La- La- Lallybroch all the way home!

A dozen. Can you believe we have made it to a dozen episodes already? What started out as a glisten in our eyes.  Damn, time flies when you are a manic obsessive eh?

The Lallybroch episode opens focusing in on puppies. FOOLED YA! Not the puppies you are used to focusing on at the beginning of the show. Not this time. Still they are adorable! There was that Showcase Nudity Expectation…they call it a warning, I call it a shout out of show benefitsadultcontentThere goes that digression again.

If anyone doesn’t have an insatiable urge to travel to Scotland simply by watching the aerial shots the show features…I think you are dead inside. DEAD. Tourism Scotland should pay Diana Gabaldon & all of the Outlander Starz a royalty. I mean…REALLY.

kimberleeonlinetakemymoney

We are travelling to Lallybroch at mach speeds, that is what we are doing. Jamie is taking NO chances that Claire is going to change her mind. Those friggen airplane flying things she is talking about sound so chill- she probably told him about running water & not having to bury your own poop too. He’s getting her the hell outta stonehedge as fast as Donas can take them.

I know, I know…looks like a slow freaking trot but honestly. It didn’t take that long to get there did it? Work with me people.

Marriage, facetime & all sorts of personal goodtimes later Jamie finds out Claire is robbing the cradle. A good ole SILF. She’s no one’s mother…just a regular ole Sassenach. It’s all good, it’s only a few years, plus girlfriend is VERRA well put together for someone 200 and some yrs older than he is. He could do laoghaire much worse. She has all her own teeth & hardly a pock mark to speak off- except that freaky deaky devilly one on her arm…shhhhh.

shhhh
Shhhhh. Between you n me.

They get to the arriving stages and when Jamie is supposed to be getting happy. The demons of memory start seeping in. He tells Claire he was told rumours about Jenny…uh-huh. Rumours. I think ANY of us could help Jamie our with the rumour department. If you didn’t see it with your own damn eyes or hear it with your own damn ears shut your own big mouth. Or something to that effect eh?

*Rumours - we can tell they travel faster because he heard Jenny was pregnant cuz of Randall but he heard nothing about her marrying Ian. Which wasn't a rumour...it was TRUE. Stupid rumoUrs. PFT!

*Rumours – we can tell they travel faster because he heard Jenny was pregnant cuz of Randall but he heard nothing about her marrying Ian. Which wasn’t a rumour…it was TRUE. Stupid rumoUrs. PFT!

Jamie, as manly as he looks in or out of a kilt or in or out of trews…he still has a lot to learn about being a man…this is where the lessons will start.

I loved the arrival shot…even though I wanted to tell Donas to go home…he looked drunk…boppin into Jamie, then I thought “Hey, if he was walking me like that, I’d bop into him too. You go Donas!”

bigbutts

Just a lil earworm to start your day

“Jamie” A very pregnant Jenny says. A wee lil mite looks up and a big ole red heided man looks over.

She drops, what I hope is dirty laundry…cuz if that was clean…BUGGER…doing laundry back then took too much work to just drop it in the door yard!

god-damnit-o
You are going to have to do all that laundry again. That…man…that’s rough.

 She holds in her baby belly to run into her brothers arms to give him a big hug. Then as quick as the happy homecoming lasts. It’s pretty much over. She chastises him for not texting, sending an email or snap chatting. Rude man. Would have taken just a minute…okay probably would have taken a couple weeks/months to send a messenger. Still RUDE. You deserved that.

little-boy-and-little-girl-o

Then she happily introduces that cute little wee man Jamie to his Uncle. Now because Big Jamie was stupid enough to listen to rumours (remember what happens when you do that people) he jumps on the conclusion bridge and falls through the slats. He makes an ass of himself asking why she would name Randalls bastard after him. DOH!  Jenny doesn’t mince many words…insinuating she is a hoooor? Bad moove dude. GAD…I love it when they bandy about the word hooooor.

Claire tries to get Jamie to see some reason but that’s not gonna go over because a) he’s a stubborn pig headed FRASER b) Jenny called her a trollop.  No worries. I am pretty sure Claire knows a pissy Fraser when she sees one. She takes a step back and lets the rams battle it out a bit.  sibling

Jenny threatens to grab Jamie by the ballocks to make him listen, just like she did when they were younger. So- for all those that said Jenny seemed harsher in the show than the books. You might remember – this passage is FROM the books. Only in the show, Jamie isn’t actually wearing his kilt, he is wearing his trews so they didn’t have her go as fast as a snake and grab his balls…like she did in the book.

Go back in time and tell me THE Jenny that ACTUALLY grabbed his balls & squeezed “wasn’t as harsh” *giggle*.  Truth is, when you are faced with a woman of strength, power & un-shakability. It is stark. Real.  That’s what Laura Donnolly did. 3 cheers girlfriend, you grabbed Jenny “takes no shit from nobody” Fraser Murray by the balls and ran with her. Well done.

Jamie is scandalized she should say such a thing in front of his wife. PSHAW Jamie…she knows all about your balls by now Jenny says. Don’t be such a ninny. Point taken. Claire does…really really does.

Jenny tries to remind him the last time she saw him he wasn’t exactly in the best of condition so how about he change his attitude. Then Ian rounds the corner & sets him straight. Those babies are mine – yep- your Brother in Law & btw…we thought you were dead. Maybe if you only wrote once in a while this whole big mess might have been taken care of.

I get it, the price on your head. Shame how things like that get in the way. It’s all comes down to effective communication folks!

Ya think?
Ya think?

A wee side note…those who have a difficulty warming up to Jenny…thinking she is like sharp glass. Those who see certain women in their lives like this. Are looking at Jenny with their personal experience filter. They may very well be intimidated by those women or dislike them & are attaching those feelings to Jenny. They might not see that but it’s one of those things many of us do without ever realizing it. Sometimes, it is even the traits in ourselves we don’t like…and we see them reflected in those characters. Well, we can outwardly hate them way easier than we can hate ourselves…huh?

right
That’s right…I said it.

Always a Hoppy Guy Ian welcomes Jamie with open arms – Claire too.  Jamie is about to say I am—sorry—but Jenny decides it madlibs time and she finishes his sentence with “a damn fool” and some other unflattering stuff.

pl1m8K2

Back into the house for the understatement of the 18th century.  HoppyGuyIan asks Claire “Do y’drink whisky?” She replies “I’ve been known to have a glass or two.” Let’s finish your sentence for you Claire…since you clearly didn’t. “before breakfast.” or “with another 5 glasses of whisky.” or “added to pocket flask to get through every conversation I have ever had.” HoppyGuyIan gives her his seal of approval & lets her know to prep her liver. It’s going to be a meter checking kinda night.

liver

Jamie glutton for punishment that he is, has this NEED…even though he has been experiencing flash backs.  You see he seems prone to PTSD.  Jamie just has to hear what Captain Creep Master General Randall did to his sister while he was passed out hanging in the yard .  She is only gonna tell you once buddy so you best clean the shit outta your ears and listen good!

This is not just a story, it’s a pop up book…well…not quite. We will get to that.

Captain Creep turns up his level of creep factor to oh…about 942 in this scene. Takes her hand like he is Creepy Uncle Dick leading her to get ice cream in the alley behind Target. You know the one they boarded up last week. Yeah. That one. Then roots her up against the wall. He starts sniffin at her – it’s his way of smelling his prey I think.smellfear

Checking out their fear level. Jenny is doing pretty good though.  It wasn’t bad enough that he cleaned her face in the yard earlier with his nasty fingers, now, he is sticking his damned filthy feelers into her mouth. Those things were sooooo foul that I gagged – and I am not a gagger. Usually. Tobias – you done made me ’bout woof my cookies!

Whomp...there it is
Whomp…there it is

Jenny- She is a no bullshit kinda girl & the taste of those pointers did nothing to improve her attitude, neither did him grabbing her breast like it was bread that needed kneading or having her give him a grope. After making her look at him –  she reached over for a big ole candlestick and bashed him in the head.

Let’s just say Captain Creepy had one hard head that day because it barely phased him! He swung her around & threw her to the ground, figured some pottery would be a nice touch – then up by the hair. This piece of human crap waste sure likes swinging girls around by the hair. Makes my scalp hurt for Jenny! One day…one day…I want someone to grab HIM by that ponytail of his and play the longest game of Tetherball known to man. Just a wee idea!

He tosses her into the next room by the hair & then smacks her. Thinking…that ought to take care of that. Time to get down to business.

Captain Creepy removes his coat, unbuttons his flies & invites Lil Captain Phallus Jr. to the proceedings. Hi there buddy…it just doesn’t seem to be your day. No one is screaming in pain or terror…that’s what you like huh? Awwww…too bad. Is that why your hiding?  Jenny see’s this and well, you know, warbled as it was. She laughed. That can’t be good for the little guy…seems he got REALLY embarrassed, said “No way Jack…I ain’t going out there…THEY ARE LAUGHIN at me!”

bjr

You HAVE to admire Tobias Menzies for committing to this scene the way he did. I mean…he COMPLETELY committed. This was no penis stunt double.  That scene tore down BJR like NO other scene ever could.  It simply couldn’t be “shown” with him “rubbing” at his breeches. The humiliation, the mortification. Jenny’s visual standpoint wouldn’t have been effective had we not known what she had seen, what she & he had both experienced.  People have said “I could imagine it, I did HAVE to see THAT” Could you though?  Could you really?  The dynamic…the nature of that is visceral. Visceral is not always comfortable but its not because it’s genitalia. It’s because it brings you somewhere you might not want to go. Face it, a flaccid penis is not threatening, it’s a part of the human body. It really has the same visual appeal as perhaps…ummm a big toe.  Tobias’—well,  a pretty big toe but – there I go with the digression thing again.

