I am becoming a broken record this season with these ‘not a recaps’. Each episode is completely different from the last but in my view, each has a punch in the gut effect that stays with you long after. And with that, as the credits rolled on #FamousLastWords, that duet with Richard Rankin and Sophie Skelton – COME ON! I found it breathtaking. Each time I watched the episode (4 times, so far) I let it play and sat back to listen. I have never done that before this episode.
Once again, faced with so many topics to write about. All of them struck cords that I could go on about forEVA but I don’t want to do that. We seem to have nothing but time these days but I’m not going to take advantage of you. Not like that anyway. #winkawinka
There were questions of worth, grief bursts, traumatic flashbacks and worry all wrapped up in the characters we love so dearly. We were with all of our favourites, in all of the moments we needed to be with them. Whether we were hearing them or observing. The voyeurs in us were on high alert.
We saw once more, words aren’t needed to convey emotion. This time, it was Richard Rankins’s turn. Without a word or a whisper, we felt, deeply, what Roger was experiencing. His eyes, shoulders, neck muscles, brows and the set of his mouth gave us everything we needed to know about what was happening inside his head, heart and rooted within his soul. The people who love him, Brianna in particular, could see it too. She was especially in tune with what he was going through because she saw herself in him.
While trying to get through to Roger, Brianna brought up how she too, faced darkness and ugliness. I believe this moment was a catharsis for Brianna even though she was attempting to shake something loose in Roger. He still wasn’t in a place to hear her words. The wall he had built around himself was as impenetrable as his voice was stifled. Brianna though, for all of the times she sat in silence, fighting her demons, keeping them silent and masking the trauma she went through for the sake of others, she let it out. She put it in front of Roger that she is fighting. Every day. For her family and those words were what she needed to hear. Without realizing it, she was giving herself the advice she craved. The words Bree had been waiting for were within her, she only needed to say them out loud. She was directing them towards Roger however when we say things out loud, that is when we finally, truly, catch on. We, more often than not, won’t notice how we self-heal through our love of others.
There is one common thread each person on this earth shares. We all will lose someone we love. Sooner or later, it happens. In tandem, others will reach out to comfort us. When our grief is deep, there are no words, actions, cliches or casseroles that help. Making things better is contrary to reason.
Jamie asked Claire if there was a medicine in her time for grief. Time was as close as she could get, and even that isn’t a cure. We only get adept at integrating the grief into our everyday. We also must be honest, as shown in this episode. Grief is not reserved for the dead. We grieve people we lose that have not died but are no longer in our life, whether that is by our choice or theirs. We grieve parts of ourselves that we have lost, due to trauma or illness. Grief changes who we are and that is o.k.
Even though grief is something nearly everyone in this world has in common, it is as unique as each person and the relationship they have with the person/piece of them who/that has died. There may be ‘stages’ of grief but none of us walk them the same or follow the path the way it may be expected. We may think we know how someone feels but we can’t, not genuinely. We can empathize with their pain but knowing it would mean we know every corner of their heart/mind and that is impossible. Allowing someone their personal grief journey is a gift. Grief heals. Roger was grieving pieces of himself. Ian was grieving his tribe and more, Jamie grieving Murtagh. In the end, Claire was honest with Jamie. Letting him know there was nothing she could do, nothing anyone could do. Being a healer, she used the expression that brings her comfort. Time heals all wounds. To a degree of course. Scars are always left behind.
This is something we will all find ourselves doing. The words that bring us the most comfort, we share with others, hoping they have the same effect.
I want to touch on a brief and beautiful moment between Marsali and Young Ian. Marsali came to sit with Ian, speaking to him of their youth in Scotland. She reached out, reminiscing of family, siblings. It appeared that Marsali sensed Ian was moving about, untethered. Like a balloon about to fly away unless someone grabbed hold. She connected with him by chatting about her jealousy of his bustling Murray family. Mentioning how he must miss them, grasping at that string to pull him back. We saw the flicker of light appear in Ian’s eyes as he spoke of his sister Janet and when he admitted he did indeed missed his family. As Marsali’s pregnancy became more the focus in the conversation, Ian’s heaviness returned. Marsali knows family, her center is love and comfort. She did the best with what she had and I believe the seed she planted did help, a little.
