FAILANDER! Resolutions gone horribly wrong in the world of Outlander.

December 30, 2014 by Sherry W.

Naturally, us Heughliots can’t let any kind of event pass without throwing in our twisted two cents. Even though we don’t use pennies in Canada anymore. We don’t, we ain’t lyin’…Google that.

Who really makes resolutions that don’t turn into disasters? Yeah…that’s exactly what we thought too. SO, why should our larger-than-life, super awesome characters in Outlander be any different right? RIGHT?

Yeah…let’s get this puck on the ice!

Type as fast as ya think!

Let’s start with everyone’s favourite villain. BJR. Big Jerk Randall.

He thought he would try to be a better person. Thought he could go that extra mile to be a kinder, gentler soul. He thought he could be more personable. My mother *Rest her Soul* used to have a saying. “You thought you farted but you shit yourself.” That is about right for BJR and his resolution. JUST you wait and dig into our next 8 episodes! You will almost wish Droughtlander lasted a little longer when you see some of this stuff!

#GoodGuyFAIL

Claire. Our sweet soberphobic, getting ClaireDrunk, always with the check liver meter…Claire.

Naturally she thought it would be a good idea to lay off the booze. Ha…ha…hahahahaha!

The liquor refill light went on after about 15 minutes. The poor lassie was sank…sunk…drunk.

#EPICOnTheWagonFAIL

You wouldn’t think a witch would want to give up anything would you? However, Geillis was finding herself a bit too dependent on the herbs. She does not get that crazy ass look in her eye for no reason people.

Legal in Canada. Shhhh

C’mon! That lasted about as long as Arthurs next bout of flatulence – she had to use something to clear the air. It was the most potent kind of smoke around.

#BuzzFAIL

Iona McTavish. No she wasn’t a major player in the Outlander world but you all know how important she is to us. This lady resolved to get a new damned dress for the next gathering. How insulting of Mrs.Fitz! Then she realized, SHE still fit into HER dress. HA! She would show them (Read, Mrs.Fitz) and STILL fit into it at the NEXT gathering as well. BEASTLY woman!

#FEKITNotaFAIL

Everyone loves them some good ole Rupert. Rupert is cuddly, soft, bearded, Angus’ best friend and Dougal’s right hand man. He wants to be more independent though. Wants to explore the world of Rupert. Find himself.

That’s Right.

Damned if he ended up under yet another juicy hen though. He doesn’t seem to mind. It is his happy place!

#GetLuckyFAIL

Our Dougal vowed to try and make his way out of Doucheville this year. Hmmmm. We admit, with all the punching out his friends and hitting on his new niece-in-law, he was getting fair comfortable there. The start of his resolution he went on a wee trip out of Doucheville. However, we are afraid he took a wrong turn and ended up in Arseton.

: Look out for holes Dougal!

#DIRECTIONFAIL

The beasts are never safe with Angus around.

They shake in his presence. He decided that enough was enough. He would be sure to stay outta the barns and leave them to their feed. Instead..he ended up too far into his cups one eve and found himself some bigger boots to hold ’em still…

Yes, it must be why zippers were invented. So the wee beasties could hear them comin’…

#OldMacDonaldFAIL EiEiOOOOOOOO

Laoghaire. We aren’t going to play the mean girl card and call her leghair or lo’whore or any of those other mean names people call her…SO rude!

She is just one failed resolution after another failed resolution. Since she was a wee hussy…I mean lassie. She has vowed to get tapped by JAMMF, why should this year be any different? She resolved to do the same. Yet, she asked for help from the wrong herbnerd didn’t she? Ended up with a handful of horseshit.

Yup. She sure has a purdy mouf.

She will keep trying though…stay tuned. Grumble Grumble.

#StinkyFAIL

We have gotten used to Mrs Fitz stealing the screen. Whether it’s greeting the boys when they return home, telling men of the cloth where to put their holy water, insulting great authors, or smacking errant visitors around (dream sequences or no – that shit freaked a lot of people out! It’s funny NOW)

We like Mrs.Fitz who keeps our blood pressure in check

She has obviously resolved to rule with an iron fist. We’d say she has done it – maybe she’ll try an iron pot next.

We do hope you realize that there are a lot of viewers with heart conditions or that are just wound extra tight (View most FB groups, it will take you seconds to spot them)…let’s not do anymore of that crazy stuff again. Stay the hero aye? I’m not sure WHO I’m talking to anymore…either way…that’s a random.