Plus, I am all about equal opportunity nudity.  The body is the body. It’s a part of who we are. The more we hide it and make it shameful the worse society makes people feel for having one. I think that stinks. It’s the reason that using the word penis and seeing a penis becomes some sort of “thing”.  Some said, the penis wasn’t the big deal, it was the “handling” of the penis. I wonder why? I wasn’t supposed to make you comfortable. THAT was the point. A common remark was “I couldn’t do it.”  That’s ok.  It wasn’t you doing it. It was Tobias, in the “role” of BJR, for the part, in the moment.  You aren’t do it for any reason. Take the YOU out of it. Look at it in the perspective it was intended & the why. Take away the negative power the negative hold that has been put into our brains over the years, decades…and TADA. Positive Penis Praise Prevails! – ahem- and yes…I have a vagina. *gasp*

gasp

Now, back to the show. Captain Creepy knows this laughter thing is keeping Lil FlaccidNoodle Jr. from enjoying the job at hand so he figures if he shuts her up by making her turn around and smacking her around…that will cure her for sure.  Nope. Jenny has gone full on banshee by now.  She recalls to those listening, she isn’t exactly sure why…but she could tell both Captain Creepy Sr. & Captain Creepy Jr. didn’t like it when she laughed so she was going to keep that shit up.  She could take a smack but as long as Jr. was flimsy he couldn’t do the job…so LAUGH she would.

hyena-laugh-o

I heard in more than a few articles suggesting Randall wanted her to turn around because he was a homosexual & needed pretend she was a man.  They gathered this after he vied for Jamie (later in the episode).  I have talked to many people who clearly know a little something about homosexuality- seeing how they are…they tell me it’s REALLY hard to pretend a woman is anything but a woman regardless of what hole you are penetrating…let’s not insult them to that degree. SO – I disagree with that particular viewpoint…BJR…has a taste for ANYONE he can terrify. Male or female. As Tuesday, April 28, 2015

” target=”_blank”>Diana Gabaldon as perfectly stated MANY times, BJR is an equally opportunity sadist. He wanted Jenny to turn around so she couldn’t watch his humiliation. Period. He can get aroused by anyone – that he is scaring the crap out of or controlling to his will. Period.  Jenny done screwed over his method of gettin some.

oh no you didnt

Just to make sure he made more friends. He called her a scottish see you next Tuesday and bashed her head off the bedpost. Boy oh boy Captain Creepy! You sure are rackin up the “Degenerate of the Month” points. He stuffed nerveless Jr. back in his pants & they left. Humiliated.

patricks-underwear-o

People found that hard to believe.  Not me.  In my minds eye, there is no way he was going to be able to perform with the last vision of that face being mockery. Better he get the hell out of dodge, letting his men think he done tapped that.

Back to the drawing room. Jenny wanted an apology, Jamie figured he gave her one. Men, do that. Think they apologize when they don’t. Claire had Jenny’s back and corrected him. Now, some think Jenny was being rude to Claire here by saying “This is between my brother & me”  I saw it as her standing up for Jamie. Cool eh? We see things from our perspective- our filters. I have big sisters who push my buttons & stand up for me. Jamie is like “Geez Claire! There ya go again…c’mon… since I can’t spank ya, I’m going to give you a tongue lashin’ and not the kind you like.”

So off to another room they go so he can remind her. He’s the king of the castle & she’s needs to be his queen. At least in public. Remember Leticia? Colum’s wife? She always held her tongue in public, he tells her. She would throw shit at the old codger in private but in public…she supported him. So there’s a visual. Leticia whipping things across the room at a cripple. Tsk Tsk. Classy girlfriend.

Claire tells Jamie he better be careful and smarten up a bit because she can assure him, she has better aim than Leticia ever did.

amen
Claire will drink to a good throwing arm. Hitting her target. Not being meek. Hell…Claire will drink to just about anything.

HoppyGuy Ian breaks the silence, always the sweety. Asking Claire where she is from- doesn’t really matter though does it. This is home she says.

Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home

Jenny is a bit taken aback. Home is it? Been gone 4 yrs. Outlawed and PLUNK back down with a wife & taking over my house. That’s a bit intrusive. What about that thing called a price on your big thick head?  Ah, yet ANOTHER Englishman is going to pull me out of the fire. Hmrph…Jenny “take no flack from anyone especially the English” Murray doesn’t trust this much. Why should she, they tied up her brother in front of her eyes, dragged her up into her room & attempted to rape her. Pretty sure there would be no love loss there for anyone. She is the big sister…see’s yet another button un-pushed on her big brother and gives it a go. “Never thought you’d be so trustin’ of the English.”

pushbutton

Oh Jamie you have SO many buttons to push brother!

I think Claire knows where this is coming from and instead of taking it as too much of a dig, she chooses to leave the room & wash up than to start another English/Scottish war.  If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Choose-a-communication-strategy-Tina-Fey-zip-it

Mrs. Fitzgibbons sent Jamie & Claire their things. Sweet lady. Jenny, for all of those who were growling about her being bitchy- bah! She says right about here that since the Laird is staying, he should have the main bed chamber & sends the maids to take care of things.  She doesn’t seem put out, annoyed or bothered. Ian, in fact looks humoured by the whole deal.  Jamie confirms…Yep… I am Laird. Some thought that was arrogant. Perhaps stating the obvious may be a trifle redundant in the moment but sometimes saying things out loud makes it easier for us to accept…doesn’t it? Especially when we are having a hard time believing it ourselves.

So Molly Maid ripped through the Lairds quarters & got rid of Jenny & Ian’s personal belonging making room for Jamie & Claire to take over residence. Now, it’s time for some walks down memory lane.  Claire, do you see…all the blue? Your new home, room…blue. All the pottery, vases…blue. You didn’t need to buy that vase in episode one did you? You are surrounded by them now…and later…well. FLUTTER!

vases

Jamie tells Claire stories of his father. Bringing Brian Fraser to life for us. Who was played by Andy Whipp. Another fantasticalamazaball casting choice. He was on the screen for moments. He came to life in some dialogue in which Jamie talked about his books, boots n blade.

We get to “meet” Brian. In Fort William as Jamie speaks of him. We got a sneak peek at him – those of us that were hound dogs looking for him in “The Garrison” episode. This time – in this flashback. Jamie brings him to before our eyes & Andy Whipp brings him to life.  They look a like, the lilt of of their accents. Damn fine casting.

I can see it...can you?

I can see it…can you?

The way he commands the guards with compassion & dignity. Not groveling. The way he tells Jamie he will stand by him. This father in this time isn’t ashamed to love his son & kisses his cheek. “Y’er a braw lad son!” Major sigh. Reminding your boy to be strong in the face of everything. Yes. Brian Fraser made me love him in about 10 seconds flat. Frogs n arseholes he made me love him!

Then we have to face off against HIM. Again. Ugh. Captain Creep Master General. Sitting there idly writing letters. Probably to his only friends.

dear s&m

Rambling on to Jamie how his Dad couldn’t possibly get his pardon letter and be back on time, but he had a GREAT idea on how he could get out of getting flogged again.

There were two menu choices. 1. Buggery. No butter. 2. Floggery. With Extra Hate on the side.  Geez Jamie. What’s it going to be? You know…Jamie could live without butter he is thinking. CCMG said he would let him go. Suuuuuuuure, he’d let you go alright. Straight to a grave. I think he would have on’d him, then off’d him.

With the feeling of his father’s kiss still wet upon his cheek he is thinking, there is no way he could let his father down like that. Not so much the  buggery.It’s the whole-letting that man “the chair doesn’t even want sitting on it” break his will.

douchechair

Like Jamie doesn’t know how much a second flogging is going to hurt. The big meany pokes him right in the stripes. Not a here’s a wee FB poke to make your day but a remember this? This hurts dunnit?

pokeme

Then, we get to see the flogging AGAIN. GLARF! Like it wasn’t bad enough the first time. Brian has to be there. Seeing it, then dropping. The aneurysm takes him. We knew Brian for moments. Yet when he falls to the ground, he takes my heart down with him. WHY, BRIAN WHY???

cry

Jamie regrets it all. Not seeing his Dad die. Well, we saw it. It was horrible. Didn’t see him taken away, buried & hasn’t seen his grave. Putting off the tough stuff. Jamie- it seems to be your thing these last 4 yrs. Running away. Ammiright?

SUPPERS ON! Claire thinks the best way to anyone’s heart is by giving them booze. Pregnant or not, poor Jenny a glass & you are sure to get in good with sister.  Small talk turns to “You know anything about being awesome like me & running a house like this?”  “Hmmm, not yet but I learn quick, don’t you worry.”

Ian reminds everyone  Quarter Day is tomorrow. Jenny is excited cuz she gets to take everyone’s monies. Ian just wants to celebrate his buddy coming home! Jenny also thinks this is a good time to rib on lil bro again, things just aren’t tense enough and she has 4 whole years of pent up big sister pissing contests to win. She throws down the Daddy’s grave card.  Jamie is still avoiding that splinter under the nail so…

elk

Jamie takes that one because Jenny lets him suit himself. AKA Get stuffed you wee shithead.

Quarter Day brings lots of happy faces. Mine especially. Jamie in leather. MMMMMMM. Nom Nom Nom.  It’s Brians leather BTW. Looks fine on him, fitting into Daddy’s jacket verra well.  People are bringing gifts for the Laird n Lady. First one…a bottle of booze. Claire is thinking to herself SCORE! I’m going to like it here JUST fine. These are my peeps!

yes

She gets all sorts of gifts, then one…one is SUPER special. The little vase with blue deco. The one she should have bought in episode one. It’s not exactly the same vase but a vase still the same, she had never owned one. Now she did, the look she gave Jamie was “You have no idea but I’m home.”

sigh

Quarter Day is going fine however Jamie seems to be giving away more money than he is bringing in, in the spirit of generosity to his tenants during hard times. Jenny ain’t happy ’bout it.

We get introduced to Rab & Rabbie McNabb. Poor wee bugger Rabbie, just wanted a crappy bannock.  His father started smacking him around in front of everyone. Claire isn’t really one to watch boney lil kids get batted around. She got in there and tried her best to diffuse the situation.  ME?   I would have seen just how far his balls could have gone into his stomach under the power of my Reeboks but…then again, I can be a trifle on the vigilant side when it comes to weak men. There aren’t many things that get my dander up. Morons that smack around kids & women for the sake of smacking them around. Yeah.

hold me back

Hold me back bro…

 Claire brings wee Rabbie in the house to be tended, bringing him straight to Jenny. Their relationship exists. If its strained most likely because Jenny has always been the one in charge of Jamie. The only woman to care for him since their mother died. Think about having to give him up to a wife. Yeah…ouch right?  I think Claire is aware of that so she is being delicate with it.

Jamie sees them with the boy & goes over to see what’s shaking, Jenny dismisses him. She has been in run of the house for a long time but truth is. The men are the ones who discipline the children, the women who are the one who tend & love them. Not his business. Truth. This is why he isn’t concerned when Jenny flits him away & he pretty much ignores Claire when she calls after him to do something there and then.

Next thing we hear is drunk music. This was thanks to the awesome Bear McCreary. Then we see Jamie…he done went and got Claire Drunk. I know right? There’s a switch. This whole scene was just awesomely written, brilliantly acted & just funny as hell. Claire’s eye rolling, Jamie’s ass smackin’ I’m the Laird of Lallywood & beat up people, yo ho ho & a bucket o rum was just plain funny.

DogLaughing

I did like the line “the difference between abuse & discipline”- a little token there for peeps. There plainly is a line that some choose not to see – in both directions.

opinions

Drunken convo about elephants, seeing them & riding them was priceless and as annoyed as Claire was with her annoying drunk of a husband, she also thought to herself, “Oh, I guess whats good for gander…”  One good heave and he is snoring happily.

The next morning, we hear hungover music. Nicely played Bear. See a green Jamie…..another nice change. Claire has a remedy that always works for her. MORE BOOZE!