That is why, no matter what we believe someone is going through. It is always good to find a step to sit on with them. We have moments we wonder “Should I bother?”, “They don’t seem receptive.” If you think a loved one might be hurting but you have a feeling you may be overstepping, say it – “I may be overstepping, and if I am, I will apologize. Today, I want you to know that I love you, that I am thinking of you and I’d like to hear how you are doing.” Is it always that easy? No, it isn’t. Many things in life aren’t but for those we love, we can take the chance. Marsassy did it.
Seeing Roger and Ian amid dual struggles was both heartbreaking and became heartwarming. Both men, in very dark places, grappling with their pain to the point of not wanting to face it another day. Neither able to grasp how to move it out of the way. Roger was at what could have been his final moment. Facing the memory of being hanged, blacking out, almost strangled to death and Brianna’s face appeared to him. It wasn’t only Brianna, being his wife, that pulled him from the edge. It was his realization that on his previous brink of death, it was her, his love for her that he was bound to. In living colour with a powerful brightness, he envisioned this woman, whose love never wavered. A familiar saying comes to mind “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”
We often learn lessons at the perfect time and it seems to me this is what happened for Roger and Ian. They were moving in parallel through much of the episode. Once it was obvious what Ian’s intentions were, collective hearts were breaking for him and then, Roger comes in for the rescue. An unlikely hero, given the circumstances. Ian angrily says so when Roger interrupts his plans to end his life.
Roger doesn’t know what Ian’s story is but he knows what matters is that Ian lives. The reason being, he sees Ian in himself and HE wants to live. When Ian is unsure that he has the strength to carry on, Roger fortifies them both. He pleads with Ian to pick up his weapon, it doesn’t mean he has to use it, just pick it up to go home with him. One day he will be strong enough to fight again and together it will happen.
This was Roger’s way of gaining strength from his own words, just as Brianna did with him. We may get turned around and twisted in agony over the things we feel we should do, or have difficulty coping with. We feel lost and wonder how in the world we’ll make it through another tragedy or manage another day. Yet, someone we care for will be in that same head-space and we will have this astonishing amount of compassion for them. We will share uplifting stories of times we have pulled ourselves from the depths of despair or regale them with tales to lighten their heart. What a beautiful thing it would be if we would take that same time and compassion for ourselves when we felt ourselves getting turned around.
It is easier to give advice than it is to take it. It is especially easier to give it when you see yourself so clearly in the person you are sharing the advice with. Ian twice had moments of “you are one to talk” in this episode, first with Jamie – when he was trying to get Ian to open up to him. Ian clapped back with a ‘Hey pal, you and Claire have secrets – back off and let me have my own.’ Point made. Then again with Roger for stopping him from doing exactly what Ian figured he was about to do himself. The reason I bring this up is I think it’s a great life lesson moment.
When we are giving those bits of advice out to those we care about, it’s often because we see ourselves in them. It’s a good idea to be sure we have followed our own advice. Being truthful to ourselves is being honest in our actions. I assure you, if we haven’t, the one we are sharing with, may call our ass out on the carpet.
We learn a lot about ourselves when we listen to the advice we share. Our actions speak loudly about our character. I think we can see that with the characters I spoke of in #FamousLastWords. You and I, we identify with these characters on this TV show owing to their stories aren’t so different from our own. Sure, their arc is more dramatic on the whole yet, at the heart of it all, the feelings at the core. We get it.
That’s why we keep coming back.
PS – I need to add a note about John Bell coming back. I squealed, jumped out of my chair and was just THRILLED to bits. I slapped my husband’s leg so many times he was forced to finally say “OK, that is starting to hurt now.” to make me stop. Where John used to bring us smiles and much-needed levity on screen – we now are seeing the true depth of this young man’s talent. I am not sure I am ready for it but I am really feckin excited.
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