit of fun trivia. Frazer Hines, who Diana spotted on an episode of Dr. Who about 100 yrs ago (Diana is ageless if you haven’t noticed) in a kilt & thought “Isn’t that fetching” and found herself still thinking of this young man in a kilt the next day…in church…and you wonder why I love this
If you want to read it all, read this from my friends at OutlanderTV News
We are back with Claire & Dr.WhoSirGordon, letting her know…nope, Jamie isn’t dead…yet. “Stroke of luck” he says. Ummm, stroke of something but your definition of luck and mine are way different buddy. I call lucky hitting the 6/49 jackpot. Maybe that’s just me. *shrug*
Claire sees the Bible on Sir G’s desk. Puts her 2 & 2 together and comes up with Jesus. So she decides it is time to throw down the christian card.
It works. Kind of. She hoped to see Jamie. That is a no. He’s a dangerous criminal and she is a high born English lady. That’s silly! She asks maybe a letter of reconciliation for his family. Nah…that’s not appropriate. Sir G is probably thinking the Scot probably can’t read or write anyway. OH! But she could do a wonderful kindness & save them some expense by taking this rotten kids stuff home to his family. When he leaves the room…Claire starts to fall apart. FFS Caitriona Balfe is insanely talented & I have NO idea how someone did not see this sooner but I am pretty friggen happen the universe works the way it does and they didn’t. So there.
Sir G comes back and Claire pulls it back together pretty well. The old fart hands over everything the young prisoner owns in the world – right here in this box to Claire. His whole life…
I often talk about Caitriona’s face. This time it was her hands, the way she grasped the box, Held it. Yeah…that. Come on. Woman. It was like she held Jamie’s and her own heart…right there. I might add…mine. Friggen box.
She leaves the prison weakened, stumbling & sickened. She throws up & Murtagh – grabs her & the box & carries her away from the place that cracked her heart – but didn’t break her. This is Claire. BADASS. I want to add. Duncan Lacroix has added THE 4th dimension to Murtagh that “I” always felt was there in the books that some others seem to be surprised by. For 20 yrs I have adored Murtagh – always thought he was soft, humourous & loveable…in a book you have to be willing to add the dimension…on TV the actor needs to be willing to give it. Duncan does with an extra bit of awesomeness mixed in. He gives us Murtagh. With an extra dash of eyebrows. The most expressive damned eyebrows to have lived. Yes, I know the eyebrows have their own twitter account.
The next scene has Angus n Rupert seemingly playin hookey. Murtagh is pretty pissy with them. As much as a hardass as Murtagh is, his potty mouth is pretty tame. Donkeys?! Our virgin ears. *giggle*
Of course, it only seemed like Angus & Rupert were humpin’ the dog. They in fact were doing some undercover interrogation. Sly, these two. Letting not one…but 2 jailers from Wentworth win all their monies at dice so they can get them to flap their gums about what happens at the prison. They get some really great recon information. LIKE – Sir G is super dedicated to his Bible time. So much so…he is away from his office for a solid hour everyday.
Our Angus n Rupert are pretty damn proud of themselves…as they should be.
Of course we go from the comedy duo straight to the depths of hell. Nothing like jerking our emotional chains.
Let’s be off to the dungeon. Where Jamie is still struggling to free his chains – there is not much in this young man that says “Give Up.” He can be heading to the gallows & he will get a shot in…as long as there is a chain to pull on…he will yank it.
Then there is Captain Creepy. He obviously was at top of his class in Smuggery101.
He enters the dungeon, aka – pit of hell, aka Not so Suite of Torture. I could go on all day…but I won’t. It makes my tummy hurt. Someone have some Pepto?
Ira Steven Behr – one of the co-executive producers & writers of this particular show…ummm…yeah, he is brilliant. He wrote the dialogue in this episode. Brilliance? Yeah…I would say that. CCMG starts waxing poetic & falls into referencing the King of Men. Touching…isn’t it? He even makes reference to Brutus later as well…Ira…you killed me with these and I loved them. Seems I’m a twisted little pretzel myself.
