Ten Outlandish Things Canadians are Thankful for this Thanksgiving

AB-Ootlanders

Let’s REBLOG for our American Friends  who are Celebrating THEIR Thanksgiving…you know late.  At least us Canadians will be ready for the next Turkey coma that is up in just a few more wks for Christmas. We don’t know how you people do it. You are true turkey troopers!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING OUTLANDER FRIENDS!

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

As you may or may not know, this weekend is the second one in October.  To Canadians this is Thanksgiving weekend, when we stuff a dead bird (preferably Turkey- magpies are harder to catch), stuff our face with pie, and yes, boil up that corn, and stuff.

We also talk about what we’re thankful for. There’s no Black-Jack Friday, but there might be football, yes CANADIAN football (and we have bigger…. err fields, ya ken? And we go down one less, because we get it done sooner…) And WOOHOO!!! Finally us Canadians get to do something before the…

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Idle minds start an Outlander Styled Commune on Deserted Scottish Isle. Way To Go Starz.

Now you’ve done it!  165 women…and counting- because wait until the other Outlander ladies in Alberta here about THIS plan. They are gonna be ALL up in our grill.  It is going to be like an episode of the Littlest Hobo being followed down that secluded highway in the middle of Ontario- only they will be on the shoulder of the QE 2 in Alberta…so much more dangerous. We are badasses like that, doncha know.

hobostreet

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down…in Scotland…LET’S GO MY BITCHES!

It has come to our attention there is an Island for sale in the extreme north of Scotland. We have mentioned we are Canadian right. Extreme north is like saying our BACKYARD. No biggy eh? They also said it was a LONELY island. All that envokes from these Canadian lasses is a in unison “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww – it’s loooooonely.  It needs a big ole Canadian bear hug. Poor little scottish isle!”

kirkpoutSo…what do the Heughliots decide? We are a smarticle bunch I tell you. It’s like we can solve all the worlds problem from a FB group.

So. It’s 250,000 pounds stirling you say eh buddy? Ok…so we do the conversion. Well, google does the conversion. Let’s not be silly. That makes it $444,896.03 Canadian dollars. (That does change by the hour so don’t send me an email telling me I’m wrong) There are 165 Heughliots, this means MATH.  I am not good at it but there is this real cool thing called a CAL-CU-LATOR that does the math for me. $2696.34 a piece.  We are not dumb girls (well except the Math thing – and that’s just me). We figure if we throw in $4000 a piece, we get the isle, lawyer fees & our airfare. Sorry- not sorry- family – I AM disappearing.  Our exotic Consuelo, thinks if you jack your investment to $6000 you also get to be one of the big guns that get first stake on the land holdings. It’s a good thing Raylean knows her math, she will be the isles accountant and sheriff, that way we can push her in a cell pretty easy if we have to.

The isle doesn’t seem too mountainous, so we need to build a munro. We figure we will build it of live lassies. And invite Sam Heughan and his friends to come bagg us. I think it would make for a fun interactive afternoon and could be quite challenging for all of us!

heughliot baggin

BEST MUNRO EVER!

So yeah…we are getting shit figured out here right good. Kathy P. She is a mental health teacher and obviously girlfriend has her work cut out for her with this lot. She might just have the hardest job on the island so she is very important to us. Not to mention she will be channeling her inner Ian because she is a wicked hand with a bow and can fish like Rollo. Really, this girl will be guarded. Tammy & Christine will be her Angus and Rupert. They may be drunk on the whisky cache half the time but that’s ok. Girls gotta do what girls gotta do. Plus think, if Cait gets a day off from filming. She has some like minded women to escape to. Eat, drink & drink. Drink some more. I am pretty sure Karen will learn how to make the stuff…

whisky

I am pretty sure our whisky cache will last 3 hours, 22 minutes and 33 seconds.

We are pretty modern folk, and this island, even though, we wouldn’t be going “back” in time, doesn’t have running water and power would need to be wind generated. Obviously, we have PLENTY of hot air.  It will be a bit of life lesson for most of us.  I am thinking many of our members will be bar wenches and on our board of directors.  It has been spoken by Raylean & Lee that body searches and auditions from the mainland WILL be needed. In fact, they are demanding them. Naturally- some of these Moms will want to bring their children. I demand we put the wee buggers into servitude.

What the Hell dude!?

