Bucketlist — Dining with Diana – CHECK…holy snapping turtles…that’s a CHECK!

How? How does something like THAT happen to normal people?

*Blink* *Blink* We must be dreaming!

*Blink* *Blink*
We must be dreaming!

Ok…first. We perhaps aren’t normal.  However the perfect storm WAS brewing.

An event- When Worlds Collide Diana Gabaldon will attend said event. The ABOotlanders find out about said event and decide there is NO OTHER CHOICE. This is the perfect storm. The positive intent, good will, good people & love we have following us around – we knew this event was going to be one we would cherish no matter what.

stormwwc

I am sure you are curious as to how WE…the lowly AB-Ootlanders could have gotten Diana to dine with us.  I assure you there were no Diana’s hurt in the making of this experience.  No duct tape, or chloroform used, no draw of puppies/hedgehogs or Toger’s at the table (O.K. there was a Toger but we didn’t take that out til later) or trickery of any kind. However, I believe the story starts the night before. I think I will start there. This is called suspense.

Stories need that – or so I learned at this writers conference.

Did you seriously just groan?  Rude…that’s just rude.

You are such a kidder! Big kidder mckidderson!

You are such a kidder! Big kidder mckidderson!

These are random details of what happened at this years When World Collide event in Calgary. From how I remember it.  That mean’s artistic license or something to that effect *snort*.

 The ABOotlanders came out in droves. WHY? Because SHE, would be there. Diana.  With our crowd…she needs no last name.  Diana, not only would be here but she would be ALL over here. 

Our first opportunity to see her…maybe walk by her…or make eye contact with her and get a little Diana nod (Someone should make a Diana bobble head…it needs to be very lil, sweet and not wobbly but a stiff wobbler because she has the perfect way of acknowledging you without seeming dismissive like some, hers said “I know you are here & happy to see me” and THAT’S COOL.) was at the Fish Creek Library.  Event starting at 7:00 pm.  Kim & I decided we MUST get there early. 5:00 pm will be early enough right?  Maybe 4:30…there are SOOOO many people who love Diana…its going to be crazy.  Ok…we will go at 5:00. Fine!

Are we early? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Are we early? Huh? Huh? Huh?

We race up the elevator at mach speeds. I lie. SLOWEST. ELEVATOR. EVER. Maybe its super fast but seriously we felt like we were getting sucked into another dimension this thing was so slow. FINALLY the door open and there are a few people standing there. 2 ladies & a gentleman. Staring at us very questionably. “Oh…hello” the gentleman at Fish Creek Library says “Who are you with?” I realize because we are SO early, he thinks we are with one of the authors to help set up books to be sold. Ummmmmm a little embarrassing but Kim…her enthusiastic and wonderful self pipes up “THE ABOOTLANDERS!”  The 3 people stare at her blankly. “The…Ab-whowhat?” – “You’re a bookseller?” he says look down at Kim’s shirt, which is silkscreened with the words  ‘A. MALCOLM  BookSeller & Printer’ (Which btw – Diana told Kim she liked – cuz…well…it’s an awesome shirt)

“Oh no” Kim replies “I don’t sell books, I’m a fan!”  Realization dawns on their faces and they look at each others faces.  These are fans. Oh boy!peasant1

Yep! That’s us! Keeners!  Are arms are full!  We have gifts for Diana, we have a HUGE flat cardboard box which houses our Giant Jamie & Semi Giant Claire (poor girl came out smaller than we hoped).  They were very gracious and offered to let us store our goodies while we were banished to the downstairs library to wait…one WHOLE HOUR! UGH! Longest. Hour. Ever.  We were labeled as super fans…which I will wear happily as it’s kinda true.

6 pm rolls around and we ixnay the elevator and boogie up the stairs to claim our front row seats! We set up Giant Jamie & Semi-Giant Claire in the back of the library.  I really ought to bring a donation box for those who take photos with them. The ABOotlanders could make a mint! It was so great to make so many Outlander fans happy though. We ended up recruiting so many wonderful friends to our group that evening.  Diana came up on the elevator & I watched he make her way in the room…I am sure she has feet but she almost seems to glide…yeah…ok…shhh. I saw her catch a glimpse of Jamie & Claire and her face was one of “Oh…look isn’t that odd- those two just standing there like that.”  Make me giggle inside.No…I giggled out loud and babbled to everyone around me to as what I had just witnessed.

The Fish Creek Library did a great job of hosting the readings. We were gifted with readings by not only  Diana Gabaldon but Daniel Abraham (M.L.N. Hanover), David B. Coe (D.B. Jackson), CJ Carmichael, Faith Hunter (Gwen Hunter) and the amazingly witty and wonderful Brandon Mull.  Brandon won the hearts of all of the ABOotlanders, as well as Diana.

brandonmull diana

I bought his BEYONDERS series for my 16 yr old man child but I plan on reading it as well.  Seriously, this guy IS personality.  The other authors all have something wonderful to offer, don’t get me wrong.  David was another one of my favourites.  He truly is a wonderful human being with a contagion of spirit & I will be picking up his Thieftaker Chronicles very soon!

The readings were wonderful, Diana went last and she read from book 9. *sigh* I am not in a huge rush for this book to come out, even though I will be first in line when it does. I understand her standing in front of me for 4 days means there is no way she is going to be able to write…so…I take this.

She reads so beautifully, I get transported into her story…she says something about Jamie being naked and boom…you can hear the audible sigh of the room, its almost like the collective intake of breath pulls the walls of the library in around us…I sag in my seat. I don’t really mean to but her imagery is just too good. It’s really her own fault isn’t it? Yeah. That’s what I think too.  As she continues to read…the scene is intense, poignant and ends with a universal “oh” around the room. Leaving us wanting more…but that is the magic of Diana is it not?

There was a Q&A with the authors & then the signing.  Since there were only 200 people at this event, it didn’t take long and the ABOotlanders had a plan.  We planned to hang back.  Wait till the last to try and score a bit more time with her because we brought some very special gifts with us.  One of our admins, Cheryl came up with the brilliant idea to have a set of 5 whiskey glasses hand painted by the talented Nikki Galenza, who is our resident ABOotlander artist.

whisky

You can commision Nikki to do these for you.  They are themed to each of the first 5 books in the series and they are stunning!  We wanted to be able to show Diana & explain where we had them done.  Plus taking time to have our books & other bits of nostalgia signed by her. Sweet Kim also  gave her a box of Canadian chocolates, one in the box was whisky infused to go with our theme.  Diana loved the glasses & the chocolates, as per usual was extremely gracious.  I made sure they were packed up good and solid & mentioned I hoped she had room. She said she would make room.

Hanging out at the Library :)

Hanging out at the Library 🙂

We had such a fabulous time. Meeting so many new members for our group & having extra moments with Diana. We were leaving the library all together when I thought to myself “LIFE MADE” because I made her laugh. Lil ole me…might not seem like such a big deal but I do love to make people giggle and making Diana laugh was a special thing for me. We were all tromping down the stairs (Diana doesn’t tromp – no…she was gliding.heehee) and Kim mentioned she would like to hit the swimming pool at the hotel for a dip. In which I had to remind her I forgot my swimsuit so “Ummmm yeah Kim, I’d have to go naked and girlfrien’ ain’t NO ONE wanna see THAT!” in which Diana looked over her should with a laugh. In that moment my heart skipped a beat and yes…I thought “Life made.” However…Friday hadn’t happened yet…That was premature speculation.