Jenny flies into the room, not caring over much that Jamie’s head is as big as the broch, giving him hell for not taking the rents & not talking to her before putting the boots to Rabbie’s father, she happened to be taking care of that lil problem.  He looked abashed at this but she kept on going and hit the big button, the one she knew would get his goat. The DAD button. As lil brother he knew he just had to puff up and yell back he was boss and didn’t have to ask ANYONE for help! NUHUH not him! I caught a whiff right there that Jenny probably still saw him as her little brother, yes, always would but it was her father that was Laird. Jamie & Jenny were like peas n carrots. The Laird card just got played not the man card.

I'm the Laird, I'm the boss I make the decisions WHINE WHINE BLAH!
I’m the Laird, I’m the boss I make the decisions WHINE WHINE BLAH!

Jamie went & bit into a chunky bannock, I take it they aren’t supposed to be chunky.He called for Mrs. Croooooook, sounded a lot like hoooooor.  She was like “Ain’t my fault I have to grind the stupid flour…YOUR mill is broke”  So, he puffs up and figures HE is going to fix it. Every book reader is thinking WHOOOHOOOO MILL POND, WATER WHEEL SCENE!

Happy Dance EveryBODY!
Happy Dance EveryBODY!

Jamie & Claire head to the water wheel, sure enough, something is stuck! DARN. Jamie has to strip off his kilt & get into that water. This show can be torture sometimes you know. Making us endure this.

If you can't sense the sarcasm...you are broken deep inside
If you can’t sense the sarcasm…you are broken deep inside

By the way, I don’t have a penis…and I had shrinkage. That effin water looked COLD…AND I’m Canadian. I know COLD! Brrrrrrrrrr. Jamie exclaims CAC!  Which I was sure meant “Holy SHIT my balls fell off!” but Àdhamh Ó Broin said it was just “shit”…

Jenny comes running up & Claire admonishes her because of her condition. Saying she didn’t have to come but she says OH YEAH…I did- showing her who ELSE is coming. Red Coats. AGAIN!  Jenny, fast on her feet tells Claire to keep silent, they flare out their skirts to cover Jamie’s clothes. So for those who think Jenny is hardened & Claire can’t stand her… Yeah. All of that- right there.

These redcoats aren’t evil meanie pants though. They want to help fix the wheel. OF COURSE they do! ERGH! Jamie has gotten REAL good at holding his breath. It’s all his practice going down n doing morning alarm clock exercises. Everything happens for a reason I tell ya!

Jamie manages to fix the wheel & throws his shirt in it to make it look like THAT was what was stuck. The redcoats leave with a passing insult but no harm, no foul. Except maybe they take Jamie’s perfectly good shirt with them. Don’t offer to give it back or anything, just lay claim to it. Weenie move guys. Weenie move.

colin no

The girls rush to make sure Jamie is alright. Jenny’s concern of course comes out in something that sounds like big sister condemnation when Jamie is standing there all, glistening, neked & really really cold. Good lawd…that water looked glacier spring cold. Poor buggers. Jamie hardly heard WHAT she was saying only realizing she was there, keeping his own Wee Jamie covered – not so difficult as he has big hands & we have comprehended that water is super duper cold.  Let’s make this VERRA clear to you

effects of cold water
By now, you should be used to seeing these lil guys, and this one has a hat on…more tolerable?

Jamie spins around. He wants to get out of the water but he also doesn’t want his big sister to see him in all together…so he yells at her to turn around so he can get out before his cock snaps off. We all yell at Jenny to go because the last thing ANY of us want is for his cock to snap off! That…would be a catastrophe.

cant happen
some cocks…just can’t snap off…and be gone from us forever. This is one.

Many of us have a “SHUT UP” Button.  Jenny found hers when Jamie turned around.  His back, the scars…in that moment…the story of Jamie being flogged at Fort William was no longer just a story. It was Jenny’s little brother, being flogged at Fort William. Her story of that day & those 4 years apart, suddenly became HIS story & then theirs. You could see it clearly on her face in the few seconds before she spun around and ran away from it. Who would want to face that any longer than they had to.  Honestly? That kind of truth is like a kick in the face if you ask me.  I know you didn’t but if you haven’t figured out…I’m going to tell you *snort*

Jamie harps to Claire after Jenny takes off, wanting to know WHY she was there. If Jamie had lapels to grab n shake, pretty sure Claire would have right now. Plus its a good thing he had a hold of his own manhood because if it was within her grasp…she might of snapped it off herself. She sharply let him know Jenny came to warn him of the Redcoats because she gives two shits about him. With a swirl of her skirts…off she goes.

Claire is upstairs in Lallybroch, looking at the paintings – beautiful- when she & Always HoppyGuy Ian have a moment.  You know, he is perpetually Jenny’s balance, the happy balance…he & Claire seem to have such a connection in the show. One that didn’t really seem to jump off the pages for me in the book. Yes, he cared for her & him her but of course, you don’t get those stolen glances do you? The “Finally I have a brother in arms” against the world to be married to a Fraser as they battle it out in front of them. To read them…and to see them are very different creatures. I suppose if Steven Cree & Caitriona Balfe didn’t artfully present them – they would be lost on us as well. They get to know one another. He shows her part of Jenny she hasn’t seen, still strong, still worthy but soft. His. Hmmm, maybe the part Claire sees in herself a bit.

damn

Claire is also having a hard time dealing with the dynamics of helping Jamie find his niche. He believes he has a roll to fill. It’s a big one & in trying to do that, he is putting on airs that really don’t suit him. This is something so many people are guilty of that the expression was created for those very people. People do this not because they always BELIEVE it themselves they are better…but they think OTHERS think they SHOULD be better.  I will go back to Quarter Day – Jamie wearing his father’s coat, Jamie calling out to his tenants that LIKE his father he would be lenient.

See...more than just a pretty face folks
See…more than just a pretty face folks

AlwaysHoppy Ian let’s Claire know, the best way to deal with a Fraser is a good swift kick in the arse. Claire asks…if that doesn’t work…Kick harder he says.  He oughta know, can’t be easy to kick w one leg. Better take his advice. Claire makes up her mind.

Jamie, sound a sleep in bed. Looks angelic. Until Claire grabs his sheets and unceremoniously dumps his ass on the floor. She lets him know – it’s the Lady of the houses turn to talk. He best be shuttin his wine gob. She tells him he’s Jamie Fraser FIRST…Laird of Lallybroch SECOND and NOT his father but his own person…in so many words.  Even though Sam Heughan is a great actor, Jamie Fraser SUCKS at it.

We have a few shots from Tourism Scotland again. Have you booked your tickets yet?

Then…we are in the grave yard.  Jenny arriving to meet with Jamie who is standing facing  his father’s gravestone…for the first time. Jenny scares the beejeezus out of him. He is surrounded by dead people after all.

Oh you guys really OTTER make up
Oh you guys really OTTER make up

You just want them to kiss n make up but you know- this is going to be more than that.

And it is.

Jamie asks to speak first.  Claire got to him.  He gives Jenny the money for the rents, tries to make amends for the Rabbie situation & Jenny agrees that their father would have agreed with Jamie that the boy would be better off at Lallybroch.  Still Jamie knows, Jenny had the running of the estate for 4 yrs., he should have spoken with her, and he says so…apologizing.

This hits her but where it hits her starts us on a path that leads to Jenny stealing this scene.

I'll just take that scene....Thank you very much Sam
Laura – I’ll just take that scene….Thank you very much Sam

Jenny, after seeing Jamie’s back, realized the fury of the flogging Jamie had taken at the hands of Randall.  All of the years, part of her blamed her brother for their father’s death. Thinking he must of shot his big mouth off to get himself in trouble. That was after all his M.O. while they were growing up.  Those scars though, those were more than that…she turned it back on her own actions. Laughing in the face of the attempted rape.

Jamie pulls her to him. “Cry not”, he says. She needs to. He needs to comfort her. This is their moment to comfort one another. To heal one another. To share a moment of blame…both of them angered Randall. Both of them blame themselves for their father’s death and both of them can pass that fury onto one man. Captain Creepy deserves their wrath. Together.

Jamie tells Jenny he would have gladly died to save her & here we see Jenny’s iron backbone solidify once again & deliver a line from the books that has always resonated.  “If your life is a suitable exchange for my honour, why is my honour not a suitable exchange for your life?”

nananana
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA

She does love him as much as he loves her. THAT’S why they can get so angry, become so offended & know EXACTLY what to say to turn the knife so deep.

“Welcome home, Laird Broch Turach” Jenny says. Then all is right in the world. They accept their new roles in their lives, they finally lay their father to rest. Jamie kisses his sister & they go home to start their new life. Side by side.

SUUUUUUURE they do!

Man I love these people like family.

It happens every time. I guess I am easy
It happens every time. I guess I am easy

Claire is sitting at the window, starting out at the broch. “What the hell is up with this north facing tower thing?” she asks…”The thing is round, thats stupid.”  “Don’t be silly Claire, the door is on the north…DERP!”  *eyeroll* She says “Fraser’s” like one would say “Dumbasses” which…I got a huge chuckle out of.

Get comfy, but only for a couple moments. Claire feels like she belongs. Jamie reminds her, his arms are her home. Telling her why he married her. That he wanted her more than anything else in his life. Talking about her round arse and rock solid head…such a charmer. Then…the love…he tells her he loved her the first time she let him comfort her at Leoch. Also how he loves her more each day than the day before…yeah…She loves him…of course she loves him. Let’s have sex.

Ummm…them…they have sex. We don’t see it this time but we all have good imaginations & have seen it plenty of times we can replay it.

Naturally, we know, this is Outlander. They are NOT going to let us end on a happy note. No. That won’t happen.

We can't be that lucky
We can’t be that lucky

Sure enough, Claire wakes up & she looks drowsily blissful. You know somethings going down, and it aint gonna be Jamie this time.  He isn’t in bed with her.  Up she gets, dressed and out of the room…first thing she hears is harsh voices & the click of a pistol.

Looking down into the sitting room…Claire sees Jamie surrounded by 3 men of the Watch, pistols pointed at his head.  Told she will have scrub floor first thing in the morning if he doesn’t behave himself…and we know how well behaved Jamie is.

Dangit. Claire…never get comfortable sister.

SL-AB-Ootiest of ABootlanders

FYI—Just a heads up folks…next wks blog burst will be late – I am going on all expenses paid vacay to Cancun w the hasbeen for our 23rd wedding anniversary…the company I am with is kind enough to run an incentive trip that happens to fall during this time…booya! So take care of you…keep OutlanderCAN warm for me. Our Twitter LiveFeed will still be a go.  My fellow admin & buddy tlmfarmgirl will be impersonating me & taking over the @ABOotlanders twitter feed for the hour

The Devil’s, Mark? I thought his name was Stan!

You learn something new with every episode – that is why I LOVE THIS SHOW! Not only is it entertaining…it’s educational. Edutainment folks. We have a lot of stuff to go over- we better get started.