UGH! Children

But for the jobs those little weak people can’t do and the houses they can’t build, we need to hire some hot men in kilts. JOB FAIR TIME! We expect a HUGE influx of hot men in kilts in canoes (they have canoes in Scotland don’t they?) Anyway, they will paddle their way into our hearts. Across the loch to Linga they will come. Applying for all the jobs we don’t want to do, but want to WATCH them do. Imagine them walking up the sandy shores into the cells we have built for them. Oh …um…wait. Delete that last statement from your frontal lobe.

Heeeeeere’s HOWIE! This man and his 21 St Century Kilts! Yeah…I have a business boner for this guy! He makes kilts…hot kilts!Wait, that’s redundant!

That sounded a bit crazy. We wont lock them up all the time, we do expect them to earn their keep.

K4

Yup, that’ll do it

The more we discuss this. The more it seems to be a reality in our fantasies.

My friends. The Canadian government got rid of the penny last year. This means the Heughliots have a lot of damn pennies laying around. They are in our junk drawers in the kitchen. They are rolled in our basement laundry room. They are in our spare room closets. They are also in our kids underwear drawers and on top of our fridges in a bowl or old coffee mug. We have them in our offices, in our pen holders…in short, no wait, that was long – we have damn pennies EVERYWHERE!  So we can afford the adorable lil island that is hugged by the Shetland Islands…like EASY!

SCOTTISH ISLE LINGA

Scottich Isle of Linga…FOR REALS!

As you might have noticed, are an eclectic group.  We can make this a functional, effective & productive place.  We have lots of talent too. Cathy, has the nursing covered. So she is our Claire…she can take care of anyone that needs it. Vitalia is our herbalist. She makes all sort of neat stuff, medicines & organic off the land foods, shampoos, candles, this neat stuff called Poo-be-Gone that makes your shit not stink (not that mine does anyway but these other folks…-our privies are going to smell like roses).She’s like a witch! If she goes of the rails…we will have our first trial and burn her or something fun like that.15 burn witch not ok

Sharon, she knits all sorts of Mrs. Fitz type stuff. So she will keep super busy keeping us all warm! Girlfriend has mad skills! Sandra can bake bread so she and Consuelo will cook up a storm. Us bitches need food. They’s cray cray but we will put up with them if they feed us. It’s simple.  There are plenty of Mom’s on our group – so they can chip in there. Kerri is our animal whisperer. There is lots of wildlife on that island…some we will eat. Some we will train – rephrase- some Kerri will train.

Personally,  I love to tell people what to do & how to do it so I will keep these people from killing each other.

Plus, I can shoot a gun.  I won’t clean what I shoot…there is bound to be someone there that will. We brought the men in for more than one reason…speaking of which-

Red will run our Bawdy house…you know, some of those boys will probably just be pretty. Everyone will have a place.

sit kilt

We have someone that will be keeping chronicle of our time there. Nikki…she is a great artist so she will be painting as we go. Like Brianna would have if she had come along with us…and if she gets crabbit and bitchy…we will take turns calling her Jocasta. Hmmmm, wait, never mind, I don’t want me to go down in history looking like this.

Study-Girl-Mr-Bean-dailyfunnyphotos.com_

Kim keeps us all in check and will be our pseudo lawyer- Nedesque. Wendy & Wendy are jacks of all trades plus Cheryl & her mom Lesley babysit us all. Everyone needs the Bugs – well, without the psycho part. This is the commune that has it all. You know you wanna hang with us. We will have a Bed & Breakfast on the Isle and will start taking reservations in 2016.

May I mention, the last known inhabitant of this island…1931 was CAPTAIN JAMES FRASER!!!

WHAT THE WHA?!?!

holy

That is some crazy jacked up shit! I really wonder if the seller threw that in there to get some crazy Outlander fan to buy the island. Cuz…ummm…if they did. IT WORKED. 165 of us are throwing our pennies in the pot!  We might want to bring some of that with us. You know…to keep things interesting!

Go ahead, leave a comment, tell us how crazy we are- not that we aren’t aware.

SL Heughliot @ Large-

Here is a wee PostScript – there is an island for sale. No…the heughliots are not buying it. Satire my friends. Like 99.99% of all of our blog spurts. We aren’t very good at serious.

 

Tappin’ the vein. Cracklander meeting commences

That’s right. The #Droughtlander continues. THAT wasn’t a giddy moment in the lives of these lil Canadian Heughliots when Outlander Starz used our cray cray tags from our Canada Dry blog spurt. Super exciting. We were high fiving all over the interwebs.  Yeah, sorry if we got carried away and smacked ya in the face…you might have been too close & got in our bubble.

highfivecanuckleEither way, my name is Sher…it’s been 2 hours since my last viewing of an episode of Outlander- it was The Wedding.  It has been 15 minutes since my last Google search of Sam or Cait or Graham or Grant or Stephen or Ron or Terry or Diana (who by the way is in DisneyLand, my favourite place on earth!)