See what she did there?

See what she did there?

I am heading straight for the BIG MOMENT on Friday. Of course we would like to think Diana knows who the ABOotlanders are 🙂 She has shared our Blog in the past, she tweets with us

tweet

I don’t make this up…

We aren’t delusional we know we aren’t the only ones, however, we still love our happy lil bubble!

Friday afternoon, a group of the ABOotlanders decide to head to the pub that is attached to the hotel to get a bite to eat & talk about all the awesomeness we have experienced so far.  We are talking about Diana’s readings…when Sam (our Sam…not THE Sam…well she is our THE Sam..not the HE THE Sam…ugh..

I want me to shut up now

I want me to shut up now

you understand right?) whispers to us “Diana just walked in…she’s alone.”  Huh? What? Now? Here? What? Then Sam looks at me and says “SherryLynn you are the only one with balls big enough to go and talk to her!”  I puff up a bit at the compliment but in my head I am thinking “NO I’m not…I left my balls under the sink at home…and that’s 3 hours away!”  However, I squared my shoulders, got up from the table & filled with 9 other women who are relying on me and follow Diana around the pub. “Hello Diana”  “Oh, Hello

Are you here alone (DUH of course she is here alone you bonehead…there is NO ONE with her..save yourself!) or are you expecting someone to join you (good save idjit!)?  “No no, I’m here alone.”  “I’m here with a few (ok…maybe not a few – more like 9 but who’s counting…hell…I can barely form a thought…math can’t happen) friends and we’d  be honoured if you would join us for a bite & a drink if you have the time.”  “That would be lovely if you wouldn’t mind.”  (Wouldn’t mind…wouldn’t mind….oh my gosh…I am doing everything in my power to keep from grasping your hand and running up those 3 little steps to the table with you and yelling “LOOK WHO I BROUGHT FOR DINNER!“) But I don’t…I take a deep breathe and say “Mind? Diana…I can’t tell you what a thrill it would be!” or something like that…I am sure I gushed but I don’t think I got any on her.

We walk up the tiny steps to the table and the looks on the ladies faces were priceless. They looked like little children seeing Santa on Christmas morning, and Diana graciously smiled to them and THANKED US for letting HER join US. I mean come on…Best Moment.  I think I said something to this effect and she made a comment along the lines of her hoping my life was more exciting than that. *snicker* I quite like that about her too. She is “just Diana”. I admire that. But to me…well you all know.  Serious lady admiration right there!

woman-crush-wednesday-shailene-woodley

The pub was understaffed…oh darn. That gave us lots of time to chat. I certainly didn’t want to sound like I was interviewing her but I had SO many questions to ask. So many things I had always wondered. This was the only opportunity I would ever get. She was sitting right beside me. I could touch her.  I tried not to…I think I did once…just to make sure she was real. She was.

I have always suspected & I truly don’t think anyone would be surprised by this however it is something I always wanted to know from her. If she was an introvert.  That is a 100% yes.  Of course introverts aren’t always what people believe but Diana is one & I respect her greatly for how she carries herself, especially in crowds & with people (like us) vying for her attention.

Second up – I have always watched videos of interviews, read about Diana, & viewed media clips of her (not because I am a creepy freaky stalker…AM NOT!) but because of my draw to her personality.  It started for her writing, but her demeanor, introverted nature, say it like it isness, direct style & analytical mind intrigues me.

Way before Outlander became a TV series, her answers to questions or outlook has simply fascinated me. Where I have heard others complain the same answers come again and again…I admire that.  It means she is nothing else but 100% authentic. Same question? Same answer. Why in heavens SHOULD it change? To entertain the masses? Hell no. If we want a different answer then someone ought to ask another question right?  ANYWAY…when you have listened to her speak for a good long time, you tend to get an idea of how this lady thinks. What her opinions might be on different subjects.  So I find myself…while reading certain parts of her books my mind drifting out of the characters I am reading. Such as when Lawrence Stern & Claire are having such conversations about Faith vs Science. Or Claire is struggling with the idea of tying the tubes of a slave being impregnated by her master…my mind drifts from the voice of the character to the voice of Diana and I feel I am listening to her. Her opinions, her voice and her commentary. I wanted desperately to know if I was crazy or if it was a way she was simply slipping “a random” social commentary into the dialogue.

It turns out I am not crazy at all and Diana is IN her books. Not just in her main characters but in her stories, scattered throughout.  I love her & her books all the more to hear that sweet detail.

Since I read the books to my husband with our BedTimeStories, I used this to bring up the topic of relationships.  Her relationship with Doug is admirable. We spoke about how she usually travels on her own but she made sure to take him when she visited the set – knowing he would in fact have a delightful time before he did.  That’s the thing about many relationships, we know. It was lovely to see her face light up as she spoke of him having fun with the crew of the show.

Ain't LOVE Grand?

Ain’t LOVE Grand?

Diana is writing episode 2-11 & will be traveling to Scotland again when they film it.  It is definitely a different process but one you can tell has challenged her in a good way. It certainly seems she had fun with it. I tried to dig more out of her but she won’t budge & may I say it? I respect the hell out of her for it.

She speaks highly of Sam Heughan…interestingly enough, we spoke of him when we spoke of introverts. I said I had an inkling he shared that same trait with her. She said she thought so too however being an actor he certainly knew how to deal with the public and was a very secure & good natured young man.  As we can plainly see in the way she corresponds with him in the public eye on social media, she likes the guy.  Letting us know he has a generous & kind guy.  It is of course one thing to see this kind of thing in play online…it is quite another to hear it spoken.

You know, having a meal with Diana wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be. I do NOT remember what I ate. No idea. I am drawing a total blank.  I do know I didn’t have the calamari. *snort*

Yeah Sam...how could YOU?

Yeah Samantha…how could YOU?*snicker*

Conversation was natural with the all the ladies, talking about places to visit. Characters, the books & most of the time “I can’t believe this is happening.” was floating around in my brain. Eventually it turned to “I am so grateful this is happening.”

The ABOotlanders always come prepared. (In fact we were planning on giving this to Diana the next night but Bobbi Jo is awesome and HAPPENED to have it with her and when opportunity knocks – we answer that damn door)

Ok...we answer no matter WHO is at the door.

Ok…we answer no matter WHO is at the door. We are a trusting bunch.

We like to get those we admire shirts with our mascot on them. Toger.  He’s an adorable beaver. Now…we thought Diana might like a cowl neck, 3/4 cut sleeve, beautiful blue shirt instead of a T-shirt, so AB-Ootlander Bobbi Jo had one made. She had Toger put on Diana’s shirt- on her shoulder…I mean how PERFECT !  Who doesn’t imagine looking over her shoulder while she writes? Maybe Diana will wear this shirt one day while writing & wee Toger will have that gift. I was honoured to present her with the shirt, explaining to her Toger & how he came to be.  Telling her how Graham McTavishes reacted to his shirt at Calgary Expo.  It was entertaining…and she was, once again…gracious & lovely.