I feel an Ed Grimley moment comin on. MartinShort

Yes…I must say. The way the first part of the season played out, slow n steady, character building, stories being created & relationships developed has allowed the second part of the season to move at break neck speed! SO MUCH HAPPENS in each & every episode. They seem to manage to put so much into one hour – yet it’s funny there will still be people who say “I wish they would have left in xx & xxx”  “They could have taken out this line & added the line I liked.” Oh? Really…Ron D. Moore didn’t call every single person who read the book….ummmm 25 million peeps to see their favourite lines uttered by their book boyfriend? Oh…wait…EVERY LINE EVER UTTERED BY SAID DUDE!

Yes, I wish everyone could move on. Then I remembered. These wishes won’t come true. For either of us. Know why? No candles to blow out & I didn’t see a shooting star! Effin technicalities.

picard-that-is-enoug-QoIU

I mean for reals my peeps. Every thing Jamie ever said in the books we would love to hear Sam Heughan wrap his tongue around but.. stop being so selfish. SHEESH!  The show is ONE hour long. Well…in Canada it is an hour and a half but we need to have pee breaks, pour a drink breaks, blow your nose & wipe your tear breaks. (I am trying to be nice & say we have commercials).

There is A SHIT LOAD of dialogue in Diana’s books and if you are so intent on hearing it. Get comfy somewhere…Davina Porter will read it to YOU! Or…read it as many times as your heart desires. Your imagination is afterall- like…the best. We have proven that…repeatedly…after each and every episode. Right? Huh? Huh? *Big Smiles*

sarcasm

Sometimes you have to announce it

Let’s let the TV show live it’s life, it’s big beautiful awesome life.

It would be a rainbow, unicorn & lollipop world if the nay saying pick the scab “I’m entitled to throw my opinion all over the interwebs” and tag the writers/producers in it if I want – would consider this little piece of decency.  Imagine, someone walking into your place of work & criticizing what you do – especially when they have zero idea of what actually goes into it. I wonder how they would feel?  And no, simply because people choose to work in the public eye does not give others the right to belittle them. That’s a cop out to being an asshole & sorry…it’s still wrong. It’s just mean.  If you wouldn’t do it to your neighbour – you shouldn’t do it to someone you think of as famous because well – just because they are – doesn’t make them less HUMAN.

Ummmm yeah, if we are the type that would walk into their place of work & beak off or go off on our neighbours — might I suggest— we take a second look at our manners? Perhaps, just maybe it’s time for the relization that we might be a dick? Maybe…kinda.

Digression isn’t my middle name but I sure as hell do it a lot.  I don’t even have a middle name maybe I should adopt it.

DEVILS

The opening scene with the murm..mu…flock of birds was gorgeous wasn’t it? I love how they implemented that in the story.

We did NOT get the same wake up call in this episode that we did the last one, dirty & abrupt yes…just not the same dirty & abrupt.

Can you believe we made it all the way to 11 episodes without seeing RATS? I don’t mean Black Rat Randall n the Duke of Ratingham…I mean actual rodents. They are the one creature in the Universe, that make me shudder, shake & gag on site. It’s a phobia or something. No, not or something. It’s a phobia. Which is CRAZY considering one of my favourite things in  the world is Mickey Mouse- a 5 ft rodent. I am a special kinda special!

Those wardens sure are a sweet couple of lunk heads eh? Didn’t you just wanna find a hole to throw THEM into? They for some reason found it necessary to dig up a latter to get the girls OUT of the hole…but…they just chucked their asses in willy nilly. Maybe hoping they would land on their bumrolls for cushion.  From the sounds & looks of things, that did NOT happen.  Geilwitch seemed to have fell straight onto her bitch button because she went into straight into “Blame Claire” mode. I bet she fell on her tailbone…that’s my bitch button too…That effin hurts like a Black Jack.

spongebob-butthurt

The girl’s get into a fight. “You told my secrets!” “What secrets!?’ The whole effin town knew! You were dancing neked in public you looniebird!” “You think I’m a WITCH?” “Nope but you sure as heck know your way around the killin fields don’t ya!?” “Oh…yeah…that…got me there.Wanna feel my crazy baby kick?”

Claire has to give Geilwitch a bit of a shake down. She still thinks Dougal is her knight and shining tartan. Yeah…not so much eh? He kinda bailed on her bumroll & all of a sudden it dawns on her. She is up shit creek without a paddle. This is where I throw in thislotte

Where Caitriona’s face is expressive. Glass. Like Diana wrote it. Lotte has brought something to the role of Geillis Duncan.  Diana wrote about her green piercing eyes…uh-huh. But…Lotte…expresses with her eyes.  They are haunting. She is bewitching. I heart her. I have been with my husband 29 yrs…married 23 – I am straight. This show is giving me serious girl crush moments. Especially when she plays on twitter with me. It’s only encouragement ya know.

LOTTEV

Once Geillis gets it. Dougal’s gone, Jamie too…they are HOOPED! She tries to make up  by offering Claire the big hunk of rat poop bread. As appealing as that is, Claire just ain’t hungry. Geillis then offers Claire the comfy side of the stone to sleep, yeah…Claire’s still chafed. That ain’t happening either. For now. It’s still

freinds OFF

The warden come and haul their asses out of the thieves hole in the morning, this time with ladders. Wouldn’t those have been a swell idea when they tossed them down there like dirty laundry down a chute?

Remember “buddy ropes” when you were little? Me too. The things they attached Claire & Geillybean to…not the same thing.

buddy rope

Building a pyre in town square before the trial even starts. I can see how people intend for this to go. Sort of guilty until proven guilty. Good job folks! Loved Geillybeans maypole comment. Everyone is a smartass when they are getting ready to be put on a spit. Why not? Not like they have anything to loose right?

There we have it. A trial. We had Mutt & Jeff as teamsters, they reminded me & hundreds of others I am sure of Statler & Waldorf from the Muppets.

judges

Ned Gowan came bursting in, brandishing common sense, intelligence &  honest to goodness law (he also had his pistol, but saves that for last, like a good lawyer should) – but this here was a church & the law had no place there. We also had a mob. Mob mentality is at its best here.  Mental they were! The energy in that courtroom was palatable – can’t say that it tasted like something I would order again but they did one helluva job!

It was like Jerry Springer meets Judge Judy meets Degrassi  Jr. High. The DRAMA! Oh Em Gee! The backstabbing housemaid. For real guuuuurl! Conive much? Twist a tale much? Pretzel Ginnie…that’s what I am gonna call ya. I wouldn’t like dumpin out ole Arthur’s crap pot either but Geillybean took care of that for you didn’t she?  Shouldn’t you be grateful? I suppose you got your minute of fame though eh?!  I guess this was her moment – Cranesmuir’s Got Talent!

cranesmuir

Ned strikes a lawyer pose and BOOYAH! Down goes Ginnie the housemaid. Turns out she was spreading gossip all the way to the castle.

She gets THREE X’s

X       X       X

X                                X                              X

They are way cuter than the judges on any of those shows, so I will use them!

The next witness in the trial is the poor superstitious woman and her  man who left their sick baby in a tree to die. You know the one, the one Claire tried to save. Her eyes – her fingers…she is stunning. To me…she is what Golum would look like if he was a beautiful woman. I know that sounds like a backhanded insult…but it isn’t. creepy lady

She takes a swing at Claire & Claire gets a wee bit pissy about this! Ned has to tell her to shut her bannock hole! He can take care of this. He does another flip…her baby didn’t die…it’s running free with the faeries remember? It was the changling babe that died in this woman’s arms. You can’t really be mad at her for that? You have to take the blame for not stopping her – if you had…the fearies could have made the switch. Poor ignorant peasant. #sigh You gotta feel for folks like this. Ignorance is a tough nut to crack.

The next up to talk to the court of pointing fingers & screamin mimis is Alistair. His friends call him “AllheSTAREs”. It’s his fun shroom issue.  He sits on the “faery” hill picking the longed stemmed poop tasting ‘fungus that make mistress Duncan fly like the ravens”. He sure is a bullshitter. Wish Ned could say something about him just getting out of rehab or something. shrooms

Don’t you just wish Ned could throw something like “This douche was just on Celebrity Rehab & gave Mickey Rourke a run for his money!” but no…that’s not an option. Instead, it’s late, everyone needs a break & it’s time for the ladies to get tossed back in the hole. Not before Ned rescues Claire again. He knows our girl & he brings her what she loves best, well second best…a flask of whisky! Good man.  Not before she asks hopefully if Colum sent him…yeah…no! TwistyLegs McTwisterson, in fact, looks like had a bit to do with the whole strammach. Claire looks sick but she has some booze. That’s good news.

There is no better time for girl bonding & make up chatter than when you are stuck in a hole. Granted, its a big hole – big enough for 2 women & a crew *snort*  Plus after being stuck shoulder to shoulder all day, listening to people throw insults at you both & lies. You tend to stand back to back to protect your fronts. The walls come down – then it is friends ON again.bff2

I even heard rattles about them “allowing” Geillybean to drink in the episode – though she was pregnant. Uh-huh. Ok. Super  awesome. A historical 18th century woman now has to be the moral and ethical compass for us in this century. These kinda picky pants remarks are the type of things that will suck the life out of  their enjoying the show. It’s not about the inclusion of these accuracies in the show that will. Personally, they make me giggle uncontrollably because they are down right silly. Like the string.

sticking-tongues-14

The girls have a sleepover night. You know, talkin about fraud, stealing, boys, politics n stuff. Through it all- Claire throws in a wee quote from Nathan Hale “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country” – he was in the Continental Army and spoke those words in 1776-before he was hanged. There we go with Lotte & her eye’s again! I saw it…I know you saw it!

This is where a certain garment starts to unravel for us.

T'is the sweater of realization. Stitch by stitch - it comes a part. Just watch.

T’is the sweater of realization. Stitch by stitch – it comes a part. Just watch.

The next morning- the empty flask by her head- Claire wakes and shakes the gate over her head like this is the first time she tries to get out. Come on Claire. Don’t tell me this is the first time. Then again, I would be shaking that damn thing at every opportunity too.

We have a soft moment returning to the opening scene when Claire spots a starling. Remember the start of the show? Just a single one of those. She told the story of this black bird who flew in flocks for protection against falcons. Murmuration – They shared a quiet moment before being hauled from their dank dark pit of patheticness and back into the court of contention. The moment before crawling out this time…gave me a lump in my throat – Claire reaching out for Geillybeans bump & her grabbing her hands to kiss them. The lump was vomit…can you imagine how NARSTY her hands were? Nope…wouldn’t be able to handle the 18th century.

Emotional Wall Erected. Don't come through!

Emotional Wall Erected.
Don’t come through!

