Little  and huge puddles splashing all over the place. Why?  Because Showcase finally aired THE Wedding (because if I hadn’t said it yet. Canada is 2 wks behind our American friends) So yeah, the wedding.   You know. THE one between James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser & Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp (pronounced Beecham).  Damn…I keep on puddlin! I need to take a break. No…no break, I like the torture.

This was MY favourite episode. For a few reasons.  None having to do with the sweet sweet Scottish ass we got to witness. Not. At. All.

So we start this episode with a FLASHFRANK.   There they are cute as a button couple walking down Degrassi street. **SideNote** Now…anyone who has a problem with Claire’s body…her backside is perfectly round and full in this shot (and other ones) As a confident heterosexual woman…I have no qualms saying Claire (Cait) has the CUTEST apple bottom.

We get a 2fer.  Starting with wedding #1.  I liked the change of venue for them…in the book, there is enough room for the coincidences – on TV- its pretty squished so I liked the spontaneity.  I think some didn’t like it because it made them like Frank more. God forbid a TV show delve into character development SHAME on them!

We go from one kiss to the one we have been waiting for! WHAT?  What about the wedding…I can’t see the dress…COME ON…

That WAS my first reaction. My next was…”Ah I see what they are doing here…” and I LIKE it! I like it A LOT.

So the wedding happened but we didn’t see it – we will because – I saw pictures on Twitter and FB and instagram…

They are married and in the room at the inn together.  I must say this…I LOVE LOVE LOVE the lil extras Sam gives us in his role as Jamie.  When he walked into the room with Claire – his fingers were tapping. These subtle little signs are what MAKE HIM JAMIE.

They have some pretty awkward moments at first. Who wouldn’t right? Me…Me. I probably wouldn’t. Unless you call jumping on his face as soon as he walks through the door – awkward.

Bob Hope she calls him…Claire references to her previous life. I can’t wait till she calls him John Wayne! Classic moment on it’s way…maybe. We can never tell what they put in recycling, throw to the curb or reinvent.  It’s kinda fun to guess though!

They need to break this tension, how? Claire has an idea, it involves whisky! I SOOOOO didn’t see that one coming. *that is sarcasm if you didn’t catch it*   The best way to handle any situation is to drink.  Don’t worry, she isn’t an alcoholic…she is soberphobic. Wouldn’t YOU be? Seriously!

They go to their first “story time”…I loved this concept. Since everything has been from Claire’s viewpoint thus far it is pretty cool to see things that happened away from her. First being Dougal telling Jamie he will be the one to marry her…then he goes and gets piggy again. Seriously SideEye…can we have an episode where you stick to ONE personality? Geez!  He is being a total hoser.

I can’t help staring at Claire’s boobs. They are pushed WAY up…look like a couple bags of milk bustin out. Yes…bags of milk. I’m not kidding.

Then Jamie says the most amazing things to Claire…you know…like stuff right out of the book! “You have my name, my clan, my family. And if necessary the protection of my body as well”  Ummmmmm YES PLEASE! I feel an immediate danger! Protect me with your BODY! I am not sure if the rest of Canada heard it but I DID…FLUTTERS all around. I don’t mean hearts – I mean panties.

That does it…she finally sits with him on the bed but pulls a serious cock tease move!  Claire…so ashamed. Leans in for a kiss and BOOM! Hey tell me about your family buddy…BLOCKED.

So they talk…and talk….and talk…..and talk some more…they get relaxed again – and Dumb n Dumber come barging in the room. In fact, I love these two. They are checking in on them to make sure they are bangin. But they aren’t and Jamie was sooooo close he gets pretty steamed!

You know we get commercials here in Canada eh? Well there is NO good place to put a commercial in a show like this one.  They also take time to give us our “warnings” 6 times per show.  I hope they realize these warning are more like invitations.  It’s all about perspective.

In fact. We look FORWARD to all the things in their warnings.

They move into “bed time”.  Jamie is so accommodating.  You know offering to unwrap her n everything. It gets hot…so hot that I really think that I forgot to breathe in points – either that or I was holding my breath so I could pass out and go to dreamland. You know, Jamie lives there.

Alas – I gasp. Still alive but barely! They start the first go round. He still has his boots on – she is still wearing her stockings – it’s his first time ever and well…she starts off strong – so does he- but things happen sooooo fast. Too fast for Claire eh?

 

They have the exchange I loved in the book. I think EVERYONE was waiting for it and Sam & Cait played it sooooo perfectly. “Thought you must do it, the back way, like horses.”  Nah…she won’t laugh…none of us will laugh!

O.K., the horse laughed but the horse is an arsehole.

We go through lots of emotions here. Jamie asks if she liked it and she gives him a look like….ummmmmm…She liked it fine I think, she just didn’t finish liking it is all.  She gets flustered because she feels like she is some sort of turned on biagmist/adultress. Sorry Claire, even as the debate is waged online. I would stand up in the House of Commons and say “Claire is absolved! Her FLASHFRANK isn’t even alive yet.” Technicality sister!

Then she tries to escape into the tavern full of men because she was feeling uncomfortable. So SURE, head on into a room full of half drunk scots while you are dressed in nothin but your shift. For REAL this time. Erect-i-Nipp-i for all!  Jamie knows what she is getting into so HE jumps in front and takes the heat for her. She scurried back into the room alone- probably went back in the room and rubbed one out- a girl has to finish! Probably why she got tense.

Jamie takes the heat, gets some food then has to deal with SideEye…seriously…Dougal, your jealous is hanging out!  So glad for Rupert n Angus & their comic relief.

