There are some Heart Stones I would like to travel through. 4 yrs please.

by

Us ABOotlanders are great at tickling your funny bone. We know. You have told us.  We are also good at making you think. We know. We have offended you.

shrug

Oh…offended…that’s when you identify personally with what I am saying. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Today, we are going to maybe make you think about those who have left this world a little earlier than you wanted them to.

4 years ago today. I received an unexpected message. Brig, my Original Outlander partner in crime, died. She…just…was….gone.

My heart hurts.

My heart hurts.

I hadn’t spoken to her for a long time.  Regret. Guilt. Both set in.  So…I go through my very own mental stones.  The stones of my heart. To the moments we shared.

Courtesy of Outlander Starz

This is where I smile.

Brig & I.

menbrig

Discovering Outlander together. Devouring the books. Brig called me laughing one night saying “I can’t believe what I did, I told Tom I was sick, put the book under my sweater (it probably had flowers on it…I loved her sweaters) and went to bed to read.” This was SO funny because really, you never met a more pragmatic woman…as Brig. She was GERMAN. Very German. She taught me so much about life.

We would go for coffee at the local Timmie’s in Pembroke, Ont. This is when they had a smoking FishBowl built in.  We would smoke & drink coffee after coffee.  Don’t judge eh? The ventilation was awesome I tell ya! *cough* This was a looooooong time ago! (and yes, I quit smoking many many years since)

YAK YAK *cough* *cough* YAK YAK

YAK YAK *cough* *cough* YAK YAK

We talked Jamie. We talked Claire. We talked the diabolical mind that was Diana Gabaldon & what it would be like to meet her one day. (The day I finally did. I thought of Brig…and she was gone.)  Brig was so enamoured with Jamie & she was the first of us to bring up the chance of a movie. The more discussion we had on the subject…we came to the conclusion. A movie would NEVER do.  They would have to make a TV series out of this but boy would what we knew of TV have to change. Brig said boobs on TV would happen. Men pay for porn why not people paying for TV? She was a smart woman. Telling the future and shit.  She was a witchy woman. Her hubby called ME Dragon Lady but his own wife – she was the scary one!  Another reason I loved her so much. She was always thinking out of the box with me. She never called me crazy when I did it. O.k. She DID call me crazy but ran right along with me! Ok…she walked, we didn’t like running…it made us breathe heavy – could have been all the smoking back then. The things you do when you’re young…*shake my head*

OWYS

When we talked about Jamie, we were pretty singular in our thinking. There was NO ONE that could play the part. O.K. There was but we hadn’t met him yet. 1st-  He had to be a theatrically trained actor. HAD to.  No one else could possible catch those nuances. No one. 2nd- He had to be a Scot. Not to be able to do the accent but to be able to get to the heart of Jamie. C’mon, you know it as well as we do, an Englishman or an American could NOT capture the heart of who Jamie is…get that connection. Nope…can’t ever convince me. Jamie is not just a character. Brig used to say Jamie IS the Highlands so if he comes to life only a Scot can dig into that. It always made sense to me. 3rd- He couldn’t be a big star. Why? Because people had to be able to see him become Jamie. Not see whatever other roles he had played overshadow this one.

You know what else I think of when I think of Brig?  Besides the fact that this woman passed away before ever seeing the EXACT version of her Jamie come to life?

She never got the chance to complain about it. She never got the chance to whine about inconsistencies in the show or pick it apart. Lily of the valley or Claire’s squished boobs – you know why? Because she passed away before her dream of seeing it become a reality came about.  Not that she would have because she likely would have felt extraordinarily grateful for being alive to see the pictures come to fruition in front of her. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the fact that we have the right to complain, the ability to see nuances or just because we can…we forget…to be happy or grateful for what we have…that WE CAN – and to simply live in the light of that.

roses

I hadn’t spoken to Brig for a couple of years before she died. I moved away from the place we lived, life got busy…you know. Life goes on. Until it doesn’t.  And then we wish we could go back.

I know for a fact if Brig didn’t die, Outlander, the TV show, would have been the thing that brought us back together…and that makes me so so sad.  Every time I hear the opening credits, every time & I do mean every time, I see Sam Heughan as Jamie…I think of Brig, I say to myself “Are you SEEING this?” I know she would go into “SQEEEE times 3” mode. Believe me, Brig was NOT the SQEEE kinda gal but for this…she would be shocking everyone in her life.  We would be back on the phone laughing; like the years we didn’t talk, never happened. We would be sharing our memories like we WILLED these moments to happen. She would have adored Caitriona Balfe. Strong women were her kryptonite. It was the one thing she strove for – to be sure her daughter was a strong woman, independent. Brig knew her parents loved her, and she loved them. Physical love, however, wasn’t a strong presence in her upbringing. She promised herself, her little girl wasn’t going to grow up like that. She was going to be hugged, loved & shown she was the most important person in this world & could do anything she wanted. I have seen that girl grow into a woman…and now a mother of a little girl that Brig didn’t get to hold.