Back in the “court”…yup using this term loosely! Speaking of loosely – the first witness of the day….Laoghaire “LooseLips” McKenzie! This girl.  What a girl. The hate & venom being aimed towards this child is extraordinary. To me that means Nell Hudson is the cats ass. That’s a good thing for those people who don’t know.

She sure has some emotional challenges eh? Believes every damn thing that comes out of her mouth. I am convinced this 16 yr old young woman- was emotionally engaged to Jamie Fraser.  She is a product of her environment. She sees Claire as an evil woman that has stolen her future. Is it right? Nope! Is what she does with the information right? Nope! But she is an immature child and acting like one. They have written her brilliantly & Nell Hudson couldn’t do a better job at portraying her.

giphyangelica-gif

He’s MY Jamie! Give ‘im BACK!

She has no compass of life experience to draw from & she also lives in a world of superstition. She is 16.  Most 16 yr olds live in a world of ALL ABOUT ME. I get Laoghaire.  I wanted MY Claire to throat punch her instead of slap her but I get her. I might be 43, but I remember being 16. Which is SUPER weird, because I can’t remember what I did yesterday. Stupid complicated brain.

Ned calls out LooseyGooseyLaoghaire for being a jealous broken hearted lass. She admits it. Love of her life *tears* Awwwwwwwwwwww and down goes the house.

crowd so

That performance deserves a STANDING OVATION! BRAVA! BRAVA !                                              The Cranessheepians give her one too.

Claire loses her shit & calls her out on everything. Turns out Jamie told her about the wee incident down by the river too. See…all of the folks yakking about Jamie cheating for touching the upper curve of LooseyGooseyLaoghaire’s boob as she put her hand right on it – he told Claire all about it. Does that change anyone’s mind? Yeah, didn’t think so. When you are right…you’re right.

crazy

Father Bain…ewwww…ewwww…and EWWWW some more! This guy just makes you feel like you have the willies like ALL the time. Creepy crawlies rash inducing badness. This dude embodies it!. While he walked into make his speech, the way he was talking about Claire, it was like…Ummmm…anyone else get the feeling that he wants to bone her?

dundun

DUN DUN DUN DUN

It made me uncomfortable too. Totally have no urge to see what’s under THAT robe. He’s making up for something. Men like that – need tweezers to masterbate. You just know it. ( The character. The actor probably has a perfectly normal penis. I’m just being reactive to his stellar acting.) Father Bain needs to burn!

Then the Freakshow Bainbasket went on to do what he does best. Manipulate his sheeple. Playing possum for them. After giving them the spiel of how hot she makes him he then falls to his knees shouting “I’m not worthy!” knowing full well his sheeple won’t take this well – that they will jump to protect he. He has trained them well.

sheeple copy

The smirk. Really? You suck!

They were just about to call down the fires of hell when BOOM Ned was like LUNCH! We NEED LUNCH! I need a SANDWICH & a DIET COKE! 

He get’s the defendants alone with him for a few moments & tells him the whole thing has gone to pot & not the good kind he uses for his asthma.

It time to do something drastic. Drastic means it is time to throw someone under the carriage. They didn’t have busses then so – yeah.  If Claire says she is an ignorant Sassenach & Geillybean pulled into her masterful witchyweb then she can live while Geillybean…well….doesn’t.

He leaves so the girls can hash this shit out. Girl style.

Ok, They didn't Girl Fight. But I LOVE this GIF and it breaks up the feels.

Ok, They didn’t Girl Fight. But I LOVE this GIF and it breaks up the feels.

G loses her last nerve for a minute and wants to be sure she is going to die for good damn reason! Where you from!? Stop lying! Why you here?! Tell me! Shit! You came by ACCIDENT? WHO DOES THAT? UGH!

Then…Best LINE ever! “Look’s like I’m going to a fucking bar-b-que!” BAHAHAHA! Nice!  There we see a bit more unraveling happening on Claire’s face but the peeps screaming they want to burn her on the other side of the door kind of shakes her out of it.

I am going to get an apron made for my hubby. He is the chef…and I don’t go near our Bar-B-Que – I’ll blow my damn self up. I know it.

apron3454pop

Ned thinks Claire is going to grovel for her life when they come back. Geillybean thinks so too…she is avoiding eye contact, most people think it is because she is pissed off. I think it is because she is trying to disconnect herself from Claire to make the story easy for people to believe. She is shocked when Claire goes into BFF mode for her & refused to leave her to burn alone. Connection is one thing but this. CRAZY!

you-crazy

They condemn them both to BURN. They crazy gets turned up to 10! Ned does what Ned seems to do when shit goes down…he grabs his pistol. He waves it around like his wrist is made of wet noodles.

This buys the girls some time – enough time for Geillybean to share that she thinks its possible & 1968 with Claire. Unravel..Unravel.

Ned’s pistol goes off…the metal one, in his hand, that the mob is trying to wrestle away from him. ( I feel a need to explain cuz people think I am a perv for some reason.  Possibly because I am.)

The shot brings everyone back to the bedlam of the room. Ned getting carried to the ground. Claire screams at everyone if they burn them, that makes them murders which means THEY will ALL burn in hell. OOPS! Guess what THAT sounds like to them? A HEX! This means…she needs to be punished there and then. Real nice bunch of thugs they are, they order her stripped n skelped.

All through this episode- this is what was going through Claire’s poor head.

whatisthisfuckery

Laoghaire has to get a last crooked twist in. Seriously girlfriend, you could hide behind a spiral staircase. Dance on her ashes could you? Classy, child…classy.

bitch

Watching Claire’s dress get ripped open in preparation for getting whipped was…NOT COOL. I got such a pit in my gut watching that scene. Sometimes you wish Caitriona wasn’t such a good actress & would just hang there and yell “Hey, owwww that hurts…stop…ouch…stop now.”  Because watching her…like we were… taking that whipping was TOO realistic.  The energy from the crowd, the anger on their faces, the panic, hurt & pain in her face. The agony on Geillis’ face too. It was all TOO MUCH.

drowning

I will continue to use this until I stop needing to.

Then he heard me! I was yelling at my TV. “JAMIE! Where the HELL are YOU!  Hurry UP FFS!” Then POOF! There he WAS! Took him long enough…he could have shown up 5 minutes earlier…but we will take him when we get him!

This is a man right here…going all scottish ninja on their asses – straight through the isle knocking sheeples out of his way like bowling pins! Drawing both dirk & sword. Then Statler stands & tells Jamie he has no right to touch Claire & to stand down or something I don’t know what he said really even when I play it over & over, all I can see & hear is Jamie… ole Statler sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown to me “WAH WAH WAH WAH”.  Jamie tells him to get bent. He promised on an alter before God he would protect this woman and there aint NOTHING they can do or say that will stop him from doing that. He will drop the first stupid numpty who takes a step near him…it looks like they believe him too.

calm your tits

Jamie is ANTI-sheeple. THAT my friends…is A MAN FOR the people. *sigh*  Followed by a THUD

This is when Geillybean takes the opportunity to do something selfless for Claire.  Just as Claire did for her. I swear – girls really should stand up for one another more but getting themselves whipped n burned might be taking this whole sisterhood thing a tad far.

G-girl puts on her shoulder pads of awesomeness. Throws ’em back and screams at the crowd that Claire ain’t no witch but SHE sure as hell is…AND she has proof! BOOYA! Lookit you ignoramuses- this is the mark of the devil himself!  The look of anguish on Claire’s face  – Jamie looking between G- & Claire & the town people…it was as if willing them out of the door. There goes the whole damn sweater…we are left with a length of yarn. Done.

This scene gives me goose nipples! Yes. Goose nipples! We don’t get goose bumps in Canada…we get Canadian goose nipples. AKA Nippilitis. Terrible thing.

The dialogue delivered by Geillis was remarkable, the tearing of her dress to show her devils babe, the response from crowd was viscerale & then the scream. Seriously the scream as she was doing the crowd surfing…SERIOUSLY!?  That was as kick ass as they come.

You can't help but cheer for a performance like this!

You can’t help but cheer for a performance like this!

It’s Jamie’s turn to tend to Claire’s wounds this time. He is being tender with her & it’s just heartbreaking to watch. He asks her if she is a witch, he needs to know. Geilwitch referred to that mark on her arm as one of the devils and he has seen the same on Claire.  It didn’t seem as it would change how he felt about her but for their safety, he needed an answer. BOY did he get those answers! All of them. She told him everything. That she was from the future, how she got there, when she tried to get back & all about the things she knew. She thought for sure he would think she was a loon – but he believed her. He loved her and trusted her. If anything he was angry with himself for beating her when she tried to get back & that moment was a touching one. Touch me. Go ahead. I dare ya…

Ooops, sorry, I started to drift off

Ooops, sorry, I started to imagine…Nevermind…

You could even see in his eyes when he made a plan, while holding her… Then saying it would have been easier if she had only been a witch. Which.Was.An.Epic.Line. Delivery.  Just Saying. Really slow apparently. So you know how serious I am.

Then he wouldn’t have to do – what he was going to.

Yeah...me either.

Yeah…me either.

Then the man does it again.  I mean this girl is getting SPOILED. He finds the best ways to wake her up, like EVER!He has become the world’s best alarm clock.

I have to find these setting on my phone.

phone-alarm

#JAMMFdigital #JAMMForal – Dammit! All I have is vibrate. Not that that sucks in the all together. Oh well. Time to train the hubs. Shouldn’t be a problem. *snort*

Now…back to the sex scene that people said was dumped in for the sake of a sex scene. First if that was the case. We would have actually seen some full on SEX. We didn’t. We did however see a woman get gratified in a very sensual and intimate way. Jamie wanted to watch her. He wanted to remember her face, memorize how she looked while he loved her & how she felt as he held her in the palm of his hand. Now…for those who think he didn’t get any satisfaction from that? Ummmm…plenty of men get a great deal of satisfaction from watching the women they love have an orgasm especially when THEY are the reason they are experiencing it.  *GASP* Don’t think he didn’t get anything out of the deal.

OH…and remember when Claire said “we rode hard for several days”. Yeah…he might be a little sore from that experience.

double on tundra

Plus as one of the AB-Ootlander hubby’s (@tlmfarmgirl’s man) realized while watching the show w his teenage sons. This became a teachable moment. 3rd Base – And that is how it’s done!

The next day, he asks her if she is ready to go home…YES…she says but she thinks he is talking about Lallybroch NOT the stones.  It’s like he tricked her. She looks gobsmacked when she sees them. He looks gut wrenched. I admire the ability of ALL the actors on this show. Whether it be their eyes, their chins, their cheek bones, their lips or brows. They use their faces with such a great deal grace to act. It’s remarkable.

I, for one, love the way they played this. Jamie believed her heart & soul. No slapping the stones, ramming into them, no wanting her to go near them while he was there. Telling her to go & saying goodbye. Telling her there was nothing there for her save danger. In the book, it was needed, in the TV show. We need his undying belief. IN THE NOW.

