Wouldn’t you know I had to go away while Rent was airing on Showcase the Sunday before last. Do you know what is cool about that?  Teamwork!  We ABOotlanders stick together like maple syrup on a 10 yr olds chin. Fellow admin and all-around fabulous human, Tammy @tlmfarmgirl took over our Twitter page.  Girl is touched. I say that with all the love of a cousin sister a girl could.

Rent opens with the MOST beautiful scene we’ve had the pleasure to lay our eyes or ears on thus far (keep in mind, we haven’t seen Jamie’s ass). Claire recites a poem – John Dunne is credited with it – however – it has been said John Hoskins was the original writer. *shrug*  That’s why I didn’t credit the quote…because I don’t know for sure. Maybe “I” wrote it?

We meet Ned right off the shoot. What a wonderful wee manny he is. Charming really. Jumped right out of the pages of Diana’s book and into my heart. The men are being juvenile wads and breaking in young Willie. Teasing him about doing it with his sister…you know, keep it in the family and all that. He doesn’t seem inclined to think they are funny.

Lawyer Ned, is a wheezy bugger but Claire cures him with some pot aka “thornapple”…good for the lungs apparently…worked like a dream on Wheezy McWheezerson.

We head off onto the road, but there is no road. The highlanders sing songs about grinding corn and I am 100% positive they aren’t talking about the vegetable, not our good ole Taber kind. Nope. Dirty dogs

The mental wee ones decide it is time to play a game of “No Girls Allowed!”

We can tell Claire tries to play along until they start hitting below the belt with rudedom and go ahead to start making jokes in Gaelic. Dammit…hard to laugh at what they are saying when you know damn well they are making fun of your ever expanding bum roll.

Angus thinks he is being generous by bringing her over an anorexic bunny to snack on but all their bullying ways have cost her to lose her appetite.

There were so many complaints going out in the Twitterverse and Outlander World in general about the lack of Jamie & Claire time.  There is so much story building to be done, I felt that the time they did have – was poignant. The placement was well thought out.  He comes to her the first time to make sure she doesn’t take the wankers bullying to heart.  She pouts a bit and he tells her “Hey now…you’re the one that tried to run off. Only idijts would leave you to your own devices.”  Claire knows what Jamie said is the truth so she and her bum-roll go for a stroll!

They set upon their first wee village to collect the rents n such. Taking goats, chickens, money and live pigs. Even though Ned didn’t want no stinkin pig! He got it anyway. We really should know better than to set ourselves up like that.

Claire gets bored and wanders away. NOT CLAIRE!  She gets distracted by the singing coming from one of the shacks and lo n behold. Its a book club. No, its a pajama party. No, its a choir practice…Nope- its wool waulkers. Yes…they play in pee. You heard me right…not just any pee but hot out of the urethra pee!

The scene itself is pretty cool…till you remember they are elbows deep in wool – wool covered in piss. I get itchy n gaggy just thinking about it.

There can NOT be an episode where our Claire does not get her drink on. No sir. This girl’s “check liver” light has yet to go on. Impressive.  The ladies keep their booze stored where the men can’t find it. I am guessing so they don’t give THAT away for rent either. Smart bunch of piss slingers they are.

Just as Claire is about to make her donation to Piss Is Us...Angus comes barging in because he has been looking ALL OVER GODS CREATION for her.  Yeah, she was 20 feet away but whatever.  Road Angus is an angry Angus.

He clearly wanted to knock her out but Angus knew better. I think it’s clear this Sassenach could beat the shite out of him or at least turn him into a magpie.  Drunk Claire causes ALL sorts of chaos, she tries to give back the goat money- fights with Rupert & Dougal when…DUN DUN DUN! An English gentleman comes out of the woodwork…like literally out of the woodshed to ask after her well being.  He is convinced Claire is in trouble so this isn’t the last of him but he leaves all butt hurt.  DUN DUN DUN – he then puts on that fancy redcoat of his.