Togershirtpre

Eventually, Diana finished her meal & it was time to leave – getting her wallet out I assured her that wasn’t necessary. I wanted to take care of that. I couldn’t fathom having shared a meal with her & having her pay for it. THAT just wouldn’t be right on any level. Plus, I am pretty sure simply for the fact I talked  and watched her the whole time…I owed it to her.

Here take it...take it all...I owe you so much more than lunch!

Here take it…take it all…I owe you so much more than lunch!

We had 2 more days of Diana readings, visits & banquets. I also asked her permission to talk about our “date” here – which I received.

The ABOotlanders who attended pose with Diana at the Western Themed Banquet

The ABOotlanders pose with Diana at the Western Themed Banquet

Our Giant Jamie & Semi Giant Claire - Hmmmm- Petite Claire...Hanging out with their favourite person!

Our Giant Jamie & Semi Giant Claire – Hmmmm- Petite Claire…Hanging out with their favourite person!

Gracious…you would think that would be the one word I would use to describe this woman if I had to.  I have thought about that a lot this week…what word would I use?

I have chosen one. Dynamism.  It means a great energy, force, or power.  That’s what Diana has. A great energy. A force that draws you in.  New word!  Dianamism. There you go.

force

 I can’t hold off sharing this with you any longer! Naughtlander has taken a lot out of us but this was the restorative we needed…granted…whisky or your bevvie of choice will help, as per, it is always the best cure for Droughtlander!

droughtlander

Click to see the 1st of our blogs Diana shared on her FB page

KINDNESS & LOTS OF LOVE coming your way!

                               SherryLynn- ABOotlander in Chief

La- La- Lallybroch all the way home!

A dozen. Can you believe we have made it to a dozen episodes already? What started out as a glisten in our eyes.  Damn, time flies when you are a manic obsessive eh?

The Lallybroch episode opens focusing in on puppies. FOOLED YA! Not the puppies you are used to focusing on at the beginning of the show. Not this time. Still they are adorable! There was that Showcase Nudity Expectation…they call it a warning, I call it a shout out of show benefitsadultcontentThere goes that digression again.

If anyone doesn’t have an insatiable urge to travel to Scotland simply by watching the aerial shots the show features…I think you are dead inside. DEAD. Tourism Scotland should pay Diana Gabaldon & all of the Outlander Starz a royalty. I mean…REALLY.

kimberleeonlinetakemymoney

We are travelling to Lallybroch at mach speeds, that is what we are doing. Jamie is taking NO chances that Claire is going to change her mind. Those friggen airplane flying things she is talking about sound so chill- she probably told him about running water & not having to bury your own poop too. He’s getting her the hell outta stonehedge as fast as Donas can take them.

I know, I know…looks like a slow freaking trot but honestly. It didn’t take that long to get there did it? Work with me people.

Marriage, facetime & all sorts of personal goodtimes later Jamie finds out Claire is robbing the cradle. A good ole SILF. She’s no one’s mother…just a regular ole Sassenach. It’s all good, it’s only a few years, plus girlfriend is VERRA well put together for someone 200 and some yrs older than he is. He could do laoghaire much worse. She has all her own teeth & hardly a pock mark to speak off- except that freaky deaky devilly one on her arm…shhhhh.

shhhh
Shhhhh. Between you n me.

They get to the arriving stages and when Jamie is supposed to be getting happy. The demons of memory start seeping in. He tells Claire he was told rumours about Jenny…uh-huh. Rumours. I think ANY of us could help Jamie our with the rumour department. If you didn’t see it with your own damn eyes or hear it with your own damn ears shut your own big mouth. Or something to that effect eh?

*Rumours - we can tell they travel faster because he heard Jenny was pregnant cuz of Randall but he heard nothing about her marrying Ian. Which wasn't a rumour...it was TRUE. Stupid rumoUrs. PFT!

*Rumours – we can tell they travel faster because he heard Jenny was pregnant cuz of Randall but he heard nothing about her marrying Ian. Which wasn’t a rumour…it was TRUE. Stupid rumoUrs. PFT!

Jamie, as manly as he looks in or out of a kilt or in or out of trews…he still has a lot to learn about being a man…this is where the lessons will start.

I loved the arrival shot…even though I wanted to tell Donas to go home…he looked drunk…boppin into Jamie, then I thought “Hey, if he was walking me like that, I’d bop into him too. You go Donas!”

bigbutts

Just a lil earworm to start your day

“Jamie” A very pregnant Jenny says. A wee lil mite looks up and a big ole red heided man looks over.

She drops, what I hope is dirty laundry…cuz if that was clean…BUGGER…doing laundry back then took too much work to just drop it in the door yard!

god-damnit-o
You are going to have to do all that laundry again. That…man…that’s rough.

 She holds in her baby belly to run into her brothers arms to give him a big hug. Then as quick as the happy homecoming lasts. It’s pretty much over. She chastises him for not texting, sending an email or snap chatting. Rude man. Would have taken just a minute…okay probably would have taken a couple weeks/months to send a messenger. Still RUDE. You deserved that.

little-boy-and-little-girl-o

Then she happily introduces that cute little wee man Jamie to his Uncle. Now because Big Jamie was stupid enough to listen to rumours (remember what happens when you do that people) he jumps on the conclusion bridge and falls through the slats. He makes an ass of himself asking why she would name Randalls bastard after him. DOH!  Jenny doesn’t mince many words…insinuating she is a hoooor? Bad moove dude. GAD…I love it when they bandy about the word hooooor.

Claire tries to get Jamie to see some reason but that’s not gonna go over because a) he’s a stubborn pig headed FRASER b) Jenny called her a trollop.  No worries. I am pretty sure Claire knows a pissy Fraser when she sees one. She takes a step back and lets the rams battle it out a bit.  sibling

Jenny threatens to grab Jamie by the ballocks to make him listen, just like she did when they were younger. So- for all those that said Jenny seemed harsher in the show than the books. You might remember – this passage is FROM the books. Only in the show, Jamie isn’t actually wearing his kilt, he is wearing his trews so they didn’t have her go as fast as a snake and grab his balls…like she did in the book.

Go back in time and tell me THE Jenny that ACTUALLY grabbed his balls & squeezed “wasn’t as harsh” *giggle*.  Truth is, when you are faced with a woman of strength, power & un-shakability. It is stark. Real.  That’s what Laura Donnolly did. 3 cheers girlfriend, you grabbed Jenny “takes no shit from nobody” Fraser Murray by the balls and ran with her. Well done.

Jamie is scandalized she should say such a thing in front of his wife. PSHAW Jamie…she knows all about your balls by now Jenny says. Don’t be such a ninny. Point taken. Claire does…really really does.

Jenny tries to remind him the last time she saw him he wasn’t exactly in the best of condition so how about he change his attitude. Then Ian rounds the corner & sets him straight. Those babies are mine – yep- your Brother in Law & btw…we thought you were dead. Maybe if you only wrote once in a while this whole big mess might have been taken care of.

