Outlander Bedtime Stories – Droughtlanders in the Bedroom

I have been reading the Outlander books for over 20 yrs. Repeatedly. I have hardcover copies, tattered & well loved paper back copies, a kobo ebook with all the books & the audio books in my vehicle so I can listen to them wherever I go.

Which has made for some fun conversations with Diana Gabaldon on Twitter. Oh that woman is fun! DG n MEdg n me 2

You might say I have a problem…it’s that whole #cracklander dealio we first talked about in October.  You know something…I still have my teeth, I don’t get the shakes there are no open sores.  I might occasionally sweat a little bit – maybe I twitch but you have no idea how cute I look when I do it – so IT’S ALL GOOD!

My husband…my dear, sweet wonderful husband.  I have been with him for over 26 yrs, married going on 22.

Insert AWWWWW here We were always friggen adorable. Don’t mind the porn stach…it was the 80’s…we both regret it

He was never a friend of #JAMMF.  Just never liked him. Always saying his name in a high pitched whine. Jaaaaaaaammmiiiiiieeeeee! Referred to as my book boyfriend. The one who could do no wrong.

It was subtle. Annoying. A little funny at times as he really knew only little tidbits he saw on the back of a random book or heard what a friend & I  talking about over coffee w our SIGHING, Oooh Jamie’s & generally fangirling before we even knew what the hell fangirling was.

fangirls

It did however, look like this, even 20 years ago- at my kitchen table.

It was just a slight hate on and general discontent UNTIL…they announced…THE SHOW…and Jamie had a real live FACE. It was Sam Heughan bringing James Fraser to life. DUN DUN DUN! and…really….what a face. AMMIRIGHT?

He HAD said, many years ago…he refused to read the book but if they ever made it a TV show. He’d watch it…Fat chance I thought. Like that would ever happen. It would have to be EPIC. My first kitchen table girlfriend Brig (RIP Brig) & always said Jamie would have to be an unknown, a Scot, & preferably a theater actor…

Good Shudder

They went ahead and rang our bell 3 times! Ugh! *SQUIRREL*

SO HA! I got him.

*In his defense* The man, who is my husband, doesn’t read ANYTHING.  Ok…thats a lie, if it has glossy pages and hangs over the back of the toilet, he will take a minute or two.

This means, we watched.I was surprised he gave it chance. He loved it. Not just because of THE BENEFITS. He loved Claire, her character (he’s a dude, he likes her bewbs too, not gonna lie). Dougal…badass supreme…and once the series went on hiatus he hit the WTF happens next wall???

Well…I knew…he knew HOW I knew…and he knew I would read it again & he hates reading so…HE ASKED ME TO READ IT TO HIM! *THUD*  No way?  A dream come friggen true!  He wants me…to read my favourite story…to him…at night…before we fall asleep? Every night? What the who?

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

GASPINCANUCKALHEADS

There have been many times I thought I hit the husband jackpot. Seriously. The dude is a chef. He does laundry. Brings me coffee in the mornings. Washes dishes. Rubs my feet & I don’t even spend a lot of time on the suckers… This was the million dollar spin my people…the million dollar mutherstinkin spin! All because he can’t stand not KNOWING! He knew the info was out there in the form of a book, a really big book. If it looked like this…playboysthat would be a maybe for on his own but it doesn’t so it became our little bedtime ritual. I didn’t realize how entertaining he was going to be.  When we got to Dragonfly in Amber (which we are 34% through now)  I started hashtagging it on twitter. #Outlander #bedtimestories for anyone that might be interested.

I am going to flash back a bit here to show you a little of what the late night reads of Outlander sounded like…

“Wait…Dougal has hair?” “What colour is rustit?”  Apparently…understanding the TV & my reading is just as easy…russet…not rustit…I still had to explain what colour russet was too. It’s that same colour as rustit if you are curious. You will get about 50 different shades if you hit the google when you look for russet…look up rustit, you are on your own. Russet

“Jelly is just as freaky in the book” Jelly is what he calls Geillis – if you didn’t catch that on your own.

