The Weight of Guilt. My ‘not a recap’ look into Ep05 of #Outlander. Perpetual Adoration.

Outlander continues the story with another fast-paced and visually interesting episode and the whole thing is POPPIN’ for me.¬† The combination of Perpetual Adoration’s softness and grit was something I found all together satisfying.

This episode was alive with undertones I could have chosen for this blog.  Normally I gravitate to what sits beneath the surface and give it a tug. This time guilt pulled at me from every corner.

Every human (who is not 100% psychopath) is familiar with that feeling. No matter how righteous, how good or well-intentioned we may be, we’ve all felt guilty about something.¬† Guilt is shown in different ways, as we saw in our characters and we know by looking at ourselves, honestly.

The story of one man’s death encapsulated the episode for Claire. There was a heaviness she carried when Graham Menzie’s died, which spurned her actions to head to the UK and interestingly enough, into the past.

She, of course, couldn’t have predicted his death as all precautions had been taken.¬† We can’t count on logic to keep guilty feelings at bay, the gut/brain connection just doesn’t work that way.

Plenty of us sit with those feelings. What could we have done? If we had only…the should’ves, could’ves and would’ves that we think may have changed the trajectory of what might have happened.¬† We hold them over our heads with guilt because we didn’t take the actions that we have had all the time in the world to contemplate after the fact.

It’s really unfair, this game we play. No one ever wins. We can replay as many scenarios as we want, that particular moment has passed. We humans need to learn how to forgive ourselves as fast as we have taught ourselves to take on unnecessary guilt.

When Claire was speaking to Joe, it was apparent. She blames herself for getting attached to her patient and like a good friend, he smacks her with a reality check.¬† Our lives would be much less complicated if we cut ourselves a break, especially with those things that we can’t control. Particularly after the fact.

Pain is to the body as stress is to the mind, and guilt is to the spirit.

One of the characters I have come to truly love is Brianna. In her, I see the combination of the above quote so clearly, especially in this episode.

She literally feels her guilt, whether it is something we believe she should be feeling, she does. When something is said to her that strikes her deep, she folds in on herself. It’s as if something knocks her in the belly. Next time you watch, you will see Bree react physically to the words that connect to those feelings if you hadn’t picked up on it before. (Kudos again to Sophie Skelton for making those subtle yet strong notes for the character)

Ofttimes when we feel guilt it isn’t because we have done something against someone intentionally.¬† We end up in a space where we see our choices, as innocent as they may have been, caused pain to someone when we didn’t intend them to.

Bree’s guilt comes from not telling Roger the truth about the visit with Bonnet and all that came with it because it was a lot. Did she have good reason to not tell him?¬† Yes. Did the guilt gnaw at her? I think that was apparent.¬† Unburdening ourselves of the things we feel guilty about doesn’t always make us feel better though.¬† That, my friends, is life. Guilt causes internal pain because it’s messy and complicated. As with all other hurts, it takes time to heal.

Bree’s regret was evident. Telling Bonnet he was Jemmy’s father was something she now wished she could take back. She thought he was going to die and take her words with him.¬† Since he didn’t, she now must live with him knowing this information she doesn’t want to be true. More often than not, with regret comes guilt. It’s painful seeing her go through this as Brianna deserves to be free. SunnuvaBonnet has done nothing to deserve all the space he takes up in her world.¬†

How much guilt should we feel when we do something we know is wrong?¬† Is there a scale? Should others tell us the appropriate amount of guilt we should exhibit by the level of our misdeed?¬† Also, should we project that guilt for everyone to see?¬† If your neighbour knows you did a baaad baaad thing – do you make sure you look really guilty or do you walk around like you haven’t done a damn thing?¬†

We are now talking about Jamie.  He obviously did a pretty bad thing by killing Knox. Did he have a good reason? He thinks so (I agree). He was going to be handed over as a traitor to the Crown, likely hanged and his family/those on the ridge removed to frig knows where. It was kill or have everyone you love scattered three sheets to the wind AND be killed. 

