Wouldn’t you know I had to go away while Rent was airing on Showcase the Sunday before last. You know what is cool about that? Team work! Us Heughliots, we stick together like maple syrup on my chin when I was 10. My fellow admin from our FB Group Tammy @ took over our twitter page and did a fine job at it. Girl is touched. I say that with all the love of a cousin sister a girl could.
Rent opens with the MOST beautiful scene I think we have had the pleasure to lay our eyes or ears on so far (keeping in mind we haven’t seen Jamie’s ass yet *cough*). My God it was spectacular! Claire is reciting a poem – John Dunne is credited with it – however – it has been said John Hoskins was the original writer. *shrug* That’s why I didn’t credit the quote…because I don’t know for sure. Maybe “I” wrote it?
We meet Ned right off the shoot. What a wonderful lil guy he is. Charming really. Jumped right out of the pages of Diana’s book and into my heart. The boys are being boys and breaking in young Willie. Teasing him about doing it with his sister…you know, keep it in the family and all that. He doesn’t seem inclined to think they are funny but they are boys and boys will be what they are. In this case…HILL HAIRY ASS!
Now Lawyer Ned, he’s a wheezy buggerand Claire cures him with some pot aka Finger quotes “thornapple”…good for the lungs apparently…worked like a dream on Wheezey McWheezerson.
We head off onto the road, but there is no road. The boys are singing songs about grinding corn and I am 100% positive they aren’t talking about the vegtable or the the good ole Taber kind either. Nope. Dirty dogs.
It’s time to get all rude and talk in a language she doesn’t know. You know, just like going to Vo’s Nails to get a set of gel nails. You can tell she kinda thinks they are funny until they go ahead and start making jokes in the other language. Dammit…hard to laugh at what they are saying when you know damn well they are making fun of your ever expanding bum roll.
Angus tries to be nice by bringing her over an anorexic bunny to snack on but all their bullying ways have cost her to loose her appetite.
There were so many complaints going out in the twitterverse and Outlander World in general about the lack of Jamie & Claire time. Story is story…we move through it. I really felt that the time they DID have – was poignant. It was well placed and well thought out. He comes to her the first time to make sure she doesn’t take the boys being arsewipes to heart. She pouts a bit and he tells her “Hey now…you’re the one that tried to run off. Only a dummie would leave you to your own devices.” Claire knows it is true so she and her bumroll go for a stroll!
They set upon their first lil village to collect the rents n such. Taking goats, chickens, money and live pigs. Even though Ned didn’t want no stinkin pig! He got it anyway. Fine fat pigs are good investments. Yes Yes they are.
Claire gets bored and wanders away. She gets attracted by the singing coming from one of the shacks and lo n behold. Its a book club. No, its a pajama party. No, its a choir practice…Nope- its wool waulkers. Yes…they play in pee. You heard me right…not just any pee but hot out of the urethra pee!
The scene itself is pretty cool…till you remember they are elbows deep in wool – wool covered in piss. I get itchy n gaggy just thinking about it.
There can NOT be an episode where our Claire does not get her drink on. No sir. This girls “check liver” light has yet to go on so she is good to go! The ladies keep their boozed stored where the men can’t find it. I am guessing so they don’t give THAT away for Rent either.
Just as Claire is about to make her donation to Piss Is Us…Angus comes barging in because he has been looking ALL OVER GODS CREATION for her. Yeah, she was 20 feet away but whatever. Road Angus is an angry Angus. He be ragin!
He does NOT like a woman back talkin
Heehee…He wanted to knock her out but Angus knows better – he has a feeling this drunkard Sassenach could probably beat the shitdung out of him so he thinks twice. All sorts of shit goes down, Claire tries to give back the goat money- fights with Rupert & Dougal when…DUN DUN DUN! An English gentleman comes out of the woodwork…like literally out of the word work to ask after her well being. No matter how hard he tries, these Scots are not backing down – he thinks Claire is in trouble so this isn’t the last of him but he leaves all butt hurt and DUN DUN DUN – puts on that fancy redcoat of his.