“Ok. I knew why you were hot for Jamie when I watched him in the show but this lady writes him like a GOD! Who can compete with that?” Oh babe…you can. When I close my eyes. Heehee. My man does dishes & laundry. Huge score.

I find it highly annoying that my man figures things out in the read. Like people don’t really die. I was always shocked when someone popped up later in the book. Him, when you hear of their death, he says something like “Yep RIGHT! Bet they come back! That lady (DG) seems like she likes to mess with peoples heads!”

When we got to Wentworth things got uncomfortable.  Hubs knew the outcome of what BJR did to Jamie. He used to tease my friends and I all the time. His lame attempts to make Jamie seem less masculine. “He gets it in the bum you know? Right!?”

In the where!?

In the where!?

Yeah… I never said he was the most mature ok?

That was his way of emasculating this book hero that he was jealous of. It became his “go to line”.

But…no…not butt. But, work with me people.

It was bedtime story time.  Claire found Jamie. I was shocked at his reaction. He cried. My husband.

Shhhh 'sok

Shhhh ‘sok

He cried when Claire left him behind. I always cried & he went ahead & cried along with me “There’s something in my eye. It’s Claire. God, Diana is good. This part is gonna be tough to watch for real.” For REAL! He said for real. These characters have become real for him. The lump in my throat became a physical thing I had to swallow.

*GULP*

I was a little surprised when he didn’t blink that Claire killed a wolf. WITH her bare hands. “Yeah…Claire killed a wolf. Now if she’d been drinking like she always does..she would have become kibble, tasty kibble, whisky kibble.” Point made.

30000084908

He knew what was coming next & all joking was aside, well maybe not all…guys gotta remain macho. “I don’t think I shoulda ate those chicken wings, my belly is a bit shaky.” “Marley – dude- you are givin me an innie.”  & the forever famous “How am I ever supposed to get a boner again after hearing you read this stuff?”

tear

No. More. Boners.Ever.

We got through Wentworth with more than a few “Holy shits” “Htf can someone even THINK of that kinda stuff to write it down?” & “I don’t even know if I can kiss your damn mouth after you said those gnarly things. “Jackie must not have been breast fed. Or loved. Ever.By anyone…was he left in a haystack by a pack of monkies?” He likes to call BJR Jackie. It is his way to emasculate HIM now.

It made me giggle when he asks to see the book jacket. “Let me see your book. I need to see who wrote this stuff again! Her? She doesn’t look like a twisted sicko…she looks sweet.Whats up with that?”

diana_gabaldon_2009

She does look sweet does’t she? *wink*

Rescuing Jamie was a high point for him. He of course KNEW that would happen (as he reminded me OVER & OVER & OVER again) as I had 7 other books on my shelves. Who the hell did I think was the hero in those? DERP!

What kinda idiot did I think he was anyway?

idjut

Let’s not answer that right now.

However, the use of cows was a pretty “crazy ass” thing to do…and even though Dougal is one of his favourite characters in both Book & in the TV show, hubcycle mentioned numerous times he was extremely disappointed in the douche move of not helping Claire out in the rescue attempt.  Saying he missed out on some huge possible “cop a feel” points if Jamie was stuck there a while.

disapo

Dougal, you have let him down…so sad

He thinks if HE was Dougal, he would have (copped a feel is MY guess). So he made sure I knew that he hopes Ron fixes that. For the record, I think he believes he is most like Dougal. More because he thinks I am most like Geillis (It must be the bat shit crazy and that they like to bang boots).

He was a fan of the hand setting. All of the “cool & groady” comments clinched it &  he really enjoyed McRannoch. He however was not a fan of the “Crisco bum” moment as he called it. For him, some things are better left unimagined. He really would rather not think about that any more than he had to.

No can commute.Delete now.

No can compute.Delete now.

Hubilicious wondered out loud if they will change the soldier that Claire kills from a 16 yr old boy to a young man…you know so all the ladies won’t get their panties turned inside out. Don’t get your panties turned inside out because I recounted his thoughts verbatim.  We both know THAT is going to be hard to watch too if they stay with that little fact. One of those things that make you go…hmmmm. Reading it is one thing…seeing it. Another.