I get it, the price on your head. Shame how things like that get in the way. It’s all comes down to effective communication folks!

Ya think?
Ya think?

A wee side note…those who have a difficulty warming up to Jenny…thinking she is like sharp glass. Those who see certain women in their lives like this. Are looking at Jenny with their personal experience filter. They may very well be intimidated by those women or dislike them & are attaching those feelings to Jenny. They might not see that but it’s one of those things many of us do without ever realizing it. Sometimes, it is even the traits in ourselves we don’t like…and we see them reflected in those characters. Well, we can outwardly hate them way easier than we can hate ourselves…huh?

right
That’s right…I said it.

Always a Hoppy Guy Ian welcomes Jamie with open arms – Claire too.  Jamie is about to say I am—sorry—but Jenny decides it madlibs time and she finishes his sentence with “a damn fool” and some other unflattering stuff.

pl1m8K2

Back into the house for the understatement of the 18th century.  HoppyGuyIan asks Claire “Do y’drink whisky?” She replies “I’ve been known to have a glass or two.” Let’s finish your sentence for you Claire…since you clearly didn’t. “before breakfast.” or “with another 5 glasses of whisky.” or “added to pocket flask to get through every conversation I have ever had.” HoppyGuyIan gives her his seal of approval & lets her know to prep her liver. It’s going to be a meter checking kinda night.

liver

Jamie glutton for punishment that he is, has this NEED…even though he has been experiencing flash backs.  You see he seems prone to PTSD.  Jamie just has to hear what Captain Creep Master General Randall did to his sister while he was passed out hanging in the yard .  She is only gonna tell you once buddy so you best clean the shit outta your ears and listen good!

This is not just a story, it’s a pop up book…well…not quite. We will get to that.

Captain Creep turns up his level of creep factor to oh…about 942 in this scene. Takes her hand like he is Creepy Uncle Dick leading her to get ice cream in the alley behind Target. You know the one they boarded up last week. Yeah. That one. Then roots her up against the wall. He starts sniffin at her – it’s his way of smelling his prey I think.smellfear

Checking out their fear level. Jenny is doing pretty good though.  It wasn’t bad enough that he cleaned her face in the yard earlier with his nasty fingers, now, he is sticking his damned filthy feelers into her mouth. Those things were sooooo foul that I gagged – and I am not a gagger. Usually. Tobias – you done made me ’bout woof my cookies!

Whomp...there it is
Whomp…there it is

Jenny- She is a no bullshit kinda girl & the taste of those pointers did nothing to improve her attitude, neither did him grabbing her breast like it was bread that needed kneading or having her give him a grope. After making her look at him –  she reached over for a big ole candlestick and bashed him in the head.

Let’s just say Captain Creepy had one hard head that day because it barely phased him! He swung her around & threw her to the ground, figured some pottery would be a nice touch – then up by the hair. This piece of human crap waste sure likes swinging girls around by the hair. Makes my scalp hurt for Jenny! One day…one day…I want someone to grab HIM by that ponytail of his and play the longest game of Tetherball known to man. Just a wee idea!

He tosses her into the next room by the hair & then smacks her. Thinking…that ought to take care of that. Time to get down to business.

Captain Creepy removes his coat, unbuttons his flies & invites Lil Captain Phallus Jr. to the proceedings. Hi there buddy…it just doesn’t seem to be your day. No one is screaming in pain or terror…that’s what you like huh? Awwww…too bad. Is that why your hiding?  Jenny see’s this and well, you know, warbled as it was. She laughed. That can’t be good for the little guy…seems he got REALLY embarrassed, said “No way Jack…I ain’t going out there…THEY ARE LAUGHIN at me!”

bjr

You HAVE to admire Tobias Menzies for committing to this scene the way he did. I mean…he COMPLETELY committed. This was no penis stunt double.  That scene tore down BJR like NO other scene ever could.  It simply couldn’t be “shown” with him “rubbing” at his breeches. The humiliation, the mortification. Jenny’s visual standpoint wouldn’t have been effective had we not known what she had seen, what she & he had both experienced.  People have said “I could imagine it, I did HAVE to see THAT” Could you though?  Could you really?  The dynamic…the nature of that is visceral. Visceral is not always comfortable but its not because it’s genitalia. It’s because it brings you somewhere you might not want to go. Face it, a flaccid penis is not threatening, it’s a part of the human body. It really has the same visual appeal as perhaps…ummm a big toe.  Tobias’—well,  a pretty big toe but – there I go with the digression thing again.

Plus, I am all about equal opportunity nudity.  The body is the body. It’s a part of who we are. The more we hide it and make it shameful the worse society makes people feel for having one. I think that stinks. It’s the reason that using the word penis and seeing a penis becomes some sort of “thing”.  Some said, the penis wasn’t the big deal, it was the “handling” of the penis. I wonder why? I wasn’t supposed to make you comfortable. THAT was the point. A common remark was “I couldn’t do it.”  That’s ok.  It wasn’t you doing it. It was Tobias, in the “role” of BJR, for the part, in the moment.  You aren’t do it for any reason. Take the YOU out of it. Look at it in the perspective it was intended & the why. Take away the negative power the negative hold that has been put into our brains over the years, decades…and TADA. Positive Penis Praise Prevails! – ahem- and yes…I have a vagina. *gasp*

gasp

Now, back to the show. Captain Creepy knows this laughter thing is keeping Lil FlaccidNoodle Jr. from enjoying the job at hand so he figures if he shuts her up by making her turn around and smacking her around…that will cure her for sure.  Nope. Jenny has gone full on banshee by now.  She recalls to those listening, she isn’t exactly sure why…but she could tell both Captain Creepy Sr. & Captain Creepy Jr. didn’t like it when she laughed so she was going to keep that shit up.  She could take a smack but as long as Jr. was flimsy he couldn’t do the job…so LAUGH she would.

hyena-laugh-o

I heard in more than a few articles suggesting Randall wanted her to turn around because he was a homosexual & needed pretend she was a man.  They gathered this after he vied for Jamie (later in the episode).  I have talked to many people who clearly know a little something about homosexuality- seeing how they are…they tell me it’s REALLY hard to pretend a woman is anything but a woman regardless of what hole you are penetrating…let’s not insult them to that degree. SO – I disagree with that particular viewpoint…BJR…has a taste for ANYONE he can terrify. Male or female. As Tuesday, April 28, 2015

” target=”_blank”>Diana Gabaldon as perfectly stated MANY times, BJR is an equally opportunity sadist. He wanted Jenny to turn around so she couldn’t watch his humiliation. Period. He can get aroused by anyone – that he is scaring the crap out of or controlling to his will. Period.  Jenny done screwed over his method of gettin some.

oh no you didnt

Just to make sure he made more friends. He called her a scottish see you next Tuesday and bashed her head off the bedpost. Boy oh boy Captain Creepy! You sure are rackin up the “Degenerate of the Month” points. He stuffed nerveless Jr. back in his pants & they left. Humiliated.

patricks-underwear-o

People found that hard to believe.  Not me.  In my minds eye, there is no way he was going to be able to perform with the last vision of that face being mockery. Better he get the hell out of dodge, letting his men think he done tapped that.