Diana enjoying some time in DisneyLand with Pluto AKA Rollo. This is not stalking. This is enjoying the tweets of someone I love…I mean…admire.

At present I have 5  6 tabs open on my laptop that involve Outlander in someway. They are 1) Facebook 2) Twitter 3) Reddit, 4) an online photoeditor  5) an online gif creator oh…6) YouTube… I am wearing my Heughligans shirt today. I have both MOBY on a second re-read and Outlander on my KOBO for my gazillionth (it’s a friggen number – clapper your gob) read. This is because my Jamie has me reading it to him as he falls asleep each night now.

This is the story of a Cracklander and what a meeting of Outlander Unanimous (yes, there aren’t many of us who are anonymous – really?!) might sound like. However. I don’t want your help. I don’t want a cure. Frankly I don’t think a cure is necessary. I am not hurting anyone.

SEE?! See how innocent I am? *pout*

I want to roll around in the joy that is SCOTLAND and Jamie n Claire…they are one being but we shall never trivialize them by giving them a stupid connected name like Clamie cuz…well CLAMIE! Go ahead – say it…STUPID! or Jaire. See…don’t anyone ever do it. If you do I will come to your house with maple syrup and a hockey stick.  Use your imagination. It ain’t pretty. It just ain’t.

Either way honey you are ending up with missing teeth. Just sayin

That picture ends up with someone missing teeth. It aint me, just sayin

Us Cracklanders, must search for veins to tap into.

It used to be harder, 5, 10 even 20 years ago. Searching through used books stores, scraping the internet & peeking in on Diana through compuserve & always checking her website for any update…but NOW we find them.

They are everywhere now!  In the form of memes. Blogs. Podcasts. Pins on Pinterest.  Endless gifs & Video clips on Tumblr accounts. You tube videos. OMG its like FREE METH for a JUNKIE! These people are our suppliers and our flop houses. You do an incredible service to us.  I want to pay tribute to you. Here and Now!

were not worthy

We bow to you.

Lets remember many of the fans in this particular fandom…are new. New to fandoms. New to the world of…this.  New to memes.Blogs. Podcasts. Gifs. Video clips. Tumblr…especially tumblr (infact, some still think you are spelling it wrong) and YouTube.  With this being said – I don’t really expect too much slack to be cut but maybe a little pat on the head understanding “They know not what they speak.”  “They know not what they do.” is called for.

pat head

I appreciate every bit of the goods that are delivered. It takes all of these people time, dedication and PASSION. No matter if it’s my drug of choice. It is someones, it is made for them & that is what matters. Each fan has their own vein, something that will fill that need & in the fandom there is a supplier giving it to them. We all don’t have to love what is being put out there but we all don’t have to take it. Skip to the next one, they might have something you want. This is what is going to get us through to April my people. You are my people. Cracklanders deal with the droughtlander together. We water each others petals.  Heehee … that sounded dirty. I liked it.

wet-beaver

I know lots of folks think its bad taste I talk about Outlander like its a drug…BUT…know something? Here is a secret. Its not a drug…it’s a TV show and I am using the fact that I’m obsessed to joke around. I’m really NOT addicted physically, but it’s a play on words and if you happen to have a sense of humour then this is where shit tends to get funny. Oh right, then there is the swearing that some don’t like. I can’t do anything about that. Canadians have this built in genetic code…it makes us swear.

Heughliotslanguage_warning If you are reading this, are Canadian and you don’t swear. You’re defective! Get that shit checked out. Our healthcare is free – won’t cost a thing for that bloodtest. If you are from someplace else and you are sensitive to these things…ummmm…here’s a hug

hug sent

We swear but we aren’t heartless…sheesh

You know, you don’t have to hit flop house status every day but binging…it ain’t bad. You have company.

Enjoy your #Cracklander friends. We are here for you, with you and by you! It’s time to pour yourself a big ass glass of your favourite tipple, put on your favourite episode or re-read the next book on your list. It’s the way you do it.

claire booze heughlifun

My favourite new game! I SEE YOU!

Please feel free to leave your comments, you know, if they are nice…I have this lil expression “Taste your words before you type them and if you wouldn’t say them out loud to someone you truly love…don’t type them to a stranger.”

jamie winkme

*WINK*

SL  Heughliot @ Large