The Abbey was hard enough for me to read on my own all 20 times I had done it.

drowning

The first time I have ever read it out loud to someone I love. THAT was tough. It was quiet. Intense. Raw. Intimate. He cried. Again. These characters have struck a chord in him.  He feels for them & with him. “You’re tearin my guts out. He said that right?”

Yeah. He did.

Until next time.

SL  ABOotlander gal

Singing the Droughtlander Blues. Christmas Carol style.

BAHAHA…drowning sorrows. NOT really. We are having a blast with our Droughtlander. I mean how cool is it that everyone is using the term that made its debut here? Not surprising really. Bloody witty bunch are we.

I was wrapping presents when I thought about this #HeughliFUN pic I did of Angus. I love this guy, no teeth and everything. Except when he gets road rage. That’s not attractive…I digress.

Angus smile

and thought to myself…”Self…(yes…what else would I call myself? Yes, crazy bitch, but at that moment I wasn’t feeling as rude as you are right now…so back off eh?) Self…what other Outlander characters could you make #HeughliFUN pics in relation to Christmas.”  Well, let’s just say…the ideas started flying out of my head. So wrapping stopped. SEE how it stopped!

wrapSince I have AOD= Attention Outlander Disorder. It’s an effin thing o.k.???  Just like we made Droughtlander a thing…we are making AOD a thing. Deal with it.  I jumped from the wrapping…and not like rapping…I’m a very white Canadian girl, I really should never do that. Like ever.

nerd-rapping-gif-UQDP

nerdy Canadian rapping…shhhh yer lips

Thinking of some of my favourite Christmas carols & it is so easy to picture my favourite Outlander characters with them.

My late mother loved the song “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”  Ironic huh?  Well of course now…I’m thinking this year anyway…Claire! She sure isn’t going to be but…I suppose it’s because I go to the place in my head with this song, huh?

Outlander 2014

Yep Claire…right there. Home.

Who else for Deck The Halls but Rupert…who literally decks people in halls? It was redumbdiculously obvious wasn’t it? I liked it fine.

rupertdeck

He has the cutest “Imma punch you in the mouth” face.

Singing can sometimes be bloody uncomfortable. Especially when we are deep into our cups. WE think we sound freaking fabulous…when in reality we sound much like ass. The song sounds a little like “What Child is THIS?” eh Hamish? See foot…insert mouth. DERP!

hamish

We have Away in A Manger. Jamie sleeps in one right? Claire goes and trips over his sorry hide in Episode 4. Comparing Jamie to Jesus…its a bit much but if you spend ANY time on social media at all…you’ve seen it. Don’t even pretend.

inamanger

Now don’t any prudes get their panties in a game of twister. This shit is funny right here. O Come O Come Emmanuel. You all better know where I am going with this one right here. It made me snort. Like snort, snort. Jamie had one helluva night on the Wedding episode. Yes, so did Claire but you know when you are the student – the MIND BLOWN moments were kinda awesome!

ouchie o

You know who is having a Blue Christmas? This GUY! Poor ole Frankmeister. Left alone to drown in his own sorrows.

blue christmas

He does have his own tribe of admirers though. Tobias’s Tribe. Lover’s of Frank. We have a few in our Heughliots group. Karen. She’s got it bad. Tobias fever. We thought about getting her fixed but we like her fine.

I know Christmas Carols have some lovely meaning to them, religious and deep. I want you all to remember, this blog. Isn’t. Its fun and shallow. Like a kiddie pool, without the pee. Please, don’t pee on the blog.

One of my FAVE parts of the show is when those boys, and yes, I call them boys are being boys. Rupert & Angus, the shinty game & of course when Dougal of all people is acting like a 12 yr old boy to get a laugh. This brings me to my next carol. Go Tell it on the Mountain!

tellit on the mountain

Really this is the concept of non-evolution at its best. Men. They still do this. Hell…so do women. It’s called ENJOYING LIFE. Bewbies. They can be funny. Deal with it.