Naturally, we can’t omit or forget that they introduced Marley. Not the cute loveable dog Marley…but the slackjawed…sidekick that is to be CCMG’s gopher. His strong arm & “body servant”. Let’s all do a collective shudder together shall we? I am glad they didn’t match my imagination with this particular character. That would have been over the top & putrid. I am indeed disgusting because Marley of my mind…makes me want to jump off a bridge.
CCMG has a little chat with Jamie, letting him know he intercepted his petition of complaint against him. SUNNUVA! I am pretty sure we all heard him right, mentioning said petition “blackened his character”. Perhaps it is time someone grabbed Doucher Von Douchermeister a flipping mirror because I am thinking her has never seen himself clearly. He has ZERO character TO blacken.
That damned Duke of Sandringham- I tell you the old sot needs to get a swift kick in his wee balls. SmugCaptain Creepy takes the petition out…historical document it was – burns it. That’s over…done. Jamie knows it…we fade to black. Not Jack…just…black.
Now we are going back into Wentworth while Sir G McGee is doing his praying. Murtagh & Claire say that he told her to come back for a letter. Jamie was to write it for his family. These English folks really need to hook up with 1-800-Dentist…I can smell the rot from here. It takes a bit for the gaurdie fella with the narsty teeth to let them alone but he does. They search the office for keys & a map of the prison…one seems easy enough. The map…not so much. Moments you wish GPS was handy.
We are back in the pits of hell where CCMG is trying to do away with formalities. Asking if he can call Jamie Jamie…umm how about you don’t call him? Or how about you call him a cab so he can get the hell outta there? That would make this nicer. Oh right. It’s not supposed to be nice.
CCMG asks if he makes Jamie “uncomfortable” Hmmmm. You know something bud? I think you would make kittens on a cloud of cotton balls uncomfortable. You aren’t exactly Nan’s fresh baked cookies on Christmas morning. He taunts Jamie with his flogging & the psychological damage he wanted to inflict on him. What he wants to do is make Jamie surrender himself to him, admit he has broken him & to watch him break some more. He desperately wants Jamie to be afraid of him…that would get his rocks off like nobody’s business.
A gift. He wants to give Jamie a gift in return if gives him his surrender. You know Jack ole buddy ole pal…your idea of a gift…WAY off. SO off…so very fucked up.
Yes, his gift is a clean & honourable ending of Jamie’s choosing *ahem*. Uh-huh. The worst part of this whole speech that CCMG is giving – he believes every word that is coming out of his dirty mouth. Just think, he probably once kissed his own mama with that mouth. The mouth that is condemning a man to choose his death & promising him he will surrender to him. Such a charmer that one eh?
Claire & Murtagh are still in Sir G-man’s office looking for the map. They found the keys but lot of good they will do if they can’t find their way around. Ummmm – so much for that. Caught by narsty teeth…that’s ok. Murtagh hits him square in the sweet spot. You know the one….that one that makes folks go night night without a lullabye. You have to admit the “Ambien Noodle Shot” is better than his “Slit Your Throat & Give You a FlipTop Head” performance. Plus, it’s more aesthetically pleasing.
No more time now for niceties or maps. It’s time to get searching for where Jamie is. Claire is doing this on her own because she can claim “Swoon oops – I’m lost” & Murtagh can be all “DER…huh what? I’m gone for presents n shit” They agree to meet in the woods & off they go.
Claire is doing her level best to creep through bright & shiney halls of cheery Wentworth looking for her husband. I heard somewhere if you talk about something in a positive light, it will take on its tone. Is it working?
Calling for Jamie amongst the cells filled with filthy, shivering…at least I really really hope that guy was shivering…men. Nope…no Jamie. We all know where the poor sunnuvaellen is.