Poor, Poor Jamie. His resolution is all about self preservation. JAMMF is really tired of getting his arse whooped. I mean wouldn’t you be? Go picking hay, run back to the house, get your ass whooped. Go to hall to watch…get your ass whooped. Sit around a fire eating some dinner, get your ass whooped. Go to prison…super get get your ass wholloped.

Don’t you wanna just take him home and make it aaaaall better?

He just wants to stop getting his ass handed to him whenever he turns around. BUT BUT BUTT.…He doesn’t get very far does he, the wee bugger?

Everyone has to wait for Wentworth to see….that’s a

#SuperDooperPooperEpicFAIL

There is the man that it all started with Frank Randall, he is the resolution king! He is firm in his belief he WILL find his wife. She is out there somewhere. He has beat himself up so much this year over her loss. Should he have paid more attention to her? She did, after all, disappear from right under his nose…he sure liked having her under his nose. He looked downtown and he looked uptown…He would not stop looking!

Oh Frank. This is NOT your year buddy. Just saying, and I don’t think things are gonna get much better. For a while. SPOILER. We are supposed to say that first aren’t we? Nuts.

#SEARCHFAIL

Just so you are aware. There is no way I am making any resolutions. I am far too smart for that. I don’t set myself up for failure.

What us Heughliots do…we try our very best to be better people than we were yesterday…and we do that, everyday.

Being Kind is SEXY. Maybe creepy sexy but we don’t mind. RAWR

We think that is the answer to having a better year. See? We aren’t just pretty faces. We are pretty friggen smart too!

What do you all think? Yes…of us being smart. No, ya wankers. Of resolutions or not…

This has been brought to you by us!

SL, Heughliot @Large

and the Grand Poobah tlmfarmgirl with lots of support and a dram from @janzen77– she’s the pretty one.

Singing the Droughtlander Blues. Christmas Carol style.

December 24, 2014 by Sherry W.

BAHAHA…drowning sorrows. NOT really. We are having a blast with our Droughtlander. I mean how cool is it that everyone is using the term that made its debut here? Not surprising really. Bloody witty bunch are we.

I was wrapping presents when I thought about this #HeughliFUN pic I did of Angus. I love this guy, no teeth and everything. Except when he gets road rage. That’s not attractive…I digress.

and thought to myself…”Self…(yes…what else would I call myself? Yes, crazy bitch, but at that moment I wasn’t feeling as rude as you are right now…so back off eh?) Self…what other Outlander characters could you make #HeughliFUN pics in relation to Christmas.” Well, let’s just say…the ideas started flying out of my head. So wrapping stopped. SEE how it stopped!

Since I have AOD= Attention Outlander Disorder. It’s an effin thing o.k.??? Just like we made Droughtlander a thing…we are making AOD a thing. Deal with it. I jumped from the wrapping…and not like rapping…I’m a very white Canadian girl, I really should never do that. Like ever.

nerdy Canadian rapping…shhhh yer lips

Thinking of some of my favourite Christmas carols & it is so easy to picture my favourite Outlander characters with them.

My late mother loved the song “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” Ironic huh? Well of course now…I’m thinking this year anyway…Claire! She sure isn’t going to be but…I suppose it’s because I go to the place in my head with this song, huh?

Yep Claire…right there. Home.

Who else for Deck The Halls but Rupert…who literally decks people in halls? It was redumbdiculously obvious wasn’t it? I liked it fine.

He has the cutest “Imma punch you in the mouth” face.

Singing can sometimes be bloody uncomfortable. Especially when we are deep into our cups. WE think we sound freaking fabulous…when in reality we sound much like ass. The song sounds a little like “What Child is THIS?” eh Hamish? See foot…insert mouth. DERP!

We have Away in A Manger. Jamie sleeps in one right? Claire goes and trips over his sorry hide in Episode 4. Comparing Jamie to Jesus…its a bit much but if you spend ANY time on social media at all…you’ve seen it. Don’t even pretend.

Now don’t any prudes get their panties in a game of twister. This shit is funny right here. O Come O Come Emmanuel. You all better know where I am going with this one right here. It made me snort. Like snort, snort. Jamie had one helluva night on the Wedding episode. Yes, so did Claire but you know when you are the student – the MIND BLOWN moments were kinda awesome!

You know who is having a Blue Christmas? This GUY! Poor ole Frankmeister. Left alone to drown in his own sorrows.

He does have his own tribe of admirers though. Tobias’s Tribe. Lover’s of Frank. We have a few in our Heughliots group. Karen. She’s got it bad. Tobias fever. We thought about getting her fixed but we like her fine.

I know Christmas Carols have some lovely meaning to them, religious and deep. I want you all to remember, this blog. Isn’t. Its fun and shallow. Like a kiddie pool, without the pee. Please, don’t pee on the blog.