Back to the drawing room. Jenny wanted an apology, Jamie figured he gave her one. Men, do that. Think they apologize when they don’t. Claire had Jenny’s back and corrected him. Now, some think Jenny was being rude to Claire here by saying “This is between my brother & me”  I saw it as her standing up for Jamie. Cool eh? We see things from our perspective- our filters. I have big sisters who push my buttons & stand up for me. Jamie is like “Geez Claire! There ya go again…c’mon… since I can’t spank ya, I’m going to give you a tongue lashin’ and not the kind you like.”

So off to another room they go so he can remind her. He’s the king of the castle & she’s needs to be his queen. At least in public. Remember Leticia? Colum’s wife? She always held her tongue in public, he tells her. She would throw shit at the old codger in private but in public…she supported him. So there’s a visual. Leticia whipping things across the room at a cripple. Tsk Tsk. Classy girlfriend.

Claire tells Jamie he better be careful and smarten up a bit because she can assure him, she has better aim than Leticia ever did.

amen
Claire will drink to a good throwing arm. Hitting her target. Not being meek. Hell…Claire will drink to just about anything.

HoppyGuy Ian breaks the silence, always the sweety. Asking Claire where she is from- doesn’t really matter though does it. This is home she says.

Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home

Jenny is a bit taken aback. Home is it? Been gone 4 yrs. Outlawed and PLUNK back down with a wife & taking over my house. That’s a bit intrusive. What about that thing called a price on your big thick head?  Ah, yet ANOTHER Englishman is going to pull me out of the fire. Hmrph…Jenny “take no flack from anyone especially the English” Murray doesn’t trust this much. Why should she, they tied up her brother in front of her eyes, dragged her up into her room & attempted to rape her. Pretty sure there would be no love loss there for anyone. She is the big sister…see’s yet another button un-pushed on her big brother and gives it a go. “Never thought you’d be so trustin’ of the English.”

pushbutton

Oh Jamie you have SO many buttons to push brother!

I think Claire knows where this is coming from and instead of taking it as too much of a dig, she chooses to leave the room & wash up than to start another English/Scottish war.  If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Choose-a-communication-strategy-Tina-Fey-zip-it

Mrs. Fitzgibbons sent Jamie & Claire their things. Sweet lady. Jenny, for all of those who were growling about her being bitchy- bah! She says right about here that since the Laird is staying, he should have the main bed chamber & sends the maids to take care of things.  She doesn’t seem put out, annoyed or bothered. Ian, in fact looks humoured by the whole deal.  Jamie confirms…Yep… I am Laird. Some thought that was arrogant. Perhaps stating the obvious may be a trifle redundant in the moment but sometimes saying things out loud makes it easier for us to accept…doesn’t it? Especially when we are having a hard time believing it ourselves.

So Molly Maid ripped through the Lairds quarters & got rid of Jenny & Ian’s personal belonging making room for Jamie & Claire to take over residence. Now, it’s time for some walks down memory lane.  Claire, do you see…all the blue? Your new home, room…blue. All the pottery, vases…blue. You didn’t need to buy that vase in episode one did you? You are surrounded by them now…and later…well. FLUTTER!

vases

Jamie tells Claire stories of his father. Bringing Brian Fraser to life for us. Who was played by Andy Whipp. Another fantasticalamazaball casting choice. He was on the screen for moments. He came to life in some dialogue in which Jamie talked about his books, boots n blade.

We get to “meet” Brian. In Fort William as Jamie speaks of him. We got a sneak peek at him – those of us that were hound dogs looking for him in “The Garrison” episode. This time – in this flashback. Jamie brings him to before our eyes & Andy Whipp brings him to life.  They look a like, the lilt of of their accents. Damn fine casting.

I can see it...can you?

I can see it…can you?

The way he commands the guards with compassion & dignity. Not groveling. The way he tells Jamie he will stand by him. This father in this time isn’t ashamed to love his son & kisses his cheek. “Y’er a braw lad son!” Major sigh. Reminding your boy to be strong in the face of everything. Yes. Brian Fraser made me love him in about 10 seconds flat. Frogs n arseholes he made me love him!

Then we have to face off against HIM. Again. Ugh. Captain Creep Master General. Sitting there idly writing letters. Probably to his only friends.

dear s&m

Rambling on to Jamie how his Dad couldn’t possibly get his pardon letter and be back on time, but he had a GREAT idea on how he could get out of getting flogged again.

There were two menu choices. 1. Buggery. No butter. 2. Floggery. With Extra Hate on the side.  Geez Jamie. What’s it going to be? You know…Jamie could live without butter he is thinking. CCMG said he would let him go. Suuuuuuuure, he’d let you go alright. Straight to a grave. I think he would have on’d him, then off’d him.

With the feeling of his father’s kiss still wet upon his cheek he is thinking, there is no way he could let his father down like that. Not so much the  buggery.It’s the whole-letting that man “the chair doesn’t even want sitting on it” break his will.

douchechair

Like Jamie doesn’t know how much a second flogging is going to hurt. The big meany pokes him right in the stripes. Not a here’s a wee FB poke to make your day but a remember this? This hurts dunnit?

pokeme

Then, we get to see the flogging AGAIN. GLARF! Like it wasn’t bad enough the first time. Brian has to be there. Seeing it, then dropping. The aneurysm takes him. We knew Brian for moments. Yet when he falls to the ground, he takes my heart down with him. WHY, BRIAN WHY???

cry

Jamie regrets it all. Not seeing his Dad die. Well, we saw it. It was horrible. Didn’t see him taken away, buried & hasn’t seen his grave. Putting off the tough stuff. Jamie- it seems to be your thing these last 4 yrs. Running away. Ammiright?

SUPPERS ON! Claire thinks the best way to anyone’s heart is by giving them booze. Pregnant or not, poor Jenny a glass & you are sure to get in good with sister.  Small talk turns to “You know anything about being awesome like me & running a house like this?”  “Hmmm, not yet but I learn quick, don’t you worry.”

Ian reminds everyone  Quarter Day is tomorrow. Jenny is excited cuz she gets to take everyone’s monies. Ian just wants to celebrate his buddy coming home! Jenny also thinks this is a good time to rib on lil bro again, things just aren’t tense enough and she has 4 whole years of pent up big sister pissing contests to win. She throws down the Daddy’s grave card.  Jamie is still avoiding that splinter under the nail so…

elk

Jamie takes that one because Jenny lets him suit himself. AKA Get stuffed you wee shithead.

Quarter Day brings lots of happy faces. Mine especially. Jamie in leather. MMMMMMM. Nom Nom Nom.  It’s Brians leather BTW. Looks fine on him, fitting into Daddy’s jacket verra well.  People are bringing gifts for the Laird n Lady. First one…a bottle of booze. Claire is thinking to herself SCORE! I’m going to like it here JUST fine. These are my peeps!

yes

She gets all sorts of gifts, then one…one is SUPER special. The little vase with blue deco. The one she should have bought in episode one. It’s not exactly the same vase but a vase still the same, she had never owned one. Now she did, the look she gave Jamie was “You have no idea but I’m home.”

sigh

Quarter Day is going fine however Jamie seems to be giving away more money than he is bringing in, in the spirit of generosity to his tenants during hard times. Jenny ain’t happy ’bout it.