This is where we sneak off the the taverns or tap houses where Dougal goes off on his Gaelic tangents. Claire thinking that he and Ned are pilfering money and using Jamie’s poor scarred back as a scare tactic. She is doing the bunny hop to each conclusion and coming up on the wrong side of the pond. Enraged Dougal+money+ English flogging victim = Funding the Jacobite rebellion ye wee besom. Come on Claire…it was SO obvious. If you read the book of course.
We go through numerous stages of her ignorance & assumptions. Ned plays into her hands like a parent trying to teach their child a lesson. She even makes Angus so mad he pulls a knife on her. Call HIM a thief will she? (Raiding the Grants for cattle doesn’t count because they do that for shiggles) Jamie once again tries to give her crazy curly head a shake & even though she knows he is right she gets her panties into a knot. Oh wait, she isn’t wearing panties…she gets her shift into a knot. She doesn’t GET what is happening so don’t judge…Judging is bad bad news. Well unless your Judy…then it makes your ass rich.
Claire finally clues into what Dougal & Ned are up to. Raising funds for the Jacobite cause. We has a FLASHFRANK where she proved she knew just more than a little about the fate of the poor Scots that get involved. It gives me a serious case of the feels. Love Bear McCreary’s music here too. He puts the title song in there when her little “idea bulb” goes off over her head. Well played sirs!
Dougal n Jamie are bickering in the woods, Jamie telling him to stop ripping off his damn shirt already! Dougal calls him a sweet lad – but No…as long as you are with me, I will show off your back all I like. You know Dougal McSideEye, as long as you show off his front at the same time – I do not object. Let that go on record eh?
Jamie is left on his own to beat wood. Hey hey now…he’s punching his timber…sex jokes are not funny! Cum on people!
They have another moment of casual intimate eye sex. These are the moments that some of the more ummmmm “testy” fans seem to forget or think just aren’t enough for them. They want the Jamie & Claire Secks Show…well folks, hate to break it you but even in the books there is more to the story.Aaaaaaand this here, it’s a TV show. TV shows need adaptation, even 16 hours is not enough to fit each conversation, each glance, each roll in the heather or each thing you think needs fitting. Ever try and put a marshmellow in a keyhole…yeah, like that.
I digressed! *GASP*
The next day, Claire is all “Bloody hell, I really like these guys and they all are gonna die in this stupid war that is going to come and wipe them out!” They pass a couple of poor Scots nailed on X’s and now Dougal has something else to enrage the folks in town about. Stinking Sassenachs…but not you Claire…you don’t stink.
Bedding down in the inn and Claire hears a ruckus in the hall. Goes be-lining it out the door and what does she find? A lovely little highland lump of manly goodness under his plaid at her doorway. *COLLECTIVE SIGH* Now WHY was he there? Because there were a bunch of drunks (she knows drunks) are downstairs and he didn’t want them bugging her.
I would have forced the wee bugger into my room…but I’m a hoooor like that. (Don’t tell my husband)
We know our Claire, she can’t keep her mouth shut worth a damn so the next morning while having breaky with Nedy she just has to talk about how this cause the are fighting for is already lost. They think you are an English spy dork…STOP YAMMERING. Oh wait a second…some loud mouth is obviously saying things Claire can’t understand but the rest of the Highlanders do (but not Jamie…he is out feeding the damn horses).
OK…highlanders beating the crap outta other highlanders is super hot. They need THAT done in a ring. *Growl* We all come to discover that the boys were fighting over Claire’s honour. THEY can call her a hooor & smelly Sassenach but no one else can by jeezus. Claire. Is. Speachless. Someone take a picture! Oh …Ok…I will!
Our episode ends with more feels from Claire. Now these guys really caught her heart – they go and take a walk through Culloden Moore. We get a FLASHFRANK here, when she walked the same walk before. This time, seeing the faces of those who may very well die there, 3 yrs from then.
Dougal lets her go wash up without her body guards…only to follow her and question who she is – AGAIN. THEN…THEN…Remember the lil english boy redcoat dude. He is here now & he brought his friends! They want to know if Claire is there by her own free will or being held captive.
And such this is why I am doing a 2fer, you don’t have to wait to find out what happens. Even though, let’s face it, I know most of you probably have. I’m not living in a bubble of ignorance – I’m Canadian. 2 totally different things.