This is where we sneak off to the tap houses where Dougal goes off on a Gaelic tangent. Claire thinks that he and Ned are pilfering money and using Jamie’s poor scarred back as clickbait.  She is doing the bunny hop to each conclusion and coming up on the wrong side of the rabbit hole. Enraged Dougal+money+ English flogging victim = Funding the Jacobite rebellion, ye wee besom. Come on Claire…it was SO obvious. If you read the book of course. Much less obvious for everyone else…I got ya.

We go through numerous stages of her assumptions. Ned plays into her hands like a parent trying to teach their child a lesson.  She even makes Angus so mad he pulls a knife on her. Call HIM a thief will she? (Raiding the Grants for cattle doesn’t count because they do that for shiggles) Jamie once again tries to give her crazy curly head a shake.  Claire knows he is right but she still gets twisted into knots. She doesn’t GET what is happening so we shouldn’t judge…Judging is bad bad news. Well unless your Judy…then it makes your ass rich.

Claire finally clues into what Dougal & Ned are up to. Raising funds for the Jacobite cause. We has a FLASHFRANK where she proved she knew just more than a little about the fate of the poor Scots that get involved. It gives me a serious case of the feels. I love Bear McCreary’s music here. He puts the title song in there when her little “idea bulb” goes off over her head. Well played, sirs!

Dougal n Jamie are bickering in the woods, Jamie telling him to stop ripping off his damn shirt already! Dougal calls him a sweet lad – but no, bro…as long as you are with me, I will show off your back all I like. You know Dougal McSideEye, as long as you show off his front at the same time – I do not object. Let that go on record eh?

Jamie is left on his own to beat wood. Hey hey now…he’s punching his timber…sex jokes are not funny! Cum on people.

Jamie and Claire have another moment of casual intimate eye sex. These are the moments that some of the more ummm “testy” fans seem to forget or think just aren’t enough for them.  They want the Jamie & Claire Secks Show…well folks, hate to break it you but even in the books there is more to the story. I will likely die on this here hill… it’s the TV show. TV shows need adaptation, even 16 hours is not enough to fit each conversation, each glance, each roll in the heather or each thing you think needs fitting. Ever try and put a marshmellow in a keyhole…yeah, like that.

I digressed! *GASP*

The next day, Claire is all “Bloody hell, I really like these guys and they all are gonna die in this stupid war that is going to come and wipe them out!”  They pass a couple of poor Scots nailed on X’s and now Dougal has something else to enrage the folks in town about. Stinking Sassenachs…but not you Claire…you don’t stink. On the other hand, she hasn’t had a shower in a while – she probably stinks a bit.

Bedding down in the inn and Claire hears a ruckus in the hall. What does she find lounging outside her door? A lovely little highland lump of manly goodness under his plaid at her doorway. *COLLECTIVE SIGH*  WHY was he there? There were a bunch of drunks (she knows drunks) downstairs and he didn’t want them buggering her.

 It was a sweet wonderful from the book moment…with lots n lots of

I would have forced the wee bugger into my room…but I’m a hoooor like that.

We know our Claire, she can’t keep her mouth shut worth a damn so the next morning while having a nibble with Ned she just has to talk about how this cause they are fighting for is already lost. They think you are an English spy dork…STOP YAMMERING. Off to the side, some loud mouth is obviously saying things Claire can’t understand but the rest of the Highlanders do (but not Jamie…he is out feeding the damn horses).

AAAAAAND

OK…highlanders beating the crap outta other highlanders is super hot.  They need THAT done in a ring. *Growl*  We all come to discover that the rent collectors were fighting over Claire’s honour. THEY can call her a hooor & smelly Sassenach but no one else can byjeezus.  Claire. Is. Speechless.  Someone take a picture!

Our episode ends with more feels from Claire. These guys really caught her heart – they go and take a walk through Culloden Moore. We get a FLASHFRANK here. She walked the same walk before. This time, seeing the faces of those who may very well die there, 3 yrs from this moment.

Dougal lets her go wash up without her bodyguards…only to follow her and question who she is – AGAIN. THEN…THEN…Remember the wee english boy redcoat dude? He’s baaaack and he brought his friends. They want to know if Claire is there by her own free will or being held captive.

And such this is why I am doing a 2fer, you don’t have to wait to find out what happens. Even though, let’s face it, I know most of you probably have. I’m not living in a bubble of ignorance – I’m Canadian. Two different things.