Outlander would have brought me and Brig back to all of these things.  We would be doing our form of Fangirling all over again. But we aren’t…because she’s not and it breaks my squeeing heart.

Brig wherever you are, it’s happening. I hope you can see it.  I hope you can read over Diana’s shoulder to see what I can’t. I hope you can watch the filming, where I can’t.

You have a beautiful grand-daughter …

madelyn

Beautiful wee lassie Madelyn Brigitte

staring up at you. I hope she will grow up knowing her Glamma was one of the original Outlander Fangirls.

I hope you have a peaceful heavenly birthday. Blow out those candles Brig, you know…like the good old days.

You know BLOW is just an expression RIGHT!? We are in PUBLIC!

You know BLOW is just an expression RIGHT!?
We are in PUBLIC! *She loved me*

I miss you my original Outlander Posse…with all my heart.brig n me

Sher

POSTSCRIPT due to *lovely*DM

Before you ASSume that our time in our fishbowl is what caused Brigs death – it’s not, not even close.

BE KIND! Few things piss me off more than people saying someone “asked” to die because of behaviours or risks they take in life.  It is THEIR life…THEIR risks. We all do take risks but it doesn’t mean we want to die. To hell with this foolishness that people deserve death because they took the skihill beyond their capabilities, or they became addicted to something, or they loved too hard, or they were sick…to hell with that. SO THERE.

37 thoughts on “There are some Heart Stones I would like to travel through. 4 yrs please.”

  7. Thank you for sharing your story and your friend!! So many things you wrote spoke volumes to me!!! One part in particular…If I may share on HH please let me know..xoxo

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      • I agree Martha! I made one of my dear friends that I am proud to say I hosed to the books that if I pass can she come to the cemetery and read to me. That’s why I can’t complain about one aspect of the show. Life is too previous and short to be negative. ❤️❤️❤️Hugs to you!!

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      • Sometimes we get so caught up in the what should be’s that we forget to be grateful for the what are’s 🙂 (((HUGS)))

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I too have such a special friendship and would suffer as you have if I lost the precious gift of her delightful company when I visit her and when we speak on the phone. For thick and thin, and thin and thin, our friendship has lasted 41 years. Just this last year, I have introduced hèr to the joys of Outlander, which, I’m sure, will lead to new adventures in our future. Turlach Ard, dearest Debbie! A new world stretches before us!

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  11. This is beautiful and it made me cry. I’ve often thought of all the people who have loved the books over the years and didn’t live to see this wonderful adaptation so your story of Brig really broke my heart. I, too, hope she is enjoying all the new Outlander gifts that we here on earth take for granted. When I see a fan talk about their cancer or their mother’s (who is also a fan) cancer, I always hope that they’ll be able to stay here long enough to see the story end. As a cancer survivor myself (nothing major just thyroid) I hope that I stay in the clear too but I know the odds are in my favor. Diana just needs to hurry up and finish. 😉 I wish everyone could read this because a lot of people need a wake up call in regards to the amount of bitching they’re doing about a show that we’ve all waited decades to see when they should just be ecstatic there’s a show to begin with.

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    • fraochjean…I am a thyroid cancer survivor as well..grateful to be here everyday. Mine was not bad but boy trying to get my meds in line…Hope you are feeling good!! xoxoxo

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      • Oh my gosh, the meds are the worst part! Trying to find that sweet spot to replace an organ that pretty much runs your entire body…good times. I tell everyone that it’s ok because it’s a “good cancer” and they usually look at me like I’m crazy but it’s true, isn’t it? If you have to get cancer, thyroid is the one to get. I hope things are going well for you too, Taraneh. We got this! ❤

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  12. Wow! That was… heartfelt. Beautiful. Spot on. I need to go make a call to someone I haven’t spoken to in awhile, maybe we’ll even talk about Outlander. After I go blow my nose and wipe my eyes, that is.

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  13. 😢😢 I sit here crying, but it isn’t why you think. You know there is a different theory about soul mates. They aren’t limited to your husband, wife or partner. It is thought when a soul passes over, it shatters into a hundred pieces. When a soul is required for a new body, it takes a little of this of those pieces from here and there. When you find that amazing connection with your spouse, your best friend, your partner in crime, you are recognizing those pieces in each other. You have a connection beyond others. There is no explanation, just magic. So as I sit here crying, it is for joy that you found that magical connection. And while physically she isn’t there, if you look for her when you are tired, or see something magical and of course when your are watching or reading Outlander, open your heart to that connection, talk to her in your own way and don’t be surprised in how she answers. ☺ Hugs to you and Brig too!

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  14. Sweet, sweet tribute to Brig. While she’s checking in on the latest book, the TV series, and filming if season two, I know she’ll also check in on you. Enjoy the visit!

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  15. Sitting here in my PJ’s having breakfast on a lovely sunny morning with tears in my eyes having just read your beautiful tribute to your friend Brig. Thank you for the reminder to appreciate each and every new day 😘

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