Jamie is no stranger to the murder game. He started his career as a ‘bloody man’ pretty young in life. He killed his own uncle when Dougal caught him being a ‘traitor’.¬† Traitor might be Jamie’s trigger word. Call him that, he is going to turn off your lights for you.

He has killed his fair share of men in the service of protecting his family and his beliefs.¬† Does he feel guilt for it?¬† I don’t think he feels great about it however, I think Jamie compartmentalizes it. Guilt does exist for him but it’s the guilt he uses as penance. He knows what he needs to feel in order to pay for what he has done.¬† It is a logical pain that he carries with him. Will he show it the same way that Brianna/Claire/Roger does? No, because he married this particular kind of guilt early in his life. If he allowed it to affect him with great waves of emotion it would stop him from doing the things he needs to do. We don’t always need to see someone’s guilt to know they carry it. We only need to know they are a decent human being.¬†

There are plenty of us out here that have done things, admittedly on a smaller scale than, you know, murder, that we keep close to the vest. We know that our guilt may be the price we pay for the action, the secret or the lie.¬† That is ultimately our choice and it isn’t always a bad thing.¬†

People may like to believe the only way to be a good human is to be 100% honest with everyone and share exactly how we feel at all times.

That isn’t the most fitting method for everyone. Once and a while, the best people keep their mouths shut and what they are feeling to themselves. It’s almost a superpower.¬†¬†

Ultimately, we determine the weight of the guilt we carry. We can also bring in someone to help us lug it around just by talking about it.¬† It doesn’t have to be someone involved. It can be anyone to help us take a load off for a while.¬† ¬†

That is why Claire had Joe, Brianna had Roger and Jamie had Adso. I mean, that kitten was pretty conveniently placed, wasn’t he?

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Adso, Jamie’s immediate emotional support animal.

And you…me…we have each other. Many of us are spending much more time at home these days so I encourage you to check out other points of view about Outlander. I find other’s views of the show fascinating, especially when put together in a way that is respectful to others and spoken from a place of sharing. These are some of my favourite people who do this in the land of the interwebs, check out their websites/blogs/vlogs/chats.

Outcandour gives a brilliant, deep dive into the episodes. There is always something about the way she dissects the episode that resonates with me. I don’t tap into the same spaces she does, I end up reading them twice. I ALWAYS end up watching the episode after reading her blog, I then read it again after watching. It’s like a loop! So if I seem dizzy, blame it on T. ūüėė

Beth’s recaps/reflections are very different from my ‘not recaps and I love them because of that. So well written and I adore how she explains her views, helpful for those who see things from other perspectives. To me, that is the point of sharing our thoughts, not to be an echo chamber for people who agree with us but to help one another stretch a little.¬† Not necessarily to change people’s opinions but to have them see things from another person’s lens. I get to do that a lot with Beth and I admire her.

Erin from Three if by Space¬†covers so many great shows so Three if by Space will keep you busy if you want busy. It’s her reviews of Outlander that I read most of course. I don’t read many reviews bc as you all know, I’m a happy finder. I want happy happy happy, even though Erin doesn’t pull any punches in her reviews, she writes with integrity. I don’t always see eye to eye with her (not just cuz she’s tiny…she IS tiny) but that isn’t the point. She expresses herself with honesty and isn’t a dick about it. I really enjoy smart people. So…I enjoy Erin, very much.¬†

Blacklanderz ~Vida puts together some wicked conversations, in print, between members of the Blacklanderz community. I find them fascinating. Not only do I see things from more than one perspective but I often learn things. I don’t claim to be anything other than who I am. I am a middle class, privileged, white woman. That is the lens I see through. Do I try my damned best to listen and be an ally to POC? Yes. Do I always get it right? Nope! Sitting with the community that Vida has created here, is pretty damned impressive.

Courtney and Company, from Outlander BTS. Oh, they make me smile.¬† They are another group of really friggen smart women that get together to talk about the episodes. I don’t always agree with them but holy shit, do I respect them. The beauty of their video discussion is they don’t always agree with each other and like the adults they are they keep the discussion going. I’m not relegating anyone here…Courtney has the most adorable dimples to go with her delightful brain, you just get the best of all the goodness.