The ending of Rent was the first of what I am sure will be many cliffhangery (It’s my word, put a cork in it) endings. Yes, even though this particular scene wasn’t in the book, we know she goes back w the English but it’s the suspense of the how that makes this fun. This is WHY I love an adaptation.  They are taking something I love. Know inside out, backwards, upside down and they are making it new for me but they are giving me glimpses of the things I love. Book moments shining through.  All readers are different and some book moments mean SO much to one, the other just glazed over it. I read blogs or posts on “How could they LEAVE that part?”- sometimes the part to me wasn’t as epic as they might think Or “They totally lost the essence of that scene doing it that way” whereas others might think the TV adaptation makes total sense. Each person comes from their own perspective, I respect that.  Those who live from a critical eye perspective should also respect that I AM LOVING THE SHIT OUTTA THIS.

Meh, I’m Canadian not opinion-less

Now we move onto Episode 6. The Garrison. The Episode that if awards were given out for sheer brilliance in acting – we would have a sweep! Oh wait, there are – I smell EMMY…she smells nothing like bacon but whateves.

My views & commentary on this episode are pretty much. Ummmmm. It’s not the easiest episode to watch, yet…it is one of the hardest to tear your eyes from. You know what they say about train wrecks. Yeah. Like that only with really amazing beautifully talented people acting like the trains.

We open with Claire thanking the redcoat very much but the McKenzies are her friends. Get along. He however thinks…NAH…my boss hasn’t seen a woman in like forever. He figures if he only gets a good look at one, he will keep his hands off my hairy arse. At least that was my husbands inner/outer dialogue once he met Lord FancyPants. (Again, his name…though I liked it enough to use it)

Yes, Lord Fancypants is definitely NOT trying to make any friends. Dougal calls him a smout, I am prone to agree with him. I found this scene pretty fun. You could see despite Claire being back with her “people” she was feeling a disconnect. I thought Dougal’s side-eye was going to go straight back to his brain. BOY…He does that just as good as any Mom out there.Dougal’s almost ready to gut someone after being made fun of for both his speech and dress. Claire tells them all to behave themselves – children! PSH! Dougal tells them to eat their scraps, he’s off to drink some REAL beer. See?! This is why Dougal drives ME to drink (I will use any excuse handy – Dougal is todays) One day he is calling you out as a drunk in public, next he defending you and whispering in your ear…MAN! Stop with the dual faces. No wait…don’t stop…I love when you drive me crazy(er).

Plus…Lord Fancypants couldn’t see past the boner in his pants to know what EVERYONE else in the world knew. Claire is a liar liar pants on fire. Yes! I know she couldn’t tell them the truth but the whole glass face thing…so on it! Claire feels safe, her story bought and like she will be heading back. BADABINGBADABOOM…Claire does what Claire does, she says “In that case, I will have more wine!” Aw, who are you kidding Claire? You would have had more if they said no.

Wouldn’t you know that as soon as she feels comfortable…the burlap sack dress of men comes waltzing in getting dust n boogers all over everyone’s wine. BJR is baaaaaaack!

No matter how good Sam and Cait are at the Eye Sex- Tobias is pretty much master of his own domain when it comes to Eye Wars…and starting them.  Cait is a bloody good match.  That first scene with them in TGC, they didn’t need words. They kept shooting the daggers with their eyes. Well played!

aaaaaand, what has the problem with Claire been? She likes to talk. She is a woman of the 20th century- and one that isn’t to be trifled with. BJR threw out the bait – and we watch.

*sigh*  It never fails. Claire gets herself into hot water by opening her big ole mouth and BJR is all GOTCHA! I betcha he wishes he had an Easy button from Staples right about now.  He’d be pushin that damn thing all over the place!

We take a quick break so EVERYONE can leave the dining area upstairs and Claire can help hack off an arm. All while people are sitting there having a beer. Some poor sot is laying on the table with his flesh n bone hanging all over. The surgeon takes out his icky dirty saw and starts well…sawing.