We get introduced to Rab & Rabbie McNabb. Poor wee bugger Rabbie, just wanted a crappy bannock.  His father started smacking him around in front of everyone. Claire isn’t really one to watch boney lil kids get batted around. She got in there and tried her best to diffuse the situation.  ME?   I would have seen just how far his balls could have gone into his stomach under the power of my Reeboks but…then again, I can be a trifle on the vigilant side when it comes to weak men. There aren’t many things that get my dander up. Morons that smack around kids & women for the sake of smacking them around. Yeah.

hold me back

Hold me back bro…

 Claire brings wee Rabbie in the house to be tended, bringing him straight to Jenny. Their relationship exists. If its strained most likely because Jenny has always been the one in charge of Jamie. The only woman to care for him since their mother died. Think about having to give him up to a wife. Yeah…ouch right?  I think Claire is aware of that so she is being delicate with it.

Jamie sees them with the boy & goes over to see what’s shaking, Jenny dismisses him. She has been in run of the house for a long time but truth is. The men are the ones who discipline the children, the women who are the one who tend & love them. Not his business. Truth. This is why he isn’t concerned when Jenny flits him away & he pretty much ignores Claire when she calls after him to do something there and then.

Next thing we hear is drunk music. This was thanks to the awesome Bear McCreary. Then we see Jamie…he done went and got Claire Drunk. I know right? There’s a switch. This whole scene was just awesomely written, brilliantly acted & just funny as hell. Claire’s eye rolling, Jamie’s ass smackin’ I’m the Laird of Lallywood & beat up people, yo ho ho & a bucket o rum was just plain funny.

DogLaughing

I did like the line “the difference between abuse & discipline”- a little token there for peeps. There plainly is a line that some choose not to see – in both directions.

opinions

Drunken convo about elephants, seeing them & riding them was priceless and as annoyed as Claire was with her annoying drunk of a husband, she also thought to herself, “Oh, I guess whats good for gander…”  One good heave and he is snoring happily.

The next morning, we hear hungover music. Nicely played Bear. See a green Jamie…..another nice change. Claire has a remedy that always works for her. MORE BOOZE!

Jenny flies into the room, not caring over much that Jamie’s head is as big as the broch, giving him hell for not taking the rents & not talking to her before putting the boots to Rabbie’s father, she happened to be taking care of that lil problem.  He looked abashed at this but she kept on going and hit the big button, the one she knew would get his goat. The DAD button. As lil brother he knew he just had to puff up and yell back he was boss and didn’t have to ask ANYONE for help! NUHUH not him! I caught a whiff right there that Jenny probably still saw him as her little brother, yes, always would but it was her father that was Laird. Jamie & Jenny were like peas n carrots. The Laird card just got played not the man card.

I'm the Laird, I'm the boss I make the decisions WHINE WHINE BLAH!
I’m the Laird, I’m the boss I make the decisions WHINE WHINE BLAH!

Jamie went & bit into a chunky bannock, I take it they aren’t supposed to be chunky.He called for Mrs. Croooooook, sounded a lot like hoooooor.  She was like “Ain’t my fault I have to grind the stupid flour…YOUR mill is broke”  So, he puffs up and figures HE is going to fix it. Every book reader is thinking WHOOOHOOOO MILL POND, WATER WHEEL SCENE!

Happy Dance EveryBODY!
Happy Dance EveryBODY!

Jamie & Claire head to the water wheel, sure enough, something is stuck! DARN. Jamie has to strip off his kilt & get into that water. This show can be torture sometimes you know. Making us endure this.

If you can't sense the sarcasm...you are broken deep inside
If you can’t sense the sarcasm…you are broken deep inside

By the way, I don’t have a penis…and I had shrinkage. That effin water looked COLD…AND I’m Canadian. I know COLD! Brrrrrrrrrr. Jamie exclaims CAC!  Which I was sure meant “Holy SHIT my balls fell off!” but Àdhamh Ó Broin said it was just “shit”…

Jenny comes running up & Claire admonishes her because of her condition. Saying she didn’t have to come but she says OH YEAH…I did- showing her who ELSE is coming. Red Coats. AGAIN!  Jenny, fast on her feet tells Claire to keep silent, they flare out their skirts to cover Jamie’s clothes. So for those who think Jenny is hardened & Claire can’t stand her… Yeah. All of that- right there.

These redcoats aren’t evil meanie pants though. They want to help fix the wheel. OF COURSE they do! ERGH! Jamie has gotten REAL good at holding his breath. It’s all his practice going down n doing morning alarm clock exercises. Everything happens for a reason I tell ya!

Jamie manages to fix the wheel & throws his shirt in it to make it look like THAT was what was stuck. The redcoats leave with a passing insult but no harm, no foul. Except maybe they take Jamie’s perfectly good shirt with them. Don’t offer to give it back or anything, just lay claim to it. Weenie move guys. Weenie move.

colin no

The girls rush to make sure Jamie is alright. Jenny’s concern of course comes out in something that sounds like big sister condemnation when Jamie is standing there all, glistening, neked & really really cold. Good lawd…that water looked glacier spring cold. Poor buggers. Jamie hardly heard WHAT she was saying only realizing she was there, keeping his own Wee Jamie covered – not so difficult as he has big hands & we have comprehended that water is super duper cold.  Let’s make this VERRA clear to you

effects of cold water
By now, you should be used to seeing these lil guys, and this one has a hat on…more tolerable?

Jamie spins around. He wants to get out of the water but he also doesn’t want his big sister to see him in all together…so he yells at her to turn around so he can get out before his cock snaps off. We all yell at Jenny to go because the last thing ANY of us want is for his cock to snap off! That…would be a catastrophe.

cant happen
some cocks…just can’t snap off…and be gone from us forever. This is one.

Many of us have a “SHUT UP” Button.  Jenny found hers when Jamie turned around.  His back, the scars…in that moment…the story of Jamie being flogged at Fort William was no longer just a story. It was Jenny’s little brother, being flogged at Fort William. Her story of that day & those 4 years apart, suddenly became HIS story & then theirs. You could see it clearly on her face in the few seconds before she spun around and ran away from it. Who would want to face that any longer than they had to.  Honestly? That kind of truth is like a kick in the face if you ask me.  I know you didn’t but if you haven’t figured out…I’m going to tell you *snort*

Jamie harps to Claire after Jenny takes off, wanting to know WHY she was there. If Jamie had lapels to grab n shake, pretty sure Claire would have right now. Plus its a good thing he had a hold of his own manhood because if it was within her grasp…she might of snapped it off herself. She sharply let him know Jenny came to warn him of the Redcoats because she gives two shits about him. With a swirl of her skirts…off she goes.