I know there are many others, if you have a favourite, please add them to the comments. I think it would be nice to support one another in our Outlander adventures rather than get all wrapped up in things that might not bring us joy. The world is going all kinds of everything out there – we know it, we are doing what we can to stay healthy- maybe this will help us stay sane(ish).

Be well – virtual hugs…6 ft apart eh?

Sher xo

Don’t forget to live tweet with us Canadians while watching W Network at 7pm MST, using the hashtag #OutlanderCAN

 

 

 

 

Plan B. Freedom & Whisky in the memes.

I had a delightful blog outlined and ready to roll when my face fell off.¬† Ok… not the whole thing but half of it.¬† ¬†I have the lovely facial paralysis called Bells Palsy.¬† The week leading up to the final bell ringer was poop…serious poop…so I’m taking the easy way out.

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I decided to simply go back into my Live Tweet Feed and give you time in my brain.¬† No worries, its short, silly and all round ridiculous.¬† You aren’t supposed to think or feel.¬† Just mind numbingly come along on the silly ride train I have loaded up.

aaaaaac

Our opening scene is Claire being her badass self. As per. 

aaaaaad

This group could not look anymore bored if they tried.¬† Which I enjoy cuz…me+school = THAT

aaaaaae

That moment of a lecture you know you still dont give one shit…or two.

aaaaaaf

They had ALMOST as much garland in that house as mine did when I was a kid.  It was like a sparkly tinfoil monster had its way with everything!

aaaaaag

Mmmmmmm….resin.

aaaaaaho

Some of the best advice uttered.  Make your own fate people. #JoeFresh #theMan

aaaaaahp

Drink together, share secrets, rinse, repeat. 

aaaaaahz

Gotta love it when your friends see the drape fall. 

aaaaaai

Claire knows a lot of the things…drinking…definitely top 5.

aaaaaaj

Its always better with friends. 

aaaaaaja

It’s all the same. Girls with spirit.¬†

aaaaaak

It really is a skill she has. 

aaaaaal

Dem bonz…dem bonz¬†

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Our Roger is just too perfect for words.  Beardiful is a good one though. 

aaaaaan

So many choices….good thing we have YEARS to play them out.¬†

aaaaaao

Ok, maybe Candy’s practical joke game was off.¬† Oh…Sandy…aheam

aaaaaap

Its such a shame when people can own their own shit. 

aaaaaaq

Let’s be fair…every forecast…every day.

aaaaaar

Of course she can sew….don’t be silly

aaaaaas

The 80s floating head picture…thats what I saw…touching still.¬†

aaaaaau

BOOM! There she is.  Loved this transition SO SO SO much

aaaaaav

If you did not turn into a big pile of goo…you are dead inside.

aaaaaaw

All the feels…allofthemall

aaaaaax

That’s ok Claire.¬† You are a doctor…you can put him together again.

Thanks for playing folks.

Take care of you and BE KIND!  Join us on twitter #OutlanderCAN Рwatching each week on W Network.

Sher

AKA ABOtlanders Founder

Doctor Joe is now taking patients. ABOotlander Sher, chats with Wil Johnson.

Outlander fans have welcomed Wil Johnson into the family as he stepped into the role of loyal friend and confidant, Dr. Joe Abernathy.

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In the books, I loved Joe’s smooth and confident character. He was an equal to Claire that is rarely portrayed in the era they met. ¬†In my mind, he was a butter voiced Sydney Poitier. ¬†Without sounding too sucky-uppy – Wil Johnson fit the mold perfectly. ¬† I anticipated seeing him on-screen more than other supporting characters because of my perception of him as Claire’s partner in crime in the 20th century. ¬† We all need our “person”. ¬†The one we can lean on, hold up, share the tough stuff with and Joe, was Claire’s person.