I refuse to end this fun without my favourite “I hate this guy” Mr.Creepy McCreeperson Nasty General Dual Face UGH! Randall. Of course his carol is simple. Mr.GRINCH!

Oh this carol suits you BJR…Big Jerk Randall.

bjrclaire

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel,
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch,
Your heart’s an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch,
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch,
Given a choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch,
You’re the king of sinful sots,
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch,
With a nauseous super “naus”!,
You’re a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk”!

Yes, I know Diana has said she is BJR. I like to think she isn’t the part that puts a knife to the nipple of helpless women and goes flaccid when they stand up to her. Well..wait a second. I don’t think she CAN be that part *wink*

That wraps up our Christmas Carols meet Outlander. Oh CRAP…WRAP…OMG…I have so much wrapping left to do. Why the hell do you people let me get so distracted? Yes. Your fault!

You all are not good for me. Just saying.

squirrel-up-dog-gif

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Celebrate your Holiday with as much love and joy as humanly possible. If you are another species…then, have at ‘er!

With LOVE and AWESOMEBALLS,

SherryLynn & all of the other Heughliots

Cheers!

12 Days of Christmas – ABOotlander Style

It’s early ya say? Uh-huh. That’s what us Canadians do when we think we might get snowed in or some such nonsense. We take precautions and get stuff done. READ: So we can get our drink on. 

So grab yourself snowbeer outta your snowfridge (It maybe a Canadian thing…it may not) and sing along.

beer fridge

We’re no dummies!  Hold onto yer toques, cuz here we go!

Sing it with us...

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY JAMIE GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEE:

 

12 Twelve ABOot-hearts a drumming

x's 12 of these suckers...ummmm pounders...we are literal around here.

x’s 12 of these suckers…ummmm pounders…we are literal around here.

Heughliots

Shameless self promotion for our freaking fabulous group of Heughliots. Yeah that’s right. US. Well, a box of 12 assorted us’s anyway.

 

 

11Eleven Highland Pipers

 

No matter how you flip your screen over or blow their sporrans…the kilts will not move. Someone told me.

These lovely laddies are from the Seaforth Highlanders of Canada. They, are in fact based out of B.C. but they DO perform in Alberta. We are equal opportunity here with the ABOotlanders. Lots of B.C. fangirls. We are preachin it!

Honest- we were going to say something about 11 pipeliners…cuz you know. Oil n stuff…our Scottish friends – we have that in common, but politics – like unshaven legs, makes prickly bedfellows so, nope, not saying NUTHIN ’bout THAT!

eyelashes

 

british banknote 10 pounds sterling obverse

 Ten Redcoats fleeing

We know…We know…there are not 10 Red Coats in the picture. The way I see it, once the tears in your eyes blur your vision enough, it will LOOK like 10. I …can’t…stop…laughing.

 

I don’t why I found this but I did…and I almost pee’d

 


animated_9 (2)

 

Nine druids dancing

1    2     3     4    5     6    7  ummm  sure  8 & 9. Yup. Right there. Behind that stone.

 

Passed out. Bit drunk. Friends of Claire and let’s face it…any friend of Claire is a friend of ours.

Next Soberphobic meeting is at the Bothy…local pub,next month. Be there or be square!  Naturally we must mention, The Bothy was voted one of THE top Bars in CANADA .  Look ! All you have to do is google “Best Whisky Bar in Edmonton” the google machine does not lie. Right?

 

 

number-8Eight maids a waulking…wool  

(See, it isn’t just Canadians that throw random “u”‘s in words.)

Waulking wool..wet…juicy wool. You know the pissy kind. It sets the dye faster.