 

The next while of The Wedding episode has to be some of the most FRUSTRATING moments in TV …EVER.   They get close…and then..Claire changes the subject…they get close….Claire changes the subject!

Sweet jeezus, I love the way they are doing this story but it’s making me just a lil crazy cray!

Each time we cut to the wedding planning, my heart skips a beat…I can’t get enough of the wedding night but want to see all the stuff leading up to it. I am like a teenage girl! I WANT IT ALL! NOW! There is no in between…its HYSTERIA. Plain and simple!

The emotion in the episode, the sticking to the book & the new pieces.  I just am enveloped in all sorts of emotion.

Jamie gives Dougal 3 conditions to his marrying Claire. Can I tell you what this did to me? I felt like a fat kid stuffing their face with cake…could not get enough.  I call moments like this…Triple THUD moments.  You don’t stop with one…it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

First, must be married in a church…with a priest.  That scene was fricken funny. SMOUT- close enough to trout, is quickly becoming one of my go to words. Thanks SideEye!

Second, sending the dynamic duo to get a key made into a ring. Some were VERRA upset by the new ring. It was NOT in the book…I am really not sure when people are going to get this through their purdy lil heads but THIS is NOT the BOOK. This is an adaptation…ad-apt-tation. Definition – the act of  making suitable to requirements or conditions; adjust or modify fittingly.  This means change. Change is not a bad thing, in fact, I think it has been a good thing.  It keeps the story fresh for those of us who have been reading it for over 20 years. Everything  good isn’t exactly how each individual person imagines it because well…yeah think about that.  Ron Moore is the show runner, this means he has final say over each storyline, the direction things take…frankly…I think he has done a great job of it.

SIDETRACKED! Annnnnywhooooo, Rupert & Angus are a couple of the funniest wedding planners ever.  They act like an old married couple, which I adore.They head to the local Canadian Tire to get their key cut.  I just want to say they got WAY faster service than I did the last time.

Last condition was up to Ned. He had to get a dress…Hmmmm…where oh where does one get a fancy dress for a beautiful bride? RIGHT! First place I thought too. HoooooooorHouse! The tale that went along with it was a delightful one. You can imagine the Lord in question. “Super super randy here ladies but I lost all my money at dice but I know how a hoooooor loves to play dress up and I have this one of a kind gown thats for my…ummmm…wife but since SHE isn’t here…I have to put it somewhere!” Take your pick as to what I am referring to.  Of course, Ned couldn’t leave without putting his own somewhere. That would just be a waste for him…one for you (Jamie/gown), one for me (hooooooor young enough to be your grandbaby…old pervy Ned)

NOW…its the recap of the recap of The Wedding.  THAT man is BEAUTIFUL.  He cleans up sooooo good.

 

Of course, Claire – stunning. The dress…WOW, that dress. Apparently they had to rig up a golf cart to get the poor woman around and as beautiful as the dress was, Cait isn’t too keen on ever seeing it again.  I must say though, girlfriend…you and the girls…LOOKED GREAT! People complained about how squished they were, how painful it must have been etc…as a holder of small boobies (my own…not my neighbours), you can squish these suckers into next week and if I look stacked- I’d deal.

The did the blood vow. Listening to them recite those lines…Blood of my blood…there is just so much a girl can take you know.

Oh, maybe I blew up too soon…Premature Explosion.  They are back in the room & Jamies buttery tongue has gotten Claire all twisted up. She tells him to get NEKKID!

WOW. WOW. & WOW.

Watching the way their relationship unfolded here was INCREDIBLE.  Exploring and learning one another…Claire teaching Jamie the joys of oral sex.  You know…you imagine that face for 20 yrs & all of a sudden…there it is. In all is O-having glory.  I think that I probably caused myself permanent eye damage for not blinking the whole damn scene. Anyone wanna share their Visine w me? I look like I’ve been smokin a dube. Red irritated eyes.

Then…what does the man do? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Typical.  What WAS nice to see was the lil smile that crossed Jamie’s face as he did it. NOT so typical and why I know Sam was born to play this roll.

Claire heads down for a jug of water…she needs hydrating and well…probably has some lingering aftertaste she wants to rinse from her mouth.  (I didn’t see a spit bucket).  She bumps into Dougal, who tried to invite her to go to Doucheville but he was DENIED!  Rupert ends up getting a mouth full of Dougal (…HIS FIST…geez….come OUTTA the gutter.) because he made some bawdy comments about Claire & Jamie. It’s not like THAT’S his thing or anything. Sheesh SideEye…you are sooooome testy! Maybe you should go visit the hoooooorhouse or the stables.

Oh never mind…the gutter is fine…it’s quite comfortable in here.

They are back in the quiet of the room. Jamie wakes to see Claire sitting in the candle light, he is nekkid and gets out of bed…but WHOEVER does the lighting for this show obviously doesn’t realize we are in the DARK and can’t see his…feet.  He reached into his sporran and pull out….

a pearl necklace. You are doing it wrong JAMMF.  Oh come on…who DIDN’T think that?  Oh…you…well maybe this isn’t the right blog for you then.

He starts talking about his Mom…how precious…he just needs to keep talking because that is what gets this girl going.

They make love. True. Sweet. Tender. Love.

Seriously some of the best scenes EVER.

Now…last scene puts us with Claire, alone in the room, happily getting ready for the day.  Starts her workout by shaking out the dress and clink clink roll!  Yup, the gold wedding ring from FLASHFRANK goes across the floor, reminding her and us of her other life.

Claire ends the show, starting at her hands where the two rings circle her ring fingers.  One gold, one key…two eras, two lives…

What the girl needs now…is a DRINK! 

See you next week for the mid season finale! Noooooooooooooooo

SL

Heughliot @ large