But nothing being here for her…AHEM…THAT’S where you are WRONG buddy…World’s BEST ALARM CLOCK EVER! That’s SO something.

I have read the book obsessively and AGAIN I was yelling at my TV.  I KNOW what happens, still,  YELLING at my TV.  I am pretty sure I am going to need some pretty extensive therapy by time we go into the season finale. Who the hell at Sony Canada do I send this bill to? Buddy? You?

Turning into a pillow hugging therapy needin crayon eatin ...yeah...her

Turning into a pillow hugging therapy needin crayon eatin …yeah…her

Claire just sits in the circle of stones. No voice over. Just her and those big ole stones. We get a shot of Claire. Tears. Maybe sobs. Hers…mine….ours. UGH. Then she stands. A quick pan to the stones & the horrid noise that goes with them. BLACKNESS!

Ryan-Gosling-Oh-No-You-Didnt-Half-Nelson

Oh…No…They didn’t. PHEW!

I spy a campfire. I spy a worn face with tear tracks on it…awwwwwwwwwwwww!

ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER! Throw back to episode 1. Can you all crush my heart anymore? Oh wait. Yeah. You can. Take me home to Lallybroch – causes another tear to follow the track the other one left on Jamie’s cheek and he makes the sad but happy cry face.

DONE! Stick a fricken FORK IN ME! I. AM. DONE!

This Boston Pizza is beyond cooked...its burnt. Can't go on. Take me OUT!

This Boston Pizza is beyond cooked…its burnt. Can’t go on. Take me OUT!

Until next time anyway.

Don’t forget we live tweet with Showcase – the Canadian Network! Sunday nights. 8 pm MST #OutlanderCAN

SL -The ABOotiest of the ABOotlanders

* We also have all of the previous first season reboots as well as some special addition fun stuff. Check it out for some giggles.

10 times! You pricked my what with your what?

We have made it into the DOUBLE DIGITS my people! 10 Episodes in & wowsers numero ten-o was a TEN alright. This is a whole lotta awesome jam packed into one episode…I like it like that.

whose awesome

Everyone involved in the production of OUTLANDER! THAT’S WHO!

First they start the episode with a cockin of a pistol…uh-huh. I know most people missed that lil reference. Me however – I never miss a cocking. Then *phew*  was it hot in there or was it just me?

Girl...So hawt. Tres hawt.

Girl…So hawt. Tres hawt.

Claire. Claire. Claire. It seems…Wheaties ain’t got nothing on you. You. Are The Breakfast Of Champions! (Well at least one champion we all know & love) Breakfast-of-Champions Talk about starting your morning off with a bang. Oh wait…they didn’t quite make it that far did they? THANKS Murtagh!  Seems  Murtagh “SceneStealingEyeBrowRaisin’SexyTimeInterrupting” Fraser just does not know when to stop knockin so others can continue knockin.(boots that is). At least Jamie had the decency to finish the job he started before answering the door. Finished it diligently & thoroughly. According to the sounds  Claire was making, quite loudly. Those doors…must be pretty damn thick, or Murtagh hasn’t cleaned the shit outta his ears in quite some time if he didn’t pick up on her satisfactory tones. There must have been at least once in Murtagh’s life he encountered a very sexually satisfied woman, because he recognized pretty quick when he saw it laying in bed. He had the where with all to at least look a bit abashed at the interruption. That last all of about a microsecond.  Murtagh wastes no time! Being Jamie’s own personal town crier he let him know what was up. The Dink of Sandwiches…hmmm…nope…Dude of Boysaks…nope… Oh right. Duke of Sandringham,

This might help ring your Dukely Bell

This might help ring your Dukely Bell

(The last guess was pretty close -Just saying *ahem*) is in the area so now is the time to try and get Jamie off the hook for the murder of the English dragoon. That everyone knows Creepy Captain Jackoff Randall killed- not Jamie. Claire’s tingle factor has gone down substantially now that Murtagh & his eyebrows have entered the room. She has started hearing the chatter & remembering her previous life. She is not inclined to let Jamie trust Duke BootyHammer, no way no how! She lets the fellas know its because Creepy n Booty are in bed together…well…now there’s a thought isn’t it? *shudder* ancestor-sleep Jamie takes off w Murtagh to talk to Ned “iknoweverything” Gowan. At first he’s like “This is hopeless give it up”…but NO I am the great and powerful Neddie Can DO, I can fix anything you can screw up.  Murtagh of course just want to hand out a hanging. Why not? If one person would look good with a rope neck tie…it’s Creep Master General! Chances are he would be using it for something kinky though. Don’t digress like I just did, the visuals ARE disturbing. Claire, left to her own devices for a while means BIZNEZ! She is not letting Laoghaire leave nasty shit under HER bed. Nu-uh! At first Laoghaire “WHO ME?” MacKenzie plays blonde and pretends she has no idea what Claire is getting at with the ill wish but she can’t hold onto the mental stability table for long. One of the table legs give out from under her as soon as Claire says “He’s just not into you.”

tantrum

SNAP! Spoiled girl goes CRAYCRAY

That sends Loose Laoghaire straight over the castle walls and into the dismal mean girl zone. Declaring that Jamie is hers, always was hers & ONE DAY WILL BE AGAIN. Book fans all over the globe groan. Yeah…because we know she isn’t all that insane after all, is she now?  Then she hits Claire below the belt. Saying Jamie must have to get himself drunk in order to hit the sheets with her cold english ass. Claire does not take this lightly and bitch slaps her. Pretty sure I heard cheers all the way from my newfie friends.  Not sure why but Claire apologized – I thought a throat punch may have been more effective. Ummm…that was my outside voice wasn’t it? That’s gonna get me in trouble one day. Again.   Then just when Claire felt bad for smacking the spoilt wee nit, LooseLips Laoghaire keep flappin her gums & tells her the only “friend” in the world she has is the one that sold her the illwish in the first place. Way to go Geillis. How’s that knife feel Claire, buddy ole pal? Deep enough for ya?

Awww somebody just got hurt real bad. Not cool.

Awww somebody just got hurt real bad. Not cool.

Claire, never one to leave well enough alone, goes in search of Geillis. She finds F’arthur instead. In serious agony with rumblies in his tumblies. She passes along some medicine to his maid before he orders her to be gone. The maid however passes a little message to Claire that Geillis will be in the woods just before dawn if she really wants to meet her. Won’t be anything weird about that will there?

It wasn’t weird- per say. Mystical. Voyeuristic. Mesmerizing.  I couldn’t pull my eyes away. The wee squeaks, moans & panting sounds the witch was making…because no one in their right mind can deny it now. Girlfriend. She IS a witch. (If if dances like a witch, chants like a witch & blows smoke like a witch…it’s a damn witch). Honestly, I felt more dirty watching her with her arcorns than I did while Jamie was having his breakfast.

peek

So uncomfortable. Must watch!

That, my friends, is a stunning testament to Lotte VerBeeks acting ability. She KILLED that scene. Along with a few people…(that to come). I really enjoyed the editing as well, Claire seeing the druid dancers flashing back with Geillis. Cool trick bro.

The dialogue between Claire and Geillis after her ummm…summonsing was – entertaining. Acting like this was the most normal thing she could have been up to and Claire looking at her like. You KNOW you are cracked right? But…you’re my only friend…kinda…MAN I am SO desperate for friends I will even take the likes of YOU!

Geillis, thank goodness packed some clothes, I was worried she was going to contract a case of nipplitis that not even Claire could cure. In case you are wondering. Nipplitis. TOTALLY a thing. Serious condition here in Canada. Many women suffer from this, such a tragedy.alanis-morissette-humps-o

That coat she was wearing. Pure genius on the part of Terry & friends in the costume department. Read about it here. Super cool. She looks like someone who had just rolled off the crazy faery hillside. They mended all their fences, Geillis fed Claire some bullshit story that she didn’t know the ill wish was for her *cough* yeah right *cough*. Since she knew the illwish was a bunch of pussywillows & sticks all wrapped up with string, it didn’t matter at all to her anyway. It was just like when Claire gave the stupid little girl a vile of horse poop. You see, they are connected those two. They walk through the woods, they chat, or Geillis gossips, about Dougal, his ugly wife. Her words not mine. Gifts she has been given, their love, their baby.

Then we hear…a baby. They both hear it but only one of them cares.  3 guesses…first 2 don’t count! Claire wants to go to the crying baby & Geillis explains to her that its a Faery hill & even though SHE is the one dressed for the event, neither of them should go ANYWHERE near that damned hill! Those parents left that baby there on purpose so the faeries could give their healthy baby back that they stole from them & take that sick faery back. You know, weird shit like that.  Silly superstitious nonsense & Claire knew it.   Claire also knew the baby was just not thriving and probably could get better…maybe could. Geillis was like..”Screw You… after I just blew all that smoke up your ass about being my friend and how you could get me burnt at the stake…nope you are on your own – I am out! Later!”

Geillis's cat stunt double

Geillis’s cat stunt double

Claire, once again on her own & traipsing through the woods, lost & alone. She REALLY should stop doing this. It never ends well. Like. EVER.  She hears some ragged coughs a few gasps of breath…the crying stops. Never a good sign.  A few moments later closer to the top of the hill there is a huge tree w a small bundle. This just ain’t right. Nothing about this is right. She takes the bundle from the tree. We all know what she finds isn’t good. The baby is dead and there isn’t anything she can do for it. She does what we many would do. Sits down & grieves for it. drowning

More feels. They take over.  Then the man on the horse shows up. Jamie.  Damn, he rides in and so much becomes better. He speaks so gently to her.  Even though she holds such venom for the superstitions that have taken this babies life. Jamie was raised with them…he is able to explain it to her without sounding ignorant. Giving her comfort too. *BIG SIGH*  His voice & demeanor is like a massive HUG to the soul. JAMIE IS A SOUL HUG! I like it…I like it a lot. #SoulHugMoment.  My favourite part of this moment was when Claire looked in Jamie’s eyes and asked him to take her HOME.

home

We then we come to the reading & signing of THE DOCUMENT! The petition of complaint. You know the one. The one that will go down in history. Claire knows it, I see the hesitancy on her face because she knows how Frank pours over documents like this. As soon as her signature is there then…BOOM. So is she.

We get to meet the Duke next & surprise! Claire is doing stuff she shouldn’t be doing but OH she should. Sticking her nose in where it shouldn’t be…but OH it should.  Testing the waters so to speak.  This is because Claire is from another time.  No wallflower is she.  She is putting hers firmly on the table with the Duke.  Don’t screw with me dude! Your balls…are mine.