In one of the cells Jesus speaks. No for realsies. Jesus leads her way. His deep tenor raises from one of the glum cells, his face half lit with moonlight tells her where she can find her man.
Back in the condo of condemnation with Captain Creepy, Marley & their not so comfortable guest Jamie Fraser… our hosts anxiously awaiting the lads choice of death. Damn it son…there’s no choice! I WILL NOT SURRENDER!
Jack ain’t even mad. In fact, he seems chipper- impressed *eyeroll* He wonders if Jamie will let him see his back. What a weirdo. Marley…is anyone in there? You know what’s going on big guy? Really…Jamie just wants Creepy to shut the hell up – actually – there is something else going on behind those baby blues.
Captain Creepy takes a wide walk around our Jamie…wanting to feast his eyes on his back. Reaches & gets close enough that Jamie spins and is able to grab him by the throat & exchange some words. Marley’s cerebral cortex seems to be functioning on some level and he joins in the action. The scene plays out much like it did in the book…only…this time I can super see it! Right there…on the screen. This is still freaking me out!
Marley, doing what he thinks…well…if he does think…and not just ‘does’ what his minimal capacity base instinct of “fetch scot” gave him the inclination to do…does and he damn near kills Jamie until Captain Creepy deals Marley a good ole fashion Frantics Boot to the Head.
Slackjawed bugger looks as stupefied as…well…he is. So, we DON’T want him dead? We DO want him dead? Duh….boss….I’m so confused!
Since Marley just grunts n stares. He seems to respond to being called dog…we aren’t apt to know exactly what is going on in his big ole head. He is ordered to get Jamie to his feet. He does. Basic obedience. It’s his jam.
This is the moment when Captain Creepy just decides…pulls this random idea out of the blue. Jamie’s hand would look better as hamburger. Grabbing his handy dandy mallet.Why the hell not? Get Marley to hold his hand & we will just smash it all to shit. I heard people saying…why did Jamie scream so much when his hand was being crushed by a mallet but he didn’t make a sound during the flogging?
- 29 major and minor bones (many people have a few more).
- 29 major joints.
- At least 123 named ligaments.
- 34 muscles which move the fingers and thumb:
- 17 in the palm of the hand, and
- 18 in the forearm.
- 48 named nerves:
- 3 major nerves.
- 24 named sensory branches.
- 21 named muscular branches.
- 30 named arteries and nearly as many smaller named branches.
Maybe that? But I am only guessing.
PLUS…Gretel needed a sound to follow…didn’t she? I mean Claire.
We have to cut back to the depths of that dungeon room, Captain Creepy done crushing Jamie’s hand- he is almost passed out from the pain of it. Captain has real blame issues, simply refuses to accept responsibility for his own actions Nope- we can’t have that. CCMG wants his attention. Wakey Wakey rise n shine! Jamie wakes up alright..wakes up pretty pissed off & lunges- which turns out…excites lil creepy. This kids…is BAD TOUCHING. You know the kind that Mom told you about. Tsk Tsk Tsk.
The biggest hint that you are a disgusting human being is when another disgusting human being looks at you like this…
But no no. Even Creepy was getting too Creepy for Creepy. He has a fantasy to uphold and he wasn’t going to ruin it for himself. No way. No how. Time to get lil creepy into check.
SO yeah Jamie…he is there to HELP you. Help…again…this dude’s vocabulary is so incredibly backward & disjointed…it makes my head hurt. Jamie just passes out. He is so over this. Done like dinner.
Our Claire was making her way through the hallways…hot damn how I love that woman. Even with her desperation to find her husband, even hearing the screams, she has the wherewithal to find that door to the outside, unbolt, unlock and leave it. I kinda wish she would have kept that bolt so she could have used it to give Captain Creepy an enema…not gonna lie. Truth is though – any weapon she would have had- would have been turned around to be used on her so good call sister!
Major reason we love Claire. S.M.A.R.T.