So yes, the ending of Rent was our first of what I am sure will be many cliffhangery (It’s my word, put a cork in it) endings we will see. Yes, even though this particular scene wasn’t in the book, we know she goes to back w the English but its the suspence of the how is she getting there that is really interesting. This is WHY I love this adaptation. They are taking something I love. Know inside out, backwards, upside down and they are making it new for me but they are giving me glimpses of the things I love. Book moments shining through. All readers are different and some book moments mean SO much to one, the other just glazed over it. I read blogs or posts on “How could they LEAVE that part?”- sometimes the part to me wasn’t as epic as they might think Or “They totally lost the essence of that scene doing it that way” whereas I think the TV adaptation makes total sense. Each person comes from their own perspective, I respect that. Now those who live from a critical eye should respect that I AM LOVING THE SHIT OUTTA THIS. Why? On the whole I see it as I am so lucky to have gotten what I have. I am so grateful to have been on this ride. It is my job as a viewer to sit back, have fun & appreciate it for what it is…a TV show. Not a mirror image of my imagination or a rendering of what I believe should be my imagination come to life.
Now we move onto Episode 6. The Garrison. The Episode that if awards were given out for sheer brilliance in acting – we would have a sweep! Oh wait, there are – I smell EMMY…she smells nothing like bacon but whateves.
My views & commentary on this episode are pretty much. Ummmmm. It’s not the easiest episode to watch, yet…it is one of the hardest to tear your eyes from. You know what they say about train wrecks. Yeah. Like that only with really hot people acting like the trains.
We open with Claire thanking the redcoat very much but the McKenzies are her friends so thanks much. Get along. He however thinks…NAH…my boss hasn’t seen a woman in like forever, and we think if he only gets a good look at one, he will keep his hands of my hairy arse! Or at least that was my husbands inner/outer dialogue once he met Lord FancyPants. (Again, his name…though I liked it enough to use it)
Yes, Lord Fancypants is definitely NOT trying to make any friends. Dougal calls him a smout, I am prone to agree with him. I found this scene pretty fun really. You could see even though Claire is back with her “people” she was feeling a small disconnect. I thought Dougals side eye was going to go straight back to his brain. BOY…He does that just as good as any Mom out there.Dougal is almost ready to gut someone after being made fun of for both his speach & dress. Claire tells them all to behave themselves – children! PSH! Dougal tells them to eat their scraps, he’s off to drink some REAL beer. See?! This is why Dougal drives ME to drink (I will use any excuse handy – Dougal is todays) One day he is calling you out as a drunk in public, then, he defending you and whispering in your ear…MAN! Stop with the your dual faces. No wait…don’t stop…I love when you drive me crazy(er)
Plus…this Lord Fancypants couldn’t see past the boner in his pants to know what EVERYONE else in the world knew. Claire is a liar liar pants on fire. Yes! I know she couldn’t tell them the truth but the whole glass face thing…so on it! So now Claire feels safe, her story bought and like she will be heading back BADABINGBADABOOM…so Claire does what Claire does she says “Well in that case, I will have a little more wine!” Aw, who you kidding Claire, you would have had more if they said no.
And wouldn’t you know that as soon as she feels comfortable…the burlap sack dress of men comes waltzing in getting dust n boogers all over everyones wine. BJR is baaaaaaack!
No matter how good Sam & Cait are at the Eye Sex- Tobias is pretty much master of his own domain when it comes to Eye Wars…and starting them. Cait is a bloody good match. That first scene with them in TGC, they didn’t need words. They kept shooting the daggers with their eyes. Well played!
aaaaaand, what has the problem with Claire been? She likes to talk. She is a woman of the 20th century- and one that isn’t to be trifled with SO…BJR threw out the bait – and we watch.
*sigh* It never fails. Claire gets herself into hot water by opening her big ole mouth and BJR is all GOTCHA! I betcha he wishes he had an Easy button from Staples right about now. He’d be pushin that damn thing all over the place!
We take a quick break so EVERYONE can leave the dining area upstairs and Claire can help hack off an arm. All while people are sitting there having a beer. Some poor sot is laying on the table with his flesh n bone hanging all over the place and the surgeon takes out his icky dirty saw and starts well…sawing.