Claire is upstairs in Lallybroch, looking at the paintings – beautiful- when she & Always HoppyGuy Ian have a moment.  You know, he is perpetually Jenny’s balance, the happy balance…he & Claire seem to have such a connection in the show. One that didn’t really seem to jump off the pages for me in the book. Yes, he cared for her & him her but of course, you don’t get those stolen glances do you? The “Finally I have a brother in arms” against the world to be married to a Fraser as they battle it out in front of them. To read them…and to see them are very different creatures. I suppose if Steven Cree & Caitriona Balfe didn’t artfully present them – they would be lost on us as well. They get to know one another. He shows her part of Jenny she hasn’t seen, still strong, still worthy but soft. His. Hmmm, maybe the part Claire sees in herself a bit.

damn

Claire is also having a hard time dealing with the dynamics of helping Jamie find his niche. He believes he has a roll to fill. It’s a big one & in trying to do that, he is putting on airs that really don’t suit him. This is something so many people are guilty of that the expression was created for those very people. People do this not because they always BELIEVE it themselves they are better…but they think OTHERS think they SHOULD be better.  I will go back to Quarter Day – Jamie wearing his father’s coat, Jamie calling out to his tenants that LIKE his father he would be lenient.

See...more than just a pretty face folks
See…more than just a pretty face folks

AlwaysHoppy Ian let’s Claire know, the best way to deal with a Fraser is a good swift kick in the arse. Claire asks…if that doesn’t work…Kick harder he says.  He oughta know, can’t be easy to kick w one leg. Better take his advice. Claire makes up her mind.

Jamie, sound a sleep in bed. Looks angelic. Until Claire grabs his sheets and unceremoniously dumps his ass on the floor. She lets him know – it’s the Lady of the houses turn to talk. He best be shuttin his wine gob. She tells him he’s Jamie Fraser FIRST…Laird of Lallybroch SECOND and NOT his father but his own person…in so many words.  Even though Sam Heughan is a great actor, Jamie Fraser SUCKS at it.

We have a few shots from Tourism Scotland again. Have you booked your tickets yet?

Then…we are in the grave yard.  Jenny arriving to meet with Jamie who is standing facing  his father’s gravestone…for the first time. Jenny scares the beejeezus out of him. He is surrounded by dead people after all.

Oh you guys really OTTER make up
Oh you guys really OTTER make up

You just want them to kiss n make up but you know- this is going to be more than that.

And it is.

Jamie asks to speak first.  Claire got to him.  He gives Jenny the money for the rents, tries to make amends for the Rabbie situation & Jenny agrees that their father would have agreed with Jamie that the boy would be better off at Lallybroch.  Still Jamie knows, Jenny had the running of the estate for 4 yrs., he should have spoken with her, and he says so…apologizing.

This hits her but where it hits her starts us on a path that leads to Jenny stealing this scene.

I'll just take that scene....Thank you very much Sam
Laura – I’ll just take that scene….Thank you very much Sam

Jenny, after seeing Jamie’s back, realized the fury of the flogging Jamie had taken at the hands of Randall.  All of the years, part of her blamed her brother for their father’s death. Thinking he must of shot his big mouth off to get himself in trouble. That was after all his M.O. while they were growing up.  Those scars though, those were more than that…she turned it back on her own actions. Laughing in the face of the attempted rape.

Jamie pulls her to him. “Cry not”, he says. She needs to. He needs to comfort her. This is their moment to comfort one another. To heal one another. To share a moment of blame…both of them angered Randall. Both of them blame themselves for their father’s death and both of them can pass that fury onto one man. Captain Creepy deserves their wrath. Together.

Jamie tells Jenny he would have gladly died to save her & here we see Jenny’s iron backbone solidify once again & deliver a line from the books that has always resonated.  “If your life is a suitable exchange for my honour, why is my honour not a suitable exchange for your life?”

nananana
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA

She does love him as much as he loves her. THAT’S why they can get so angry, become so offended & know EXACTLY what to say to turn the knife so deep.

“Welcome home, Laird Broch Turach” Jenny says. Then all is right in the world. They accept their new roles in their lives, they finally lay their father to rest. Jamie kisses his sister & they go home to start their new life. Side by side.

SUUUUUUURE they do!

Man I love these people like family.

It happens every time. I guess I am easy
It happens every time. I guess I am easy

Claire is sitting at the window, starting out at the broch. “What the hell is up with this north facing tower thing?” she asks…”The thing is round, thats stupid.”  “Don’t be silly Claire, the door is on the north…DERP!”  *eyeroll* She says “Fraser’s” like one would say “Dumbasses” which…I got a huge chuckle out of.

Get comfy, but only for a couple moments. Claire feels like she belongs. Jamie reminds her, his arms are her home. Telling her why he married her. That he wanted her more than anything else in his life. Talking about her round arse and rock solid head…such a charmer. Then…the love…he tells her he loved her the first time she let him comfort her at Leoch. Also how he loves her more each day than the day before…yeah…She loves him…of course she loves him. Let’s have sex.

Ummm…them…they have sex. We don’t see it this time but we all have good imaginations & have seen it plenty of times we can replay it.

Naturally, we know, this is Outlander. They are NOT going to let us end on a happy note. No. That won’t happen.

We can't be that lucky
We can’t be that lucky

Sure enough, Claire wakes up & she looks drowsily blissful. You know somethings going down, and it aint gonna be Jamie this time.  He isn’t in bed with her.  Up she gets, dressed and out of the room…first thing she hears is harsh voices & the click of a pistol.

Looking down into the sitting room…Claire sees Jamie surrounded by 3 men of the Watch, pistols pointed at his head.  Told she will have scrub floor first thing in the morning if he doesn’t behave himself…and we know how well behaved Jamie is.

Dangit. Claire…never get comfortable sister.

SL-AB-Ootiest of ABootlanders

FYI—Just a heads up folks…next wks blog burst will be late – I am going on all expenses paid vacay to Cancun w the hasbeen for our 23rd wedding anniversary…the company I am with is kind enough to run an incentive trip that happens to fall during this time…booya! So take care of you…keep OutlanderCAN warm for me. Our Twitter LiveFeed will still be a go.  My fellow admin & buddy tlmfarmgirl will be impersonating me & taking over the @ABOotlanders twitter feed for the hour

12 Days of Christmas – ABOotlander Style

It’s early ya say? Uh-huh. That’s what us Canadians do when we think we might get snowed in or some such nonsense. We take precautions and get stuff done. READ: So we can get our drink on. 

So grab yourself snowbeer outta your snowfridge (It maybe a Canadian thing…it may not) and sing along.

beer fridge

We’re no dummies!  Hold onto yer toques, cuz here we go!

Sing it with us...

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY JAMIE GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEE:

 

12 Twelve ABOot-hearts a drumming

x's 12 of these suckers...ummmm pounders...we are literal around here.

x’s 12 of these suckers…ummmm pounders…we are literal around here.

Heughliots

Shameless self promotion for our freaking fabulous group of Heughliots. Yeah that’s right. US. Well, a box of 12 assorted us’s anyway.

 

 

11Eleven Highland Pipers

 

No matter how you flip your screen over or blow their sporrans…the kilts will not move. Someone told me.

These lovely laddies are from the Seaforth Highlanders of Canada. They, are in fact based out of B.C. but they DO perform in Alberta. We are equal opportunity here with the ABOotlanders. Lots of B.C. fangirls. We are preachin it!