The moment she finds him…I find myself transported back to the first time I picked up Diana’s book. I kid you not. I don’t care one wit that all dialogue isn’t there because I still have the books if I want to read them. I FELT THIS like I did the first time I read it. After the second time I watched it…I felt it again…the third time…I felt it again. You know what? I was never able to get that first time reader feeling back though. That is what I love about the show & the actors bringing the pages to life. The added dimension that you get to experience over and over.
Jamie knows she is there…and tells her to go because he knows that freak of nature is coming back. She doesn’t want to leave without him and grabs the mallet & the keys and tries to get him free- but yeah…Jamie…even in his delirium…totally right. Freakshow & his ape…are back. Claire throws some insults his way…calls him a fucking sadistic piece of shit. Which he is but he doesn’t know it because he doesn’t know what most of what she said is. Interesting concept…Black Jack Randall…invented it.
Oh a little chance with a couple Redcoats bounding through the halls looking for Claire, she implores them to take her to Sir G but yeah, they are pretty terrified of Old Creepy – because he is an Officer or because he is him. They know it ain’t right but Captain Creepy could have them there tomorrow so God Save the King and all that jazz…off they go!
Captain Creepy lets Marley get all up in Claires business, talks about seeing you next tuesday and how nope…even being as disgusting and nasty as HE is…he wouldn’t even want to watch Marley have his way with her. You can almost taste the vomit can’t you?
Claire isn’t taking any of this. When Marley is all curled around her…the bigger they are…the harder the knee to their balls. Down he drops like the sack of shite he is. She slams CCMG into the wall and throws a chain around his neck! WHOOOOOHOOOO You Go GIRL!
Jamie, see’s this – takes the opportunity, grabs the chair leg from the floor with what energy he has lunges and gives Marley a good old fashioned you are dead tracheotomy! BOOM!
CCMG knocks Claire ass over teakettle. Thank Ms.Fitz for bumrolls cuz that may have busted a sisters tailbone.
The hero’s can’t have the upper hand for long though. Not in this story. Not right now. Jack heaves Claire up by her throat because he is always so gentle. Jamie…gallantly screams for him to stop & offers himself to the sicko burrito if he lets her go.
It sounds good to him but nothing is cut & dried with Captain Creepy. Nope. We have to make sure you know just how much business he means. He now pulls a rusty nail (not the drink) out of a board and drives it into Jamie’s already ruined hand & the table itself- you know just to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. Cuz, yeah, the next train leaves in 5 minutes & he might wanna hop on that.
When Creepy pulled that nail out and started that business & Jamie reached for Claire. MAN! COME ON! I have feels that I must control & you people are making it NOT EASY!
It was torturous. It was beautiful. It was confusing as hell to my heart & my brain. This writing team is going to turn me into some sort of psychotic. Or some might argue keeping me on the path…
The acting. Impeccable. I believe Tobias – as Jack is a freak of nature. I believe Caitriona – as Claire is breaking piece by piece and I believe Sam – as Jamie, is in complete agony & accepting his fate, giving up his soul to save the life of the woman he loves. These people have transformed for me.
Ugh, Creepy then went in for a kiss…yeah. A kiss…we all spit after…right along with Jamie. My hubs wasn’t happy…you know the popcorn…not good soggy.
and NO…it is NOT because it was a dude kissing a dude…it is because it was Captain Creepy kissing Jamie…in front of his wife. THAT AIN’T RIGHT!
Jamie tells Creepy to take her away. Not wanting to go – she runs back to him- Jamie, always the hero…tells her… she must do it and tells her he loves her…calls her mo nighean donn. They Kiss…so tender like there is no pain – no hurt…only them… Then she is taken away.
As Captain Creepy is escorting her out, he mentions he heard about the rumour of her being a witch. Claire, never one to miss an opportunity…doesn’t JUST walk through that door, she smashed it open and breaks his damn nose with it.
Just to prove her point to him, she says his full name, date of birth, she curses him and tells him the day he dies…for dramatic effect, whispers it in his creepy little ear. I think he pooped a little.