Considering he is used to dealing with men or boys…*ahem*…he isn’t quite sure how to deal with this one. So he hands over his set to her…for now. Let’s just say. ball collector

Back to the castle we go to watch one hell of a performance by Graham McTavish. Seriously Dougal. Go home…you’re drunk. Oh wait, you were home…kinda. Turns out, Geillis’s summonsing turned out to be pretty darned effective and Dougal’s wife caught a fever and boom, within days. Died. Dougal taken over by…not sure its grief or guilt got blithering drunk & went postal in the Great Hall.  Colum – is not a happy camper.  He sent out the fella’s to find Claire to mix up one of her sedatifs *wink* to settle him the hell down.angustoger

Dougal put on quite a show. Hollering & fighting anyone that got in his way. Crying about his poor dead wife, Maura, ummm…talking about how no one would have found her attractive – even a blind dude – but that she still didn’t deserve him. Yeah, point taken buddy. Angus, spry & smart, gathered up Claires sleeping potion. Enough to fell a horse apparently – cuz it did, into a bottle of port & gave cheers to Dougal’s dead wife encouraging Dougal to drink more, he did…then…TIMBER – down went the big man- not in the good way.  Only took 6 of ’em to carry him out of the hall.

Geillis & Claire meet in the courtyard. Geillis is giddy her handy work was effective. Claire is thinking shes crazy- it was just a coincidence & besides you still have a husband remember? We get the GeillisGiggle. Only…it isn’t very funny is it?

Back to the Duke’s. Look who is in trews? Yup, Jamie.  Our hero knows when he has to guard his back door doesn’t he?  I mean…sure Murtagh is there but you can never be too careful can you?

The tete & tete & tete between them was…interesting and down right comical at times. The Duke touching Murtagh, it was like you could see it on his face he wanted to go & wash in the nearest trough or punch him in the nearest throat. *snort*. Having Jamie take part in the dual with him as his second for his scrubbing of his back. GREAT way to implement the story & HAHAHA! LOVED it.

There has been sooooo much speculation in the fandom since that dual clip came out & EVERYONE knew exactly what it was of course. Naturally NO ONE knew…this was BRILLIANT. Again. LOVE what they did. Not because I HAVE to but because it was SMART! The way the Duke petted Jamie’s face…his reaction. This was just awesome.

murtagh

The Duke was apparently getting his fingers on everyone in the room 😛

SO much happened in the episode it was kinda epic really. The Great Hall was next & this is where…it didn’t take a summonsing. Geillis was done with F’Arthur. It was time his show came to a close…it was time for his grande finale!  It was a huge dinner in honour of the Duke and cyanide was F’Arthurs main course.  When he went down – Geillis pushed her chair back and let him – watched in silence – let Claire take care of business, pulled out a newspaper & cigarette…ok…maybe she didn’t do that but she sure looked disinterested those first few moments.

Everyone stood…agast…then she stood. She & Dougal made doe eyes across the crowded room. Over the foaming & dead mouth of her bloated body of a husband, a calculating Twistycone figuring out everything staring at them both…it was SO romantic!

Sarcasm_tbbt

SO MUCH SARCASM

Then…to the dual with the MacDonalds that Jamie has promised to be Dukie boys second for. It had to the be the most pathetic excuse for a dual like. Ever. Two what looked like old guys shooting blanks at each other. Then deciding to drink to it.  It was the – what comes after that make it interesting. 3 nasty little MacDonald boys with little man syndrome have to start measuring each others wieners verbally. Jamie goes and makes a bit of a mistake – throws a “Yo Mama” joke at them but TURNS his back on them. At least the wee twit who goes after him had the presence of mind to yell “Buggering Sodomite” at him before he struck. Bit redundant isn’t he?

eyeroll

buggers sodomize…sodomites bugger…yes…yes

Here we get to see Jamie’s AWESOMENESS with a sword…n…stuff. He took a beating but kept on tickin! Damn that was fun to watch! I don’t suppose Jamie will want McDonalds for a while. I felt the same after the last time I had it too. But then again, I’m a glutard.

macdonalds

That was pretty funny shit when Duke TailBetweenmyLegs Sandringham came running over telling Jamie, “Now make sure you let your wife know THIS wasn’t my fault! Here, let me take this petition and get it taken care of. Buh Bye Now!  You lay here and catch your breathe I’m going. I’m a big puss.”

Imma chickenshit

Imma chickenshit

Not that Claire cared whose fault it was. Silent treatment was given when he was being stitched up. Pretty sure she regretted that with what was to follow.

Twistylegs McTwisterson pissing all over EVERYONE! Holy CRAP…little man anger is very loud and big. No one was free of his ire. Dougal couldn’t even CRY to get sympathy…the little meany LAUGHED at him when he did. So BANISHED! He banished Dougal to his home. Go home to your dead wife. You can’t be here for your pregnant mistress cuz she is a witch & a temptress…no way you are marrying her. I will take care of that shit!  It is ABOUT TO GET REAL ‘ROUND HERE! Jamie…YOU are going too- without your wife. DON’T you talk or I will cut out that tongue you have become so good at using.

NOT the TONGUE!

NOT the TONGUE!

Seriously Twisty…that was going too far. Pulling the tongue card. How incredibly UNJUST! And for the record young Jamie…you will be BABYSITTING Dougal. You have displeased the wee king of the castle SO much by shedding McDonald blood without HIS permission, you are being punished too. WTG Jamie. So not cool.

Now, time for Jamie & Claire to say their goodbyes.  What’s the first thing Jamie says to her? STAY AWAY from Geillis Duncan because TwistyLegs plans on punishing her. STAY AWAY! BE CAREFUL. She says she will – but we know better.

She NEVER listens. Never. Never. Listens.

She NEVER listens. Never. Never. Listens.

So Jamie swallows her goodbye. *snort* Good one Dougal. Way to break up the feels. Real kneeslapper!

The tender loving moments between Jamie & Claire capture us now don’t they? *sigh* He rides off with her watching him. She tells him to come back to her “As soon as I can” he says and kisses her forhead. Collective FanSigh.

aww-gif

Next up…Tomas Tomas Tomas…sure he looks scared poopless but really kid. This woman saved your life & now you’re passing her this fake note to send her to Geillis? *sigh*

This is what our note would have said.

note

Claire confronts Geillis on poisoning F’Arthur, she is scandalized & completely out to lunch. Thinking Dougal will protect her. Yeah ummm, he’s gone. TwistyLegs, is the only one left & he kinda is the one with all the power and he wants ye burnt…like yesterdays toast.

penfield1 (1)

We interrupt this witch burning for a Canadian Heritage moment

 

Back to our regularly scheduled programming. G- know it now…You are hooped! And because Claire didn’t see our part of the note…the wardens get 2 sorceresses for the price of 1. WTG. You are going to have a fine time getting out of this one.

Then because the production is class A rubbing salt in the wound of Claire “can’t just suffer that much” Fraser. We have a lovely shot of the wee pot stirrer. Laoghaire. The person we ALL love to hate. Beautiful. Yet…she looks a wee bit different – Green about the middle somehow.

smirk

Claire sees her.  I think if she could go all hulk on those steel bars – she would.  Underestimated that one didn’t you?

See you all next time! Don’t forget EVERY Sunday we try to LIVE TWEET with our Showcase viewing. 8 pm MST. #OutlanderCAN

If you wanna play before the next blog – swing by our TWITTER. @ABOotlanders or leave a comment here. I will probably  reply. Eventually.

A bunch of us are heading down to The Expo in Calgary this week/end. It’s going to be FUN times. GRAHAM MCTAVISH people. That’s right. I will be attempting to touch him. #THUD

The end.

 

SL the ABOotiest of ABOotlanders

I reckon The Reckoning was JUST what the doctor ordered. Dr. Jekyll that is

Nuts_11

Get your nuts here. Real nuts. Actual Nuts.

Wow & wow. This episode pulled out all the stops & it seems to have split the fandom- which seems a little nutty to me.

First 1000 thank yous to ALL of those involved in the creation of this series.  I know there are people out there that make it their mission to pick everything apart, make fun of shit & feel it’s their given right to voice their very gnarly opinions. My truth is…we should feel privileged to have something to complain about.  I won’t because I am grateful to have it in front of my face in the first place. Being entitled isn’t my jam.

The Reckoning was all I could have hoped for – and even more.  It was from Jamie’s POV. BRILLIANT. Well played Mr. Moore n company. WELL PLAYED!well-played-445681

Not only because we got to hear his voice overs, lets face it…Sam Heughan’s voice is like  mozzarella fingers….smooth n melty melty melty.  It was a rock solid plan considering the parts of the story that were going to be told. I loved the opening scene, like a young boy, skipping rocks…just talk Jamie. Keep. Talking. Everyone else shut your damn mouth, Jamie is talking to ME.bunny love

Yes. Horrocks. Jerk feed. Shoulda beat his teeth in. Now-wee Willie Winky blow your horn. Really kid?  Is it really too much to tell the truth? You went for a piss did you? Nu-uh.  As demonstrated later on in the episode by Murtagh & Jamie, a piss only takes a few seconds.  You my friend went for a poop.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone poops. They even write books about it.  But poopin is for sure what you were doing, other wise Claire would not have had time to wander SO FAR to have found the stones & been caught by the dreaded redcoats and as I like to call him – Captain Creep Master General. That dude has some serious warped inner dialogue that transforms right to his features. Tobias, you are scary. In a good way. If that’s possible.

Off go the fearsome foursome to save the damsel in distress. Murtagh, Rupert, Angus & Jamie. These are four dudes you do not want to meet in a back alley somewhere. They took a whole garrison in one fell swoop! Murtagh and his nighty night cracks to the noodle. Which he is probably known for in the Highlands. “Och, yer havin trouble sleepin? Aye, go visit Murtagh…ye’ll not feel a thing”skull

Scaling walls with very iffy ropes! I mean come on Jamie, ya gave that thing a tug…it HARDLY seemed stable but SURE…we’ll go down it and take the chance of rope burning your balls to charred bits.ropeburn2

Blowing up barrels o’ pitch & beating the hell out of redcoats with muskets…and bashing that smug nasty sunnuva whoseit face off the desk.  Now that’s entertainment folks!

The dialogue between the 3 was entertainment in itself. Captain Creepy was showing off his fetishes a bit “want him to join us?” “Umm pardon excuse me”  Claire showing off her big ole medicine balls by threatening to cut off his. Ha.  That girl, she will not go down without getting her own in will she? I must say the ass Captain, did seem like he was pulling on her hair a bit rough. Dude, this is TV…calm your nuts a bit. Cait needs that stuff- its a part of her character.

Take a lesson from Gilbert...lighten up
Take a lesson from Gilbert…lighten up

People have to constantly be reminded THIS IS TV. Why didn’t Jamie kill BJR right there and then?  Well…consider this. That would mean Captain Creepy’s story would be over.  He would then-  create no more havoc. THAT’S JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE. Sheesh. Wentworth knows there is SO much more havoc to be caused.

DUH!