One of my FAVE parts of the show is when those boys, and yes, I call them boys are being boys. Rupert & Angus, the shinty game & of course when Dougal of all people is acting like a 12 yr old boy to get a laugh. This brings me to my next carol. Go Tell it on the Mountain!

Really this is the concept of non-evolution at its best. Men. They still do this. Hell…so do women. It’s called ENJOYING LIFE. Bewbies. They can be funny. Deal with it.

I refuse to end this fun without my favourite “I hate this guy” Mr.Creepy McCreeperson Nasty General Dual Face UGH! Randall. Of course his carol is simple. Mr.GRINCH!

Oh this carol suits you BJR…Big Jerk Randall.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel,
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch,
Your heart’s an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch,
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch,
Given a choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch,
You’re the king of sinful sots,
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch,
With a nauseous super “naus”!,
You’re a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch,
You’re a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk”!

Yes, I know Diana has said she is BJR. I like to think she isn’t the part that puts a knife to the nipple of helpless women and goes flaccid when they stand up to her. Well..wait a second. I don’t think she CAN be that part *wink*

That wraps up our Christmas Carols meet Outlander. Oh CRAP…WRAP…OMG…I have so much wrapping left to do. Why the hell do you people let me get so distracted? Yes. Your fault!

You all are not good for me. Just saying.

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Celebrate your Holiday with as much love and joy as humanly possible. If you are another species…then, have at ‘er!

With LOVE and AWESOMEBALLS,

SherryLynn & all of the other Heughliots

Cheers!

12 Days of Christmas – ABOotlander Style

December 9, 2014 by Sherry W.

It’s early ya say? Uh-huh. That’s what us Canadians do when we think we might get snowed in or some such nonsense. We take precautions and get stuff done. READ: So we can get our drink on.

So grab yourself snowbeer outta your snowfridge (It maybe a Canadian thing…it may not) and sing along.

We’re no dummies! Hold onto yer toques, cuz here we go!

Sing it with us...

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY JAMIE GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEE:

Twelve ABOot-hearts a drumming

x’s 12 of these suckers…ummmm pounders…we are literal around here.

Shameless self promotion for our freaking fabulous group of Heughliots. Yeah that’s right. US. Well, a box of 12 assorted us’s anyway.

Eleven Highland Pipers

No matter how you flip your screen over or blow their sporrans…the kilts will not move. Someone told me.

These lovely laddies are from the Seaforth Highlanders of Canada. They, are in fact based out of B.C. but they DO perform in Alberta. We are equal opportunity here with the ABOotlanders. Lots of B.C. fangirls. We are preachin it!

Honest- we were going to say something about 11 pipeliners…cuz you know. Oil n stuff…our Scottish friends – we have that in common, but politics – like unshaven legs, makes prickly bedfellows so, nope, not saying NUTHIN ’bout THAT!

Ten Redcoats fleeing

We know…We know…there are not 10 Red Coats in the picture. The way I see it, once the tears in your eyes blur your vision enough, it will LOOK like 10. I …can’t…stop…laughing.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_SeB9neyRYIc/S_hZrr2p9cI/AAAAAAAAAgg/Blc9jMZQIIY/s1600/Breakers+Red+Coats.jpg

I don’t why I found this but I did…and I almost pee’d

Nine druids dancing

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ummm sure 8 & 9. Yup. Right there. Behind that stone.

Passed out. Bit drunk. Friends of Claire and let’s face it…any friend of Claire is a friend of ours.

Next Soberphobic meeting is at the Bothy…local pub,next month. Be there or be square! Naturally we must mention, The Bothy was voted one of THE top Bars in CANADA . Look ! All you have to do is google “Best Whisky Bar in Edmonton” the google machine does not lie. Right?

Eight maids a waulking…wool

(See, it isn’t just Canadians that throw random “u”‘s in words.)

Waulking wool..wet…juicy wool. You know the pissy kind. It sets the dye faster.

This is just one of the things that Diana Gabaldon teaches us. The woman is a walking encyclopedia. To learn from her just GO HERE!

Seven corns a grindin’

Grinding what? You might ask? Who, I might suggest.

We have the sweet Candy Corn. The Canned English Corned Beef. The 4 cobs of Corn…one looks a bit stunted in his niblets, does he not? Oh, we could not forget our Ole horn dog…*ahem* Corn Dog. (And that’s his stick! STICK. You dirty bunch of…)

Six; bad advice for laying

…frig knows Jamie got enough to pass on. Let’s see. Where shall we start?