Honest- we were going to say something about 11 pipeliners…cuz you know. Oil n stuff…our Scottish friends – we have that in common, but politics – like unshaven legs, makes prickly bedfellows so, nope, not saying NUTHIN ’bout THAT!

eyelashes

 

british banknote 10 pounds sterling obverse

 Ten Redcoats fleeing

We know…We know…there are not 10 Red Coats in the picture. The way I see it, once the tears in your eyes blur your vision enough, it will LOOK like 10. I …can’t…stop…laughing.

 

I don’t why I found this but I did…and I almost pee’d

 


animated_9 (2)

 

Nine druids dancing

1    2     3     4    5     6    7  ummm  sure  8 & 9. Yup. Right there. Behind that stone.

 

Passed out. Bit drunk. Friends of Claire and let’s face it…any friend of Claire is a friend of ours.

Next Soberphobic meeting is at the Bothy…local pub,next month. Be there or be square!  Naturally we must mention, The Bothy was voted one of THE top Bars in CANADA .  Look ! All you have to do is google “Best Whisky Bar in Edmonton” the google machine does not lie. Right?

 

 

number-8Eight maids a waulking…wool  

(See, it isn’t just Canadians that throw random “u”‘s in words.)

Waulking wool..wet…juicy wool. You know the pissy kind. It sets the dye faster.

This is just one of the things that Diana Gabaldon teaches us. The woman is a walking encyclopedia. To learn from her just GO HERE!

woolwaulkers

 

 

#7

 Seven corns a grindin’ 

Grinding what? You might ask? Who, I might suggest.

corn grinders

We have the sweet Candy Corn.   The Canned English Corned Beef.   The 4 cobs of Corn…one looks a bit stunted in his niblets, does he not?  Oh,  we could not forget our Ole horn dog…*ahem* Corn Dog. (And that’s his stick! STICK. You dirty bunch of…)

 

 

6_3

Six; bad advice for laying

…frig knows Jamie got enough to pass on. Let’s see. Where shall we start?

6– Go as fast as ya can. Get it over with! FOREPLAY is a word…a long word for a reason. *Bad Advice Rating- 8 STARS*

5 Always do it from behind. Granted, the faces ya all make can be a bit of a turn off, we do like to kiss your faces and sometimes  you look super cute. *Bad Advice Rating -5 STARS- from behind is sometimes fun*

4– Don’t take your shirt or boots off. No one wants to see you naked. The reason our happy parts are so far down is so we can have fun taking our clothes off to get to them. SHEESH! *Bad Advice Rating- 7 STARS- Socks are a different story in Canada in the winter…effin cold out there.*

3– Don’t talk during sex. It’s distracting. Pardon? This might be the most important time to communicate. That hurts. That feels good. Stop that. Do that more. *Bad Advice Rating -7 Stars- If you are talking about whats on the TO-DO list for tomorrow…and it isn’t me, then we have a problem.*

2– Stay in one position. Don’t move. That’s a sure fire way to get a cramp. Switch it up. Get creative. Be the twister of the bed sheets. *Bad Advice Rating -8 Stars- That kinda non-action can be …yawn…pretty boring…monotony in the bedroom…no fun.

1– Spit on it. JUST NO. *Bad Advice Rating -100 Stars- JUST NO!

 

 

#5 Five goooooooolden drammmmmmmmms (of Whisky!)

Dram

 

…and yes…we KNOW shots are WAY more than drams but – this was way more fun.

We took bets would Tammy pull a “Jamie on a boat”, or would Tammy not pull a “Jamie on a boat”.  We MEAN PUKE…*sigh* … can’t say any damn thing around you people.  She didn’t.  Sweet Jezuz was the ride home interesting though!

 

 

Outlander

 

Four Calling Clansmen

– or women in a parkling lot after a party- ya know…whateves.

There were no Heughliots hurt in the making of this video. Except maybe feelings.

 

 

countdown-gif-10

 

Three French Hooooooors

We might not be french but we are a reasonable facsimile for the other thing.

 

 

#2 Two beavers ahhh..rogering

Hey we’re Canadian – Our porn is on the national geoGRAPHICside. Unshaved beavers EVERYWHERE.  If you thought…for 2 seconds, you were going to get through this CANADIAN blog…without seeing or hearing about beavers, that is your own fault.  Remember…fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on me…fool me three times… it must be CHRISTMAS.  Besides, its Toger.  THE cutest damn beaver in history. He even has a story.

anita toger

Even our mascot Toger has to look for some love outside of getting harassed by wee Angus.

 

 

 

#1

And a pearl necklace draped o’er ME

pearl necklace

The PEARL Necklace and all insinuation that goes with it.

 

Yes. Me. We understand that “ME” means you…and YOU…and YOU. WE…get it.

 

We certainly hope you enjoyed the HEUGHLIOTS take on the 12 days of Christmas. We were early for Thanksgiving. We brought #Droughtlander to you. We only thought it right the 12 days be a smidge early too.

With that…

Nollaig chridheil agus bliadhna mhath ùr!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

From the Heughliots of ALBERTA

 ALL 167 locals that is

Here, you have a small # of the Heughliots in the Wild. A rare creature…don’t turn your back on them. You may find yourself goosed or better.

 

This blog brought to you by the twisted minds of Admin Tammy & SL Heughliot @ Large and many random suggestions & ideas from the HEUGHLIOT ladies *ahem* (term used lightly / loosely) event.

Please feel free to comment. We read everything #AssumingPositiveIntent so even if  you are trying to be mean…it will only stick to you-

To Excite and Entice. No?

To Excite and Entice. No?

AB-Ootlander. This Canadian group needed a Mascot. MEET TOGER!

There is a whole lot of talent in our group of Heughliots and I don’t just mean our unending wit and the ability to put our feet behind our heads.

We have artists too. One being Nikki Galenza. Check her out. Her art…well… her too…she is pretty cute!

winkwink

Nikki does some beautiful Outlander inspired stuff. I own some myself.  Don’t attempt to jump through the stone circles on canvas…sigh…it really doesn’t work. Someone told me.

Aaaaaanyway…I thought to myself one day, wouldn’t it be fun to have a mascot for the Heughliots, especially for our AB-Ootlander page. Naturally…it should be a beaver…since we are a group of women…I mean Canadians.

-blinkSo I begged Nikki to make him. She did.  During the creation process, she told me that he looked like a “Roger”…that was cute.  Then I watched a certain episode of Outlander in which Murtagh handed Rupert a chicken leg telling him to wrap his hand around that instead of his “tadger”. Well…so “Toger” was born. (Toger rhymes with Roger…got it now?) Good stuff.

todger2

He is a cute beaver bugger…and we plan on him getting into some trouble.

His BFF’s will be Rupert n Angus for a while.

togerfun

 

If you have any ideas for adventures with Toger, throw them our way – right in our face!

throw

 

 

We also have our own Heughliots store where you can buy Toger inspired goodies. All proceeds do go to the charities Caitriona & Sam support. So shop happy and drink outta a beaver…mug.

Go ahead leave a comment for us 😀

SL

Heughliot @ Large