When I started following Wil Johnson on twitter I noticed his genuine humour and positive outlook about being enveloped into the Outlander Universe. ¬†I am sure it can be daunting to all of a sudden be “loved” by so many random strangers – however, he handled it with grace. ¬†Sharing his kindness with no strings attached.

I wanted to know more about this man who earned the role as Dr. Joe so I asked if he would do a Q&A…he graciously agreed. ¬†We tweeted ridiculously funny GIFs at each other – this is a contract in the world of social media.

Sit back and enjoy “THE” Wil Johnson brought to you by “THE” ABOotlanders

You don’t even have to look closely to see that Wil is not a one trick pony.¬† I am not sure how this man finds the time but his list of awesome is a long one.

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See…there’s lots there

He sings, dances, acts and DJs РI mean I am tired thinking about it all.  When you present it all together for him, Wil sounds surprised he does so much.

WIL: WOW! That is a lot! lol…To be honest, I get enjoyment from all of them in equal measure. They all require a different skill set and each area has to be mastered with time, consistently and discipline. When you get it right, that feeling of satisfaction is unfathomable. But if I was to pick one that slightly edges the others out…it would have to be DJing! I say DJing because it’s the only discipline in which it’s all about you..two decks and a mixer. What you do directly in terms of manipulating the music, how you mix the tracks, directly affects how people will respond immediately. INSTANT GRATIFICATION!!! LOOOOL!!!

Want to hear some of 1LWil’s mixes?¬† CLICK HERE FOR THE SICK BEATS¬†I’m trying to be cool obviously, Wil on the other hand just is. Where Dr. Joe is calm and cool, Wil…just cool.

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WIL: Right now I’m putting together a playlist for a new Mix I’ll be bringing out on MIXCLOUD which will be Deep House & Soulful House combined…Two of my favourite genres of music!

We all have that favourite band – Wil’s is Earth, Wind & Fire – you know,¬† in case you didn’t think he was cool already.

As if all of the previously mentioned talents weren’t good enough for you, the man cooks as well.¬† His favourite meal to put on the table?

WIL: As the Son of Jamaican parents, my favourite signature dish is ‚ÄėStew Chicken with Rice & Peas!!!‚Äô

We can’t give away his recipe but if you thought to yourself…damn…that sounds good.¬† HERE you go. Gotta love the YouTube.

I think it is a prerequisite for any friend of Claire to be good behind the bar.¬† Dr. Joe makes a mean martini¬†Wil on the other hand…

WIL:I serve a mean Rum & Coke on the rocks!!!! LOOOOOL!!!!

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…because Wil made me a drink…

Wil is a dad. That might not seem too unusual – however, he is the dad of 7…count ’em…7 children.¬† I see a recurring theme in Wil’s life. If you are going to do something – you might as well knock it outta the park!

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Just. Like. That.

WIL: The most important aspect of being a Father for me is ‚Äėbeing there‚Äô for your children and encouraging them in all their endeavours. Always telling them you love them and as much as you can, do things with them. Children must feel that you are their ‚ÄėROCK‚Äô that safe place of peace, truth and balance‚Ķ

We either parent how we were parented or go rogue.¬† Considering what he is most proud of overcoming, I will say, Wil’s mom was his role model.

WIL:Living without my Mother who died 26 years ago. We were extremely close and she was my biggest fan and supporter of my work.

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A mothers love.

Wil is quite popular in the UK, having worked on many TV shows. Waking the Dead, Babyfather¬†and Emmerdale–¬† to name a few. Joe Abernathy is Wil’s first american role. I was curious just how long he had to wait before hearing that he earned his role.

WIL:It was around a month before I heard I’d been booked to play Joe Abernathy….A LOOOOONG MONTH!!! LOOOOL!!!!

I wasn’t surprised to learn¬† Wil hadn’t read the Outlander books.¬† I mean, come on, you saw a glimpse in the day of Wil Johnsons life…I would say there wasn’t time to read the tomes.¬† “I work off the script and what eventually ends up there.”¬†¬†This shows us how dedicated the writers are to keeping the soul of the book alive in the characters being portrayed on-screen.¬† Oh, and how well the casting department has done their homework.