I can see the review on YELP right now
Back upstairs Claire goes, fully expecting to be back with the people who are sending her to where she wants to go. But Nope. Instead we are greeted with a shave. BJR getting one that is, by Shakey MacShakerson. Who doesn’t want him to just slip across that jugular and be done with it? Anyway, he gets cut then makes the poor kid sit down…scares the piss outta him…because well, thats what BJR does best.
Let the games begin, he sends Shakey on his way & is alone with Claire. Apologizing for previously behaviour and all that. Lets see…baiting again BJR? You aren’t transparent either. He however doesn’t buy what Claire is selling and things get ugly.
He goes from “lets work together” to I know you are a lying traitor because she feeds him a bullshit sandwich – you know the kind they have at Subway. Now….it is go time in the room of doom.
He starts talking about Jamie’s flogging. In graphic detail. In morbid graphic detail. Its like I can see it & hear it. Oh wait…I can. It’s horrifying. And the ass is loving it, feeling a deep connection with Jamie…or “the boy” as he called him. I know why he didn’t get up during this story. *shudder*
Yep, he is in a class of his own. He lives in CreepyTown and I don’t even want to talk about the flogging scene except to say. Sam is incredible. Tobias is a master and Cait- your face said what my heart felt.
If you didn’t know (how couldn’t you…but if you didn’t) this is Jamie’s daddy…Brian…he was there. Watching…and us book readers know. Yeah. *sniff* We know.
So the sick frickerhead keeps talking about the flogging like it was some sort of school art project that he aced. Can you say CRAZY MOFO… yeah me too CCMG.
Claire thinks, if she only keeps talking to him that she will find a sliver of the man she sees when she looks at him. Wishing against all hope…that FLASHFRANK is in there some where.
Yeah…he is NOT there and she knows it right about NOW
Now Jack can’t be the one having all the fun beating on Claire, he invites his little friend in. Who BTW looks horrified but would rather kick a soft n squishy Claire than be punished himself by the sadistic bastard. He is just really hoping no one tells his mom!
….DUN DUN NA NUN! Super Side Eye to the rescue! In comes Dougal and he be all like “Stop beating on her…she is OUR prison….ahem…guest, we are protecting her…I will start a friggen war with you. Today. I’m taking her!”
Looking more smarmy than even BJR – CCMG- lets her go but says they need her back the next day, cuz he isn’t done with his squishy pinata.
They ride off…to a beautiful Scottish backdrop, that apparently smells like the devil but Claire pops a squat and drinks anyway. Where Dougal asks again – Are you a spy. Claire is all like FFS Man! I’m just me…not a spy, not a hoooooor, not the bakers daughter…JUST Claire. Naturally if she added that she was from the future – he’d have to believe her because they were at the LIAR’S spring – but she didn’t know that and I bet she was all “DAMN! I could have told him the truth and he would have HAD to believe me.” Annnnnnyway. He believes her and tell her “No help for it. We need to turn you into a Scot and the only way to do that is marry one.”
Her reaction was -HELL TO THE NO! Then when she knew she’s be at BJR mercy again…the thought was more appealing. Dougal let her know it wouldn’t be him to marry her…even though…yes…he wanted to grind her corn?! Thats a helluva a pickup line eh?
Whose it gonna be boys? Rupert? Angus? Nedy? Nah….we all know. Jamie *girly sigh noise*.
Claire takes a drink from him willingly (Did NOT see that coming *snort*) and they have a little pre wedding chat. “My cherry…been popped, so gone…that cool with you Jamie?” “SURE!”, he says “You can break mine for me – Hows that sound?”
Claire marches off…gets herself hammered. Again.
I just have to add…I love the look on Murtagh’s face when she goes through all of them. Sly devil. Jamie looks like *shrug* She’ll come around right and Murtagh is like OH…She will!
On that note. I am away! Next week is the WEDDING. It’s a HOT one. Get out the fire extinguishers and maybe drop down a towel for the drool – et al. One of our Heughliot husbands tweeted Depends, asking if their product was strong enough to protect his couch while his wife watched the episode. Funny crew we have.
Until next time folks! The Wedding will get its OWN attention. I have LOTS of passing out GIFs to play with.
Heughliot At Large