This is just one of the things that Diana Gabaldon teaches us. The woman is a walking encyclopedia. To learn from her just GO HERE!

woolwaulkers

 

 

#7

 Seven corns a grindin’ 

Grinding what? You might ask? Who, I might suggest.

corn grinders

We have the sweet Candy Corn.   The Canned English Corned Beef.   The 4 cobs of Corn…one looks a bit stunted in his niblets, does he not?  Oh,  we could not forget our Ole horn dog…*ahem* Corn Dog. (And that’s his stick! STICK. You dirty bunch of…)

 

 

6_3

Six; bad advice for laying

…frig knows Jamie got enough to pass on. Let’s see. Where shall we start?

6– Go as fast as ya can. Get it over with! FOREPLAY is a word…a long word for a reason. *Bad Advice Rating- 8 STARS*

5 Always do it from behind. Granted, the faces ya all make can be a bit of a turn off, we do like to kiss your faces and sometimes  you look super cute. *Bad Advice Rating -5 STARS- from behind is sometimes fun*

4– Don’t take your shirt or boots off. No one wants to see you naked. The reason our happy parts are so far down is so we can have fun taking our clothes off to get to them. SHEESH! *Bad Advice Rating- 7 STARS- Socks are a different story in Canada in the winter…effin cold out there.*

3– Don’t talk during sex. It’s distracting. Pardon? This might be the most important time to communicate. That hurts. That feels good. Stop that. Do that more. *Bad Advice Rating -7 Stars- If you are talking about whats on the TO-DO list for tomorrow…and it isn’t me, then we have a problem.*

2– Stay in one position. Don’t move. That’s a sure fire way to get a cramp. Switch it up. Get creative. Be the twister of the bed sheets. *Bad Advice Rating -8 Stars- That kinda non-action can be …yawn…pretty boring…monotony in the bedroom…no fun.

1– Spit on it. JUST NO. *Bad Advice Rating -100 Stars- JUST NO!

 

 

#5 Five goooooooolden drammmmmmmmms (of Whisky!)

Dram

 

…and yes…we KNOW shots are WAY more than drams but – this was way more fun.

We took bets would Tammy pull a “Jamie on a boat”, or would Tammy not pull a “Jamie on a boat”.  We MEAN PUKE…*sigh* … can’t say any damn thing around you people.  She didn’t.  Sweet Jezuz was the ride home interesting though!

 

 

Outlander

 

Four Calling Clansmen

– or women in a parkling lot after a party- ya know…whateves.

There were no Heughliots hurt in the making of this video. Except maybe feelings.

 

 

countdown-gif-10

 

Three French Hooooooors

We might not be french but we are a reasonable facsimile for the other thing.

 

 

#2 Two beavers ahhh..rogering

Hey we’re Canadian – Our porn is on the national geoGRAPHICside. Unshaved beavers EVERYWHERE.  If you thought…for 2 seconds, you were going to get through this CANADIAN blog…without seeing or hearing about beavers, that is your own fault.  Remember…fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on me…fool me three times… it must be CHRISTMAS.  Besides, its Toger.  THE cutest damn beaver in history. He even has a story.

anita toger

Even our mascot Toger has to look for some love outside of getting harassed by wee Angus.

 

 

 

#1

And a pearl necklace draped o’er ME

pearl necklace

The PEARL Necklace and all insinuation that goes with it.

 

Yes. Me. We understand that “ME” means you…and YOU…and YOU. WE…get it.

 

We certainly hope you enjoyed the HEUGHLIOTS take on the 12 days of Christmas. We were early for Thanksgiving. We brought #Droughtlander to you. We only thought it right the 12 days be a smidge early too.

With that…

Nollaig chridheil agus bliadhna mhath ùr!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

From the Heughliots of ALBERTA

 ALL 167 locals that is

Here, you have a small # of the Heughliots in the Wild. A rare creature…don’t turn your back on them. You may find yourself goosed or better.

 

This blog brought to you by the twisted minds of Admin Tammy & SL Heughliot @ Large and many random suggestions & ideas from the HEUGHLIOT ladies *ahem* (term used lightly / loosely) event.

Please feel free to comment. We read everything #AssumingPositiveIntent so even if  you are trying to be mean…it will only stick to you-

To Excite and Entice. No?

To Excite and Entice. No?