We know Joe Abernathy wasn‚Äôt the most popular guy in medical school ‚Äď like Claire, he was pushing through preconceived notions and boundaries that had been placed in his way. ¬†The era itself was well represented, even if it was uncomfortable for us to watch.¬†¬†¬†Wil lets us know how important it is to break down those boundaries.

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It might not be that easy…but it IS that impactful

WIL: It was an honour. When one has the opportunity to play such a role as Joe Abernathy, you feel like an Ambassador…meaning, this role portrays positive aspects of our human nature and can be looked upon as a beacon or symbol of what is good, fair and decent in human beings. Joe for me ticks all those boxes and I felt a duty to live up to that.

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And so you did

Wil is a very dedicated actor, you can tell, his favourite book being Year of the King by Antony Sher. It is a glimpse into the world of an actor honing his craft.

Outlander is a huge production. Fans are constantly in awe of the what is put in front of them on-screen.¬† I have always wondered how the actors respond to this “world”.

WIL: The attention to detail in every aspect of production. When I was on set, I felt I WAS in the world of Outlander… for real…..

Joe Abernathy isn’t seen regularly in the books, however he is one of the characters that has a regular presence. Popping up throughout the books as a touch stone for Claire’s life in Boston.¬† I was curious if we will be seeing Joe again, once Claire heads back into the past.

WIL: I don’t know what the future holds in store for Joe. If they continue with this character in some shape or form I would be very happy about that.

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Joe is one of the very few people who knows Claire well. What do you think Joe thinks of this woman he befriended?

WIL: Joe truly admires Claire and is in awe of her strength. Joe draws inspiration from Claire in that respect.

I envision Caitriona Balfe having some of Claire’s traits.¬† I have a hard time imagining actors can play roles with such conviction and believability unless they have some sort of relationship with the character they are portraying. I asked Wil what he saw in both of these incredible women? (one real, one fictional)

WIL: Drive..Passion..Tenacity…

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Who me???

Speaking of relating to the character,  what does Wil say he and Joe might have in common?

WIL: Joe Abernathy and Wil Johnson are TRAIL BLAZERS!!! We both strive to change perception by our actions….

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We all have shows we love, our readers wouldn’t be here if they didn’t.¬† I am always curious as to what others are watching. I love shows from the UK and feel us Canadians miss out on some great ones because of that silly Atlantic thing.

WIL: G.O.T!!!! GAME OF THRONES!!!!!!!!! THAT IS MY SHOW!!!! Not sure what you might have missed out on….hmmmmm…Emmerdale???????

The following video was made during Wils 2 year stint as Dom Andrews on long running British soap opera,¬† Emmerdale. (This may or may not be the video I watched to see if he had the “Joe” voice I imagined. It was and he did)

Us ABOotlanders always love to know of Canadian connections. So, I asked.

WIL:Canada is on the list of places to visit for my Wife and I. Also I have family who live there so it would be nice to see them.

Let me suggest Alberta to the Johnsons.  They now know they have a tour guide if needed.

If you have read any of the chats here on the ABOotlander Blog, you know our Signature question.   Wil was not left out.

“If you were to visit us ABOotlanders in Alberta, Canada and someone offered you the following:

  • Moose droppings

  • Beaver tails

  • Prairie oysters

  • Taber corn

Which would you choose‚Ķand why?”

WIL:   I don’t know any of them but I would say Moose Droppings!!!! Sounds the most interesting…..Loooooool!!!!!!!!!

Interesting is right Wil.  Moose Droppings are delicious!

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They look like the real thing(ish) but don’t taste like them. I think…¬† ¬† I have never eaten the real thing.¬† Really.

The exciting Wil Johnson/ Joe Abernathy news is we’ll get to see¬† more of Dr. Joe Abernathy is Episode 5 “Freedom & Whisky”¬† HERE is a sneak peek of Joe…showing you exactly why I think Joe is kick ass.

SherryLynn aka Sher (ABOotlander Founder)

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