6– Go as fast as ya can. Get it over with! FOREPLAY is a word…a long word for a reason. *Bad Advice Rating- 8 STARS*

5– Always do it from behind. Granted, the faces ya all make can be a bit of a turn off, we do like to kiss your faces and sometimes you look super cute. *Bad Advice Rating -5 STARS- from behind is sometimes fun*

4– Don’t take your shirt or boots off. No one wants to see you naked. The reason our happy parts are so far down is so we can have fun taking our clothes off to get to them. SHEESH! *Bad Advice Rating- 7 STARS- Socks are a different story in Canada in the winter…effin cold out there.*

3– Don’t talk during sex. It’s distracting. Pardon? This might be the most important time to communicate. That hurts. That feels good. Stop that. Do that more. *Bad Advice Rating -7 Stars- If you are talking about whats on the TO-DO list for tomorrow…and it isn’t me, then we have a problem.*

2– Stay in one position. Don’t move. That’s a sure fire way to get a cramp. Switch it up. Get creative. Be the twister of the bed sheets. *Bad Advice Rating -8 Stars- That kinda non-action can be …yawn…pretty boring…monotony in the bedroom…no fun.

1– Spit on it. JUST NO. *Bad Advice Rating -100 Stars- JUST NO!

Five goooooooolden drammmmmmmmms (of Whisky!)

…and yes…we KNOW shots are WAY more than drams but – this was way more fun.

We took bets would Tammy pull a “Jamie on a boat”, or would Tammy not pull a “Jamie on a boat”. We MEAN PUKE…*sigh* … can’t say any damn thing around you people. She didn’t. Sweet Jezuz was the ride home interesting though!

Four Calling Clansmen

– or women in a parkling lot after a party- ya know…whateves.

There were no Heughliots hurt in the making of this video. Except maybe feelings.

Three French Hooooooors

We might not be french but we are a reasonable facsimile for the other thing.

Two beavers ahhh..rogering

Hey we’re Canadian – Our porn is on the national geoGRAPHICside. Unshaved beavers EVERYWHERE. If you thought…for 2 seconds, you were going to get through this CANADIAN blog…without seeing or hearing about beavers, that is your own fault. Remember…fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on me…fool me three times… it must be CHRISTMAS. Besides, its Toger. THE cutest damn beaver in history. He even has a story.

Even our mascot Toger has to look for some love outside of getting harassed by wee Angus.

And a pearl necklace draped o’er ME

The PEARL Necklace and all insinuation that goes with it.

Yes. Me. We understand that “ME” means you…and YOU…and YOU. WE…get it.

We certainly hope you enjoyed the HEUGHLIOTS take on the 12 days of Christmas. We were early for Thanksgiving. We brought #Droughtlander to you. We only thought it right the 12 days be a smidge early too.

With that…

Nollaig chridheil agus bliadhna mhath ùr!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

From the Heughliots of ALBERTA

ALL 167 locals that is

Here, you have a small # of the Heughliots in the Wild. A rare creature…don’t turn your back on them. You may find yourself goosed or better.

This blog brought to you by the twisted minds of Admin Tammy & SL Heughliot @ Large and many random suggestions & ideas from the HEUGHLIOT ladies *ahem* (term used lightly / loosely) event.

Please feel free to comment. We read everything #AssumingPositiveIntent so even if you are trying to be mean…it will only stick to you-

To Excite and Entice. No?

Fangirling Vs. Jealous Stalking

December 1, 2014 by Sherry W.

The Heughliots are all about LOVE, LAUGHTER, LIGHT!
The heart of supporting a fandom should be just that. What you focus on expands. We all deserve to have our professional & private lives to be just that. Separate. #BeKind

SL Heughliot @Large

Outlander Musings

I came across a tweet today that finally made me want to strangle someone concerning Outlander and Sam himself.

I’ve let a lot of the pet peeves I have with the Outlandish Community slide because many of our newbies are young or just trying to have fun in the Outlander Universe, but this is something I cannot ignore.

In the tweet, one of Sam’s followers asked Sam to watch out because some were harassing a lady he had been seen with, then proceeding to harass those in the fandom who would defend the lady…

Fan girl: a girl or female who is a fan of someone or something and expresses love for said person or thing in silly, innocent and often amusing ways….showing benign love.

Stalker: someone who doesn’t see reality, but are obsessed with someone, and seeks to cause rifts and harm and harassment to those around their obsession…

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ABOotlanders w/Sherry

Proudly Canadian Outlander FanGroup based in Alberta

Monthly Archives: December 2014