I thought karma was a bitch…turns out. Black Jack Randall is…especially when you tell him news like that. He throws you out into a pit of dead folks. Not pleasant.
Taran McQuarrie made his final appearance. Dead. He still looked pretty good. I am just thankful we don’t have smell-o-vision. That would have been gnarly.
Lucky Jamie gets Jack back.
Claire crawled outta a deadfolk hole & into the woods where she was supposed to find the boys. The scene with the wolf from the book didn’t happen & you know what? OK. Can you imagine was a nightmare that would be production wise? Time, CGI, actual wolves, poor Cait…yeah…I am not heartbroken to rely on my imagination for the rest of my life for that one.
I may not have been completely heartbroken if we never went back into the chamber of misery but noooooooooooo- right back there and in a jiffy too.
We start of with a tad bit of good intentions we do. Captain Do Right, unchains Jamie’s ankle & gives him his word Claire is safe away. You know, that even catches in my throat as I type it. Sure…he has some honour for what sick, demented line it crosses.
Yeah, it takes him all of 20 seconds to cross said line. He tears open Jamies shirt to view his…masterpiece. Seriously. He is touching Jamie’s back like it’s a sheet of braille and he is reading it FFS! If it says anything Captain Creepy….it says you are one sick MoFo! Now…CCMG doesn’t just cross lines…he takes said line…kicks it a few feet…then jumps the hell over it.
I am pretty sure if you wandered into the Le Louvre and started licking the Mona Lisa…your ass would get kicked out. Captain Creepy…you have graduated to Captain Cracked. That is NOT a masterpiece…YOU are not an artist… Jamie’s back is NOT a canvas. Would someone please find Mentalmarvin a straight jacket and put us out of our misery?
During this. Let me say. One tear. That’s right. One tear.
Tobias goes to some pretty dark & diabolical places…Sam as an actor will have to go to some pretty weakened states as a person. I imagine…one maybe almost fun for some actors to do. Let’s face it…to be given permission to go to the darkest places in us, maybe invent those places & play with them. Now for Sam, to be exposed in that way – to allow someone to go to those dark places – and then direct them AT us. That’s a pretty vulnerable place to go. It’s a pointed struggle for a woman to do it. She would also have more sympathisers I would think- a man…it would go against every ounce of every fiber of every thing in their being. I think you can see if pretty clearly… in that tear.
Thank whoever you are thanking that they cut to Claire in the woods. It was too intense in that there tear!
We get to McRannock’s joint- he is the fella who gave Ellen the pearls. You know the sexy time pearls Jamie put around Claire’s neck on their wedding night & made love….*sigh*…never mind. I had to go there for a moment. It was a happy place.
You know something. Jamie’s mom…had it going on! Murtagh…McRannock…the dude she embarrassed that ran off in the night when she took off to marry Brian…and of course, Brian. McRannock isn’t convinced completely that he will be helping them, he ended up married with bairns of his own and well…he would do a lot for Ellen’s lad but get himself killed..and put his family in danger, might be a bit much aye?
It’s at this time a drunken sot comes in & McRannoch loses his nut on him. Murtagh goes to see whats up their craws and gets the “Murtagh’s face is gonna crack” look. You know…cuz it’s smilin so wide.
Seems…when there are kine…better known as cows in Canada…that means Murtagh transforms into Scottish MacGyver & we now have an escape plan for Jamie.
If we can lend you some moose – they can disguise themselves. Highland coo’s aren’t so different…well if you squint…close your eyes and yeah…maybe they are.
Yes…we have seen the previews. We have 2 wks. until Nekkid Randall…as enticing as Nekkid Gramma…but we are ready. We used to need drool buckets, we have exchanged them for barf buckets.
…and then once that is over…it won’t just be a droughtlander—We will be #WithOutLander…but we will survive! TOGETHER with out fellow #NUTLANDERS!
SL – the ABOotlander on Ativan