I can see the review on YELP right now

Back upstairs Claire goes, fully expecting to be back with the people who are sending her to where she wants to go. Nope. Instead, we are greeted with a shave. BJR getting one that is, by Shakey MacShakerson. Who doesn’t want him to just slip across that jugular and be done with it? Anyway, he gets nicked then makes the poor kid sit down…scares the piss outta him. That is what BJR does best.

Let the games begin, he sends Shakey on his way and is alone with Claire. Apologizing for his previous behaviour and all that. Let’s see…baiting again BJR? You aren’t transparent. He doesn’t buy any of what Claire is selling and things get ugly.

He goes from “let’s work together” to “I know you are a lying traitor” in a SNAP. We shall now refer to this as the room of doom.

He starts talking about Jamie’s flogging. In graphic detail. In morbid graphic detail. It’s like I can see it and hear it. Oh, wait…I can. It’s horrifying. This degenerate is loving it, feeling a deep connection with Jamie…or “the boy” as he called him.  I know why he didn’t get up during this story. *shudder*

Yep, he is in a class of his own. He lives in CreepyTown and I don’t even want to talk about the flogging scene except to say. Sam is incredible. Tobias is a master and Cait- your face said what my heart, felt.

If you didn’t know (how couldn’t you…but if you didn’t) this is Jamie’s daddy…Brian…he was there. Watching…and us book readers know. Yeah. *sniff* We know.

The sick sunnuvabitch keeps talking about the flogging like it was some sort of school art project that he aced. Can you say CRAZY MOFO?

Claire believes if she keeps talking to him that she will may find a sliver of Frank she sees. Wishing against all hope…that FLASHFRANK is in there somewhere.

Yeah…he is NOT there and she knows it right about NOW…

Jack can’t be the one having all the fun beating on Claire, he invites his little friend in. Who BTW looks horrified but would rather kick a soft n squishy Claire than be punished himself by the sadistic bastard. He is just really hoping no one tells his mom!

….DUN DUN NA NUN! Super Side Eye Dougal to the rescue! He’s all like “Stop beating on her…she is OUR prison….ahem…guest, we are protecting her…I will start a friggen war with you. Today. I’m taking her!”

Looking more smarmy than even BJR let’s her go but says they need her back the next day, cuz he isn’t done with his squishy pinata.

They ride off to a beautiful Scottish backdrop, that apparently smells like the devil but Claire pops a squat and drinks anyway. Where Dougal asks again – Are you a spy?  Claire has had it “FFS Man! I’m just me…not a spy, not a hoooooor, not the bakers daughter…JUST Claire.” Naturally, if she added that she was from the future – he’d have to believe her because they were at the LIAR’S spring – but she didn’t know that and I bet she was all “DAMN! I could have told him the truth and he would have HAD to believe me.” Annnnnnyway.  He believes her. “No help for it. We need to turn you into a Scot and the only way to do that is for you to marry one.”

Her reaction was -HELL TO THE NO! Realizing she would be at BJR’s mercy again, the thought of marriage became the lesser of two evils.  Dougal let her know it wouldn’t be him to marry her…even though…yes…he wanted to grind her corn?! Thats a helluva a pickup line eh?

Who is it gonna be boys? Rupert? Angus? Nedy? Nah….we all know. Jamie *girly sigh noise*.

Claire takes a drink from him willingly (Did NOT see that coming *snort*) and they have a little prewedding chat.  “My cherry…been popped, so gone…that cool with you Jamie?”  “SURE!”, he says “You can break mine for me – Hows that sound?”

Another glorious line lip delivered brilliantly by Heughan.  I take these little nuggets and savour them!

Claire marches off…gets herself hammered. Again.

I just have to add…I love the look on Murtagh’s face when she goes through all of them. Sly devil. Jamie looks like *shrug* She’ll come around right and Murtagh is like OH…she will…and that’s one angry bum-roll!

On that note. I am away! Next week is the WEDDING. It’s a HOT one. Get out the fire extinguishers and maybe drop down a towel for the drool – et al.  One of our ABOotlanderhusbands tweeted Depends, asking if their product was strong enough to protect his couch while his wife watched the episode. Funny crew we have.

Until next time folks! The Wedding will get its OWN attention. I have LOTS of passing out GIFs to play with.

Sher