I keep hearing on the interwebs “That didn’t happen in the books.”  “They left that out” and sadly it’s usually attached to a tirade of whining.hearye

Hear YE Hear YE! How bloody bored would we get if it were EXACTLY how it were in the books? Seriously? Those of us who know the books…and yes…really know the books. Read them a dozen times or more.  We have seen them in our minds o’er and o’er again. The novelty, my friends, would wear off really bloody fast. Another thing…they wouldn’t translate to TV as nicely as you would romanticize in your head. Let the professionals take care of it and shhhhhhhh. Enjoy it. Let the changes be something new and exciting to add to the story you fell in love with. Not a take away.  Perspective people.

fireworks

The fight between Jamie & Claire on the way to Leoch was perfect. The fire, the intensity, the way they got into each others faces. Just like real people do when they are at their breaking points. I loved the way Claire kept jumping in front of Jamie, forcing him to face her & when he finally snapped, spit flying in her face. I sang Murtaghs knock out song “THANK YOU” to the screen because they pulled it off.  Then…Snap. Crackle. Pop. Goes Jamie’s wee heart.  He vowed to protect her and he just lost his shit all over the place. The whole day came crashing down on him and so did his heart.  Sam really didn’t have to recite the lines, his face said most of his dialogue for him. Yup….guts….out. SPLATTOOIE!

cecille-splat-o

Forgiven. Well…for that lil transgression anyway. Claire isn’t really prepared for part 2.

The highlanders play “ignore the Sassenach”.  Not even looking at her- acknowledging her existence in anyway.  Dammit…just when she got in good with them – and ummmm…they did just save her life. Whateves…*sigh*

tolerate me

We all knew what was next.  We all wondered just how they would handle this little piece of the puzzle. Some hoped they wouldn’t show it, some couldn’t wait to see it. The truth is, we all have this little thing called a personal viewing filter. It is made up of life experiences. It is made up of our every day. It is made up of how we process & perceive things. It is there because of how our lives were shaped. Guess what? WE ARE ALL RIGHT! DUN DUN DUN! I can not for one second argue with someone that has been a victim of domestic violence that their viewpoint has no merit. I can not for one second argue with someone who has been a survivor of sexual assault and healed has no merit. It is pointless to argue with someone who has logical facts about time, personal accounts and realism on their side. I refuse to get into debates with people about time periods & punishments because frankly, this is a story.  A story that Diana Gabaldon wrote and now was being made into TV. This scene, and others to come, are intricate parts of said story.  I believe they handled this one beautifully.bow-70s

It showed Jamie’s determination. His logic for his actions. It shows Claire’s no bullshit, not going down without a fight attitude & the spirit of the scene was just that.  Take your personal filter out of it for a moment, if you dare – see it for what it was. Character building & story telling.  My favourite part of that scene was Claire backing up like a cat in a cornerca & of course binging things off of Jamie’s head. Girlfriend has a wicked arm! She would be my first pick in a fast ball tourney. No doubt.

Back at Castle Leoch you would think from the reception things would be awesome. Seriously, everyone needs a Mistress Fitzgibbons in their corner…don’t they? What a cheering section!

9fitz

Biggest WHOOHOOS alright. Next to Laoghaire’s *snicker*

Have that follow you around all day.  Make someone feel like a million guineas.   I have to say…Colum really turned out to be a fun sucker though.  You want a party pooper? Invite old TwisteyLegs McTwisterson to the festivities. He’ll do it quick like.

The politics in the episode swept me away! I really which Harper would take some ball growing lessons from old Colum. Dude might be shooting blanks but he sure knows how to grow ’em.  The Jacobite cause is an underlying catch in the first book- with much more in DIA so I loved how they made it such a bone of contention here. It really makes the storyline come off the pages. When Dougal went on his tirade and dropped the bomb…you know…YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER all Maury Povich up in the house! I was like “Damn Guuuurl!”

oh-no-you-didnt-29

Having that be a power struggle with the MacKenzie men & within the clan itself was Grade A MacKenzie Meat Sandwich. Make a donair outta that and bring me two! It gave Jamie some much needed time to develope as one whose strategizes & lets others make the moves. It was a very Laird-Like moment for him, aiding Colum in mending that crack in the armour with Dougal.

I have to just say Murtagh, every scene he is in. He steals it for me. Scene Thief! Sound the alarm. Especially in the wood when the boys were putting a pounding on WeeWillieWinkie…and Dougal asked them were they with him.Murtagh went and hocked a loogie. That was a resounding “Up yers” wasn’t it?

middle-finger-gif

That brings us down by the river. Another scene which I am SO glad they added, even if as the time I was the WTF?! The more I thought about it, the smarter I thought it was. Some see this as making Jamie weak.  Are you serious?  Some see it as making him less honourable? Ummmmm…you be cray cray. Laoghaire…came down to his “secret place”- basically told him she has been stalking him since she was 7. Ok. That’s a bit more than a crush.  Jamie KNOWS that he didn’t dismiss her affections all this time. He is aware he got himself into this mess. He now needed to get himself out.I'm_outta_here!

When girlfriend pretty much disrobes and put his hand on the top of her bewb (thats how he says it) – all of a sudden the Outlander fandome expects Jamie to turn into INSTADICK. That he would rip his hand away & proclaim his love for Claire & break her heart at the ready. Let’s not forget. Jamie, is a man. (Well he IS a character..but I am digressing)…bewbies are warm….they feel nice…and they tend to make men stop thinking. Why you say? Because most men can supply oxygen to one head at a time and it took him a moment to get the blood back to the one he needed to be thinking with, and he did. He was letting her down as gently as he could because…he is a man of honour. The one everyone wants him to be. It’s because everyone hates Laoghaire and thinks she a nasty wench…she had done nothing up to THAT point to say she was, except try to get the man that she loved to be with her. With that Jamie was being kind & caring. You know, the kind & caring Jamie everyone wants him to be – but because so many hate Laoghaire- they want him NOT to be kind & caring with her.fdup

Remember, Jamie hasn’t read the books.   All I can picture is fans all over the world screaming at poor Jamie…READ THE BOOK! You are supposed to be perfect you regular piece of shit human! *snort*

read the book

Can we have make up sex now? PUHLEASE?  Jamie going back to Claire & their room, contemplating how he was going to get back into her…good graces.  Dude. Is. Good.  I am glad he did a little soul searching, he became a man in that room. Admitting that his relationship with her meant more to him than everything he had been taught since he was a lad.  I did have to giggle when he said this about Colum though. “I saw a rigid man bend” I shouldn’t have laughed but…ummmm the guy is bending starting at the ankles, it was an analogy that just…you know…ok. I will stop.

If you are going to break a steely girl heart, a good way to do it is pull out your dirk…and swear your loyalty to her.

love

The dialogue that took place after, right before they got into the HOT HOT HOT sex was perfect. Him asking if she wanted to live separately, her admitting she probably should but that wasn’t the way of it, then them coming together. Slight pun intended here. The intimacy that was displayed was intense & yeah, I might have felt a little voyeuristic but in a really good way. spongebob

I have heard some say this scene was like soft porn. Ahem. Folks. No. GO pick up yourself some soft porn – I know soft porn – this ain’t it.  This is however GOOD TV SEX! I would much rather see our couple actually coupling rather than looking like they are a soap opera sliding into bed and rubbing 2 sticks together. That is NOT Jamie & Claire sex like I read it…to be perfectly honest with you, neither is what they showed me. What I read- is full on pornography…I have a FANTASTIC imagination. What they pulled off in this episode was flipping brilliant. It looked like actually make up  sex! I laugh that more people didn’t freak about Claire pulling the knife on Jamie & threatening to gut him while she was riding him.  This of course was perfect timing on her part because any man will promise anything during an intense sexual encounter such as this. “New house babe? Sure…just don’t stop!”  “That new ring…YES! How many carats!? Keep going!”  It’s a fantastic power position. Ladies, start your engines & get a grip, being sexually empowered is a MUST.

Making our way to the last dramatic *GASP*.

dramatic effect

LAOGHAIRE DUNDUNDUN

The illwish.  That Jamie didn’t know it was Laoghaire in the books made me think he was a few fries short of a happy meal (in the books) but with the extra scenes in the show…of course he would know and right away.  I loved the dramatic effect they threw in for the show. This is ALWAYS necessary – it’s a) fun for audience b) it makes the scene pop c) it shows peeps this is important.  To play it off as not a big deal…people would be whiney about that.

TV shows need triangles.  I am really looking forward to what they do with Laoghaire.  Nell Hudson is fantastic. The Colum/Dougal/Jamie thing is fantastic.  I must say all the added bits, as a book fan get me all revved up!  I KNOW the books! I love the books, but they are the books. This is something new. BRING IT ON.

je suis

SL- the AB-Ootiest of all ABOotlanders (that mean I have the biggest arse) 

It’s a Droughtlander Mirage…Nope…Nope …It’s FREAKIN EPISODE 9! Right there on the horizon!

so excited elmo

That’s right my CanknuckleHeads…Episode 9 is right around the corner.  Yes we need to wait one day more than our American friends…but WHO THE HELL CARES?!  Showcase did it for us…YES THEY DID!  ONE DAY…not 2 weeks like last time.  They done cleaned the shit outta their ears and heard the fans. They have been picking up the pace lately. Wicked!

Did you ALL SEE THIS?  It is a contest put on by Showcase.  All you have to do is watch Outlander. Seriously…tough job man.  There will be a “secret word”, follow some simple instructions (You can dooooo eeet!)

tinafetzip

and some lucky son of a biznatch will win a trip to Scotland, a tour of SET & lots of other goodies…I mean FOR REALS! That is a HUGE step up from the $25.00 Subway gift card NO? WTG Showcase. Way to step up the game.

We know that Starz had a premature release of Episode 9…and usually women aren’t too fond of the premature release idea. However this time, our friends in the States went BATSHITCRAYCRAY on social media.  fangirlsing

Making the rest of us…slightly jealous. Suuuuuuure we are happy for them. Suuuuuuuuure.

Nope...Ain't even mad. Nu-uh. Happy for you bit...very good friends.

       Nope…Ain’t even mad. Nu-uh. Happy for you bit…very good friends.

Now, what to do while we wait the 30 some odd hours until Outlander returns to our screens.  I suggest drink heavily or sleep your way through it.  Pass the time anyway you can to shorten it up. You know, you can always watch your DVD’s on loop, all the special features until the Episode airs.  That’s a thing

You don't even have to put pants on

        You don’t even have to put pants on

You will see the @ABOotlander crew live tweeting with you each week. We use the hashtag #OutlanderCAN , come join us! The more the merrier. You don’t even have to be Canadian.  You can cue up your PVR & we will tell you where are commercials are.  Uh-huh…we have those.  I know.  It’s ok, you can use those to refill your drink or take a potty break.  So as you can see, w can make you an honourary one of us.  Believe me, you will LOVE the outfit!

pasties honour

See ya on the flip side!  18th century Scotland…here we come!

Heughliotslanguage_warning

SL – AB-ootiest of AB-Ootlanders